Fire and Ice
by LolliliciousLolly
Summary: Amidst the hell that life has become thanks to a terrible deal made with Paul Slater, Susannah discovers the ancient game that they both belong to, between the opposing forces of Dark and Light. Can she save Jesse and end this horrifying cycle?
1. Wrong and Right

**AUTHORS' NOTE:**

**Lolly**: HELLO, CHIKATITAS! This is officially a **TAGTEAM**, written by Lolly (Lolly Pop Ali…me… - name subject to change, like, daily) and Miss Stephie! (Sunshine418.) This new story is going to contain some strong themes, so if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. It's for Jesse and Paul fans alike, and will get VERY twisted...

**Steph**: Lolly wouldn't let me write Jesse and Suze getting to third this chapter. BLAME HER.

**Lolly: **:rolls eyes…a lot:

**Steph**: ANYWHOSIT, never fear... the Jesseness is here. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

**Lolly**: Shut up Steph.

**Steph**: NEVER.

**Lolly**: _STEPH_!

**Steph**: Okay, okay….jeez… Enjoy the story peeps.

**Lolly**: Or else…

_**DISCLAIMER: We don't own the Mediator Characters – only the plot of this fan fiction. **_

**_SUMMARY: This time, he's gone too far... The stakes are even higher; Jesse's trapped, and to get him back, Suze is forced to agree to a deal that no girl should ever have to accept. Paul's playing with fire and Suze is the one who's going to burn._**

**FIRE AND ICE**

Some say the world will end in fire –

Some say in ice

From what I've tasted of desire,

I hold with those who favour fire.

But if it had to perish twice...

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction, ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

**_By Robert Frost._**

**F&I**

'For the last time, Susannah! I refuse to engage in such a tasteless activity with you,' Jesse sighed, looking badgered.

I glared indignantly. 'It's not tasteless!'

'Yes it is!' Jesse insisted. 'All the...positions you were discussing...'

'That's how we're supposed to do it!' I told him.

'It's unseemly!' he cried.

'Oh, for God's sake...' I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms huffily. 'Just take of your shoes already.'

'W-what?' he spluttered.

I narrowed my eyes. 'Your shoes! OFF!'

Jesse scowled, and started pulling off his boots whilst muttering in highly irritated Spanish. There would be the occasional English phrase: 'I can't believe I'm...this is ridiculous...' but then it'd become foreign once more.

Once he was finally barefoot, he stood before me, grumbling. 'I will make a point of not enjoying it...'

'You won't be able to help yourself,' I teased. 'All right...do you know what to do?'

'No! I've never done this before!' he said, exasperated.

I waved my hand airily. 'Don't worry. I've done it thousands of times. With all of my friends.'

Jesse raised his eyebrows, looking a little alarmed. '..._Dios_.'

'All right,' I grinned, happy that I'd finally gotten my way after all that arguing, all that begging and all that convincing. 'Do you want to do it first?'

'You should, you're more experienced than me,' Jesse said moodily.

I sniffed. 'Fine.'

Then I got onto my knees, and started flicking...

RIGHT FOOT, RED.

God, I love Twister.

Jesse was really getting the hang of letting me bully him into embracing the wonders of modern society. In this case, the sacred Art of Twister

Good boy.

Jesse had been getting the hang of a lot of things lately. Namely...being the boyfriend of the hottest girl in Carmel.

Well, okay, me. But he didn't know the difference.

Things had been going pretty good ever since that day in the graveyard a year ago. The day he finally admitted his feelings for me. I felt like I was walking on air the whole time. Jesse was just so... sigh inducing. It was amazing how all he has to do is whisper a word in my ear, or slightly touch me and I got all gushy in the heart, and wobbly in the knees. He was surprisingly attentive too. For a guy, I mean. I guess boys from his time were just trained better. For example, for my birthday a few months ago he gave me a single lily.

...Okay, I know that might SOUND cheap, but it was REALLY sweet the way he gave it to me.

It also didn't hurt that that was the day he officially said the L word. You know...

'_I love you.'_

I know... sigh inducing, that boy is. And well... for those keeping score...we'd been to _second and a half_ _base_, now.

Ahem.

Which means, basically, even though the third base coach was waving him along, he's decided to hang at second until the first baseman pushes him into moving. The _only_ problem is, I fretted that no one was gonna make it to the base to _do_ that.

But anyway, the tragedies of my bases aside...I was smack bang in the middle of a potentially wonderful game of Twister with my dead boyfriend. I grinned mischievously at Jesse, and put my right foot on one of the red dots. Jesse's expression seemed to relax a great deal. 'Ah! So it's just stepping on these dots, then?'

I shook my head. 'No...' I then invited him to flick the spinner. He did so hesitantly.

LEFT HAND, YELLOW.

With a wary look at me, he placed his fingers gently on the yellow dot, the most far away from my right foot. I smiled, like the innocent thing that I inevitably am.

'My turn...' I whispered sneakily.

I flicked the spinner.

LEFT FOOT, GREEN.

I inspected the Twister board. The rows were in order of green, yellow, blue and red. My right foot was on the corner red dot, opposite side of the narrow-eyed Jesse, who was probably waiting for me to bring in another rule that would make him blush even more than he had been during my gory description of Twister. I opted for the closest green, which was in the corner next to my red-bound foot. I was now standing comfortably with my legs a little apart on two corners of the board. 'Your turn,' I told Jesse.

His brow furrowed a little as he flicked the spinner.

RIGHT FOOT, RED.

His gaze snapped to the Twister board critically, analysing his options - any spot on the red row, besides the corner where my foot was. He opted to put his foot on the spot right in front of mine, while sitting on the board to still keep his hand on the far yellow spot.

'This isn't so bad,' he remarked mildly, staring up at me.

My face cracked into an evil grin as I flicked the spinner. 'It's only just started, Jesse.'

The spinner twisted crazily, before settling on...

LEFT HAND, GREEN.

Jesse looked confused. 'You can't do that - you won't be able to reach, from standing up...would you like to flick it again - ?'

I giggled. 'I'm not supposed to be standing up,' I said. Then I sunk to my knees, keeping my toes still on my respective green and red corners.

And I reached right over, leaning right over Jesse.

He swallowed.

Hard.

'...Oh.'

His face looked very strange, then. As unreadable as he was, I got the distinct impression that he was suddenly very hesitant. _'Querida_...perhaps we shouldn't– '

'What's wrong?' I asked him playfully, leaning my head down a little so my lips were a breath away from brushing against his. 'It's just a game, Jesse...'

His eyes fluttered closed, and he strained his neck a little to meet my mouth with what he'd intended to be a soft kiss, but I pulled away. He opened his eyes again, frowning.

'Your turn,' I said, grinning.

He rolled his eyes, and stretched his free hand over to flick the spinner. It landed on LEFT HAND, RED. I laughed as he twisted his body beneath me, so his right foot was still in place. I ended up getting a faceful of his shoulder, though.

'It's your go, I believe,' Jesse's strained voice said. 'This isn't particularly comfortable...'

I flicked away...

RIGHT HAND, BLUE.

I blinked quickly, trying to find a blue spot that I could REACH, while still maintaining my corners with my feet, and the corner I'd conquered with my left hand. The only place that was physically possible was the spot right in front of Jesse's...

Um.

What? He was LYING on the rest of them, all bent and twisted and...

I shoved my hand there insistently, accidentally touching him a little. I shifted my hand away, awkward. Jesse's eyes widened. 'Susannah.'

'Sorry,' I spluttered.

'How does this game end?' Jesse demanded. 'How is the winner even decided?'

I smiled luxuriously. 'The first one who collapses, loses.'

He nodded.

I added, 'That will be you.'

'I beg to differ, Susannah,' he tossed his head arrogantly. 'My arms are stronger than yours - I can hold myself up for longer than you.'

'This is your first time!' I snapped. 'You don't win on your first time, trust me. I've been playing this for years. I'm pro at it.'

'You're not going to win,' Jesse's grin turned stubborn. His eyes flashed with tenacity. _'My_ turn...'

And so the game continued... it was pretty awkward, but was absolutely priceless whenever I got Jesse to blush if he'd like, have to put his hand between the my legs' dots. My arms were killing me, having to support myself without collapsing on top of him. And it absolutely murder, being that close to him...

He was feeling it too. I could tell. He was totally trying to look away whenever I, panting, caught his eye.

So yeah. We were a twisted human pretzel by this time. What? Twister's original name wasn't 'Pretzel' for _nothing_, you know. One of his hands was right between my legs on the blue dot, while his other one was on the yellow dot so his arm kept kind of accidentally brushing over my chest, and both of his feet were on red dots. My hands were both behind me as I pushed my torso up.

'You're going down,' I muttered. 'No one's beaten me at Twister since I was eleven years old.'

'I assure you, I am not losing,' Jesse said with fierce determination, laughing at my intense expression. I glared. It was my turn...but I could stall if I wanted to...

'Fine. I guess it's time to play dirty then.'

'What– '

But I pushed myself up further, and started nibbling on his ear, kissing all along his neck.

Jesse groaned at the sudden shock of pleasure, and his hand slipped a little. Unfortunately, not completely off of his dot like I'd been trying to do. 'Susannah!'

I smirked against his throat, before pulling away. 'What?'

'I'm almost certain that's not allowed,' Jesse said firmly, breathing a little harder. 'Stop cheating.'

I giggled, wily 'There's no rule _against_ it...'

Jesse flicked the spinner, and suddenly I found his left hand on the blue dot right beside my face, only three up from the blue dot that his RIGHT hand was at, right between my legs. I blinked in alarm, and he snickered, his body now leaning quite low over me.

'So, what was that...technique you used to win? One that you assured me was _not_ cheating?'

'Um– ' I said, but before I could stop him, his lips pressed against my neck, kissing it slowly. Instantly, my heart imploded with fierce pounding and my blood coursed hotly beneath my skin. I moaned. 'It's...only not cheating when I do it...'

He laughed.

I flicked the spinner, and found my hand move, to my dismay, only two spots down. Not really setting me up for a win.

Jesse's turn came next, declaring his next destination to be RIGHT FOOD, YELLOW. He moved accordingly, now leaning over me completely, his hand still in between my legs. My left knee was bent right up as I strained away for my leg to not touch his right arm, because whenever it did, it felt almost unbearably good. And besides, I had a feeling he'd get a little weird if he found out he was touching me so close to...you know, _there_.

Jesse's annoying like that, sometimes.

'Still think you're going to win?' he asked me curiously, his face wickedly handsome above mine. I tried not to look at him - it was WAY too distracting, and I needed to think of how I was going to steal back my rightful victory...VERY hard when an extremely good-looking, twenty-something ghost is practically straddling you - under Twister circumstances, of course.

'YES,' I said jerkily. My breathing was a little...heavier than it should really have been. 'And THEN I'm going to do a total VICTORY dance because I would have WHOOPED your ass so bad– '

Jesse's smile became even more devious. 'Do not count your chickens, _querida_.'

'I'm not. I'm just telling you what's going to happen as of– '

But suddenly...he moved his fingers that were between my legs, grazing them barely against my inner-thigh.

Just barely. But it was catastrophic all the same.

'Shit!' I squealed. The reaction was INSANE. The skin there, already awake and tingling from its previous close-encounters, suddenly electric pleasure shot right up my leg, hitting my spine and sparking dangerously..._there_.

And in the sudden shock of it all, I gasped as my left leg slid out from its spot on the yellow dot.

...I'd just lost.

Face falling, I flopped back. 'That was SO not fair.'

'I win,' Jesse grinned down at me.

'No,' I shook my head. 'I think there actually was a rule. You know, that says...in cases where the girl REALLY likes the guy, and the guy pulls a move like that, then the girl gets, um, eight free turns – '

But suddenly, Jesse moved both his hands away from his dots to slide them beneath my head, his lips finally capturing mine.

Well... okay... maybe losing isn't SO bad. I mean, if this is the consolation prize...

I'd lose willingly each time. Teehee.

Without much delay, Jesse deftly rolled over so that I was on top of him. I beamed, stroking his face. 'Well, okay...you win,' I admitted, feigning grumpiness.

He half-smiled sexily up at me.

'What's my prize?' he wanted to know.

I leaned down and started to nibble on his ear and quietly whispered into him, 'Whatever you want...'

He laughed heartily and held my head to his ear whilst he enjoyed my nibbles. His fingers ran through my hair idly.

'I love you...' he said, dazed.

'I love you too.'

'Do you want to do this on your bed?' he asked after a few more minutes of kissing. He smoothed my hair away from my face.

'You'll be there, right? None of those "It's tasteless!" inhibitions?'

He rolled his eyes, which I thought was majorly rude considering how much those inhibitions had ALREADY inhibited our making-out before. 'I'll restrain myself. But you know I only do it out of respect to you...'

'What if I don't want to be respected?' I asked, irritated.

'Be careful what you wish for,' Jesse warned. He lifted himself up from against the now crumpled Twister board. 'So, you're content on your bed? It _will_ be far more comfortable,' he added, as if trying to hide any dishonourable intentions. Ha. Jesse doesn't HAVE those. Unfortunately.

'Sounds cosy as peas already,' I smirked, standing up.

I lay down on my bed and he crawled on top of me.

'So, can I collect my prize now?' he asked, smirking

'If you must,' I teased.

He pressed his lips against me with smouldering heat. After a few minutes of that, his hands, which had been carefully holding my sides, crept up ever so slowly.

Taking my queue from him, I slipped my ever-adventurous fingers under his shirt and slowly pulled it over his body and off him.

Oh, for shame...

My fingers danced over the expansive planes of his back whilst his lips danced over my neck's delicate skin. I giggled lightly as he nipped a little bit of my skin next to my racing pulse.

'Your skin is so soft..." he said huskily. His fingers slipped under my shirt and played along the ticklish skin of my stomach.

'That tickles,' I said, giggling.

'Hmmm...' his lips quirked. 'Does this?'

With that, his fingers slid upward, dragging my shirt with it.

Soon we were kissing with the delightful absence of both our shirts – the only difference being that Jesse, unlike myself, was not wearing a bra. Words were gone now... only heat, emotions, and our bodies touching was present.

It felt so good- his bare chest pressed up against my own... He than slipped his had between our bodies and gently palmed my left breast. I moaned – an embarrassing yet customary outcome of this situation. Not, you know, that it occurred _that_ often – Jesse's still pretty difficult to get to this stage. But it didn't change the fact that although he may talk a big game about morals and respect, when I got him turned on, he was kind of hard pressed to live by his words.

'You feel so good...'

'You make me feel good...' I replied, grabbing his head and bring it up to my lips.

I gently stroked my tongue against his as he calmed me with a soft and slow kiss that left me aching for more.

It seems that was all I wanted lately: More.

I desperately wanted to sleep with him. However, he still stood high to that.

The closest we'd been was a few times he'd accidentally brushed his hand against my...you know. But the operative word there was "accidentally."

Unfortunately..

But still, very few complaints slip through my dizzy mind when he's kissing me like he was then. Can you blame me? The boy can kiss. Because, teehee, the boy likes me.

I pressed up against him further, my body needing to be as close as possible to his. I closed my eyes, drifting off into a place that consisted only of us. I mean, not only did he make me feel physically good, but...everything else, as well.

That's love for you, I guess.

I didn't know what it was about him. But his ability to make it all seem okay, and make everything right, and safe - I craved that just as much as the pleasure he provided. I craved everything about him. And I wanted more than anything to give whatever I could back to him.

Jesse was breathing hard against my neck, running his hands firmly and admiringly along my body. I smiled giddily. God, I could do this all day -

...WAIT. NO I COULDN'T.

My eyes snapped open in horror. Oh my God. I was late for -

Jesse, noticing me tense up, pulled away with a frown. 'Susannah.'

I groaned, and smacked my head. 'Jesse, I...I gotta go. Me and, um, CeeCee have a date out. A girly one, you know? With just us girls. No boys allowed. None to speak of.'

God. If I was going to lie, perhaps I could have done it WITHOUT sounding like a dorkfest?

Jesse's eyes were kind of...half-closed. It took me a moment to realise it was because of arousal. _Arousal_, guys. For _me_. Oh God, I was going to kill -

'You can't...postpone it, can you?' he asked, obviously in a moment of weakness.

Man, I wanted to then. WHEN, I ask, was I going to get him to the point where he was begging me to stay with him so he could have his way with me? However, I knew the stakes if I was very, very late. Paul wouldn't be pleased. He didn't like his shifting lessons put off.

I pouted, about to sadly tell him that this wasn't possible, when his hands slid smoothly across the hot and mildly sweaty skin of my back, edging toward the clasp of my bra. My eyes widened. Okay, THIS WASN'T FAIR. HOW COULD I LEAVE WHEN HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO CROSS SECOND BASE AGAIN?

'I - I can cancel,' I spluttered, but then _he_ pulled away.

'No,' he sighed, shaking his head and trying not to look at me. 'You should go, Susannah... I don't believe I trust myself at the moment to...keep control...'

Oh my God...I was SO CLOSE! WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?

He looked over and smiled ruefully, sitting up. 'Sorry for - '

'Don't you dare apologise,' I said, fierce. I pulled on my shirt, disgruntled at the very THOUGHT of Shifting Lessons. Then, I rolled over, sitting on his lap and kissing him quickly. He was breathing as hard as me.

Oh golly, Suze...don't even THINK about the word "hard"...

I got off of him quickly, and went to my mirror to readjust my messy hair. Jesse came behind me, kissing my neck. Tempted once again to blow Paul off completely, I turned around to -

NO! BAD SUZE! DIRE CONSEQUENCES AND ALL THAT.

Gosh darn it, WHY is this guy so damn kissable?

It's that smile. I know it. The sexy one. You know. The one he reserves _just_ for me.

Well, okay, so no one else – save Paul and Father D – can actually SEE him smile... but still. That smile is for ME people.

...And sometimes Spike. But shut up.

With a grumble that tried to convey to him how HARD he was making my departure, I pulled away. 'I really gotta go, you know. Stop...making me want to stay.'

And with that heart-warming smile that liquefied every liquefiable inch of me, he dematerialised in a cascade of blue glory. I sighed, waited impatiently for my pulse to stop racing, before finally grabbing my keys and my jacket, and hightailing it.

Yes, you read that right.

Keys.

As in, not for the house, or some sad little secret diary that any self-respecting breaker-and-enterer can smash open.

FOR MY CAR!

Yes, ladies, Susie is LEGAL!

Um. On the road, I mean.

I begged and begged and BEGGED mom, saying that Dopey already had his license and that DOC was probably going to get his for me and that I was probably the only sixteen year old in Carmel who didn't have one and that Carmel was not exactly the same as New York with its really high level of public transportation and that I couldn't spend my life begging Sleepy to give me a lift everywhere because he had a life too and that I REALLY needed to get my permit and, oh by the way, mom, can you buy me a car...?

And she _did_.

SHE AND ANDY GOT ME A 1965 VW BUG.

Well, okay. It wasn't that easy. She totally made me get a job – I'll explain later – to start paying for it, because it _did_ cost over eight thousand dollars. But she said if I paid for a big chunk, the rest would be my birthday present – a few months ago.

And yeah, the car wasn't exactly perfect. It did stall a lot. And it was like, third hand. But it was _beautiful_. It was aquamarine – no matter how many times Brad calls it 'blue' – and it was all mine.

And Adam McTavish maintains HIS car is sexually attracted to it. We both had Bugs. Mine's just...older.

...Anyway, moving on. After parking my ass in my beautiful car, I revved the engine happily – I still got that buzz whenever I sat in the driver's seat, you know? All...happy and in control – and reversed, before losing a little bit of my glee when I remembered my eventual destination.

Scenic Drive: Paul Slater's house.

It was weird how I didn't just insist that we should conduct our shifter lessons elsewhere. I mean, it's not like there was any specific reason why we had to host them _there_. He could have brought his stupid ancient books anywhere he wanted.

...Sorry, haven't really been all that fond of books lately. You'll understand. Because, oh, that job that mom made me get? Yeah. It was at a BOOKSTORE.

You know, it's really not like I have a problem with books. I don't. I've read _Harry Potter_, and the _Chronicles of Narnia_, and _Gone With the Wind_ and even a few from Jane freakin' AUSTEN in my time.

But this wasn't just any bookstore. It was a _second-hand_ one.

Once again, don't think I have any prejudice against a good old place of...old mustiness. I don't, really. It's just...I mean, why couldn't mom have found me a job at Barnes and Noble? Where all the books were extremely new, and the lights didn't flicker? Where everything didn't look like it came out of a black and white movie?

Sigh.

However, it was in our agreement, mom's and mine. She had a friend whose parents' business was going a little under, and they were having trouble finding new employees. The pay wasn't amazing, the sales weren't exactly soaring, and the darling old owners, Mr and Mrs. Hughes, weren't exactly the most astute business people. But a job was a job, said mom. And being the newest worker at Second Time Around – the name of the second-hand bookstore – was going to guarantee me my _beautiful_ car.

So I relented, as a sixteen year old girl desperate for an aquamarine set of wheels will inevitably do. And in doing so, gave up my Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays – something mom assumed was perfectly fine during the summer break.

Um, anyway, back to the impending shifting lesson. You see, Paul had also increased his time he wanted to spend with me over the summer, since he argued that he wouldn't be seeing my lovely self at school. Which, you know, completely confirmed the fact that he was shamelessly using his lessons to spend time around me. I didn't mind it so much, as long as I learned everything there was to know about who – and _what_ I was, and what I was capable of.

Oh yeah, and he also increased his threats against Jesse, saying my lover boy was crispy toast if I didn't consent.

God, I hated that Slater boy.

That meant that pretty much any time he wanted to schedule a shifting lesson – or a Perv-On-Suze-Session, as I suspected – as long as I wasn't _working_, I had to show. I told him the maximum per week was three times, due to my uncanny belief that I was _trying_ to have a social life, and he begrudgingly agreed.

Unfortunately for me, today was one of his hastily arranged days: Wednesday.

But seriously, I should have really been scheduling my calendar to work around WORK, SHIFTING, and MAKING-OUT-WITH JESSE, because I'm a girl who doesn't really like to clash, whether it be fashion-wise, or..._other_wise.

I pulled up at in his driveway, and pulled pink sunglasses off, storing them in my bag. I evacuated my vehicle and landed on his front doorstep, ring the bell.

After about forty seconds, the door finally opened to reveal a very relaxed looking Paul, who simply smirked at me.

'You're late.'

I flushed a little, and rapidly averted his leering gaze. 'Um, hi to you too,' I mumbled.

He moved out of my way, inviting me in. I slid past him.

Now, not matter how many times Paul proved to me that he really was The Bad Guy, it never changed the fact that I knew – as well as he did – that he was hot. And that he affected me, despite my fierce objection to this being true. From his sublime crop of curly dark hair to his hauntingly pale eyes, as sharp and as cold as they were icy blue, to his big, tanned hands, to his sinister smile that quirked crookedly whenever his gaze fell on me...

Er, yeah. I knew the guy was bad.

But while I knew that, he also knew that I desperately loved Jesse more than life itself, and therefore realised that any more attempts to woo me would be in vain, because my heart wasn't for sale – nor would it ever be bought by _Paul's_ pretty pennies, shiny as they were.

Seriously, though. It's one thing to recognise that some guy is hot. It's completely another to be hopelessly devoted to someone, and just think it's just an extra perk that they're major eye-candy: example, Jesse.

It didn't make it any easier to be around Paul, though... because I knew that his mind was never on the theory of shifting, when I was in vicinity. His mind was _never_ on anything innocent, where I was involved. I knew that only too well, now. At least knowing kept me constantly on guard.

I made my way up his cold stairway, just as I did every other time I had to spend that painful hour at his house. And just like always, he was in hot pursuit, walking directly behind me. He'd never say anything until we got to his room.

He closed the door behind himself upon our entrance. 'So,' he said, as if our very limited conversation hadn't even stopped from at his doorway, 'Why are you half an hour late, Simon?'

I shrugged, sliding my jacket off and throwing it over the back of his swivel chair. 'Um,' I said.

Yeah...Paul usually inspired a LOT of "Um..."s from me. It's not something I'm proud of.

I glanced back nervously to meet his chilling gaze. It was still fixated upon me, as if I were his only interest; his obsession. His smirk was just that bit crooked...just enough to make me irritated that I wasn't in on the joke too.

'Um,' I said again, 'I don't have to explain my absences to you. I was late. Build a bridge, already. There's really not much of a story there.'

Paul's smirk faded a little. 'Oh,' he said, in faint recognition. 'Him.'

'Did I say that?' I demanded.

'Like you even have to,' he said, sounding a little sarcastic. Well excuse _me_ if he was a sour puss.

I rolled my eyes and sat on his swivel chair. 'All right, what are we doing today? Because I can't be bothered trying to learn how to materialise again. We both know that I can't do it, and I had the _worst_ headache after your last lesson, from trying so hard - '

'We'll do theory then,' Paul grinned, sinking to his knees and pulling out the box of ancient texts from beneath his bed. I sighed, and whined a little. Theory was so...dull.

He knew I hated it, too. Because whenever we did theory, he retained the right to read over my shoulder, which meant he was always sitting very close to me. And his hands tended to wander a lot when we were both holding the book... he got a kick out of "accidentally" touching me, and then claiming it was an accident when I yelled at him.

After selecting a book with no words on its cover, he sat on the bed, cracked it open and started flicking to a page that he'd obviously picked out beforehand. From the lack of dust that flew up while he was reading, I could guess that this book had a lot of general use - unlike some of his other ones, who sent me into a coughing sit whenever I opened them.

'All right,' Paul said, 'Come sit over here and read this... this book's very broad, and it's got documented history of shifters - or those equivalent of - from cults worldwide. This books really interesting, if not a bit on the...gory side. It's a bunch of collected diary entries most of the time, translated to English.'

I didn't put up a fuss. Whenever I got all weird about sitting next to him, he'd always go off on a tangent how I was just trying to "deny my desires" or something, which would just get me even madder. It was a lot easier when I just played along, only stopping when I was truly provoked.

I knelt on the bed next to him, pulling the book onto my lap curiously. Paul, however, wasn't looking at the book. I turned, and met his gaze. It had flickered up from the place it'd been.

I swallowed. 'Don't,' I warned him.

'Don't what?' he wanted to know.

'Don't...look at me like that.'

Paul sighed. 'I was just remembering,' he said muttered, his gaze sliding down to my neck. His eyes were glazed with cold fire. 'Last time we...'

His finger brushed my neck gently, and I gasped from the touch but determinedly pushed him away.

'_Don't_.'

My word was harder than ever.

Rolling his eyes, he mumbled, 'Fine. Just read.'

I returned my attention to the open pages of the book. There weren't any pictures on the page, so I didn't know why he'd called it gory before.

However, after reading halfway down the page, I shoved the book away.

'Eww,' I scowled, and he grinned slightly with apparent satisfaction.

'Graphic, right?'

I shot him a glare. 'That's so gross.'

The article had detailed a certain ability of the Seers of the Dead - they could force the dead spirit to relive their own death, getting more and more violent each time the power was used upon a certain spirit. It had then detailed accounts of how some of these ghosts had died. It wasn't the ability that had shocked me - it was just...the obviously enjoyment of the writer. He'd totally got off on pulling this trick on a ghost. You could tell by the way he described it all; his sick fascination with seeing his ghostly victims in pain...his descriptions of their blood...

Just - it was gross.

'Who the hell was this guy?' I demanded, stabbing a finger at the article. 'I mean...what he did was cruel.'

Paul was smirking lazily at me, tracing his fingers over the edge of the page. 'It's pretty cool, I reckon.'

I made a face. 'No, it's not. It's sadistic, that's what it is. I don't need to learn this stuff, Paul. I'd _never_ do that to a ghost, not even one I hated.'

'But Suze,' Paul argued, seeing that I was quite angry at him, 'Ghost torture is a huge part of shifting. Our powers are allow us to do _anything_, practically. Seriously, if you're in a life or death situation and a ghost's pissed you right off; don't you ever wish that you could do something worse than exorcism? Have a little _fun_ with him before you send him off to the next plane of existence? Get revenge? Because we _can_.'

I stared at him, horrified. 'You're serious. You _actually_ want to teach me how to hurt ghosts.'

'Why do you look so disgusted by it? They're just ghosts,' Paul rolled his eyes. 'They're the reason we have powers. We're the only ones who can punish them for the things they did when they were alive.'

'Paul,' my voice was now very hard, _'I don't want to learn about that stuff_.'

'You told me to teach you about shifting,' he reminded me lightly. 'This is what shifting is. Exacting our power over the dead.'

'Not TORTURING them!' I snapped, furious. I felt sick. Did he really think I was capable of making a ghost go through that pain? Did he really know me that little?

'It's who you are,' he pressed.

I shook my head fiercely. 'No it's NOT. That's just the stuff that ROTTEN shifters probably get up to. I'd NEVER - '

'God...you're hot when you're pissed,' he smirked at me.

I narrowed my eyes, before shoving the book to the floor and storming out of his room.

'Oh, come on!' he yelled after me, 'Get back in here, Suze. You know you have to. We made a deal, remember? Because the minute you back out, so will I.'

Barely outside his door, I stopped and counted to ten. I _hated_ him _so_ much...

I returned, glowering. 'I'm not what you say I am...'

He looked irritated. 'Stop being so self-righteous, Simon. You have to face the facts; you and I were born to do this. We're meant to control the dead. Why else were we given these powers?' he made a sweeping hand motion toward the book, still splayed across the floor. 'Why else are we capable of that? Just think how fun it would be, channelling that kind of power...just knowing that it's your God-given _right_.'

I swallowed, barely able to hold his chillingly cold gaze. Desperate denial flooded through me.

'You're wrong...' I whispered.

'I'm not,' he assured me, grinning in a sickly amused manner. His cold eyes flashed. 'You've been helping them for too long. I've told you before; I don't believe in letting ghosts walk all over me. _This_ is how we can show them who has the authority, Suze...'

I shivered. My fingers felt numb. 'No - '

'This is why it's just so unnatural that you fell in love with one,' he gritted his teeth. 'They're not our equals, Suze. They're our prey.'

'Shut up...' I hissed at him. 'I swear, I'll leave - '

'And I swear,' he countered angrily, 'That I won't hold back. I'll make him suffer like you can't even imagine.'

I paled as the words spilled from his serpentine tongue. I gaze dropped; my confidence lost. I fell into a heavy silence, staring at my icy cold hands.

'Can I keep teaching now?' he asked, victory slithering through his words.

I nodded wordlessly.

God, I hated this...

**F&I**

**Lolly**: Please review. First chapter, and all...just so we know our readership and all that jazz.

**Steph**: Lolly likes cheese.

**Lolly**: Steph likes taco.

**Steph**: Lolly likes putting her cheese in my taco.

**Lolly**: I love you...


	2. Olde Worlde Charm

**Sorry it's late! Me and Stephie have been having a hard time finding a time to do this between (my) holidays and the ups and downs of life. **

**Life's such a bitch, sometimes.**

**...Then you marry one.**

**Love,  
Lolly and Steph. **

* * *

-F&I-

I tell you, there's nothing more exhilarating than working at a bookstore.

Seriously. It's one of those places where you just don't want to blink, in case you miss something. Because that would be really tragic...

I am kidding, by the way.

Bored into a dust-filled insanity, I slumped over the counter. It was two in the afternoon and the shop was as empty as a Rob Lowe film fest post "the incident."

I drummed my nails on the wood countertop, tracing the frame jadedly.

The Second Time Around Bookstore – or STAB, as I like to call it – wasn't exactly the most popular joint in town. God knows I'd never noticed it before mum had convinced me to work here in exchange for the new (okay, second after Jesse) love of my life: my car. Mr. and Mrs. Hughes, the owners, didn't exactly have the best range of books, either. I'd scanned the Young Adult section – it was only two shelves long and had only six books that were published later than 1990. And most involved girls with bad haircuts getting the football player with that helmet hair that never moves.

It was sad, really. I mean, it wasn't like _no one_ came in here. It was just that whenever people did, they'd always browse dully, before raising their eyebrows at the limited variety and leaving with a sigh. Or they'd come and ask if we had Dan Brown's latest bestseller, only to be informed that we unfortunately did not. This would be greeted with an eye-roll, or a disappointed grimace.

Then they'd leave and not come back.

So yeah, we'd only had about four sales in the time I'd been here… since, like, eleven this morning. Sadly enough, this was Second Time Around on a good day. Usually, that would be the entire day's total if we were lucky. I mean, I'd only been working here for a week, and Mrs. Hughes assured me that it wasn't like this all the time; they were just going through a "rough patch" at the moment. I had a sneaking suspicion that this rough patch had lasted for the past two years or so.

Poor Mr. and Mrs. Hughes. They really were the sweetest of the old fuddy duddies ever. All wrinkly and cheerful and placid with their cute little old couple arguing and making up...

It was kind of heartbreaking. Because no matter how hopeful they'd sound whenever they asserted that "things would pick up," I knew it was going to take a miracle to get a place like this back on its feet.

But there wasn't anything I could do about it as much as I wished I could. Whenever their daughter Miranda, mum's friend, suggested they just sell the premises and go into retirement, the pair of them would get all fussy, with their objections that, 'Retirement is for old people, Miranda!'

I think they were joking, though. The pair of them _were_ pushing eighty.

But anyway, getting back to the thrilling tale of me sitting alone in an abandoned old bookshop with no potential customers to speak of...

I was almost tempted to crack a book open and start reading I was so bored, but there was literally nothing that appealed to me. I know the whole 'don't judge a book by its cover' thing is probably something bookshop owners get all anal about, but come on. If you're going to commit yourself to a book, you at least want to have some incentive to read it. Books that aren't visually attractive get no points from me. Sorry.

Yeah, I'm _really_ not the best girl for this job.

Just as I was staring mindlessly at the fraying Science-Fiction label on the corner of one of the shelf edge, a hideous creak of the door alerted me that someone had set foot in the store. I perked up, smiling widely and attempting to look momentously interested in my job. A boy of about fifteen had entered, glancing around nervously. His gaze fell on me, and he grinned weakly before – if I'm not mistaken – blushing furiously. He quickly escaped my view by diving into the Horror section.

I blinked. Um, okay. Way to be anti-social then.

After ten minutes, the guy emerged from Horror and awkwardly shuffled to the counter. I smiled welcomingly at him. 'Hello,' I greeted.

He half-smiled again, avoiding my eye. 'Uh…' he mumbled, before pushing five books onto the counter. I beamed. Today's best sale…

'So, do you like Stephen King?' I asked, seeing that all five books were by said author. As in, _Carrie, Firestarter, It, Dreamcatcher _and _Insomnia_.

'Yeah,' he said with some embarrassment, staring intently at the top book, Carrie. 'Do you read him?'

'I've cracked the ol' King-meister every now and then. He's got a way with the ol' scariness.'

'Yeah.' He laughed, finally looking up. I saw that, despite the fact he was a major geek – symptoms had manifested everywhere all over – he did have really pretty eyes. Almost girl-eyes... When he smiled, they looked even nicer.

'I'd love to work in a bookshop,' he said whimsically. 'But my mom doesn't want me to get a job until I've finished high school...she said I'm too non-confrontational and awkward. And that I'll – ' he stopped, and looked away.

'This really isn't a bad place to work, you know,' I said. 'I mean, if you like reading, no one ever comes in here and you can just read all day without anyone bothering you… No confrontation to speak of.'

His eyes literally started glittering. 'Really?'

I nodded with a casual grin, writing down the names of the books that I'd sold and calculating the amounts on my little calculator. 'Sure.'

This information pleased him greatly. 'I'm…I'm Robbie, by the way…'

I smiled, bagging his Stephen Kings. 'I'm Suze.'

'You don't go to RLS, right?' he frowned, looking hesitant.

I shook my head, 'JSMA.'

'Ah,' he nodded, 'I didn't think you went to my school…I would have recognized you. You're kind of hard to – '

He stopped abruptly, and once again his gaze fell to the floor furiously. 'Uh…I have to go,' he muttered, grabbing his bag of books. 'I told mom I'd only be five minutes – '

'All right,' I waved. 'Maybe we'll run into each other again sometime. Or maybe you can ask your mom about getting a job here or something. I could use the company – I'm the only girl employee who hasn't yet gone through menopause.'

Robbie laughed again, this time very unexpectedly. But he cut his laugh off very quickly. 'I really need to go,' he apologized, backing away. Before I could say a farewell, he'd scuttled out of STAB, his face a furious crimson behind his pale freckles.

Smiling at his endearing awkwardness, I sat back at my station boredly, wondering if I'd get another customer before my shift was over.

Probably not...

Robbie's sale was probably going to keep STAB in business for another month – his purchase had totaled to fifty dollars.

An hour passed slowly with only a six year old and her dad breaking the monotony of nothing. The girl looked rather scared and stood nervously behind her dad's leg when I tried to wave. Her dad checked out the kid's section before demanding if this was all the children's books we had. I replied that it was, and he grumbled rather rudely. The girl began pointing at a book, smiling, but her dad whispered loudly that it had dirt on the cover, and he told her not to touch it. I stopped smiling.

He left quite shortly, muttering irritably that the shop was a hole.

I glared fiercely at the door, very angry at the nerve of some people.

I screamed after them with a last ditch effort to save a customer with, 'but they'll appreciate in value! It's a speculator's market right now!' I then shrugged half-heartedly at the sight of a new lost customer.

Half an hour later, the door creaked open. I was resting my head in my arms. I knew I should have looked up to show that I was an attentive shop assistant, ready for transaction...but it was probably some cranky fart who'd by all peeved over some stupid little thing.

I blinked blearily against the skin of my arm, yawning.

However, when a warm finger traced down my neck, I jerked up with a shock.

I stopped furiously. '_Go away_,' I hissed.

Paul looked rather offended. He was mocking me, of course. 'Now, Suze,' he chastised with a smirk. 'I could have been a very serious customer, and your unattractive hostility could have made me want to take my business – and my wallet – elsewhere.'

'And your three inches of manhood,' I scowled.

'More than your corpse of a boyfriend has,' he smirked, with some traces of annoyance.

'The sign out front says that no animals are allowed in the store,' I snapped.

He grinned. 'Ouch. Someone forgot her Midol today.'

I glared. 'Paul, please. You're only here to bug me. Seriously, I'm not in the mood. You already see me enough at lessons – I don't want to have to put up with you at my place of work too. Besides, as a business, we reserve the right to refuse any customers. And that includes trash like you!'

By now, Paul was ignoring me. He was looking around the shop with a faint look of disgust. 'I've said it before,' he sneered delicately. 'This place is a real dump, Suze.'

'It's not,' I said defensively. 'It has…classic Olde Worlde Charm.'

He snorted. 'Also known as mold.'

I shot him a really filthy look, before getting off of my chair and making to stalk to the Staff Only room, when he hurried around and grabbed my elbow, preventing my escape.

'Hey,' I spat, 'You're _not_ allowed to manhandle me here.'

'Then let's go somewhere where a man _can_ handle you,' he suggested.

'And now I know why they invented the restraining order. Thanks for the fun history lesson, Paul the Small.' I proceeded to suggest something to _him_, involving my step-brother Brad, a motel and a video camera. He just continued to look all smug.

'Listen,' he muttered, leaning over the counter, his hand still imprisoning my poor elbow. 'Just stopped by to ask if you wanted to fit in a shifting lesson now.'

'I haven't finished my shift,' I said coldly. 'And we already had one yesterday. I've had way too much of you for my own good already.'

'Well, I haven't had enough of you yet,' he replied, 'And when you consider what our deal involves, that's all that really matters, doesn't it? So, should I not ask this time, and _tell_ you we have a shifting lesson now? It's not like anyone's going to come in within the next hour, Suze...why do you even work here?'

'My parents got me a car,' I said stiffly. 'I need to pay them back.'

He looked scandalized. 'And you're working _here_?'

'It's…more of a favour,' I said uncomfortably. I was well aware that five dollars an hour was not going to pay my car off very quickly. But you know, not ALL of us are just handed brand new silver Beemers. SOME of us have to work for our little cars. You takes what you gets when youse gets it, I always believe.

But he didn't need to know that. I'd told him I earned eight fifty an hour last time he'd asked me. He hadn't looked entirely convinced, however.

Finally letting go of my elbow, he took a step back. With a bored sigh, he looked around, his hands jammed in the pockets of his navy blue jacket. It looked really good on him. But then, I've been told the devil looks good in anything he wears. It's kinda his shtick. 'So...does your little bookstore have anything that'd interest me then?'

I pointed sassily. 'Self-help books are over there. We have a lovely one on coming to terms with your secret desires to be a woman.'

He sneered. 'Funny.'

Wandering around with a look of arrogance smeared across his chiseled face, he called, 'If you're really worried about money, I can just give it to you, you know. You don't have to waste your days in this shit heap. You can tell your mum you do…ass wiping for my grandfather, or something that she'll buy.'

Revolted by this idea – the prospect of being with him, more so than even wiping his grandpa's hiney – I said a very forceful, 'Sorry Paul, can't buy me for twenty pieces of silver.'

Spending even MORE time with him? Oh my God. He had to be kidding.

He chuckled, still scanning the shelves. 'It was just a suggestion. I guess it pains me to see you working in a place like this. Especially when your time could be better served elsewhere. You have 'kept woman' written all over you.'

I glared at him. 'Whatever. I make my own way in the world, Paul. I don't want to rely on anyone, you least of all.'

He turned away from the book shelf. 'Hey! You'd be working. _I'd_ pay for you to shake it for me,' he said firmly, a humorous glint in his eye.

'Eww,' I wrinkled my nose. 'Of course _you_ would. You're a delusional loser obsessed with what he can't have.'

His eyes became hard again and he disappeared behind the bookshelves.

'Suze,' his voice was sharp, 'This store is a joke. There's _nothing_ here. It's just a bunch of eighteenth century crap that's only fit to line a compost bin. Can you honestly say that you don't agree this business isn't about to toss it in? The word "business" used very loosely, of course.'

I slanted my eyes at him.

It's one thing to insult me, but to insult the BOOKS!

That was just a step too far. Picking on innocent books like that…

I sucked it up though. Through gritted teeth I snarled, 'would you just_ go_?'

'Thought so,' he sounded amused as his voice carried over the shelf. 'You really should – '

But whatever I really should have done, I never discovered because he stopped talking completely. My forehead wrinkled in confusion. He hadn't had a heart attack or something, had he? Because while everything screamed 'Karma!' I didn't want to have anyone die on my shift. That'd look so bad on my résumé.

'Paul?' I called uncertainly, unnerved by the fact that he'd just stopped talking.

I heard a tiny gasp from where I assumed he was still standing. It was as if something had deeply impressed him. Very curious now, I left the counter. 'What are you d – '

The book he was holding open in one of his hands was suddenly snapped shut. I blinked.

His eyes snapped up to mine. 'I might make a purchase after all,' he said smoothly.

I held my hand out. 'I have to write down the title and the number,' I said. 'I need it for a second – '

'Oh, I'm sure you can skip that bit...' he said with a charming smile, before removing his wallet from his pocket, and sliding a crisp hundred dollar note into my hand. 'Keep the change, Simon.'

My eyebrows shot up. 'Um, that's really not necessary…' I started mumbling, but he'd already swept past me, the book under his arm. 'I'll see you tomorrow, Suze.'

Then he was gone.

_Very_ confused as to what exactly had just happened, I stared at the swinging door until it became still. It took a while, since Paul had shot out so hurriedly, trying to cover the title of the book.

What had he bought? And why was he so determined to hide it from me? I mean, it was just a book, right? What was the big deal about keeping the title a big secret?

How weird...

It's just that he'd been so _intent_ on a shifting lesson. What was it about the book that had suddenly made him forget all that?

With a start, I realized that my shift was over. This was further confirmed by the sudden presence of Mr. Hughes. 'Susie,' he said cheerfully, walking in from the back door, jangling his keys. I gritted my teeth a little, hating being called that more than anything. 'How did you go today?'

'Um,' I said, 'Pretty good...' I held up the hundred that was still clutched in my hand. 'Last sale.'

Looking positively delighted, Mr. Hughes jumped a little. 'Oh gosh! Susie, I think you may have been the best choice we ever made.'

I didn't mention that he hadn't actually chosen me – that I'd been traded by my mother for slave labor.

Handing him the money, I asked, 'Do you want me to stay a little longer?'

He shook his head fiercely. 'Oh, of course not…you've been here for a great long time. A young thing like you needs to get out of a stuffy old place like this... go on, dear.'

Mrs. Hughes came up behind him just then. 'Pretty girl like you. Bet you have a boyfriend to go meet.'

I smiled sneakily. 'Well, I do…'

Her face lit up. 'Oh! I knew it! Such a sweet girl like you. Couldn't imagine a world without boys falling over themselves for you.' I give those two this: they sure are the sweetest people in the whole wide world. What with the flattery and all. 'I bet he's quite handsome.'

I smiled. 'He is.'

'Oh!' Mrs. Hughes clapped. 'You simply MUST bring him around here sometime. I'd love to meet him.'

Suddenly, my throat caught. As much as I'd love to, I couldn't bring Jesse around the shop. Well, I could technically… but I'd be the only one to see him.

Crestfallen, I nodded gently. 'He works a lot right now, so I don't know if I can.'

Mrs. Hughes frowned. 'Oh, that's too bad. I'd love to meet him and fret over him and all that.'

'Yes, well, I best go.'

I smiled, and grabbed my bag before leaving with a polite wave and a chorus of 'goodbyes.'

Poor Mr. and Mrs. Hughes…it was truly going to break my heart when Second Time Around had to close...

-F&I-

Having parked my Bug in my designated parking spot – well, okay, stealing Brad's space, but whatever – I crawled up into my room tiredly. I don't know why I get so tired after work. I mean, I do have to stack and shelve books a lot… maybe that's it, that and the lack of customers to attend to can drain you too.

Plus, a visit from Paul Slater doesn't exactly instill a lot of energy in me.

And neither does reminding me that as much as I love and adore my boyfriend and his affections… I'd never be able to show him off to Mr. and Mrs. Hughes. Which is a shame. Jesse would love them. And I know he'd have a coronary of geeker joy at the stacks upon stacks of old musty books, the big old nerd that he is.

I decided to go for a half-hour run along the beach before I finally retired back to my room and drowned myself under a waterfall of steaming heaven. When I was done with my shower, I blow-dried my curly fuzz and slipped into some boxers and a singlet top. Not my mum's preferred attire for me at dinner time, but screw that. It's summer, and this working gal is tired. And I mean working girl in the 1980's Melanie Griffith movie sense, not in the prostitute sense.

Flopping onto my bed and awaiting Andy's dinner yodel, I shut my eyes and stretched. Maybe I'd just watch a movie tonight...

The thing I don't like about the summer is that I tended to have very little to do. I mean, I'd only ever had one job before – the Pebble Beach babysitting gig…what a disaster that turned out to be… - and that had taken up a lot of my time. Now, I had STAB, constant shifting lessons with Paul, and then, Jesse-Time. But when he wasn't around, which Father Dom tried to limit as much as he religiously could, I was always stuck for things to occupy me.

So it looked like it was going to be a video, then.

I lugged my butt back outta bed and dragged Doc to come and grab some flicks with me from the video store. I ended up getting like, ten – eight of which were violent.

When we got back, dinner was on the table and I got ranted at for "cutting it to close." After assuring Andy that I'd never be two point three seconds late for dinner ever again, we all sat down and stuffed our faces with roast beef and veggies.

Finally, I carted my lovely stack of movies up to my room before flopping sleepily on the bed.

Maybe the movie thing wasn't such a necessity…because sleep sounded oh so sexy at the moment...

However, my plans were thwarted by my mother screaming, 'SUZE. PHONE.'

I rolled over lazily and picked up the extension. 'Hello?'

'Hey, Suze – babe...you up for a quickie?' an extremely comical attempt of a suave voice began.

'Hey Adam,' I smiled. 'And no, I'm quite occupied with the eight male Italian exchange students in my bed. They don't speak a _word_ of English. But we understand the language of love.'

He moaned sadly. 'Those damn Italians beat me to it again. I will have my vengeance! No, worse… a vendetta. Them Italians understand that, eh?'

I laughed. 'So, what you want then?' I asked. 'Other than to sexually harass me over the phone. Which you know I don't mind, but as I said, quite tied up at the moment. Pun intended.'

'Just wanted to know if you wanted to meet up at the Coffee Clutch? My green Bug misses your aqua Bug. He's all mopey. He hasn't got laid in a while, and its getting him down. I thought they maybe while we drink coffee, our Bugs could bonk. Buggy style.'

Aww, I loved Adam...

I mean, did you even GET that mental picture?

I sighed. 'Adam, while I honestly feel for any sexually frustrated individual – machinery or otherwise – I'm kind of tired tonight.'

'Yeah, those damn Italians do that to ya.'

Grinning, I replied, 'Can CeeCee go?'

Sounding disappointed, he muttered, 'Nope. She's going out for her Aunt Pru's birthday. She wouldn't let me come…said I'd laugh too much. I could have really used the comic relief.'

'That sucks,' I agreed. 'I'm sorry I can't come out. You can come over if you really want – I'm just chucking on a movie –'

However, the sound of materialization made me change my mind hastily.

' – I...I mean, if you really want to sit though _Sleepless in Seattle_.'

This didn't have the intended effect. 'I love that movie!'

WHAT? That was supposed to be the no-fail anti-guy movie!

'Did I say _Sleepless in Seattle_? I meant…um...'

'_Querida_?'

I spluttered a helpless, 'Tomorrow night, I swear!' into the phone, before hanging up and whirling around. 'Jesse!'

He frowned. 'I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were talking into the phone…you did not have to stop on my account.'

'You thought I was talking to myself,' I wrinkled my nose. _'That's_ flattering.'

'I have no doubt that you're sane,' he smiled. 'Well, sometimes.'

I gave him a look, before getting off of my butt and running over to give him a hug. He returned my embrace with a surprised laugh. 'Yes, I missed you too, Susannah…'

I pulled my face away from his chest and looked up at him. Ever since that shifting lesson with Paul yesterday, I'd been nervous that he'd try to do something to Jesse. I mean, he made himself sound so capable of it. It was scaring me a little.

'I love you,' I told him, kissing his neck softly.

Perplexed, he returned my declaration with a nice, 'I love you too,' whilst stroking my hair. But then he got a little shifty eyed. 'Are you all right?'

I nodded, still kissing his neck. Oh yes, I know how to distract MY man.

He sighed, and both of his hands slid to my arms as he brought me in front of his face to fix me with an inscrutable gaze. 'Susannah, what's wrong?'

Damn. Maybe I should go for ear nibbling…

I blinked. 'Um. Nothing.'

'You're not a very good liar.'

'I am so!'

'Not to me,' he replied. 'I can always tell.'

I stared at him, wishing that I could tell him what was on my mind.

But let's review:

Jesse knew NOTHING about my letting Paul tutor me in the art of shifting. And judging from yesterday's lesson, I was pretty sure that both things would have seriously worried Jesse. I mean, I SO did not want to learn about ghost torture. That was sick and cruel and TOTALLY not my style. I mean, yes…I do use a little force when pissed off. But that's only in extreme circumstances (or if the ghost is a real wanker.)

Actually putting effort into learning various methods on how to make my dead charges truly suffer? _Negative_ cool, peoples. That's going into the realms of sadism. I mean, my fisticuff tendency is purely self-defense. Okay, and poor anger management. Heat of the moment stuff. Learning ghost torture is calculated. Pre-meditated.

And I don't care what Paul threatens, there's no way I'm going to get involved with the dark stuff. Because Paul's living proof that there's pretty much no going back.

So yeah. Jesse didn't know a thing of this. Well, besides from the Paul-is-evil bit. But that was pretty common knowledge. Only, since he was such a good lie detector when it came to me, I couldn't just pretend that everything was right dandy, because he could apparently see right through that.

Why couldn't I get cool unreadable eyes like his? All mysterious and shadowy and I-have-my-big-bad-secrets-y? Especially when I REALLY needed said eyes?

'Um,' I stammered, 'It's nothing really...I'm just – er…' I shrugged. 'Worried about work. I mean, the place is totally going to go under within a matter of months and I don't know if I could handle Mr. and Mrs. Hughes's sadness if that happened because they totally don't deserve to have an unsuccessful business because they are some of the nicest – and oldest – people I know and it really sucks that I can't do anything to help!'

'...Not a word,' Jesse shook his head.

'Huh?'

'The speed at which you talk never ceases to stun me,' he commented.

I gave him a bashful look. 'Shut up.'

He looked around. 'So…what have you planned for tonight? Seeing as you had to cancel your outing with your friend on the telephone…'

I slid my arms around his neck and grinned. 'I planned to spend some quality time with you, actually. But if _you _have other plans – '

Jesse rolled his eyes. 'Susannah, I'm dead. What better things would I have to do than be with you? Eat spaghetti? Scare the novices at the rectory? All right, actually, that _is_ fun… But, you understand my meaning.'

'Excellent answer,' I replied cheerfully, dragging him towards the bed. 'Do you wanna watch a movie?'

I'd recently introduced Jesse to the art of television, and he found himself to be most enthralled. From what he'd seen, he liked most of the movies that I hated, like _Saving Private Ryan_ – for the obscene amount of violent war scenes, eww – and Godfather- which I appreciate for the cinematic value, but I – not being a man in his 20's- do not understand why making cold blooded killers have honor is entertaining. We did have a mutual love of _Pirates of the Caribbean_, however. Of course, Jesse pointed out any historical inconsistencies that he noticed, but otherwise he said he was most impressed with its costuming and its realistic portrayal.

Oh yeah, and he peed himself when Johnny Depp was all urgently, _"But why is the RUM gone?_"

Sigh...I love my boy.

I can't wait until the second one is NetFlix-able so we can snuggle up together and watch it. I've purposefully resisted CeeCee's attempts at bringing me to the theater so I could watch it with Jesse.

I mean, I COULD go to the theater and Jesse could come with… but… how would that look? Me sitting there alone, my head resting on his shoulder? Especially since, to everyone else it'd look like I was resting my head on nothing. And plus, knowing the movie's popularity, someone might even try to sit in Jesse's spot.

So in any case, Jesse was eager to watch another movie. I asked if he wanted to see another movie with Johnny Depp in it, and he didn't actually realize that actors appeared in more than one movie. This puzzled him deeply, in fact, causing him to adopt the most adorable look of confusion. I wanted to kiss him right there and then...

After settling on _Sleepy Hollow, _we curled up on my bed. It wasn't exactly the most romance-inspiring movie on the planet, but Jesse seemed to enjoy it _way_ too much. I was starting to worry that he was developing his first ever celebrity crush on Mr. Depp, the way he was raving about him. By the time the movie ended, Jesse was grinning like a kid who'd just been given a really big ice cream.

The man loved his blood and guts movies. I'd been saving Evil Dead 2 for a special occasion; couldn't spoil him TOO soon.

'Can we watch another?' he asked eagerly, 'These are truly remarkable. And highly entertaining. I could almost watch these for hours…'

I was NOT letting my honey become a fat couch potato.

I smiled gooily at him. He really had the cutest grin on his face, all excited and shiny and enthusiastic. It gave him youth that I hardly ever saw. I always thought of Jesse as very wise, well beyond his years…which I guess he was, since he was like, one-hundred-and-seventy-something. But now, he looked his age…he looked as if he was catching up on some of the life he missed out on.

Even though he was still very dead.

He just didn't look it. Not when he was grinning like that.

I yawned a little. 'Sure….do you want another – '

His grin faded a little. _'Dios_ – you're tired, Susannah.'

I shook my head quickly. 'Oh, me? No, I'm fine...do you want another scary one? Not that _Sleepy Hollow_ was scary, exactly...more funny how people kept randomly getting decapitated – '

'I shouldn't have stayed this late,' Jesse fussed, starting to get up. 'It isn't proper.'

I pulled him back down, though. 'Oh, proper shmopper. Hey. Seriously, Jesse, I don't mind. If I fall asleep, then so be it.'

I just didn't want him to stop grinning so happily.

I also didn't want him out of my grasp. Not when Paul was making hardcore threats like he was.

'But – '

'Shhh!' I scowled at him, getting up and inserting _From Hell_, another Johnny Depp movie, into the VCR.

I than returned back to Jesse and snuggled up close to him, my head resting on his shoulder. He responded dutifully (I had him trained well) by wrapping his arm around me.

And without warning he turned to look down at me with that same giddy-kid-in-a-candy-store-smile. Did I tell you how beautiful you look today, querida?'

I blushed. 'Hmph. You really are a charmer sometimes, you know that De Silva?'

He brought my head closer in the crook of his shoulder. I closed my eyes and savored the feel of his body curled up next to mine. I took my arm and wrapped it around his chest nicely. God… I loved the way he felt.

He gently stroked my face with his thumb, before lowering his lips to mine and kissing me slowly and softly and – unfortunately – briefly.

'Hmmm…' I moaned, tiredly. 'Who told you to stop? That was nice and unexpected.'

He leaned back down against my bed and shifted me around so I was lying comfortably on his chest.

It's amazing how nice a pillow Jesse's rock hard tasty abs were. I snuggled deeply against them, just breathing.

Well, as promised, I didn't last very long. It was only about fifteen…maybe twenty minutes into the movie when I passed out. But the moments before sleep took me captive, oh God how rewarding they were.

I heard the TV shut off.

'Goodnight Susannah,' was the last thing I heard as Jesse kissed my head and pulled me into a more tight embrace and stroked my hair. 'Sleep well.'

Snuggled up against the man I loved more than _anything_ in my life, feeling his arm wrapped around me as my face slowly settled against his warm chest…

…I was so, _so_ happy.

Although, this happiness would be short lived. I didn't know it then, but bad things were beginning to happen. Bad things that I couldn't have seen coming.

_Bad things involving Paul Slater_…

-F&I-


	3. Robbie Gallagher

**Thanks to everyone who's reading this story so far! Here's your nect installment of "Fire and Ice."**

**Love Lolly and Steph. **

* * *

It was a week before I saw Robbie back in the Second Time Around Bookstore. 

I can honestly say, I didn't expect to see him back. I mean...not only does anyone really come back here after their first visit, but Robbie's reason for showing up again was that he wanted a job there.

When he walked through the creaky doors of the store, I recognized the mess of mousy brown hair immediately. My eyebrows shot heavenward as his appearance. 'Wow…hey again,' I smiled at him.

He gave me a nervous sort of grin back. 'Er,' he shrugged, 'I was just wondering…who do I see about getting a job here?'

Two seconds later, a burly looking lady of about forty came barreling into the cowering bookstore. She glared around fiercely before her eyes lay on me.

'Excuse me,' her voice was forceful, like an unrelenting gust of wind, 'My son is seeking employment in your store. What's your procedure for – '

I blinked quickly. 'Oh, um…let me just go get my boss, I'm sure he'd be happy to discuss this with you,' I mumbled. As I ducked into the back area, I heard Robbie hiss with mountainous embarrassment, _'Mom!_'

I scurried back to the little apartment that Mr. and Mrs. Hughes lived in, behind the store. After giving Mr. Hughes a heads up on the situation, he stared at me like my eyes had just started leaking blood. 'A boy wants to _work here?_'

Wow. He really had no faith in his business, huh.

Rushing back as fast as his arthritic legs could carry him, he burst through the Staff Only door and smiled at Robbie and his imposing mother. After cringing a little at her intimidating stature, his smile faded. But only a little. 'Good afternoon,' he greeted graciously. 'I'm Mr. Zachary Hughes.'

'Hughes, eh?' Robbie's mom said. 'Anyway, yeah. My son wants a job here. A nice, clean job where he won't get verbally abused by rowdy customers – '

'Mom!' Robbie glared at her, shooting a worried look at me.

'Robert, I'm not having you working at a place that gets all of the city junk visiting all hours of the night,' she retorted.

I tried to hide my laughter. Um, this was Carmel-by-the-Sea...and a second-hand _bookshop_…

However, since Robbie noticed my snigger and the color of his shame deepened to a fiery red, I forced my face to be deadpan. Poor kid…

'I can assure you, Mrs.…' Mr. Hughes realized too late that he didn't know the woman's last name.

'Gallagher,' she said stiffly. _'Ms. _Gallagher.'

'Ms. Gallagher,' my frail boss nodded respectfully. 'My bookstore sees hardly any trouble with its customers...be that as it may, I'm not sure if its entirely possible for my wife and I to be taking on any more employees at the current time…'

In panic, I shot a look at Robbie. And I saw his face fall.

He was absolutely crushed.

'Why not?' Ms. Gallagher demanded hotly. 'What's wrong with my son?'

'_Nothing_!' Mr. Hughes waved his wrinkly hands frantically; 'No, we are simply…financially unable to have any more staff…' his gaze wavered. It had obviously marred his pride to reveal that.

Robbie's mom snorted. She narrowed her eyes at her son. 'Why do you want to work _here,_ anyway?'

I frowned. God, she could have hidden her scorn a little more.

Robbie sucked in a breath, suddenly aware that we were all looking at him; me, from my little stool behind the counter, Mr. Hughes from behind his goggle-eyed glasses, and his mother with her sharp brown eyes.

'Uh,' he said timidly, 'I just…I don't know...' he shot a fleeting look at me, before staring determinedly down at his hands. 'I...I _really_ like this place...'

His gaze flickered back to Mr. Hughes' face.

The old man was beaming.

'And,' Robbie continued, eyeing me again, '_she_ said that I could read as much as I want. I love reading more than anything...'

Mr. Hughes looked at me curiously. After a moment, he sighed and his flabby eyelids came down. 'All right,' he smiled sadly. 'I supposed it would be all right to have just one more...you kids brighten up the place, anyway.'

Robbie's face absolutely lit up. 'Really?' he cried, 'I can work here?'

Mr. Hughes nodded firmly. 'Of course, son. I ought to warn you, the pay's not fantastic…Suze here will tell you that…'

'He doesn't give two hoots,' his mother scoffed. 'Your old place has books. With words in them no less. That's plenty enough for him.'

Robbie was glowing. He grinned toothily at me, looking not a day older than my little step-brother.

'Welcome aboard,' I smiled.

-F&I-

I guess I should have knocked.

I mean, it was Father Dom's office, not his BEDROOM or anything. But still, who knew what went on in that holy office of his? But whatever... it was a couple of days after Robbie Gallagher had started working at STAB, and I was starting to get really nervous around Paul. Since that day in the bookstore, he would always avoid the topic of that book, no matter how hard I pressed him for knowledge. But he enjoyed me asking, I knew that.

It scared me.

So, I decided that confiding in my local priest would settle my nerves.

'Morning Father Dom, I really should make this quick - ' I barged in briskly, only to be greeted by a frantic cough and a loud thud. Blinking, I absorbed the situation before me:

Father D had fallen off of his chair in what appeared to be a frenzy to put out a cigarette. I could tell, because the room's incense had fused with the distinct smell of smoke. Also, a rectangular bit of paper had fluttered from his hand, landing neatly on the floor in front of my feet.

'Father Dominic!' I said in shock. 'Are you _smoking_?'

His hands appeared at the top of the desk, and he heaved himself up, his sheepish face stained with a damn-it-you-caught-me... look. 'Susannah,' he nodded his head reluctantly, after crawling back into his seat.

Eyes still wide, I just stared at him. 'Oh my God.'

'You could have knocked,' he said irritably, shoving the butt against a notebook before tearing the page out and disposing of it. I crossed my arms, before once again noticing the bit of paper in front of me. I bent down to pick it up -

'Susannah, please don't look at - ' Father Dom spluttered, but I'd already turned it over.

It was a photograph - a rather old one, at that. It featured a very pretty girl of around...twenty, maybe? She was smiling brightly and alluringly at the camera, her light hair - I couldn't tell what colour; the photo was black and white - framing her face delicately in big curls. They fell just a little above her shoulders, making her look very Marilyn Monroe. Her eyes were huge, though. She had to have had the longest eyelashes I'd ever seen on a girl who definitely wasn't wearing mascara.

'Wow,' I smiled. 'She's a nice olden-day hottie. Who's she?'

Father Dom's gaze fell. 'Can I have the photo back please, Susannah?'

'But who is she?' I asked again.

'Susannah.' He gave me a hard look. 'Please.'

Caught off guard by the sudden vulnerability in his voice, I handed it swiftly to him. 'Sorry. She's really pretty though.'

He didn't reply, quickly and delicately storing the photo away.

'You came here without provocation. I assume there was something you wanted from me?' He eyed me carefully, trying to make me realize he wished to definitely _not_ talk about any of what just happened.

'Yeah.' Grateful for the awkward silence, I breathed out hard. I then proceeded to explain to Father D what had happened to me at STAB, regarding Paul Slater. Not the whole him-harassing-me thing – Father D's getting a little sick of hearing me whine about _that_, I imagine – but about the book. And how... excited Paul seemed about it, and how quickly he left, without telling me the title or anything. And then how it blatantly smelled like there was something rotten in Slaterville.

Father Dom sat stone faced and nodded through the whole shpiel. When I was finally done he took his tiny glasses off his nose and set them down on the table. He then rubbed the bridge on his nose and closed his eyes. 'Susannah...I think you are over-reacting. Again.'

My mouth fell, aghast.

'OVER-REACTING?' I practically, well, over-reacted to his outcry that I was over-reacting.

'_Susannah_. Really, no need to shout,' he tutted.

'It's just,' I said a little more calmly, 'Father D! The guy is SO obviously up to something! Something bad.'

'Susannah, you say that after every interaction you _have_ with the boy.'

'But Father Dom –'

'The subject is _closed_, Susannah.'

I sat down in the chair in front of his desk, huffing and puffing. But Father's Dom's house wasn't not coming down on this. And once Father D has said a subject is closed, that's what it is with him – closed.

After a few seconds of silent fuming on my part, Father Dom changed the subject.

'So... how is Jesse doing?'

I rolled my eyes. That was DomSpeak for: _'So...have you and Jesse knocked boots yet?'_ Only, I doubt Father D says the phrase "knock boots" being a priest and all.

'He's fine,' I said tersely. This was SuzeSpeak for: _'Sooooooo not your business, Father Dominic.'_

'Oh, that's good,' he replied - translation, _'I'm on to you, Susannah Simon. What have the two of you done?'_

'Yeah. It is,' I agreed, meaning, _'Two can play at this game, buster. I'll NEVER TELL.'_

'It's just, he isn't at the rectory as regularly as I'd hoped, considering he has indeed moved out,' Father Dom eyed me suspiciously. Which meant, '_So...he can go all night long, huh?'_

To which I replied, 'Maybe he's just haunting somebody else,' translating to, '_LA LA LA, NOT SAYING A WORD.'_

Father Dominic sniffed, obviously realizing he wasn't getting a thing out of me on the Jesse-Front. So, he defeatedly opted for a different topic once more. 'Anyhow, I'm actually glad that you did stop by - I was meaning to give you a call about some ghostly activity around the rectory.'

I groaned. 'Hey, do you hear that? I think that someone just called my name. Which means I have to go. Somewhere away. Far away. Bye - '

I attempted then to make a dash for it before he could rope me into any midnight dealings with dead ass wipes, but his voice was pretty sharp for an old guy. 'Susannah, you will not ignore your calling. Please sit down.'

Twisting my head back toward him, I made a face. A really gross one, too. DEFINITELY not a Kodak moment. 'Father Dom, please. I got enough to deal with, what with my job, and - '

I stopped. I didn't want to list "Trying to Get Jesse to Break Down His Propriety Barriers and Do Me Silly" as one of the activities that was taking up my time. Nor did I want to confide in the good Father that I was taking shifting lessons from the SWORN ENEMY.

Yeah. Then he'd be all, 'Then STOP! And then I won't have to hear you complain to me twenty four seven about his alleged misdeeds! _Yo, fool_!'

' - and...you know, the hardships of being a teenage woman constantly being pressured by modern day society to conform to an...idealistic, unrealistic image that...sucks,' I ass-talked.

He raised his eyebrows. 'You _truly_ are odd,' he remarked.

I sat down grumpily. 'Okay, what hobo do I have to knock some sense into this time?'

He stubbornly refused to reply to my violent suggestion, instead explaining, 'There's a ghost that has been occasionally wandering around the rectory, but she always disappears before I've had a chance to try and mediate her when no one is around,' he said. 'I've done some research, and it appears she died only recently from an accident in her bathroom.'

'She died from not getting to the toilet fast enough,' I said wryly.

'No, Susannah,' Father Dom gave me a harsh look. 'Amber was only nine. She was electrocuted while she was taking a bath, and the heater fell into the water. A little compassion would be extremely fitting at the current time, if you please.'

'...Oh,' I said, regretting my bad-taste joke. 'Sorry, I didn't know. Poor kid.'

'Indeed,' the priest said sadly. 'I'm asking you to perhaps come to the mission tonight. She seems to be trying to connect with a mediator, but she doesn't know how to track us. She knows there is indeed one here... if the both of us are looking for her, it will be much more likely that she will appear, due to the concentration of - '

'I get it,' I nodded. 'Okay, whatever. What time do you want me to come?'

'Midnight would be wonderful,' Father Dominic smiled tiredly. This was DomSpeak for, _'This way, I'm foiling your every plan of fornicating with Jesse!'_

To which I responded, 'Sure thing,' SuzeSpeak for, _'You think I can't fornicate any OTHER time of the day? God, you're naive.'_

'Thank you, Susannah,' he said gratefully. 'I will see you tonight.'

-F&I-

The moment I walked into STAB for my shift that afternoon, I knew something was up. Robbie was standing behind the counter, looking white-faced and paranoid, and my bosses were getting read the riot act by their daughter.

'Mom, I know it sucks,' Miranda said loudly. 'But seriously, do you know how much money it's costing to keep this place open? A lot, okay? You and Dad simply don't make enough to cover that cost. You have to close it down.'

'But Miranda,' Mr. Hughes said, 'Do you know how long this store has been open? It's been open ever since - '

'Ever since you and Mom got married, I know, like a century ago,' she rolled her eyes.

I usually liked Miranda. She had really bushy black hair, just like her mom - only hers was snow white - and she laughed a lot. She was only about thirty four or something, and she loved her parents dearly, it was obvious. But I guess today was the day she'd decided to put her foot down.

'Now Randi, don't be rude,' Mrs. Hughes said, looking rather upset. 'Darling, I know we're not doing very well at the moment, but - '

'But what?' her daughter sighed. Her face softened a little. 'Look. I know this shop means the world to you, I do. And before I married Kyle, I really loved working here. But it's gone downhill in the last four years, you know that. Don't you think that maybe it's time to - '

'To just give up?' Mr. Hughes demanded. 'We're fighting the good fight! Isn't that right, Betty?' He shot a passionate-about-the-books look at his wife.

'You're competing against Barnes and Noble, now,' she explained carefully. 'That's a very one sided fight, Dad. You know it is...'

Mrs. Hughes looked dejectedly at her husband. 'But...where would we go, Randi? What would we do?'

'Kyle and I have been _offering_ to build you a little place out the back! He's already turning the games room into a nice granny-flat.'

'Where will Emma and Trent - ' Mr. Hughes said in horror, but Miranda talked over him. 'The kids are fine; they're getting older, and their rooms are plenty big enough to play there. Seriously, we're happy to let you live with us. I mean, Kyle's mother is a completely different story,' she said bitterly. 'She's had been hinting about moving in for years.'

'We'd never put that burden on you,' her dad said decisively.

'It's not a - ' Miranda stopped, and ran her hands down her face. She then noticed me. 'Oh, hey Suze...'

The Hughes' saw me too, and leapt up with, 'But you brought Suze to us! And she's not going to have a job! Miranda, how can you do that to Suze? And to Robert?'

Robbie and I exchanged furious blushes at being bought into the bookstore war. 'Um, actually, don't - '

But Mr. and Mrs. Hughes were now heatedly defending out employment, saying we'd be "out on the streets" when they closed down. I sighed, and indicated with my finger for Robbie to follow me. He was at my side in a heartbeat. 'Suze, what if they close d - '

'Come on, let's go out back,' I whispered.

We both went through the Staff Only door, still hearing the extremely despondent voices of our employers. It was heartbreaking. I knew this day was going to come, but I didn't think it'd be this soon. Poor old people...

Robbie slumped into the couch, next to the bench with the hand basin, kettle and various ingredients for making the perfect cup of tea. He looked devastated. I mean, I felt kind of bad, but not working here any more wasn't going to kill me. Robbie, on the other hand...it seemed as if someone had murdered every Gallagher on earth, and he was suddenly diagnosed with testicular cancer and was told he couldn't make any more little Gallaghers.

'Hey,' I said, amazed that he'd become so attached to the store in that short a space of time. 'It's okay, Robbie. We kind of hand to expect it...I mean, this place ain't no ACDC concert.'

'...Maybe we could help,' Robbie suddenly looked up at me. 'Suze? Do you think we could do something?'

'Like what?' I wrinkled my nose. 'I mean...how can you save a failing bookstore? Get more old books?'

He looked away, his eyes wide. I could almost see the cogs working away overtime in his noggin. 'Maybe...' he murmured.

However, he was interrupted by the sudden comic stylings of Adam McTavish. 'SUZE! I thought I told you to stop taking the new employees to the backroom to show them how to really "serve" a customer!'

I looked over in mild surprise. CeeCee and Adam had just come through the Staff Only door. 'Um, not that I'm not happy to see you both, but what are you doing here?'

CeeCee raised her eyebrows. 'Your bosses are crying to some lady outside. They told us to go right on in. Trusting, aren't they?'

I told them what had happened. CeeCee looked heartbroken. 'Aww! That's so sad! I mean...they're so old.'

'Yeah,' I nodded. 'It is...'

Adam looked uncomfortable, knowing perfectly well that it was a sad moment, and not knowing what to say that wasn't insensitive.

'This is Robbie, by the way,' I said absently, waving a hand at my little colleague. The boy in question went red as a sun burnt strawberry, and buried his head in what appeared to be a notebook of some kind; a notebook that he'd been carrying around ever since he began, I'd noticed. He was constantly scribbling in it.

'Hello, Robbie,' CeeCee said warmly, suspecting a shy-guy without fail. Adam wasn't as easy on him. 'So, Robbie...seen Suze's bra yet?'

I threw a cushion from the couch at him. He caught it hastily, and grinned at Robbie's shocked silence. 'Yeah...I know. She wouldn't show me either...'

'Don't embarrass me, please,' I begged Adam, flopping back. CeeCee sat on the ancient coffee table, sighing. 'So what are you gonna do? As far as getting a new job?'

'She's going to pull in tricks from now on, of course,' Adam said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was actually tremendously disturbing to know that both he and Paul had both assured me that being a hooker was a lot better than my current job.

Robbie started scribbling in his book again, his face burning brightly. Aww, poor guy. I knew how he felt. Even I felt extreme shame around Adam. But in a good way.

'Listen, me and Robbie were just about to discuss ways that we could try and save our old folks,' I said. 'Any ideas?'

'Okay,' Adam said in a cinematic voice, 'Firstly, you'll need a turkey, a rubber glove, and a wacky-mirror...'

'Adam, please,' I appealed to him. 'Serious.'

Cee bit her lip. 'So, they're not making enough money, so Miranda wants them to shut the shop?'

I nodded. 'And they're not making enough money, because no one comes in here...'

'So we have to make people come in,' Adam said obviously. 'Willingly, I mean. Maybe we can turn the place into a museum...I mean, old books; old people...where could you go wrong?'

'Maybe - ' Robbie went to pipe up, but lost his nerve, and returned to his scribbling.

'Maybe we could go all Waco on the shop - you know, blow it up and they can collect the insurance.'

'Like, three dollars fifty,' I muttered.

'God, Adam. We ran out of explosives last week!' CeeCee rolled her eyes.

'Oh yeah,' Adam sniggered. 'Kelly's beach party...I remember now. Good times...'

Scared for my collective friends' sanity, I brought the conversation back to our SAVE STAB brainstorm. 'Any other ideas? Robbie, what were you going to say before?'

Robbie looked up, his eyes very deer-caught-in-headlights. 'Um...I've written down a few ideas...'

'Oooh!' I beamed at him. 'Let's hear them.'

As if trying to hide a smile, he coughed and looked down at his page - which was almost three quarters full of dot points. Adam raised an eyebrow, and said under his breath, _'O...kay...'_

'Well,' he said in a small voice, his messy hay-coloured hair falling into his eyes, 'I figured that to make the store more appealing for potential customers, we would have to perhaps get some new, um, working lights; rearrange the bookshelves so they're not so squashy; clean away all the dust; give the walls a paintjob - '

'I can think of a job I'd like Suze to give me right now...' Adam grinned smuttily, but CeeCee and I fiercely told him to shut up, and for Robbie to keep going.

'Um...we'd have to clean the windows, and maybe...maybe put a different design on the front since the current lettering has faded away...' he looked up. 'That's just the visual ideas I had. I think we would also need to get more books, somehow. My father has an enormous library at his house which he hardly touches...'

'At his house?' I asked, confused.

'Oh, um, my mom and dad split up,' he mumbled in a small voice.

'I'm sorry,' I said quickly. Well, that explained his mum's bitchy, 'Blah blah! MS. Gallagher! I'm so single, I'm NOT married' thing.

He looked mortified by my apology. 'Um,' he continued, 'and if I could get him to donate a large portion of his library, there would be a lot of enjoyable reading material for sale... my other idea was to perhaps run Story Telling sessions, and workshops for younger readers. Or even acting out stories, complete with costuming. Once the bookstore is more presentable and a little more successful, we could also maybe get authors to come here for poetry readings - '

At this point, Adam snorted a little. I mean, it was only a little snort...but CeeCee still hit him just the same.

It was enough for Robbie to clam up and not say another word.

'Adam!' I said angrily. I turned back to Robbie and said, with some awe, 'Oh my God, you just came up with all of that just then?'

He nodded, not looking at Adam. His shyness was excruciating. I actually felt really mad on his behalf that Adam had laughed at him.

'Robbie, some of those ideas were amazing,' I said sincerely. 'I mean, we could really do some of those things! Cleaning up the shop would take a few days...maybe a week, but I'm up for it.'

'I'll help too,' CeeCee said. 'Whenever I'm not working at the Pine Cone, I mean.'

'And I'll help too,' Adam said, looking a little guilty that he'd mocked Robbie, 'Whenever I'm not doing my really hot girlfriend. Who cooks and cleans.'

I rolled my eyes. 'You really need a blow-up doll, McTavish.'

Robbie cracked a smile, still looking down.

'Okay,' I organized. 'Are we ready to make this a workable plan, crew? Can we pull off Operation "Save STAB"? Will we commit to the reawakening of this noble, treasured - '

'Dusty, ancient - '

' - bookstore?' I ignored Adam.

Robbie met my gaze, looking more determined than I'd ever seen a freckly fifteen year old look. 'Yes.'

'I'm for it,' CeeCee grinned.

'Me too,' Adam said.

I beamed at all of them. 'Let's go take this to the Wrinkly Ones...'

-F&I-

Running it past the Hughes' had been a breeze. They were both desperate to try anything to save their beloved shop, and they'd told me that Miranda had given them a month to get the store back on its feet. She had no faith that they would, obviously, but our bosses were extremely excited with our action plan.

Then they brought up a little point I'd been anxious to avoid.

'But…new lighting? Paint for the walls? How will we afford it if we're trying to _make_ money?'

Robbie looked calm, however. 'My brother's an electrician,' he said happily. 'I'm certain he'll lend a hand…even if it's not the _best _lighting, we can still get something that's more affective than the present ones – '

'And my step-dad's a handy man,' I said. 'He'll have paint lying around everywhere. Trust us, Mr. and Mrs. Hughes…we'll pull it off, I promise you.'

Mrs. Hughes looked like she was going to cry. 'Oh bless you both…even if we don't make it, it means more than anything to Zachary and me that you cared so much…'

I gave her a firm eye. 'We can do this, really. Can't we, Robbie?'

He nodded resolutely.

Mr. Hughes stood up. 'Well, it's been a bit of an emotional day for me and Betty,' he sighed. 'Perhaps we should go for a little walk…'

'That sounds like a good idea,' I smiled kindly, and with identical looks of tiredness, they both hobbled outside in their cute but arthritic way. Finally, I rounded on Robbie, who was scribbling away once more. 'Okay, my heart is officially about to break,' I said, shaking my hands in an attempt to release excess "sad" energy. 'Tell me now, Robbie. Are we going to do this? Because I can't stand telling them that we can, if it's not going to work.'

'It's going to work,' Robbie promised me.

'We'll make it happen,' I smiled. 'You really care about this place, don't you?'

He nodded wordlessly, continuing with whatever he was writing in his notebook.

'I mean, all we have to do is make it look more inviting then people will actually notice this place is here. And they'll _want_ to come in – '

'Customer.'

'We'll get _lots_ more customers!'

'No,' Robbie whispered, 'There's a customer.'

I looked up, and once again groaned. Paul was back for revenge, it appeared.

'What do you want?' I asked rudely. 'Now's really not a good time.'

He sneered a little at Robbie, who was carefully trying to avoid being caught looking at Paul. 'Just thought I'd drop by and remind you that we have…an appointment when you get off your shift.'

'I was just trying to forget, actually,' I snapped. 'Seriously, Paul. Go. Stop hanging around my work.'

Paul smirked, and looked over at Robbie. 'She's a bitch, isn't she?'

Robbie looked up in shock, not answering. I hoped that was in horror of Paul's remark, not because he didn't want to agree in front of me...

Realizing he was going to get nothing from my colleague, Paul sniffed and wandered over to Robbie. Suddenly he snatched his notebook away.

'HEY!' Robbie exploded, trying to reach his book, but Paul was a lot taller even if he was only three years the boy's senior, and he held it high above his outstretched fingers.

'What have we got in here…?' Paul grinned cockily, flicking through the book. Then, he raised his eyebrows. I could see, from the way he was holding it, that the book was obviously filled to the brim with sketches. _Really_ good ones, too.

'Give it back!' Robbie yelled, looking panicked. But Paul continued flicking through, laughing at the – admittedly – weird cartoon sketches in between realistic drawings. 'What the hell is that?' he stopped at a page with what appeared to be a creature that appeared to be part woman, part crab.

His face hot enough to melt ice, Robbie stamped angrily on Paul's foot – but it didn't affect him in the slightest. Paul reached a sketch of a mermaid, commenting, 'Wow, because that's not gay at _all_…'

Finally, he reached the back of the book, landing on a drawing that Robbie had obviously been doing very recently.

I could tell this because of two reasons: one, it was not finished; two, the subject gave it away.

Me.

Even from behind the counter, I recognized my eyes. Which says a lot about Robbie's drawing ability.

'Looks like your little friend has a crush, Suze,' he sniggered, throwing the sketch book on the floor. 'I'd watch him if I were you…'

Robbie seized his book, hugging it to his chest with an expression that made me almost want to cry. He looked _so _hurt.

'_Get_ _the__fuck_ _out_,' I said savagely at Paul.

He grinned, an air of wickedness ensnaring him. 'See you at six, Suze. I've got a surprise for you...'

And with that, he left.

The moment he was gone, I ran to Robbie, patting his back awkwardly. 'I am _so _sorry,' I apologized, humiliated like I'd never been in my life. Holy Mother of God, I was going to CRUCIFY Paul for that! 'I'm so, so, so, so sorry...'

Robbie refused to look me in the eye. 'Um. Sorry for drawing you without asking,' he muttered ruefully. 'You just looked...I really wanted to draw you. I was scared you'd say no…'

'Robbie, God...your drawings are _awesome_,' I said. 'Really. I've never seen anyone draw like that. Can I have a look?'

He hugged his book a little more protectively. 'They're stupid. And weird. I draw really weird stuff.'

I laughed. 'I don't care. I can be very open-minded at times. Please?'

His knuckles, white from the strain of holding his sketchbook, finally relaxed that little bit. He quickly shoved the book at me as if he were scared he was going to change his mind and run away and burn it.

With a smile, I went back to the counter and sat down, opening it on my lap. He stood on the other side of the shop, his eyes trained on me earnestly.

After looking down again, I was greeted with a page-sized drawing of who I instantly recognized as Ms. Gallagher, his mom.

'Wow,' I breathed. He'd got everything right – her heavy, disapproving brow, the intensity of her fierce eyes, her strong chin... and hey, I'd only seen this woman once.

I turned the page eagerly to see three rough sketches of dragons, all in different flying positions. One of them was scribbled out, possibly because one of the wings was out of proportion.

I continued turning the pages, grinning at the remarkably well drawn images of a variety of fantasy creatures. He'd also been designing – as I read from little chicken scratch handwriting – new _Magic: The Gathering_ cards. (I made a mental note to ask him what the hell that was later.) Either that, or he did portraits...so _many _portraits. Girls, children, men – also, several celebrities that I recognized to be the chicks from Charmed, not to mention Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters, Lord of the Rings, and what appeared to be full color drawings of book covers he'd copied, one of which was one of the Stephen King books he'd bought the other day.

He was _amazing_.

I guess my mouth was hanging open by the time I finally reached my portrait. Once again, I recognized the determined looking eyes that stared back at me every time I looked at the mirror. He had this beautiful way of drawing hair, too. I mean, I knew my hair couldn't have looked that good. He'd put the highlights in skillfully, and he'd shaded to perfection on the left side of my face – the right side was what remained incomplete. I turned the page, but my picture was obviously the last one he'd done.

I shut the book, and glared at Robbie. 'How come you didn't tell me you could draw?' I demanded. 'Robbie, seriously. This stuff is _brilliant_. How'd you learn to draw like that?'

He shrugged. 'I dunno…'

'You never had lessons?' I was flabbergasted when he denied this.

In awe, I flicked through the book again quickly. Most were drawn in dark lead pencil, but occasionally some would be rendered with an ink pen, or colored pencils – some even with water color paints. Amazed once again, I said, '…Do you paint?'

He shrugged, looking torn between embarrassment and pleasure. 'I dabble.'

Finding this reply extremely cute, I smiled brightly, feeling a lot less angry now that Paul was gone, and Robbie was happy. 'Well…I'm gonna run this idea past you. How would you feel about doing some really, really big artwork all over the Second Time Around Bookstore's dingy walls?'

I couldn't have possibly asked a question that would have made him smile brighter, it seemed. He was _glowing_.

'I'd feel _very_ happy,' he smiled shyly.

-F&I-

After rather stroppily pulling up at Paul's house, I marched up to the door and hammered on the doorbell, all very ready to kick up a huge fuss about the appalling way he'd treated my friend.

When he finally answered the door, his leering smile faded somewhat immediately, I noticed. He must have detected my impending wrath.

'Oh God,' he rolled his eyes. 'If this is about the sketchbook thing – '

'Of COURSE it's about the sketchbook thing!' I spat at him. 'Do you know exactly how BAD you made Robbie feel? He's a really talented artist, and you made him feel really stupid.'

'Sorry, whatever,' Paul shrugged. 'Just come in – '

'Not until you agree to apologize to him _civilly_,' I said acidly. 'Either that or swear never to come near my bookstore again.'

'I'll apologize,' he muttered. 'Wouldn't want to sacrifice my wonderful visits…'

'Your stalking, you mean.'

'Now Suze,' Paul chided me as he pulled me inside. We started making our way up the stairs. 'It's only considered stalking when the stalker is unattractive. When the stalker is hot – like myself,' he stopped mid-step to grin smarmily at me, 'Then it's considered romantic. If I were ugly, then it would be considered illegal in over forty states.'

'You are so grossly full of yourself,' I said. 'There is nothing romantic about bullying my friends. Now _stay away _from him.'

'Hey, I didn't make up the rules. Blame _Amelie_, _Sleepless in Seattle_, _Romeo and Juliet, Say Anything…'_

'Aww…you and the girls been doing a little movie night thing?'

He gave me a flash of anger and didn't say anything else until we finally made it to his room. When he did, it was harassing once again...but did I expect anything better from him, these days?

'I see you changed,' he noted, giving an approving nod at the slip-dress that I was wearing. I groaned, although not entirely ready to reveal that I'd spilt orange juice all over my other outfit.

'I see you haven't,' I retorted. 'Still an ass.'

He smirked. 'Wow. _Cutting_. How will I get through the day with that insult replaying in my head?'

'Can we just get this over with?' I whined. 'I have even less patience today than my usual below-zero amount, due to your jack-asinine antics this morning – for which there will be NO forgiveness.'

Sniggering, he gave me a yeah-yeah-whatever look, and told me to sit on the bed while he found his lesson material. I did so with a sour disposition.

He returned, carrying what looked like two articles that had been photocopied out of somewhere. My gaze scanned over his desk, and my heart jump-started when I saw that the book he'd bought that day was lying open there. However, I couldn't see the title, or any pictures that would have lead me to learn what the book entailed.

Paul caught the direction of my gaze. 'Now, Suze,' he chided. 'I'll be demanding your full attention now…'

I put the book out of my mind and focused on him.

It was one of the worse lessons. He was being extremely obnoxious today, making cruel and tasteless remarks about ghosts and all of the shifter-y things he's capable of doing to them. Most of it was probably bullshitting, though. He kept just...looking at me, though. I'd look up from my required reading, and find him just staring at me with what I could only call...I dunno, fascination. Like I was extremely interesting or something.

It was very off-putting. He kept making stupid sexual comments too, which I tried my hardest to ignore.

However, just as we only had ten minutes to go, Paul's voice suddenly became silky. 'So, Suze...how are things with you and Drop Dead Fred?'

I shot him a glare. 'Do you always ask this, just so I can tell you, in great detail, how much better Jesse is than you? Because I will.'

Paul gave me a sarcastic look. 'Yeah. Right.'

Thinking the conversation was over, I went back to reading. It appeared that wasn't all he'd wanted to say, though. 'I mean...you're a red-blooded girl, right? It has to be killing you, when your boyfriend's practically a eunuch, right?'

I determinedly read, trying to pretend he didn't exist.

'Come on, Suze,' Paul smiled invitingly at me. 'I know this is exactly why you've been a bitch lately – you're not getting any. I know I feel the same way sometimes. But this is what I'm here for,' he said gravely, 'to save the world from the PMS of Susannah Simon. I won't _tell_ Jesse…it'll be our secret.'

It was uncanny how, whatever part of him was joking, there was a larger part that was deadly serious.

'Paul,' I shook my head in some sympathy that he suffered from such sever delusions, 'Would you just stop embarrassing yourself?'

Continuing to read the article, I didn't see what he was doing until after he'd done it.

'Come _on_,' he coaxed, his voice as slimy as it was silky...two words which he accompanied by sliding his hand _very far _up the dress of my skirt, stroking my inner thighs. My eyes snapped to him in pure, utter violation.

'Paul!' I managed in a strangled voice – to which he only responded with –

'That dress has been driving me _crazy_ all night...' before his lips came heatedly against my neck, while his fingers still moved between my thighs in a rousing manner. I gasped in shock.

'_Paul_! What the HELL is_ WRONG_ with you?' I screamed again, slapping his face, but it did not stop him from suddenly pressing his body over mine, forcing us to a horizontal.

But if I thought _that_ was the worst thing that would happen that night, I was sadly mistaken...

-F&I-

* * *

**Please review. **


	4. Mean Girls

**This chapter's subject to later editing. and we're so sorry it took this long! But things are starting to get really interesting, now...**

**Lolls and Steph. **

**-F&I- **

'Paul!' I snapped one last time, 'Get OFF of me, you stupid – '

'Suze, _seriously_ –' he went to say with a frustrated groan, but I was quick to remember that in situations such as this ghastly one, Paul responded best to pain.

I proceeded to launch my fist into a personal attack on his cheekbone.

He jerked his face away from my neck just in time to swear.

'Are you telling me you didn't _expect that_?' I hissed in disbelief as I shoved him forcefully away from me, scrambling off his stupid big bed. 'Oh my God...are you saying that the WHOLE time, you just – I mean, I always knew that you didn't want to teach me shifting because it would broaden my academic horizons – ' more like broaden the space between my legs ' – but if you even suspected that after everything, I'd lose my head like I did last time and _lower _myself to you – '

By now, he'd stood up angrily. 'What the hell? What do you mean, lower yourself? Suze, your other option is a GHOST.'

'Oh would you shut up about that already?' I shrieked at him, so furious I felt my blood would claw past my flesh and scratch his eyes out there and the, 'I'm not _blind_ – I know! Just unlike _you,_ I don't care! I love him anyway!'

'Suze!' he said in exasperation, 'It's _disgusting_. It's just – it's _wrong_. I've told you before; ghosts are merely the scrapheap that we shifters are able to fuck around with to increase our boundless powers. And when I say "fuck around with" I don't mean that as literally as YOU seem to be interpreting it!'

I'd never had an argument like this with Paul before. Sure, we'd been defensive and offensive occasionally…but never with this much rage (and in my case, hatred) at each other. It scared me – it made my entire body shudder.

I closed my eyes in a feeble attempt to escape from having to watch him storm at me with his oh-so-righteous shifter morals. I knew on some level that my love for Jesse was unpractical…but that didn't make him some creature that Paul could torture for shits and giggles. The fact that someone of my kind – a very powerful shifter – thought this was our only purpose on this earth...it scared the hell out of me.

But it didn't stop me from fleeing from what I thought was destined to be a future of induced sadism. I wouldn't let myself become what Paul had.

I'd die before my soul turned so cold…

Opening my blazing eyes, I gave him a deadly stare. 'Paul,' I said my voice shaking in its hateful softness, 'These shifter lessons end here and now. You and I are further apart than you can even imagine. I'm not like you... I'll never _be _like you. I'm better than everything you are, and you know it. So what if I've fallen in love with one of the ghosts I was put on this world to save? He's more human than you will _ever_ be,' my voice scythed at him. 'Now _stay away from me_.'

Our gaze was as fiery as it was frozen. Paul was immobilised before me, looking as if I had just shot him in the heart that he didn't have. I stood my ground, though. If I backed down, he'd steal back the power –

Finally, with a last, 'Goodbye, Paul,' I turned to leave.

He moved rapidly, however, desperate to trap me here. 'Don't you _dare_ go,' he spat at me, seizing my arm and whipping me around to face him. 'Suze, I swear to God I'll crush him. You know I can, and I will. You haven't seen me lose control yet, but everything I've practised and have bled for has prepared me for the scenario when you try to back down from our deal. Are you going to sacrifice that?' he demanded, his eyes dancing with shrieking, twirling flames that sought to burn me from within with a crippling fear.

However, all I did was smile wanly.

'_I don't believe you_,' I said aloofly. 'I don't believe you ever had the power to hurt him, other than shift him to the Shadowland – where I could easily bring him back. I believe that you just _said_ you did, so you could emotionally blackmail me into spending time with you.'

I tossed my head waspishly. 'Well guess what, Paul Slater? ...I've finally called your bluff.'

His face twisted into one of incredulity. 'You _what_? Suze, are you _stupid?_ I'm not – '

But I was gone. I ripped from his hold and plunged down those stairs with the speed that my fear would allow.

_...A big, arrogant part of me believed that he was just trying to scare me into compliance by threatening my boyfriend. A smaller, logical part somehow knew there was truth behind his claims, and power behind his malicious threats..._

_The arrogant part of me won out when it counted, though. And I refused to back down._

Stuffing my keys into the ignition, I reversed ferociously, before rumbling down Scenic Drive with a sense of finality. This would be the last time I'd ever drive by here with my destination being Paul Slater's house, after all.

As I drove, a feeling of freedom encompassed me, making me want to squeal with joy. After all this time, all I'd ever had to do was realise that he was just playing on my deepest fears. He'd never had the guts or the intention to act upon them.

And now, I had unchained myself from his side. I could grow into the mediator I was born to be, and I would be good and just and _never_ would I question if I had a darker purpose.

I wouldn't be moulded by Paul's hands of hell, into a carbon copy of a demon.

At eight, I reached home with only four hours before I was due at the Mission Academy that night to search for Amber, the little girl who'd accidentally electrocuted herself in her bathroom.

I grinned.

What better way to guarantee my goodness than to help a rookie ghost move on?

In a better mood than I had been in months now that the stalking shadows had been slain, I greeted my step-family and ate my dinner without stupid anti-Dopey remarks in between serves of tortillas. By nine, I was showered and in bed, determined to get two hours of sleep before I had to go ghost-hunting at the Mission.

My sleep was restful. Whatever part of my brain that hadn't been convinced of Paul's total incapacity to destroy my life was effectively squashed by the victorious part, making sleep peacefully like I hadn't in weeks, despite the fact that it was only two winks.

By eleven, I was sliding into my black leather get-up, ready to stealthily evacuate the house. My hair, however, took longer than I expected...

By twelve _thirty-five_ – I know, I know...I dawdled on the hair-straightening – I was at the Mission, eagerly awaiting Father Dominic to come and brief me on my assignment.

The night was chilly with a low fog sweeping across the ground like haunting breath. I shivered a little, bouncing on the shop for warmth.

'_Querida_…'

I turned, beaming. 'Jesse!' I sang, launching myself at the love-of-my-life in question and holding him tightly. Confused at my affection, he laughed. '_Dios_, what has you in such a pleasant mood?'

I clapped my hands on either side of his face and drew him down for a long, tender kiss that I felt all the way down to my toes. I pressed myself into him fervently. He didn't pull away at my forwardness, either – we only had to stop when an indignant 'Ahem…' interrupted our shared contentment.

'Oh,' I grinned at a stony-faced Father Dom. 'Sorry...got a little overly-excited there.'

Jesse still couldn't form words.

'Susannah,' Father Dom drawled in some amusement...but, um, mainly annoyance. 'Finally, you've graced the Mission with your presence. To what do we owe this extremely late honour?'

I shrugged. I doubt he would have been jazzed about the time it took to perfect my hair.

Rolling his baby blues, he said, 'Well, I would like us all to split up. Whoever sees Amber first is to call Jesse, who is to alert the other of her whereabouts. If Jesse sees her, then he is to materialise her to me.'

'Why not me?' I asked innocently.

'Because I said so,' Father D replied, DomSpeak for, '_Because you'll screw it up_.'

I smiled obligingly, which surprised my priest. 'Are you…quite all right, Susannah?'

'Super,' I said.

…_Super_? When do I say _super?_

Eww. But whatever.

Accepting my insanity, Father Dom sighed and began walking in the direction of the lower-school halls. Jesse was taking the upper school halls and classrooms, and I had been designated the courtyards and bits in between.

The moment Father D was gone though, I went back to kissing my boy.

After several minutes of this, Jesse finally gasped, 'Susannah…we really ought to look for the child...'

'In a second, I'm almost done…' I whispered breathily, pressing against him as I delighted his neck. I felt the muscles in his back clench as a groan rippled through him.

'S-Susannah,' he tried again.

Seeing his point, I ceased. 'All right, whatever. I'll do my job like a good girl.'

With a longing smile, he dematerialised into the night, leaving me to the fog's ghostly mercy.

Waltzing around boredly, I called, '…Aaaaaamber…oh, _Amber…_where aaaaaare you…?' whilst swishing my arms through the fog to experiment with how much it moved from my force. Not much, granted.

I wandered out to the graveyard, looking around to see if I could find any random dead kids floating around…unfortunately, I was unsuccessful.

Retreating back to the school after more procrastination, I headed back toward the main courtyard where the newly un-decapitated Junipero Serra stood in all of his fascist glory.

…It was the distinct sound of a child that made my ears twitch before I turned the corner to the courtyard.

…BINGO.

Whoo hoo! Susie beat Dommy to the ghostie! Who's the hotter mediator? That'd be MOI.

As I rounded triumphantly, the sight that lay before my suddenly horrified eyes forced me freeze solid.

There, sitting on the bench beneath the huge statue, was Paul Slater with a blond girl of nine crying on his knees.

My heart seized up.

Detecting my presence, he looked up over at me, and a deeply sinister smirk was carved across his face. 'Aaah. Suze. We've been waiting for you. Poor Amber's just been telling me how she died.'

The girl, who was sobbing into a handkerchief that I recognised all too well as Paul's, glanced up tearfully. 'Is she the girl that was mean to you?'

Paul patted her back, his eyes riveted sneeringly at me. 'Yes, Amber. That's the mean girl. Don't you think that mean girls should get what's coming to them?'

I blinked in utter shock. 'Paul. What are you doing?'

All he did was continue to smirk in a way that shattered my falsely perfect universe as each second passed.

Amber looked at Paul's face, sniffling. 'Mean girls should _always_ be taught a lesson,' she said decisively.

Paul grinned at her, patting her hair. 'And you're going to help me teach her a lesson, aren't you Amber? Just like you promised me. And then, you'll be able to hug your mom and dad again, just like you wanted. I'll give you whatever you want…'

With hope glittering in her eyes, she smiled. 'Yes, Paul.'

Paul set her down off his lap, grinning at me again. 'We thought you'd never come, Suze…'

Horror unforseen wrenched my gut. What was happening? 'Amber,' my voice was harsh and shrill, 'Get _away_ from him.'

She narrowed her eyes, and held his hand pointedly. '_No_.'

'Amber's not stupid,' Paul said scornfully. 'She doesn't listen to people like you, Suze. People who break their promises.'

'Amber, please!' my heart was hammering in my chest, slamming against my ribcage with unhindered force, 'Amber, he's a _bad man_. Get AWAY FROM HIM!'

'No!' she yelled angrily, holding Paul around his middle – he looked deeply satisfied with her uncompromising loyalty as he smirked ominously at me.

'And you didn't take me seriously,' Paul laughed, his darkness rushing at me from all directions. 'I'll show _you_ who's bluffing, Suze.'

And with that, Paul seized Amber by the upper arm and slammed her against the ground before inaudible words slithered from his mouth, and suddenly Amber, blazing with red light, was screaming louder than I thought was possible. Then, with her bare hands, she started tearing at her own clothes, twisting and writhing on the ground in her fitful shrieks of pain.

'AMBER!' I shrilled, launching myself at her to try and save her, but forceful arms pulled around my own, thwarting me. 'Let me GO!' I thrashed against Paul, watching in horror as the child in front of me, who'd succeeded in tearing her very shirt off, was now screaming and scratching her skin and face ruthlessly – I saw blood shimmering from wherever her nails marred her.

'STOP IT!' I begged, my hysteria matching her own. Tears sprang to my eyes at my helplessness. 'Paul, STOP IT! She's just a kid! LET HER GO! PAUL!'

His arms would not relinquish me; the harder I struggled to help Amber, the tighter he constricted. When I saw dark blood pooling beneath her half-naked skin in the moonlight as she fought against something unseen, I knew I couldn't save her. I tried to turn away in my uncontrollable crying, but Paul's fingers dug into either side of my face as he turned my face toward her, opening my eyes wide with his relentless fingers.

'_No_,' he snarled in my ear, 'You need to watch this, Suze. This is the lesson that you need to be taught. This is what I'm capable of – '

'Stop it!' I screamed.

' – and if you _ever_ doubt me again, this will look like peanuts compared to what I unleash on your stupid waste-of-space boyfriend.'

Amber flipped in excruciating pain, her piercing shrieks slashing at the night's chill with a violence summoned by the man forcing me to witness it all. I was broken with tears, shaking in his imprisoning arms. Then she shrivelled, shaking like mad.

Finally, Paul waved his hand and in a last act of mercy and Amber's shuddering, torn body disintegrated into a swarm of glistening red dust which looked suspiciously like particles of blood. Unable to move from my horror, I collapsed against Paul.

He spun me around, holding me against him. 'Oh Suze,' he sighed, stroking my ice-cold face, 'I didn't want it to be like this...but after today, did you really leave me any choice? You know I hate seeing you in pain...but it was the only way,' he assured me in a voice that harboured a mockery of compassion.

No…all that rang in my ears was amusement.

Victory.

And the thrill of the kill.

'Now you know what I'll do,' he went on forbiddingly, menace echoing from his dark words, 'I reckon you'll think twice before walking out on me again.'

I didn't reply – the horror was working its wicked way through my system, paralysing my nerves and turning my blood to ice so it would not flow.

'I think you've learnt your lesson...' he smiled, kissing me gently with lips that were as warm as mine were cold and dead.

Before I knew it, he released me – and I crumpled to the floor as his support was suddenly gone. I crawled back from him. He just smiled.

And walked away, disappearing into the fog.

-F&I-

It was only a few minutes before I was happened upon, but I swear to God it felt like hours. I could not take my eyes off of the place that Amber had thrashed against the haunting pain Paul had thrust upon her. I couldn't hear anything but the echo of her terrified screams.

But most terrible of all was the fact that whatever Paul's lesson had been, he had _enjoyed_ that.

He hadn't seen her as an innocent nine-year-old girl who'd just died a tragic death. He'd seen her as an experiment. As an "it." A convenient means of revenge against me.

He'd tortured her to get back at me. She died because of me...

'Susannah! _There_ you are! I heard screaming, _querida_ – '

Jesse's voice faltered.

I couldn't even blink – all I could do was stare at where she had been.

'…Susannah.'

Concern soaked his words heavily now. I felt hands gently slide beneath my arms as he pulled me to a standing position. I stared blankly away from him, feeling cold and scared.

He was touching my face, but it didn't seem to make it any better. What had happened _couldn't_ be made better. A girl had been tortured.

'Susannah,' Jesse's voice was definitely tainted now, with a spark of fear. 'Susannah, you're right in front of me…but I can't sense you. I can't connect with you.'

This quivered my traumatised stupor. '_What?_'

I didn't understand what he meant. But his voice was urgent.

'I can usually sense where you are; when you call for me. When I heard screaming, I couldn't find you anywhere – I couldn't feel where you were, 'he said. 'Are you blocking me?'

I screwed up my face in confusion. 'Blocking?'

However, whatever he meant by blocking, he dismissed it quickly in favour of a new problem. 'Susannah, you're _freezing_. What happened here? Did you find Amber? Did she take fright? Was that the screaming I heard? I…I thought I heard you too…'

My lips started shaking again. I didn't know why I was having such difficulty hearing his questions. They refused to register. I just frowned, shivering like mad, my mind replaying Amber's fitful shrieks of agony as she twisted on the ground, subject to Paul's sadism...

'Susannah!' Jesse shook me up a little, 'What is wrong with you?'

Then, I cracked.

The tears came from nowhere, it seemed. It was as if something had dammed them – the shock and the fear of it all – now the dam had broken and the fear came flooding from my eyes. I started crying like I could not remember, burying my face in Jesse's chest. Now, he sounded even more scared. '_Querida_, please…tell me what happened,' he begged.

After about five minutes of my hysterical crying, Father Dom joined Jesse and me, looking bewildered at my panic-stricken state. 'Jesse! What _happened_?'

'She won't tell me,' Jesse replied, unease slicing through his words. He'd sat me down on the bench beneath Father Serra's statue, kissing my forehead and rubbing my back as I clung to him. 'She's been crying ever since I found her…_querida_, please calm down...'

I choked on my sob, glancing apprehensively at my fingers. Drawing a breath, I tried to begin my explanation, but the words became dyslexic in my head and I couldn't release them.

'Did she find Amber?' Father Dom grilled. 'I could not.'

'Nor could I,' Jesse said, stroking my tear-stained face, 'And I don't know if she did…she hasn't said a word. _Something_ happened to her, _Padre_.'

'Susannah,' Father Dom knelt in front of me, touching my knee tenderly. His eyes were soft but intense with questions. 'Are you all right?'

Struggling to reply, I settled for shaking my head. I looked down at my hands again, and saw how violently they were shaking. I stuffed them in the pockets of my leather jacket. Jesse noticed, and his jaw tightened.

Father D sighed, rubbing his eyes. 'Bring her to my office, Jesse. It's a little chilly out here.'

'Only a little,' Jesse said heavily. 'It cannot be responsible for how cold she is to touch, _Padre_. She is ice.'

After the short walk to Father Dominic's office, where I interrupted the night's silence with my stupid uncontrollable crying, I finally started settling. This was prompted by a lot of hugging and shushing on Jesse's part, which contributed immensely. Father Dom's office was like a sanctuary, with its slight church-y smell, its comfy arm chairs that Jesse and I were snuggled up in, its big solid desk that held my world together, and the warm light that flooded comfortingly, casting no shadows. After the shock had worn off after long last, I started speaking for the first time in over half an hour, now able to structure a sentence without it being distorted by sobs.

'Susannah,' Father Dominic said, burning with curiosity. They both kept saying my name so much… 'Tell me what happened.'

My watery gaze slid up to his. 'You were wrong,' I whispered.

The priest looked politely at me, concern radiating from his dull skin. 'I was wrong about what, Susannah?'

Stop saying my name...

'About h-him,' I stuttered. 'I told you he was up to something – but you didn't listen, and now because of me he – '

'Who?' Father Dominic narrowed his eyes. '_Paul_?'

'Slater?' Jesse said sharply, his hold tensing around me. I flinched, and looked away.

Father Dominic shushed him hurriedly. 'What happened with Paul?' he asked kindly.

I told both of them the secret that I had corked up for months now, about my secret meetings with Paul on an almost daily basis – at his demand – and how he'd become progressively more hateful towards the dead, intrigued greatly by methods to brutally harm them...his eagerness to share the knowledge and corrupt me too. I told them both what I'd said this afternoon when I finally left, and I repeated his threats against Jesse.

Then, I recounted exactly what he'd done to Amber…and how he'd forced me to watch her suffer.

…And how he promised that Jesse would be next if I acted out again.

I couldn't hide it from them anymore. Now more than ever, keeping that secret would have _killed_ me. However, the minute I had finished and was ready to dissolve into a fresh session of sob, Jesse's voice rumbled in quiet rage, 'I'm going to _break his neck_…'

'NO!' I screamed, grabbing his shirt and shaking him hard. 'Jesse, NO! Did you not listen to what I just SAID? Don't go anywhere NEAR you! He'll...oh my God, he told me about so many things he's capable of...I didn't think they were all true...'

The thought of Jesse having to repeat his death for all eternity made me want to vomit up flesh, blood and bone.

Jesse's face was pure thunder. However, Father Dom saw my side and gave Jesse a fierce look. 'Jesse, she's right,' he ordered. 'Do _not_ approach him. My Lord, I never would have conceived that he would go this far…' he shook his head in disbelief. 'Jesse, I know you are angry, and I know you want to – '

'Did you not _see_ her cry?' Jesse demanded hotly, standing up and marching to prime materialising position. It was scary: his quivering fists were balled, and I could see his fingernails digging into his palms while his knuckles shone white. '_He_ did that! And he will – '

'He'll DESTROY you!' I yelled. 'Jesse, please! Don't give him a reason! It's what he wants! If you go after him, I will _never_ forgive you.'

This hurt him. Reason started infiltrating his features as his rage settled. He looked at me, ashamed. 'I'm...I'm sorry...just, he – '

Father Dom shushed him again though, jamming his eyes closed. 'Still, 'he murmured, looking troubled, 'How are we going to rectify this problem? Paul is a serious threat now; one we did not perceive – '

'I PERCEIVED IT!' I roared. 'But you were all, "The case is CLOSED, Susannah!" You just brushed me off when I TOLD you – '

'You're not helping,' Father Dominic said loudly. 'I apologise deeply for that, Susannah. I was wrong – '

I rolled my eyes. 'Well, what are we going to do about it now? He's got it in for Jesse. I can't live my life playing by his rules – any wrong move I make, and Jesse's a goner. We can't just take his powers away or anything. He's going to keep getting stronger and more evil and bastard-y and – '

Father Dom stood up so fast that he knocked over his In/Out tray. 'Of _course_!' he cried suddenly, beginning to pace in a frenzied manner.

I blinked. 'What? What did I say?'

He looked back at me, staring at me long and hard. 'I've never performed it,' he revealed a whole lot of nothing. 'I've never known anyone to perform it...to my knowledge, it's only rarely had to be used...'

'_What_?' Jesse and I said in unison.

He glared at his overturned In/Out tray on the floor. 'There is a ritual,' he whispered, 'that will strip the powers of a mediator.'

'A shifter,' I breathed.

'It's all the same,' Father Dom waved his hand, smiling slightly...in a more manic way than usual. 'Susannah, if we perform this...he will be intensely furious.'

'I can handle that,' I assured him. 'It's spontaneous combustion of my boyfriend that I don't do well.'

Jesse gave me a that's-the-least-of-your-worries glare.

Determinedly, I stated, 'I want to do it. The sooner, the better. Otherwise, Paul will catch onto what we're up to when I don't retaliate after what he did tonight. I want to do it as quickly as possible, so he doesn't have time to maim any more innocent ghosts...specially ghost _kids_.'

That was just revolting.

'Right,' Father Dominic nodded officially, gazing at the wall of his office pensively. 'Well, perhaps tomorrow night we – '

'Why not now?' I whined. 'Do you need equipment? I'm FULLY ready to do some breaking and entering. Please,' I appealed to him woefully, 'I need to stop him. You didn't see what he did to her, Father…'

His lip twitched up sympathetically. '…We will do it tonight,' he decided brusquely. 'This may take a _lot_ of your energy, Susannah. Are you prepared for that?'

'Do I _look_ unprepared?' I snapped. 'What do I do?'

-F&I-

It was nothing like exorcism.

I mean, yes, it was kind of exorcism of Paul's powers and stuff...but the ritual was like nothing I'd ever performed in my life.

Usually, I was just used to saying a bunch of foreign words in the middle of a circle of candles and chicken-blood symbols.

This...for this, I had to kneel in front of a large basin of fire in the very centre of the chapel. I had to chant at exactly the right moments. I had to cut the tip of my finger, and shake a drop of _my_ blood, not some _chicken_'s, into the basin, at which point the fire turned black. Father Dom was standing right in front of me, telling me everything to say. He told me when things were about to happen, but I distinctly noticed that he did NOT tell me that the black fire from the basin would suddenly flare upward and scorch my hands.

I screamed in pain, trying to jerk my hands away, but they wouldn't move. Jesse started yelling in Spanish at Father Dom, who, paler than I'd seen him, flicked through his black book. 'I…Susannah, I think you must…oh dear – '

'IT'S – REALLY – _HOT_!' I roared at him furiously. I hadn't agreed to this! LAWSUIT'S A'COMIN'!

'Raise your hands!' Father Dom cried, jabbing his finger at the page triumphantly, having found what the hell I had to do next. 'Raise your hands and call his powers to you, Susannah!'

I gasped and panted, trying to withstand the fire's devastating heat. No matter how much I could feel my skin bubbling and burning, my hands looked completely unharmed. Sweat was pouring down my face, and I bit my tongue to misdirect the pain. Then, I thrust my arms upward, yelling Paul's name.

...And a bunch of other technicolour words that perhaps were best not said in front of my Roman Catholic Priest and my extremely moral boyfriend.

But my HANDS WERE ON FIRE.

So shut up.

My entire body was ready to burst from the pain of bearing flames. I was shaking and panting and trying to manage the heat, trying to concentrate on calling his powers, trying to remember how much I hated him, trying to not give up when I was so close...

It tested me. It certainly did. I wanted to fall away, crying. I didn't want to be put through that – it was harder than I'd thought it would be. No wonder Father Dom had looked grateful after I assured him that I'd perform it.

…Ultimately, the black flames from within the basin shot up to the topmost arch of the chapel's roof. I screamed again, turning my face away from the dark blaze of sweltering heat as it charred my poor skin.

But as the flames died, they began pulling down with it, what looked like a thorny string of blood-red light. The fire descended until it relinquished my hands from its singeing snare, allowing the strong to coil neatly in my hands. My hands started shining white, and the coil transformed into a small scarlet stone, attached to a length of fine silver chain…

A necklace effectively lay in my hands, the jewel winking evilly at me.

The moment the flames died completely, I dropped the scarlet jewel into the basin, falling to my side from sheer exhaustion.

'Oh my God,' I panted. Jesse came rushing to my side, sliding his arms beneath my knees and back respectively, hoisting me up and holding my close. I really had no energy left. My hands twinged from the fire, but other than that they didn't burn like I had been under the impression that they had been.

I was fine, except for the fact that I was about to pass out.

Father Dominic came to stand beside me, smiling with pride.

'You did it, Susannah,' he beamed at me. 'You did it courageously, effectively, and obediently.' He swooped down to snatch the jewel from the basin. 'This holds pure power. You saw the colour of that light…it was red. It shows his level of corruption. You shone white when you held it – your power and your intentions are still pure. Remember, Susannah,' he clasped the necklace around my neck, 'Don't let that stone smash. If you do, it will be merely _words_ that will keep Paul's powers from returning to him. They will have to be said by you.'

I nodded, not following everything.

Jesse kissed me chastely on the forehead, before gazing down at me with sympathy and…well, respect. Whoot!

I was really, _really _dead. 'I need to go to sleep…' I moaned, my body aching from the attack upon it moments before.

Father Dominic couldn't have agreed more. 'I will drive you,' he said. 'You're in no state to be on the road…you will pick your car up in the morning. Come, Jesse...bring her to my car; she is in dire need of rest.'

I certainly was. It was like, two in the morning.

Within the half-hour, I was safely tucked into my bed with Jesse speaking quietly in my ear about how I should have just _told_ him about the shifting lessons, how he wouldn't have "flown off the handle," how much he loved me, how precious I was to him, how at peace he felt when he was holding me, how beautiful my hair smelt…

That guy does wonders for my usually underweight ego, I tell ya.

With the jewel hanging coldly against my skin, I breathed out a sign of overwhelming exhaustion. I couldn't move a muscle; I hurt so much.

But it was happy hurt. Because now, I'd guaranteed my boyfriend's _permanent_ safety...not to mention, the safety of a _lot_ of other innocent ghosts. Paul's powers were gone. He was just like everyone else now. He couldn't see, hear, speak to or touch the dead. Jesse was just his cold spot.

_I'd_ done that. After so many months of putting Jesse in danger, I'd finally saved him from a fate worse than death. And I slept better knowing that.

So yeah, with a mind that restful, I _so _wasn't expecting to be shoved roughly against a wall by my throat at 3AM, with icy pale eyes drilling knives into me as he demanded in cold fury:

'_What have you done to me?'_


	5. Power Snatching

**Hellos, my little Romeos. Here's yet another instalment of Fire and Ice. This is just the calm before the storm – life is going on for Suze… Enjoy the tranquillity while it lasts. **

**Gay and straight love,**

**Lolly and Steph.**

-F&I-

I'll be the first one to admit I was terrified. Even in my disorientation at being woken up so suddenly only to have my head crashed onto a hard surface, jarring me, I was _still_ very aware of whose hands were squeezing around my throat. I could feel each of his fingers biting into my skin as he suspended me against the wall so my feet were unable to touch the ground below them. I tried prying his fingers away from my neck, but he only squeezed harder, putting an _enormous_ pressure in my head from lack of air.

He'd asked me what I'd done to him. I would have _told_ him – or have acted dumb, either of the two – but it was kind of hard to talk…or BREATHE, when he was basically trying to strangle me.

Realising this, he dropped me. However, the moment I tried to distance myself from him, he smashed me against the wall, this time seizing my wrists and pinning them above my head, allowing the rest of his body to hold me in place. It was only a little better as far as being able to breathe went. He was crushing my _lungs_ now instead of my wind pipe.

'I'll ask you again,' his voice was grinding against me, terrible and raw, 'What did you _do_ to me, Suze?'

As much as I was shaking, I didn't want to give into fear and show weakness. I stood by mine, Jesse's and Father Dominic's decision to strip him of his shifting powers. He was misusing them, and he didn't deserve them. And I should have expected this. I mean, Father Dom had warned me he'd be angry… but this was really scaring me.

So, why wasn't I calling Jesse?

I probably should have been. I don't know. I hadn't gotten used to the idea of Paul's powers being castrated. Somewhere, somehow, I still feared some massive threat to Jesse. I didn't want him anywhere _near_ this guy.

So my astral S.O.S. never sounded when I was around Paul.

I glared at him even through my fear. 'What you deserved,' I sneered. 'After what you did to that girl, how could you even _think_ I wouldn't do something about it? You can't just push me around and expect me to – '

But that's exactly what he did. Seizing me by the shoulders, he threw me on the floor with more force than I'd imagined. I gasped sharply as my elbow grazed the floor – I could feel warm pain dribbling from the location of offence. With my other hand, I inconspicuously tucked the scarlet power source that hung from my neck, under my shirt. If he smashed it...

'Give them BACK!' he snarled angrily. He was trying to scare me. 'You can't just take my powers, Suze! They're mine! The ONE thing that was truly my own! Now _reverse _whatever you did!'

My lips were shaking as I pressed my back against the wall, trying to keep my distance. I think I was more worried at the fact that I wouldn't be able to defend myself – that power stripping ritual was still taking its toll on my body, and almost all my energy had been used up. I definitely needed more rest if I were to feel like my normal self, so this midnight mauling was NOT APPRECIATED.

I saw that my window was wide open – as it always was at night until Jesse closed it before the fog – and it occurred to me that Paul would have had to drive over here and physically climb into my room to get to me here. He couldn't have just materialised over here anymore – I'd taken that right away from him.

And I wasn't going to give it back, under _any _circumstances.

'_No._'

He didn't like this one bit. I'd never seen him this angry…this ragged, before. Then again, I'd never done anything this… well, violating to him before. This was payback for all the times he'd backed me into a corner, leaving me vulnerable to him, stripping away my defences; buying my time with violent threats against the one I loved.

Snatching his powers had given me a power I'd never had over him.

Although, when Father D had told me Paul would be pissed...I didn't think he'd come to my house and ambush me. I thought it'd be more of an egging-my-bookstore kind of pissed.

This was scary.

Sensing that I'd need more "persuasion" into relinquishing his powers, Paul knelt down astride my legs to keep me locked in place, the intensity of his eyes burning away my determination to protect his ghostly victims, in favour of my survival instinct. He didn't need powers to hurt me... oh no, he could do that all on his own.

He was bigger than me. I've been slouching a little in the kickboxing department, I'm ashamed to admit. He could take me down in a second.

'Never thought you had it in you,' Paul's eyes were narrowed into hateful slits. 'Did you know that it hurt? You extracted something from me, Suze. You tore something away and separated it from the rest of me. Did you know it was going to be painful?'

His hands were shaking, he was so angry.

'How?' he demanded in a fierce whisper, ignoring his previous question. 'How did you get them?'

'I'm not saying a word,' I spat.

'What did you do with them?' he grilled me. 'Are you they in you now?'

'No.'

'Are they gone completely?'

I hesitated on my, 'Yes,' causing his eyes to flash. He knew there was still a chance to get them back. The blood-red jewel dangling from my throat burned a hole against my skin with fear. He had no way to know that was where his powers had been banished to, right?

He sighed, and looked down. I sat there, my chest heaving like crazy. 'Paul, just accept that you're not a shifter anymore. I can't give them back – now just go – '

However, upon looking up, I saw that he'd retrieved a small pocket knife which he flicked open with his thumb. My eyes became huge orbs of horror.

'_What_ – ' I began heatedly, but he'd already swept my hand from my side, and had pressed the blade firmly against my skin. My heart exploded into fitful hammerings.

'One last time, Suze,' he hissed, twirling the tip sharply against my palm that I could not get away, 'I want my powers back.'

I just stared at him in horror. Oh my God. He was going to mutilate my hand.

That was my PERSONAL HAND! What was his PROBLEM?

I guess I sort of didn't think he would. I mean, he was capable, yes. But I thought that he held me too high on a pedestal to actually physically hurt me. Attack me by means of my emotions, yes. But slice open my SKIN?

That was low.

So, as I stubbornly stayed mute, he shrugged. 'Don't say I didn't warn you...'

And I felt the blade sink into my skin, and run across the palm of my hand.

'AH!' I cried out, but he pressed his own hand against my mouth. I shook with pain, fear and fatigue. He smiled wryly at me, his other hand holding my shaking wrist with his famous iron grip and therefore thwarting my attempts to get away. I saw glistening blood oozing quickly out of the cut. I jammed my eyes shut and tried to speak against his hand, but he muffled me.

'Give them back,' his voice was deadly and low.

My eyes snapped open again and I gave him the fiercest of all of my glares. If he truly believed that this behaviour would win him any kind of rewards, he was deeply mistaken. I didn't give into threats against myself very easily. Jesse, yes. But I'd saved Jesse... Paul couldn't touch him anymore...

Just as Paul had spitefully raised his pocket knife again to my bloody hand, I saw blue light cascade behind Paul. My heart leapt.

_Jesse_.

'I can do this all night,' Paul hissed furiously against my forehead. I writhed beneath him, and right on time, my ghost finally found me and my assailant crouched in the corner.

_'Querida_!' he yelled, and went to swipe at Paul in rage, but his hand just went straight through him.

...Shit.

Paul was just about to crosshatch my sliced skin, too. I whimpered. I don't usually whimper, by the way. This was strictly a no-energy-no-means-of-escape situation. I wasn't happy with it, either. But that ritual had taken _so much_ out of me; it was all I could do to speak.

Jesse looked panicked. Suddenly, my dresser came zooming at Paul, knocking him effectively away from me. He roared in pain as I scrambled away, nursing my bleeding hand.

'What the fuck - ' Paul whined against the incredible weight of my dresser.

'Jesse's here,' I said acidly. 'You're _sooooo_ _busted_.'

Jesse didn't stop, either. He was REALLY, REALLY mad. If he couldn't actually make contact with Paul's body by means of his fist, he found many other creative ways. He was able to levitate him without touching him, before slamming him against my floor. I hid in the corner, sniffling. I was ashamed at how weak I felt, not being able to fight this battle on my own, but there was nothing I could to do muster the energy to defend myself.

Didn't make it any easier on my ego to leave the defending to my boyfriend, though.

Jesse was swearing wildly in Spanish, totally trashing my room in his violent attack against Paul. _'Get out_!' he roared. _'If you EVER come near her again, I will - '_

'Jesse, he can't hear you,' I said feebly. Paul had just been thrown against my wall, leaving a considerable dent that would be fun-fun-fun to explain to my mother. His face was bleeding, as were his arms.

'Jesse, enough!' I yelled in panic. I didn't want a murder on my hands. Paul, bashed up considerably by the invisible entity, staggered to my window in fright. He was out of my room before I could say, "YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER."

The moment he was gone, Jesse came running to me. He picked me up and lay me on the bed, smoothing his hands over my face. He was breathing as hard as I was.

'What did he do?' he demanded. Fire had claimed his eyes. I'd never, _ever_ seen him so angry.

I just showed him my hand stupidly. He seized it carefully, inspecting it. When he - and I, for that matter - saw how big the gash was, he screwed up his face and bowed his head.

'I'll kill him,' he promised with enough hate to destroy my room that little bit _more_ - I heard my mirror shatter - 'I'll - '

'Jesse,' I said severely, 'Calm down. I'm fine, okay? We knew he'd do that sooner or later.'

'I was checking on you every five minutes!' he growled. 'I couldn't sense any danger. Susannah, why can't I feel when you need me anymore? I used to just…know, and I'd be there. You're somehow blocking me. Is this intentional? Because if it is, for your own safety, you need to stop this.'

I bit my lip. Was I perhaps doing something more, when I always made the decision to not call for Jesse when I was in Paul's presence? (This was obviously so Jesse wouldn't materialise to me during a shifter lesson, therefore landing him in big doo-doo.) Was I somehow…taking myself completely off the ghostly radar? When I was around Paul, could _any_ ghost sense me? Or was I just shielding myself from Jesse?

…How did I not realise I was _doing_ this?

'I don't – '

However, that's when the door of my bedroom creaked open. 'Suze? What on earth was all that – ?'

Mom, bleary eyed, suddenly stopped dead when she came to see the chaotic state of my bedroom.

'Oh my Lord…'

'I had a really, _really_ bad dream,' I lied. 'I don't know what happened – I just started sleep walking like crazy I guess, and I threw stuff... that's all I can assume. When I woke up, my room was like this and my hand got cut.' I lamely held up my hand with its corresponding bleeding elbow.

Mom was aghast. '…You destroyed your room.'

I winced, and Jesse started apologising like mad in my ear. 'It's not _destroyed_. My…mirror's just broken. And my dresser. And my chair. And my…wall.'

Okay, it's destroyed.

She was soon joined by Andy, who took one look at my room and let out an almighty four letter word, staring in dismay at my disaster.

Um, yeah. They hung around for another ten minutes until I assured them that I hadn't had an epileptic fit or anything, and that I'd just had a really bad dream that had taken me by huge surprise and had given me a massive scare…and that I was completely fine now. I underexaggerated the cut on my hand, but when they finally left, saying sympathetically that they'd look at the damage to my room tomorrow, I let out a tiny whine, '…_Ow_.'

Jesse, who hadn't left my side, lay me down and began his wonderful work on my cut, dabbing at it with his handkerchief and plastering it up with his collection of bandaids and bandages from the bottom drawer of my bathroom. Yeah, our ghostly encounters frequently had Jesse diving into that drawer of supplies.

After explaining tiredly to a very worried Jesse what had happened with Paul, he finally dematerialised for a minute to give Father Dominic an explanation for taking so long to return, before he came back and spent the whole night with me. I mean, I don't think he moved...I was curled up in the exact same position with him when I woke up as I was when I finally drifted off into a restless sleep.

'Good morning, _querida_,' he murmured in a deep, rumbly voice against my neck when I finally roused. I blinked away sleep, and smiled a little. 'Uh...yeah...'

'Are you feeling better?' he asked.

I nodded. 'Not as ache-y as last night...' My hand was smarting a little, but it wasn't excruciating or anything. 'Did you…stay - ?'

'Yes,' he replied.

I fidgeted nervously. 'Er...I know last night wasn't a very good example of my dazzling defensive techniques...but you don't always have to watch over me. I can handle myself. Just, last night I was really exhausted from that ritual we did on Paul, and I could barely – '

'Shhh…' Jesse hushed me gently, pressing a finger against my agitated lips. 'Yes, I wanted to stay with you out of some fear that he'd come back and try to take advantage of your physical state...but honestly Susannah, I truly just wanted to be with you.'

I looked up at him, my eyes wide. 'Oh,' I said. '…Sorry, I just assumed that you thought I was all damsel-y and incapable of keeping myself alive. I – ' I bit my lip. 'Thanks for staying all the same. I…did need you.'

He kissed me sweetly. I smiled against his lips.

'You're going to be a lot happier,' Jesse whispered. 'You don't have to worry about him now.'

He was right.

The sun was going to shine, now that Paul's powers had been snatched and incapacitated. I didn't have to fear what he'd do to me or Jesse any more. I was free from him.

…Right?

No, Suze. Not right.

Very, _very__wrong_...

-F&I-

'All right,' I said officially to Mr. Hughes, who was sitting patiently in the chair before me, smiling at Robbie and myself through goggle-eyed specs, 'Today, we're going to tackle the cleaning side of it. We're going to have to close up for about a week. Will that hurt business too much?'

My boss frowned, so his already wrinkly forehead creased into double folds. 'We never make that many sales anyway, Suze. I'm sure this is a sacrifice that's going to have to be made.'

I beamed. 'All right. Firstly, we need to move all of the books…'

'_A-all of them_?' he gasped, stunned. 'Suze, there's hundreds!'

'It's necessary,' Robbie said. 'Where can we move them to? The back room? Is that big enough?'

Mr. Hughes's gaze shifted, and he stared at his beloved books, touching his old nose gently with a long, colourless finger. '…We do have a very small apartment at the back of the shop, you know. Miranda always said to Betty and I, "You need to rent this little place out!" But we didn't want tenants to have to traipse through the bookstore all the time…and besides, the electricity doesn't work, and the hot water's not connected, and we never got around to fixing it up – '

Realising that this story could have gone on for centuries, I said loudly, 'That'll be perfect for book storage, Mr. Hughes. Me and Robbie will start moving them now.'

'Robbie and I,' he muttered, correcting my grammar.

Hmph.

'All right, my dears,' he smiled, 'The wife and I are going out with Miranda today. She'll want us to stay the night, I'm sure... I hate to leave you with all of this work that you plan on – '

'We'll be fine,' I assured him.

'Oh, Miranda would be so upset if she knew – '

A week had wisped by since that horrible incident with Paul, and what he'd done to little Amber. I still had major issues with it, but I'd finally accepted that Paul was off his rocker – it wasn't my fault that she was…well, whatever he'd done to her. In that time, I'd seen neither hide nor hair of Paul Slater.

And believe me when I say that I was NOT complaining.

In fact, I'd never felt lighter.

Which, unfortunately, I could not say for the stack of books that I was now carrying from the NON-FICTION section to the back apartment. My arms were screaming in protest in eight different languages. Robbie looked beat, too. We'd been transporting reading goods for the past hour, managing to keep them mostly in alphabetical order. Finally, Mr. Hughes ordered us to take a break. We'd got almost a whole half of a shelf done, which was good because there were twelve huge shelves, eight of which were stacked with books on _both _sides.

Crawling into the tea room, I whimpered, 'I need an arm transplant.'

Robbie grinned. However, despite the fact that I suspected his arms were also throbbing painfully, he whipped out his sketch book and was all, 'Can I…?'

I raised my eyebrows. 'You're not tired?'

'I am,' he admitted. 'But I forget that when I draw.'

Smiling affectionately, I nodded. 'All right…uh, how do I, uh, pose?'

'Just like that,' he said, grabbing a pencil out of his grubby little pencil case. 'You look nice just as you are.'

This guy is just too cute.

As he began drawing, and I stopped panting, I asked, 'So, you got a girlfriend, Robbie?'

He looked up from his sketch, mortified. 'Um. No.'

I glared in indignation on his behalf. Stupid girls these days. Returning to my teasing manner, I went on, 'Anyone you like at school?'

He didn't look up this time. 'No.'

…Okay, obviously this topic was not one of his favourites. Although, I was finding it hard to bring up a subject that would interest him. I mean, I wasn't a good drawer, so I couldn't like, compare and contrast crosshatching techniques or anything. Instead, I settled on, 'So…you like the show Buffy, do you?'

This piqued him. 'Yeah,' he grinned. 'And Angel, the spin-off. Although the way Angel ended was kind of bad…'

Even though I obviously wasn't as obsessed as him, I was informed enough on his favourite TV programs to keep the conversation flowing comfortably for the next half an hour. He even threw in a joke or two there, which were actually really funny. Then he moved on to the subject of Robert Louis Stevenson.

'…I really hate it there,' he confided, his hand moving erratically over his page as his eyes raked across my neck. 'They're just a bunch of snobby rich kids, mostly. Everyone there is so obsessed with sports. I can't play basketball...'

'Hello,' I said. 'Major-league Monet in the making, here. You don't need a stupid basketball.'

He shrugged. 'No one wants to hang around the skinny art geek…'

'Why not?' I demanded. 'Surely you have friends there. At RLS, I mean.'

'People _talk_ to me,' he replied dismally. 'But...I don't really have any friends. Not like you do. You must have loads…'

I rolled my eyes. 'You have no idea how disliked I was back at my school in Brooklyn. It's better at the Mission...but that was only after I threatened to break the school bitch's fingers.'

Robbie smiled sadly. 'You're cool, though.'

'You're cool too,' I said.

He blinked quickly, looking down at his drawing. 'Once, I asked this guy Mitch if he wanted to come around to my place so we could finish off our History assignment,' he said. 'He said it was cool. But when we got there, my mom was _so weird_. She was really…rude to him. She kept on asking him how much work he was doing for the assignment, and if he was just leaving it all to me because I was one of the reliable smart kids. Stuff like that. She's obsessive like that. After that, none of his friends would talk to me. I felt so stupid.'

Note to self: Kick his mom in her testicles next time I see her.

Sympathy flooded in quickly and coolly. I couldn't even offer any advice on anything, which was hardest of all. I mean, I didn't want this kid – who was obviously in pain, largely caused by his stupid mother – to be this sad. I wanted to help him.

'I'm sorry,' I said under my breath, solemn.

He bit his lip. '…It's okay. I'm used to stuff like that now. Your picture's done.'

I got up immediately, blazing with curiosity to see what he'd drawn.

'Oooh,' I trilled, clapping my hands. He'd made me look so nice in it – all calm and serene, which wasn't something I usually saw in myself. His pencil really had a way of digging out my core and splashing it on a white A4.

'You're really amazing at this, Robbie,' I murmured sincerely. 'You have no idea.'

He looked embarrassed. 'It's okay. Your nose is a little bit too – '

'It's perfect,' I stopped his criticising.

He shrugged. He did that a lot.

After a while, Adam and CeeCee swung around and began to help us with the back-assassinating task of book transportation. By four that afternoon, we only had one shelf to go. We decided to have another break.

'…Wow,' Adam said. 'I've never hated books so much in my life…'

'You always hate books,' CeeCee scoffed.

'Not as much as I do now,' Adam said in verification.

I sniggered. 'Adam, you carried like, eight books at the most each time. Usually from the children's section. The rest of us had like, twenty-something in hand.'

'I think that's irrelevant information, Suze,' Adam said quickly.

Robbie grinned.

'So,' I said, 'Are we going to start cleaning the shelves tomorrow, or today?'

'I'm hungry,' Adam whined.

'I think we're going to have to move them somewhere else so we can clean the floor,' Robbie replied matter-of-factly. 'It's in a really bad state.'

'True that,' I nodded. 'But we should clean the book shelves first…and didn't we say we wanted to paint the walls?'

'Yeah,' Robbie smiled in a secretively cheerful way.

'We'll do the floor at the very end then. Is your, um… relative still going to do electrical work?' I bit my lip, wishing I'd paid more attention to Robbie's earlier charity.

'My brother, Darren,' Robbie said. 'He said he'd do it. He owes me.'

Despite a wisp of curiosity, I persevered. 'Okay, so do we move the shelves now? Yeah, we should clean them before we move the floor, so we don't keep moving dirt and dust around – '

'_Huuuuuuungry_…'

'And we ought to dust off the books, too,' CeeCee frowned.

'I'm prepared to keep going now,' said Robbie. 'I might have to call my mom though… and would someone be able to give me a lift home?'

'Sure!'

'Hungryhungryhungryhungry – '

'Okay!' I snapped. 'Go pig out on the oldies' cookie supply!'

Adam didn't have to be told twice – he was in the Cup o' Tea Room before you could say "those biscuits are probably twenty years old."

So excluding Adam who was satiating his stomach, we moved the last of the books into the crowded back apartment – which now smelt of demonic dust bunnies – and began bathing the now bare shelves with warm soapy water. The water was stinging at the cut beneath the four bandaids on my hand – Paul's last influence on me. I got a little thrill of happiness as I cleaned. I can't explain it…it was just the fact that Robbie and I had made this big plan of helping our old employers, and we were really following it through. We were making this huge difference in Mr. and Mrs. Hughes' lives. For better of for worse, we didn't know yet…but at this stage, it was the thought that counted, okay?

Robbie looked around the walls. 'Uh…hey, Suze…did you ask Mr. Hughes if it was okay for me to do a mural, or something?'

I winced. 'Um. No. He's out now, but he won't care.'

'Oh,' Robbie said, 'That's okay.'

I felt a weird pang of guilt. It was nothing major, but I guess I'd stirred some genuine excitement in little Robbie about his big painting gig.

It's weird how I say little Robbie, isn't it… I mean, he's only like, a year younger than be. But he just seemed so much younger than he is. I don't know if it was the shyness, the gawky physical appearance, the general awkwardness or all of the above, but it was like he hadn't been given the chance to grow up properly.

No thanks to his mom, I'd wager.

At seven thirty, Adam whizzed out to Pizza Peninsula because he complained that the cookies weren't substantial enough. We dined for half an hour, and everyone yelled at Adam when he yelled, "FOOD FIGHT!" and threw bits of salami at CeeCee – _after we'd just been cleaning for over two hours_.

Seeing the seriousness of the situation, Adam sheepishly picked the bits of salami off of CeeCee's now stained white shirt, and popped them in his mouth.

Once all the shelves had been washed and there were soapy puddles all over the floor, we began carefully pushing the shelves as central as we could so there were none against any of the walls. It took a lot of guiding and heaving, and many screams of, 'No-no-no-NO-STOP PUSHING, IT'S GOING TO TIP – ' but when we were done, we could distinctly see areas of the walls that differed dramatically in colour from having the shelves against them for possibly several ice ages.

It was ten by the time we were done.

That was when Miranda stopped in.

At first, she just stood at the doorway, her eyes bulging in shock. 'Oh my God…' she breathed.

Then she glared.

'What are you doing?' she snapped.

I froze. Everyone did. CeeCee's eyes went really wide. Adam stopped chewing on pizza crusts. Robbie accidentally knocked over his bucket of soapy water.

Was…why was she _mad_?

'Um. Cleaning,' I said. 'Your dad knows about it, don't worry – '

'What are you cleaning for?' she demanded. '…Is _this_ why Dad didn't want me coming aroung!'

Apprehensive to tell Miranda our ambitious plot, I shrugged awkwardly. 'Just cleaning. It's been a while since this store has been…cleaned…'

Her dark eyes narrowed, and her frizzy black hair took on a distinct Medusa quality, as if each strand was hissing venomously at me.

'Suze,' her voice was harsh. She must have realised this, because she sighed. 'No, I shouldn't be angry at you…you're just trying to help, I know…'

Robbie looked terrified. There was a very real possibility that our plan was now in jeopardy.

Miranda rubbed her head with her fingertips, looking both furious and tired. 'Suze, whatever they're trying to pull, it's not going to work. You kids should really be getting home now; it's way too late – '

Robbie's small but indignant voice sprang from the shadows of the store. 'They're not making us do this…it was our idea.'

Our bosses' daughter looked sharply at him. 'I'm asking you all, for their sake…don't give them any false hope of clinging to this place. You all know as well as I do that a second-hand bookstore in the 2000's is doomed. This place doesn't need to a bit of soap and TLC – it needs to be knocked down. You're all only making my job harder, you know. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. Now please…just go home, all of you…'

With that, she swept a final glare at the sight in front of her, before shaking her head and leaving angrily.

Well, that sure killed the high spirits.

Robbie's face was sadder than I could have imagined. I got why – our dream of saving this crummy little place had basically just been crushed by…well, logic.

And that pissed me off.

'I liked her at first,' I seethed, 'But after that, she's – that was just downright bitchy.'

CeeCee looked apologetically at me. 'She has a point, Suze…'

'No!' Robbie exclaimed, 'I mean…yes, she did have a sort of valid argument – '

'It was extremely valid,' CeeCee pointed out.

' – But we have an action plan too!' Robbie shouted. 'It was going so well! It still can!' His gaze swung appealingly to me. 'Come on, Suze…'

My chest swelled. 'Dude, I'm in. All the way. We're going to show Miranda a thing or two. Or three.'

The little guy was just about to propose.

'Yeah,' Adam grunted. I was entirely certain that he was only loosely paying attention though.

CeeCee gave me a well-if you-_really-_think-so look, before sighing. 'I'm still going to help…'

'Thanks,' I said genuinely. 'Right…what do we all say to getting out of here for the night, then?'

Everyone agreed. After dumping our water down the sink in the Cup o' Tea Room, we all headed out. I locked up – Mr. and Mrs. Hughes said they weren't coming back tonight, after all.

The night was warm and moist. I turned back to look at STAB in its in-the-process-of-minor-renovations glory. My heart pattered hopefully. We could pull this off…

'So, am I dropping you home, Robster?' I cast a look over to the guy in question. Colour rose to his cheeks. 'If that's okay…'

'Hey, Suze, can you give me a lift home too?' CeeCee asked. 'I'd ask Adam, but a cat peed in his backseat and it's really gross.'

'I'm getting it cleaned tomorrow!' Adam said indignantly. 'And thank you for exchanging "Adam" for "cat" too, Cee. Wouldn't want to blow my cover as a chronic bed-wetter.'

'In my efforts to get you away from this nutcase,' I grinned, glaring jokily at Adam, 'I'll oblige in your request for a lift.'

Robbie was staring curiously at Adam. '…Did you _really_ pee in your backseat?'

I shot a look at CeeCee, who returned it.

'Do you know if you say "banana" ten times fast, it sounds like the word gullible?' Adam said eagerly to him.

Robbie narrowed his eyes.

Ditching our favourite freak, CeeCee and I dragged Robbie into my beautiful baby Bug. The engine roared with life and I took off into the Carmel night, playing _Scotty Doesn't Know_ at an illegal volume. I asked Robbie's address, and went a little pale when he said it was on Scenic Drive.

…I turned the music off for reassurance.

His home, thankfully, was not as far along the road as a certain other person sharing the street. As I pulled into his driveway, I gawked at the size of his house.

'_Whoa_,' CeeCee whispered.

Clearly embarrassed, Robbie mumbled something incoherent. He grabbed his sketchbook protectively, sliding it into his bag. 'Thanks for the lift,' he said quickly. 'I'll see you in two days, I guess – '

Only, he was cut off by a rapping of fierce knuckles on the windscreen.

I won't lie to you. I thought it was him, having seen my car from down the street somehow, coming over to demand his powers back by _knifepoint_ again - freak. My heart went walnut size.

However, when I saw the brooding, heavy face of _Ms_. Gallagher, I felt a different kind of fear.

Fear for her poor son.

'WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS!' she screamed as she yanked his door open. 'I came home _just_ now and you weren't there! Do you know how SCARED I was? I called your father! _That's_ how - '

Robbie swallowed, shot a horrified look at me, before snapping, 'I _told_ you, I had to go to work.'

'Work is supposed to finish at five! It's almost eleven, Robert! What in God's name have you been doing – '

'W-we stayed back,' he spluttered. 'I was going to call – I forgot…'

'You _forgot_?' Ms. Gallagher screeched, the dark hairs at the corner of her lips quivering with rage. 'I'm so furious with you, I could - ' She then made an alien noise which sounded somewhere between a shriek and a grunt. CeeCee and I jumped. 'You can't be inconsiderate like that, Robert! I was _so worried_ – That's it…you're grounded.'

'But I have work!' he protested, aghast. 'And it's…'

Sensing what her son hadn't had the courage to say, his mother went nutso at him again, 'I don't _care_ if it's your birthday tomorrow, young man! You have to learn to be more _responsible_! You still have one more day till you're fifteen, no matter what you – and even _then_, you're not getting ANY privileges till you're forty! You're – '

She turned, and as if for the first time, noticed that there were two teenage girls sitting in the car. Robbie was mortified beyond the telling of it. He was praying for a quick and painless death by means of the ground swallowing him up.

'_Get inside, right now_,' she hissed at Robbie, before rounding on us.

'Suze, just go,' Robbie muttered, his face a sick mixture of humiliation and queasiness. 'Mom, it's my fault. Don't –'

'I KNOW IT'S YOUR FAULT. GET INSIDE!'

Miserable, he slumped indoors of the grand estate.

Ms. Gallagher's eyes were poison. In a voice of sizzling acid, she uttered, 'If I find out that you two were making _my_ son run amok, getting up to all sorts of horrid little tricks, you are going to be _extremely sorry_.'

Worried that I'd get Robbie into more trouble if I played Miss Catty back to her Captain Bitch, I said carefully, 'Robbie really did just forget to call. We were so busy at STAB – '

'_Stab_?' her eyes flared.

' – The bookstore,' CeeCee said quickly. 'We're really sorry that he's – '

'_Leave_.'

'Ms. Gallagher,' I said, pained, 'It's really not a big deal – '

'Get _off of my property_!' she slammed the door so hard that my Bug shuddered in violent protest. Then, she marched back to her doorway, giving Robbie – who was hanging around, white-faced – an angry shove into the house.

Anger ignited within me.

As I reversed, I exploded.

'What a freaking _psycho_!' I slammed my foot down, accelerating fiercely down the snobby street in anger. 'She's is the biggest, _ugliest_ control freak that ever – '

'Poor Robbie,' CeeCee had immediately gone into mourning mode for the victim of the situation. 'He has to _live_ with her.'

'Not if I kick her ass. I'm _so_ kicking her ass.'

'It's illegal.'

'Fine. I'll go to the police, explain the circumstances, get a warrant – or a 007 license thingie – and _then_ I'll kick her ass, protected completely by the law.' My fingers were crushing the steering wheel. White-hot blood was gushing fitfully through my capillaries, swelling my body with steamy anger on behalf of my friend. 'She's just such a _bitch_. Did you see how she wouldn't even let him _explain_? What the hell! Which planet does SHE originate from?'

'It's his birthday tomorrow,' CeeCee said sadly. 'Poor kid. He's going to spend the day at home, grounded.'

I tried to slow down, but I only managed to get to sixty still. I was _so_ angry –

'…No he's not,' I said passionately. 'CeeCee? You, me and Adam are hijacking him tomorrow. We're going to celebrate his birthday like any other normal kid deserves to. He's _not_ going to be stuck in that snotty house all day when he turns sixteen!'

'Fifteen,' CeeCee reminded me.

'He said he was fifteen already,' I frowned.

'Yeah…I always say I'm the next age up the week before my birthday. He probably rounded,' she shrugged.

Cooling down a little, I sighed. 'Yeah. That's what I'm going to do. I don't care.'

'Don't get him into trouble,' CeeCee said worriedly.

'I won't,' I assured her. 'I do have some experience in this sneaking-out-of-the-house thing, you know.'

She laughed nervously. '…Okay, I'll trust you.'

Decided on this, I dropped CeeCee off before retiring to my own home. Andy was kind of pissed that I'd forgotten to call him too, but he didn't go on, nor did he take away my birthdays. Instead, he sighed and asked me earnestly to just _call_ next time to say I wouldn't be there. Unlike Robbie's _fuehrer_ of a mother, he'd had the brains enough to _figure_ I'd be working late.

Still agro, I blundered up to my bedroom, where Jesse was waiting on the window seat, a book on his lap.

I cast him a small smile as I sighed. 'Hey.'

Detecting a stirring in the force, he abandoned the book quickly. 'Susannah, what's wrong?'

I began ranting furiously about Robbie's mom. Jesse listened with patience as I called her every creatively cuss-y name under the Californian sun. His lips kept twitching mysteriously, though. After I was done with _her_, I moved onto Miranda. Finally, I exhaled noisily. 'Sorry.'

'Don't apologise,' he smiled. 'It's amusing to watch…'

I scowled at him.

'You don't like this woman,' he went on dryly.

'_Nuh_,' I said sarcastically, sinking on to the edge of the bed. Sliding my hands between my knees and hiking my shoulders sadly, I sighed. 'Poor Robbie…'

Jesse's handsome face tilted, concerned. 'You're worried about him.'

I shrugged. 'I don't know. I thought it was a bit weird for a kid to be that timid, but after meeting _her_ and seeing how she treats him, I – '

'I'm sure he will be fine,' Jesse said comfortingly, coming to sit next to me. His hand came to my arm.

I nodded. 'Yeah. I'm just…pissed off. And stressed. And neurotic.'

'Can I do anything to help?' Jesse asked, his voice dipping low. Just as I was about to respond, he suddenly crawled behind me on the bed and slid his hands over my shoulders, pressing his thumbs firmly against the wannabe-contortionist muscles of my neck. A moan of release slivered out of me before I could stop it. His fingers began pressing in strong but gentle circular motions all over my shoulders and my neck, and…oh my God…

'Uhhhhh…'

Jesse asked softly, 'Am I going too hard?'

_You tell me…_

'No, it's…perfect.'

We both abandoned words. His hands massaged thoroughly, before his thumbs started pressing gradually all down the sides of my spine, and then back up. I moaned again – _completely_ involuntarily. He was breathing harder than before…

That's when his fingers, feather-light and chaotically gentle, grazed up both of my sides. I shivered visibly. 'Oh, God – '

Still tracing his fingers over my back, eliciting a thrill of sensations, he brushed my hair off of my neck.

…Then he began kissing there with equal softness.

I was goo.

No one had ever been gooier than the goo that was me then.

His lips were so soft against my receptive skin. I laid my head against the other shoulder, exposing as much of my neck as I could to him. My own hands slid backward until they met either side of his thighs – he was kneeling behind me, I discovered then. Jesse, throwing all softness to the wind, suddenly slid a hand to my chin to turn my face sideways so he could meet my lips with his. Eagerly, I turned around and climbed to my own knees, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing myself against him greedily as he kissed me with the same desire that was suddenly tantalizing me.

Moaning for a completely different reason now, I sank backward, pulling Jesse down over me. He continued seducing my neck, making me breathe out erratically and gustily.

'You have the most enticingly soft skin…' he murmured against my neck, thrilling me that bit more. I giggled. What had I been so worried about before…?

I forget now.

Rolling me onto my side, Jesse kissed my lips softly. One of his hands secured my hip, while the other was running down my back, over my butt, down my leg, back up to my knee, sliding carefully between my thighs…

An amazing tingle shot from my heart directly to the pit of my stomach. My breath caught. His fingers were warm, teasing every nerve ending in my existence. I felt my body getting hotter; my head lighter. Addicted to his kiss, I kept pressing my lips to his whenever I thought there was any danger that he was too far away… My focus remained on the _fantastic_ whereabouts of his hand, though. I squeezed my legs together keenly. His fingers continued to twist and graze, and it totally booted God outta heaven, only to be replaced by the Hand of Jesse.

'_Querida_…'

With the heart of a metronome on turbo speed, I moved my hands all over his body to everywhere I could reach. Arousal was rising to a devastating point where I moved one of my hands onto his arm, pressing his hand more firmly against the skin of my thighs.

He _had_ to know the affect he was having on me…right?

I could barely breathe.

Then again, neither could he. And he was the _dead_ guy.

He pulled his head back from my lips. At first I went to protest, but then I saw how carefully he was staring into my eyes. His intensity only swelled the arousal I felt. My lips parted from my heavy breathing. His fingers kept stroking… my eyelids fluttered… I made noises that were direct reactions from the pleasure…

'I love you.'

His eyes were riveted on mine.

I breathily replied, meaning it in every sense of the words.

Knowing better than to get me too worked up when he wasn't going to follow through with the home run, Jesse withdrew his hand slowly. I sighed, jamming my eyes shut as I relished the lingering sensations of his fingers. When they had dwindled to the point of sanity once more, I opened my eyes and stared at him. I really did adore him. Everything about him. He was mine, and he was here.

Moving as close into him as I could, I wrapped my arms around him and felt his warm breath flutter my hair. My heart returned to the human average, yet it still soared with a joy that infected my entire body; an aftermath of his attentions.

Curling around him, I allowed my consciousness to be lured into the sea of serenity that he offered. I was his, and I was with him…

Everything would be okay.

The crimson stone that hung from my neck, Paul's power source, twinged coldly against my skin…


	6. Turning Point

**Longer chapter this time around, duckies. **

**Enjoy...and, um, hate us accordingly.  
**

**Lolly and Steph. **

* * *

'So, we'll sneak him silverware from the mess hall and he can slowly dig his way out. He just has to take the dirt and little by little empty it in the back,' CeeCee conspired. 

'I guess I'll be going blind forging thousands of Nazi documents,' Adam quipped.

'Yeah, yeah,' I said impatient with the joke. 'And I'll be sure to reach our contacts at the Swiss border.'

'Suze, we don't have contacts at the Swiss border,' CeeCee said as if it were obvious.

I feigned indignation. 'ALL escape plans have contacts at the Swiss border.'

We stood outside the gate of Robbie's mansion. It was about one in the afternoon and we were on a mission to bust the guy out. It was his birthday after all and I'll be damned if he doesn't get his requisite bowling, pizza, and root bear float. DAMMIT!

Adam was using his little brother's toy binoculars to see if he could spot Robbie in one of the windows. 'You see him?' I asked.

'No...these things only have a range of, like, five feet. But that's a KILLER birch tree right there I'll tell you. Robbie's folks sure do have a great landscaper.'

I punched him in the arm.

Come on guys, concentrate here. We need an escape plan.' Adam opened his mouth but before he could say a word I shushed him. 'Adam if you are about to suggest he use a rock polishing tool to slowly chip away over thirty years of brickwork and hide the hole underneath a Raquel Welch pinup and crawl through five miles of sewer a la Shawshank Redemption, I will _kill_ you.'

He closed his mouth quickly.

I groaned. 'Okay, think Suze...you've done this a thousand times,' I muttered to myself. 'I mean, we can't even call him to sneak out because we don't know his number...' I looked over at Adam with a sigh.

A stray dog ran past, barking madly…

That's when my eyes started twinkling.

'Okay,' I whispered. 'Unoriginal, but here's what we do…'

**-F&I-**

'I can't believe you guys all did that!' Robbie in complete awe as we were happily ten pin bowling twenty minutes later. 'If my mom finds out that it was you, she's going to – '

'She won't,' I assured him, grabbing my hot pink bowling ball and sliding my index and middle fingers and my thumb into the holes. 'And if she does realise that the pillows beneath your sheets aren't in fact you, then so what? There was NO way we were leaving you in that God forsaken house on your fifteenth birthday, my buddy. Now, _I'm_ going to score a strike.'

I bowled. The very corner pin spun slightly, before falling down.

'Lame…' CeeCee recorded with a smirk.

'So's your mom,' I scowled.

'She was so pissed when that "my" dog shat in her car,' Adam grinned broadly. 'Simon, you OWE me for agreeing to scoop that doggie doo-doo out of her backseat.'

'At least it distracted her,' I reasoned, as CeeCee went for her turn. Robbie took a sip of his root beer and burped.

'Yeah,' Adam snickered. 'It _was_ fun getting yelled at like that. I thought she was going to amputate my Mr. Man –'

'O-_kay_,' I yelled, shoving him. 'Let's not talk about your genitals today, Adam, despite how much the herpes is affecting you – ' Robbie cackled – 'now come on, it's your turn.'

CeeCee returned from her score of five. Adam went and managed an impressive spare, the second shot of which he got two pins that were at opposite ends of the lane's width. 'WHOO BOY!' he roared, shimmying his butt in victory, 'Baby got BACK!'

'He pays us to hang out with him,' I promised Robbie. He grinned at me happily.

'Suze,' he said softly. '…Thank you so much for this…no one's ever really – ' He shrugged uncomfortably. 'Just _thanks_…'

'No problem, Rob. Seriously, I'm crazy about you. You totally deserve a decent festivity.'

This made him, if possible, even more cheery. 'You're so amazing…'

Worriedly, I grinned and quickly went up for my turn. Robbie coughed loudly and turned away from me, embarrassed.

**-F&I-**

After our little race to the Coffee Clutch - a race which Adam, laughing manically, won - we all went in to grab a drink. With Adam's triumphant cries of being the King Pin, we all sank into a table laughing. Robbie was glowing brighter than I could remember.

'I can't believe you threw the ball into the next lane!' Adam gasped with laughter, pointing at CeeCee. She flushed, and rolled her eyes. 'Oh shut up, McTavish. You were in a bowling league for four years. Excuse us lowly scum if we haven't yet reached your level of expertise.' Then, in spite of herself, she sniggered. 'I hope that man didn't mind that I ruined his chance for a perfect 300...'

I smiled sunnily. 'Robster was pretty good too, weren't ya?'

Robbie looked delighted. 'Yeah, I was okay.'

'Okay,' CeeCee grinned. 'What drinks do you all want, gang? I'm getting a cappuccino, Adam'll have a extra large vanilla sundae...Suze?'

'Hot chocolate,' I said, playing with my hair lazily.

'Me too,' Robbie said quickly.

CeeCee and Adam exchanged looks.

CeeCee went up to order our stuff, while Adam got into a conversation with Robbie about the show Charmed. I had a hinting suspicion that Adam was paying him out a little, but it wasn't to the point where I wanted to castrate him.

I fiddled happily with the napkins on the table, before the door jingled at the entrance of someone. It took a few seconds for any form of curiosity to build up for me to look, but when I did I blanched.

Oh my God.

Paul...

My body went instantly numb. Oh God...I hadn't seen him since I...since he totally mutilated my hand that night - what if he...was he over what I did to him yet? What would he do when he saw me and -

WHO was THAT?

For, holding his forearm adoringly was a girl who couldn't have been more than a freshman. She had a halo of curly ringlets, and eyes like a cat. With a smug grin at everyone else in the Clutch, she tossed her hair and giggled at something Paul had just said.

That's when he saw me too.

I just blinked.

He stopped completely, causing his jail bait lady friend to stumble briefly. Looking confused, she stood upright and straightened her mini skirt worriedly. Then, she caught sight of the subject of Paul's gaze.

'Who is that?' she hissed at him.

Paul took a while to reply.

'No one,' he said before dragging her off to the furthest table from mine.

The paleness of my skin was suddenly overcompensated with the hot blood burning beneath my skin. Oh God... that look he'd given me was worse than withering. It was -

It was hateful. And not in a passive way.

I swallowed down a lump in my throat before turning to face Robbie. It took me a moment to realise that he was staring at me in concern. 'Suze?' he said softly, touching my arm with small fingers. 'Is that the guy that...the one that came into STAB that day? The...um, mean one?'

I nodded dumbly. My neck was stinging from his gaze. I could feel it.

Suddenly, I grabbed Robbie's hand and I glared - not at him, just...I was pissed. 'You see that girl he's with? The skanky, anorexic blond one?'

'...Yeah,' Robbie said unsurely, looking guilty for agreeing with the less than flattering description. He started coughing again, something he'd been doing a lot that day.

'What's he doing with her? Are they just talking?'

Adam, who was staring at me weirdly, butted in. 'He's got his arm around her shoulder. Man, those skirts get shorter every year,' he said with man-slutty approval.

'God, this is so typical,' I scowled. 'What's he doing now?'

'He's - ' Adam went to say, but instead he looked determinedly down at his hands. 'Shit, Slater just saw me looking over.' His eyes snuck back up. 'Oh, now he's kissing her.'

The girl started giggling behind me. For some reason, a white hot pang of anger flitted through me. Don't think for a second that it was jealousy. It wasn't. It was just...that he'd lost his ability to hurt ghosts. I feared above all things that he was going to move onto the next vulnerable 'scum' that he could get at.

CeeCee came back with a tray of lovely beverages, but the moment she did I got up and stalked over to Paul.

'Can I have a word?' I demanded, giving him snake eyes.

Paul looked up idly from kissing the excited freshman's neck. Her smile melted away when she saw me standing there. 'I thought you said that that was no one,' she said accusingly.

'Suze,' Paul said, ignoring her. His magnificent smile did not even tough his cold eyes 'This is Gemma. Gemma, Suze.'

'A word,' I repeated solidly, hands on my hips.

With a laboured sigh, Paul rolled his eyes. 'Back in a second, sweetheart,' he whispered against Gemma's cheek. 'I have to take care of this…'

I went behind Paul and shoved him forward, towards the door. He twisted around, and seized my wrist so quickly that I gasped. 'Don't touch me, Suze.' He threw my hand back at me.

Once we were outside, I dragged him to a corner.

'Okay,' I said. 'What the _hell_ are you doing?'

Feigning innocence, he tilted his head. 'What do you mean?'

'She's half your age,' I jerked my thumb towards the Coffee Clutch. 'What is she, Thursday?'

Paul just stared at me, wordless.

'Paul!' I said, exasperated. 'Look, I know what I did was…harsh. Not like you didn't deserve it, but still. Just…don't do this. I know that you can get a girl with the click of your fingers, and with the exact same speed you could break her heart in two. Is that your plan? To cause as much pain as possible? That's what's going on here, right? You're getting even, because I ditched you and you can't _stand_ it.'

He rolled his eyes. 'It's really none of your business, Suze.'

'It really is,' I gave him a hard look. 'You needed to stop. You were getting too far into it. You were…hurting people. Don't just switch from one victim to the next, okay? Just leave her alone. Leave everyone alone for a while, and sort yourself out. You have a problem.'

The corner of his mouth twitched. And he wasn't smiling. 'Yeah. I do have a problem. With you.'

'Listen,' I growled, but he cut me off and shoved me hard against the wall behind me. I winched. 'No, _you_ listen. You had _no right_, Suze. Now don't you _dare_ criticise me after you tore apart of me away!' He shook me up, hate eddying within his eyes like a hot blaze. 'This is blood on your hands. Now just…stay away from me. I'm done with you.'

His fingers, gripping my shoulders forcefully, squeezed once more for the final threat before he sneered at me and sauntered back inside to Gemma.

I shuddered out a breath. Oh wow…he was nuts.

What had I _done_ to him?

**-F&I-**

After the Coffee Cutch, we finally retired back to STAB which, thanks to Cee, Adam and I going in earlier, was decked out in scabby balloons and streamers. 'Okay!' I cried, 'And now for the final event of the evening…CAKE AND PRESSIES!'

CeeCee and Adam clapped wildly in applause as a brought out a sponge cake with fifteen candles flickering with life. Placing it on the bookstore's desk whilst trying to avoid the plastic on the floor, I smiled at Robbie who looked so, so happy. Almost to the point of tears. It surprised me, but then I realised that he mustn't have gotten much this all that much at home.

'Wow…' he breathed. 'I – I don't even know what to say.'

'Make a wish!' CeeCee clapped. 'Just don't tell us, or it won't come true.'

'CeeCee, he's experiencing puberty, not diapers,' Adam cackled. 'But seriously, Rob – totally be wishing for certain appendages of mine to grow. I need all the help I can get.'

He grinned, but then a funny look crossed his face. He turned to the candles, focusing on the flames.

We started singing Happy Birthday – Adam was singing in raucous Spanish until CeeCee hit him on the head with her shoe.

'_Happy BIRTHDAY dear Robbie...happy birthday tooooooooo yooooooou…'_

'Hip hip, hooray!' I clapped. With a huge smile, Robbie blew out all of his candles.

'Okay, I'll cut the cake then, shall I…?' Adam said slyly, until CeeCee swiped the knife away from him. 'No, I don't fancy the three of us having to share the two inch piece that you leave for us…'

Adam looked offended. 'What? You thought I'd – you _honestly _think I'd…why, I NEVER…' But with a look of defeat, he whimpered, 'Oh God, how did you KNOW?'

Present time came and went. CeeCee and Adam had both thrown their cash together and had bought him a set of thirty pastels. Robbie was over the moon. I proudly handed him my present, and I swooned when he literally started _giggling_ at the sight of it.

As I was eating my cake, I looked up and saw Robbie smiling at me in such a way that made me nervous. Intent on breaking the spell, I slapped him on the back and cried, 'So, _Rob_! You're fifteen! How's it feel?'

'Same as fourteen,' he answered. There was a bit of icing on his nose. I grabbed a napkin and wiped it off. He blushed. I half-regretted my action. CeeCee was giving me a you've-got-him-so-whipped look. 'Well,' Robbie went on, 'There are some differences…I never had friends at my fourteenth birthday party…'

Adam looked awkward. 'Really?'

Not looking to elaborate on his lonerism, Robbie laughed it off. 'This is great though. Thanks so much, all of you…'

'No problem.'

That's when he started coughing again.

Now, usually coughs don't rate high on my concern-o-meter. However, Robbie's cough's were _rattly_. Like, phlegmy to the max. He doubled over, barking like mad until I started hammering him on the back.

'Robbie,' I checked, 'Are you – '

'Mmm!' he slurred, keeping his mouth closed as he pitched himself off of his seat and into the Cup o' Tea room. I could hear him hacking and gagging up what sounded like the entire Carmel dumpster. Adam, being the immature brat that he is, pushed his cake away from him. 'I'm no longer hungry,' he wrinkled his nose a little.

Even CeeCee looked put off.

When Robbie returned, he was white faced and pale. 'Sorry,' he muttered. 'That was really gross…'

'Are you okay?' I asked him worriedly. 'That's some cough you got there.'

'Um,' he mumbled, wiping his moist forehead. 'I've got a chest infection. It's okay, I get them all the time. I'm fine.'

I heard him wheezing slightly.

'I think it's time we take you home,' I twitched my lips in concern. 'The night air can't be doing you any good, and you're way overdue to be home, little buddy.'

He nodded in agreement.

Besides, his mother would surely notice if he was stuck in his bed ALL day, so it was already cutting it close at eight o'clock. I shoed CeeCee, Robbie and Adam out of STAB.

However, the moment the door closed behind Adam, I regretted telling them I'd stay back to clean up. I looked around STAB with a small sense of dismay. I mean, we hadn't done much, just a few streamers and some balloons splashed psychedelically here and there, but it was still kind of messy on top of the whole going-through-minor-renovations thing. As I began popping and stripping tape off of the walls from where I'd fastened the streamers, I smiled. I'd never seen Robbie that happy before... and I was so glad he'd liked his present. Go the box set of Season One of Angel.

Within the half hour, I was done packing away, and picking bits of chips off of the ground. I dumped the rubbish bag next to the bin in the Cup o' Tea room and wandered back out into the store. As promised, I'd stolen four different cans of paint from Andy, so the Hughes' could choose their wall colour, for Robbie to _then_ draw a mural over on one of them. I was going for the pastel green myself, but the mauve was looking to be an okay second. Since last night, Miranda had not come back into the store to see that we were continuing our plans to transform STAB from meek to mighty, and for that I was quite glad.

I wandered into the vacant apartment behind the Cup o' Tea room, gazing thoughtfully at the stacks and stacks of books there. Well, Mr. Hughes couldn't possibly try to sell all of them again, right? I mean... a lot of them were kind of old, and uninteresting...

I raised my eyebrows a little, before plonking my butt down next to some of the Horror books. Right. I was going to go through each one, read the blurb and skim like, five random sections of it to see if it inspired any modicum of interest within me. If so, we'd market it. If not, we'd put them in a different section.

I picked up the first one.

'Okay, Henry James...' I mumbled, thumbing the pages, 'How appealing are you, then?'

After reading the blurb of _The Turn of the Screw_, and okaying it, I decided to start reading some...

**-F&I-**

...Ooh…

**-F&I-**

...My brief scanning took me into chapter 7 before I realised what had happened. I looked up in shock. Wow. Had I just...I'd completely got sucked into that. My arms felt all chilly, too. Impressed as well as annoyed, I carefully folded the edge of the page a tiny bit to come back to it later. Golly... I'd forgotten what a powerful distraction a book could be.

Still with this sense of awe, I climbed to my feet to go check the time, to learn it was almost one in the morning. Also, now I was finally aware again, I heard the sound of heavy rain outside. This surprised me. Why had I not heard this? It was just as loud in the store as it was in the apartment.

That was when the lights flickered, and fizzled out.

'Shit,' I snapped, trapped in the darkness.

I fumbled my way out to the back to grab my bag when suddenly, a fierce flash of light illuminated the ghostly bookstore and a loud CRACK! of thunder shattered the night. Taken completely by surprise, I shrieked and knocked over a large pile of books. It landed with a huge, destructive thud making me shriek again.

With eyes as big as Pammy Anderson's boobs, I stood stock still, waiting for another explosion of lightning to bring some evanescent light to the bookstore so I could see my way. I squinted, waiting for my eyes to readjust...

After about ten seconds, another slash of lightning sliced through the night with jagged fury -

Only to _highlight the face of a man standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME._

I let out a keening scream!

That was when the evil thing of the lightning started laughing his butt off at me.

...Jesse.

The moment the lightning was gone - and it really was a moment - I snapped, '...WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?'

Jesse, now illuminated by his own soft astral glow, was sniggering. 'It's been a long time since I've scared someone like that...'

My heart was going faster than I could remember it going in a LONG time. 'Th-that w...THAT WASN'T FUNNY.'

He grinned wickedly at me. 'It was if you are me.'

I gave him a filthy look. On top of reading _The Turn of the Screw_ which had already pinned me rather highly on the Chill-O-Meter, the sudden appearance of a faceless man from the darkness in a horrible thunder storm was - it was REALLY CREEPY.

'What are you doing here?' I asked, a little harsher than necessary. No. Wait. It was SO necessary, after that little display of Stretch, Stinkie and Fatso styled-haunting. And I thought that Jesse was my friendly ghost.

'I came to see why you had not come home,' Jesse smiled, running a hand down my arm. As peed off as I was, I wasn't exactly shrugging him off. 'The storm was worrying me. And I sensed your fear. That worried me too...' he trailed off, suddenly grim. I knew exactly to where his thoughts had just gone. Or, to whom.

'I thought you said before that you weren't able to sense me anymore,' I replied, still cranky.

'Only at certain times,' he said, frowning. He trailed his hand up to my neck - but his fingers stopped over my jugular. 'Dios, Susannah!' he exclaimed. 'Your pulse, it's - _very_ fast.'

Embarrassed now, I moved away. 'You caught me off guard,' I said defensively.

The corners of Jesse's lips were still quirked up in amusement, although he was trying to hide it. 'And to think, I never knew how afraid you were of thunder storms...'

'I'm not scared,' I said, acidic. 'I already said - you just...POPPED outta no where, didn't you?' My heart wasn't thumping quite as violently, but it was still mortifyingly fast. It was almost like he could hear it, which was why he was still smirking. I was SO not telling him about how creeped out that stupid _The Turn_ book had made me. I'd never hear the end.

'Oh, yes. Of course.'

'Shut up,' I scowled. 'Anyway, I'm coming home now...'

Jesse turned away and gazed out the window critically. 'Susannah, it's pouring like God's judgement out there. I don't want you driving.'

A little too keen to prove that I was up to anything after my thunder freak-out, I snatched my keys out of my pocket. 'I'm not scared,' I sneered, before marching to the front door of the bookstore -

- when a vicious fork of lightning divided the sky with sizzling light, striking RIGHT on the light pole opposite the bookstore. I staggered back with yet another scream.

Jesse caught me.

'Oh my God,' I wheezed. 'Did you - did you just SEE that? I've never seen it so close before - '

'Carmel is very close to the ocean,' Jesse reasoned. 'I have seen much lightning with these eyes, especially during thunderstorms at my ranch...'

'It struck the light pole.'

'Yes, it did. Are you going to drive home now?'

'No...' I mumbled. God, this was so embarrassing.

I frowned though. 'Mom. Damn... I don't want her to worry.' I walked to the phone and picked it up and dialled home. Thank God the phone lines weren't dead too. After a few rings she picked up.

'Hey, Mom – '

'_Honey_? Are you all right? This storm's really bad out. Where are you?' she asked, anxious.

I could've told her the truth: that I was stuck in a scary bookshop with no power, no food, no protection – I doubted the Hughes' keep condoms here and everything, hah…oh, snap – but honestly, I didn't want to panic her so I made something up. 'Yeah, mom, I'm fine. I'm over at CeeCee's. Look, I was gonna stay the night since I don't think it's safe to drive in this.'

She quickly agreed, saying she didn't want me out in weather like this. After a few more pleasantries and assurances that CeeCee and her family didn't mind me over, I hung up. Speedily, I dialled Cee, filled her in on the sitch and told her I'd be over when the storm stopped, but if my mom called looking for me to pretend I was in the bathroom.

The ruse is a classic, yes, but sometimes things are classics for a reason.

Unfortunately I think I was the first teenager in history to do it for non-nefarious purposes.

How depressing.

I placed the phone back on the cradle slowly and turned around. I could see Jesse by the light of his astral glow now. He was leaning against the wall with the book I was reading before, in his big, gentle hands. His eyebrows furrowed and his hair fell down softly over his eyes...

I sighed discreetly.

There's something about him. God, he could even make _reading_ sexy. And the annoyance that I had over him over the whole scaring the bejesus outta me? Totally – well, almost – gone.

So that didn't explain why my heart was _still_ hammering triple time.

I let him alone and watched him for a few moments until he finally tore his gaze away from the book to me. 'It's quite good so far. I can see why you were engrossed.' He put the book down on the pile with the others. He came up to me and placed his arms on my shoulders. 'Is there some place you can be comfortable? I don't want you to be lying on the floor tonight.'

I nodded. 'There's a little apartment, in the back.'

'Show me.'

I led him back to the little room we had been using as book storage. Stacks upon stacks covered the floor almost to the point of the bed and rest of furnishings being missing. I climbed over the piles, only knocking a small one over, before finally managing to reach the bed beyond the moat of literature.

I turned around to look over to Jesse, but he was gone.

Okay, then. He must have thought it was suitable enough, and then decided to leave without a word. Can I say, rude? I mean -

'Boo.'

'GAH!' I twisted sharply, almost falling off the side of the creaky bed. Jesse sniggered again. 'You are enjoying this too much!' I said fiercely.

'I never knew how easy you were to scare,' he said musically. 'This really is a turning point for me, _querida_.'

Rolling my eyes, I settled properly on the bed. 'So...are you going to stay then?'

Jesse's face, lit faintly by the sapphire glow of his aura, sighed. 'I've been..."staying" far too often lately, Susannah. Father Dominic would be disappointed in me.'

'But - ' I said, panicked. 'You've been staying at _my_ house. This is a big, scary, dark, stormy bookshop and I'm all alone, and it's cold and rainy and when you're gone, I'll have to get off my butt and find a flashlight.'

He smiled. 'All right. You have a strong argument. I'll stay.'

'Excellent.'

He wrapped his arm around me, and I settled against his shoulder.

'I saw Paul today,' I told him quietly.

Immediately, Jesse tensed. '...What?'

'Calm down,' I said quickly, lying. 'It was nothing. We barely spoke.'

Jesse's mouth was a thin line of disdain. '...How is he?' he managed, trying to sound concerned for the man in question.

I blinked. 'He's kind of losing it, I think. I think he's building up a nice, healthy hate for me though. Which is good, meaning he'll probably avoid me in the future.'

'It could work against your favour also, _querida_,' Jesse said grimly.

'Huh?'

'Revenge,' he elaborated.

I wrinkled my nose. 'He tried that. It got him no where.'

'I might not be around next time.'

'I was really out of it when he attacked me last time. I'll handle myself if he does it again.'

'He's stronger than you,' Jesse said. 'Susannah, you and I both know that despite the fact we've stricken him powerless, he could still overpower you in the physical sense.'

I hmphed, quite tiffed. 'You totally underestimate me.'

'No I don't,' Jesse said firmly. _'You_ underestimate _him_. As I have done in the past...' His hand traced over the bandaids across my hand. I pulled it away and sighed.

I hated the fact that Jesse really thought that I couldn't protect myself. I mean, scary storms aside, I wasn't scared of much. I could handle pain. And hadn't I, for months, been protecting him from Paul? I mean, I'd been subjecting myself to heaps and heaps of crap from Paul, all to keep him safe. Last lesson excluded, I'd played the eager student to Paul's horny teacher very well.

...Okay, that sounded bad. But you know what I mean. I'd totally held my own against hundreds of violent ghosts, coming out victorious with only a few broken bones, bruises or cuts. I was still standing here, perfectly fine. The only problem with Paul was that he was alive. That was what kept me from really letting loose.

I told this to Jesse.

'No, Susannah,' he said darkly. 'You just know that if you "let loose" with Slater, he is extremely capable of "letting loose" right back. He's...different from ghosts you've met before. He's...focused.'

'Focused?' I raised my eyebrows.

'On _you_,' he said quietly. 'In every sense.'

I shivered.

...Jesse was right. And coupled with that, he was focused on Jesse, too. Because he had me.

Paul _hated_ him for that.

I curled into him a bit more. The thunder crashed with violence, like nature's Surround-Sound. 'Well, we don't have to worry. He won't figure out how to get his powers back,' I said, still nervous.

'You told me he has many books on shifting,' Jesse grumbled. 'How can you be sure the...ritual we performed isn't detailed in one of them?'

'It's not,' I tried to sound certain. I couldn't fool me for a second. I'd been wondering the same thing. 'But anyway, even if he smashes the necklace, I still have to say some funky words for the powers to return to him. And he's so not making me say them.'

'Not even for me?'

I looked curiously at him. 'Why would you want me to give Paul his powers back?'

'No,' Jesse shook his head, deadly serious. 'I meant, if I was under some sort of threat. He knows your weaknesses, Susannah. Be sure that he will play on them.'

I looked away, uncomfortable. 'I don't want to talk about this now...' I muttered.

Jesse paused, prepped to say something, but decided against it. 'All right, no more.'

The topic had successfully deflated any happy remnants from Robbie's birthday party. Paul seemed to have this effect on everything, you see. You know...bringing me down...

Jesse's hand came to the side of my neck, where he fiddled with the chain around my neck from which the power source hung. 'May I?' he asked.

'Meh.'

He unclipped it, and pulled it away, dangling it before my eyes hypnotically. I stared at it through half-closed lids. 'It's so red... Like blood.'

Jesse lowered the stone a little, so it swayed over my chest, grazing the skin there gently. A smile appeared from the sensation, despite the means. Inspired, Jesse began softly tracing it over against my neck, the side of my face...between my breasts, across my stomach...

I shivered again.

Yet another round of thunder pierced the night. I wrinkled my nose a little. 'This is a bit...creepy,' I commented.

Jesse smiled. 'Yes...I don't know why you insist upon carrying this with you. It's far safer elsewhere. With Father Dominic perhaps?'

'No,' I said, pressing my lips closed again. I didn't want it to be anywhere away from me. If Paul ever got his powers back, I wanted to be there. I wanted to know straight away. If he went after Father Dom for it...hurt him for it, I'd die.

'Suit yourself,' Jesse shrugged, clipping it back around my neck.

I opened my eyes, appealing to him. '...Don't stop touching me,' I whispered. The room was lit fleetingly by the night's raging storm. My heart stuttered.

Jesse gazed at me intensely. _'Querida_,' he breathed. His hand came to my stomach. He splayed his fingers across it, making illogical patterns. I sighed huskily.

I leaned in, needing to be closer to him. His head dipped down, and I felt his breath – irregular – against my cheek. My eyes jammed shut, and I sucked in a shuddering breath through tight lips.

'Don't stop…' I repeated.

His fingers moved to my arm, and he ran them up, sending a sharp, cool shiver up my spine. He traced the line of my collar bone. My skin hummed, buzzing with numb sensations of pleasure. Continuing the line, he drew his fingers over to where my blue button down dipped into a V.

His other hand, still warm against my stomach, felt like a security blanket wrapping around me. His warmth kept away the demons of the cold. It locked the doors behind which evil lurked. It melted the ice that threatened to tear us apart…

I wanted the fire; the electricity. The heat…

Outside, the rain continued to pour with relentless drive. I could hear drops hitting the roof, rhythmic and timed. He lifted his head, and rested it against my forehead. He was breathing hard…

'Maybe I should go,' Jesse whispered in a hushed tone. It was such a tone that made me realise leaving was the _last_ thing he wanted…

'Don't,' I whispered back.

Convinced against it, Jesse nodded lightly.

'I'll stay.'

My heart seared.

His fingers began flitting against the buttons of my shirt. I shuddered deeply, closing my eyes. I didn't know what it was…between the violence of the raging storm just beyond the walls, the fear that Paul roused (amongst other things,) and how damn good his fingers made me feel when they were touching my skin – all I knew that touching, _any _kind, was what I wanted from Jesse. I craved it.

Whether that was lust, or the fear, I didn't know.

Nor did I particularly care.

Jesse lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. His gaze bore into me, penetrating and exploring. It was strong, a gaze I'd seen many times before. The gaze that wrapped me inside him as he shared his soul with mine. Only, what I saw when I looked into him this time jarred me.

Fear.

Jesse feared for me. For my safety. Of the things Paul could do to me – and had already tried to. Of falling too deeply into this unpredictable storm…

I arched my neck back, meeting his forehead with my lips and kissing it faithfully. I tried to think of a way to comfort him, so he wouldn't worry anymore. It almost hurt to think, though…especially when his fingers, which had been grazing my skin softly, began slowly undoing the buttons of my shirt…

Thrill, dark and amazing, twisted through me. I stopped breathing entirely.

He moved down slowly and carefully, popping each one until finally my shirt lay wide open over my torso. He slowly glided his strong, gentle hands up over my stomach, brushing past my breasts and to my shoulders…where he proceeded to slide the shirt off of my arms. I could feel his breath, short and ragged, against my neck. Soon, his head was dipped until it was in the crook of my neck and after a brief moment, I felt lips – Jesse's soft lips, caressing the aching flesh over my thudding pulse.

I shuddered like mad…

His hands were hot on my waist. He pressed against my bare skin tightly as his hands wandered all over, grazing my back, my stomach, up and down my sides, all the while his lips still wreaking a heavenly havoc on my neck.

Without much thought or reason – instinct was a powerful, driving force – I carefully sat up – Jesse sat up with me, still kissing… - and lifted my hands around to my back, undoing the clasp of my bra. When Jesse realised what I'd done, his lips quickly left my neck, and he moved until his face was directly in front of me. Neither of us spoke. His hands, however, were anything but silent.

They were on my shoulders in a split second, toying with the straps, until finally he brought them down with decisiveness. My bra fell into my lap silently. Quickly, he picked it up and tossed it on the ground.

We sat there, in front of each other on the bed. I was half-naked and slightly cold due to the absence of any upper clothing, and Jesse was staring at me. He'd never seen me this way before… I was surprised by the flooding arousal that came simply from his awed gaze.

That was when I found myself being pushed down on the bed, his lips now on mine and kissing me in a hungry manner that I hadn't detected just a few minutes before. A moment ago, everything had been slow, subtle.

But now…

Now, there was a frightening sense of urgency. I could feel it just as much as Jesse could; this feeling that if we didn't touch now, and as much and as quickly as possible, we'd never get the chance to again.

Maybe I knew. Maybe some part of me had mapped out the scenario that would devastate everything I'd grown to love, and I knew. Maybe that was where _my_ desperation came from.

But really, how _could_ I have known?

His hand slid between our bodies, and rested on my breast as his lips occupied mine. A shooting electricity from the caress sparked like barbed wire though my body, just as a bolt of lightning ripped though the sky alighting the two of us in its wake. A moment later, he was sitting up and straddling me. I gasped, reaching my hungry fingers up to slip them beneath his shirt. My hands, shaking hard, were rewarded by the warmth of Jesse's muscular abdomen and lower back. Jesse, sensing what I wanted, reached down and pulled the cotton shirt over his dead and tossed it on the floor.

He glowed dimly with astral glory. My eyes were glazed with desire.

In the back of my mind, I knew the shirt he'd thrown didn't really exist. If anyone were to walk in right now, all they'd see was me on a bed. No Jesse. No shirt on the floor. I pushed that thought as far away as I possibly could. I couldn't function if I dwelt on it. Jesse lowered himself back over me and claimed my lips once more. He pushed his bare chest against mine, and I quivered from how raw and _close_ it felt…

I'd had Jesse's shirt off before, just as he'd reached under mine to touch me. But this was…different. It felt different. More real. More direct. I felt closer to Jesse at that moment than I ever had when I'd been with him physically. Emotionally, I'd always been close to him, but as far as the physical went, he'd either kept me at arm's length, or he'd tentatively experiment before his conscience got the better of him. I'd never felt the same amount closeness in a physical manner at the same time as the emotional.

That was…until now.

And I was awestruck by the power of it, the rawness, the primal need of it. Around me, the air sizzled with electricity of the storm raging on out there, but inside the room a different storm raged.

We created that.

I had never, _ever_ wanted anyone with that much intensity and desire than I did at that moment, pressed against Jesse as he kissed me with such deeply felt passion. Instead of frightening me like I thought it would have, it excited me, sparked me on further. The need to be touched, to touch him, grew in my stomach until it felt like it was going to _explode_.

My skin was slick was sweat. My breathing was more like a wave of motion now, than it was an unconscious act. Every time I inhaled, a pull rippled throughout my entire body, making me grind against him even more. I could feel each of Jesse's fingers individually, pressing hard against my back as he gripped me into him with his kiss. My head swam and my blood was fire, red and roaring.

Jesse buried his face into my neck, panting fiercely on my moist skin. He moved down over me so his lips were suddenly on my chest, kissing me there and making me gasp uncontrollably. My hand slid to his cheek, down his neck and securing itself on his shoulder. One of _his_ hands ventured beneath my back, causing me to arch backwards as my mouth fell open.

'Jesse…' I panted breathlessly. I'd never felt like this before. We were both exploring realms new and undiscovered to us.

And I was begging for more. For once, I think Jesse was finally prepared to give this to me. Who knew it would feel _this good_? I'd fantasised over it, but to be here, like this, now…no fantasy could ever compare to the heart-pounding reality.

I squeezed my eyelids shut, delving the back of my head into my pillow. Here we were, exchanging body heat like there had never been so much at stake. It was real. This wasn't a hallucination…I could feel his fingers, his breath, his love. Every nerve ending and beginning crackled with sparks of life, having laid dormant for so long. When his lips were done with their delicate teasing of my chest, alighting a fiery hunger in my lower belly, I pulled his head back up to my face and tenderly kissed his lips. I was addicted.

It was almost painful how much I wanted him, how much this pool of desire filled my body, tugging at me and demanding to spill free. I was pretty sure that the same feelings were going on inside of Jesse, too. I could feel him… it only served to intensify my arousal. My hands lost themselves in his thick black hair before running over every inch of him I could: down his neck, across his broad shoulders, over the muscular and hot planes of his back. I couldn't get enough.

And as he lips were distracting me with my own, I felt his fingers hook over the edges of my pants, before pulling them down.

My breath stopped short. Was he – ? Did he just…

Oh. My. _God_.

I thought I'd never breathe again. His hands were warm on my thighs as he struggled to pull my cumbersome jeans off.

I felt my breath come back to me suddenly – in almost a crazy way. Now suddenly I couldn't do anything _but_ breathe – well, _pant_ really. When the jeans were finally gone he threw them to the side quickly and brought himself back down on me, his lips back down to my own. Feverishly, we kissed whilst his hand moved up and down my upper thigh. It felt strange... different than when he rested his hand on my knee when we sat casually and he rested his hand there. Different than when he rested his hand there over my pants. It was a sharp feeling that was almost akin to what his lips had done to my breasts.

Instinctively my legs started to pry closed, the intense feelings that were emanating between them almost too much to handle.

When Jesse's hand slowly slipped underneath the band of my panties and gently pressed against there, I screamed.

He released his hold quickly and ran his hand back up to my breast and started to palm it slowly- but just the second it had been there was enough.

_I needed him._

And most important to reach that goal? His pants _had_ to go.

My fingers shot out and started tugging on his pants, unsure of how the worked. I felt around until I felt cool metal: his belt buckle. After a minute of frantic fiddling, I finally managed to undo the belt holding up his pants while he busied himself nibbling on my ear and caressing my breasts. We broke apart for a few agonizing seconds as I pushed his pants down and he kicked them completely off of him.

When they were disposed of, Jesse quickly laid down on top of me, pulling the blanket on the bed over us for warmth.

Here I was, naked, with Jesse de Silva, _also_ naked.

It didn't feel real. And how could it? Things that felt this amazing and fantastic never were. I kept reminding myself, _Yes. This really is happening._

His fingers really were hooked around the edges of my pink-and-black-striped (I wondered briefly what he thought of the colour selection...?) panties, desperately twisting them off.

And when he was finished, that was it. We were alone, on top of each other, nothing between us. I took a moment to soak it in: his body, strong, hard but comforting, caged around me with no cloth between us hindering our closeness; his hot breath on my neck as he delicately nipped along my neck and down towards my shoulder, and his hands – those glorious, strong, knowing hands – giving me chills as one held firmly at my waist and the other tantalised the skin on my thigh.

It had seemed like ages since words left our lips (other than the moans of each other's names.) when I heard a hoarse whisper in my ear begging me, 'Spread your legs, _querida.._.'

Nothing alive – or dead – could have made me argue with _that_ request. When they were apart enough, he slipped his hand between them and started to gently caress the soft skin on the inside of my thighs between my legs.

I let loose a breathy moan. Just as it had the other night, I felt the muscles right there tense up and the electricity his touch caused a crackle through the whole room. But Jesse was not as content as he was last night to just slowly stroke the skin there. Well, it started that way…but that soon changed. As his lips were on mine, his adventurous fingers slipped higher and higher until they met at the –

That was when he stopped, withdrew his hand and crawled off of me.

Shaking hard, I raised my hand to my glistening forehead in confusion. 'Jesse?'

He sighed. 'Oh _querida_... I'm so sorry for coming this far, and – we just can't.' I sat up properly, pulling a pillow over my shivering body. His heat was gone, yet I still desperately needed him.

'Why not?' I asked, my voice scratchy. 'We're _so close_…'

To my dismay, he was already pulling his pants back on. His hands were shaking too, I noticed. 'Susannah,' he said, sliding his belt back on before looking at me with intense black eyes. I was stunned by how…torn he looked. 'I want this, I swear. More than I can – But we just keep ignoring it. And it's _wrong_.'

'Ignoring – ?'

'I'm a ghost!' he said, turning away from me angrily, slamming his hand against the wall. 'I died over a hundred and fifty years ago! I have nothing – _nothing_, to offer you. Not security, not the prospect of a family, not _visibility_ to every one else who matters in your life!' His head jerked back at me, and he groaned. 'And it's _so selfish of me_…just because I died before I – here I am, just _taking this_ from you, with nothing else to give you in return – '

Horrified, I climbed to my knees, still pressing the pillow against me for modesty's sake. 'What are you talking about? Jesse, you're giving me _you_. That's all I could ever ask for.'

'Exactly!' he replied, exasperated. 'What else could you ask for, when I don't have anything else to give? Here you are, giving up every opportunity in the world for me; life for a dead man. And all I can ever do is kiss you like a fool. You said it yourself before – you don't _need _me to watch over you. It wasn't like I was doing a grand job of protecting you anyway,' he added bitterly.

My mouth was suddenly arid. I swallowed down the bewilderment of these awful words. 'Jesse, I do need you…'

He faced the window, where the storm continued to divide the oceans. 'No. You don't.'

Anger swelled within me. What right did he have to tell me what I needed? I felt ashamed of my nakedness. I looked away, hurt. 'Okay, fine…we don't have to do this now. I get that. That's all right…' Disappointment intruded my words, but it didn't matter. I could sacrifice this pleasure, if it meant stopping Jesse from saying things that I didn't want to hear.

He hadn't breathed since he'd last spoken.

'No.'

I blinked quickly. '"No," what?'

'It's not all right,' he turned back to me, his eyes now aloof and decided. My breath snagged in my throat. 'Susannah, who are we fooling? This…' he waved his hand at me, kneeling on the bed with a pillow clutched to myself, 'is a joke.'

Burning.

Behind my eyes, my nose; ripping down my throat… My lips shook. 'This is a joke to you?'

My awareness of my tears was startling. I felt the air stinging my eyes like acid, corrosive and hateful, and the liquefied pain brimming over my eyelids, spilling slowly from the corners of my eyes and scraping down my face like knives. With the hand that was not holding the pillow against me, I seized a handful of blankets and pulled them also to my body. I needed to hide. Hide this _joke_ from him.

His teeth clenched. '_No_,' he expressed with frustration, beginning to pace with abandon. And, as it seemed, self-hatred. 'Susannah, that's _not_ what I meant. What I – this relationship… I thought _kissing_ you was bad enough, but what I just tried to do, what I was so very ready to do with you…'

None of his sentences were coherent. They lacked any structure, any logic that I needed to be satisfied by his lunacy. 'Jesse!' I shrilled. 'Just – just stop, okay? Stop moving, and just _talk_ to me. Please!'

More tears scythed from my eyes. They felt like the coldest form of ice, pressing against my skin bitterly and scarring me from the deadly chill. I blinked down and even more spilled. I brushed them away angrily.

'I can't do this anymore,' he said. 'Not to you. I love you too much to hurt you…'

That's when it happened.

…I finally realised, with colossal gravity, what he was saying. I felt like an anchor plunging into the cold ocean. Heavy, lead and drowning.

'You don't want to be with me,' I said tonelessly.

'_Want_ has nothing to do with it,' he assured me with a humourless laugh. The sound hurt my head. 'If I continue to do as I _want_, you're going to end up alone, unhappy and regretful.' I went to protest with fierce violence, but he overrode me, his eyes sharp; the knives behind my tears. 'I won't let you _waste_ yourself on me.'

How…how had this happened? How had we been so ready to…how had he been pushed to this point? My mouth hung open in wordless horror. I tried to look away from his unwavering gaze, but I couldn't. I was still praying for a flicker of doubt to pass by, where I could seize the moment and convince him that everything he'd just said was absolutely ridiculous.

But no doubt ever surfaced.

He was resolute.

Gradually, my gaze sank to my hands, holding the white sheets so stupidly against my chest. I felt too pale, too cold. Too tainted.

I sank back on the mattress, curling my fingers against my lips.

'But I love you…' I whispered.

'And I you,' he said. 'But that can't matter. This has to end. No more kisses. No more staying over. No more _querida_.'

That last word hurt me more than I could have imagined. And yet, I couldn't muster the strength to fight for him. I didn't understand why this was so. I needed him, didn't I? Why wasn't I storming and raging him right now, screaming at him to stop being stupid? Why was I just so…numb?

A violent shiver pressed me into a cold, dark place. All I could hear was one word that Jesse had said, echoing in my head.

_Wrong_.

So Paul had been right after all. Being in love with a ghost was wrong. I'd always known, but I thought that my love was different… Jesse had been so pure, and I'd adored him so much –

How _arrogant_ had I been, to think my love was superior? Just because it was mine, it was an exception to this rule? Jesse was finally acknowledging how wrong this was.

It was killing me.

I looked up through a shield of blurring tears. Jesse was staring at me, with eyes darker and more expressionless than I'd remembered seeing in a very long time. He'd only had eyes like that before the L word. I'd gotten so used to being able to understand him…

Now he was standing beyond my fingertips. I couldn't reach him.

My eyes fell sadly to his chest. I wasn't really looking at it, more…past it. I did note that it wasn't heaving like mine was. _He_ didn't have any trouble breathing like I did. He'd even gotten his hands under control. No longer were they shaking non-stop.

Unlike mine.

_No more querida._

I bowed my head, glaring at my stupid hands. 'Go away,' I hissed.

'Susannah.'

'_Go_,' I spat, my eyes screaming poison as they snapped up to meet him. That flicker of doubt that I had been praying for finally appeared, but before I could act upon it, he was gone with a shimmer of dead blue light.

And then I was alone.

I sat there on the mattress for a very long time. I had to force myself to blink. Every time I did, more tears would fall. I tried to keep them in. If they didn't escape, then maybe it…maybe it hadn't just happened. If I didn't cry, then maybe I could convince myself that he was still here with me.

But like he said, who was I fooling?

I shattered.

Oh, it was ugly. Never before had I shaken so hard, whimpered so much, breathed so little, gasped so chokingly, clawed at my sheets with such pain. I staggered from the bed to seize my clothes. Being naked hurt too much. Having pulled everything on though uncontrollable sobs, I then tried to get out of that stupid room –

But I was so damn blinded by tears and darkness that I forgot all about the books. I barrelled right into two large stacks.

They fell and crashed everywhere. I thudded to the ground, but lacked the energy to bother to pick myself up. Sprawled over scattered novels, I lay there and cried. Right before my eyes, I saw the book I'd been reading before, _The Turn of the Screw_, which had been thrown haphazardly onto the ground. It felt like there were screws throughout my entire body, and they were all being twisted and turned deeper past my skin, piercing me internally. I begged for my heart to freeze over, so I'd stop feeling. Everywhere, I felt pain. It hurt like hell. My elbow seared from the collision of falling, as did my forehead. Then there was the slow burning that was starting at my heart, eating its way out all across my body with a vengeance. For too long had I been happy – pain was claiming its victory over me again.

I tried to get up, but it ached too much. Surrendering myself to the tears, I gave up and let pain have its way with me.

… _No more querida._


	7. Choose or Lose

**_Steph: _For the record, LOLLY wrote the breakup bit. So kindly re-direct all death threats, hitmen, and letter bombs to HER _thankyouverymuch._ Hehe. And now, for another chapter filled with rainbows, and puppies, and Jesse kissies... teehee. **

**Not. **

**_ Lolly:_ Steph wrote the almost sexing. So direct any "oMg jesse SSOO wuldnt DO dat!" to her. Not that there was any...big pack of Jesse munchers...gawd.**

**_Steph:_ Don't mind her. She's just can't get deal with the Jesseness. She IS in a frenzy over the Paul scene that she did. I think she needs a cold shower... Hussy. Do you DENY it?  
**

** (LOLLY IS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT AT THIS TIME.)**

**No..wait..**

**_Lolly: _Piss off.**

**(THAT IS ALL. PLEASE ENJOY CHAPTER SEVEN.) **

* * *

When you wake up in a place other than your own bed, there's always that split second of confusion. Where are you? How did you get here? Why are you not at home? Has something happened? The questions are usually wordless, and they flicker though your mind faster than you can comprehend.

But when that split second has passed, all the answers and necessary information surrounding your questions comes flooding back into your head, filling you with awareness, closure.

In my case, dread.

Beneath my back, the solid, lumpy books that I'd passed out on had practically bruised me. I groaned from the dull ache. My head was swarming with pain, but it didn't compare to the knowledge that I now carried.

He'd left me.

I did my best to ignore it. Sitting up slowly, I frowned with yet another groan. My eyes were rusty from tears. I felt fabric between my fingers, though. Upon looking down, I realised with a deadening pang that it was Jesse's shirt - the one I'd forced him to leave without last night. I hadn't even realised that I'd been holding it all night. I felt sick.

With a tiny hope that was soon to be destroyed, I pulled his shirt up to my face and tried to breathe in any scent, _any_ essence that may have remained behind for my memory to cling to. However, with slamming certainty, I understood that he could not leave a smell. The fact that his shirt remained was only because I, a mediator, had willed it to, all night. Otherwise, it would have just faded back to him.

But smell...

He was dead. Of course he didn't have a smell.

God, I wished he did. It would have gone against all his arguments about not really existing to me. I hated him for being so right… for leaving me alone like this.

I dragged my laboured gaze to the clock on the wall, to discover it was barely five o'clock in the morning. Sniffling – my sinuses were playing up after a night of lying on the ground with no covers, during a thunderstorm no less in an apartment with no heating – I crawled to my feet, still with my fingers clawed around his shirt. I didn't want to let it go. If I did…then he may never come back. He might truly fade from my existence, and I wouldn't have any way of remembering him. Of proving how much he affected my life, my reason to be. I didn't want to let him go.

But with whatever remained of my pride, I finally willed my fingers to release the fabric. The moment I did, it glowed a gentle blue and shimmered away.

I choked on a sob.

In the part of my brain that was still capable of activity, I decided to go back home and sleep for the rest of the morning. What scared me the most was… after that. When I woke up. What was I going to do? What was I going to feel? Now, I still felt numb, and heavy. I was barely awake. I knew what had happened, but…I still hadn't felt the chill of his absence. I was terrified to come into a state of true realisation. I could taste the pain already. Its icy reckoning would not spare me.

The one man that I'd ever loved – ever _would_ love, I know; love like this does not grace us twice in a lifetime – was gone.

As I drove home through the deadly quiet Carmel streets, gazing at the aftermath of the storm, my eyes started tearing up. I just…I didn't understand. One moment, we'd been ready to – and then suddenly, he just _ripped_ himself off of me and broke up with me.

_Why_?Why THEN? Could he have not picked a less breath-taking moment to dump me? Like, _after_? Oh, no. He had to choose the moment when I was so full of desire, so full of need, of love, to just – AXE my HEART like that.

And then he just left. He listened to me when I told him to go. Oh, _why_ did he have to listen? Why couldn't he have just grabbed me, and told me that he was joking? And that I _wasn't _a joke? Sure, him saying that would have made me go all Freddy Kruger on his ass, but then we would have continued where he abruptly left off…

And it would have been perfect.

It would have been.

But it won't be any more.

Because he's gone.

I slammed on the brakes of my car. GOD. I just hated _whining _like that, even internally. If I could have heard what I was saying, said from the lips of some other lovesick, dumped girl, I would have rolled my eyes. But this…this pain, it was – it ached. It was a disease. I couldn't breathe. It hurt _so much_.

I just hated his righteous _bullshit_. How he didn't think he was enough, so that made him take away from me what he DID have to offer. Oh God, how I wanted to tell him that he was more than enough…everything I wanted; needed. Why didn't he see that everything else wasn't important? That I only had to have him, and I'd be happier than he could have imagined? He was enough. He was _everything_.

…Which explained the holes that he'd left.

It was burning…

Only now, did I truly understand the meaning of that. Having holes. His presence, the knowledge of him, had filled it; sustained me. It was connected to my heart. It was the battery that made it beat. It was the part of my brain that triggered my happiness. It was entwined with my soul, making me try, giving me faith and light. His love was my shelter.

He'd given that to me, only to steal it away again. Everything that he'd taken back had left me punctured everywhere imaginable, with invisible bloody wounds of hell. I was lost, faithless, scared, hurt, void.

I felt dead.

By the time I'd stopped thinking, I was falling onto my bed. The tears had stopped. I was…just exhausted now. Everything ached. It was so, so cold. My muscles felt like soaked fabric: cold, and very heavy. My eyes stung. My nose was freezing. My fingertips stung, and I missed him _so much._

It had only been a few hours. Was this ever going to get better?

I lost consciousness. For a long time, it seemed. Not _literally_, but…I may as well have been dead to the world all that time. I certainly couldn't feel anything except the numbness, something for which I was thankful.

– It was better than the pain.

-F&I-

Three days had passed.

I didn't notice.

I hadn't gone back to STAB. I kept calling in sick. Robbie had seized the phone at one stage to tell me that he, CeeCee and Adam were painting the walls the pastel green that I loved. He said the bookstore looked amazing, and that his brother had stopped in to look at the existing lights, and see what he could do as far as getting some better ones. He then pointed out that I'd barely said a word the whole conversation.

'I'm not well,' I said lamely.

I said the same to CeeCee when she took the phone hostage, and demanded a reason for my absence. Annoyed, she tossed back, '_Robbie_'s not well. But he's a little fighter. He's got a mother of a chest infection, Suze. Come on, show some guts like our new resident fifteen year old. He's truckin' along – '

'Shut up,' Robbie laughed in the background, before dissolving into a hacking cough.

As I hung up, I instantly felt a wave of guilt. _He_ was there. _His_ illness was physical. Just because my heart had splintered, and little pieces were stabbing through my pericardium, piercing further into my lungs and making mince meat out of them, didn't mean that I had the right to let Mr. and Mrs. Hughes down.

And yet, here I was. Right-less, loveless, bloodless.

I stared at the ceiling, transfixed by the silence that roared within my head.

When the extension rang shrilly in my room, I groaned and ignored it. After a moment, Andy yelled up the stairs, 'Suze! It's yours!'

I sighed, and picked up the phone. 'Hello.'

'Susannah,' Father Dominic's voice said through the receiver.

I swallowed. I didn't want to talk to him. He was going to be all preachy and critical over why I had to get out of my funk, how I should get over it and that it was all for the best.

'I was asleep.'

I wanted to remain that way. It was the only way to forget.

He detected my warning. Because of that, I assume that he chose to tread carefully. 'I would like you to come and visit me, Susannah,' he said in a soft, even voice. I just breathed. My mind was whirring. _What had Jesse told him?_

'When?' I asked. 'Because I'm sleeping now.'

He sighed. 'Susannah. For your benefit, I really would like to see you. Can you come to me very soon?'

'Maybe.'

'No, not maybe. Don't make me tell Andrew to drive you…'

I scoffed angrily. 'That's so not funny. Look, I know what – I just don't want to, okay? I – '

'That's settled then,' he overrode me. 'I shall see you in an hour.'

He hung up.

Irrationally pissed, I threw the phone as hard as I could against the wall.

Unfortunately, I fell short and it landed on the cushions of my window seat. The lack of destruction helped me in no way to slake my anger. Furious with Father Dominic for just TELLING me what to do, and not _asking_ me if I felt up to coming out to see him – I _so_ didn't – I knelt up on my bed, seized my pillow and started punching it as hard as I could. It didn't help. There was no sound at contact – just muffled tapping. Unsatisfied, I stood up and ran over to my wall. My heart thudded wildly. I just…I wanted to hit something. I needed to.

A jolt of pure, chaste fury clenched my fist, and with a yell I aimed it straight at the wall. There was a much louder, much more fulfilling thud. Instantly, an _explosion_ of pain rocketed firstly in my knuckles and then rapidly up my entire arm. I moaned in pain. It helped though. It made me breathe easier. I forgot about him. He was the wall. My fist hurt more than my heart. That was good. A tiny crack had appeared on the wall.

My muscles spasmed from acute pain. I screwed my facial features up, feeling the anger, the physical pain, coursing through my arms. It was power. I had the power to make it go away. With the other fist this time… I punched, harder –

'_Shit!_' I gasped, as blood started spilling from the tips of my knuckles. The pain was intense. The crack was bigger, and smears of my blood were starkly visible. I muted my wail and ran to the bathroom, running my hand under the freezing water. It turned a diluted red, swirling down the drain. It wasn't much blood. But it was enough to scare me.

When I bled, _he _usually bandaged me up. Now, I bled for him. _Because_ of him. I hadn't meant to, just the anger had – it was hot, and consuming and it needed to be acted upon and my arms felt like the bones had been shattered and my knuckles were raw and the coldness of the water stung them into numbness again, but nothing could make me go back to being numb – the dam was broken –

And I was crying.

Hard.

After three days of not feeling, I felt it all. I sank down into the bathtub with the water of the basin still running with cold turbulence. I clutched my stupid bleeding hands. I was shaking again. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to hold onto something so they wouldn't shake, but that only tempted me to pull my hair out. The pain in my arms was unbearable now…

Why had I been SO STUPID?

What was punching the wall going to prove, _huh_?

Stupid…no wonder he wanted to get away from this _joke._

And after everything, it still didn't drown out the pain of my heart. Oh no…physical pain was an echo, a _ghost_, of that.

I cried for him.

-F&I-

I drove to the rectory fifteen minutes later. I was still shaking. I just…I couldn't stop. I was locked in a chill, and the key was missing. There were lime green bandaids all over my knuckles – it was stupid, because whenever I straightened my fingers, they would buckle and threaten to peel off. But it stopped the bleeding.

Once at my destination, I nervously got out of my Bug and trudged to Father Dominic's haunt. The sister who answered the door recognised me, and told me that Father Dominic was out briefly, but he would return soon.

'Are you all right?' she asked me, regarding me with concern.

I smiled weakly. 'I'm great.'

Unconvinced, she left me.

I hadn't been in Father Dom's little 'home' very much. It was humble, since he'd taken a vow of poverty or whatever. There was a small TV in the corner with a couch, and a little bedroom with his bed adjoining this room. The bathroom was pretty small, too. A handful of rooms housed important nuns like Sister Ernestine, or when he bothered to visit, Monsignor Constantine. Everything was really brown…

I went and sat on the couch, fiddling with the bandaids. They were a stupid idea…they made me look like a street light that announced, Go! Hah. At least people listened…Jesse went the _moment _I said 'Go'…

My gaze descended to the floor, and I was surprised to see an open book half-kicked under the seat. Dragging it out – it was quite thick, every page filled with neat handwriting – I wondered what it was.

Before I could stop myself, I was reading the page that it was opened at…

"…_I don't know what I'm going to do now. I know what I have to do: what I initially intended to do with my life, of course. However, what we plan very rarely turns out the way we originally expected. I never counted on meeting her. My sweet, sweet Lily…"_

Oh my God.

This…this was Father Dom's diary. I checked the date at the top of the entry – 1st of April, 1966. He must have been, what…twenty something? Presuming that he's sixty something now…

I read on, eager to know more about her, this Lily…

_Never could I have predicted that such a blessing would find her way to me, at the most **terrible** time. But now she's gone again. She left for me – she didn't want to put me in this position anymore, she said. She urged me to take my holy orders. That God needed me. She didn't realise how much I need her. I miss her so much, and it's only been a week. Lily, come back to me. We'll find a way, I swear. Hear this prayer and return, my love – "_

That's when the book was torn swiftly from my lap.

I looked up to meet a grey-faced, wide-eyed Father Dominic. My heart shrank in fear. Oh my God…he totally caught me.

'Why – ' he began, but he looked like he didn't trust himself to speak. He snapped the book shut, and held it against his chest even more protectively than how Robbie used to hold his sketchbook. His eyes flickered.

'Father Dominic,' I gasped, 'I'm _so _sorry – it was just on the ground and I wondered why it had been dropped there, and I didn't realise… I'm _really, really sorry_ – '

He closed his eyes, as if in pain. 'How much did you read?' he asked, his voice thin.

It hurt me. To know now, that what I was feeling now – he'd felt it _worse_. His ghost had GONE. Mine had just dumped me.

'Lily,' I said, 'She's…'

'Yes,' he replied heavily. 'Susannah, you were not meant to see that. No one was...if the sisters found this, I'd be – '

He didn't finish the sentence again. Instead, he walked swiftly into his room. I heard the thud of a cupboard, and more noises of movement, before he returned, empty handed.

'I'm sorry,' I said again, meekly.

He stood in front of the television, not looking at me. 'My fault, I guess,' he mumbled. 'I was…reminiscing…shouldn't have left it on the floor for…' he trailed off, before his eyes suddenly refocused. '_Susannah_ – what happened to your _hands_?'

My eyes snapped away from his. 'Um. Mean ghost. It's okay,' I lied.

He looked extremely concerned. 'Are you all right? When did he – or she, attack? Did they – '

'She moved on,' I said quickly, feeling stupider by the second for punching an innocent wall. 'Completely closed case.'

Oh, if only she could move on…

Glancing back up to the priest, I sighed. 'So…was Lily the girl in that photo I saw?'

His silence confirmed this.

'I'm sorry,' I said again, this time not just for invading his privacy, but also for – well, I knew what he'd gone through. Well, sort of. Every second made my situation seem more and more trivial. He'd lost everything…why was I being so stupid?

He shut the door so we wouldn't be overheard, and then sat on the couch beside me. 'How are you doing?' he asked me.

'Kinda badly,' I muttered. I'd die before telling him about my breakdown half an hour ago. 'But I'll deal, right? I mean…I totally had this coming,' I added bitterly.

He clicked his tongue sympathetically.

'You always get designated this job, doncha,' I smiled, feeling no real humour.

'So it would seem,' Father Dominic said.

'Does that make you a saint, or Jesse a coward?' I asked.

'Neither.'

I slumped back into the couch, crossing my arms and hiding my knuckles beneath my armpits. 'I just…I don't get it. I mean – ' I said quickly, 'I _do_. But…it's not fair.'

'You have to understand, Susannah,' Father Dom's voice adopted that calm, confess-to-me serenity that harboured no hint of reproach, 'Jesse is from a very different time to you. He's had a different upbringing, and he's extremely firm in his beliefs. We both know how he feels about you – '

I sighed glumly.

' – But it doesn't change the fact that he knows any…relationship with you, would end in disaster. Also, I think you don't realise how…hard it is for him to not be able to provide you with anything. Not family, security, finance…a ghost cannot do that. It goes against everything he believes in.'

'So he's got this whole dominant I'm-the-breadmaker attitude going on,' I exclaimed, cheesed off. 'Oh, great. Way to embrace the twenty-first century, Jesse – '

'Susannah,' he cautioned me. 'Listen. He told me what…almost happened.'

My face became very hot.

'Um.'

'I'm saying this not from the eyes of a Roman Catholic priest, but from the eyes of Jesse de Silva: It wasn't right. He isn't a constant thing. He can go at any moment – whenever he truly wills it. If he left, after the two of you…confirmed your affection for each other, how would you be?'

'Alone,' I said flatly.

'Precisely. Everything you're feeling would have been intensified. Isn't it better that he's saved you from that?'

I glared at the wall in front of me. 'It's not for him to decide. He _could_ go, like you said. But seriously, he's pretty much around for ever. Without interference, he'd _never_ move on. So, I'm pretty sure that he's got a lot of time on his hands. This isn't like last time – we know how we feel about each other. You thought I was some stupid girl crushing on the Latino hottie before. It's not the same now. It's so much worse…'

Father Dom patted my arm awkwardly. 'Believe me when I say that it is hurting him too. You have a connection with Jesse, Susannah. Everything you're feeling is hitting him in _waves_. Now that he's…not with you, you're all he can think about. All he gets from his sensing is your pain. I know it hurts… I know how you feel… I have been there, I promise you. But you must not dwell on it, other wise it will…never stop hurting.'

I pulled away, feeling wisps of the anger I'd felt before returning to me. 'Look, I'm sorry about your Lily. I really am. But at least she moved on, Father Dom. Jesse's still hanging around now, isn't he? I have to live with that knowledge, that he's _so close_ and I'm not allowed near him. I don't know if – if I can _deal_ with that.'

'Susannah – '

I stood up angrily. 'No, I'm done. I've…gotta go.'

'Please, we need to – '

My fingers went to my forehead. I pressed against my temples in pain, trying to ignore him. With a groan of dull pain again, I just walked out of there. He was telling me to come back, that there was more to discuss, that I shouldn't have to deal with this alone –

'Just shut up!' I snapped, spinning around. 'Stop acting like you KNOW what I'm feeling, okay? Just – keep your stupid insights to yourself!'

A fleeting look of shock crossed his face. I felt strangely triumphant, as if I'd put the cork over what was going to be a lot of self-absorbed wisdom. With a final embittered look in the direction of Father Dominic, I walked out of there.

The triumph haunted me all the way to my car. That's when I went stock still.

…I'd actually _enjoyed_ that. Oh my God. Telling him to shut up and keep his memories of Lily to himself – that had made me feel _better_ about myself. His momentary misery, I mean.

Was I turning into PAUL? Living off other people's pain, just so I could block out my own?

Horrified, I got into the car and I drove.

What was happening to me? I was losing it… Reality was so warped, and everything – it wasn't even askew, it was mutated past the point of recognition. I had just been a total bitch. I'd ditched my efforts to help two frail old people. I was wallowing in this undeserved self-pity. I was changing.

It scared the life out of me…

I just kept driving. For almost an hour, it seemed. I'd never been one for driving for the hell of it. I'd heard of others who did it, but it had never really appealed to me. I mean, why waste your gas like that, with no real destination? It seemed stupid.

Until now, anyway.

I continued driving until I was suddenly at the beach. Dusk was fast approaching by then, and I all I wanted was to feel lost in the endless water. Everything had spun so violently out of control in these last few days. I couldn't even conceive how it had all happened so fast. Or so easily.

Parking and tossing my shoes into the front seat, I walked out onto the cold sand, barefoot. I shivered a little from the breeze. It was surprisingly empty, considering it was the middle of summer. But then, the beach was always emptiest thing time od day. Too late for tanners and surfers, but too early for the high schoolers and college kids to build their crappy bonfires, and scull cheap, tasteless beer.

I stood on the sand and stared out into the distance. I saw the side start to seep in closer and closer. Waves rocked rhythmically. It was calm tonight…not like it had been the other night. When Jesse and I had –

OH MY GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Couldn't I have one – just ONE thought, without HIM creeping into it? Shuddering deeply, I closed my eyes. It wasn't fair. Sometimes, I could still feel him. I could still remember the way his fingers touched my skin… the electricity of his kiss. Imagining almost made it real. Like he was really there, touching me. But it was only a faint memory, never lasting and half remembered.

That's when my cell went off.

'Hello?' I answered.

'Susannah…'

For the second time that day, Father Dominic's voice filled the receiver. There was a certain sting of betrayal in his tone. 'Susannah, when you left…_did you take my diary?_'

…What?

Stunned at the accusation, I replied, 'Huh? How could I have – you put it away, remember?'

'It's not there,' he said, not yet believing me. '…Look, are you _sure_? I only went out for a moment, and when I came back, that and some of my other –'

'I didn't take your diary,' I scowled. 'I can't believe you'd think I would do that.'

Guilt entered his voice. '…Oh dear…I'm sorry, Susannah. Just… if Sister _Ernestine _were to come across it, I'd…yes, I'm sorry, of course you wouldn't do such a –'

He hung up. Again.

Frowning, I shoved my cell away, indignant over the allegation. Soon, the indignation melted away again until I was flailing in my pool of despair.

I was conflicted. On the one hand, I understood everything that Father Dom had told me, about why Jesse had done what he had. We all knew it was a long time coming. I had kept trying to put it out of my mind though, hadn't I?

On the other hand, it just didn't seem like a good enough reason. I mean, he wasn't _going_ anywhere. We really were in love – couldn't he have put his beliefs aside, just a _little_ bit for me? Why couldn't he accept that I didn't need anything else from him? I loved him just the way he was…

I felt on the verge of tears again. I hated crying so much, and yet here I was, Fountain of Self-Pity. It made me hate myself. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted him back, _now_. I glared fiercely down at the bandaids on my hands, and tore them off. I _hated_ this. I hated everything _about _this stupid situation. WHY did he even have to exist, if his only motive was to ultimately hurt me? That was just cruel. I mean, at least Paul Slater had been upfront about his intention to cause me pain. But Jesse…he'd been so _sly_. He'd crept into my life, stolen my heart knowing _perfectly_ well he didn't want to keep it, and he'd just disappeared again without giving it back. The holes in my body ached for him – everything that was now missing…

'Jesse…' I whispered, sinking down onto the sand and holding my knees to my chest, trying to fend myself away from the pain again. Never again would I mock the girls who'd been dumped. Never again would I underestimate the sheer agony of this loss. It was overwhelming.

…I felt his presence long before he spoke.

He was there for a few moments, watching me before he finally decided to make his presence known.

'Susannah.'

I didn't know what to do. Still crouching on the ground, staring tenaciously out at the ocean, I just kept blinking. A part of me wanted to hurt him for what he'd done. I was scared of this. Another part wanted to throw myself into his strong, protecting arms – oh, how I'd kiss him; I'd never let him go. However, I had neither the energy nor the confidence to follow through with either of these desires, no matter how forceful they were – some more than others. Instead, I calmly just lifted my head more, stared at the never-still water, and said, 'Can you please go?'

'Susannah, can we just – ' he began.

I got up and started to walk away, scared that my cool, calm and collected demeanour would evaporate at any moment.

'I want to talk to you, please wait!' he called. Suddenly, I felt his hand snatch up my wrist. My heart jumped into my throat, continuing to beat there loudly. He was touching me…I tried to push away the thrill that always encumbered me whenever he touched me, but it was no use. There was no fighting the things that he made me feel. Slowly, I turned and looked down at his hand on my pale wrist. His astral glow swirled faintly around it, alighting it with blue. I missed the light he provided me on dark nights…

He dropped my hand just as quickly as he'd grabbed it.

Story of my life…

Disappointment washed over me all the same. My gaze fell, and I sighed, walking away again.

'Susannah, _please_. Could you just – can we talk?'

I groaned, and stopped this time of my own free will. 'Looks like you're going to force me to anyway, so who am I to keep trying to leave?' I kicked at the sand, before glancing up at his face –

Whoa.

I was startled at the expression on it. He looked…really sad. Much sadder than I expected, anyway. It disturbed me. I wasn't used to – I couldn't _handle_ seeing him that sad. Suddenly, I wanted to do something, _anything_ to make him smile again.

Then I remembered that this was all his fault to begin with, so I tried to squash the impulse.

'What do you want?' I asked him, shoving my hands in my pockets impatiently. I remembered his little rant about his "wants" and how he said he didn't deserve them, and I felt pissed off again. Jesse was staring at his hands.

'I miss you,' he exhaled noisily.

He raised his hand to his face, dragging to down lethargically. He looked tired; agitated. 'I miss you even more than I imagined…'

Cracks formed over my aloof exterior. 'So? I miss you too. Big deal. Doesn't change anything, does it?'

Why was I acting like such a Queen Bitch? Surely, after yearning for him to come back to me so urgently, I'd welcome him with open arms, right?

…Surprisingly not. It hurt to even look at him. For that, I blamed him and him only.

Jesse's hands came to both of my shoulders sadly. 'Susannah…I am so _very_ sorry for how I treated you that night. My timing was impeccably awful, I know. But after that decision, I –' he trailed off, looking away. The strong planes of his face glowed in the dusky sunlight. His eyes were lost to sorrow. '– I just miss you. I wish that…that we could go back to the way things were before. Before I was such a danger to you, _before_ we knew how strongly we felt for each other. I just hate wanting what I know I can't have from you, but friendship…that is safe. I just want to be near you again…' he ran his hands over the skin of my arms. I shivered. If I felt the way I did when _all_ my friends touched me like this, then…

Oh God, I wanted to say yes. I wanted _anything_ that even resembled having him back. I wanted to go back to the uncomplicated dead-guy-living-in-my-bedroom scenario, if it meant that he was there. My heart bled when he was away…

But – having him there? Dangling him right in front of my face, all day, every day, and not being able to touch him? Could I _do _that to myself?

No way. It was suicide.

So as much as it hurt, I retreated a step. 'I'm sorry,' I breathed, wrapping my arms around me. We can't just rewind, Jesse. We know too much now. It won't be the same. It'll just progress to this, all over again, and we'll be stuck in a stupid cycle and it'll hurt too much. We can't be _just friends_.'

'And I can't stand to be away from you,' he stepped closer.

'Well,' I shrugged, 'That's where we are now then, aren't we? You've got two choices. We can either try this again – we'll have to make sacrifices, yes, but I think it'll be worth it. Or…you can leave and not come back.'

This frightened him as much as it did me. Did I just _tell him_ to get out of my life?

'Susannah –'

But before my heart could catch up with my mind, I was already babbling out what I considered to be logic. 'No. Jesse, you can't _do _this to me. I love you _so much…_ We can't just go halfsies on this. You either want to be with me fully, or you don't. I don't think I can compromise on this one…'

His eyes were wide. An element of indignation entered his voice. 'This is an ultimatum.'

I nodded. 'I guess it is.'

The sun had sunk beyond the horizon well and truly, now. Only smears of pink dwelt over the ocean. The muted blue gradually deepened into a dark cobalt. Clouds were suspended heavily across the sky, foreboding and solid.

My heart was hammering quickly inside my chest cavity. I ached to know what his answer was. It would determine everything…

'I…' he murmured, staring intensely into my eyes with uncertainty, '…I can't answer that now.'

'When, then?' I demanded. Even _I_ could hear the desperation in my tone. It mortified me.

'Tonight,' he promised me. 'I will come to you at midnight. I…I need to think. Whether I can allow myself to be as selfish as I was before, or if I'm going to do what's right in the long run for you…'

'_God_, I want you to be selfish,' I whispered in a tiny, frantic voice.

A sharp breath gripped him. His hands returned to my arms, and desire swarmed into his eyes.

Before I could stop myself, I closed the space and kissed him softly. I wanted to collapse into him, mould around him and love him… My eyes fluttered closed as his lips seized mine passionately. His fingers hooked the belt loops of my jeans, pulling me flush against him. My heart was fit to bust. He was just as urgent as I was –

And yet, I turned my face.

'No,' I moaned. He was still breathing hard, hot lips against my pleading neck. 'We can't.'

'I know,' he held me, as if unable to let go. 'I've just missed you so… is it wrong to feel this despondent after a mere three days of absence?'

His lips moved with his words over the skin of my throat, making me _feel_ again... I shivered uncontrollably, wanting him… Oh please, just say yes… He was wreaking havoc already. A war waged between my heart and my mind.

_Kiss him… no._

_Touch him… no._

_Love him… not until he's ready to love me._

_Don't let go… but I have to._

He nuzzled his warm nose against the crook of my neck all the same, making my heart start to win the war. I felt his lips, kissing with such gentleness that I cried out. Why was this so _hard_? We both wanted this – _why_ couldn't we just take it?

Terrified of spiralling down into another hole of despair again, I ripped myself away. 'Jesse, _please_,' I was almost crying. 'I can't, until you say – if you love me at all, _don't do this to me._'

At this, he froze mid-step before quickly drawing back. My entire body was screaming for him to keep on touching me. Every nerve tingled and shivered and hummed, mad from the toxic fusion of love, lust and reckless greed. It took everything I had in me to resist, to deny.

'Midnight,' I gasped breathlessly. It was only about five hours away… Surely I could wait?

He shimmered, and left me in the darkness of nightfall.

I was at the beach for another ten minutes of silence. Finally, I got a hold of myself and made my shaky way back to my car. I pulled out of the parking lot, and drove. Anxiety incapacitated me. This was it…_right now_, he was making the biggest decision of my life.

As I was starting to get back into the Carmel residential area, I passed a bus stop. Okay, usually this wouldn't exactly strike me as curious, but when I saw a very recognisable girl standing there crying, I was struck with the urge to pull over.

So pull over I did. I got out of my car and ran over to her.

'…Gemma, right?' I winced, standing in front of her.

Her trademark blond curls were fuzzy and dank. 'Who are you?' she snapped, wiping her eyes madly, smearing mascara across her face.

'Uh, we sort of met a few days ago at the Coffee Clutch,' I shrugged. 'You were with Paul – '

At that word, she screamed. 'GO AWAY!' she exploded, jerking away from me. 'Don't _say that name to me_ – '

Alarmed, I drew a little closer. 'Gemma?' I demanded, trying very hard to keep my voice even, 'Did something happen?'

Obviously it did. The fourteen-year-old started bawling again, holding her arms over her face as a shield from me. 'I don't even KNOW you – who the hell do you – ' She broke off, slumping on the seat of the bus stop. 'I'm such a slut…'

My fists began to ball. Oh my God. I'd been _so_ right.

I sat down next to her, patting her back. 'Oh, Gemma…no you're not.'

Crying madly, she buried her face against my chest. 'He just…seemed so _nice_… and he said –' she hiccupped, 'That I was the…the "h-hottest thing he'd ever s-seen"… and he was cool, too. Older…'

I could feel my nails digging into my skin.

'And he took me back to his – and he…was so _mean _about it,' she moaned woefully. 'I hadn't – you know, and then he called me all these names after – he said I was just a stupid hooker-wannabe…'

My palm trickled the tiniest bit. I'd drawn blood. I was breathing fire…

'But then he –' she cried, long and loud, 'What really hurt the most was when he… I started crying after, and he just laughed and gave me a dollar. Said it was all I'd earned. That I was really _b-bad_…'

I wrapped both of my arms around her, hugging her protectively. 'Oh my God, Gemma…I'm going to kill him.' She just wailed against my shoulder.

'_Mom's going to be so mad at me…'_

Oh my God.

That's it. I was going to get him fucking arrested for this. This was… statutory rape. She was WAY under the age of consent. He was going to pay for this…

My blood was boiling, bubbling, bursting my capillaries and melting my veins so it spilled out all through my body, infecting it with fire and fury and vicious hate. I hated him for what he was doing… That sociopathic son of a bitch was going to get the shit beaten out of him.

I let go of Gemma –

'No!' she screamed, 'Don't go… I don't want to be alone… I already missed the bus four times because I can't go home to mom after what I did – '

'I'm going to make it right,' I pledged, my voice shaking like hell. I unclenched my hand and smoothed it over her face. 'I'm going to make him _sorry_ for what he did to you…'

'B-but you can't,' she whimpered, her eyes stained black from runny make-up. 'You're just a _girl_…'

I stared away coldly.

'Don't worry. Girls can be scary too.'

I got to my car with purpose. I drove with purpose. I dropped Gemma off at her hose with purpose. I even checked my rear view mirror with purpose.

Rage filled me in every fibre of my body. It was enough. Enough Paul harasses me. Enough he's a sociopath. And now... it was enough that he was taking out his sexual insecurities on the freshman class of JSMA. Because even if Gemma had been kind of snotty the other day whilst she flounced Paul in the faces of everyone in vicinity, I couldn't blame her – she was a fourteen year old who thought she'd landed the school stud.

She didn't realise that he'd planned to turn her into the school skank.

She was a freshman, and Paul was a senior. Paul had a car, a fancy new Beemer at that. Paul was as handsome as the devil. And Gemma received her first valuable lesson in life: if you dance with a devil, you're going to get burned.

But that, in _no way, _excused what Paul had done to her.

It was sick what he'd pulled. There was no other way to put it. And plus, I wasn't sure that anyone else at school could stand up to him besides me, so I had to take it upon myself to defend the female population at school. Because, frankly, no one else could.

I looked at the clock...

Nine o'clock.

Creeping back to the front of my mind was my appointment at midnight. Only three hours away. I breathed in and out. Only three hours to find out whether I would be happy for the rest of my life, or if I'd be torn apart, left to wash away in a sea of misery and loss.

My poor brain... My poor body…

I sighed and took some deep clarifying breaths. Between Jesse and Paul, I was worn _thin_. All the stress had drained my dry. I had circles under my eyes from not sleeping. All that had made for a damned short fuse.

One which Paul was going to be on the receiving end of, right now.

I tightened the grip on the steering wheel as I played in my mind all the sins he had committed. Against me. Against Jesse. Against Gemma. Against his little brother. Against everyone he came to contact with. His sick delight had made him spread this depravity, this…utter disrespect for people, like a disease. He infected everyone with it. All those surrounding him suffered.

My knuckles went white.

**"Paul Slater."**

So innocuous a name. Such a _demon_ of an eighteen year old…

Because that was the truth about Paul Slater. He wasn't misunderstood; he wasn't a scared pup using bravado to cover it up; he _certainly_ wasn't just a kid with a bad home life. Because all those things? Yeah, it doesn't explain away the path of pain he'd left. He was arrogant, reckless, and he had the most terrifying God complex I'd ever seen.

I slanted my eyes as I said out loud to myself, 'It's time to take you down a peg, Slater.'

On that note I turned into his driveway and parked my car. I got out, slamming the door behind me. Rage filled my lungs – I was practically _spitting_ fire.

I may have been enraged, but I didn't forget my manners. I buzzed the doorbell hard and long. After what seemed like a millennia, the door was pulled open by a firm, bronze hand.

I don't know what I expected… an orgy going on behind him? Maybe a room of lots of girls tied to tables waiting to be sacrificed to his lust?

What I saw was a bit more pedantic.

He stood in front of me, a pair of crisp black jeans, a white polo shirt...and the moment his pale eyes caught sight of me, a stone-cold glare. Looking hatefully bored, he tightened his lips.

With a cutting blink of his long eyelashes, he rolled his eyes. 'God, I knew you'd show up sooner or later and - '

'And what, Paul?' I spat. 'Yes, I KNOW what you did to that poor girl, you _sick piece of shit.'_

With that, I ploughed my fist into his stomach with the force of a million wronged girls. He staggered back, crashing into the wall behind him. I marched on in, slammed the door, and aimed another swift and slick punch at his jaw. Again, he fell back. Either I was getting good, or he wasn't even _trying_.

He probably knew he deserved it.

I just kept hitting him. I was _so_ _damned angry_. My fists were a blur of hate and revulsion. I smacked him onto the ground, and started kicking him. He eyes were snakes, hissing at me. 'How DARE you,' I chastised with a breaking voice, 'If you ever, EVER do that to a girl again, I'll - '

'What?' he panted, pulling himself up from the floor. 'What will you do? What will you do that you already _haven't_ done?'

I gave him a sneer of disgust. 'You're a pig,' I snarled, kicking him in the stomach. He let out an 'Oomph!' of sudden pain, recoiling. 'For God's sake - '

_'Shut up.' _

I seized his shirt, and yanked him up. With a look of fear - fear that didn't quite convince, making me doubt for a split second... - he took off into his living area where a roaring fire burned menacingly in the fireplace. I caught up with him, still possessed by the rage, the hate, and the fatigue; unable to think straight.

It was just as I was arching back my arm to strike him squarely on that stupid snotty nose of his, that my eyes caught on what was strewn all over the white downy rug before the hearth.

Books.

...Father Dominic's books.

I froze in confusion before awareness claimed me. 'How did - '

But he interrupted me by retaliating my violence, socking me right on the shoulder, before kicking my feet from beneath me. I choked on a shriek and went down.

'Hey, Suze,' Paul's eyes looked like a maniac's...they reflected the reckless dancing of the fire. 'Guess what?'

I tried to get up, but he stepped on my elbow - _'Ah_!'

Paul smiled.

'I've been doing some _reading_...'

My eyes went wide, and my face turned to stone. Twisting my head, I saw to my great horror that the book containing the ritual was right next to me. He'd found it...

He sank down over me, effectively straddling me. I thrashed wildly, but he seized my wrists with an iron grip and forced them into a harsh angle that made me scream. Heat was rushing at me in waves, lapping with deadly continuity against my clammy skin. I sucked in air, still jerking around...

But he had me pinned down.

'Oh keep moving,' he grinned, grinding against me once, 'It feels _really_ _good_...'

I lay dead still, my mind unable to process my horror correctly. What had I done? Oh God...oh, God...

He transferred one of my wrists to his other hand so they were both locked together. That gave him a free hand. He dug it into his back pocket, and retracted his stupid pocket knife again. With his thumb, he flicked it open. I tensed at the glint of the fire's reflection in the metal.

He felt it, and smirked.

'Poor Jesse,' he chuckled with a mockery of sympathy. 'This is really going to kill him…'

'You can't _touch_ him!' I retorted with proud terror. 'There's nothing you can do to hurt him anymore, Paul!'

He gave me a strange look.

'You really are naïve,' he smiled, stroking my face with pity. 'Not all attacks are direct.'

'What?' I snapped. What the HELL was he on about?

His gaze raked me meaningfully. 'I can kill him through_ you…'_

My breath snagged in my throat.

'So,' he cocked his head, regarding me with sinister grace. 'I've done my research on your little ritual, Simon. Quite a complicated ritual it was, too. The blood of a shifter...control of the elements... didn't think you were up for that yet… Then again, I sound have realised that you could handle it. You're just as dark as me, after all...even though you're still clouded by your guilt.'

'Get the hell off of me.' My nostrils flared from anger and fear. My eyes were trained on that blade...

'Admiring my knife?' he sounded pleased. 'Let's give you a closer look then...'

Suddenly, it was against my neck. Half an inch into me, and it'd slice my jugular vein. I could feel the cold metal over my drumming pulse. I twisted my arms violently, trying to free them from his grasp. My heart attacked me from within. I was drowning in the shame of my stupidity.

He dragged the point of the knife up and down my neck. It scratched me, forming a line of buckled, raised skin.

No blood, though.

Yet.

'And so,' he went on, 'I read in that little book that my powers hadn't in fact gone, but had relocated into a vessel. Are _you_ the vessel, Suze?'

I shuddered, staring directly into his eyes. I could only pray that my fear was buried beneath all of the hate. If I kept eye contact, I'd seem confident.

'I'm not going to tell you a thing,' I whispered, appalled at the weakness that strained my words. 'Go to hell.'

He sighed. 'No...it's not you...'

His eyes flickered over me. He even turned around to look at my feet, as if the answer would be there. A hysterical whimper was born in my throat.

_Please don't find that jewel..._

But find it he did. The moment he saw the chain that was hooked over the edge of the knife, he pulled on it, dragging the jewel from beneath the confines of my shirt. I moaned unknowingly, which only confirmed what he'd discovered.

'I'm impressed,' Paul's eyebrows drifted up. 'And also...deeply in awe of your stupidity, Suze. You were arrogant enough to wear it around? To...think that you could protect it from me?'

'That's not it,' I babbled, trying to salvage my awful mistake. 'It's...at home. Under my bed...'

'Liar,' he laughed, staring at the jewel. With the knife, he cut the feeble links of the chain. I flinched as he tore it away from me.

As if bored with me, he rose from his dangerous position over me and walked to the fireplace to examine it in the dark orange light. I scrambled to my knees, going to dive at him -

But then I looked at the open pages of the book he'd stolen from Father Dominic again. Yes, it detailed the ritual, the requirements..._and the words to return his powers._

Suddenly, I realised that he was going to try to make me say them. He could shatter it all he wanted, but they wouldn't go back to him unless it was on my command. Shaking, I moved closer to the book -

WAIT.

My heart jumped. Down the bottom in smaller writing were words that..._that would banish his powers forever._

I gasped, pulling it toward me desperately.

My fingers were trapped between fire and ice. They burned with anger, retribution...but were frozen from the fear. My lungs felt crushed. I could barely breathe.

Paul shrugged, before letting the chain slip from his fingers. It dropped with a tingling noise. He frowned; it had not shattered. Grabbing a poker from the fireplace, he began swinging at it powerfully. After the seventh strike, I heard the fateful smashing of glass.

Without losing a second, the blood red mist within swarmed upwards in a vortex of power. I crawled away, dragging the book onto my lap. The power just cycloned silently, dwelling right in front of Paul but making no effort to return to him.

With terrified excitement, I read the heart-stopping words that would get rid of his stupid powers forever.

**_'"Reverto inconcessus atrum veneficus super silenti etc!"'_** I screamed.

Paul's gaze snapped to me in shock. 'What?' he hissed. '...No! NO!'

But it was too late. The cyclone had started to sink into the ground, going -

...No.

Suddenly, with a sharp twist, the eye rocketed upward and slammed into Paul's chest. He was knocked back against the wall, pinned there by the sheer force. 'What...?' I breathed, perplexed. Why -

It suctioned into his chest. Paul twitched and glowed bright red, writhing silently against the wall. His head was jerked back. The power vortex, with a final vicious spin, pierced him and disappeared beneath his skin...

He crumpled to the ground, in pain. A cold sweat blanketed my entire body. The book slid from my hands.

'No,' I groaned, aghast. 'No, _no, no...'_

He lifted his head. His eyes were alight with acute red light. It penetrated me. I gripped my face in horror. No, no, NO!

'Yes,' he smirked. 'I've gotta say, I was worried you wouldn't be fooled by my handiwork.' My woeful gaze slid down to the page. After his terrible, terrible words, it was startlingly obvious that the paper was that little bit too new, not like the extremely yellow pages of the actual book. The print was slightly bigger than the rest, and the page number was not as close to the edge...

Horror unimaginable enveloped me. My hand clapped to my mouth to stop the long, loud cry of defeat that threatened to break through the confines of my miserable throat.

Paul stood up, his eyes glinting. 'I love a girl who can speak in tongues...'

'No...' I whimpered. His hands closed around my arms heavily, and he dragged me to my feet. I could only shake my head, as if in denial. What had I done? 'You...you swapped the words,' I whispered. 'You made me think that - '

'That you were saving the day?' he mocked. 'Incapacitating the bad guy? Guess what, Suze? The bad guy was always one step ahead of you... why do you think I flaunted that kindergarten tart in front of you? Sure, I didn't think you'd find her so quickly - but I was going to make sure you did. That way, you'd come for a confrontation... I wanted you furious; blind. I knew I couldn't get you here any other way. I stole all the books I could find from the rectory... Then, after finding what you did, it was just a matter of getting you to say those words - '

'You SON OF A BITCH!' I screamed, thrashing against him. 'You TRICKED ME! You - !'

_'Suze_,' he growled, before slamming me against the brickwork near the fireplace. 'What did you expect? For me to not strike back? Do you really know me that little? Or did you just...underestimate me? Just like with coming here...underestimating what I can _do_ to you without my powers?'

I jammed my eyes shut, cursing myself to oblivion. He'd played me so bad... And I didn't expect it, because he hadn't gone through Jesse this time. 'You son of a _bitch_...' I repeated, hating my weakness. The tears were threatening my lids already. I was such a fool…

He laughed darkly. That's when I heard him kick something. Snapping my eyes open, I saw -

'NO!' I tried to explode from my prison against the hot bricks, but he forced himself over me, locking me in place. I gasped sharply in pain - he was being so _rough_. Still thrashing, I managed to twist away from him - but he jumped me, hooking his muscular arm around my neck. We both crashed to our knees. I tried to pry his arm away by clawing my fingers, but he was just too strong. His hot skin was slick against mine from the fire's heat. I gasped for air wretchedly, choking.

'Just to make sure you _never_ pull that stunt again...' he snapped, breathless. I moaned as I saw the flames engulfing the book that could have saved the situation. It charred, and the open pages curled black. Smoke filtered into my nostrils, confirming the defeat.

With a sharp, strangled shout, I was forced against the elaborate white rug, trapped there by a thrilled Paul. He peered down at me with delight. Delight that he'd bested me, delight that he had me – and yes it probably was – _right_ where he wanted me.

_Broken. _

_Beat. _

_Beneath him. _

Both figuratively and literally.

I closed my eyes and tried to find some reserve of power, of energy, ANYTHING that I could use to crush him and steal back the victory.

But there was no magic Eleventh Heart a la Zelda, no extra bottle of potion.

It was over.

And Paul had won.

He smiled wickedly down at me. '...And now Suze... the fun can_ really_ begin. Say... _Jesse_ wouldn't happen to be around anywhere... would he?'


	8. Death of a Soul

_Jesse's gaze was focused on my face and his finger was gently twisting a strand of my hair in his fingers. We were lying on our sides facing each other on my bed. He leaned over and started to kiss me sweetly. My body was in a state of havoc though; he was not close enough for my liking, gosh darn it. 'Jesse...' I teased, trying my best to sound and look all "come hither," like all those magazines call it. _

'_Come closer.' _

_He blushed and got a little stutter-y. 'I already am close to you. Any closer and it would be indecent.'_

_I laughed at this, but Jesse did not budge an inch. 'You're too nice, you know that?' _

_He looked taken aback, and opened his mouth to protest._

'_I am not!' he said vehemently._

'_Yes, you are. If you weren't than you'd be on top of me already.' _

_He furrowed his brow and visibly tensed. 'I don't see how that makes me too nice, just because I'm not some brute trying to – to – to ravish you on your bed.'_

_I took the initiative and budged closer to him and hovered my lips just next to his. 'Sure it does. Sometimes being bad is fun,' I said trying to entice him. His exhaled shakily. Oh yeah, I was that close to him. _

'_Maybe it couldn't hurt...just a little bad though, right?'_

'_Just a little...' I closed the space between us and kissed him, pulling my body as close to him as I could. I found his hand and guided it slowly up to my chest above my shirt where I placed it and held it. For a few heart pounding seconds he rested it there, but it was over in a little more than a heartbeat and he was off the bed in a New York Minute._

'_See?' I said, slightly exasperated but trying to hide it the best I could. 'Too nice.' He knelt down on the floor and met my gaze._

'_Ah querida… one day you may not think the way you do now.' He leaned over and kissed me softly and quickly. 'You may realize that being nice isn't half as bad as you think. Or, that being bad isn't as wonderful as it may seem, either...'_

_I smiled and laughed, knowing the whole thing was silly. 'Right. Tell that to my hormones.' I sat up and reached for his hand. Holding it gently, I traced my finger over a rough calloused finger and said, 'Maybe…but you really are too nice.' I smirked up at him. He laughed and in a moment he was back on the bed, tickling me fiercely. _

'_Take it back,' he ordered, laughing as well._

'_Never!' I cried to him. He kept at it for a little while longer, our laughers drowning out all other thoughts and sounds..._

**- F&I -**

I freaked out.

The minute he mentioned Jesse, my world spun violently, tipped off the axis and smashed like a glass globe. Before, it was just me that he was threatening to hurt... I was the only one that was in danger of suffering, after my wannabe-hero act of stupidity.

But Jesse... I had forgotten Paul's potential to crush him.

'NO!' I screamed shrilly. I twisted my wrist madly, broke it free from his long fingers - yes... - and threw a hard, closed fist at his jaw. His head cracked to the side, and I swiped up the opportunity to escape in his momentary weakness. Jerking him off of me, I crawled back swiftly and ran for it.

His house was a blur of dark blue, pale reflections and closed doors. I couldn't seem to remember where the front door was... I stopped suddenly, trying to figure out which way to run now -

'Suze...'

My heart was devouring the rest of my internal organs. I clutched my hand to my mouth, trying to clear my head. Oh God, oh God...how did this all go so wrong? If he did something to Jesse, I'd never forgive myself. What if he did that thing he did to Amber? And Jesse literally exploded into a swarm of blood dust right in front of me? Oh my God... I had to get OUT of here and WARN him -

The door.

I launched my entire body in that direction. I couldn't even feel my legs - they were numb from him being astride them. The door...once I was out that door, I'd be -

Paul suddenly materialised right in front of it.

I screamed horrendously, seizing the wall to stop myself from running into him. He just chuckled darkly, amused by this game. His eyes, icy and shadowed, shimmered. He was the cat, and I was the mouse. The prey...

No. No I wasn't.

I was just the bait for the real prey.

Twisting around, I took off in the other direction, tearing up the stairs. I could hear him, laughing at me... calling my name.

My fingers were so cold. Once my feet and flown up the flight, I ripped my head from left to right, trying to decide which way to run. A pathetic whimper spilt from my lips. I chose left, pressing myself against the wall to steady myself first - his footsteps were loud and horribly quick up the stairs, oh God...

I pitched myself through the only open door - God damn it, HIS room - and made to hide somewhere bleedingly obvious, but he'd caught me. I realised this when two rough hands closed tightly around my wrists, yanking me back so I was against his chest.

I felt his lips near my ear.

'Got you,' he hissed.

'Paul,' I entreated, tensing in my efforts to rip away from him, but he wasn't loosening his fingers again any time soon. I could hear him breathing in deeply. 'Please - '

'I can feel your heart beating,' he said. 'It's so fast...'

'...Don't - '

'Faster than it was before, anyway.'

'Just let me g - '

'Just sped up, you know? Ever since I mentioned _him_...'

My head limply fell back against his neck in defeat. The malice in his last word was as stark as blood on white sheets.

'You're more scared for him than you are for yourself,' he went on, a definite element of disgust entering his voice. 'Am I right?'

I writhed against him again, trying to make him let go...

He took my silence for affirmation. 'God, that's just...sad.'

It was then that I felt his fingers form looser circles around my wrists. I thought this was another chance to break away, but suddenly, a searing pain enclosed where his hands were, forming a ring of burning. I shouted unexpectedly. When I stopped, he stepped back.

Trying to move my wrists apart was useless, as I found out. There were now two neat, connected rings surrounding my wrists, holding them behind me relentlessly.

I realised what he'd done. The true impact of him getting back his shifter powers hit me hard. He'd just created…like…_handcuffs_ or something. Out of _nothing_. I couldn't breathe. 'Paul, this is REALLY STUPID,' I ranted, terrified. 'You're being - '

I was shoved violently against his closed door. My hands were crushed from the force, and I gasped.

His eyes were right above mine. Amused, delighted, with flecks of anger... 'You were the one that threw fairness to the wind, Suze. Stripping me of my powers...that crossed the line. Now, all's fair in love and war. Anything goes...'

'I swear to God,' I spat, my voice shaking all over the place, 'If you do anything to him, I'll - '

He rolled his eyes. 'Suze, if there's anyone in immediate danger here, it's you. That's what you're not getting. Even without my powers...I could overpower in a heartbeat…' With that, he slid two hot hands beneath my shirt, smoothing them up to my shoulder blades beneath the thin strap of my bra. I shivered. Worse still, his lips assailed the taut skin over my neck. I screwed up my face.

'STOP IT...'

I felt _sick_... hot, and cold, and sick to my stomach...

'No,' he moved his mouth away. His word was completely unrelated to my request, however - he was just thinking out loud. 'I reckon a little more intrusion is called for...'

And oh my God, his fingers sank down the front of my jeans.

I am not even kidding.

I went to scream - for help, for anything - but his free hand clapped over my mouth. I tried so hard to pull my wrists from their bonds, but it felt like I was going to take skin off if I kept it up. I could feel his...palm...there...over fabric, but still very present.

My stomach clenched in nausea. He was violating me.

I whimpered, twisting in hopes of getting him off of me. I couldn't just stay still and...let it happen -

'Call him here,' Paul said huskily, lips moist against my forehead. He kissed my temple, breathing in deeply as if to smell my hair. 'Call him, Suze... tell the cowboy to come and save the poor, pathetic damsel...'

'MMMM...'

He stared intensely. 'Call him.'

'NMM!'

'No?'

I glared. I hated him so fucking much.

He sighed. His hand moved deeper. I cried... 'I'll have to do it the hard way.'

He ripped his hands out of my jeans and stalked away from me so quickly I fell down and landed on my backside, whimpering. I tried so hard to fight the onslaught of tears.

He almost...he might try to again...

I shook with fear. And now... now he was going to get Jesse here, and do God knows what with him.

How could I have been so stupid? How? To come here, to fall into his trap? How could I have been so arrogant as to think I could handle him? Powers or not? I guess I forgot that, even without his ability to supernaturally make my life a living hell… he was still a man with an obsession. He could still hurt me…

And in doing so, he'd hurt Jesse.

Oh my GOD…this was SO BAD –

Suze. _Calm_.

Get a grip on yourself. You're not going to be any good if you are a blubbering fool.

Jesse.

Oh God... _Jesse_...

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. I was trying to think and I involuntarily looked at the clock.

He was waiting for me. Down at the beach. To hear his answer... I'd completely forgotten…

I swallowed my thoughts and tried to concentrate on the situation at hand. Paul was at full strength and he had all the advantages: full shifter power, knowledge of how to use said power, and this was his home.

I saw him lighting candles and placing them in a large circle. I was on the floor, shaking in shock, yet transfixed from what he was doing.

'I'll– I'll never call him here. _Never_. I won't – won't let you hurt him. Over my dead body,' I said, trying to keep the quivering of my voice at a minimum, but it appeared to be a fruitless endeavour.

'Amusing... considering he is a corpse himself,' Paul snorted. He went to his dresser and pulled a box of Morton's Salt and started to pour it around the circle of candles.

'You see Suze, if you had paid more attention to me at our lessons instead of rebuffing me at every course, you might know a thing or two. Calling a spirit isn't that hard. Sure, it would have been easier if you had done it, being so awfully chummy with him and all, but it doesn't make much of a difference.'

I stuck my chin out defiantly, 'You don't have a picture, dumbass. You need an image of him to call him here.' I sucked my breath in triumphantly. I had done enough exorcisms in my time to know _that_.

He laughed. 'Oh Suzie Q... only rank amateurs need a _picture._'

I went to defend my pride at this accusation, but he'd already turned is attention away from me, towards his circle. All the candles were lit, and the flickering cast a rippling shadow over Paul. He looked truly evil. I'd always though of Paul as a dickhead – manipulative, sociopathic, arrogant, rude… but not to this extent. What he did to that little girl had crossed any line of morality. I doubted that there was any struggling essence of goodness beneath his surface.

And now I was going to get a deadly flare of this blossoming evil, first hand.

I bit my lip, twisting my clenched hands in any effort to slide them from the rings binding me, but they were too small.

I couldn't believe that I'd not only been this stupid, but I'd been subdued so _easily_. Not just the physical side of things – he'd played me. He'd _counted _on me trying to stop him, and he'd predicted every move I'd make. How could I have not realised that he'd do something like that? I knew how calculated he could be…what was WRONG with me? Why had I just barged into his – obviously _empty_ – house, like a fool?

A fool with a death wish.

Or at least, one who was going to be suddenly single, very soon…

And there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. My arms were bound; I had no knowledge of all this shifter stuff… and he was going to force me to watch the love of my life be tortured with all the tricks he'd been building up for this moment…

Paul spoke words in a language I didn't recognise, and a wind blew through the room, causing the candles to flicker. I sniffed and sat up straighter, twisting my head around. I could literally feel the block in my head, keeping all my thoughts far away from Jesse. If he even suspected that I was hurt, he'd…

God, please Jesse…resist that summoning…don't come, don't come here…he's going to –

But, something akin to lightning shattered in the darkness, before ending quickly. And in the middle of the circle of tiny-flamed candles and salt…

'Jesse!' I screamed, 'Get the hell out of here!'

'Susannah?'

His voice floated through the darkness like smoke, cloaked with deep confusion and a flicker of concern. 'I didn't mean to intrude… I don't know how I came to be – '

That's when the fire burning the wicks of the candles flared back to normal size, bringing Paul's face back into view. My heart rocketed within, and sweat began swarming across my skin. Oh my God…

Jesse squinted and saw me in the corner. His eyes widened. ' Susannah!' he gasped, '_Nombres de Dios - _are you hurt?' He went to move toward me hurriedly, but stopped when Paul strolled in front of him, smirking.

'Oh, don't worry,' he drawled, his arms crossed over his chest. 'She's not hurt, are you Suze?'

'Jesse, get OUT of here, NOW!' I stumbled to my knees, hands still held captive behind me. 'Paul, this is between _you_ and _me_ – '

I knew very well that Jesse wasn't going to go, though. I mean, he had huge issues with leaving girls to the mercy of evil guys. So despite how savagely I shouted at him to get gone, he wouldn't go.

But as I quickly found out, it wasn't exactly as if he could.

'Slater,' Jesse snarled, piss and vinegar on his tongue. His face was suddenly ashen, and I'd never seen his eyes look so torn between fear and rage. It made everything plunge even further into reality. 'If you touched her, so _help_ _me God_, I'll – '

But I never found out what he'd do, because Jesse's fist could take being stationary anymore. It pulled back rapidly, and aimed to make contact with Paul's smirking face.

Only…it didn't.

In fact, it was _Jesse_ who fell back in pain, not Paul. Because what Paul had built with the candles and the salt wasn't just a summoning circle.

It was a cage.

The moment Jesse's fist had swung up to strike, the flames from all the candles flared up wildly as if in ropes, and each snagged one of Jesse's limbs – his ankles, wrists, throat, waist… making him roar in pain. He was pulled back to the ground with extreme force. A slew of nonsensicals poured from his lips as the flames died in wisps of orange, returning to their normal positions above the candle wicks.

'Oh my God,' I breathed, rigid with fear.

Paul's head ripped around to face me. His eyes flashed with animalistic fervour, leading me to realise that anything that everything he did tonight, he was going to relish.

Jesse crawled to his knees and stared wildly from the candle flames, to me. He was trapped.

'Susannah – ' his voice strained and wavering. '_Run_.'

'I'm _not leaving y –_'

'Oh, she couldn't do that,' Paul snorted. 'What kind of a hero would she be then? That's my Suze, you see… always trying to do the right thing.' He stalked towards me. I staggered backward, but only ended up flattening myself against the wall which inhibited me from putting more distance between us. 'Always trying to fight what she was born to do. Shifters are like fire, Suze,' he shook his head at me. 'We were created to burn... And yet you're trying to act like water, rushing in and putting out the fire. But there's not enough to stop yourself, Suze.' He was right in front of me now.

'Get away from her!'

'There's a fire inside of you too, craving to scald; to scorch – to char until nothing is left. We can't fight it…I don't want to. You shouldn't want to either…' his hand slid down the side of my damp face. 'Because this fire feels _so good…_'

I narrowed my eyes.

'_Fuck_ your fire,' I spat.

He just smiled, predicting my reaction once again. Still baring his teeth, his hand whipped from his side to my shoulder, spinning me around so fast my head hummed from dizziness. I tripped slightly, but he seized the rings around my wrists and dragged me over so we were both in front of Jesse.

'Don't _touch_ me – ' I shrilled, kicking at him, but he kept jerking me from behind so my aim never struck true.

'Can't say I didn't try,' Paul snapped. 'You see, prices need to be paid for that little stunt you pulled. And don't worry about the priest – I've got something nice in store for his participation, too – '

'No!' Jesse was panicking. He knew as well as I did that this wasn't going to end well. With this in mind, I began _really_ flipping out.

Becoming conscious of the fact that I wasn't going to take any of this without a fight, Paul's arm suddenly shot around my neck, jerking my neck back. I would have gasped, but no air could get out.

'So,' Paul's voice was low and pensive as he leaned toward Jesse. 'This is something I've been wanting to do for a _long time_ now... You know, to prove to Suze exact how pathetic ghosts really are. Because seriously, what are you? You're a bit of a dead thing, stuck on a plane you don't _belong_, polluting the living and contaminating _everything_ with your sorry excuse of an existence. You're mooching of a sixteen-year-old, red-blooded _girl_, for Christ sake!' Paul sneered, releasing me from the head-lock. 'And what am I, Jesse?'

'There isn't an English translation for what _you_ are,' Jesse growled.

He ignored him. 'I'm a shifter. I was born into power that you couldn't even imagine. I can control anything I want. I can _have_ anything I want. And as for ghosts… there are a thousand ways to kill you where you stand, de Silva…'

These words served to distress me only a LOT.

'And I know, I know,' Paul added chattily, 'you can't kill someone who's already dead, right? Well, trust me when I say…the things I could do to you? Death is far kinder.'

Jesse's nostrils flared. 'All I ask is that you let her go…' he said gravely. 'I don't care what happens then…'

'Don't be a self-sacrificial freak!' I snapped at Jesse. 'Paul, if you don't quit being a little shit RIGHT now – '

Paul groaned loudly, tossing his head. 'You don't get it, do you? _You_ don't threaten me, Suze. You've been one up on me for far too long, now. You think you're so good, so righteous... so committed to your ghost, so innocent... so above me and what I teach. It's time to bring you down to my level for a change. And you, de Silva,' venom filled his voice once more, 'It's time to destroy your sorry ass.'

I was suddenly on the ground. It took a moment to realise I'd been thrown there – my head had connected with the ground too hard for its liking.

'All people are different,' Paul suddenly had a deadly energy about him. He was immersed in a real passion to cause pain. 'Everyone has their weaknesses. Like fear of drowning, or of commitment, or just pain. Some just can't handle it – '

With that, Paul jutted out an arm, hissed a few foreign words once more, and slowly closed his long, strained fingers…

And I watched in horror as Jesse's kind face twisted and scowled in excruciating pain.

My heart leapt and a wave of fear and sympathy washed throughout me as I saw my poor love in sheer abject pain. 'NO!' I yelled, dismayed. 'STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTING HIM!' I struggled against my restraints. Surprised I had any energy left in me at all, I stumbled up and tried to rush over to try and stop it all.

Jesse had collapsed on the floor and clutched at his chest, gasping and writhing in agony.

Paul was crushing his heart…

All Paul could do was laugh. Like this was seriously funny. He found the sight of my boyfriend twisting sharply on the ground humorous. And gratifying. It might as well have been me he was doing it to- my poor heart was crushing just like Jesse's.

I managed to kick my legs over to Paul's, knocking him to the ground. To my relief it broke his concentration, whatever perverted power Paul had used over Jesse ending with it.

Once Paul was on the ground, I wriggled closer to him and aimed a brutal kick anywhere I could reach. There was a harsh grunt, and then his hand smacked over my ankle, restricted, and dragged me quickly across the floor so he was leaning right over me, hands pressing heavily on my shoulders so I couldn't get up. My own hands were painfully being crushed beneath me.

At least he wasn't hurting Jesse...

Paul's eyes were still amused, but now irritation was starting to make its cameo.

Even in the aftermath of his assault, Jesse crawled to his hands and knees, and panted, 'Get...away from...her...'

'Now Jesse,' he said with some bitterness, not addressing me in the slightest, 'I think I've got you sussed. You see, I reckon that to hurt you most, I'd need to attack your pride... I can only think of two ways to do that, though. First,' he said, lifting one hand off of my shoulders - I struggled, but he just pressed harder with the other hand - 'It's gotta be killing you that I can do all these things to you, and you can't do a thing to stop me.'

Paul slashed his fingers swiftly through the air. It took me a moment to realise that this action induced a long, deep gash across Jesse's stomach. Blood began staining his shirt...

'You freaking PSYCHO,' I screamed, trying to bring my knees up in retaliation, but he was sitting over me in such a way that this wasn't possible.

Jesse spluttered, and a trickle of blood ran from the corner of his mouth. He hung his head, wheezing. Then he looked back up to Paul with poison-tipped dagger eyes.

'Calm down, Suze,' Paul stroked my face in what could have been affection. He smiled. 'Jesse's dead. None of this will last.'

As he said that, the blood on Jesse's stomach disappeared. He was still in some pain though.

I shuddered.

'So you see my problem,' Paul sighed.

Jesse tried once again to get out of the circle of candles, but just as before, the flames coiled around him and slammed him against the ground. He coughed violently. 'Slater, let her leave... You care for her too much to hurt her...'

Paul grinned wryly. 'Oh, no. Sorry de Silva, but Suze here is imperative to the next phase of killing your pride.'

WHAT?

'FOR GOD'S SAKE, PAUL,' I was freaking out. I know I was... But I had just seen my boyfriend get sliced across his middle. So exCUSE me. 'THIS IS SO NOT FUNNY. I don't know what kind of POWER TRIP you're on, or what the HELL you're getting out of this, you sicko, but it ENDS NOW. Okay? You're made your point! Just let him go! We don't steal your powers again, whatever! This has gone FAR ENOUGH - '

Paul just sniggered, so I did the only thing that seemed sensible at the time.

I jerked up my upper body, and cracked my forehead into his.

'Shit!' he groaned, falling back.

A wave of dizziness ravaged my mind... I rolled onto my side, trying to move towards the candles to knock one over in an attempt to break the circle, but that was when Paul said something else in a funky language.

_'Immobilus_.'

Mid-roll, my whole body suddenly seized up. All my muscles tensed horribly, causing an involuntary squeal to escape my throat. My very blood seemed to slow until it came to barely a crawl, chilling my body and rendering me completely incapable of moving. My eyes widened - one of the few movements I could still control - and I gasped with only half formed words, '...What did you do to me?'

Not bothering to answer, Paul moved over, crouched over me and slid his arms beneath my knees and back respectively. I was deadweight, but this didn't seem to affect him.

Jesse looked devastated...

'And the second way of course to really kill you, is to show you how completely incapable you are of protecting the poor souls that you burdened with your disgusting love,' Paul said, sneering. He repositioned me so I was upright, holding me there with one of his arms and letting my head loll back against his neck. I could feel his heat drenching me... my heart couldn't even beat fast enough to betray my fear. I was paralysed all over.

'I can do anything,' Paul's voice was low, husky against my hair. His other hand slid over my chest. I whimpered, scared to death... I felt him continue to touch me, sliding down to my stomach, before dipping beneath the fabric of my shirt just to show he could. I felt his fingers, hot and intrusive...they made me shiver.

Jesse released a wounded moan. The fury in his eyes was dying, having clashed with the entering misery.

'Susannah,' he whispered. 'Slater, please...don't do this...'

'But I can,' Paul replied simply. 'And guess what, ghost? There is nothing you can do to protect her. I can touch her... I can hurt her...'

Upon these words, he seized one of my arms and twisted it at a terrible angle behind my back. My yelp of pain was inhibited by whatever Paul had done to my body - to compensate for this lack of communication, a huge beady tear slid from my eyes.

Jesse was lost. 'Stop it!' he begged.

Paul ignored him, suddenly preoccupied with me. He moved me again, holding me in front of him. His hand slid to my hair, tipping my head back.

Then he was kissing me.

Even if I could have possibly responded, I wouldn't have. I winced slightly - the only thing in my current capability - and moaned in protest. He invaded my mouth out of spite and lust, nothing else - and I could feel this from how he was kissing me. There was nothing gentle or fair about it. He knew the situation, and kissed me only to show that he could and Jesse couldn't any longer. This was about power.

Of which I had none.

Breaking away from my lips abruptly, Paul leant my limp form against him as he started sliding off my shirt. I quivered to no end. The fire from the candles made the room unbearably hot. My skin was slick with fear. 'No...' I whined as he lifted up my arms.

Once my shirt was off, Paul's lips sank down to my neck. He pulled me tighter into him. His hands were hurting me. Again, Jesse tried to escape the fiery prison, but to no avail.

'Had her yet?' Paul demanded of Jesse crudely.

I sucked in sharply.

Paul interpreted correctly. 'No,' he chuckled with sinister grace. 'Oh, good...'

More tears slid silently from my flushed face. Paul's skin was scorching against mine. I felt like I would pass out...everything was so damned heavy.

_'Querida_,' Jesse said in a strangled voice. I was his _querida_ again... 'Don't worry. Don't cry... I'll - '

'There's nothing you CAN do!' Paul said angrily, letting go of me unintentionally. Apparently, he'd forgotten what he'd done to me. I crumpled messily to the ground, landing awkwardly in a position I couldn't change.

'Mark me, Slater, I _will_ - '

'Haven't you understood? I own you, de Silva. I own anyone with a weakness as debilitating as yours. I was born owning you, born with the power to rule over you. Normally, I'd just destroy a ghost and be done with it, but you...you've offended me. And you took what should have been mine. Suze belongs to the living. To me, not _you_. Especially not a nineteenth century eunuch who doesn't even _use_ her!'

I could feel his anger building up. It poured over me like tangible heat. My vision wavered dangerously. I couldn't stop shaking...

Paul turned away from Jesse, furious. This had started off just as sick experimentation, calculated attack...now he was letting anger rule him.

'You know nothing of love,' Jesse spat at him. 'You want Susannah... but she wants nothing to do with you. You cannot stand this. You cannot stand to lose, so you literally had to restrain me to beat me, Slater - '

_'Shut up._'

He shot a glare at Jesse, and, with eyes the colour of glowing blood, he did something to Jesse that made him suddenly roar in pain. I tensed in fear. 'Jesse...' I breathed weakly.

'You just don't _shut up, do you_?' Paul shouted wildly. 'You don't know anything, ghost. You don't belong here, or with her, or in _existence_. So I think it's time for you to just LEAVE.'

A sick crack ruptured the already shattering room - Jesse's shouts reached their terrible climax, and a howling tore though my head. I sucked in my breath and held it. I wasn't facing Jesse, so I couldn't understand what was happening. This frightened me to no end. I wanted to do something...I needed to help him stop yelling like that... I could feel that pain -

Suddenly, silence descended over the room.

...The dread that followed made me want to die.

Because I knew.

Jesse was gone.

He was gone...

Paul had -

...Oh my God.

The minute Jesse's presence had been eliminated from the room, Paul's anger vanished. He was still breathing hard, but now he seemed just...excited. High on the rush of victory.

'Alone at last,' his voice dripped with arrogant triumph. With a soft wave of his hand, I suddenly had all of my bodily functions again. I sat up slowly, unable to take my eyes off of the shockingly empty circle of candles.

He wasn't there. He wasn't anyway.

'Where'd he go...?' my question slid out through barely parted, shaking lips.

'Away.'

My eyes widened even further. I couldn't blink. I couldn't even breathe. All I could feel was the sudden explosive pain in my heart. It wasn't breaking of it's own accord...Paul had destroyed it.

He may as well not have released me from the paralysis, because I still couldn't move.

Paul.

Paul had sent him...

Away.

My shell-shocked exterior, up until that point, had been riddled with cracks. With a forceful upsurge of reality, I cracked.

I'd stormed him before he could have drawn breath. I'd never punched and kicked so hard, so fast, so wildly, in my entire life. Fragments of my heart were sliding into non-existence at every blow. I couldn't see or think. All I could do was blame. And hurt.

Paul tried to seize my wrists, but my anger was a manifesting thing. It was bursting out of me. The rush of emotion was so powerful, so hot, so deadly, I almost cried out. My fingers ached to inflict, to avenge, to..._kill_.

'WHERE _IS_ HE?' I screamed, my voice soaring above all comprehendible sound. 'WHAT DID YOU _DO TO HIM_, PAUL?'

My fingers were at his throat. Rage and horror had banded together inside of me. There was power there. I'd untapped a load of serious power. It was igniting all over my body, and I couldn't control it. It screamed though me. Paul couldn't fight me off this time –

But then he retaliated with some of his own power, blasting me off of him. I hit the wall violently, collapsing to the floor. My own power fizzled out as if he'd thrown water onto my flame. Now, all that was left of me was tears.

_'No_...' I cried. 'Bring him _back_...'

I can't live without him...

Paul, looking impressed, sank to his knees in front of me. He stared at me with fierce blue eyes, regarding me thoughtfully.

'I have another deal for you, Suze...'

I curled my fingers in front of my mouth, my wide-eyed gaze riveted on him. Swallowing acid, I tried to stop myself from shaking. He could feel it. He was smiling.

One of his fingers traced lazily down the side of my face. He was closer, now. Eyes so cold…yet so full of fire. His gaze flickered from my face, downwards. He drew a breath, and smiled again…

'I'll…do the shifting lessons again,' I said quickly. 'I swear, I won't walk out this time. I'll come more often if I have to – ' Breaking from my string of hasty promises, I choked back a threatening sob. 'Just _please_…bring him back…'

'Actually,' Paul's voice was so quiet that, even though he was three inches from my face, I had to strain to hear, 'Shifting lessons hadn't even entered into my mind. I had my sights set on…something else.'

I blinked, shaking. His finger moved from my face, tracing down the line of my neck. My eyes fell, and I shivered.

'I…I don't know what you mean.'

I felt his fingers teasing the thin strap of my bra, edging it off of my shoulder ever so slowly.

He whispered against my forehead, 'Oh, I think you do, Suze.'

The sensations from his fingers were chilling... scary. I remembered in the back of my mind wishing Jesse would do this to me, now keenly aware of how deeply horrifying anyone else touching me like this was. With Jesse, the physical aspect of our relationship always felt in balance; I had a sense of control. With Jesse I knew that if I ever said no to him, he would stop. As much as I fantasized him grabbing me and loving me passionately, I always knew that I had the power to stop him. But Paul was a different creature. With Paul, no didn't mean no. Paul couldn't rationalize a woman saying no to him.

I shook my head, even though I knew exactly what he meant. It was what he'd wanted ever since the summer we'd met. He hadn't stopped wanting it in all this time…

'The deal is this, Suze,' he said flatly, speaking in a normal voice once more but not exactly stopping his hand gliding down my side. Not to mention his other hand, which had come to my other shoulder and was now skimming over that strap. Though his hand was warm, it did nothing but chill me to the core. 'Jesse isn't gone completely. I've just…trapped him somewhere. He can't get out.' His forefinger ran icily down my collar bone. I swallowed deeply. 'While there's no immediate danger to him, the longer he stays there, the more he suffers. This…place, it's a plane of forgetting. Slowly, painfully, it siphons the essence of the dead until they just fade from existence. I chose this place especially for him,' Paul smirked. 'Puts a nice time limit on this all, I reckon.'

'Okay, I know what's at stake,' I replied hatefully. He scared me so deeply I could barely breathe. 'What are…' My throat was so dry. '…Tell me the terms.'

'The terms,' Paul moved even closer to me, both hands smoothing over my bare shoulders. The straps of my bra hand limply over my arms. I couldn't look him in the eye. I couldn't feel anything…only impending shame. How strange is that? Shame, embarrassment. They were there just as heavily as the fear was. I was so scared of what his next words would be…

'Well, I think they're pretty obvious.'

'Be clearer.'

He laughed softly; darkly. He was enjoying this.

'I can do _whatever_ I want with you…' he stated lasciviously.

He deftly unhooked the front of my bra. It fell into my lap, and I ground my knuckle against my gritted teeth.

I couldn't stop shaking…

'Of course,' he went on, running his fingers softly down the crest of my now bare breasts. My skin singed. This wasn't right. Only Jesse had the right to touch me like this. He shuddered deeply, closing his eyes, smirking. 'That's pretty broad. So to be clear, you have to – '

'No…'

Somehow, I couldn't stand him to say those awful words. He misinterpreted my word for rejection, though.

'No?' he demanded. His fingers left my flesh and he balled his hands into fists in anger. With his hands now gone from my body I instinctively reached my arm up to cover myself, trying to hide the shame of being in front of a man I despised this way.

'I – I didn't mean that,' I said quickly. 'Just…don't say it.'

He stared at me curiously. 'Do you accept?'

No.

Don't.

He can't…_do_ this...

But some horribly deep, chillingly intuitive part of me knew that even if I denied him, something bad was going to happen to me whether I liked it or not. The way he was touching me…the blazing heat in his eyes…

He wouldn't hear the word "no" from me tonight. A silent tear ebbed from my eye… But Jesse…

And…maybe while…maybe I'd buy time to find a way to save Jesse...

Could I really justify this? I didn't want to… I didn't want this to be happening… I wanted to be in my room, hearing Jesse's answer as to where our relationship was going to go. I loved him so much…

And now because of my _stupidity_, I'd got him trapped in some hellish plane.

And to save him from _that_, I had to agree to a deal that no girl should have had to accept.

My lips were shaking. I pressed my entire fist against my mouth, trying to hide them. He was going to make me decide now.

'If I say no,' my words were stifled by the diseasing fear, 'What – '

'I'll bring him back,' Paul said swiftly, with coldness. My breath caught in my throat for a moment. This didn't exactly sound _bad_ – 'And this time, I won't just send him away. I'll tear him apart, Suze. And I'll make you watch.'

I jammed my eyes shut, and two fresh tears trickled down my cheeks.

'I _hate_ you.'

'No you don't,' he assured me. 'You hate what I'm doing, not me. Hate the sin and not the sinner. Someday… you may even love me, the way I do you.'

I didn't even bother trying to prove my hatred. Or explain to him that he didn't love me, not really, and that after what he did today I could _never_ love him. That he could rescue a bunch of kids from a burning building tomorrow and still because of this day never give him anything more than all my disdain. But he wouldn't listen. He was too egotistical to care about any words that conflicted with what he wanted to believe.

How could I do this? How? Even if a miracle happened and he let Jesse go… how could I go back to him after this? After letting Paul do… things to me. I closed my eyes breathing hard. Trying to decide. I knew that no matter what my choice here was, I'd never be the same again. I could never go back.

Because even if I did all that Paul asked of me and Jesse DID come back to me- which there wasn't even a guarantee of- how could he ever care for me the same? Knowing what I did. But on the other hand… I couldn't sentence my love, the ONLY guy I could ever really and truly love, to a fate worse than death.

Paul had the power to destroy his soul. I don't care what anyone thinks, _that _is truly worse than death. Because in destroying a soul… it's killing everything that made Jesse… well, Jesse. His very essence.

I couldn't even sentence Paul to that fate. How could I ever let _anyone _go through that, let alone the guy I loved?

And that's when I knew.

Even if Jesse would despise me for it, (which surely he would, because I knew Jesse, and he would _never_ want me to do this – not even if his very soul – which it was – was at stake) I knew I had to. Because that's what love is. It's not all holding hands and passionate kisses and all that. It's doing what's best for them – even if it means sacrificing yourself to do it.

I knew I had to do this, despite knowing I could kiss "forgiveness" goodbye. I could _never_ sentence Jesse to the whim of Paul Slater.

I felt so cold…

Parting my stinging lids once more, I glared at him heavily.

'Okay,' I surrendered, feeling like I just sold my soul to the devil. And in a way, I guess I did. Because if I know my literature (which of course one tends to learn when working in a place like STAB,) I knew that no deal with the devil is without great personal downfall.

I may have been saving Jesse's soul physically, but I knew that this was going to kill my soul on a totally different level.

Oh yes, Paul Slater had the power to destroy a soul. In more ways than I think he understood.

'Accept?'

_No_!

'...Yes.'

The moment I gave my consent, something in his eyes changed. They went from that dark hope, to a sudden fierce triumph. The corner of his mouth curled upward disturbingly, and his hold on my arms just got…hotter.

Without losing any time, he dragged me to my feet, possessed. His dark eyes belonged to someone else. He glanced down over me and his grin widened.

'Paul – ' I said warningly, backing away from him. 'Not…I can't – '

Oh God… Now? No…

He didn't care. With strong hands, he shoved me backward so I stumbled, landing messily on the edge of his bed. It wasn't violence on his part, just…urgency. I yelped, jolted from the sudden movement. Before I could tell him that I couldn't do this now, that I was scared, shaken, that I needed time… oh god, I needed _time_, he climbed over me with anticipation that I mistook for aggression.

'Shhh…'

His lips were on my neck, sucking and kissing there, his teeth dragging against the skin.

_No, no, no…_

His fingers touched my chest with reverence and passion. My body temperature soared from the panic. I twisted my face away from him, not wanting to kiss him. This unintentionally gave him further access to the vulnerable skin of my throat. He shuddered over me, whispering private words of awe; how soft my skin was, how he just couldn't wait to –

This was too fast.

I'd _just_ lost Jesse. And now I'd sold my soul. I'd agreed to do God knows what just to get him back.

But I couldn't do this. He wanted – I couldn't do that. I _wouldn't_.

Paul trailed his fingers lingeringly up my sides, and I felt sick inside. Filled with humiliation and dread. I'd PUT myself in this position. His lips still on my flesh his hand moved down to his pants quickly undoing his belt.

Oh God…

'H-how long have you been planning all this?' I winced, feeling his stifling body shift over mine. This was all really going to happen. No smart answer would get me out of this, no quick punch to the gut or pulling of neck hairs was going to get him off of me.

I was burning… The panic inside of me was swelling, infecting, afflicting, scarring – I needed to run; run far and fast. I couldn't go through with this…no matter what happened to him, he'd _never_ want me to submit to Paul Slater.

…But I couldn't watch him break Jesse right in front of me… I could sooner give into Paul than see that. My soul would die slower this way.

'Ever since you stole my powers,' Paul breathed heavily, between quick, feverish kisses. I hated him… 'I'm meticulous that way.'

I shook terribly and cringed, desperately racking my brain to think of a way to get Jesse back to me, Paul off of me, for everything to go back to the way is used to be.

And soon his hand was down over my pants, desperately trying to fiddle the zipper down.

'Oh God…' I sighed, both in reaction to what he was forcing me to feel, and in hatred once again of my eternal _stupidity_. Never would I forgive myself. I wouldn't let Jesse forgive me, either. If I just knew what Paul was when I first met him, maybe there would have been something to prevent him from even glancing my way. The worst of it all was, was that Jesse was the one that had to suffer for this. For my rampant stupidity.

Poor, kind, Jesse…who's only crime according to Paul, was loving me. As a ghost.

How I wished he had never done so if this were to be his fate because of it.

I controlled the urge to cry again, but only just.

Paul pulled away, and looked down at me with a burning gaze. I shifted uncomfortably beneath him.

'Stop shaking,' he sighed.

'I can't…'

He looked down at my chest. At first I thought it was just to eye me, but then I saw he was watching the erratic rising and falling; the irregularity of my breaths.

Why couldn't I keep from shaking so much? The thought of what Paul might do to keep me from shaking just caused me to panic more… He had power. Power to get me to be still. I didn't know if that would make it even worse… being paralysed like that while he…

'Why are you scared?' he asked. 'I'm not going to hurt you now. I wouldn't… I've been waiting for this for far too long – '

A God-awful moan then assailed his ears. I couldn't stop it – it was born in my throat without my knowledge. My whole body was drenched in a cold sweat, and the tears had returned.

I realized then this: Paul Slater was not interested in raping me. He wanted sex, sure, but he wanted me willing.

I didn't know what to do with that information I just learned. I don't think it made him a better person for it, but it was a powerful peace of knowledge. I didn't know how safe it would keep me, or how useful it might prove, but I stored it away in a corner of my brain, probably the only corner left that wasn't engulfed in panic or dread.

With a defeated groan, he looked back up at my face. 'You can't do this now,' he muttered, trying to regain his breath. He didn't look angry – only sort of understanding. 'I get that…'

Rolling off of me and sitting on the edge of the bed facing the wall, he leant his elbows on his knees, fiddling with his hands.

I sat up, holding my arms around my chest. I shivered like mad, terrified of what had been about to happen – what I'd only just escaped. I ran an unsteady hand through my hair, my glassy eyes downcast.

He sighed, still not looking at me. 'I can't do – ' He broke off and scowled. Not at me…presumably at himself for his decision. 'Not while you're shaking like that.'

I felt as if I should have apologised, when I remembered that I _so_ didn't have to.

I sank unsteadily to my knees and pinched my fingers together to pick up my shirt. I pulled it on, after quickly covering myself up with my bra. I wanted to hide in my clothing, I felt so ashamed of my body… of him touching me like that. I wanted to go home and scrub my skin until it bled…

'Soon, though,' he promised me. The back of his neck was taut. Strained. I doubted he was smiling anymore.

I just stood there, feeling as though my knees would buckle beneath me. My world swayed.

'Okay…' I whispered, not really in my body anymore, just going through the motions.

He twisted his head, and stared at me. He opened his mouth to say something, but then thought better of it and looked away again.

'Go.'

I did. I'd never wanted to do anything more in my _life._

And when I got into my car, I shattered completely.

**-F&I-**

**If anyone was wondering why the poem was chosen at the front, think it in terms of this chapter in particular. When presented with two ways for her soul to ultimately die, Suze chose the one that wouldn't condemn her to immediate misery – she chose to save Jesse and sacrifice herself: fire. By losing Jesse, but remaining safe from the hot touch of Paul, she'd resign her mind to a world of ice, where she was cold, alone and with no hope of ever loving again.**

**If that helps.**

**Please review…**

**Lolly and Steph.**


	9. Wild Water

_**Readers, we love you all. One thing, however, disturbed Stephie and I when we saw some of the reviews for chapter eight… that your faith had pretty much been restored in Paul after he decided to let her go.**_

_**People! Just because he couldn't – gah, Aina said it pretty well:**_

_**I read through the reviews and someone mentioned how there is some goodness in Paul at the end, because he didn't want to rape Suze. I don't think it's goodness, I actually think it's selfishness. He wanted Suze to WANT him, so that he wouldn't feel guilty about what he had done to Jesse and what he's making Suze do.**_

_**Sorry for the long time in updating…**_

_**Please review.**_

_**Lolly and Steph.**_

-F&I-

The drive home felt positively dreamlike. That _wasn't_ to say it was a bowl of ice-cream, oh no. It didn't feel real, though. There wasn't a single part of my body that could commit myself to actually being there. I couldn't even remember any of it; mainly, it was just a blur of shocked tears and trembling hands on the cold steering wheel.

It was so, so quiet…

I pulled up in my driveway after what had been an eternity of nothingness, having no idea how I'd gotten there safely. God knows I hadn't been able to see the road clearly. Undoing my seatbelt, I escaped the car on numb, quivering legs. Again, it was as if I'd blacked out because suddenly I was walking into my bedroom with no memory of how I came to be there. This scared me. Just being here with the lights on made what had just happened seem untrue. Surely, that couldn't have taken place… not when my bedroom light shone so brightly. Surely, in the warmth of my room, pure evil couldn't _really _exist, could it?

And yet, it did. It resided in Scenic Drive.

I placed my keys on the table. The loud clang startled me – it had been more noise than I had expected. Careful of my unsteady legs, I sank into the chair before my desk. I looked up accidentally at the mirror before be… and the face that gazed back at me was one of frozen pain: wide, dull green eyes and ashen skin - trails of moisture descending down sickly cheeks; lips that could not close no sooner than they could stop shaking.

I touched them, never tearing my petrified gaze from my reflected eyes. My fingers felt freezing against my mouth. I covered it with my hand, feeling the constant tremble of my jaw. I waited silently for my features to smooth, for my eyes to blink, but they were either stubborn or they were simply incapable. Accepting that this now wouldn't happen, my gaze flickered away from the mirror and I glanced around my room apprehensively.

Not even daring to believe it would work, I hissed, '…_Jesse_?'

He would not come.

'Jesse?' I said, my voice louder and twice as panicked.

Only silence and stillness greeted me.

I was alone.

My eyes landed on my bed, and catching me completely off guard was the half-scream that was ripped from my unwilling throat. I stood up and staggered away from it, as if it held some hidden threat. I turned away, feeling the shaking return to me full force.

I couldn't explain why I reacted so adversely or why I couldn't at least control myself now… but seeing my bed –

I knew that it'd be a long time before I could call it a place of rest.

Not that I would have tried, but it was as if I simply couldn't remember everything that had just taken place with Paul. I was perfectly content in not recalling, though. As stunned and as cold as I was now, I knew there was a much worse condition for me to be in.

Abject despair…

My hands were still trembling. I glanced down at them forlornly, suddenly needing them to be occupied with some meaningless task. With another blink of nothingness, I was in my wardrobe, picking up a blanket that had fallen on the floor. I folded it quickly…

I needed something else to do. I needed distraction… I could already feel my memory bleeding back to me, clawing at me and dragging me into awareness once more, where only pain awaited.

I needed to keep moving…keep my hands busy…

Otherwise I'd remember.

Remember how much I needed… _him_.

And I'd remember that he was gone.

I gasped unexpectedly, pushing my fist against my lips in horror. I needed to stay together. I couldn't fall apart, and succumb to the endlessness. I couldn't, or –

- Or I might not be brave enough to do what was necessary to bring him back…

Unable to even contemplate the thought of being in my bed, I moved unsteadily to my window. It was misty from the night's chill. As I pulled the glass open, a soft gust of cold breath swarmed around me, clinging coldly to my icy skin. I shivered, glad to finally find a scapegoat as to why I was freezing. I settled down on the window seat, tugging the blanket in my arms over me. My eyes stung from the breeze.

The sky was dead. Black painted over my stars, forbidding me from seeing them. I clung my knees into my chest, quivering despite my blanket.

'Jesse…'

My voice frightened me… I'd _never_ sounded so weak. 'I'll bring you home, I _swear_…'

The first sob broke free loudly, cutting a hole in my heart. I winced from the terrible pain.

'Please…don't hate me for all this, I beg of you…Jesse, I'm _so sorry_…'

How he could possibly forgive me for my unchaste methods of returning him to safety? Not to mention, it was a very small chance that Paul would stay true to his word… God, I had no idea of knowing if Paul was even telling the truth about Jesse still _existing_. For all I knew, he could have been exorcised to hell and beyond, and Paul was just planning to manipulate me in my clueless state.

But, did I have any other choice than to hope that Jesse was still out there?

What was the other option?

To crash, here and now?

Give up?

Because if I was wrong, and Jesse _was_ still waiting for me…then I was sentencing him to some unknown hellish torture beyond my nightmares. I just _couldn't_ take that chance, and risk his suffering…

He'd never, ever do that to me.

I needed to do whatever it took to bring him back to me, even if it played into Paul's dark fantasy of having ultimate power over me.

He owned me now.

After I exhaled, I stared as my hazy white breath drifted eerily outward. My hands looked a ghostly white. As I breathed in, I could feel a wretched coldness invading my lungs and freezing my body from the inside. My throat ached from the raw attack of ice.

If only I could stay under this wintry thrall… perhaps it would save me from the destructive heat that Paul had in store for me? Could this ice preserve my soul that little bit longer?

I had to wait for him… I couldn't give up…

I loved him too much to sacrifice him to my own torment. It was an insult to his goodness.

And so, I waited. Armed pitifully with my thin blanket – but physically too frozen to move and get something more appropriate – I leant against the sharp, numbing pane of glass.

Hours slithered by at a cruel pace, and I remained locked in place within my state of semi-consciousness. Just as the sky began to become flecked with signs of sunlight, I felt myself slide away…

I was falling.

Falling was good…

I wanted to fall forever.

I just knew that sooner or later, I was going to land with full force.

-F&I-

I woke up, shivering. For a strange, surreal moment, I hadn't any idea where, or who I was. As I turned my head a little, my bleary eyes drank in the huge window frame above me. I frowned, and closed them again disappointedly. Why had I slept in front of an open window? That was…stupid.

I definitely didn't feel like I had just slept. It was like I had closed my eyes one minute and opened them from a disturbance only seconds later. My thin blanket had fallen off of me in the middle of my limited sleep, and I was suddenly aware of how cold I was.

So unbelievably cold...

A low, sinister fog cloaked my bedroom floor. It certainly wasn't thick enough that I couldn't see my own feet, but its presence scared me…

Every other morning, my window – which was left open as I fell asleep – had been firmly closed.

Not this morning, though.

This morning, the fog had been let in…

After a moment, strength returned to me… well, at least enough to attempt movement. The first thing I noticed was the massive strain in my neck that I tried to flex out, as well as pains in all my other bones. I felt sore, like a tractor had just run over me.

I stood up slowly, my bones creaking painfully as I started walking across towards my bathroom.

I couldn't form a cohesive thought. My brain was dead and I felt numb. Not sad, or angry or anything.

Just numb.

The only thing I could think of right then, was "Bath." That word seemed to soothe me. As if, in relieving one pain, it would prepare me to kick the ass of another. This was some comfort. After shutting the door, putting the plug in the bottom of my tub and running the warm water, I started gingerly undressing. Why was I so goddamn sore? It couldn't have possibly been just from last night's sleeping arrangement –

That's when I caught sight of myself in the mirror. And I saw.

Bruises.

I blinked, bemused. Running cold fingertips down my arm, I cautiously skimmed over the purple circles of skin that covered a considerable area above my right elbow. Four circles…spaced evenly apart.

From four fingers.

That held me down.

My wrists were the worst though. There were large red welts enclosing them like bands of claim. I thought back to those weird psychic handcuffs that Paul had just…created. How they'd dug at my skin as I tried to squirm out of them –

A horrible red mark stained my throat, which looked exactly like what it was. I saw a suggestion of teeth, and looked away before I broke.

I just stared in some kind of _awe_ at what this body now looked like.

Surely it was a corpse…

Darkness marred my lower lids, announcing my lack of sleep to the world. My skin, normally fair, was now deathly pale. I closed my eyes and wished the reflection away, but upon opening them again, the sickly corpse remained.

This grotesque reflection held me captive until I heard the trickling of bathwater spilling over the edge. Snapping out of it, I quickly turned off the water. I plunged my hand down and grabbed the plug to allow some water to drain, before I descended in as soon as I knew I wouldn't make it overflow again.

The relief was only temporary. Whilst warm water cured my chronic shivering, it offered no further comfort.

_Jesse_, I kept thinking. _Jesse…hear me, wherever you are…_

I knew he wouldn't show, though. He was gone. Or trapped…I really had no way of knowing which…

All I knew was, Jesse was a fighter. If he was somewhere that was bust-out-able, I knew he'd be out of there in a heartbeat. The fact that he wasn't here only made it clear to me.

He was really gone.

I sank deeper, too tired for tears…

– Suddenly, I lurched over the side of the bathtub, coughing up a lungful of water, gasping for air. Furious at myself for falling asleep in a freakin' _bath_, I shakily emerged and wrapped myself tightly with my towel. My fingers were prune-y and my skin felt like rubber. It was now seven thirty, so that put my sleeping time up to approximately two hours. I debated whether there was any point in getting dressed and going out to face the meaningless day, but decided he wouldn't have wanted me to let me despair consume me.

The phone rang, but I let someone else answer it. It was rarely for me anyway –

Wrong again.

My mother's still practically asleep voice croaked from her room, 'Suze…it's for you…'

I answered my extension.

'What?' I grunted in greeting.

'Susannah,' said an anxious voice on the other line. My heart seized up, as a sudden guilt devastated my being. Oh my God. Father Dominic _couldn't know_ what I did… It was hard enough now having to live with my stupid mistake, but if he found out what I'd done…

I breathed in sharply.

'Listen, I'm sorry to call you so early, but Jesse was supposed to be meeting me last night, and he…er, he didn't arrive.' A judgemental tone entered his voice. 'Did he spend the night with you?'

'I – '

He groaned. 'I won't pretend I'm not disapproving,' he said with an essence of severity, 'After he assured me that the two of you had…"broken up"... But I really do need to see Jesse immediately. Could you ask him to come here now? He won't answer my calling, which is _highly_ inappropriate –'

'I don't know where he is, Father,' I said honestly, reigning in my own misery. 'I haven't seen him since last night either.'

There was a silence.

'Is that so?' he said finally, sounding confused. He believed me.

'Yes,' I replied, my voice starting to clam up. 'I have to go, sorry – '

'Wherever could he be, Susannah?'

'I don't know…'

It was the truth, too.

'Don't go yet, I need to –'

'I'm sorry,' I whispered breathlessly, before hanging up, unable to speak. My throat was unbearably tight. My chest was starting to heave with laboured breath. I gripped the side of my neck with the hand that wasn't holding up my towel, as if trying to draw the pain in my throat out.

Strangely enough, I could breathe again.

I dressed quickly, wearing a lot of seemingly unnecessary accessories to hide certain parts of my body. I concealed my hideous wrists with armies of bangles, bracelets and wrist bands, and I wore a long sleeved polo-neck to keep everything else out of sight.

No one would know.

-F&I-

Within the hour, I was back at the Second Time Around Bookstore. It seemed like many long and tiring years since I'd set foot in there, when in reality it'd only been four day. As I walked through the doors, a shock of bright colours hit me.

I blinked irritably.

'Suze!' a voice sounded in what could only be described as pure joy. I turned around and saw Robbie, flecked with paint, advancing on me. I smiled thinly. 'Hey.'

As he got closer, he stopped. 'Are you okay?' he wanted to know. 'You don't look so good.'

I shrugged. 'Didn't sleep. I'm fine.'

Dismissing this in favour for getting back to the missing-me thing, he gave me a hug – unintentionally transferring a splodge of paint from his and onto my own face. He didn't seem to notice, and I didn't seem to care.

'What's new here?' I asked him vaguely, feeling somehow far away. I knew that I was here, but it didn't feel real. How could normal things possibly exist at a time like this? It seemed wrong…

He hadn't stopped looking at me since I'd walked in. This made me uncomfortable, and I looked down.

'Well,' he said happily, but with some distraction, 'CeeCee hasn't been in since the other day, because she actually has a job. Adam and I have been painting the walls, and my brother came in to install some new lights… and I started on my pictures, although they're not very good yet – '

'Where?' I interrupted, glancing back up at him. Now that I looked closer, I saw that _he_ wasn't looking too flash himself. His nose looked kind of swollen, and the skin under his eyes looked like it was being pulled to either side of his face. His eyes looked bloodshot, and he looked generally pale and clammy.

'Whoa,' I said after a moment. 'You look like crap.'

He just appeared embarrassed. 'I'm fine too,' he said, before grinning lamely. 'We're both not going to admit anything, so let's just move on.'

'Okay,' I agreed. 'Now where's your painting?'

A little colour returned to his cheeks as he flushed happily. 'Here…' He grabbed my hand and pulled me past one of the bookshelves –

…Wow.

Across the entire back wall – in dark pencil, with only some occasional splashes of colour committed to the wall – was a picture of a girl riding a robust looking horse, holding a large sword which was plunged in the direction of a dragon. A sinister looking man was astride the evil dragon, which was breathing fire in the horse's direction. Upon another inspection, I noticed a long, slightly curving horn on the horse's forehead.

There were no features in the faces of the two characters, but everything else was sketched perfectly.

'That took me two days,' he said, sounding exhausted at the thought. He pointed up to the dragon, of which he had begun one of the wings – a stark black and red. 'I think its wings are too big…they're too big, right?'

'No…' I shook my head.

I looked back at the girl mounted on the…well, the unicorn, I guess. A soft dress was flowing around her legs as she rode, whipped back by the obvious speed at which she travelled. But what drew my eyes most was the pendant which hung from her neck.

A snowflake.

I don't know why, but it made my breath shudder.

I turned away, smiling sadly. 'It's really good,' I assured him. 'Is that the only picture you're going to do?'

'Nope,' he responded, looking at me curiously. 'I'm going to chuck something up above the counter, wherever we end up eventually putting it…'

I nodded.

'Oh, and I'm also getting heaps of new books for Mr. and Mrs. Hughes to sell,' Robbie looked very pleased with himself. 'My dad said he'd send one of his people around with them today.'

'One of his people?' I asked, only half catching what he was saying.

'Um…yeah. A lot of people work for him…'

When Mr. Hughes came in a little later, he designated me to sorting out books, so I was putting them in different genres. He was helping me, but it was the fact that this job had to take place in the room I'd last been happy with Jesse, that was killing me. In that little adjoining apartment room, we'd been so close to…

…Now I'd never know.

Not with _him_, anyway.

I had no idea what I was doing. My thoughts were anywhere but on task. I didn't want to be here… I wanted to be…I don't know, doing _something_ to try and get Jesse back. Like researching in old musty ancient texts for portals into netherworlds, not flicking through paper back novels to see if it was historical romance or sci-fi.

A few hours went by when CeeCee and Adam showed up.

'Simon!' Adam hollered when he caught sight of me, 'Back with a vengeance, I see – whoa. You look sicker than my great grandpa. Who's dead. Yeah, you look sicker.'

I rolled my eyes, not really in the mood to acknowledge him more than that.

Adam, unable to respond to an unresponsive me, stood there awkwardly for a second before going to harass Robbie. CeeCee on the other hand showed up right in front of me, looking concerned.

'Adam may not reside in Tactville, but there was some truth in that. You don't look so good, Suze. Is everything okay?'

'It's great,' I said flatly, leafing through a yellowing novella and avoiding her eye-contact.

I had no concrete way of knowing, but I had a feeling she was still staring at me. Finally, I looked up at her again. 'What?'

She bit her lip, before kneeling down in front of me. 'What's happened to you, Suze?' she whispered. 'Something has… You just look…I don't know. Like you just lost a limb.'

Hadn't I?

'Suze,' she pressed on. I doggedly threw my current book into the poetry stack. 'Please, talk to me…I know you well enough to know that you're gonna bottle this up rather than actually tell someone you need help, and that is so not healthy – '

She stopped rapidly. I glanced at her again, and noticed she wasn't looking at my face.

'What happened to your wrist?' she gasped, seizing it.

I yelped in pain, before tugging it away angrily. 'None of your business,' I snapped, crossing my arms to hide my hands. 'God, grabby much?'

'God, defensive much?' she countered. 'What's going on?'

'NOTHING,' I exploded, kicking the books in front of my viciously. It was the room…it was remembering, him, what almost – what I'd lost… 'You just _push_ and _push_, don't you?'

CeeCee's face was blank. 'I was just worried…'

'And I told you to _back off_!' I spat acidly.

'Suze,' her voice sounded hurt. She went to gingerly touch my arm, but I just…I flipped. 'Just STOP,' I yelled, shoving her back.

She stumbled.

And fell.

I just stood there, my eyes wide; shocked. CeeCee glared at me. All I could do was…stare. I stepped back fearfully, scared I'd hurt her any more. My apology was on the tip of my tongue, but it was too late. She'd already got to her feet, muttered a furious, 'Whatever,' and was gone.

I walked out of the bedroom and back into the chaotic store. All eyes fell on me. I breathed in deeply, trying to ignore how ashamed I felt. 'What?' I demanded of Adam, who was being particularly obvious in his gawking. He just shoved his hands up in an I-surrender manner, and continued mixing paint for Robbie.

I'd just…attacked CeeCee. No I didn't… I just reacted, because she was being _such_ a –

A friend, Suze. She was concerned. You try to maim everyone who tries to freakin' help you?

What _are_ you?

Breaking the silence was Robbie, who coughed vigorously, unable to contain it any longer for the sake of suspense. The gazes fell from me finally. Mr. Hughes, looking nervous, asked Robbie, 'You all right, sonny Jim?'

Rasping slightly, the kid nodded but didn't say anything. He went back to his painting, on which he'd made quite a bit of progress.

My employer looked at his watch suddenly. 'Oh goodness, that the time, eh? Well, I've got to go see young Miranda… Better I go there than she come here and see what we're up to, oh, there's no living with her when she's all mad at me…' He pulled on his coat, and disappeared out the front door.

I'm guessing he just doesn't like crazy people.

We're closer than you think.

Dejected, tired, hating myself and inwardly asking what I did WRONG, I asked Robbie, 'Is there anything I can do to help? I'm so sick of books at the moment…'

He lowered his brush and turned to look at me. 'Um. Not that I know of.'

'Oh,' I said, dismayed.

With that, I turned on my heel and went back into the other room. I stared at the piles and piles of books everywhere, before heaving a huge sigh of exhaustion, and crumpling onto the mattress…

-F&I-

Poke.

Another poke. Harder this time.

And another…

And an-OW, BRUISE…

I jerked up, making my head swim – 'What?' I demanded. Robbie sat worriedly on the bed beside me. 'Are you okay?' he checked. 'We didn't realise you fell asleep…we were calling, and you wouldn't wake up. Adam said you'd died.'

'I wish,' I mumbled.

'There's someone here to see you,' he went on. 'That mean guy.'

My mind suddenly woke up. '…What? He's _here_?'

Robbie looked apologetic. 'I can tell him to go away,' he promised me. I got the impression that he'd have liked nothing better than to do this.

Having Paul not here right now would have also done me wonders - the seven wonders of the freakin' world, in fact. However, the possibility of him acting vengefully after this rejection made my blood run cold. What if he took it out on Jesse?

So despite how much every quivering cell of my genetic makeup screamed in protest, I pulled myself up from the bed, and breathed in.

All the oxygen in the world couldn't save me.

Marching out – well, more like scuttling – I went into the main part of the bookstore once more…

And there he was, back towards me, quietly observing Robbie's artwork across the posterior wall. How a boy of eighteen could have inspired such horrible physical reactions within me, I would never know. Already, I could feel an icy chill suffocating me.

'I hope you don't expect her to be the…"victorious" one,' Paul remarked coldly of the female unicorn-rider to Robbie, who was standing loyally beside me. He turned and glanced at me, before fixing an arrogant eye on the little artist. 'The man on the dragon is clearly going to burn her to a crisp.'

'She's powerful too, even if she doesn't look it,' Robbie argued back. 'Good _always_ conquers evil.'

Paul smirked wryly. 'Oh, I wouldn't say that…'

I paled as his blue-eyed gaze swerved back to me.

'Naïve,' he said simply, obviously referring to Robbie.

Adam stood up, staring with distaste at Paul. 'Riiiight…' he mumbled awkwardly. 'Well, Slater. What are you going here? Oh wait – I know! Always _pegged_ you for the closet Sweet-Valley-High fan…' He proceeded to throw the book in question at Paul, who didn't bother catching it. He just let it fall to the floor, before walking all over it disrespectfully in order to come and stand in front of me.

'A moment of your time, Suze?' he said quietly.

Guiltily, I shuffled with him into the corner, away from Robbie's defensive ears.

Once he had me relatively alone, his smirk – which he'd been toying with ever since my arrival – widened sinisterly. 'How are you doing then?' he wanted to know.

For once, I didn't restrain _any_ of the hate that flooded from my eyes. 'Don't pretend that you care about me in the slightest,' I spat in hushed tones. 'This whole thing is unbearable enough without any pretence.'

'But I do,' he countered, acting as though this statement had hurt him. 'Care about you, I mean.'

I smiled humourlessly, shaking my head. 'You have a fucked up way of showing it…'

'We hurt the ones we love, I guess,' was his defence.

I hadn't the energy or the courage to launch into my hearts-as-cold-as-yours-aren't-capable-of-love theory. Instead, I pressed my hands against my face, trying to steady my breathing.

This was…mad.

I could feel Adam's and Robbie's eyes on me. They couldn't hear this whispered conversation, though. Thank God…

'What are you doing here?' I asked him slowly. 'You don't do social calls.'

He ran a finger discreetly down my arm; a tiny movement which made me shiver. 'Came to tell you. Be at my place at midnight.'

I looked up at him in horror. I guess in some Miracle Land existing only in my head, I'd hoped that I'd have longer… that he'd give me more time to come to terms with…this.

I was wrong.

'What?' he interrupted my private turmoil. 'You didn't think I'd wait forever, right? God, it was hard enough letting you go last night…'

I dropped my gaze, unable to look at something so callous.

I couldn't do this…I couldn't… I _had_ to.

'Okay. Midnight,' I said tonelessly.

Every part of my body shook with fear at the thought.

Interrupting the appalling silence, Robbie's wavering voice floated in with, 'Suze…we need you to – '

'She's still busy,' Paul replied loudly, his lips thinning slightly. His hand gripped my wrist so I wouldn't leave.

'I _work_ here. I have work-y things to do now. Go,' I glared at him, desperately channelling all fear into my hatred for him. I didn't want to be weak… I wanted to be strong, and capable of saving myself from this terrible fate. And even if I wasn't, I wanted to appear it.

However, the point of this exercise was not for me to stay just because Paul wanted to talk to me still, it turned out.

The point was that I was meant to stay simply because Paul said so.

'You still don't get it, do you?' Paul smiled unpleasantly at me. 'That wasn't up for negotiation… If I tell you to do something from now on, it's done. Consider yourself mine, Suze.'

I stared determinedly at the wall of the corner I was trapped in, breathing erratically.

'You can't control water,' he hissed at me. 'It's too wild, too…ever-moving. But, you can contain it…limit it. Or better yet, you can freeze it. To have that kind of power… it's intoxicating,' he concluded with a leering smirk. His finger brushed the side of my face. I didn't flinch.

'Suze,' Robbie said nervously, obviously trying to save me with subtlety, 'You have to do…that thing. Like, now.'

I blinked, staring at Paul's pale eyes. He raised an eyebrow expectantly.

My voice cracked as it came out, but I had to say it. Paul was right. With leverage like that which he had, I couldn't be defiant…

'No,' I snapped back at Robbie. 'I'm _busy_, Robbie.'

Embarrassed silence greeted me.

'…Oh,' Robbie mumbled. '…Um, sorry…'

Paul's eyes sparkled with triumph.

'That's my girl,' he commended patronisingly. 'Now, was that so hard?'

I didn't reply. I just tried to keep breathing.

Paul pulled back just a little bit, still regarding me obsessively. 'I _am_ going to enjoy this.'

With that, he turned and made for the door as if our interlude had had no effect on him whatsoever.

'Paul,' I called shakily.

He turned from the doorway, brows arched. 'What?'

'You know… you can't stop a… a _tidal_ _wave_ by freezing it,' I rebutted his metaphor.

He smiled.

'I just did, Suze.'

And he was gone.


	10. Innocence

**_Thank you for your awesome reviews, you lovely squishies. They really spur us to update, and they definitely do a lot to improve a crappy day..._**

**_Here's the next chapter of Fire and Ice. This is a taste of why it's rated M._**

**_All our love,_**

**_Lolly and Steph.  
_**

* * *

**Susannah Simon is a whore.**

The phrase reverberated through my head for the rest of the day.

Oh God, how I believed it… I felt like it was etched on my forehead. It was like a scarlet "W" that was stitched onto my clothing, proclaiming it to the world. How they were all treating me the same way, I did not know. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to meet their eye. Not if what I was going to do that night was really going to occur…

I still couldn't completely accept this all… The sheer speed at which my world had collapsed was bewildering. With every second that passed, little pieces of what had once been a livable existence crumbled away, leaving a corroded skeleton of this life.

And I was powerless to fix it.

Nothing, and I mean _nothing_ excused what I was about to do, though.

I was about to ultimately betray the one thing that I loved above all else. I just couldn't believe that I was going through with it… that I was readily going to that house of glass to sign myself over to him.

In my mind, my signature danced menacingly in elegant cursive, shimmering with dark, fresh blood. I would seal the deal. After this, I couldn't turn back. And I was sure as hell that after this, I'd have very little to offer Jesse, should I ever succeed in returning him to me. That notion was pretty doubtful, though.

God. I just… I didn't know what to think anymore.

Oh wait. I still had that one thought…

**Susannah Simon is a _whore._**

Sitting on my window seat, I peeked through white fingers at the clock face, fearful of the news it would deliver.

Little hand, pointing directly west… Big hand standing tall in a northern direction.

Nine o'clock.

Three more hours of waiting…

I didn't know what to do with myself. I had no will to move. I'd never been so scared, and never for such a long period of time. I couldn't bear to look at my legs, either. Whenever I did, the horrible mental picture of them being pried open by greedy hands tainted my thoughts. Greedy, undeserving hands of evil. Hands that had been around my neck once, choking the life out of me…

I glanced at the clock again. Five past nine. Two hours and fifty five minutes until –

How was I supposed to prepare for this? What was I supposed to do when I got there? What should I wear for such a terrifying occasion? Would he be angry if I didn't wear something he liked? Or would he draw the wrong conclusion if I wore something provocative? That I…wanted it?

I had already showered, although it was probably closer to being a suicide attempt than any shower I'd ever had. I still donned merely a towel. My hair was hanging in damp curls, flooding down my back and around my shoulders. Would he have wanted me to make it look prettier? Would that make him…get it over with?

What did I have to do to rush this?

Thirteen past nine.

I dragged my legs up to my body, curling up on the window seat as I had done the night before. The window was still open since no one had been here to shut it… A chill of pure dread dug its biting claws into my skin and I shuddered unintentionally.

This wait…it was awful.

The seconds kept passing. I counted them in my head, regarding each and every one with an escalating fear of what was to come. Every second, I was closer. At eleven forty-five, I'd have to sneak out and drive there.

The temptation to call him and beg for more time was almost overwhelming. It was the last shreds of my pride, however, that reined this urge in. Handing him that power over me on a silver platter was not appealing. He had to initially steal it from me. I was not going to play his game by his rules...

So far, however, I hadn't exactly been very defiant. How could I? With everything I did wrong, I risked Jesse being hurt. I had no idea if Paul would actually hurt him, but even the _thought_ of him suffering was enough for me to dissolve into submission once more.

I disgusted myself. I had _never_ felt this helpless…

**-F&I-**

_'You can see way more stars in California than you could back in New York,' I observed aloud._

_Above me, the blanket of darkness was decorated with thousands of stars, like fine, twinkling specs of glitter. Only a few clouds interrupted what was otherwise a perfect night sky. I sighed peacefully, listening to my breath enter my lungs, and then slowly whoosh out as I let it go..._

_Jesse chuckled beside me. 'It's beautiful. Although, not as bright as it was in the days when **my** heart was beating.'_

_'Yeah, a pretty significant difference in the availability of electricity would do that,' I agreed. His fingers lazily traced patterns in the palm of my hand._

_We were both lying on the roof above my bedroom. It was past midnight, so no one would find us out here. Well, actually, they had no chance of finding Jesse. To the hypothetical perving neighbour with his hypothetical microscope, it appeared that only a lonely sixteen year old girl was stargazing from her rooftop. _

_I remembered back to that scene in The Lion King, when Simba, Timon and Pumbaa were all lying in a glade somewhere, gazing at the stars just like I was with Jesse now. You know, the one where Pumbaa said his theory about stars being just gas... It seemed that the night sky caused them to just...open up completely. I felt exactly the same right now, like I had nothing to hide from Jesse. Yes, I had my secrets, but... it was as if saying them now would make them all okay. _

_Strange..._

_I heard Jesse roll on his side, but I didn't look at him. I could feel him watching me closely. The stars continued to twinkle calmly, offering an eternity of tranquil silence. I just wanted to stay still so I wouldn't disturb it..._

_'What are you thinking?' Jesse wanted to know. His voice was so gentle._

_'How I want to fall into the sky...' I mused. It sounded silly, but at that moment, anything seemed possible._

_'I could never allow that,' he replied. 'Unless of course, I was falling with you.'_

_I giggled, pleased that he was accepting my peculiar words. Once again, a long and comfortable silence fell. The night air kissed my skin with a fresh coldness. After ninety the degree day, I welcomed it._

_A finger tenderly stroked the side of my face, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes, blissfully trapped in the heavenly moment._

' "_**She walks in beauty, like the night**,' Jesse began, his voice melodic and deep. **'Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes..." '**_

_I smiled. 'That's pretty...'_

_He went on, waxing poetry to me. I opened my eyes, enchanted by the mysterious dark sky and the music of his words._

' "_**And on that cheek, and o'er that brow, So soft, so calm, yet eloquent, The smiles that win, the tints that glow, But tell of days in goodness spent..." '**_

_I turned to look into his eyes. Endlessness smiled back at me. All the troubles of the world could be forgotten simply be staring into those two orbs of chocolate. I felt so safe, so gentle..._

_' "**A mind at peace with all below, A heart whose love is innocent**,"' he concluded softly. 'Lord Byron.'_

_I accidentally sniggered a little at the last line. 'I hope you didn't mean all of that to be about me. Because I think we both know that I'm hardly innocent. I mean, hello? Juvenile record and everything.'_

_'You are innocent,' he assured me with a wry smile. 'Adorably so.'_

_I blushed. 'I'm so not. I can kick major ass, thank you very much.'_

_'But your heart is pure,' he said._

_I wrinkled my nose. 'What does that mean?_

_He moved so he was on his back again, staring upward to the shadowed heavens. 'It means... no matter how much you may try, you're blessed with your integrity... your morality, and your gift of love. You could never hurt someone out of cold blood...'_

_Whoosh._

_Straight over my head._

_'Um. Okay,' I mumbled unsurely. 'Whatever rubs your tummy.'_

_'You'll understand, **querida**,' he promised me. 'Someday.'_

_Satisfied that he had cleared up any confusion - which he kind of hadn't - he closed his eyes and smiled as if enjoying a private secret that he was feeling too smug about to share with me. With a little huff that said, well-fine-DON'T-tell-me, I closed my heavy lids also, sliding my hand into his and squeezing his fingers. What I'd ever do without him, I didn't even want to think about..._

_After another long pause of silence, I suddenly asked, 'Hey. If you could die in either two ways, would you pick fire or ice?'_

_I looked back over to him and saw that while he didn't open his eyes, his brow did furrow slightly. 'Hmm...' he murmured thoughtfully. 'I don't know. Why do you ask?'_

_I shrugged. 'Dunno. Just popped into my head.'_

_'Well,' he said slowly, 'They say that fire causes more pain...it is certainly more disfiguring. You would burn, and your skin would bubble and melt off - '_

_'For someone who just quoted Bryon, you're not exactly staying consistent,' I pointed out bluntly._

_He laughed._

_'Well, I suppose it would come down to a fear of pain, as most things do. We naturally choose the path of least resistance...'_

_I thought about that. 'But...wouldn't ice be slower? More gradual? With fire, it'd be over and done with, right? I mean, there's the smoke too...'_

_'And ice preserves,' Jesse added. 'However, if it were under a fiery attack, it would melt…so fire is the more powerful of the two.'_

'_But,' I countered, 'The water that it becomes could put out the fire. So I reckon that ice is cooler – no pun intended. I mean, in its other form, it can totally get rid of the fire, right?'_

'_I thought we were discussing the very morbid topic of death, not your elemental preference,' Jesse remarked wryly. 'Unless you are planning on acquiring a new power that I do not know of.'_

_Silence fell again._

_'If I had to die by one, I'd pick ice,' I decided firmly. 'As long as you were there to warm me up afterwards.'_

_Jesse snorted. 'Susannah. I don't have body heat.'_

_Blink._

_'...Oh. Yeah...'_

_With another chuckle, he turned on his side and kissed my forehead gently. 'I love you, Susannah…'_

**-F&I-**

After what seemed like days, weeks, months – take your pick – it was ten o'clock that night. My heart was beating steadily, seeming to slow to a gradual crawl as if I were willing myself to die just so I could avoid this fate. I decided to get dressed. Holding my towel around me, I rose to my feet and approached the wardrobe. It was just another step leading up to being ready for midnight that I was desperately trying to postpone. Once I got dressed... I'd be that much closer to accepting that it was really going to take place.

Finding something to wear was _excruciating_. I debated wearing hard-to-get-into attire just to make that little bit more annoying for him. At this point, any moment of satisfaction was appreciated. However, that would make it last longer. This logic made me decide on a skirt and a top.

Underwear was another problem. What was I trying to say? "Paul, I hate you, you sick son of a bitch and I will NEVER forgive you for this..."

What said that best? Bright green boy shorts? Black thong? Normal navy blue panties? A _chastity_ belt?

And a bra... oh God, I couldn't do this...

If this were Jesse, choosing clothes would be exciting. I'd be giggling all over the place from the anticipation. Instead...I felt like I was going to my own funeral rather than my first time. A funeral would definitely be closer to the truth, because Paul was going to kill something in me tonight.

Something I could never resurrect.

Deciding nervously on a very basic set of white underwear - no lace, nothing racy to speak of... - I slid on a beige knee length skirt and a cream coloured camisole. Nothing said "I hate you" like passive aggressively wearing unsexy clothes, right?

The clock glared at me, mocking my silent breakdown...

The final stage was make-up. I drifted into the bathroom unsteadily, holding the doorframe for support. _What lipstick…?_ I glanced at my reflection reluctantly, not at all shocked to see the familiar haunted expression marring my features. My eyes were permanently wide with dread. Flickers of dormant defiance swirled beneath the surface, still…

They were going to die tonight.

The make-up was a long process. My hand kept shaking, and I'd ruin everything, forcing me to start over. Then, the lipstick looked too red… Blood red against stark white skin. Like I was begging him to do this to me, like I wanted it very badly… like Jesse had never existed –

I threw the lipstick into the bathtub with a yelp of horror. It struck the white ceramic interior, drawing a messy dot of red…

Furiously, I scrubbed at my mouth with the back of my hand, determined to delete all traces of that horrible colour.

I'd _die_ before denouncing Jesse.

And yet, I was willingly giving myself away to someone else tonight.

So, wasn't I effectively doing that?

…**Whore.**

After I was done, I scrutinized myself in the mirror very critically. I wanted _nothing_ to be misconstrued. Not the colour of my shirt, the darkness of my eyeliner… nothing. If I was going there tonight, I would go every bit as pure as I knew I was. If he still had the _nerve_ to defile that, then I would at least know that I hadn't provoked him…

It helped to know. But it didn't help much.

Eleven o'clock came and went. For forty five minutes, I stood stock still in my bathroom, staring wide eyed at the mirror. This was the last time I could ever look at myself and claim to be true to Jesse. Every day after this one, I'd be contaminated…

And then…it was time.

**-F&I-**

Driving somewhere had never taken so long. I almost didn't trust myself to be on the road, I was in such bad shape. Once, I actually considered swerving and getting into a minor accident, just to get out of this…

But I decided against it, figuring that it'd probably do more harm than good.

Disgusted with myself that I hadn't prepared anything earlier that would help me, I pushed the acceleration pedal down harder. I was going to be late… and he didn't like that.

Finally, in a culmination of all of my anxieties and dreads, I had reached my destination.

_Get out of the car, Suze…_

No.

_Now. The quicker you do, the quicker it'll be over_.

No, he'll just have more time with me.

_Come on…don't wimp out now. Think of Jesse. _

He'll never forgive me.

_If you just do this one thing, you could be holding him as soon as tomorrow – _

Liar…

_Maybe it won't be as bad as you're imagining – _

LIAR!

_Get out. Now._

I can't –

_Now._

I can't do this…

_You have to. You have no choice. Not anymore… it's your own fault that this happened, now live with it. And get out of the damned car._

Defeated, I released a private moan of despair…

This was it.

I treaded up the driveway, my eyes darting left and right at every sound I heard. It was as if I was hoping against hope that, at the last possible moment, Jesse would appear and promise me that I didn't have to do this. I almost prayed for a reason to not love him as much as I did, so I wouldn't be so compelled to save him like this… but I cursed myself for even considering such a thought.

Jesse would give up anything for me in a _heartbeat_. If I couldn't return the favour, then I wasn't worthy of him.

Before I was ready, the familiar front door was looming over me.

'_Please_,' I whispered under my breath.

But no salvation came.

My skin prickled horribly with this realisation. Nothing was going to stop this from taking place. I was going to have to face it no matter what, so I was going to face it with courage. At least then I'd have my pride.

I sounded the doorbell.

No going back now.

Time was not my friend tonight. It either went by with callous slowness, or unexpected speed. Either way, before I had pulled myself together completely, the door was opening...

I drew a final breath of freedom, before lifting my gaze to the cool, arrogant one that awaited mine.

His hair wasn't gelled; instead, it was a sophisticated mess of loose, dark curls. He was dressed in blue jeans and a fitted black top. I gasped accidentally. He looked so…capable.

Of hurting me.

'Suze,' he said, sounding pleased. A terrible smile stained his perfect face. It attacked me, tearing away at me. I saw his eyes flicker down, drinking in every detail that stood shakily before him. The satisfaction in his eyes only increased. 'I was worried that you wouldn't show...'

'No you weren't,' I replied coldly.

The corner of his mouth quirked up. 'Well, okay, I wasn't. I knew you'd be here, one way or another... People like you always show up when I ask them to.'

Not sure exactly what he meant by that, I blinked and shifted back a little. What was he implying? People like me? What...good people? Other people he'd manipulated and cheated into doing what he wanted? Or all the slutty girls he'd conquered? Were they as prompt as I had been? Was I...one of them now?

His confidence was pouring over me like poisonous vapour, clinging hotly to my frozen skin.

'Come in,' he ordered. It wasn't an invitation. He was way past _inviting_ me inside now.

I acquiesced, and I heard the soft click of the closing door behind me. I pressed my eyes closed, praying dearly that Jesse wouldn't hate me for this...

In the background, I heard what sounded like people talking animatedly. It took me a moment to realise it was television. Paul, who hadn't taken his eyes off of me, answered the question that was on my mind. 'Yeah, Pops is here. He's residing in Snoreville at the moment. But I gave his Night Attendant the night off. I assured him that I'd look after him... so don't worry, no one will be interrupting us.'

I stared up at him, not knowing what to think or how to feel. I guess he could interpret from my look that I was not encouraged by knowing that no one was going to be around to put a stop to this. That only made him smile wider.

A spark of anger ignited within my heart. How _dare_ he enjoy my fear?

In spite of my deep anxieties, I shot him a hateful glare to communicate how much I truly did loathe him. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of showing him how deep rooted my fear was... Hostility would be a fantastic pretense.

'Upstairs,' he told me simply. With what I hoped was an irritated toss of my hair, I moved in front of him and made my way determinedly up the staircase. When I noticed how much my hand was shaking, I opted to ascend the stairs without holding the rail. My heart started pounding faster, and faster and faster...

I subtly breathed in a huge amount of oxygen, refusing to let it go until I was on the landing.

It didn't work, though. If anything, it pushed me further into my slowly swelling state of panic.

All too quickly, we were at his door. He came to stand beside me. Even in the relative darkness of the hallway outside his room, I could see his glinting eyes leering down at me. He rested his warm hand on my chin, cupping my face. 'Just relax,' he whispered. 'This can be as enjoyable as you want it to be...'

That statement made me feel wildly ill.

I heard his other hand twisting his doorknob smoothly. But nothing could have prepared me for what lay on the other side of that door.

My eyes flew open in abject horror.

I didn't know what I was expecting...probably just his room, with no changes to speak of. That wouldn't have sent me plunging headfirst into nightmarish dizziness.

Instead, there were rose petals everywhere... Candles winked dully from every possible surface that the room offered. The putrid smell of incense smacked me in the face, making my fear spin wildly out of control. In the corner of his room the most distant from his bed, there was a bronze coloured pail containing ice, and what looked like champagne. This conclusion came from the two empty wine glasses beside it. Beside the bed was a box of condoms, a fatal promise of what was to come.

It was _horrible_. It was worse than I could have imagined...

I clapped my hand to my mouth to muffle the scream that strained for release.

'Do you like it?' he whispered in my ear, sounding very pleased with himself. He obviously hadn't seen my expression yet.

Well, I gave him a whole pie full. I whirled around, murder in my eyes.

'What the _hell is this_?' I demanded furiously, jerking away from him.

His face changed from one of triumph and smarmy pleasure to a twist of confusion. 'What?' he demanded defensively. 'I spend _ages_ setting this up! I was trying to make this – '

'What?' I snapped. 'Romantic? Paul, you can't _possibly_ make a situation like this romantic. A few candles and rose petals won't make me want to be here. And you're an asshole for thinking that you could fix this with something so superficial!'

His lip curled with anger. 'I did this for you, Suze.'

'And I'm doing this for Jesse,' I hissed at him. 'Don't you _ever_ forget that! You know I wouldn't be here for a second if you hadn't blackmailed me and threatened me! You're pretending this is...what, a _relationship_ now? It's a deal that you forced me into!'

His eyes narrowed, and his face twitched strangely. He didn't like what he was hearing at all.

'What were you trying to prove?' I wanted to know. 'That you care about me? Or that you're better than Jesse? Because you're not! Compared to _him_ you're NOTHING. And you probably weren't even trying to prove that to me! You needed to delude YOURSELF into thinking that! Because you know that you're worthless against good people like me and him!'

Whatever power he'd had, it had disappeared. He stood before me now, distinctly humiliated that I was screaming these blatant truths in his face.

In his silence, I just sneered at him. 'You're pathetic.'

Uh, yeah.

..._Really_ shouldn't have said that.

It was like a weak window in a submarine…it had been starting to crack until suddenly, under the pressure of thousands of gallons of water, it just exploded. Paul's face twisted into an ugly rage as he seized my arm and shook me hard.

'Just _shut up_,' he spat, dark jealousy and hate entwined with his words. My own confidence diminished exponentially until it was in the realms of negative. I tried to shrink away, but his fingers only intensified in their grasp. 'I am _not_ pathetic,' he shouted in agitation. 'You're here, aren't you? And I can do whatever I want to you. Tell me, could someone who's _pathetic_ manage that?'

I just stared at him, my heart beating like gunshots in quick succession. 'I - I don't - '

'No, they couldn't,' he answered for me, seeing that I was obviously having difficulty. Suddenly, he pushed me away, breathing hard. He turned and focused on the abundance of flickering candles before him.

Why did I have to be so _stupid_? There he was, more than willing to make this as bearable as possible for me, and I had to go shoot him down. He didn't handle his embarrassment very well - now he was pissed off in a big way.

When he spun back around, he appeared to have calmed down somewhat. He wasn't panting with fury anymore, but I could tell from the rock hard look in his eyes that he was now in a filthy mood.

'You ruined everything,' he said slowly. 'I tried being the nice guy. Now...I just don't care.'

He lowered his black gaze to the champagne, which he picked up and then openly laughed at. His laugh was forced; infuriated. Humorless. 'Well, since we're dropping all pretenses, we might as well opt for something stronger,' he snapped, as if everything was my fault. Which, in his eyes, I guess it was. I hadn't been wooed by his big attempt to be Prince Charming.

With a shimmer of dark mist, he dematerialised. I retreated from the point where he had vanished, scared to death.

He was so angry...

Not a moment had passed when he reappeared just beside me, holding a more rectangular bottle. With a dark look at me, he pressed the bottle to his lips and took a swig. Alarmed by this behaviour, I moved away further. After the first, he immediately took another long swig, pulling the bottle away from his mouth as if the taste had been unbearably bitter. The look he shot me led me to believe that he blamed me for its harsh taste as well.

He shoved the bottle at me. 'Here,' he said. 'Whiskey.'

Although I was initially appalled at the thought of drinking after him, I took the heavy bottle anyway. If anything, it'd only numb it all, right?

I raised the bottle to my mouth and allowed the foul tasting liquid to trickle down my throat. I wrenched it away. 'That's...disgusting,' I pulled a face.

'Yeah, well, it does the trick,' he muttered, pressing his thumb and index finger on either side of the bridge of his nose, as if trying to hold something back. He continued to wince for a few more seconds until he snatched the bottle away from me again and took a final mouthful.

He walked away and put it down on his desk after irritably shifting some of the glittering candles. His broad shoulders were hiked up a little. The strain in his neck was evident.

I could only stand there. I had no desire to make him even angrier, despite how _good_ it had felt to shoot him down like that after everything he'd done to me. I clutched at my fingers, twisting them nervously.

'Paul...' I said his name, although I was at a loss as to what I was going to say after that. All I knew was, the silence was getting heavier by the second, slowly suffocating me. He turned to face me, choosing to simply stare once more. This decreased my hysteria none. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. His pale eyes were glazed with anger.

'You ruined _everything_...' he repeated, shaking his head.

I swallowed. 'Okay. Then, um, maybe we can try this again some other night - '

He let out a bark of laughter that jolted me. 'Cute,' he commented. 'Trying to squirm away from me again, are you? What, are you going to cry again now? Hope that I'll feel sorry for you like I did last night? Go on. _Try__it_. Let's see if it works again.'

It was as if my tear ducts were slaves to his word. My eyes started to burn ferociously, despite my desperate attempt to remain indifferent. I cast my gaze sideways, seeing the door in my view. I needed to get out of here. Staying here during this temper would only end badly.

Just as I had pelted towards the door, his form lunged forward and hot hands seized me. My heart exploded into a furious hammering spell. 'No!' I half-screamed, trying to evade him, but he only laughed at me.

'You can't run away from me any more, Suze,' he growled, both of his hands sliding swiftly to my waist. They disappeared beneath my top, before pulling it off roughly. It snagged around my elbows, but he only pulled harder until I moved accordingly to stop the pain. He then ripped his own shirt off, throwing it carelessly on the ground near mine. I sucked in a breath, scared now more than ever.

His chest loomed before me, tanned and hot to touch. Before I could dodge him again, he drew me into an aggressive kiss that left me feeling faint from lack of air. I turned my face dazedly, which left the territory of my neck open for his claim. I felt his teeth snatching at the tender skin, making me tense from the shock of it. His fingers raked through my hair, and his other hand was tugging my skirt down...

Words, or at least half-formed sounds tried to escape my shaking lips, but they were too preoccupied with their sudden gasps and winces of pain. Beyond his roughness, there were moments where it did feel horribly good. I hated myself for them.

'Next time,' Paul said in a low voice as he finished tearing my clothes off of me, 'Wear something more appropriate. You looked like you were going to church or something.'

_Next time._

This could go on...for as long as he wanted...

Having noticed my horror at his words, he pulled away from me momentarily. 'What?' he snorted in disdain. '…You thought I'd only want you once?'

I remained completely silent.

'Look at me,' he instructed.

Reluctantly, I looked up. 'What?' I asked, hate corrupting my voice.

He clicked his tongue with disapproval. 'Now now, Suze... don't be getting an attitude with me...'

I blinked, maintaining my furious expression. He stroked the side of my face. His touch made my stomach clench.

'I hope you didn't expect for me to do all the work,' he scolded.

Horrified at this statement, I argued, 'It's not in our deal for me to reciprocate anything!'

'That doesn't matter,' he explained, unclipping my bra and dragging it off of me. That too fell uselessly to the floor. 'If I tell you to do something, I expect it to be done. Am I making myself clear? Or do I need to remind you what is at stake?'

My gaze fell in defeat, but again he shook me and hissed, _'Look_ at me!'

I looked up submissively, and he witnessed the defiance leave my eyes. It made him smile.

'Now,' he said softly, pulling his own pants off. I kept my eyes locked with his. 'When I kiss you, you're going to kiss me back. If I'm not satisfied with your effort, then we'll just try again.'

Without waiting for my word of acceptance, he pressed me against him, his mouth colliding with mine. His kiss was so thorough and invasive that I almost cried. I returned the kiss unwillingly. His tongue swept through my mouth.

The first layer of ice encased my heart.

Dizzy from his stifling heat, I pulled away, panting. This was already unbearable. The hatred for him only rivaled the hatred for myself... Why did I ever agree to this? Surely there was another way to free Jesse without hurting him like this. Oh God, if he ever discovered the things I did...

Paul's eyelids looked heavy. Passion stirred in his eyes, one that had been long burning ever since we had met. Only once had he acted on it like this... I'd been weak then.

Now, he was just stealing.

'Not bad,' he said breathily, observing that he was having an enormous effect on me. His hands moved slowly up my back and a thin sheen of sweat made his chest shimmer in the candlelight. I felt uncomfortably hot, myself. It was like he'd started a fire inside me, and it wouldn't stop until my body was ash. 'Tell me...has _he_ ever kissed you like that?'

'No,' I said, before bitterly adding, 'He, unlike you, actually cares if I'm enjoying it.'

His eyes narrowed.

'Oh. Is that right?' he asked coldly.

I didn't say anything, realizing he was probably posing that question as a rhetorical one. Any more goading from me would have just added alcohol to his already climbing flames.

He started backing me towards his bed. An overwhelmed sigh of fear fled my throat, too soft and pitiful to catch his attention. Just as I felt the mattress behind my knees, he pushed me back, falling on top of me.

The fact that we were both very naked was suddenly brought to my attention. I could feel him against me, hot and oppressive. I couldn't breathe properly...everything was a blur of fear and heat.

Rose petals surrounded me endlessly. I despised them. Their scent overpowered my senses, disorienting me further. His arms trapped me, and his corrosive breath singed my moist skin. He rained kisses over my neck and face as his hands caressed me everywhere. I felt violently sick. I hated this. I hated him. I hated how I couldn't fight back...

And amidst all this hate, there was a tiny but _wicked_ part of me that relished what he was doing to me.

At that moment, I hated myself most of all...

He was grinning down at me. His eyes flashed, a fiery animal awakening within him. Something in him had recognized that instant of pleasure inside me, and he _knew_. He knew that he had me and he was never going to let me forget it.

'I've_ found you_...' he hissed with glee.

'No!' I tried to deny it, to take it back, but I couldn't delete what he'd seen. And then he was kissing me, and I was burning. The flames licked and twisted within, scorching every part of me that claimed to be alive. My heart remained as cold as ice. If anything, it chilled even more as each minute passed. It protected me from surrendering completely to something so despicable.

He buried his face against my neck, biting and grazing his teeth there. I moaned apologies to no one in particular and he laughed at me. His acidic lips moved further down, kissing my chest.

'Has he made you feel this good?' he demanded against my skin.

It was hard to remember... I would have never have described this feeling as "good." It was terrible. Surely, this feeling was what turned the innocent into sinners, what drove good people to kill... it was dark and stained with blood and fire, but it was coveted. This feeling was carnal - we could never admit how much we craved it...

'No...' I wheezed, pressing a hand against my face, burning from humiliation.

This dangerous state of mind was not appealing. It was unpredictable and painful...fuelled by hate and passion. I'd take Jesse's gentle love over this any day. I didn't want to feel like this... any pleasure in this was destroyed by the shame.

Paul shifted down further, trailing kisses down my stomach and then to my thighs. I cried out openly. A thrill shot throughout my entire body, jarring me. I didn't want it...I didn't want _any_ of it...

My fingers scrunched a handful of bedsheets and rose petals. Sweat, incense, fire and flowers worked their evil spell on my mind, intoxicating me and leaving me deadened for his assault. I could feel his hands, holding my legs open. His nails bit into my skin whenever I struggled...

I could feel him...his lips, his burning kisses...

I didn't want it.

Laying there, keenly vulnerable, I panted hotly. 'Stop...' I begged, sinking to the level where I pleaded with him. _'Please_...no more...'

He ignored my requests, only showing that he had heard me by kissing me there with more intensity. My fingers felt as if they would break from clenching so hard. 'I'll bet he's never done _this_ to you,' Paul murmured with amusement, lifting his head to smirk at me.

'Stop it...' I whispered weakly.

'But you don't want me to,' he assured me. I didn't know what to believe anymore. Was he telling the truth? Did I really want it to be over...?

I...yes.

I did.

A rush of courage descended upon me. I bent my knee, placed a foot on his shoulder, and kicked.

_Hard_.

He fell away from my completely with a shout of surprise. I scrambled dizzily, pulling sheets over me to deny him a sight that wasn't rightfully his.

'I said stop!' I yelled at him. 'You've done enough!'

He stood up, ablaze. _'You_ don't get to decide that,' he scowled at me. He knew he'd been close, and that terrified me.

'Don't you think it's pretty low that you had to steal the guy I _actually_ love away from me and threaten him - _and_ me, in order for me to even agree to this?' I scathed, my voice shaking everywhere. 'How can you even go through with this?'

His flushed angrily. 'Shut up.'

'No!' I dared to defy him, forgetting what the consequence might be, 'What's to be won? I will _never_ want you like I want him. How _could_ I? You're barely human. This is just proof of that - '

'SHUT UP!' he roared.

His hand caught one of my ankles and he jerked me back towards him. Frightened, I tried to kick him away again but he was ready. He held me down despite my constant string of profanities and my thrashing. I couldn't do this. I know I only had myself to blame for riling him up like that, but I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't do that to Jesse… Surely there was another way! I needed to get out, and I needed to find a different way of freeing him from wherever he was trapped, because I couldn't do this -

But apparently, all that mattered was that _he_ could.

I knew it was going to happen when he reached over the side of the bed, and picked up something small and square-shaped. He tore the packet open quickly. I couldn't watch. I just stared at the ceiling, suddenly motionless.

I finally understood what he meant... it didn't matter what I thought anymore. He was the final word. He was the _only_ word, now.

He crawled over me like a predator about to take the first bite into its prey. His eyes, so hauntingly pale, only mocked my fear. They thrived off of it.

'Finally,' he breathed into my hair. I shivered at his voice. 'It's me that's in control now. Have I broken you down enough?'

I moaned softly.

'...Yes,' he decided. 'I've done enough.'

For a split second, a shining ray of pure hope was in sight. Was that it? Was he going to let me leave now? He said –

This hope was killed only a second later when I felt him force his way into me. I gasped sharply, my fingers clawing into his back in pain. He groaned in satisfaction.

And it was done.

I tried so hard to be somewhere else. I tried to think of anything but the reality that was too horrible to be true. I tried to concentrate on the ceiling, and the small smudge in the corner. Someone really should… clean that off...

The ceiling disappeared, and all I saw was darkness. I retreated there for a while, hiding from grasping hands and the pain I felt. His erratic breathing and his words of pleasure fell on deaf ears. He mumbled how beautiful I was once or twice. I didn't care though. I couldn't care about anything anymore... It wasn't just the physical pain that devastated me. That actually wasn't as hard to deal with as the knowledge that, after all this fighting, he'd won.

_I'd lost._

I was going to keep losing...

I'd lost Jesse; I'd lost my freedom, my choice, my innocence...

He would just keep taking until I had nothing left to give. When would he stop? And would I survive once he'd finished with me?

Probably not.

It was actually over pretty quickly. I thought it would last longer... With a final shudder and a low sigh, he stopped moving and just collapsed on top of me, holding me like I was precious; beautiful.

I wasn't.

I tried to vanish. If I was somewhere else, then I wouldn't have to be here. I wouldn't have to listen to lies and insults coming from lips that had just killed me. If only I knew how to dematerialize, like the ghosts did… Then I could have escaped this madness.

But I didn't. I couldn't do anything anymore.

He rolled from his position, staring up at the ceiling like I was. I turned my face a little, mildly surprised to see that he didn't look as happy as I'd expected. In fact, it was shock that graced his features. I saw him swallow guiltily, as if he too were in pain...

Then he twisted around and saw me watching, and his face darkened angrily.

'What?' he demanded.

I just blinked at him wearily. Words were so damn useless...

With a final broken stare, I turned on my side, away from him. I pulled the sheets over me. Without him flush against me like that, drenching me in unbearable heat, I felt freezing.

But then he destroyed my dismayed stupor completely. His hand clapped over my shoulder and he jerked me flat on my back again.

'No,' he snapped. 'No, we're...we're not done yet. You d-don't get to turn away. I decide when - ' he swallowed again, and ended simply with, 'We're _not_ done.'

A chill traveled across my skin.

He shifted back on top of me, glaring down at me. 'Stop _looking_ at me like that!' he rasped. 'This is...this is _your_ fault.'

I just nodded.

'Stop it!' he yelled, shaking me. '…You're not supposed to agree with me!'

I was confused, but I tried not to let it show. No need to provoke him again, I guess.

In a voice that sounded nothing like the Paul Slater I knew, he whispered, _'Say_ something...'

I felt emptier than I ever had before. I merely stared at him.

Anger flared up once again inside him. 'Fine,' he spat. 'I'll show you.'

He did.

It didn't seem to make a difference.

_So… am I still innocent, Jesse? _

_I think not._

**-F&I-**

**Please review... **


	11. In Your Dreams

**Thank you once again for reading this so faithfully. Your reviews are awesome, and very comforting. I – Lolly – am just about to start my last year of high school, so I was eager for me and Steph to get a chapter up before the fateful first day of twelfth grade came to pass.**

**(Cue the Funeral March here.)**

**We hope you enjoy this chapter. Steph's quite eager to write the next one, so hopefully its successor won't be too far off.**

**Till exorcism do us part,**

**- Love Lolly and Stephanipple.**

**(Cue Steph smacking Lolly now.)**

**OW.**

**P.S. Thanks to Em the Grammar Communist for proofreading.**

-F&I-

I don't know how I managed to fall asleep.

I can only suppose that it was the sheer exhaustion of everything that allowed my consciousness to finally give out. Never in my life could I pinpoint a moment where I had felt as empty as I did then. It was as if I was a shell, or a vacant house… rich emotions had once resided within me, but now they had withered and died.

Perhaps I had passed out? I couldn't remember much of it. Maybe I'd just crashed from the pressure of it all. Oh, I hoped I had… it might have inspired some small measure of regret within him, making him reflect over what he had done. What he'd destroyed.

Whatever had happened, it didn't change the fact that I had spent the night with him.

There was no way of knowing what the time was when my eyes cracked open. The sun had barely risen, and there were still a few candles flickering weakly on the desk against his transparent wall.

I was curled on my side against the warm mattress, folding my arms as close to my body as I could. One of his arms was beneath my head, acting as an uncomfortable but undeniably warm pillow, while the other held me against his chest. I could feel his breath, soft and constant, fluttering in my hair.

What would it be like now? Maybe now that he'd finally conquered me, he'd leave me alone… maybe he just enjoyed the chase, and the prize wasn't nearly as good as he'd originally thought it to be. Maybe it'd all be over… he'd get bored of me and release Jesse from his nether-prison…

Or maybe…this had only just begun.

An icy shiver raced down my body, filling me with a terrible foreboding.

Last night had been hell. I had nothing to be proud of about myself anymore. I hadn't fought back. I hadn't foiled his nefarious plans with an ingenious scheme to save the world. I'd simply…let it happen. I defined the word pathetic.

The brief flashes of pleasure were welcomed, after a while… it distracted me from my intense self-hatred. I felt dirty, and contaminated… I was a _disease_… I was almost glad that Jesse wasn't here. That meant he couldn't see me like this. He couldn't look upon the girl he once loved, only to see a weak-willed, useless whore standing before him. I wouldn't have been able to live with that look of disgust…of disappointment.

I could barely live with myself now as it was.

Twisting a little, I gently hoisted my upper body up a bit. Did he feel me move? He gave no indication...

Slowly, I inched away from him, careful to not disturb the mattress too much so as not to wake him up. Then I'd have to deal with one of the worst conversations of my existence, second only to the one I'd have to have with Jesse when I faced him again.

…_If_ I faced him again.

I was off the bed. A horrible wave of sickness polluted my stomach when I glanced down at myself and remembered that I was naked. I mean, I knew… but seeing, and… with him so close, and now that sunlight flooded his room…

I didn't want him to see me any more than he absolutely had to.

About half a minute had passed when I realised I wasn't breathing. A flutter of dizziness and a tightness in my chest alerted me to this fact. Carefully placing my hand over my lips, I sucked in a gasp of undeserved air and then scrambled around for my clothes… Hell, I didn't care whose clothes they were anymore, as long as I could get covered and then get _out _of here. I pulled on my underwear quickly, my hands shaking with shame. Then my skirt…

Creak.

I straightened up sharply.

…He had just rolled on his back, but had not woken. His lids remained closed and he continued to breathe deeply. I was amazed at how innocent he could look in the light of sunrise. How could someone so peaceful have done something so atrocious to me?

It didn't seem plausible.

My heart refused to slow. I turned around and seized my top, tugging it on in a frenzy of fear. I needed to get out of here. This room reeked of incense and morning.

As I was sliding into my shoes, I threw a glimpse over to him to reassure myself that he was still sleeping –

– When I got the _shock of my life_.

He was sitting up in his bed, just…staring at me.

I gasped in alarm. Even though it was only a tiny sound, I knew he heard me. There was no other sound to hide it. Everything was dead quiet.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't even summon the courage to profess my undying hatred for him. Nothing seemed appropriate after what had gone down last night. What was I supposed to say? _"Don't do it again_"? I knew he would. He'd as good as promised that already. "_I'm leaving now_"? He'd try to stop me if I gave him warning…

While my mind was racing in twisted circles over what my words of choice would be, I didn't even realise that he wasn't saying anything either. Surely this would be the perfect opportunity to gloat… to smirk at me triumphantly, and tell me when he next expected to see me. I could almost hear the arrogant laugh in my head as he gleefully told me that I wasn't allowed to go yet. Not until he said so.

…But he didn't say a word.

He just stared at me with wary eyes.

This made me even more edgy. I hadn't been expecting silence. Not in a million years.

And with a single blink, he looked away from me.

Suddenly, I didn't care that he was awake anymore. I'd been ready to leave before I knew, so I just continued with that mission. He didn't want me here. If he had, he would have ordered me to stay. Even if he had done so, I would have gotten out of there. I needed to be away… I needed to breathe.

I ran my hand through my hair hurriedly, before tearing my gaze from him completely and getting myself right out of there. My knees felt as if they would shatter as I flew down the stairs. Once on the bottom landing, I just stood there, unable to move.

How many times more would I be tearing from his room after a night of abuse? When would this _end_? Had this been anything else, then it would have ended when I _said_ it did. But this was Paul Slater. He was…something else.

I wasn't sure how long I was standing there, but before long I noticed that someone was calling my name. Granted, they were saying it wrong, but still, "Susan" obviously meant me.

After following the voice reluctantly, I ended up in the lounge room where Dr. Slaski, Paul's grandfather, was sitting dully in his wheelchair before a plasma-screen TV that took up a large portion of the wall. I gripped the doorframe tightly for support.

The old man didn't even look at me.

'Don't come back,' he said. It wasn't a threat. It was advice.

I didn't even ask how he knew. It seemed to make some weird kind of sense that he did. It didn't matter exactly how much he knew… all that mattered was that he sensed the danger that surrounded his grandson.

'I don't have a choice,' I whispered.

'There's _always_ a choice,' he said gruffly. '_Always._'

I shook my head. 'Not this time…'

He turned his spotted, balding head and looked at my fiercely with rheumy blue eyes. Paul's eyes. 'I warned you. I told you this would happen, Susan. You should have stayed far away from that boy.'

To my horror, my eyes began to burn. He was right. I should have listened. I should have done anything within my power to keep Paul from falling deeper into this obsession with me.

'I wanted to,' I breathed, pointlessly trying not to reveal that I was crying. 'But he threatened someone that I loved.'

The old man closed his eyes heavily, as if in pain. His wrinkled skin looked almost translucent with age.

'Poor girl,' he muttered, now to himself. 'Should have stayed away…'

Angrily, I wiped my eyes. I knew that _now_. Everything's fantastic in retrospect, isn't it? I would have done a million and one things differently if I could go back and change it all.

I turned to leave.

'Susan,' he grunted. 'Wait.'

Wearily, I swung my gaze back to his. 'What?' I demanded. 'Or are you just going to tell me again what I _should _have done? Because yeah. _Not_ helpful.'

'No, you silly girl,' he scowled, rolling his eyes irritably. This action seemed a bit too hasty for him – so much so that he coughed violently from the apparent strain. I waited until he was fit to speak once more. He blinked slowly, and swallowed. 'This is just the beginning. The path that that bastard boy's on is a dark one… he'll destroy. He'll hurt. He'll chase power… and he won't be stopped. Not until… everything's gone. It'll be too late then. He won't care about the final punishment until it's all gone…'

My eyes widened.

His eyes then softened. 'Leave,' he pleaded. 'Your ghost is gone. There's no helping him. Save yourself, girl.'

'He's _not_ gone!' I hissed at him. 'Don't you _dare_ say that!'

He stared at me strangely.

'Ah,' he acknowledged finally, his lips twitching in a horrible smile. 'I see… why he pursues you so…'

I gave him a disgusted look. What the hell good was he?! Sitting there, shoving cryptic messages my way… _stupid_ old man… Did he have anything useful to say? Or would he keep telling me to give up on the man I loved and save my own skin? If that was the type of thing that _he'd _do, then he was a fucking coward.

'I'll save him,' I said vehemently. 'You'll see… I'll bring him back.'

'In your dreams,' he replied.

This time, I didn't stop as I tried to leave. I knew if I stayed, I'd do something that I'd later regret.

_Idiot_.

I stamped out of the house, blinded by self-pitying tears. I'd just had the worst night of my life, and I hadn't appreciated the words of a psycho old freak telling me that this storm had only just begun…

_Not_ what I wanted to hear.

Throwing myself into my car, I stole a blurry look at the clock radio. It was five thirteen in the morning. I drove home faster than I'd ever driven. My speed was definitely of the very-illegal variety. It was almost within seconds that I was pulling up in my driveway.

In my past, I'd been quite the stealthy delinquent. I would sneak in and out of the house as if I myself were a ghost. However, now… I just have the will to care.

I probably should have, though. It would have avoided the scene which was soon to unfold.

My keys rattled as I twisted them roughly until at last the door budged. I went inside, slumping against the wall. Could I trust these walls to protect me from him?

…Probably not.

That's when Max rushed up to me, barking excitedly.

'Shhh!' I shushed desperately, but it appeared that those who were in danger of waking up were not in fact, asleep.

They were in fact, waiting in the kitchen.

For me.

'Suze?' my mother's voice called frantically. I heard a flurry of footsteps fly towards me. Oh God… How the _hell_ did she find out that I'd gone out? I'd left at midnight! She and Andy were usually snoring by then!

'Um,' I mumbled, wanting so desperately to be alone, 'Yeah…'

She seized me, embracing me tightly. Andy was standing behind her, glaring at me as if I'd put him through a night's worth of unnecessary consoling. 'Oh my God, Suze… I was out of my _mind_ – I didn't know where you were – '

'I was out,' I shrugged as she let go.

Her concerned front immediately fell. 'Where were you?' she demanded. 'I tried to call your cell phone! You left it in your room! Why would you do that? What if there was an emergency?' She shook the phone in question at me in a threatening manner.

Not now…

'You were asleep,' I muttered in a would-be careless tone.

That was when a tired Brad thudded down the stairs, presumably to tell us to stop shouting. However, when he saw me getting my head bitten off, he took a seat cheerfully, eager to watch the show.

A surge of hate arose hotly within me for my step-brother.

'You know better than to go out at night! God, Suze! I thought we were past this rubbish! I thought that you left these habits back in New York where they belonged! And now I find that you've been _sneaking out_ – '

'She always sneaks out,' Brad chimed in. 'To meet some guy named Jesse.'

'No,' I moaned.

'WHAT?' Mom exploded, her eyes rounding on my like two raging wolves. 'Is that _true_?'

My head was throbbing. I just wanted…I needed… to be away –

'Yeah,' babbled Brad wildly, 'And he comes into her room at night sometimes as well. I can hear her talking to him. He's in there almost every ni – '

'Shut up!'

'Brad, _get back to bed,_' Andy, furious. The son grumpily obliged.

Mom's eyes narrowed. 'Was he telling the truth, Susannah?'

I covered my face with my hands.

NOT NOW. NOT AFTER _EVERYTHING_. I COULDN'T DO THIS…

'No – ' I mumbled, but she didn't believe me for a second.

'Don't you lie to me, young lady!' she shrilled. 'I thought you'd changed. I thought that Carmel was… a fresh start, for both of us. I was so proud of you! But if you're going to be sneaking out again, doing God knows what, getting brought home by the police – '

_Twice_. Only _twice_ that's happened.

I wanted to be sick. My head pounded madly, spinning out of control, screaming obscenities inside my mind. I could hear sirens, shouts, wordless yodels. I was burning… hot, scorching, suffocating...

' – then _how_ can I trust you? You're not to see this "Jesse" boy anymore. If he didn't have the decency to introduce himself to us, then he's _not _the kind of boy that you're going to be with! And you are grounded like you've _never_ been before, Susannah! I'm so _angry_ at you – '

I clutched my head, pulling at my hair, trying not to fall…

'Helen, is…is she okay?' Andy asked, his voice suddenly uneasy.

'What's wrong with you?' Mom demanded severely. 'Have you – _have you been doing drugs?_'

'No…' I murmured. The pain plagued my mind, tearing at my sanity.

'If I _find out_ that – ' Mom began, but Andy pacified her. He came and stood in front of me, holding my chin carefully and pulling my clawed hands away from my face. He stared at me. I could see all the lines of his face… I'd never seen him that close before.

'Her pupils are normal,' he assured my mother, who gasped in relief. 'She's not on anything.'

As soon as he released me, I clapped my rigid hands back to my head, trying to will the monstrous ache away. My face was screwed up against the pain. It was growing… and it wouldn't stop growing until –

'Suze,' Mom was slowly calming down. 'Where did you go last night? What happened? Why… why are you like this?'

'I can't…' I whispered.

I felt Andy's clammy hands on my shoulders. 'Suze,' he said in a soothing tone. 'Tell us what – '

I ripped myself away from him, glaring at the both of them. Again, I felt a toxic hatred swelling inside of me. It scared me so much… like I'd been infected with something that I couldn't control… 'It's _none of your business_,' I said savagely. 'Stay out of it – '

'Come on,' Andy tried to coax, but I flipped. 'You're NOT MY DAD!' I yelled. 'Stop trying to convince yourself that you are!'

A photo frame behind him fell off the wall and shattered loudly.

I jolted, terrified.

…A ghost hadn't caused that.

'Susannah Simon!' Mom huffed in shock. 'Don't you talk to him like that –'

But after snatching my cell phone away from her, I was out that stupid door before they could say "No Pocket Money Ever Again."

I heard them both yelling at me to come back. They were pissed. I'd never seen my mom that angry… not since some of my worst New York days. I just flew back into that car, and sped out of Pinecrest like there was a starved, crazy pack of lions on my tail.

And I kept driving until I was spilling out of the car, desperately running for the rectory.

I was falling apart a _lot_ sooner than I'd expected.

Was I really this weak?

Once I'd dashed through the aisle of thorny rosebushes, I hammered on the heavy wooden door for a minute straight. No one was answering…_why_ wasn't he awake? Didn't he know I _needed_ him? I needed him _now_, _now_ –

The door creaked open guardedly. A waspish pair of eyes landed on me. 'Excuse me,' a sister berated, 'It is barely six o'clock, so can you please keep it down – '

'Father Dominic!' I yelled, ignoring her.

'Calm yourself!' the sister hissed, swatting at my hand on the doorframe, 'I'll go get him for you – '

I burst in past her. 'FATHER DOMINIC!' I cried, my voice resonating off of the tall roof.

'Now, _really_!' the frazzled nun snapped. 'Wait outside, and I'll – '

'What is it?' a deep, rusty voice asked me.

I launched myself at him, throwing my arms around him madly. 'Oh my God,' I blasphemed carelessly, 'Father Dom, I can't do this… I can't lie anymore – '

'Father, should I have her removed?' the sister asked nervously, obviously seriously convinced that I was going to massacre the rectory there and then.

'No,' he said firmly. Then to me, he murmured, 'Susannah, please… just – come now, just follow me into my room and we can talk there – '

I didn't want to let go. In my arms was a beacon of good, of light. My own protector had been wrenched from my grasp. I couldn't give up this one. I wouldn't. I wanted to stand behind him and let him fight for me. I wanted to be the coward. I wanted to curl up somewhere that was safe and warm, and I wanted someone to sing me to sleep. When I woke up, I wanted the world to be as it should. I wanted the skies to be blue. I wanted the thunder and the lightning to go away. I needed to see the sun again…

But you don't always get what you want.

Within moments, I was on Father Dominic's couch. He was locking his door and closing his windows. He came to sit beside me, staring curiously at me, his baby blue eyes filled to the brim with deep concern. 'Susannah,' he began gently, not wanting to press too hard in case I went off the deep end again. 'What happened?'

My sanity was sliding every second that Jesse was away. Would I become a nutjob if he was away for too long? Would I get locked up? Would my head ever stop hurting like it wanted to split open and let the demonic force within escape?

Despite my hysterical state, I didn't betray my most shameful secret. Instead, I told him only of how Paul had sent Jesse away. I told him about the deal, but not a word slipped of exactly what I'd done to keep up my end of the unfair bargain. I only revealed that I was being made to "spend time" with him.

'…And I wanted to tell you,' I rushed, 'But I was trying to get him back on my own – but I can't. I can't do this on my own… and I didn't know where to go – '

'Oh, my child,' Father Dominic sighed, patting my back sympathetically while I cried heavily on his shoulder. 'I'm so sorry…'

'But – ' I sat up dead straight, regarding him with terrified eyes, 'You can't do anything! He said – he said that he was going to do something to get back at you for your part in his power stripping! You can't… he's going to – '

'There is very little Paul Slater can do to intimidate me,' Father Dominic promised me. 'Susannah, stop crying… I know how awful you must feel right now – '

He didn't know the _half _of it.

' – But now we need to think of what we are going to do to retaliate. If I understand you correctly, then Paul is messing with dark magics that are very dangerous.'

'Of COURSE he is! He – '

'We need to stop him before he hurts somebody.'

Too late…

'Or himself. He may get in too deep before we can save him – '

'SAVE HIM?' I screeched. 'Why the hell should we save HIS sorry ass? He sent Jesse away! We need to save JESSE! Paul can burn in hell after what he did to me and Jesse! I mean – ' I froze. 'I mean, to Jesse. Just… Jesse.'

The priest didn't catch my slip up. Or if he did, he never imagined exactly what Paul could have done to me to get me in such a state of defeat. In fact, he still seemed determined that Paul had fallen victim to his predatory powers and needed our help and guidance in order to emerge from his addiction to the dark side of shifting, intact.

'…And after it's all over,' Father Dom smiled soothingly, 'When he's realised the terrible road he could have travelled, he will give Jesse back to you.'

'Bull,' I retorted. 'I'm sorry to burst your little Roman Catholic bubble, Father D, but not everyone has good in them.'

He rubbed his head tiredly, as if disappointed in me for thinking this way. I guess he'd hoped that I'd change my view of the human condition under his mentoring, and that I'd see the potential humanity in everyone. I didn't have his blessed eyes, though. I saw people for what they were. Good… or evil.

'Do you have any idea where he might be keeping him?' Father Dom changed the topic quickly, deciding to be productive rather than to get into an argument with me in this dangerous state of mind.

I drew a breath, and held it.

'No! If I knew where he was, he'd be OUT OF THERE by now!'

He waited patiently for me to settle again.

'Think,' he urged. 'Has he…given _any_ indication?'

'Uh,' I frowned heavily, trying to think. As opposed as I was to remembering anything about…it, I had to try. Had he mentioned anything? Some crucial speck of evidence that would help us?

I…I couldn't remember anything. I just wanted to forget everything that had happened –

Wait!

'He said – ' I spluttered in a sudden panic, 'He said…forgetting. A plane of forgetting! That it's a place that… sucks life essence or something until they don't exist anymore. Oh God…' I murmured. 'What if we're too late? Or what if we bring him back and he's only half there? What if he comes back…_wrong?_'

'Susannah,' Father Dominic's voice rose above mine, claiming authority. 'Calm down! You're no good to Jesse when you're hysterical. You need a clear head. Now…' he trailed off, looking reminiscent. He traced his finger over his temple, as if trying to draw out a memory. 'I…I may know what you are talking about. The Forgotten Plane, he called it?'

'Plane of forgetting,' I corrected, my heart starting to beat faster. Was there a way to get him back without having to bend to Paul's will? Could I avoid a night like last night again? Oh God…please let this be the answer –

'Yes, but it's called the Forgotten Plane, I believe,' he mused, concentrating on the opposite wall. 'There are many theories about exactly how many planes of existence there are… some say seven, others claim that there are thirty one – and you and Jesse are living proof that the astral plane is as real as the physical plane. But there's believed to be another that some past mediators have theorized. It's not concrete information, but they believed that there was final plane entwined with our own…'

I stared at him with eyes so wide that they were beginning to sting. 'How do you _know_ this stuff?'

He blinked. 'It was detailed in some of my books…most of which went missing – '

'Paul stole them,' I said bluntly.

He groaned. 'Yes… I guessed as much.'

Anxious to hear more of how we planned to rescue Jesse, I cut him off impatiently. 'What else do you know?'

He rubbed his brow. 'Well, these mediators speculated that this final plane was…well, a wasteland. I have no knowledge of limbo, or reincarnation, but this plane is…worse. It's like a dumping ground for excess energy – or in this case, a ghost. It dissolves whatever is cast there. I've read of mediators sending objects there. Forbidden artefacts and whatnot. But… sending something with a consciousness, I've never _heard_ of such a – ' he broke off suddenly, his hand gripping the side of the couch very hard. 'Good Lord… Paul's trying to…_erase_ him.'

'_What_?' I demanded. I didn't know what it meant. But it scared me to death and beyond.

Father Dom, realising that any destruction-of-Jesse talk would pitch me headfirst into a bottomless abyss of despair, offhandedly shrugged his shoulders. 'They're just _theories_ of course. Mere brainstorms of half-mad mediums who probably had very little to do in their day, other than philosophize of all the possible – '

'…Erase?'

My voice died, mid-word.

He looked away guiltily.

'Father Dominic,' I said, my voice low. 'Please, just tell me. Is it… reversible? If he's… erased from existence, is there _anything_ we can do to get him back?'

After staring at his hands for an eternity, he slowly shook his head.

'I don't believe so. Once he's gone, he's gone – across all levels of time and space.'

My skin suddenly felt too tight, like thousands of tiny hands were squeezing my body, digging their nails into me deeply. I pressed my teeth down on my tongue, trying to hold back the moan of misery that was throbbing, _aching_ to be let loose.

It was starting to sink in…

Paul had trapped him in this awful place: a place that destroyed him no matter what I did. It just took a lot longer. There was _nothing _I could do to undo the damage that was inflicted upon him. Paul was counting on my undying devotion to Jesse, saying that the sooner I played his sick game, the sooner I'd have Jesse in my arms again. But this… this could have gone on for weeks. Months, even. Or…years.

And there was no guarantee that, after Paul had finally been cured of his obsession with me, he'd let Jesse go. No… he'd probably be content in just letting him rot there, gradually fading into non-existence.

He probably even knew I knew all of this. He also knew that, despite the odds, I'd try. And until I knew for sure that there was _no_ hope left, I'd play the obedient little girl.

My voice was suddenly devoid of all emotion.

'Father Dominic,' I said, gazing at nothingness before me. That's what Jesse would be if I wasted this precious time. Nothing… A memory. 'Is there _any_ way for us to save him?'

The priest's hand slid over mine sadly. 'Susannah, I'm so sorry,' he sighed, helpless. 'I simply don't know…'

'Right,' I shrugged, cracking a smile in an attempt to appear well-adjusted with this nightmare. I wasn't fooling anyone, though…

Who on earth, or any of the stupid goddamned planes of existence could be well adjusted to THIS? I still reeked of a night of humiliating degradation; my one true love, the one that was prophesized to survive for all time, was trapped in a wasteland where he was slowly fading away all together; I had bought into a deal with a new brand of evil that had _no _intention of letting me go without my soul ripped to pieces… and I could already feel myself dying. My world was being violently crushed. Everything was dark. My cloud _definitely_ didn't have a silver lining.

I slumped back on the little brown rectory couch, feeling so powerless. I couldn't stop this… I knew it, Paul knew it, and Father Dom knew it. He just wasn't saying it. I was glad, I guess. As soon as he did, I'd lose even more hope that I'd escape this chaotic hell.

'But look,' he began, a sudden zest for action lacing his words, 'I will do _everything_ I can to find out more of this plane. Don't give up, Susannah. Just stay away from him for as long as you can. We'll make this right.' He paused, looking pensive. 'Perhaps I should go talk to him – '

'No!' I jerked upright wildly. 'No – Father D, he very specifically made a threat against you. He said he'd get you back for your part in his power-stripping as well. Stay AWAY from him! I don't want anything to happen to you. Not you too…'

He looked momentarily touched, but shoved all sentiment away. 'Susannah. There's very little that Paul Slater can do to harm me. Don't worry about me on top of everything else. I will be perfectly fine.'

'But – '

'_Perfectly_,' he reinforced, looking stubborn.

I closed my eyes sadly, leaning my head against my hand, letting my dank hair spill around my face. I felt so…gross. Despicable. Stained…

Ruined.

'This isn't fair…' I breathed. 'Why did he have to do this to us?'

Father Dominic didn't answer. He had no holy words of comfort, telling me that this was God's plan or something, and that I'd be saved from it all.

Probably because I wouldn't be saved. Not unless I saved myself.

And Jesse…

And if Father Dom was right, I was supposed to save Paul too; save him from this power that was eating him alive and forcing him to behave in this terrible way.

I knew better, though.

This power wasn't the cause of Paul's darkness. It was merely the fuel. _He_ was the cause. His obsessive ways, his ambition, his deadly desire to be in control… I mean, I apparently had shifting powers too. Was _I_ annihilating ghosts right and left? Was _I_ threatening and blackmailing everyone around me? Was _I_ hurting people?

No.

It didn't mean anything that my powers were severely underdeveloped in comparison with that of Paul's. I was convinced that if I ever began channelling the same force as he did, I'd be able to stay true to myself, and I'd _never_ hurt anyone. I'd be able to stop.

With a sigh, I stood up.

'Where are you going?' Father Dom asked quickly.

I laughed humourlessly, not facing him. The thought of going home right now was ridiculous. I didn't dare face CeeCee after how rude I'd been yesterday… not until I was good and ready to apologise properly. I couldn't go to STAB. It was too… _normal_. That normality seemed like a painful memory. I felt as though I didn't belong there anymore. I was in another world now. A dark world.

Paul's world.

'You know what?' I said, drained. 'I don't know.'

-F&I-

I spent most of the day on the beach, sitting in a cave of rocks that shielded me from the beating sun. At the best of times, the pain in my heart was merely intolerable. At the worst, it left me without air as I struggled to keep it together. My thoughts were playing a dangerous game of kiss-chasey inside my mind, tagging each other in a constant buzz of chaos. It was hard to hear the indistinguishable words that my mind was saying. I made bizarre and useless plans of attack to free Jesse, each more stupid than the previous. After many hours of staring blankly at the forever moving water before me, I resigned myself to the fact that there was simply nothing to be done.

I couldn't think of any way to get one up on Paul again. I'd run out of ideas.

And now, I just felt dead.

Hunger started to become a major issue as the sun was starting to set. It made my stomach fold over itself, squirming within me in a rowdy attempt to seize my attention. I didn't want to eat though. I was convinced that I'd just throw it back up again. So what was the point of eating if the satisfaction was only momentary?

I couldn't understand why Jesse had even remained as a ghost. If it was my "destiny" to find him, why was this happening? If he was going to be torn away from me after barely a year of knowing him, then why had I even met him? I felt like I was someone else's idea of a joke. Surely someone was amused by this mockery of a life. Did they think it was funny, to give me a taste of heaven and then take it away again, leaving the taste lingering in my mouth?

It was cruel, that's what it was.

The only thing I was grateful for then, was that I hadn't been plagued by what happened last night. I was doing an excellent job at blocking it out, thank goodness. I don't know if I would have survived the day if all I saw was what had happened.

There's only so many things that you can only experience once. Any more than that, and you break.

I was definitely on the verge of shattering completely. I could feel it. I was usually a pretty tolerant girl, you know? I could handle most things. But Paul knew exactly where I was weakest, and he was hitting those spots, hard and fast. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, after all. And I definitely had a my fragile links.

All I wanted was some comfort. I knew how alone I was in this. It seemed uncanny that Jesse had just disappeared, without leaving any traces of him behind. I didn't own anything that reminded me of him. He had never been able to give me anything...nothing permanent had remained behind for me to cling to.

I just wanted to be close to him again...for him to whisper to me that it would all be okay...

Night came with disturbing swiftness. I was hollow and weak with hunger and thirst. My mind was starting to slow down... it was wonderful. Those relentless thoughts were becoming softer and less frequent. They didn't hurt as much anymore.

With limited energy, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and switched it on, wondering whether to call Mom and apologise to her. It also wouldn't have hurt to ring CeeCee while I was at it. However, before I could even start dialling, my phone beeped excitedly, alerting me that I had eight messages waiting for me, in addition to the ten missed calls.

My thumb pressed dully over the keys, bringing up the text messages that I'd received.

The first one was from my mother.

**"Where are you? I want you home right now Suze! Andy and I are very worried about you, and it's very unfair for you to put us through this."**

Unfair. Yeah. Whatever.

I scanned the list of messages again. The remaining seven were all from the same person.

**"We need to talk."**

**"I want you at my house at 9 tonight."**

**"...I'll take your silence as confirmation that you'll be there. You know what happens if you're not."**

**"Damn it Suze! Answer your fucking phone."**

**"Hello?"**

**"Suze?"**

**"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I can't even sense you! What are you doing????"**

I smiled a little, strangely satisfied by his annoyance. It was ten past nine right now. I wasn't going to show up tonight. He could go jump off a bridge. I'd just say that I didn't have my phone...

I knew I'd pay for not showing up, but somehow I knew that despite any threats, he wouldn't do anything to Jesse. Not this soon… He'd be getting rid of his leverage too early in the game, and he was too smart for that.

I thought back to what Dr. Slaski had said this morning, how there was always a choice. He didn't understand, though. When something dear was at stake, there _was_ no choice.

Paul, on the other hand, understood this perfectly.

I didn't own myself anymore.

And before I knew it, I was crying again. Tears trickled from the corners of eyes that had wept far too much today. Shakily, I stood up, swaying a little from dizziness. I needed something of Jesse's to hold on to. I had to find something – _any_ trace that he'd left… I needed to go to it, and hold it, and lock myself away inside a happy memory where I wasn't hurting like this.

I left the beach behind.

Then, I knew where I had to go.

-F&I-

The Second Time Around Bookstore was closed, as it should be at nine thirty. That didn't matter – I had a key. I rattled it in the keyhole anxiously, thankful that Mr. and Mrs. Hughes were too convinced in humankind's goodness to be bothered with any kind of security system. Once inside the pitch black store, I fumbled blindly to the back apartment.

I needed to go there. It was the last place I'd been happy.

As I was standing inside that room, however, all I could think was, _if Jesse hadn't hesitated, I'd be his. Paul wouldn't have been able to claim that he was the first one to –_

Angrily, I thought of anything else. Anything but what had happened to me the night before. How I'd been pressed back against that bed, _forced_ to pretend that I liked it, forbidden to cry –

Stop it, Suze.

Don't you _dare_ be weak again… You know why it had to happen. It should be enough for you that you saved Jesse, even if it meant he'd get to survive one more day.

Coward.

I ran my hands through my hair, painfully aware that I hadn't yet had a shower that day. He was still all over me… I hadn't washed his fingers and his kisses from my dirty skin…

The lights came on, dimly illuminating the room. Books were strewn across the floor in random categories. There were several hundred more than there had been yesterday, which was going to make my quest a lot harder. I fell to my knees in front of the towering Poetry pile, seizing an armful of books and going through them.

I had to find it… I had to know it was real, and that he'd actually said it. That would mean that he wasn't as far away as he seemed at the moment…

I searched for over an hour for that poem that Jesse had recited to me, long ago on my rooftop. However, it appeared that Lord Byron was dodging me out of spite. I very badly wished that he wouldn't. I needed to be comforted by those words, to hear his voice speaking them to me. I needed more than anything to be told that my heart was still innocent, even if my body wasn't anymore. I needed proof that he had been here; that he'd touched my life.

But I couldn't find it.

The tears were like second nature now. I barely noticed them unless they spilt on one of the pages, making the ink run a little. They fell silently, as if from faulty faucets that outright refused to be shut off completely.

He was slipping further and further away…

Wait!

A cursive word caught my eye from a stack near the back. With hands of a striking snake, I pulled the book toward me. It was entitled _The Oxford Book of English Verse_. I didn't know why, but I knew it had to be in there. I could almost feel him urging me to open it.

I flicked to the index, unsure whether to look up "Lord Byron," or his real name – a name that I did not know. It was all the same, it turned out. "Byron" was in there…

Urgently, I turned the pages, scanning the titles for "She Walks in Beauty."

Pg. 456…520…572… 598…

_Where was 600?_

There was nothing between 598 and 601! The page had been RIPPED OUT! Devastated, I traced my finger down the distinct tear in between the pages that were still there.

I was such a fool…

What? Had I thought that that poem would act as a personal letter written by Jesse, telling me not to be afraid? Why had I suddenly been so obsessed with finding it? It wasn't going to do any good. I had plenty to be afraid of! No words from some dead English poet would cure that fear, no matter _who_ had spoken them to me.

That was the straw that broke my proverbial back.

Disgusted, I slammed the book shut. That was what I got for pouring my faith into a stupid _poem_. Nothing could comfort me except him. He wasn't here. I was alone. I couldn't escape my deal with the incarnated devil, and I'd be doomed to sleep with him until he grew tired of me…

At which point, he'd probably just put me out of my misery and kill me, if I was lucky.

I crawled onto the bed, letting myself down in this poisonous absence of hope. I felt so damned feeble, sobbing on a bed which only offered a nostalgic vision of what could have been. I'd made so many mistakes… carrying around that power source on my neck…letting my fury take me over as I stormed over to Paul's home… allowing him to trick me into giving his powers back…not warning Jesse…

I didn't even _recognize_ myself anymore. Where was the smart, streetwise girl who kicked ass every week? The one who confidently stood up for herself? Who never gave up? Who kept fighting until the bitter end? The one that Jesse had fallen in love with? The girl that Paul had been hoping to gaze down at after he'd fucked her?

She was gone.

I was a pathetic imitation of her… I was what had replaced her after she'd been broken.

I wanted her back… I needed her, if I was going to get out of this wintry hell… I needed her energy, her strength…

But she wasn't here.

She'd been murdered last night. And I, the frozen witness behind her eyes, had just let it happen.

Equally unable to run away from the ocean of darkness that awaited me, I let myself fall as it enveloped me, stealing my consciousness...

…It was only dark for a little while. The only word my mind knew was his name.

I could hear my soul crying for him. It was searching for him. He was nowhere to be seen, though. He wasn't hiding, though… he'd never hide from me. No, he – he was being kept from me. Somewhere strange, and far away. And yet, so very close…

I could feel him, but I couldn't see him. A sensation entered me, beginning at the tip of my spine before flitting elsewhere in my body, filling me with…light.

I began to shine. I stared at my hands. Tiny rays flickered from my fingertips as I wiggled them, testing their capability. Where was this light coming from? Why was it so…bright?

Now, form was starting to appear around me. I saw strong, vertical lines travelling upward, intersecting with other lines, forming edges of shapes. A world was being created. The lines continued to race around me, building structures… chairs – a window, a bed, books –

I was in the STAB apartment again.

Was I awake? Was I still dreaming? I had to be… I didn't normally glow so brightly, right?

Finally, the room was fully formed. I frowned gently, taking in the distinct lack of colour. Everything was grey, dull… hazy. Perfectly still. A colourless fog drifted across the ground, eddying steadily around my legs. I knew it was _supposed_ to be cold…but I felt warm.

I hadn't felt this warm in a long time.

Suddenly, the room flickered. It was like a television that was malfunctioning. The scene distorted, disappeared, before returning. Tiny details in the room had changed. The bed was wrinkled now, as if someone was lying there. No one was in sight, though…

It flickered again. A pile of books had just fallen and had spilled over the ground. I hadn't seen the fall…just the before and after shot.

…This was strange. This wasn't where I belonged, surely.

I stared at the window. I saw lines travelling once again, as if trying very hard to form the edge of something. I couldn't distinguish the shape, though. It was too obscure. Why was I even dreaming this?

I began to shine even brighter. A soft light bathed the floorboards. It was beautiful…_pure_. I looked down at myself again in confusion. My skirt was brown, fingernails pink…why was _I _in colour? How could I be immune to this monochrome world?

The lines that had been zipping around an ever moving form near the window were still moving energetically. There was something there. I narrowed my eyes against the light I was creating, trying to focus on it and bring it to me…

Come on…

And with a single, intense flicker of the apartment, I was suddenly staring at a form that I knew very intimately.

_ Jesse de Silva._

-F&I-

**Please review.**


	12. Her Name is Alice

**Warning: Much longer chapter than usual.**

**Enjoy.**

**Love Lolly and Steph.**

-F&I-

Jesse de Silva…

The only one for whom I would walk to the ends of the earth, just to finally fall into his open arms…

That man was standing before me right now, gawking at me as if I was an impossibility. His mouth was agape and his eyes were so wide that I could plainly see the full circles of his inky black irises. I'm sure my expression was a mirror image of his, though.

He wasn't real, though. He _couldn't_ be. I mean, Jesse was gone. He was trapped somewhere, especially so I couldn't get to him. Therefore, it was impossible that he was actually standing in front of me.

This was…

…This was a dream. Disappointment began to squash me. Oh God. I'd literally felt my heart soar at the mere sight of him, and it was all for nothing. I was just gazing at some amazingly preserved memory. I'd passed out from exhaustion, and I'd entered into a dream world. I guess my desire to see him had been so massive that my subconscious, ever-pleasing, had conjured him up as a source of comfort.

It would have helped if I'd actually _believed_ that he was real, though.

Sorry, subconscious. You have failed, once again.

That said, though… since when did I have this kind of awareness while I slept? When you are caught inside a dream, the oddest thing is that you believe it's actually happening. How could I be so sure that this wasn't reality? Shouldn't I have been lost in oblivious ecstasy, greeting my surreal lover?

Of course I should have.

Upon that thought, a short burst of laughter escaped my lips. I was going mad… maybe I was actually awake, and I was hallucinating the whole thing. I laughed again, unable to repress it.

God, I was insane…

This strange, irrational laughter caused a look of utter perplexity on Dream Jesse's face.

My laughter soon died when he started to move closer to me, still confused – still with an expression of absolute shock. I fell silent instantly, quivering as soon as I felt his hand gently caress my cheek. I closed my eyes and shuddered… Now _this_ was what dreams were made of. My mind had gotten all the details right; his touch had only grown more warm and comforting.

I sighed, making the most of this lie.

The grey, lifeless room surrounding us flickered away, before shortly returning and looking even duller than before if that was at all possible.

'You're so soft…' he whispered in astonishment. 'If you weren't real… how could you be this warm?'

His fingers, perfectly callused, slowly glided from my cheek, down my neck and finally to my upper arm, on which his grip tightened unsurely. I could feel my skin buzzing with life once more. A love that had almost been forgotten was suddenly remembered. I basked in its radiant glow.

'But…how?' he questioned, still shocked.

Why would Dream Jesse be so shocked to see me? Maybe I was just enacting the perfect reunion inside my head as a defence mechanism to my awful predicament. I commended my brain for recreating his gorgeous, gravelly voice… how it made my heart flutter merrily whenever I heard it.

He muttered something to himself in soft Spanish that I couldn't make out. Upon listening closer, I finally caught him saying, '_Nombres de Dios_…you're so bright. Like an angel…'

Angel? After everything that I'd done?

'Boy have you got that one wrong,' I snorted, before quickly coming to my senses. Even if this _was_ a dream, what the hell was I doing cracking stupid jokes when the man I had been dying for since he'd been exiled was standing in front of me?

Dream Jesse himself choked back a nervous laugh, before a smile crept to his lips. _Oh yeah_, I thought gladly, _This is Jesse_. He was always good at making me feel comfortable while I made an idiot out of myself with him.

And God bless him, I think he loved me for it. Idiot and all.

Eager to revel in this dream some more, my fingers went straight to his face. His eyes closed and he shuddered as I lightly smoother over his cheek, feeling the light stubble that he always had. It made my fingertips tingle with familiarity. They then travelled down over his neck and to his muscular chest. The fabric of his shirt felt _so real_… oh, if only it were.

I'd had dreams before this that had felt real, but this one… this was something else entirely. I could _smell _him. I could feel my pulse quickening, hammering twice as fast as my breaths. The texture of his skin – so smooth and firm… I knew him by heart, but this _exact detail_ was beginning to scare me… scare me just enough to make me wonder if maybe, just _maybe_, this wasn't a dream…?

What if I, unable to function any longer in his absence, had managed to shift to him? Could I do that? And how did I know where he was? Was it because of my amazing connection with him? Was I…_was I on the Forgotten Plane_?

In your dreams, Suze.

Just as my mind was beginning to hurt, I suddenly decided that it didn't matter. It didn't matter if it was real or not. Some form of Jesse was with me, in front of me, _touching_ me, and it felt too damn good to let semantics and particulars be of any consequence to me.

I noticed the sharp contrast between the sheer brightness of my body against his, which looked just as grey as the rest of the room. The dingy colour scheme did nothing to dull his beauty, though. He still looked strong and charming, his dark eyes twinkling intelligently at me.

He moved even closer, resting the side of his head against mine. Immediately, raindrops of heaven trickled down over me. He breathed out slowly, the warm air gracing my neck.

'_Querida…_' he whispered, so softly that I was afraid I hadn't actually heard it.

But I had. Oh God, I had.

I'd heard the one word that always sent my heart into a tizzy of transcendent joy. I was his beloved; his sweetheart – _whatever_ it meant…

He pulled back a little, staring down at me with eyes so full of indescribable emotion. 'Your beautiful eyes,' he breathed. 'I never thought I'd see a colour so wonderful ever again…'

That was when he leant his head down to connect with my lips. Unfortunately, a sharp reminder scorched through me like a bolt of lightning. I pushed him away as the shame washed over me. We were silent.

'Susannah,' he said expressionlessly.

I felt my cheeks beginning to burn. This was obviously the part where this dream went fantastically downhill. I'd been hoping that my subconscious wouldn't venture into the realms of apologies. I knew that sooner or later I'd have to tell him what I'd done... I just wanted him to look at me with love in his eyes for just a little bit longer.

Because I feared that the moment I told him what I'd become, I wouldn't see that love again…

'Jesse,' I whispered. 'I – '

However, he pressed a finger gently against my lips to hush the stuttering, fragmented and tearstained confession that had been about to erupt. I didn't understand why, though. I could have been about to say _anything_.

'I know,' he told me.

I went cold. '…What?'

He noticed the alarm in my voice. 'I know what happened,' he clarified. That last sentence was anything but emotionless. It was dripping was anger so fierce that my heart clenched, and I began shaking in silent shame.

He hated me…I guess I couldn't blame him…

I was unable to meet his eye. I was undeserving, now. 'Jesse,' I gasped, 'I'm _so sorry_…' Pain strangulated every single word that escaped my lips. I heard it and cringed at the sound. Suddenly, my hysteria flared. 'I'm sorry! Jesse, please forgive me – _please_! I swear to God, I didn't want – please believe me, I was just trying… he said he'd – '

That was when he grabbed both of my arms, pulling me closer. I waited for the words of disgust…but they never came.

'Susannah,' he successfully stopped my rambles. 'Calm down. It's not your fault… I understand. I know – ' he choked down another mouthful of anger, 'I know that he forced you.'

Despite his obvious forgiveness, I couldn't bring myself to meet his eye. No matter what he said, I'd betrayed him. My intentions didn't matter – all that counted were my actions, which had been so _despicable_ –

'But…what I did –' I moaned sorrowfully, quivering with guilt. Then, Jesse's forefinger and thumb cradled my chin and forced my face upward so I had no other choice but to look him in the eyes.

'What _he _did,' he corrected heatedly. 'Believe me, Susannah, he will pay for what he did to you – what he _forced_ from you!' He shut his eyes hard at that point, quaking with fury. That was when I realised that his anger wasn't at me… it was at Paul.

I wasn't just dreaming…

Abruptly, a hot wave of nausea filled my stomach. Oh my God… he_ knew_. Did that mean he'd…he'd _seen_? The idea of Jesse being forced to watch that – I didn't even want to consider it. The pain he would have felt, the unbridled rage –

'How did you know what happened?' I asked, horrified to know the answer.

Jesse sensed exactly what I was asking. 'No, I didn't see,' he assured me. 'This place, it's… not connected very well with your plane. There is nothing alive here, with the very loose exclusion of myself. However, I can…hear things. Snippets of conversations. It's hard to describe really,' he frowned, his anger dwindling slightly. 'It's like…your radio. Some of the stations come in perfectly, while others are very hard to hear. This place is similar to a station that isn't clear at all. I can still hear what's happening, though… not every word, but enough to understand what's generally going on. I've been following your voice as best as I can… it's all that's kept me sane,' he muttered in conclusion.

I would not be rid of my guilt, though. As far as I knew, I hadn't said anything incriminating that he could have possibly misconstrued as something it wasn't. The thought of him listening to me screaming while Paul –

I shuddered uncontrollably for a moment.

Jesse seized my hands suddenly and brought them very close to his face, holding them there tightly. 'None of that matters though. Susannah, I want you to end this deal you made with Slater. He's holding me here as a hostage just so he has leverage over you. I know that. But I _will _find a way out of here on my own, don't worry. Every day I find tiny cracks. I could just – ' he broke off, frustrated. '…If I could just push at the cracks enough, I might be able to get out of here, back into our planes: the physical and the astral. But you _don't_ have to be a hostage of Slater as well. I don't care what he told you, he is not the only means for me to get out of here… wherever here is.'

'But you don't understand,' I countered, panicked. 'This is…well, I think it's the Forgotten Plane. Father Dom told me what it does – how it kind of makes you gradually fade away, sucking up life essence or something. I don't want anything sucking you up,' I said firmly.

Lovely mental picture, Suze.

He pulled me towards him, cradling my head to his chest.

'I won't get…"sucked up",' he promised me. 'Don't worry, Susannah.'

I had to worry though. _He_ didn't know what this world did. He just knew what he felt was happening to him. Maybe the life-essence-sucking was a silent process that you didn't know was happening until one day, you're just gone…

But Jesse hadn't lied to me before… Maybe he would be okay.

The Forgotten world flickered dangerously. Even he seemed to belong to it – he disappeared for a few instants before returning. He was just as colourless as I was bright…

He must have noticed that I wouldn't be calmed by a simple "don't worry." Instead, he gently led me to the bed, sitting me down. Once beside me, his hand took mine and he traced the outline of it with his fingertip as if he were relishing some glorious new texture – as if my hand were some amazing masterpiece. With every second that passed, I grew less afraid.

'You need to have some faith in me,' he grinned.

He was only smiling to put me at ease. It definitely was working… his warm smile always melted away my icy layers.

I laid my head on his shoulder, trying to drink him all in; his strange otherworldly warmth, the faint scent that I knew so well…

'I have faith in you,' I protested. Just not Paul, who really knew more about this place than Jesse, Father Dominic and I put together. Although, his presence was once again having a profound effect on me. That unintentionally silky voice of his always made me relax. My anxieties were unravelling slowly, and the knot in my brow became smooth as my faith in him swelled. He'd…find a way out some how…

We fell into a comfortable silence. Just being near him – even if this was somehow an awfully convincing trick of my wicked mind – was heaven after everything that had happened. Gradually, we ended up lying down on the bed with me curling around him and my head resting on his chest. He stroked my hair tenderly.

I hoped that this was real _so badly_.

He startled me when he finally spoke. 'I was going to come,' he whispered mysteriously.

Confused, I posed my questioning 'Hmm?'

'To meet you,' his voice went gravelly with emotion, one that sounded as though it had been kept hidden for a while. 'That night. The night this all started… I was going to meet you. To tell you that I loved you.'

Oh my God, I'd almost forgotten. In the disarray of all that had happened that night, my mind had buried our fight on the beach, and the ultimatum I'd given Jesse.

Now I was getting his answer…

'I was going to tell you how much it hurt to be apart from you,' he sighed. 'I need to tell you this now, _querida_. I don't know when I'll see you again, and I don't want to regret – I mean…' he broke off, trying to gather his thoughts. 'I just need you to know this. I was going to say how much I'd missed you, how being without you nearly killed me again. I'd been lonely for a hundred and fifty long, cold years and I handled it well – but _mi Dios_, being away from you for only a small time was so much worse than all those years of solitude put together.'

My whole body felt the opposite of numb. There was life, _everywhere_. I would feel his words so deeply that my soul began to stir.

'Susannah,' he affirmed, 'I chose you. I chose to be with you. I…I just need you to know that. It would be too masochistic to be away from you. I'm far too selfish for your own good, I know, but I was going to tell you all of this and I was going to bring you back to this room, carry you to this bed and make love to you. _Querida, _we will. When this is all over, I will promise to love you with all the respect and awe that you so richly deserve –'

Before he could finish the sentence, my lips had crashed onto his. I couldn't help it. His words had made me forget everything – where we were, what Paul had done – to both me and Jesse – and anything else other than the fact that the love of my life wanted to be with me, and his love was deeper than I could have ever imagined. He wanted me in every sense – emotional and physical. He didn't think I was ruined…**  
**

It was enough to forget the sun, the moon and the stars – to forget the chilling emptiness of the Forgotten Plane. All I could feel was his lips on mine, his body pressing over me and igniting a hope that I thought had died the night before.

But then, everything began to deteriorate. Despite how warm and familiar his hands were, I felt suddenly unworthy. Things were different now…. _I_ was different. A sharp pain caught in my chest, and I couldn't breathe.

Jesse's hands disappeared. They turned into someone else's hands – hands that weren't as gentle. They stroked and caressed me, stealing away secrets that didn't _belong_ to them. My mind blazed in fiery memory, and I couldn't even see Jesse's face anymore. It too had been replaced. Greed and grim satisfaction stared coldly down at me. I gasped in horror.

_No…I didn't want him…I wanted – _

Jesse's face flickered colourlessly back into view, but it began to distort and fade quickly.

'…_Susannah_…_What is happening to y…_'

'JESSE!' I screamed with as much volume as possible. He was lost. I needed him to find his way back to me. He had to follow my voice. He was falling away from me. His warmth was leaving my skin.

How could I have let a stupid memory – which I could barely remember in waking time thanks to my effective repressing – ruin this moment? No… no, not yet – it was too soon… I had to be with him longer! I didn't care if it was real or not! I wouldn't let go! Not when I had him back!

'Jesse? Come back! _Jesse_!'

-F&I-

'Jesse!' I screamed again.

I jerked upright from my position against the mattress. 'Where'd you – '

The Second Time Around Bookstore's apartment surrounded me once again, although there was nothing grey about it. A blinking yellow light hung from the ceiling above me, shining on the multicoloured books that littered the floor around the bed. I rested my hand on my chest, which was heaving as if I'd just run a marathon from here to Timbuktu and back again just for the hell of it. I glanced feverishly around the room once more, praying that it would flicker back to greyscale; _praying _that I hadn't really woken up.

There was no doubt about it, though. I was awake. And a horrible surge of doubt swarmed over me. Had it been a dream? Or had some part of that been real? It had seemed so…

Now I was scared. Unconsciousness had made it so easy to believe. Every word had felt so right – surely my brain couldn't have concocted such an elaborate lie?

I was just moving my hand away from my chest with the intent of leaning on it when it fell on something with a texture that was very different from the anticipated blanket. No… that was paper.

Puzzled, I looked down at it. It was folded, and quite crinkled. I carefully unfolded it, curious as to what it was. It certainly hadn't been on the bed when I had passed out before –

_600_.

That was the first thing I noticed in the corner. Page 600. The page missing from that book I'd been searching for before. My eyes zipped to the top of the paper, and the words they read made my heart thud.

"_**She Walks in Beauty.**_

She walks in Beauty, like the night  
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;  
And all that's best of dark and bright  
Meet in her aspect and her eyes…"

And at the bottom of the page, the authors name glittered up at me as if written in silver ink…

– _Lord Byron (1788–1824)_

It was from him…he'd found the missing page for me so I'd know that he was here… It had been real! It hadn't been just a stupid dream; it had happened! Jesse was many, many planes away from me now, but he'd managed to find a little crack in the barriers that separated us.

This was big.

I scrambled off of the bed, my knees buckling as I did so. A rush of adrenaline pumped invigoratingly through my veins.

_He wasn't gone_…

This world of Paul's suddenly didn't seem as impenetrably dark as it had before. Hope was sparkling before my eyes, in a rainbow of pretty colours. Jesse wasn't gone for good. He hadn't been erased. He wasn't injured…

Oh God, I couldn't _wait_ to tell Father Dominic what I'd found out. I had no idea how I had been able to transport some part of me to Jesse, but I'd managed it. I'd found him.

I remembered our conversation from the Forgotten Plane, and one request from his lips made me stop in my tracks. He'd told me to put a stop to this deal with Paul, assuring me that he'd find his own way out of there. I'd accepted this as an option – a way out. However, back here on Planet Reality, it wasn't as simple as that. I knew it only too well. Paul was more than capable of ripping Jesse right outta that Plane, bringing him to me and destroying him right in front of me. He'd make it as brutal as he possibly could just to make me suffer for my defiance and my rejection. A terrible image of Jesse being gutted by a huge hook crossed my mind. I saw a trickle of blood falling from his mouth, and I stumbled slightly from the morbid sight.

No.

As painful as it was to even consider, I knew that I'd keep having to play along. If anything, it'd buy Jesse time to try and find a way out. I hoped that I wouldn't have to keep at this for too long. Not only would it prolong to suffering for me, but it would also mean that Jesse was more prone to being completely erased from existence as each moment passed. On the Forgotten Plane, I couldn't remember any physical consequences of Jesse being there. He hadn't…looked dimmer, or anything. I supposed that was because it had only been a couple of days. Paul had said it was a very gradual process. I didn't know how long he meant though. A week? A month? Longer?

A _lot_ longer?

I just hoped that, for my sake and Jesse's, he'd find a way out.

Pronto.

-F&I-

I was home by one in the morning. After a brief, but heated argument with my mother – heated on her part, not mine… I was too drained – I crawled up the stairs to my bedroom. I seriously needed something to eat because my strength was non-existent, but pride kept me from going back down to the kitchen to face my accusatory mother. I didn't have the energy for another row about "my behaviour."

Once in my room, I flicked the light on absently. I still felt wired from my vivid reunion with Jesse. Seeing him again, knowing that he was okay, it…had changed me. Not much, but just enough to make me determined to hold on for him. He'd given me back my hope, and my will to survive. I knew that the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't a train now.

I had purpose again. And _she_ was back.

I glanced at my bed, but looked away quickly. My aversion to it confused me still. I didn't understand… it wasn't where… "it" had happened, right? That had been his – a different bed. And I hadn't gone all queasy while catching thirty nine and a half winks on the STAB bed.

Oh well. It didn't matter. It was easier to avoid it than face my issues. That just meant that I was destined for another night on the window seat.

Before even thinking about sleep – there was still excess adrenaline in my system that forbid me doing so – I took a well needed shower, washing every dirty mark off of me that Paul had left. The water melted away the impurity that clogged my flesh, cleansing me of my dutiful sin.

I got out and slipped into some pale blue pyjamas. Just as I was about to go to sleep after setting up a collection of blankets and large pillows on the window seat, my cell phone rang. And I, without thinking – as per damned usual – flicked it open.

'Hello – '

'Oh. _Now_ she answers.'

Immediately, I hung up.

It rang again, of course. It continued ringing for four minutes, starting again when I wouldn't pick up.

Caving, I seized it angrily.

'Paul. This is called "Sleep Time." A little respect?' I spat.

He seemed surprised at my boldness. I guess he would have, seeing as the last time he'd seen me I'd been fleeing from his room after… that.

'My my... Aren't we audacious this evening?' he commented drolly. Although, I noticed the undertone of anger loud and clear.

I was tempted to snap my cell phone shut once more, but I knew only too well that he'd just call back. I could have turned it off completely… but that would just be pushing what I knew was already a very peeved Paul.

'What do you want?' I asked him.

He took a moment before answering. 'I seem to remember telling you that, when I told you to do something, I expected it to be done without question. Can you recall me saying this?' he asked, sounding dangerously calm.

I bit my lip.

'…Yes,' I said finally.

'Oh, good,' he said sarcastically. I almost couldn't believe that he was acting this way. After last night, after his obvious weakness had been exposed so profoundly, it seemed almost unnerving for him to have made such a recovery. But then again… one reunion with Jesse built me back up a little, so it wasn't _that_ far fetched.

'Well, since your memory is _so_ good tonight,' he went on, his voice getting steadily quieter with a certain amount of ice entering his words, 'You'll probably also remember me telling you I wanted to see you at nine tonight.'

'Yes,' I said again.

'Ah.' He chuckled humourlessly. 'Well, this is where I'm confused, you see. I guess that's because you didn't show up.'

'That's right,' I agreed, my confidence slipping a little. Without the warmth of Jesse beside me, I suddenly wasn't so eager to be pressing buttons that didn't need to be pressed. Especially the "SELF-DESTRUCT" one.

'Well?'

He was playing with me. Everything in his tone told me so. He wanted me to admit verbally that I'd disobeyed. A chill trickled down my spine, as I was reminded of what the consequence would be.

Nervously, I twisted my hair around my forefinger. 'I…had my phone off,' I spluttered, unable to think of a better excuse. I should have said it with more conviction, because he saw straight through it.

'Liar,' he hissed.

'No, really,' I promised, crossing my fingers. 'I –'

'Where are you?' he enquired tonelessly. 'Are you at home?'

'No,' I denied, sounding a _lot _more believable this time around. 'I'm out. At the beach. I just…want to be alone.'

'You can be alone with me,' he said decidedly. 'And by the way, I don't know _what_ the hell you're doing, but stop taking yourself off my radar. I can't sense you.'

'I don't know what I'm doing,' I replied obliviously, finally honest.

He snorted in disdain. 'Oh yes. You're so innocent. Sitting there in that cotton blue top, twisting your long hair anxiously around your fingers…'

My eyes widened.

_He could see me_.

Horrified, I whirled around and looked out the frosted glass for his form somewhere on my front yard. I couldn't see him –

'…Frantically searching for me,' he went on, now amused. 'And now ducking away from your window completely.'

I pressed the phone to my ear, sitting on the floor with my back firmly against the wall. _Now_ I was scared. He was going to come in here, and show me exactly what happened when I didn't do as I was told…

I was blocking out last night so successfully. I didn't – I couldn't have it happen again. Not so soon… I needed to try and learn how to deal.

'Why are you even hiding?' he wanted to know. 'I know where you are.'

I slid up the wall a little, peaking just over the ledge to see the garden below. I could see him standing there now on the lawn, holding his cell phone to the side of his head and looking directly at me. Realising that he was right, I slowly emerged from my amazing hidey-hole.

'That's better…' his sly voice filled my head. I still couldn't understand how he could have switched from his unconfident, almost regretful self from that morning to…_this_. Suddenly predatory once again.

'I really need to sleep,' I said lamely, in a last attempt to escape another night of pain, force and submission. 'Paul, please…'

'Sorry Suze,' he shrugged carelessly from the front garden. The street lamp behind him beamed down at him, leaving his face in shadow. I could only just make out his expressions. 'But in the long run, I'm really doing you a favour. The quicker you learn to do what I tell you, the easier this little gem of a deal is going to be. I'm coming up.'

'No!' I gushed. I didn't want this room to be dirtied too…

He didn't care. I saw him dematerialising in a cascade of red light. I jammed my eyes shut, and a thrill of fear shot through me –

…But he didn't show.

In fact, the light suddenly appeared right outside my closed window before exploding violently in a firework of white clashing with red – and he suddenly appeared in human form, falling from that point in midair and into the rosebush beneath the window. I gasped.

He yelled furiously, '_What did you do?_'

I didn't need the phone against my ear to hear him _that_ time.

I opened my window, glaring down at him.

'Don't you dare wake my family up,' I said savagely into the receiver. 'Just leave.'

He went to shout in reply, but decided it was best to talk into the phone instead. 'Suze, you let me in that goddamned room _right_ now!' he snapped, getting out of the thorny roses gracelessly. 'Drop whatever you're protecting it with!'

Still clueless as to what was going on, I just shook my head wordlessly.

He glanced furtively around the silent street. A second later, I realised it was to make sure there were no witnesses because that was when he stretched his arms out towards me, and from the palms of his hands, a ray of burning red light shot at my window.

I recoiled, but nothing happened to me. The ray simply rebounded off the glass, sparking a bright white when it came into contact.

He stared up at me, astounded.

Not sure of what was causing all of this, I pulled the cell to my ear shakily once more.

'_Enough_,' I spoke authoritatively.

He shot me a poisonous look. 'This isn't over,' he declared wrathfully. 'Just because you're pulling a few tricks, doesn't mean that _anything_ has changed. Our deal still stands. Nine o'clock tomorrow, Suze. If you don't show this time, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry you will be.'

And with that, he dematerialised completely from my property.

I snapped my phone shut, breathing out in relief. I'd just dodged another bullet. Who knew what'd happen tomorrow as a result of my whole anti-authority attitude of tonight? I didn't want to think of it. I just wanted to relish the moment now that I'd defeated him, even if it was just in a tiny little game.

He'd given up. That made me the winner of this round.

I turned away from my window and stared incredulously at my bed, seeing it now with new eyes. This room had protected me from him. There was some kind of white force field around it, preventing him from coming in. Had I done this too?

What was even happening to my powers? A few days ago I was Miss Joe Regular. Now, suddenly, I was doing all of these strange things like transporting myself subconsciously across the planes of existence, blasting Paul off of me the night he'd stolen his powers back, making things move…

Or was this room just so full of good presence that it wouldn't let evil like Paul get in? Maybe it was his powers that my room wouldn't permit to enter, seeing as he was able to get in that time when he tried to, oh, I dunno, _choke_ me to death.

Maybe his powers were the part of him that was truly evil.

…I didn't know. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was safe.

With a grateful last look around my room, I decided that I really didn't hate my bed anymore. It would protect me.

For now.

-F&I-

I didn't even realise I'd fallen asleep. I'd been drifting off for a few hours. I remember seeing 5.00AM on my clock radio, and then suddenly, it said 3.14PM. I sat up wearily, rubbing my eyes. They ached with massive fatigue. I wanted to curl back up and sleep for an additional million years, but it was already past midday. I had no idea why my mom hadn't woken me up. She wasn't a big fan of us kids sleeping in unless we were sick.

And even though I wasn't going through a brilliant period of my life right now, she didn't _know_ that.

I traipsed downstairs, my stomach burning for attention. I hadn't eaten a thing yesterday. I'd had no will to eat anything. Now, I realised the sheer necessity of it. I was going to fall down if I didn't get something in me.

Mom came in just as I was reheating some of Andy's lasagne, left over from last night. She stopped suddenly at the doorway upon catching sight of me.

I wanted to say something to her. I couldn't have helped my terrible late nights… and it hurt me to know that I was hurting her like this. Only, I couldn't tell her the truth and nor could I entirely forgive her for not being able to _sense_ that something was seriously wrong with me. Shouldn't moms know this kind of thing?

She gave me a cold look.

'Finally, you're up,' she commented in a would-be carefree tone. 'I couldn't wake you.'

There was a frostiness in her voice that cut me. Simultaneously, it pissed me off. I really didn't need this from her, after everything that was happening.

'Whatever,' was all I said.

She stared at me again, her look hardening. Her curly hair floated in an unruly mess around her face, alerting me that she, unlike me, hadn't slept much at all last night.

I began eating my lasagne, looking at my food the entire time. When I looked up again, she was gone.

-F&I-

Anxiety began slowly building up as night time approached. By eight thirty, I was pacing around my room madly so my feet would have something to do. I didn't want to go. I _never_ wanted to go. However, missing two nights in a row was just unacceptable. He'd come down really hard on me.

I remembered the other night when he… when I went over, how he'd berated my choice of outfit, remarking that it had looked too churchy. Not keen to get him in another filthy mood, I decided on a short denim skirt and one of my slightly more revealing shirts. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't whorish in any way… No matter how many comments he made, I'd never dress like I wanted this.

But I hoped it'd be just enough to satisfy his taste.

Come nine forty-five, I was driving uneasily to his house again. I felt rigid with apprehension. I had a feeling that whatever happened tonight was going to be a consequence of last night's disobedience. I prayed he wouldn't hurt me or anything. Although, that seemed beneath him for some reason.

…Was I ever wrong.

He didn't answer his door, so I reluctantly went on in since I was now five minutes late. As approached the cold, glassy stairs, I passed Dr. Slaski in the TV area, drooping in his wheelchair in the presence of a day attendant who looked like he was just about to leave for the day.

'Oh, hi! I'm Greg,' said the guy. He looked friendly enough. I replied with a weak smile, introducing myself. The old man just glared at me.

The minute Greg left after sadly telling me he "had to dash," Grandpa let me have it.

'You stupid girl!' he scowled. 'What are you doing here? After everything I – '

I narrowed my eyes. 'You told me he was gone,' I said accusingly, referring to Jesse. 'That he had no chance. You _knew _he did, or you wouldn't have dropped that hint about my dreams.'

In spite of his obvious outrage, he smirked a little.

'Picked up on it, eh?' he muttered before coughing violently. 'Thought you would have.'

I shook my head at him.

'You know exactly how useless you are, right?' I said snidely.

'Watch your mouth, missy,' he shot back, his mouth sagging a little. 'You don't want to be here tonight, 'kay? The bastard boy has been conjuring something all afternoon. That dimwit Gregory thought all the ruckus it was just that rap music you stupid kids listen to these days,' he said bitterly. 'But I know better.'

'What's he conjuring?' I asked, my fear increasing tenfold at the thought.

'How the blazes should I know?!' the old man barked. 'I know you wouldn't think it to look at me, but I can't walk!' he snapped sarcastically, hammering a hand down on the side of his wheelchair.

I sighed. His keen awareness wasn't always perfect, I guess.

'Whatever,' I muttered.

'Go home,' he directed me. A creepy smile made his lips quirk grimly. 'I heard enough screamin' from you the other night. Didn't help me sleep one bit.'

He did _not_ just say that.

'How dare you…'I breathed in absolute fury. 'This is not a joke! So don't you _dare_ sit there in front of your stupid television watching _stupid_ reruns, making STUPID cracks about what I have to go through here.'

'You damned teenagers and your angst,' he rolled his eyes. 'The simple answer is to _leave_.'

'You really _are_ Paul's grandfather,' I said hatefully at him.

A more offensive insult, I couldn't have said. He began to swell in protest, ready to fire something back at me when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Immediately, Dr. Slaski sank down into his chair, staring absently at the wall. No one would have picked that he'd been animatedly talking to me mere seconds before.

Paul walked in, looking between me and his grandfather.

'As scintillating as it is to watch Pops drool, Suze,' Paul said wryly, 'We really need to go upstairs. We're got a lot of work to do.'

He turned and walked out, expecting me to follow. Just as I was leaving, I could have sworn I saw Dr. Slaski jerk a certain finger up at his grandson.

I followed Paul up the stairs silently. He went into his room without a care, but I stopped outside his doorway, stricken suddenly with immobility.

I couldn't go in there. Not again. It was _suicide_.

He appeared to have noticed my absence.

'Suze,' he called irritably. 'Get in here.'

I sucked in a gulp of air for courage. I looked firmly at the ground as I walked in, not wanting to catch sight of anything that would jerk me back to that night. Already, just being here, I could feel a terrible ache passing through my body, deadening my limbs and making me want to shake uncontrollably. I stood in front of one of his walls, staring adamantly down at my hands like there were presenting some mildly amusing soap opera.

Before any of our usual business was brought up, he demanded, 'what were you doing with my grandfather?'

I shrugged, pleading the fifth. 'Nothing. I was just saying hi to…um, Greg. He'd just left.'

'Pops hasn't spoken to anyone coherently in over six years,' Paul went on harshly. 'And yet, that's the second time that I could have almost _sworn_ he was having a normal conversation with you…'

I shrugged again, flickering my gaze up to his. I concentrated on having tunnel vision so I wouldn't have to look at anything else that would remind me.

He gave me a very hard look, before sighing and shaking off the bad mood all together. 'Okay, fine. Anyway, I wanted you here because I've been working on a really great present for a friend,' he said, now looking rather cheerful. 'I only just finished it when you showed up…so you can help me give it a test run.'

Kicking the wall behind me with my heel, I frowned. This didn't sound too bad…

Then, he pointed to something in the corner.

I expected to see something big and extravagant and ancient looking. However, all I saw was a little porcelain doll lying on the ground. It was the creepiest doll I'd ever seen. The dress had been taken off, and a symbol had been drawn on the pale chest in a liquid that looked suspiciously dark and red. Surrounding the doll was a circle of the same colour.

The doll's eyes glowed softly. It wasn't normal…

'W-what is it?' I asked, not really wanting to know.

He smiled. 'Well,' he began, reclining on his bed and staring at the ceiling with a lax smile stapled to his lips, 'It's really a present for our good Father Dominic.'

My full attention fell onto him, and I started freaking out. Father D said he'd be _fine_. That Paul couldn't do anything to him… But Paul was planning something. Something big. I could hear it in the excitement in his voice. It was sickening.

'As you know, I wasn't exactly thrilled to learn that he was in on the little power-stripping thing you guys all pulled,' he made a face at this point, as if power stripping had been a really stupid idea. 'And so, I thought I'd track down something that he lost a long time ago…'

He leant over the side of his bed, and picked up a leather-bound book. Instantly, I knew it was Father Dom's diary. My stomach churned horribly. Oh no…

'"_September 18th, 1965"_,' Paul read, mockery spilling from his mouth. '"_I've never been happier in my life. Sadly, with this unexpected happiness comes the confusion that clouds my mind. Lily means everything to me now, and I would gladly lay down my life if it meant she could have just a moment of her own back, since hers was taken so cruelly. I've given my heart to her, and she willingly accepted it, promising to take good care of it._

'_My confusion lies in my knowledge that this is wrong... I came to pledge myself to the Name of God, to serve him as one of his followers. How could I have foreseen that this amazing love would enter my life? Now I am torn, as is Lily. I hate having to choose between her and my God. Surely though, He would not have sent me such a generous gift if I weren't meant to pursue it. Unless she wasn't a gift from Him, but a temptation put before me, trying to lead me away from the priesthood. I simply don't know. All that I can be sure of now is that my love for Lily Winters will be eternal. I'm just scared that her existence won't be…_"'

As he finished reading this, a large and obscenely fake sniffle sounded. 'It's just so _sad_!' he cried scornfully. 'So, it does seem that our priest buddy has a weak spot after all. Besides you, I mean,' he added.

I stared at him carefully. I didn't know what he was planning to do. Would he make Dom see…visions of Lily or something? Or would he pretend that Lily had contacted him from wherever she was, and said she didn't love him?

No way. Paul would never try something so weak.

However, my mind drifted back to the sinister porcelain doll lying within the circle of blood. My eyes darted back to Paul, and I noticed that his hand was wrapped in a small bandage.

So _he'd_ offered his blood for the sake of this "present" then. It was a lot better than him getting it from a newborn baby, or something that I would have expected from him.

He was smiling patiently at me, obviously quite content to leave me to my thoughts as I tried to deduce what was going to happen. I couldn't understand, though. Whatever theory I had was ruined by that creepy doll in the corner.

Finally, I gave up.

'What is this all about?' I asked fretfully.

He smirked, looking extremely pleased with himself. 'Well,' he announced, bringing one of his knees up and lounging with even more coolness over his bed, 'Did you know that it's possible to bring a ghost back, even after they've moved on?'

'From Shadowland?' I asked him, unsure of where this was going.

'No, Suze. Not Shadowland. From even further than that. I'm talking about…life beyond this one. After reincarnation.'

I gave him the weirdest look. 'What are you _talking_ about?'

Paul snickered. 'What? You didn't think this was it, right? I guess religion can be misleading… Okay, it's time I played the role of Teacher again. Sit down.'

Very nervous now, I squatted down in my spot against the wall. Any fear for myself was long gone. Now, terror filled me on Father Dominic's behalf.

Paul sat up, crossing his legs. 'Right. The human soul goes through a whole cycle of lives. I don't know which religion has got it right, but that doesn't matter. Everything we do in one life depends on how punished or privileged we will be in the next.'

'You're going to be a starving kid in Ethiopia in _your_ next one,' I guaranteed, glaring.

'Hah,' he said appreciatively. 'There are certain things we shifters can do to avoid such a fate, I've learnt – but I digress. When a ghost passes on, they go back into the universal bucket of souls, waiting to be reborn into a new life. They'll have no memory of the previous. Except…' he trailed off dramatically, his eyes glistening with pale portent, 'No matter what form they are in, they can be tracked.'

I frowned. This whole reincarnation thing was a bit heavy. I wasn't following very well.

'Slow, aren't we,' he remarked with a little bit of disappointment. 'Come on, Suze…'

I didn't know why the connection didn't spring into my mind with a big flashing "Eureka!" light bulb. I mean, it was obvious. But it really did take me a while to get my head around all of the huge things he'd just said.

And then, the penny dropped into a pool of acid, splashing me in the face.

'_No_!' I suddenly said fiercely, standing up. Satisfaction crossed his face, as if to say, "_Finally_ she's got it…"

'Yes,' he devastated my denial. 'I needed a human likeness, of course. An anchor if you will. Souls coming from so far away in time need to be pulled.'

I suddenly looked at the porcelain doll, new horror in my eyes. 'She's – '

'In there, yes,' Paul smiled.

I rounded on him, furious. 'Let her go!' I spat. I couldn't _stand_ the thought of Father Dominic having to go through what I was right now, knowing that the love of his life was in danger. Paul was going to torture Lily Winters. As payback for Father D helping me to neuter Paul's powers before.

Anyone else think that that was a little _harsh_?

Paul rolled his eyes. 'Now, why would I do that when I spent the whole afternoon tracking her? It was a lot of work, Suze…'

I could barely summon the right words to fire at him. Words seemed far too soft, too useless against this…monster. His criminal intent was frightening. I'd never met someone who cared so deeply for evil.

He watched me struggling to respond in the appropriate way, amusement plastered across his perfect face. His eyes were alive with interest.

I did the only thing I could think of.

I leapt for the eerie porcelain doll. Paul, predicting what I was about to do, flared up. 'Suze! _Put it down_!' he snarled.

Oh, I put it down all right. I hurled it against the ground with all of my strength. The porcelain shattered easily, and a wisp of silver mist began spiralling out weakly.

Just as it began rising up to about my height, I felt a massive force smash into me, flinging me sideways. I collided with the wall hard, and my head – which had been the first point of impact – swam horribly. My mind felt like it was dribbling out of all my cranial orifices.

When I remembered what had been happening, I looked back up and saw Paul standing before a shimmering vapour. His hands were risen, and they were glowing as if trying to supernaturally shove it back into the broken doll. I guess I'd ruined his "human likeness-y anchor."

Finally, the silver mist began to increase in density, becoming distinctly woman-shaped. Features began emerging across the iridescent figure. Colour began to swell across her body, tinting her large curls a fair shade of blond. A three-quarter blue dress fell smartly down her form with large white buttons running from her banded waist up to the collar of her dress. Her face was the last part to become clearer. Finally, huge brown eyes blinked in shock at the scene before her. Her full, pink lips parted in an attempt to speak, but she couldn't find her voice.

Paul growled in annoyance. 'Now look what you've done!' he snapped at me.

I had nothing to be ashamed of. I had no idea what it would have felt like to be confined to a little doll, but I doubted very much that it would have felt as nice as a foot rub.

'…Lily?' I said gently.

Her face creased in bewilderment and she looked at Paul, as if expecting him to explain that _his_ name was Lily.

This girl had no idea who Lily Winters even was. Had Paul even got the right one? She looked the spitting image of the woman I'd seen in Father Dominic's secret photo, but why was she so unaware?

'Me?' she choked out. 'No, there's been some mistake. I'm – my name is Alice. I don't know who – ' She accidentally glanced down at herself, looking equally as mystified by the forget-me-not blue dress she donned. '_What am I wearing_?' she whispered to herself, her voice shaking. She looked up at Paul, panicked. 'Please – I don't know how I got here, but I just want to get home…'

A very nasty thought crossed my mind.

'Paul?' I asked, reining in the bubbling anger that was fit to splurge out of me once I heard the answer, 'You said before that you pulled Lily's soul from her current life. In doing so…you didn't _kill_ her, did you?'

'It was unavoidable,' Paul responded apathetically.

I climbed to my feet, gawking at the clueless Lily, or Alice, or whoever she was. Our words sounded foreign to her.

'She just _dropped dead _when you summoned her?' I demanded, my stomach plummeting. Oh my God. Paul had just killed a woman…

For the sake of vengeance.

Paul, who was scanning Lily/Alice up and down as if trying to see if she was broken, shrugged. 'I don't know, Suze. I wasn't there, was I?'

I felt wildly sick.

'Oh my God,' I whispered, turning away and holding my hand over my mouth. The danger of throwing up was suddenly very great.

'Someone's dead?' Lalice gasped, still confused. 'I'm…I'm sorry for your loss, but please, I need to get home – '

'You're not going home,' Paul explained wryly.

She blinked, fearful. 'W-what?'

'Yes she is!' I exclaimed riotously, throwing a heavy punch at Paul. With an 'Oomph!' of pain, he was knocked back. I dashed the newly-dead and hissed, 'Close your eyes and try to sense a safe place… When you open your eyes, you should be in my bedroom. Stay there, _whatever_ happens. You might hear voices telling you to go places. Don't listen! He can't get you there… he's not allowed inside – '

'This is madness!' she screamed.

I shook her hard. 'GO!'

Obediently, she jammed her eyes shut and vanished in a sprinkle of blue light.

'NO!' Paul roared. 'Suze, you bring her back right now!'

'Go to hell,' I rejoined. 'You're not going to _touch_ her.'

He stood up, hand pressed over his jaw gingerly. 'You on the other hand…' he threatened.

And in a flying instant, his fist came out of nowhere and slammed against my shoulder. I winced, ducking swiftly as he swiped at me again.

My heart started bouncing off the walls of my ribcage. I aimed a furious kick at his stomach, striking true. He stumbled but wasn't thrown off course as he elbowed me in the side. It was murder restraining the howl of pain that I almost released, but I had to attack, not cry…

I hadn't fought like this in a long time. I'd generally cooled off the whole violence-against-ghosts thing since that night with Maria and Felix Diego, which seemed so long ago. I remembered why I'd enjoyed ass kicking so much… Not only was I pretty good at it, but it filled me with this sense of power. And pride. If I was quick enough, smart enough, strong enough, I could defeat anything…

The only trouble was, Paul was good, too. While his speed didn't match mine, his strength certainly left me in the shadows. As he launched another blow, I feinted at the last moment and he ended up striking the wall.

His knuckles were bleeding. Fire raged in his haunting eyes. This _excited_ him…

'Not bad, Suze,' he praised, genuinely impressed. I panted heavily, avoiding his arm as he went to grab me and instead, twisting behind him and kicking him in the back so he collided forcefully with the wall. God, fighting in a mini-skirt was no picnic… He grunted, turning to glare at me as if I had just been unfair. 'But the question is, how long can you last?'

'As long as it takes,' I confirmed, gritting my teeth. He dove at me, but I grabbed his arm and, throwing my entire weight into the action, managed to flip him on his back. He laughed vigorously, kicking at my legs so I too fell.

He took advantage of that moment, crawling over me and holding me down.

'I'll rephrase,' he continued the conversation as if there had been no interruptions, 'How long can you last before you give up?'

I squirmed violently beneath him. 'I don't give up,' I shot at him bitterly.

'You will,' he vowed, seizing one of my wrists and twisting my arm in one sharp movement. I screamed from the pain of such a wrong angle, and used my free arm to smack his face. He let go of my arm in an attempt to control my attacking one, and in that moment of hesitation I jerked my knees up, throwing him off of me. I clambered to a standing position, glancing around his room wildly for something to use against him. All that was on his desk was stationary, his laptop and a bunch of books.

Quick! Suze, just grab _anything_ –

I seized the computer chair and pitched it at him, knocking him back down just as he'd gotten up.

I kicked his face angrily and his head snapped back. When it faced me again, his lip was bleeding.

I _so_ had the upper hand.

Unfortunately, he totally pulled a fast one on me and took it to a _completely_ unfair level. Jerking a clawed hand in my direction, he concentrated fiercely. At that point I suddenly felt all the air leave my lungs. Gasping for air was pointless as I discovered. He'd done something so I was completely devoid of oxygen. I staggered sideways, hands around my throat as I tried to get air –

It stopped the moment he kicked me in the stomach. Well, sort of. The shifting power ended, only to be replaced by his kick which left me winded and once again, without air. I choked on a cough, bending over and clutching my stomach. 'That…wasn't…fair…' I rasped.

'Nothing ever is,' he muttered, wiping away the line of blood from his mouth. He didn't look like he was enjoying himself that much anymore. Amusement had vanished from his face.

I was just recovering when his fist shot out again and exploded against the side of my head. Everything flashed white, and I collapsed against the carpet.

'Call her back,' he ordered, 'And I'll stop hurting you.'

I glowered up at him with hate in my heart.

'…_Bite_ me…'

Irritated, he kicked me in the stomach again. A disjointed yowl spewed from my lips.

In just a few seconds, the tables had turned. I'd taken that fatal moment to gloat before, and he'd seized control again. I'd been stupid. The battle was _never _won until it was over. I should have known that by now, God…

Honestly, though. Did he really think I'd give Lily up after a couple of kicks? Didn't he know how goddamned stubborn I was by now?

He repeated, 'Call her back now, Suze.'

I shook my head, dogged.

His foot sank into my abdomen again and I cried out from the pain.

But I didn't give up.

A cold look crossed his eyes. I tried to get up to pretend that I could go on fighting, but I wasn't kidding anyone. My ribs felt like he'd ground them to make his bread. I supported myself against his wall, maintaining a fierce eye contact with him to prove that it wasn't over.

His glare grew darker. 'Suze,' he said in a hard voice, 'For Christ's sake, just give her back! This can end, right now.'

'Not happening,' I breathed, still holding my stomach. I tossed my hair out of my face.

Paul groaned. He'd really been hoping I'd just surrender, obviously. Not a chance…

As if deciding it was the only avenue left, he advanced on me, coming to stand right over me. He was perfectly still for a moment, as if giving me a last few seconds to reconsider. I didn't understand why until he sighed and let his head fall back in dissatisfaction.

That was when he grabbed both of my wrists, dragging me over to his desk. I tried to yank my hands away from his grasp but it was no good. That action had caused me to tense my stomach, which _really _hurt.

Letting go of one of my wrists quickly, Paul swept his arm across his desk, sending the books, pens, and other items crashing to the ground. He then shoved me on the edge, holding both my hands in one of his as his other hand slid effortlessly up my skirt, hooking on my underwear.

And with a sick whip crack, I knew.

'_NO_!' I exploded, thrashing about and kicking him away, but he wasn't bothered. Nor did he loose grip on my wrists. Despite my ferocious struggling, he finally managed to pull my underwear off.

Sweat began surfacing all over my skin as I begged him to stop. He simply told me to give Lily up. He knew as well as I did that he couldn't go anywhere near her if she was in my room. There was something about it that guarded against his powers. Regardless of what I knew he was about to do – again – that didn't justify forfeiting Lily to save this pain.

He unzipped his own pants one-handedly.

'Last chance,' he declared, eyeing me alertly. 'Come on Suze… What does she matter to you? You only _just_ met her, for crying out loud. Just give her back. She's got nothing to do with you. This is between me and the priest.'

I inhaled sharply, shaking my head. 'She…doesn't deserve what you're going to do to her…'

'Do you?' he wanted to know.

Fear was blinding me. I shook uncontrollably before him. He was _pleading_ with me to not make him do this. As much as it terrified me to be that vulnerable again, I couldn't send an innocent to suffer in my place.

'…No,' I replied. 'But if it saves her, then I…I don't care…'

He closed his eyes, disappointed. When he opened them a second later, they were filled with righteous anger.

'_Fine_,' he retorted hotly. 'I don't care either.'

And he thrust inside me roughly.

I couldn't stop the initial scream. It was inevitable. I tried to fight back at first, but that only made it hurt more. I squeezed my eyes shut, my face screwed up against the pain. He let go of my wrists finally, latching onto my hips instead.

It was beyond horrible. It was beyond unforgivable. It was…

I couldn't remember if the suitable words even existed. My legs dangled uselessly either side of him, jerking with each thrust. I didn't cry though. I knew that, somewhere beyond the pain and the humiliation that I was subjecting myself to this nightmare for a very good reason. Whatever happened, I could leave knowing that Lily was my victory…

It didn't feel like much then, though. I couldn't feel anything besides _him_; his hands…grabbing and…hurting.

'Give up?' he panted.

I didn't reply. I held his shoulders, feebly trying to press him away from me… He started getting more forceful, and I yelled louder, drowning in the insanity of this pain…

Thank God, just before he… you know, he finally pulled away. I slumped against the wall, finished.

He pulled his pants up angrily, glaring at me. 'I don't get it,' he hissed. What? He'd never met someone with morality before?

I just shivered.

'Get out,' he growled.

_Finally_, an order that appealed to me. With burning cheeks, I slid my underwear back on, horrified when I saw a smear of red on my thigh. My knees weren't cooperating. Barely able to walk properly from the pain, I half-fell down the stairs.

I passed Dr. Slaski on the way. He just gazed sadly at me, for once biting his stupid, unhelpful tongue.

I was grateful for his silence.

Somehow, I made it home without smashing headfirst into a tree. No one was awake when I got in except Jake – shocking, I know – who just rolled his eyes at me.

'Gangbang finish late?' he asked sarcastically.

I forced a horrible laugh, and struggled up the stairs as quickly as I could. My room was dark as I entered, save the faintly glowing figure sitting on my chair, staring absent-mindedly at my pictures.

She looked around twitchily when I came in. I'd obviously startled her.

'Oh, you,' she sighed in relief. 'I didn't know when you'd be back… There's so much I don't understand…' She looked at my vanity mirror, and shuddered. 'That's not my reflection…'

'C-can I explain in the morning?' I implored.

She focused on me as if seeing me properly for the first time. '…Are you all right?'

A fake grin emerged across my face. 'Oh, uh…yeah. Just…tired, I guess.'

There was no point in telling her the truth/ If she knew I'd just been assaulted while trying to defend her, that would have caused unnecessary guilt. She was better off not knowing.

'Ah. Okay then.'

She didn't believe me, but decided not to press. I must have looked like crap, I knew. I was throbbing everywhere. Some places more than others, for obvious reasons.

After showering and washing any traces of blood from my body, I got dressed and returned to my room. Lily was looking in my wardrobe curiously.

'You have lovely clothes,' she complimented, sounding dazed.

'Uh, thanks,' I muttered. I really wasn't in the mood for a deep and meaningful. I just wanted to go to sleep. I prayed that my dreams would take me to Jesse once more. I needed him so badly, now more than ever…

I knew very well that I couldn't have lived with myself if I'd have let anything happen to Lily. What Paul did as a result seemed almost like an easy consequence compared to the look on Father Dominic's face if he ever found out that his ghostly lover had been tortured and brutalised as an act of revenge… I cared for Father Dom way too much.

The things we do for love, huh.

'As I said before, I'm Alice,' she introduced. 'You are…Suze?'

I nodded, completely uninterested in how she knew my name. She'd probably read it somewhere around my room while I'd been…with Paul. Either that or she heard it through our confusing conversation before. It didn't matter…

Curling up beneath my covers, I wondered dully if being dead felt easier than this.

I sobbed quietly until sleep finally arrived. She must have heard me, but thank God she didn't comment on it.

-F&I-

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	13. Trapped

**Lolly: Sorry for the delay – I've had my school ball to organise/decorate for/go to, so it's been WAY busy in the Lolly corner. A shorter chapter compared to last, but please, still review… school's getting me down already and it's only been a few weeks. Cheer me up by reviewing? **

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I had to tell him.

He had to know. I didn't want him to find out some other way. Because then he'd be angry at me for sure.

I was running to his office. The Mission Academy was filled with people who didn't have faces. They just wandered around, silent and aimless. Amongst them, I recognised CeeCee's bright white hair. She had no eyes, just like the rest of them. I knew somehow though, that even though she had no expression, she was angry at me. Her hair slowly turned red, getting hotter and hotter before suddenly, flames twisted malevolently around her head.

Then all the faceless people looked at me sharply with no eyes. I'd offended them.

…They faded away.

I was still running. My footsteps hammered constantly against the wooden floor. Everything around me was wooden. I'd never noticed that before...surely they'd realise what a fire hazard it was, right? Wouldn't they knock the Mission down and build it out of something different? Something that wouldn't burn so easily?

The halls obediently turned into glass.

Much better.

Now as I ran, my shoes tapped stridently against the crystal floor. It was a lot more slippery than wood. And colder.

I ran past a classroom. A faceless student was throwing stones at the glass walls. He shouldn't have been doing that. I'd be sure to tell Father Dominic about it when I found him.

What had I been going to warn him about again? I'd forgotten. But it mustn't have been important. Now, he needed to know about the boy throwing stones at the glass. And that CeeCee's hair was on fire.

It had never taken this long to get to his office before. I didn't understand why. And why was it so cold in the Mission? It was never this cold...

Finally, I was at the doorway to his office. It said "FATHER DOM" on the glass door. I laughed. It had just occurred to me that I didn't know his last name. Wasn't that strange? I'd known him for over two years now, and I still didn't know that about him. I made a mental note of asking him when I found him. I had so much to tell him...only, I'd forgotten it all again. I just had to find him though.

So I kicked the door open.

It shattered.

Slowly, I entered his office and looked around, a frown emerging across my face. He wasn't here. But weirder still was the thing that was where his desk should have been. I walked over to it, glaring at it. It wasn't supposed to be here. Father Dominic's desk was usually there. Not this huge well made of grey stone bricks.

I would have noticed it before, right?

Leaning over the edge, I peered down the well. It was bottomless and in complete shadow. I called to see if there was anyone down there. Maybe Father Dominic was hiding from me. I laughed again and the sound hurt my ears.

That was when I saw it.

...On the edge of the well was Father Dominic's rosary: the one he always wore around his neck. That wasn't what had drawn my attention though. A rosary is a pretty ordinary thing to see when you're in a priest's office. A big stone well was pretty ordinary too. However, the large splash of something that covered the rosary wasn't normal.

Especially since the substance was glistening red blood...

I gasped and backed away from the well. Oh no... Father Dom's rosary was bleeding... what was I going to do? I didn't know how to save it. I only knew how to give CPR to a person. It was going to die and I was just standing there, powerless to stop it.

My legs went very weak, but I knew I had to get out of here to tell Father Dominic to come and save his rosary before it was too late. I turned to run, but the door was gone. In its place was a large statue of the Virgin Mary. A trickle of misery escaped the corner of her eye.

It shimmered red.

I went to ask her why she was crying, but my voice was suddenly not working. The Virgin Mary just stared mournfully at me, weeping red blood. Maybe she was sad about the rosary too. I knew I was.

She was trying to say something, but I couldn't hear her.

'What?' I asked, exasperated. My voice was working again. 'Speak louder!'

She mouthed something at me, her stone face sobbing silently. Her arm was reaching out to me as if in comfort. Then, three of her fingers gently curled back.

She was distinctly pointing at something.

'What?' I said again, even more confused. 'What are you pointing at?'

'..._Behind you_.'

My eyes widened in shock. I whipped around, only to come face to face with none other than Paul Slater. He glared down at me. I looked down and, plunging me even further into the newly developing horror, I saw that his hands were dripping with blood...

'No,' I whispered pitifully as his hands slid to my wrists, enclosing them with an iron grip.

He began leading me away from the Virgin Mary...towards the well.

No! I couldn't go down there! I had to - I had to stay up here!

'I belong down there,' he explained, looking angrier by the second. My heart pounded in fierce objection. 'I have to go back down...and you're coming with me.'

_'NO_!' I yelled. And yet I couldn't fight back. My body was not under my will anymore. 'I have to stay up here!'

'But you belong with me...' he hissed, determined to make me understand. 'You've been above me for too long. You belong with me in the shadows, Suze...'

I continued to follow him, but just because I couldn't physically protest, my voice was my own. 'I won't go!'

He glared.

'Then I'll pull you down,' he spat.

Suddenly, there was a roar like a wave crashing against the rocks in the height of a storm, and then a swell of thick red blood was swirling to the surface of the well. My body was finally under my direction again, but Paul was too strong for me. I couldn't escape his iron hands. Blood overflowed over the stony edges of the well before retreating back into the deep hole, pulling the bloodstained rosary with it.

Paul realised that I wasn't going to go down the well willingly - his arms came around my waist and he dragged me towards the edge roughly, ready to pitch me into the crimson whirlpool below. I kicked and scratched and elbowed and screamed, 'I WON'T! I _WON'T_ LET YOU PULL ME DOWN WITH YOU!'

But he was so strong...

His hands, still covered with blood, held onto me tightly, leaving red marks all over my body. And, with an awful yanking feeling in my stomach, I knew I was falling with him. I screamed again, twisting and fighting violently until at the last moment I snatched at the edge of the well with my free hand.

I hadn't fallen.

Paul's hand had seized my ankle. He was still determined to pull me down there, into the abyss of darkness.

'Let me go,' I pleaded. I wouldn't be able to hold onto the edge for too long before I fell...

'I'll _never_ let you go,' he said savagely.

My arm ached from the strain of holding up both my weight and his. I tried to kick my legs so he'd lose grip, but he'd latched onto me like a leach, slowly siphoning the life out of me. I swung my other arm up, my second hand grabbing onto the edge. There was no use holding on with only one hand. My fingers were slipping though.

Then...I heard it.

_'Querida_...'

That word was my fuel. It was everything that I had lost returning to me: my strength, my will to survive, my _everything_. Inspired by the purity of that word, I clenched my teeth and, with a forceful kick, I broke the connection between my ankle and Paul's bleeding hand.

'No!' he shouted in fury as he fell. I didn't hear a splash for a very long time.

Wow...he'd really fallen deep.

Despite the ache in my arms, I crawled out of the well and landed on the side, panting heavily. I hurt everywhere. However, when I looked up, Father Dominic's office no longer surrounded me. Blackness smothered the night sky. No stars twinkled hopefully. Beneath me, dead grass stretched over the landscape. Everything was dank and rotting. I squinted against the darkness and large, grey teeth protruding from the ground. Realisation hit me a second later.

Headstones.

...I was in the Mission cemetery.

I climbed to my feet, looking down at myself. Darkness hindered my vision, but there was no mistaking the bloody marks that Paul had left on me. I was forever stained.

A noise began. It was strange and familiar. Constant. Sharp, then soft. Sharp, soft. Where was it coming from? What was -

The figure suddenly came into view as my eyes adjusted. It was digging a grave. I crossed my arms huffily. Well, really. They could have done this in the morning, right? Night time was such a terrible part of the day.

'Stop digging,' I exclaimed. I didn't care if someone had died - they should have waited until the sun was up.

They ignored me though.

I hated being ignored. 'Hey! Did you hear me? Go home, it's really late! You - '

The name on the headstone they were digging at suddenly caught my eye.

_Hector "Jesse" de Silva._

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?' I shrieked. 'You can't dig there! That space is already taken!' I stormed over to the dark figure furiously, ready to show him a thing or two about respecting the dead. 'Stop digging! HEY, LISTEN TO M - '

The shovel fell to the ground and hands seized my arms suddenly. Bloody hands...

_'No_!' I whispered. 'H-how'd you get out of the well? You - '

'I'm still down there,' Paul laughed bitterly. 'I'm always down there, in the dark...waiting for you... But I know now that you won't follow me.'

I jerked my head over my shoulders, looking fearfully down at the grave he had been digging. Dirt was everywhere, and the coffin's lid was open...but I couldn't see inside.

He grabbed the side of my face and forced me to look at him. His eyes were fiery with hatred and jealousy. I shrank within his hold.

'I get it now,' he said. 'What I have to do. It's so simple - I can't believe I didn't think of it before. Here I was, trying to drag you down, when all I had to do was this...'

'What?' I demanded. 'What are you talking about?'

He leered at me. 'Oh, you'll find out soon enough Suze...' He trailed off, drawing me close for a fierce, brief kiss that made me cry internally.

'Meanwhile...' he smiled, 'You really got me thinking. You really love Jesse, don't you?'

'Yes,' I spat.

His smile faltered, and a second fire began in his eyes.

'Well,' he growled, his hands tightening their grip on my arms as he backed me up. I drew a quick breath, trying to get out of his iron hold - but as always, to no avail. 'If you love that dead cowboy so much...'

He spun me around so I was leaning over the open coffin, and I saw it.

That skeleton...

'Then it's time you _join_ him.'

And I crashed against the ancient bones, shattering them from my impact. 'NO!' I screamed, but the lid slammed closed on my voice. I thrashed wildly within the casket, hearing the dirt being shovelled over me. Panic swelled instantly. 'NO! PAUL, _DON'T_! PAUL! SOMEONE, HELP!' I couldn't breathe. I hammered my fists on the lid, hysterical. I was going to die with the only man I'd ever loved. I couldn't see anything, but I could feel the broken bones cutting against my skin...

'HELP!'

I was trapped.

'SOMEBODY, PLEASE! I'M ALIVE! THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE! I'M - I'M _NOT DEAD_!'

I was buried.

My screaming was all I could hear now –

'Suze...'

_'PLEASE_!'

Hands were stroking my face...

'Suze? Come on, you have to – '

'GET OFF OF ME!' I thrashed, smacking at the hands which were trying to kill me –

'Wake up!' a voice begged frantically.

I sat up sharply, my eyes opening and glancing around in horror. I…wasn't in a coffin. Instead, my surroundings were mundane and comforting. Gentle arms were wrapped around my upper body, rubbing my back soothingly and shushing me.

'Just calm down.'

'But – '

'Shhh…'

That's when consciousness settled in, and I began realising that pointing holy statues and random wells in the middle of my principal's office were _completely_ ridiculous.

I…I'd been dreaming.

'Are you okay?' asked that voice. I rubbed my eyes blearily.

A warm, concerned face swam fuzzily into view.

'…Lily,' I concluded finally. 'I mean – Alice.'

She nodded, still rubbing my back. 'Gee, that was some nightmare you were having… are you sure you're all right?'

I blinked, shivering like mad. 'Um…yeah.'

She clicked her tongue sympathetically, draping the covers over my shoulders.

I felt sick. 'Was…I really screaming?' I asked with a wince. However, due to the absence of frenetic parents, I doubted that I'd called too much attention to myself.

'No, just twisting and whimpering a lot,' she replied. 'I decided that it was high time to wake you up since you looked like you weren't having much fun, wherever you were.'

I didn't say anything.

A moment of silence passed as I just stared out the window, trying to make sense of what was real and what wasn't. I couldn't believe I'd gone to sleep, _so _sure I was going to see Jesse again, only to get sucked into _that_.

'Do you…want to talk about it?' Alice asked softly.

I shook my head.

'Okay.'

Realising that I was being a God-awful mediator, I tried to pull myself together. I sighed heavily, filling my lungs with new oxygen. 'Sorry,' I muttered, sitting up straight. 'I meant – I'm okay. It was just a dream, and I'm fine now – '

'Paul was that boy you were with yesterday then?' she interrupted.

I went cold. 'W-what?'

'You kept saying his name,' she revealed. 'Asking him to stop…'

Flashes of something that were so much worse than my nightmares appeared before my eyes. I mentally tried to swat them away but they were persistent. I heard myself crying, and I remembered the pain; his fingers biting into my skin…

'Did something happen?'

…Glaring down at my with empty eyes –

'Hey,' I said rudely, 'Can you _not_?'

The memory died.

She bit her lip and her gaze fell away from mine. 'Um…I'm sorry,' she mumbled. 'I didn't mean to pry.'

Guilt settled in heavily and I sighed for a second time. 'Look,' I explained sadly. 'I just…' I broke off. What was I doing? Here was a ghost who'd possibly been ripped out of her existence, scared and confused and trying hard to keep it together while some psycho girl bit her head off when she was trying to be nice? What was WRONG with me? It should have been the other way around. I'd been a mediator for long enough to know that I was _not_ the one who was supposed to be priority.

'It's not important,' I brushed my woes aside quickly. 'What is, however, is you. We need to talk. Firstly, can you tell me your name?'

She blinked her soulful brown eyes. 'My name? I – I'm…Alice Warren.'

I nodded, pulling my blankets more firmly over me to hide my shivering. I'd deal with it later. 'Okay, Alice…what can you tell me about you? Where are you from? What were you doing before you d…before you were in that boy's room yesterday?'

Alice's brow furrowed. 'I'm from Wisconsin. I'm thirty-one years old, and I've been a kindergarten teacher for six years now. I was in my class when I felt really strange all of a sudden, and I… I don't know what happened, actually.'

Appalled, I sank my face into my hands. Oh my God. This girl had really been in a whole different life when Paul had _torn_ her soul from her body.

'What?' she wanted to know.

I felt like crying, but realised that I couldn't just burst into tears every five minutes, no matter how terrible this new world was. This ghost needed my help.

'Suze,' she said, unsure about voicing my name. She barely knew me, after all. 'I just want to understand what's happened. I don't know why I look so strange… my hair is red, not blond. And these clothes…it's like I'm from the Brady Bunch or something. I just need to know what's going on, please – '

'You're dead.'

My voice crackled horribly on the word.

Alice's queries shrivelled and died. Then, she laughed. 'No,' she grinned. 'I'm just…lost. And I look different. I really do need to go home though, I don't want anyone to worry about me – '

I stared at her. She didn't even recognise the words that were spilling from her lips, because she knew I was right. They weren't even her lips. They were Lily Winters' lips. There was no way she could ignore the extraordinary things that had happened to her since yesterday…how'd she'd been transported from her kindergarten classroom into Paul's bedroom, or how she'd managed to dematerialise from there with a single thought. She couldn't ignore her ethereal glow or her unexplainable appearance. And she would have figured out that her heart was no longer beating…

Sure enough, she stopped rambling hopefully and just stared at hands that were not her own. She slowly shook her head, frowning heavily.

'I'm…I'm not dead,' she denied, sounding like she was trying to convince herself more than me. I watched her unhappily. Breaking the news was never a party.

I finally reversed the roles and patted her on _her_ back. 'I know it's hard to understand,' I began, 'One minute, you're doing what you always do, and then suddenly you're – '

But I couldn't say it. Because this had not been the case for Alice Warren. She hadn't had a heart attack, nor had she been killed in some freak accident. There was nothing natural about her death at all. Her soul had literally been sucked out of her body.

Paul had thoughtlessly murdered her.

Her eyes edged back up to mine. 'I had my life,' she breathed, still in shock. 'Everything… my family, my class… Rebecca was giving me her drawing, telling me that it was a picture of her dog, Woofie. I told her I'd put it on my fridge… I wanted to watch all these beautiful kids grow up…' She blinked back what I now knew were tears. 'Suze, I…I have to go back. I'm not ready to be d – '

'I'm _so sorry_…' I mumbled, feeling worse by the second. Usually, I'd do the comforting thing without any guilt of my own. I had accepted that death was apart of life, and that there was nothing I could do to prevent it, no matter how heartbreaking the story was. This…this was different. I _could_ have done something. I should have seen this coming, somehow – I should have destroyed Father Dominic's diary when I saw that Paul had stolen it. I should have stopped him from getting his powers back in the first place. Knowing that I'd lost Jesse because of my stupidity was hard enough. But a woman had _died_ now. A living, breathing person. She'd died as a result of what I'd failed to do…

Tears trailed slowly down her cheeks.

'_Why_?' her voice rasped with the injustice of it all. '_Why_ did I have to die?'

How could I possibly explain to her that Paul had wanted to use her in his sick plan for revenge? This was all mad enough without her knowing that she'd been yanked right in the middle of a war.

'That boy you saw yesterday,' I said. 'He's…a bad person. God, I can't explain everything now – I wish I could. You just need to keep staying away from him. I wish so badly that I could make everything all right, because what happened to you _wasn't _fair. I can't though… I'm sorry you were involved in this, Alice…'

She sniffled, shaking her head again, trying to cling to denial. It wasn't working. She knew the truth.

I glanced at my clock and saw that it was almost four in the morning. I prayed that one day I'd have a decent sleep.

'Alice, do you have _any_ idea who Lily Winters is?' I asked quickly. 'When you looked in my mirror and saw who was staring back at you, did you recognise her at all? Does she seem just a little bit familiar? Or what about the name Dominic? Do you remember someone by that name? Someone from a long time ago? He had bright blue eyes, and he was _so_ kind…'

She jolted a little, looking off into negative space. '…Dominic?'

I nodded quickly. 'Yes!'

'Dominic who?'

I paused. 'Uh… weirdly enough, I… I don't know.'

Alice was frozen in time, it appeared. She hadn't moved since I'd said his name. Her face was creased as if she was struggling to think of the answer to a question in an exam that she hadn't studied for.

'I…used to have dreams about someone called Dominic,' she divulged, her voice misty. 'I can barely remember them now. I stopped having them about ten years ago. Whenever I'd meet a guy who I was attracted to, I'd…compare. I didn't know who to, but I just… I knew they weren't – ' she suddenly stopped talking, looking irritated with herself. 'I'm being stupid. I don't believe in _past lives_ or – '

'Well, believe,' I butted in. 'They're real. I know, wacky, huh? I didn't believe in them until precisely _yesterday_ when you showed up. Now work with me here, Alice. This Dominic guy. Can you tell me anything about him?'

She shook her head fearfully, unwilling to lose herself in this insanity.

'_Please_,' I pressed. 'It's very important.'

'I can't – ' she got off of my bed, looking around hastily for an escape route. 'This is insane…'

'Alice!' I snapped. 'I know you don't like it, but this is happening.'

'No it's not!'

My chest of drawers shuddered from her energy.

'It really is.'

'It's not!' she yelled, stamping her foot. 'I'm NOT DEAD! I'm alive, I'm dreaming and I'm _not here_ – '

To my utmost horror, she began to sparkle blue.

'NO!' I shouted quickly. 'Alice, if I'm right, are you really willing to leave here when that man you met yesterday is looking for you? Believe me when I say that, if he finds you, he _will_ hurt you.'

She had no idea how far I went to keep her safe. If she got herself killed, exorcised, destroyed or whatever now, what Paul had done last night… that would have all been wasted. Call me selfish, but I didn't want to think that I'd willingly let that happen to me for nothing.

Her tears were free-falling by now, but at least she'd stopped dematerialising.

'Please,' I got out of bed, speaking more gently to her now. 'I'm doing everything I can to keep you safe. You were brought into a situation that's as twisted as it is complex. I can't explain it all, but you _can't_ leave this room. It's the only place you're safe from him.'

She stared at me with terrified, glassy eyes.

'…You're really afraid of him,' she sobbed. Knowing this made her obvious terror increase tenfold. 'He's…done something to make you know that he's dangerous.'

'Alice,' I warned severely, 'Just – '

'What happened?' she pressed.

I glared, my jaw trembling. 'Nothing. Seriously, you just have to trust me – '

She took a step forward, scanning me up and down as if looking for the answer to be written in Size 72 font across my body.

'What did he do to you?'

Jesus, she just wouldn't say die!

'_Nothing_!' I barked, throwing a pillow angrily at her. It passed through her with no trouble. She didn't even notice – she continued to scrutinise me. Her gaze fell to my wrists which were bruising up horribly. I hid them behind myself, stepping back.

She looked away significantly.

'…_Oh_.'

I breathed hard before her, clutching the second pillow that I'd been seconds away from pitching at her overly-curious little face.

'He – ?'

'Yeah,' I said bitterly, sliding back into bed, 'He did. Happy?'

She didn't reply.

I dragged the snagging covers back over me. This conversation was over, as far as I was concerned. She _wasn't_ supposed to know that. I'd only been prepared to tell her that Paul was an evil bastard. She wasn't meant to know how I knew this. Why couldn't she have just shut up when I'd told her to?

'Suze…' she said breathlessly. 'Oh my God… I'm sor – '

'It's no big deal,' I insisted, my voice sinking its teeth into her. 'Just stop talking, please… I need to get back to sleep. I'll figure out how I'm going to help you in the morning, okay? Now, leave me alone.'

Unsure whether to abide by my order or try to say something else, she just stuttered a single syllable.

About five minutes passed before I finally heard her move. She came and gently set behind me, her fingers stroking my hair. I glared fiercely behind closed eyes, feigning pointlessly that I was asleep.

Obediently, she didn't say another word.

Part of me wanted to pull away from her in self-disgust, but I just didn't have the energy. It was strange to think that finally, someone knew… Someone I could – God forbid – _talk_ about it with…

Maybe it'd make things easier?

Would saying it hurt more, though? Before now, I'd just pretended that it hadn't _actually_ happened. The knowledge that it had was engraved deeply into my soul, and the evidence was smeared all across my body, but whenever my thoughts had wandered that way, I'd just… blocked it out. It had worked, too. A little.

Now that Alice knew – someone who was with me, right now; someone who wasn't trapped in a mysterious plane somewhere far away – it made it real.

– I had been _raped_.

That word…I'd been avoiding it ever since – but it was true... Twice, Paul had forced me down and had…

I still couldn't believe it… that I'd let it happen; that my world was unfolding so quickly. I'd bitten off way more than I could possibly chew and I didn't know how to deal with it. I had _no_ plan of action – something _very_ uncharacteristic for me – and I was just letting him drag me into new and unforseen situations every time he called on me. I didn't want any of this… I'd just been a normal mediator crushing on the hot ghost in my room before he'd slithered into my life.

Could I have _ever_ pictured that this was what I'd become?

No way… there was no predicting this…

With Alice holding me consolingly, I drifted back to sleep.

And just like before, my dreams didn't take me anywhere in the vicinity of Jesse de Silva.

Whether I was asleep or awake, it seemed that I was trapped in a nightmare.


	14. Poor Little Martyr

_**We hope that this chapter's more satisfying than the last one.**_

-F&I-

Mildly detached, I watched the blue paint being squeezed out of the bright acrylic tube. After adding a lump of white to the side, Robbie swirled the two colours around on his pallet until they merged to become a pale sky blue. He then started flitting the loaded brush across the wall, fixing delicate highlights to the dress of the girl riding the illustrated unicorn.

I wasn't actually supposed to be at STAB today. The bookstore had almost finished its "renovations" – we were just waiting for Robbie to complete his murals before we could move everything back into the correct places. All the books had been categorised and alphabetised, and Robbie – true to his word – had scored several truckloads of books from his dad. I should have been excited, but I couldn't muster up enough energy.

Mom was giving me the cold shoulder at home. The only place where I didn't feel guilty for being was STAB. If I just said I was "going out," she'd probably assume I was off snorting coke or something. Her opinion of me had plummeted recently. I guess that it was better she thought I was some kind of delinquent than the truth, though. I didn't want her to know what a weak-willed daughter she had. At least delinquents had some kind of cool, reckless zeal for life. I was slowly losing my will to do anything, which was so much worse.

So yeah, the only place that I could be mildly free from the mess that was my life was here. After that awful nightmare I'd had last night, I needed to get out of that house. Robbie's company was strangely pacifying, too. He didn't ask many questions, and his loyalty was absolute.

His creative process was pretty interesting to watch. It wasn't like in the movies where those half-crazy artists paint psychotically with heaps of passion. He was not swilling wine, chain-smoking or throwing his brush across the canvas like some hardcore Jackson Pollock wannabe. Nor was he shirtless – although, even if he was, I doubt there would have been too much going on since Robert Gallagher isn't exactly the response to, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the buffest of them all?"

He still had this sort of…quiet intensity when he painted, though. It was hard to describe. I also liked that he didn't like to talk much as he worked, so it probably startled him when out of the blue, I asked, 'Hey Robbie…do you believe in God?'

His short, skinny arm went still in mid-stroke. Carefully, he put down his brush and pallet and studied me. 'Why do you want to know?' he asked.

I fidgeted with the little flower pendant on my choker. 'Uh, no reason. Just curious.'

He narrowed his eyes at me pensively. 'Do you? Believe in him, I mean.'

'I asked you first.'

He bit his lip, thought for a moment and then quietly replied, 'Yeah, I do. Not in the Christian fundamentalist kinda way. I haven't read the bible or anything, but I do believe in a power greater than myself. And if that's what God is, then yeah, I believe.'

I shrugged. 'Well, that's where I come undone. If there is a God, and he is as nice as my principal makes out all the time, then how can he let all these terrible things happen? Seriously, think about it. The Middle East is in shambles. There's children all over the place that go to bed starving, young girls are…raped. Killers go free while the innocent are thrown into prison. What kind of higher power lets that all happen? It sounds to me like he's sitting in his big cloudy throne with his feet kicked back and he's watching all of this with a bucket of popcorn in his arms as if we're some kind of cable show. It doesn't seem like he's particularly interested in us.'

Robbie moved over to me and hopped up on the counter beside me – quite a feat for someone so short. I tried to hide the emotions behind my reason for even asking all of this, but I think he saw through it.

'I don't think that God does any of those things. It's _people_ that do bad things to each other. To be honest, I don't think that God intervenes that much anyway. I always picture God as…'

He trailed off and then kind of laughed to himself.

'Have you ever read Fantastic Four comics?'

I blinked, completely baffled by this out-of-the-blue question. 'Uh, yeah. Once or twice,' I answered unsurely. 'But I dunno what Johnny Storm has to do with God.'

He grinned, looking a little embarrassed. That didn't stop him from persevering with his point, though. 'Are you familiar with The Watchers?'

'Um.'

'Okay,' he muttered, readjusting himself on the counter so he was sitting cross-legged, facing me. I noticed a smudge of blue paint on his nose and smiled in spite of myself. '…The Watchers, they're like these super omnipotent aliens. Each one is assigned to watch a planet; a civilisation. And that's it. Just watch – not intervene. They don't interfere because they think that if they do, then the civilisation will never advance or achieve anything. They have all this power and can do so much, but they choose to not use it.' He stopped again, and his shy smile returned. 'I know it's probably weird using a comic book to explain God, but I think he's kind of like that. Like the Watchers.'

Keeping my face as straight as I could, I said, 'You do realise that I will _never_ let you live down having a theological debate and citing Fantastic Four references, right?'

He flushed, and smiled that sweet little Robbie-smile and patted my arm softly. 'But seriously, think about it. If God actively participated, what kind of world would we be in? If we never learned how to get ourselves out of these jams? The point is the struggle,' he nodded decidedly, before breaking into a sickly cough.

I frowned in concern, but he was quick to recover.

'Some people struggle more than others, but that doesn't mean that God's cruel or anything. He just believes in us and trusts us to make things right.'

I stared at him quizzically.

Maybe I just wasn't used to having a discussion like this with someone so young. It seemed that Robbie had thought about this a lot.

I envied him for that.

He may have had a persuasive and well thought out proposal, but I still couldn't swallow it just yet. Instead, I just sighed deeply. 'You're lucky,' I murmured. 'You've got it all figured out. I sure as hell don't.'

'Who says we have to have everything figured out?' he countered.

'No one. But it'd be nice.'

He fell silent for a second, just staring at me. He really had the prettiest eyes I'd ever seen on a boy. They were so round…

I let my gaze slide back to his beautiful painting. It was a work in progress and it would take a lot of work until everything turned out okay. But I knew he'd pull it off.

When he finally spoke, his voice had changed completely to one of hesitation.

'Suze…' he began. 'I know that something's wrong for you at the moment. Really wrong. I dunno what, and… I know you probably don't want to tell me. But I want you to know that you're not alone.'

I determinedly looked at his mural.

'If you ever need to…talk, I want to listen,' he said.

I nodded, suddenly not trusting myself to speak.

He was definitely perceptive. He realised pretty quickly that I wanted a moment to myself and promptly hopped down from the counter. 'Anyway, I need to go get some more white paint,' he muttered. 'The painting's pretty dark at the moment. It needs some light.'

'Yep.'

I sounded croaky.

'Want me to get you anything? A Reese's Bar or something?'

I nodded, cracking a smile. 'Okay.'

With a last glance at me, he turned and walked out of STAB. I watched him leave, thinking over everything he'd just told me. It was scary to think that an outsider had an inkling of what was happening to me at the moment. I had to work at becoming more unreadable, otherwise people would be asking left and right if I was okay, which would just make everything so much worse. It was better that people didn't know. Then it wouldn't seem like it was impacting on my life that much.

I wasn't sure how I felt about Robbie knowing. Sure, he didn't know the details, but I'm pretty sure he'd figured out that it had something to do with "the mean guy."

I slid off the counter, looking around the bookstore absently. What was it about this place that made me feel so at peace? Everywhere else I was a wreck. Whenever I was here, I was just...calm. Maybe it was now knowing that the last time I'd been here, I had connected with Jesse. Knowing that he was watching over me some how made me feel – well, not _safer_, but more certain that I was doing the right thing in trying to protect him and Lily. Jesse certainly was no God, though. He could watch over me as much as he liked – it didn't mean he'd have any power of intervention.

What happened next made me feel like, once again, I was the butt of some higher power's joke.

If there was anyone that could have destroyed the feeling of harmony that the Second Time Around Bookstore offered, it was Paul Slater.

I didn't start trembling at the sight of him, this time. By now, I knew that hell-kissed head of dark curls, that predatory height and those powerful hands. I recognised the horrible lurch in my stomach at his presence. It was his infuriating smirk that killed me every time. I'd always hope to see some shred of honesty in his eyes – some regret and possibly even the intent to call off his whole Faustian deal.

But I knew as soon as I saw his sinister, quirked lips that I wasn't dealing with a human.

'Oh, you're alone,' he said in approval. 'Good.'

I closed my eyes sadly.

Without sight, there was only hearing. The sound of his footsteps coming closer to me was becoming disturbingly familiar. I'd have imagined cheetahs to sound like that before they pounced on their prey, if they had two legs and wore shoes. When I opened my eyes again, he was standing right in front of me. His hands smoothed down my arms to my hips, bringing me nearer to him. Despite his body heat, I'd never felt colder.

'I wanted to talk to you.'

His voice was silky, not the aggressive, breathless voice that I had heard in my dream the night before. Even though I knew it had only been inside my head, I still couldn't shake the feeling that he was going to shove me into a coffin and laugh as he buried me alive. I really wouldn't have put it past him, either.

'You couldn't possibly talk without your hands, could you?' I asked, allowing a calculated amount of rudeness to scratch my words.

He snickered. 'Sorry, but I guess I find a lot more is communicated when I let my hands do the talking. They seem to have a way of letting others know exactly what I want.' This was accompanied by one of his communicators edging up my side, resting on the curve of my breast. My gaze fell sideways. Eye-contact was not an option.

Paul went quiet for a moment, as if expecting me to snap back with some witty retort. Surely he realised that banter belonged to the past, right? I had no will to take part in a battle of sharp words. He'd always win.

Mildly irritated by my lack of cooperation, he dropped his hands all together. 'Anyway, I figured you'd be hanging around this dump again.'

I didn't expect him to notice, but STAB wasn't looking particularly dumpy these days. The lighting was infinitely better and everything was clean and welcoming, from the pastel green of the walls to the newly coated rendered counter. But I didn't argue. Nothing would be good enough for him.

'Okay,' I said. 'What did you want to say then?'

He smirked, not showing any of his teeth. 'I guess I was curious of your behaviour last night.'

I crossed my arms, looking up at him sharply. 'What's that supposed to mean?' I demanded.

'Oh, I don't know,' he rolled his eyes sarcastically. 'How about, acting like you were some poor little martyr or something? I'm sure that Father Dominic's dead girlfriend, being the big girl that she is, could have taken care of herself without you having to act all self-sacrificial. So I suppose I'm questioning your motives for wanting to help a stupid ghost so badly. I mean, in some retarded way, I can understand the case with de Silva. You think you love him. But that one last night... you got nothing out of helping her. So why did you?'

It astounded me that Paul couldn't comprehend the concept of being a good person. He mustn't have realised the suffering and guilt involved in turning your back on someone who needed you. That wasn't just why I was compelled to protect Lily, though. I knew that she didn't deserve what was going to happen to her if I left her at Paul's non-existent mercy.

I shook my head at him. 'The fact that I'd have to explain myself to you just makes you so much more pitiful than I even realised. I did it because I was trying to save someone else from going through what you put me through on a daily basis.'

He tossed his head conceitedly. 'Oh. Right. So it has nothing to do with you trying to pretend that you still hate me then.'

I made a face. _'What_? What's there to pretend? Are you saying that I don't have reason to hate you? If so, get your head checked because there's something seriously wrong with you.'

He ignored me. 'I've figured you out, Suze. I'm just here to tell you to stop pretending. Then you won't have to keep saving ghosts in your effort to keep me from knowing the truth. I was sure it'd happen sooner or later – you falling for me, I mean. You're just too proud to admit it. Well, now I know. There's no need to keep up this saint act to save face. I'd _much_ prefer to fuck you without you acting like you hate it, thank you very much.'

Appalled, I just stared at him.

There was no way that he could have convinced himself that that version of events was _true_, right?

Of all the things I'd expected him to say, it was NOT that. I already knew that his concept of good and evil were severely skewed, but... honestly, I thought he knew me better than to believe that my hatred was a deception. I actually thought he was smarter than that.

Unable to dignify his theory with my correction, I just turned away, not knowing whether to laugh or cry at his terrible delusions.

However, when he spoke again, he wasn't as disdainful as before. There was some weird form of hope in his voice. 'That's it, right?'

I did laugh. It was just so...absurd.

'That's _not_ it,' I corrected him fiercely. 'But you're obviously too stupid to be told anything different, so believe what ever the hell you want. I don't care.'

He growled to himself in anger, as if mentally crossing Theory #5 off of his list.

'Fine,' he snapped.

'If that's all, can you please get out now?' I asked. 'I'm trying to keep this a Paul-free environment.'

'No that's not all,' he replied, clearly agitated. 'I want you to tell your parents that I'm coming over to have dinner with your family tonight. I want people to know about us.'

HUH?

The idea of people thinking that me and Paul were dating made a bucketful of bile want to come spewing out of my mouth. If Adam and CeeCee knew, they'd be revolted. They knew how much I hated Paul from the amount of passionate ranting I did, and if I followed that with the announcement that I was now his girlfriend... I didn't even want to think of how they'd look at me. They knew that Paul was a spoilt rich kid who picked on the younger kids at JSMA for his own private amusement. I knew he was that and so much worse.

I wanted NO public affiliation with him.

'Are you on crack?' I gasped. 'I wouldn't let you come anywhere near my family even if we were all armed with heat-seeking missiles. There is no _way_ you are sharing a whole meal with them. And no one knows about us! Just because _you_ have nothing to be ashamed about, I still have a bit of my pride left.'

He wrinkled his nose. 'And why would any sane girl be embarrassed to have me on their arm?' he wanted to know. He was obviously offended.

'Because hopefully, the sane girls respect themselves enough to know that they deserve better than _you_,' I spat.

Wow. I did still have some juice left in me.

...I didn't know if I was masochistic or just a retarded, brainless idiot. One would think I would know when to shut up by now. I'd riled him up often enough to know that, while I may be pretty defensive of _my_ pride, his ego lashed back at even the slightest bruise. It had never ended well before, so why did I think that this would be any different?

A fire started.

Realising way too late that I'd pushed his buttons, I staggered backward and dived for the Cup o' Tea room. I probably should have sought somewhere else to hide... I mean, it wasn't as if I could protect myself by pelting cookies from 1937 at him or anything. He was right on my tail, shoving his hand out before I could properly slam the Tea room's door. He forced the door back open which made me fall back. I landed on the dusty ground pretty hard, grazing my elbows in a nasty case of carpet burn. He seized my arms and pinned me against the wall, jolting me violently.

'Paul!' I yelled, 'Stop it! N-not here – '

_'Yes_, here,' he said acidly, shaking me again. His eyes were murderous. 'Here, and _anywhere_ I want. You forget that I call the shots, Suze. I say what I want, and you provide. That's how a deal like this works. And I could really live without all your stupid little comments, too – '

I tried to scratch his face only he dodged me, shoving my wrists against the wall. I then tried kicking, but he came to stand between my legs so I could no longer move. I writhed beneath him furiously, swearing filthily at him. This was not happening. In his room, it had felt so secluded – so surreal. Now, he was trying to defile a place that I held dear. I didn't want the Bookstore to be polluted with memories of him forcing me to –

'No,' he snapped, slapping my face hard as I tried to spit at him. He panted hard against my neck. 'Stop moving...' He hooked his thumb in the belt loop of my jeans. He was just trying to assert his power again. I'd embarrassed him, and I was going to pay for it.

But before anything could be torn off, a horrified, shrill yell made us both go completely still.

I whipped my head around and saw Robbie standing in the doorway, a tube of paint and a candy bar clutched in his hand. He dropped them, shocked at the sight that lay before his eyes. My eyes widened as I realised one of my worst fears was coming true – everything about me and Paul was being revealed...

'Fuck off, kid,' Paul grunted at Robbie, glaring. I tried to use the distraction to get away, but Paul just slammed me back against the wall again. My heart was wild from the assault as well as the discovery. The boy was cemented to the spot.

Then, he said something that astonished everyone present, including himself.

_'...N-no,_' he stuttered. 'You g-get away from her, n-now.'

Paul laughed furiously, and asked me, 'Is he for real?' Then, before I could blink, Paul had shoved me to the floor and had launched himself at Robbie. The little guy, realising that Paul's six feet of muscle was probably not going to do him much good, fled backward with a cry of shock. Paul seized him by the collar of his shirt, arched his fist back and then punched him squarely in the nose.

The crunch was deafening. Splatters of blood landed on the wall and floor as Robbie crumbled to the ground, holding his face in pain.

'Dumb-ass little punk,' Paul sneered in disgust. 'Get the hell out of here.'

'Duze,' he moaned.

'Robbie, go,' I held back a woeful, enraged rush of tears. My terrible secret was hurting people...

Paul, quite convinced that he'd dealt with the sandy-haired interruption, turned his attention back to me. He didn't expect to be jumped from behind and bashed in the head with a monster of a book. Paul roared as he went down.

Robbie scrambled over to me and tried to help me up. Blood was streaming down his face from his nostrils, recolouring his shirt as every second passed. However, Paul grabbed his ankle and yanked him to the ground.

He got up, humiliation burning in his icy eyes. 'Who the _hell_ do you think you are?' he demanded, kicking the boy's kneecap. Robbie howled.

'PAUL!' I screamed piercingly. 'GET OUT!'

He stopped, staring at me and then looking back to Robbie. With an uncomfortable twitch, he stepped back. 'Just...tell your parents you've invited me over for dinner Suze,' he said with finality. His voice was much quieter now. '...We're done here.'

And then he was gone.

Panicking, I crawled over to Robbie who was almost crying in pain. 'Oh my God,' I whimpered, my hands shaking terribly, 'Robbie, are you okay?'

'My dose ih broke,' he said gingerly, holding his nose in one hand and his knee with the other. 'Are you oday?'

'I'm fine,' I gushed emotionally, trying not to start crying in front of him. 'I'm so sorry, sweetie... I can't believe he – '

'Cab I go ta hobbitle?' he wanted to know. 'Buh don tell mamum...'

I couldn't help it. I burst into tears. 'Of course...I'm sorry...oh my God, I'm _so sorry_ – '

He tried to get up on his own, but I wouldn't let him. I slid his free arm around my shoulders and hoisted him into a standing position. 'Can you walk?'

'I'b all right,' he promised. 'Dobe worry...'

We spilled out of the bookstore and I finally got him into my car. I was so upset, and I couldn't stop shaking. Sounding dejected, he informed me that he'd "goh budd on deh carseab" and I frantically assured him that it SO didn't matter.

After telling the nurse in Emergency that I'd accidentally knocked him in the nose in our workplace, I waited as she inspected it unsurely. I wasn't sure if she believed be, judging from how terrible his nose looked and how hysterical I was, but she didn't pursue it. Instead, she told Robbie she needed to know his mom's phone number.

He freaked out, but after being told that they couldn't help him as much as necessary without his mom being informed, he defeatedly surrendered the number.

I won't even tell you how horrible that confrontation was, either. When Mrs Gallagher finally showed up in Emergency, well... okay, I've _never_ been yelled at like that before. I was in floods when she told me to get the hell away from her son. I left the hospital miserably, hating Paul…

-F&I-

'So when's your friend coming around?' Mom asked me in a would-be casual voice. She was trying to start conversation, which I guess is kind of commendable since we'd barely spoken. As Paul had ordered, I'd told my parents that I'd be bringing a "friend" for dinner. Andy expressed his annoyed surprise that I was actually going to show up for dinner this time. Mom had just sniffed at me.

'I don't know,' I shrugged, carefully avoiding the use of his name, or any masculine pronouns. While I'd give anything for an excuse as to why Mom and Andy wouldn't allow Paul to enter their house, I'd weighed up the consequences of not doing what he said. Robbie's shattered nose was just a taste of what'd happen if I got too cocky.

'Oh,' Mom replied frostily. 'Okay then.'

'Yeah.'

All evidence of tears had been fixed by the reapplication of my trusty make-up, and I'd been forced to change because Robbie's blood was smeared over my other clothes. Now, I wore a black tank top and jeans. I didn't want anyone to know what was happening. Hopefully, it'd just be a normal dinner, only slightly marred by the presence of pure evil.

It was six-thirty. Dinner was due to start on the hour, and Brad hadn't even gotten home from Kelly Prescott's house yet. Andy was busying himself with dinner – an all out roast. I just sat quietly on the couch across from Mom. We both watched TV, not saying a word. I had no idea what show I was watching. I just didn't want anyone to talk to me unless absolutely necessary.

My eyes were trained on the clock. At precisely twelve minutes to seven o'clock, the doorbell rang. I hoped that it was Brad, home finally from his brothel – us Ackerman/Simon kids were supposed to show up half an hour before dinner – but since when have I ever been so fortunate?

Mom went to answer the door. I heard the soft gasp of surprise.

'Oh, uh, hey Mrs. Ackerman,' that stuttering-charmingly-in-all-the-right-places voice swam sickly through the air. 'I hope I'm not late...I'm Paul Slater, Suze's guest. Oh, these are for you by the way...'

Another gasp sounded from my mother. 'My, they're lovely... thank you – er, Paul.'

I twisted around in my seat furiously, just in time to see Mom walking from the entrance with a colourful bouquet of flowers. My mouth fell open in horror. That was when I realised that no, this was _not_ going to be a pleasant evening. Paul followed behind my cheerful mother, radiating with the "nice guy" vibe. He was dressed in dark jeans and a casual button down navy shirt, looking even more like eye candy than ever. I realised this had worked just as he'd planned when I noticed the flush in my mother's cheeks. He caught sight of me, and his humble expression slid off of his face like oil, replaced with a deeply satisfied smirk.

He was going to make this night _hell_.

I launched out of my chair. I wasn't leaving him alone with my parents for a second. Who knew the damage he'd do? Once in the kitchen, I saw Paul graciously offering my Mom his help with setting the table. Mom refused, but Paul insisted – he gently tugged the placemats out of her hands and made his way to the dining table in the adjoining room.

'Seven place settings Mrs Ackerman?' he called unsurely.

'Yes, Paul,' Mom smiled. 'You really don't have to...'

Then her eyes fell on me. 'Get in there and help him!' she hissed, shoving the cutlery tray at me and smacking me on the backside. I rushed into the dining room, my eyes feral with infuriation.

_'What are you doing_?' I mouthed at Paul, irate. He looked up at me innocently. 'Sorry? I didn't catch that Suze.'

I glanced around suspiciously in case anyone was eavesdropping. When I was sure the coast was clear, I leant across the table as ominously as I could. 'If you think you're going to suck up to my mother, you are so wrong. She'll see straight through you.'

His face once again broke into a fantastically evil grin. 'We'll see about that.'

I was so angry. I slammed the knives and forks down on either side of the place settings. 'I swear, if you even – '

'DINNER'S READY!' Andy yodelled throughout the Ackerman residence.

Paul promptly went back into the kitchen to help Andy and my Mom carry everything. I sat down at the end of the table, hoping to avoid sitting right beside him. This was terrible. Why had I even agreed to this? I had no idea he'd...oh God, this was bad.

David and Jake came down from their respective lairs and took their usual places at the eight-seater. When my parents and Paul came back into the room carrying the roasted lamb, potatoes, vegetables and the bowl of Caesar salad, my step-brothers just stared curiously.

'Hey,' Paul said, nodding at Sleepy coolly.

'Paul Slater?' Jake quirked an eyebrow. 'You're in my sister's class, right?'

'Yeah,' Paul nodded. He set the lamb down in the centre of the table before looking around the table as if wondering where to sit. Mom caught sight of him and snapped at me, 'Suze, move to somewhere else – you don't want Paul sitting on his own, do you?'

'I think he'll be fine,' I said through gritted teeth.

'I'd much prefer it if...' Paul murmured, before shaking his head and smiling grandly in false recovery. 'I mean, no, that's fine, Suze can sit where she likes.'

'Suze!' Mom snapped. 'Swap with David, _now_.'

Bitterly, I exchanged places with David. Paul sat down beside me, whispering loudly, 'I'm really sorry if I got you in trouble, Suze...'

'Don't worry,' Mom replied, overhearing. 'Suze has been a grouch lately.'

Paul laughed appreciatively.

'Shut up, Mom,' I groaned. I knew what Paul was doing now: he was getting her on side.

'Suze,' Andy grumbled, restraining himself since we had a guest. He didn't like any of us kids disrespecting his wife. 'Manners, please.'

Everyone had sat down, except for Dopey. I found myself gleeful that he was late – it'd take some of the sting out of how badly behaved I was apparently acting. Andy wouldn't let us eat until he showed up. In the meantime, he began conversation.

'So, Paul, how do you know Suze?'

Jake interrupted, pleased to know this answer, 'Suze babysat his brother that summer when she was working at the Pebble Beach Hotel. Now I know where I remember you from,' he added, eyeing Paul in recognition.

'Really?' Mom sounded pleased. 'Oh, well that's nice.'

Jake wasn't done though. 'Didn't you get all pissed when you asked my sister out and she said no?' he asked, frowning.

Oh, GO JAKE!

Paul's face went blank in awkward shock. 'Uh... I'm pretty sure that wasn't me, Jake.'

My eldest step-brother stared at Paul a moment longer, before shrugging dismissively. 'Whatever.'

As soon as no one was looking at him, Paul flipped Jake off angrily. When Doc looked back toward him, Paul pretended to be scratching his nose. I could only watch the awful scene unfold, completely powerless to stop this nightmare. 'Paul,' I whispered under my breath, 'Please...'

'What do you mean you haven't told them?' he replied loudly, as if responding to a threat I'd just made to him. He cast my suddenly alert parents an apologetic look. 'Wow, this is awkward,' he laughed, innocent. 'I was sure that Suze had told you we were dating.'

...He _didn't_.

Oh my God.

He totally did.

Mom's eyebrows shot up into her curly auburn hair. 'What?' she asked sharply from the other end of the table, her eyes snatching me up. 'You are?'

'No – ' I spluttered, shooting a fierce glare at the boy sitting to my right, but Paul just sighed. 'Suze, I kept telling you to just _tell_ them. You really need to start being honest with your Mom, you know.'

My face was the pinnacle of deer-caught-in-headlights. My throat had closed completely, and I just stared in absolute shock at Paul.

Mom said moodily, 'He's very right, Suze. What else you're keeping from me, I'm frightened to know. First Jesse, and now – '

Paul blinked at that name, looking quickly at my mother. 'Did you say Jesse?' he asked.

'No,' I half-shouted, but Mom nodded. 'Yes – do you know him?'

He allowed a dark look to cloud his face. 'I did,' he muttered atmospherically, as if remembering that name caused him some kind of pain. 'I _really_ didn't approve of him... especially the way he treated Suze. Way too old for her. Plus, he had the mouth of a sailor. I'm just glad him and his dead-beat dad skipped town when they did.'

I buried my face in my hands, dying a million gory deaths. This wasn't happening.

'Oh, really,' Andy regarded with a disgruntled tone. 'Well, in that case, I'm glad Suze has cleaned up her act and has found someone decent.'

Paul grinned, laughing modestly. 'Oh, I'm not all that great. But at least I know how to treat a girl right, unlike that other guy...'

Disgusted, I shot him a sideways glance. He wasn't even looking at me though. He was smiling contently into nothingness. I resurfaced from my hand-made shelter and looked around miserably. Doc was staring at me curiously, frowning occasionally at Paul. Oh, I hoped to _God_ that he wasn't been fooled by Paul's bullshit.

The front door slammed, and Brad stumbled into the dining room, looking really ticked off. 'Sorry I'm late,' he grunted at his father before – and I'm not even joking – farting. Mom's eyes flew open. 'Bradley,' she hissed, horrified. 'We have company, if you didn't notice.'

Bemused, Brad looked around the table. When his gaze landed on Paul, he just gawked. 'Slater?' he demanded. 'What are _you_ doing here?'

'Hey Brad,' Paul acknowledged, careful to not appear too chummy with him, only to be shot down. It was well known at school that Brad was pretty jealous of Paul's popularity and money – and the fact that he'd gotten in on the Kelly action the minute he'd asked her out.

Looking almost as furious as me, Brad sat down opposite me, positively livid at the thought of opening his home to Paul Slater. Andy – who was sitting beside him – whispered what looked like words of warning. Brad immediately cooled it, but only just.

Everyone started eating. Mom kept on asking Paul loads of questions about his family and how he was doing at school. I remained relatively mute for the whole meal. No one noticed – they were all transfixed by the great guy that I'd bagged. Paul told jokes that had my mum giggling uncontrollably – jokes that were as clean as a freshly washed laundry. I just scowled to myself, only acting cheerful when I was asked a question.

'Captain of the Tennis team?' Mom sounded impressed. 'Wow. Why didn't Suze join the Tennis team?'

'I suck,' I assured Mom.

'She doesn't,' Paul argued merrily. 'I kept trying to get her to join, but she's so stubborn.'

'Don't we know it,' Mom rolled her eyes, laughing at my expense.

'I remember one time,' Paul began, as if trying to hold back laughter, 'Suze was walking home on a scorching day, and she just _refused_ to get in the car with me.' Realising that I got yelled at less if I just held my tongue, I allowed him to continue the story.

However, that was when I felt his hand slide between my legs under the table. My eyes widened and I looked at Paul in alarm. He was still recounting his tale animatedly. 'I think I called her a brat – big mistake,' he grinned. 'It just made her even madder.'

I hid my eyes, trying to not reveal this secret violation. His fingers fiddled quickly with the button of my jeans until his fingers sank further into my pants. He stroked my thighs and I shivered horribly.

'Paul – ' I said, breathless.

'What?' he turned, looking directly into my eyes.

I saw a lot in that look. At first glance, there was the humble, happy good guy that my family was seeing. Beneath that though, triumph cackled back at me fiercely. He was winning this dreadful game. He dared me to tell them where his hand was...what it was doing to me, and how it was making me feel. I just tried to breathe. My gaze silently begged him to stop humiliating me, but he only stroked harder, moving into a place that was even more dangerous.

I gasped, looking away. 'Uh...nothing...' I panted, wiping my hand down my face.

'Are you okay, Suze?' Andy checked, staring at me with concern. 'Your face has gone all red.'

I pressed my fist over my mouth, nodding quickly. Paul's fingers moved even more forcefully, triggering that most hated desire once again. Above the table, everything was as merry as Christmas. Beneath, shrouded by the table cloth on the other hand, was a whole other story. The conversation continued on and Paul wouldn't stop torturing me. I was gripping the table so hard that my knuckles shone starkly white. My knees were shaking, and I couldn't breathe. I tried to muffle my panting by drinking water, but that only made me choke.

Paul laughed along with my family – Brad excluded – but I knew that that amusement was for me. He was enjoying this thoroughly...making me literally squirm right here in front of my family while they knew nothing. They thought he was this golden boy that had come into their troubled daughter's life and was gonna get it on the right track again. I bit back a cry of miserable pleasure, biting down hard on my tongue.

And then, just as I was about to explode, Paul finally withdrew his hand. I squeezed my thighs together, horrified at what I must have looked like to my parents.

'Um,' I whispered raspily, 'I just need to go to the bathroom...'

Mom frowned. 'Hurry,' she said in a hard voice.

I nodded, holding my head and staggering from the room. I climbed upstairs somehow, and once I was finally out of everyone's earshot, I collapsed onto my bed, shaking from a combination of mortification, hatred and...something else entirely.

Lily – I mean Alice – was already in my room. She looked at me inquisitively. 'Oh my, are you okay? You look terrible, Suze.'

'I – ' I gasped, but there was a knock on my door.

'Just a second, I'm – I'm coming,' I shouted hysterically, clenching every muscle in my body to make the terrible aching heat go away.

'I'll bet,' came the soft, amused reply.

I sat up, terrified. Alice's expression went blank. 'Is that…?'

'Go away!' I moaned, holding my face in agony. I felt so, _so_ hot and I couldn't escape this maddening desire that was pounding fiercely below my stomach, _screaming_ for attention.

I knew he couldn't come in here – he'd get blasted back if he tried.

'Come on, Suze,' he laughed, careful not to talk too loudly. 'Come back downstairs. Or are you finishing off?'

Appalled at this, I jammed my eyes shut against the terrible force inside. 'I hate you so damned much…' I whined pitifully.

'Oh well,' he said, 'I guess I could go talk to your mother some more – '

I was off that bed faster than you could say "OVER MY DEAD BODY." I yanked my bedroom door open, breathing heavily. 'Don't you dare – '

'Whoa,' Paul smirked smarmily down at me. 'I sure did a number on you, didn't I…'

I went to shove him, but instead he seized my wrists and pulled me out of my room – and out of safety. White electricity buzzed at the bedroom doorway as if aware of Paul's presence and ready to zap should he even think of entering. But Paul led me instead to our guestroom before shutting and locking the door. I gotta say, I didn't put up too much of a fight. All my energy was focused elsewhere, refusing to dwindle.

He sat me down on the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of me sympathetically. 'Don't worry,' he assured me with a smile, 'I'll make you feel better…'

And after tugging down my pants and underwear, he did.

I seized a pillow and tried to smother my cries. My skin burned with intense humiliation. My legs pulled his shoulders further against me. I couldn't blame them…they knew what the needed, and they were desperate to escape this painful limbo. He kissed me vigorously, making my body go rock hard for a few mind-massacring moments before everything went completely black.

The screaming within my body had finally been silenced. I went slack against the mattress.

The pillow was plucked away from my face and Paul was staring down at me, his pale eyes glittering in satisfaction. I just panted in response, unable to form words after…that.

'Better?' he wanted to know.

'_You…asshole…_' I barely managed.

Even by the time he was downstairs, I could still hear him laughing.

After sliding back into my clothes, I dissolved into tears of clenching shame.

-F&I-

**_Please review. We always want to hear your comments..._**


	15. The Cycle

**_Lolly_: I know that there are a lot of people who don't like where Fire and Ice is as the moment. If you don't like it because it's too dark and icky, then I don't think this is the story for you. If you are disappointed in Suze's character and how weak she seems at the moment, put yourself in her shoes…she's a _really_ strong person who just got broken down in the worst possible way. She'll need at least a bit of time to bounce back.**

**_Steph_: Plus, the best stories need a lowest point before they can turn around. It's like the trash compactor scene in Star Wars: it's the lowest point, they are literally in the trash about to die– and everything after that goes up. There's a literary term for it that starts with an "n" but I can't remember it right now.**

**_Lolly_: But don't worry, she's not staying like that. But we needed _some _recovery time and we needed Paul to continually try to, ya-know, because he's trying to see if he can ever catch Suze at a moment where she will enjoy it. He really hates ya-knowing her. He'd MUCH rather she'd be a Paulie groupie like the rest of the female population.**

**What happens at the end of this chapter is something that will change the course of the story as Paul tries to find a way to get Suze to love him. He seriously thinks it's still possible. This story DOES have a plot for those who think it doesn't, haha.**

**I just read over that dream in Chapter 13, and I actually like how much I managed to jam into it. Maybe it's all the poetry analysis I've been doing at school, but I think I did an okay job at foreshadowing and symbolising stuff. Read it again if you wanna see if you can pull anything from it.**

**_Steph_: And one more thing, the whole flashback stuff I'm personally proud of. Some of the historical facts are a bit smudged for story purposes but it's all feasible. I just got done watching both amazing seasons of HBO's "Carnivale" so that's what inspired me. And for our non-US readers and anyone who may not know an "Oakie" is a derogatory term from the Depression meaning someone from Okalahoma or thereabouts who fled the Dust Bowl to N. CA. They were unliked mainly cuz they were poor, had different accents, and some saw them as job stealers since they were so desperate they'd work for next to nothing.**

– **F&I-**

It was an eternity of tears before I pulled myself together enough to leave that guestroom. As soon as I got back to my own room, I ignored Alice's frantic questions and charged straight into my bathroom, into the shower. The barely functioning logical part of my mind concluded that no one would bother me while I was in the shower, and I wouldn't have to answer to my mother's demands as to why I'd acted so rudely at the dinner table.

My anger and hatred at that moment wasn't just restricted to Paul and myself, but it was also aimed at my stupid goddamned family. How could they have fallen so easily under Paul's spell? Didn't any of them question why I'd ever be with someone who was obviously so plastic? Because that's how he'd acted – like a complete robot on "Golden Boy" function.

My mom was the worst, though... Wasn't there supposed to be some tight connection that bound us together? Shouldn't she have intuitively been able to see that something was seriously wrong with my behaviour, if I was supposedly around my "boyfriend"? Was she DEMENTED? Why would I have acted like I hated his guts if I was "in love"? God, they were all so stupid. I mean, the one who was closest to knowing Paul's true colours was DOPEY, for heaven's sake. How screwed was that? My most annoying step-brother was the only one able to see through Paul's turbo-shiny exterior.

And Doc! Hadn't he picked up on all of those little hints about Jesse? He KNEW Jesse was a ghost. So why had he warmed to Paul so quickly, like the rest of them? Why had he giggled appreciatively at all of his jokes?

I still couldn't believe that Paul was doing this to me, though.

Of all the things he could have done to me, tearing me away from my family was just devastating. I saw the mistrust in my mother's eyes when Paul revealed that we were together. It broke me to know that she was losing faith in me, all over lies...

The water pelted down over my body, burning away the dirt on my skin. I grabbed at my hair and pulled, wincing against the pain and the heat.

If there was ever a hell on Earth, this was it.

I mean no metaphor. I saw no sign of good in this situation. People I loved were getting hurt... my family was turning away from me. Every day, I sank lower and lower into my humiliating weakness, and there was nothing to suggest that this torment would cease.

This had to be hell.

My chest was painfully clenched when I finally shut the water off. I didn't want to go back into my room... Alice would just bombard me with an ocean of questions again, and I couldn't answer.

I wanted to be alone. I wanted silence.

...But I couldn't stand naked in my bathroom forever.

This realisation added yet more weight to my already broken back as I wrapped a towel around me and stepped into my room. Instantly, Alice – who was sitting agitatedly on my window seat – launched at me as predicted.

'Suze!' she gasped. 'What happened? When I saw him at the door, I didn't know what to do! And then he took you away, I thought that... I need to know what's going on. Please, I'm just so confused – '

I tried to block out her voice as I privately slid into pyjamas under the shelter of my towel, but I couldn't ignore her growing hysteria. She was been yanked into this chaotic world unwillingly – I owed it to her to explain what was happening.

With a laboured sigh, I sank onto the edge of my bed, eyes closed. The urge to sleep was overwhelming – there was always comfort in knowing that the possibility of Jesse lurked somewhere within my unconscious mind... However, Alice was borderline hysterical. It was cruelty to leave her like that.

'All right...' I muttered wearily. My misery made every part of my body ache. 'I'll tell you whatever you want to know.'

With wide brown eyes, she knelt beside me on the bed. 'I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I'm going out of my mind – '

'It's okay,' I said half-heartedly. It was hard to assure her when I knew that things weren't okay. But I did my best. 'Ask me anything.'

She did. She asked everything – about Paul, about the situation she'd been pulled into... My answers were lengthy, emotionless and monotonous. I mentioned everything I could possibly think of, starting from the very beginning from when I'd arrived in Carmel to the present time, including my terrible deal with Paul.

She was a very attentive listener, asking for more detail when she thought I wasn't being as liberal as she wanted. It was exhausting and it lasted for over an hour, but when she'd finally been caught up on everything – who Jesse was, what Paul's deal entailed and everything else he was doing to destroy my life – she just stared at me.

I looked away quickly, unreceptive to her pity. 'Is that all?'

She didn't reply at first – her mouth was still open in a tiny 'O' of shock and sympathy. Then, she started to say it: 'Oh Suze... I'm _so sor_ – '

'Don't,' I said, with much more harshness than I'd intended. She didn't look offended by it, though – just understanding. I quietened my voice a little and sighed, 'Sorry, I didn't mean to snap...'

'If I was you right now, I would have snapped a long time ago,' she admitted, looking blown away by the intimate details of my predicament. 'I feel so awful. Here I am pestering you with a million questions when the last thing you wanted to do was – '

'It's okay,' I said again. But this time, she saw past my pacifying words and she understood the true not-okay-ness of it all. Instead of sympathetic words this time, she just wrapped her arms around me tightly. I didn't really respond... I just let her hold me. It was nice to be hugged like that. Her arms were far to delicate to resemble Jesse's, but if I imagined hard enough, it was somewhat reminiscent of his comforting embrace. I was impressed at how revealing all of that hadn't left rendered me crying once again, but it also made me a little afraid at how I barely felt anything except misery. It was as if I was hardening myself; freezing my heart in order to paralyse my emotions.

...Would they be stuck that way?

God, I hoped not.

She'd been holding for in silence for at least ten minutes when I finally pulled away. 'Anyway,' I mumbled, blinking tiredly. 'Are you sure there's nothing that you can tell me about you? Have you remembered anything yet?'

Alice shook her head. 'No,' she said sadly. 'I have been trying to remember, but whenever I do, it's always like the answer is just a little bit beyond my reach. It's really infuriating... And, while you were in the shower, I was still trying to think – but all I could picture in my mind was his blue eyes.'

My curiosity was roused. 'What? Whose eyes? Dominic's?'

'No,' she denied. 'Uh... _Paul's_ eyes. I know it's crazy, but... I feel like I've met him before. Not in this life..._before_ that.'

I frowned, deflated. 'Oh.'

She looked a little ashamed of herself. 'I'm sorry for being so useless...'

'No!' I said quickly. It was one thing for me to be feeling like shit, but she was completely innocent of _everything_ here, and therefore had no right to feel like I did. 'No, you're not useless. I didn't expect you to remember anything about being Lily Winters – she was a whole lifetime ago for you.'

'But I'm d-dead now,' she replied, tripping over the unfamiliar word which she'd have to grow accustomed to. 'Shouldn't it like, all be revealed for me now? Why are those memories staying locked away? The closest I can get to them is a horrible feeling of déjà vu, which isn't nearly good enough.'

I shrugged. 'Alice, really. Don't worry about it. It wasn't important anyway.'

'Why do you keep asking about Dominic though?' she pressed. 'Why is he so important to know about? Was he a ghost too?'

'Not exactly.'

She sighed in defeat, before moving away from beside me and wandering over to my mirror to stare at her ghostly reflection. After a moment's internal debate about the pros and cons of moving, I finally got up and joined her. She was staring intently at her pale face, framed with cascading golden curls.

'I wish I could remember for you...' she breathed.

She looked so disappointed with herself. I didn't want her to feel that way, but at the same time I really did want her to be able to recall her past life. Trying to be comforting all the same, I patted her gently on the shoulder.

'I'm sure you'll remember someday,' I said.

Well, I had been about to say it, but before I could get the entire sentence out, there was a painful swirling sensation in my head as if I was spinning around incredibly fast and I was about to be sick. I tried to pull away from Alice as if it were my contact with her that had caused this illness, but it felt as though my hand had been plastered to her skin. She turned her head in confusion, and asked me something, but I couldn't hear what she said due to the sudden blast of wind that roared in my ears.

Everything started shimmering mistily and I could feel myself literally disconnecting with my body. In some part of my consciousness, I knew that my body had just clunked heavily to the floor, but some form of me had stayed standing.

Not for long, though.

In the space of a second, I felt myself being sucked forward, right into Alice's eyes.

**-F&I-**

My chest convulsed with a hacking cough, causing my whole body to shake painfully. The outside air was crisp and cool on my skin…or the little skin that was exposed, anyway. I squinted as the sun's bright rays assaulted my eyes, and a light breeze tickled my cheek.

Then, I felt my hand move to wipe a bead of sweat from my brow. The sensation was strange for some reason… I couldn't remember actually thinking about the action.

I wanted to turn, get my bearings and figure out where the hell I was, but as I tried to move my legs or even move my head, the physical response was…nothing.

My fingers continued to pick the fruit from the vine painfully. I was in a horrible crouching position that made my knees ache, and the distinct feeling of fluid in my chest made me feel dizzy.

And yet, I couldn't move.

I just plucked strawberry after strawberry off of a bush, inspecting it quickly and tossing it away if it was deemed to be bad, or placing it in my basket if it was a good one.

_**I've forgotten the taste of strawberries…**_

The voice echoed gently in my head. It was familiar, but it certainly wasn't my own.

Why was this voice speaking in my head? And why couldn't I move my own body? Why was I _outside_? Panic seized me, but I was powerless to do anything. I tried to open my mouth to shout for help, but again…nothing. All I could do was exist here, a prisoner inside this mind while my hands did things I didn't command them to do.

_**I wonder if they taste as sweet as they all say. When Cassie turned five, Daddy bought her one to celebrate. I wish he'd gotten me one.**_

I felt my eyes drift closed as a burning sensation stung my throat.

Tears.

I was trying to hold them back.

…But _why_? Who the hell was Cassie? And why was I so upset about her? And _why_ was I hearing this voice in my head? This voice that didn't belong to me?

Especially when it was obviously Alice's.

My fingers gathered around an especially large, succulent, ruby red strawberry. I licked my lips.

_**I haven't eaten all day… I'd love to know what a strawberry tastes like. But…if the foreman sees…**_

I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. Why on earth was I so torn up about eating a sweet looking strawberry? I mean, I was obviously picking them for that purpose, right? My Grandma took me berry picking once when mom and I were staying with her, and she always said that half the fun is eating fruit straight off the vine. It always tastes extra yum.

So why was I so conflicted about it now?

Quickly and without much more thought, I tossed it quickly into my mouth and bit down, tearing the green bit away. My mouth held what was possibly the most juicy, perfect strawberry that the world had ever known. I almost keeled over in ecstasy…

**_It tastes even better than it looked… _**Alice's voice echoed inside my mind.

Suddenly, a different voice was bellowing at me. 'HEY! YOU THERE! OAKIE!'

Frightened, I quickly went back to the vines, frantically picking strawberries without even noticing if they were good fruit or not. My heart sped up and my lungs felt tighter than they already felt from my coughing fit before.

That was when it struck me. These thoughts…Alice's voice… was I reading her mind? I'd never been able to do that before. I mean, it would have come in handy around finals back in June.

But…didn't mind reading just involve hearing thoughts as the person's thinking them? Not actually seeing what happened back when they were thought, ages ago? This was _so_ trippy…

'I SAID YOU!' The voice that I'd almost forgotten about yelled furiously again, and a large oaf of a man grabbed me and dragged me angrily from the vine. 'I don't pay trash like you to EAT! I pay a penny a pound for you to PICK the fruit!'

_**Oh no, he caught me…I can't lose this. Mama needs this money… Tom needs to go to school –**_

What the HELL was going on? Who were all these people? And who on earth would work for a slave fee of _one penny_?

'So, you've got nothing to say for yourself, you thieving little whore?' the man roared at me, his unshaven face bright red with fury.

I started to cough violently, tearing up. My lungs felt like I was going to explode. My hand flew to my mouth in my efforts not to cough up phlegm all over this guy. Then to my horror, I looked at my palm and saw traces of blood spitting up with the cough.

Okay, that was _not_ good. If a person in the movies was coughing up blood, it was usually a sure fire way of –

…of knowing they were dying.

_**Oh no...**_

That's when I looked down at myself… My arms were thin, and my skin was darker than my usual fair complexion, as if _this_ body had spent a lot of time out in the sun. The material of my dress was a cheap, faded flower print. That's when I spoke.

'Please…please sir, I was just… I – I'll pay for it, you can take it from my wages, I'm – '

That voice wasn't mine. And it wasn't Alice's. I heard a slight lilt that Alice didn't have.

Lily Winters was talking.

…This whole existence screamed Lily Winters. How could I have been so slow? I wasn't mind reading. I was _inside_ her mind. Somehow… oh my God – somehow, I'd managed to get through the locked door that hid her memories away.

She was alive, here –

My own revelations were interrupted by a sharp kick in my ribs of a hard boot. I saw more blood against my hand as I coughed and cried, and fell to the ground, desperately devoid of air…

The man above me swore angrily, and I heard feet running away and yells for help.

This wasn't just Lily's life, I realised.

…This was her death.

A flash clouded my vision suddenly, and when I could see once more, my surroundings had changed. I found myself in a bed, but I'd kicked the blankets off of me. It was so hot and cold at the same time…like I had a fever, but a lot worse than I'd ever felt before. I shivered uncontrollably.

Lily's thoughts were a jumbled mess – random strings of thought kept popping into her head.

_**Cassie, don't run away you chicken! Mama will find out!**_

My eyes opened, and I looked up. This…place. It was so familiar… I'd seen this before somewhere –

Oh my God!

I was at the Mission! My school! Except it looked a lot more basic than I'd ever seen it. Blearily, I glanced around. Women with red crosses around their arms with stark white hats roamed from one bed to another. I wheezed and shook horribly, hearing voices floating in my head, but I couldn't identify who was talking.

'Such a shame…the family moved out to protect the last one from getting Dust pneumonia too. How's that for bad luck? Lost six kids already…about to lose the last one…'

'There's no way she'll pull through?'

'Maybe if we could get her to a proper hospital. But the family's got not money. And it's miles away up in Sonoma. No, the best we can do is try to make her comfortable.'

The voices disappeared.

And I remembered faintly Mr. Walden's lecture on The Mission's history. How during the 30's it had been used as a hospice for influenza and dust pneumonia victims from Okalahoma or Nebraska and stuff who couldn't afford regular health services.

People like Lily…

_**Here we go 'round the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush… here we go 'round the mulberry bush so early in the 'morn.**_

Wow…this was how Lily had died? Alone, scared, delirious, hacking and shivering? Not to mention, she already knew what was going to happen to her after seeing what had happened to her siblings… That was who Cassie must have been, and Tom… Oh, poor Lily…

I started to feel her slipping.

Soon, the cough stopped. So did her shivering.

And lastly…

Her heart.

I saw Lily Winters for the very first time. I was still inside her body, but her spirit had disconnected with it, and as a ghost, she stood before herself, confused.

'Why didn't Mama and Daddy come?' she whispered.

– The scene flashed brightly again.

When my eyes popped open _this_ time, I was standing in the Mission's breezeway, staring at the ocean.

_**Mama and I never got a chance to see the ocean…too busy working…**_

I was still living in Lily's memories only…now, this was after she had died. Her head was turned down and I saw her wearing a blue dress which was slightly torn, and her feet were bear.

Suddenly, I heard music…

I turned and walked in the direction it came from… I could even start making out the words:

"_Shoo bop, shoo bop…"_

I could hear it clear as a bell. It was that old Flamingos song, "I Only Have Eyes For You." I entered what was now my World Civ. classroom, and saw that the date on the chalkboard was January 1965. I sort of knew this song, but Lily sure didn't. It intrigued her.

Turning from the front of the classroom, I saw a guy sitting at his desk with an old, scratchy radio playing the song. He was wearing a white shirt and black pants. The back of his hair was crisp and sharp in a way that only a straight-laced kid circa '65 could pull off – not to mention, he was trying to discreetly light up a cigarette. But something inside me, as well as Lily almost, well…we sensed there was something more to this guy.

I walked towards him.

_**Why am I so nervous? He won't see me. They never see me…**_

I walked until I was right in front of him. His nose was buried in a book, but I could tell straight toff the bat: _total _hottie.

_**My…he's handsomer than most…**_

Obviously, Lily pretty much thought the same. She sighed gently.

Suddenly, the boy snapped his head up…and his baby blue gaze locked right on me – I mean, Lily.

In fright, he ended up dropping the cigarette on the ground. He quickly stamped on it.

'What the gosh darn heck are youdoin' here?' he demanded, trying to conceal that he'd been startled.

For God's sake, boy. You can't say all _three_, no matter what generation you're from (or how hot you may be.) Pick one!

I could feel something, though. I could feel Lily's emotions…there was something definitely stirring within her. It felt the same way that I did when I had first met Jesse. That tingling, warm, hollow feeling at the pit of your stomach that glowed with a certain recognition that this person in front of you would one day mean something to you… you just didn't realise it yet…

Lily obviously didn't realise it either. 'What are _you_ doing here?' she demanded. 'I, unlike you, died here. In this very room. That very desk you're at was where my bed was. Don't you gosh-darn-heck me, mister.'

He slanted his eyes, but I could totally tell that her thought she was hot stuff. 'I thought I had rid this Mission of all the pesky ghosts,' he muttered irritably.

'You sound pretty sure of yourself,' Lily replied, crossing her arms. The song continued to play… 'Then again, I'd expect one of youse rich fellows to act like that.'

_**His hands are so big…**_

The boy stood up, a tiny smile playing on his lips. He was trying to stay annoyed though. 'Wait a moment here. I'm the mediator; you're the ghost. You're not supposed to _banter_ with me.'

'Supposed to? So you're giving me rules now? Hmph! Get used to it, because I've been here since 1933 and I ain't going nowhere!'

The boy looked maddened.

_**He's even better looking when he's all flustered…**_

I felt it – all of it. The happy, lovey-dovey feelings bubbling up from her over this guy…

They continued to argue…well, banter really, trying to one-up each other and get the last word in. They were still bickering cheerfully when a flash of white burnt my eyes and I found myself inside another memory…

My back was against a small mattress. I felt warm lips pressing against mine and a hard body on top of me. Gentle, exploratory hands glided down my sides and slid to the front of my dress. Fingers ran slowly over my chest. A shared gasp of mine and Lily's escaped our mouth as well as a groan of appreciation.

'That feels wonderful…' she whispered.

Encouraged by this revelation, the boy – the same boy who had been studying before while he was listening to the radio – smiled down at me secretively. He continued to run his hands back and forth, and my head rolled back. His lips came to my neck, and I felt his hot, quick breath against my skin.

'Lily…' he said her name with such reverence and love, over and over again as if it were a prayer.

'Hmmm…' was all she could whisper back as her hands dove under his white button down shirt that had already been un-tucked. Underneath was a fine chest that ached to be scraped over with my fingernails, and they were. The boy groaned happily at that.

_**He feels so good… I want him... **_

Those thoughts and this scene were not new to me. I knew these overwhelming feelings, the overwhelming want for him to plunge into me, to lose myself in him.

I felt them every day that Jesse was around.

And Lily had felt them too. Just as strong, just as intense, and just as addictive.

My fingers went quickly up to the black tie around his neck and tugged at it quickly, tossing it aside when it was done with. My fingers raced down to the buttons on his shirt desperate to relieve him of it.

When it was gone he left my side. I looked up, confused. 'What…?' Lily asked, scared this would end.

_**He doesn't want to… but –**_

Small panic gripped her.

'One moment, I just want to… Music, we need music,' he said, trying to assure her that he was not leaving her. He fumbled quickly through some records on the floor until he found just the right one. Carefully he slipped it out of the sleave and placed it on the turntable. He lifted the needle and laid it on the groove.

"_Shoo bop shoo bop…"_

It was the same song that had played on the radio. The Flamingos song, "I Only Have Eyes For You." I felt a sly smile on my lips creep up. Lily recognized the song. It had meaning for her.

The boy came back to the bed and sat beside her, their lips only breaths apart from each others.

_**He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.**_

It echoed through her head, as elation and ecstasy coursed through her seemingly alive blood. His fingers rested on my thighs, causing a sharp intake of breath. His fingers played with the hem of the dress.

He wanted the dress off. Lily knew that too.

'But what about…?' she breathed.

The boy looked decisive. 'I don't care about it anymore. All I care about is you."

Anxiety swept over Lily. **_Why…?_**

'But being a priest is something you've always wanted. You can't break…'

'I'm not breaking anything, Lily. I haven't made any vows, taken any orders.' His hands slid up to her face and cupped it. His deep blue eyes bore into mine. 'I love you.'

I hadn't seen such love in a guy's eyes since…

Since, well, you know who looked at me.

Lily bit her lip and brought her gaze up to the boy's. And she fell into it; she lost herself completely in his eyes. The apprehension was gone. All that was left was her love for him, her desire to be with him.

'Make love to me…' She whispered so low I wasn't sure he heard her. But if his hands on the hem of her dress yanking it up were any indication, I'd say he did.

Clothes on both parties were soon a thing of the past. His bare body was warm as he buried his head in the crook of my neck, tracing a line of kisses down my throat.

**_This… feels… so… good…_**

Lily and I gasped loudly. It felt so strange… it was like we were one person. I could feel everything that she could – we shared all of her senses, from the touch of the boys skin to the sound of his heart, stammering with life, to the taste of his lips…

'You taste like strawberries…' he moaned.

She grabbed his head and dragged it back to her lips where she kissed the daylights out of him. I didn't know Lily had this in her to be honest. And with this kiss her legs wrapped around his waist and she pressed herself close to his.

I could feel it, they were seconds from… ya know-ing.

Um. Oh yeah. It was about _then _when I realised that no, this guy wasn't just a hot random from Lily's past. I should have know. It had been laid out so clearly for me, but here I was too preoccupied with the thoughts and feelings of Lily Winters to have picked up on who she was about to make it with.

'Dominic…' she breathed sharply.

D – ?

…Domin –

Wait. _That_ Dominic –

OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD.

Please flash. _Please flash!_ Oh my God. PLEASE FLASH RIGHT NOW!

I must have willed it so, THANKFULLY right before they… ya know. I really did not want to be present when they… ya know-ed. Because, oh, I don't know, that would have meant that I would have EFFECTIVELY SLEPT WITH MY PRINCIPAL.

_And_ –

Oh my GOD. I'd just seen FATHER DOM _NAKED_.

Okay, granted he was about nineteen and way hot. But _still!_

FATHER FRIGGIN' DOMINIC.

I decided not to dwell on it, even though at the moment I was still in Lily's memory of post-coital bliss.

Fath – I mean "_Dominic_" was fast asleep curled up against my – I mean _LILY'S_… God, I didn't want to dwell on this – back, holding me – LILY – close against him. His arm was draped around my – LILY'S– waist and _is there any part of my poor brain that is unscarred after this???_

Suddenly, it dawned on me…

Father Dom was SUCH a hypocrite! He was always going, "No Susie, sex with Jessie is naughty," but here he was DOING _HIS _GHOST GIRL!

…At _PRIEST SCHOOL!_ Of ALL places!

How _dare_ he criticise _me_ and tell me not to??!

Unfortunately, I had to put my fuming on hold, because I heard Lily's internal monologue jump into my head and block out all of my own thoughts.

She was anxious now – I could feel that. I guess the reality of what was going on had finally entered her brain. The other world she had crawled into with Dom had ceased to exist. The euphoria was over.

Reality in her mind was starting to set in.

_**Oh no, what have I done… Lily Winters! You should have known better! He wanted to be a PRIEST! You…you just…with a man who wanted to be a priest! My goodness, what am I doing to him? God, I love him, I do, but…my love for him is destroying his life! I'd always hold him back. What kind of life can a dead woman like me give him? I can't…I can't stay… I need to move on. I just… I don't know how – **_

_**But how could I possibly? Just knowing how much he loves me in return would keep me here…oh God, I can't stay, but I can't do this on my own… Damn you to hell Lily Winters, you've REALLY done it now!**_

I slid effortlessly out of bed, careful not to wake up what was eventually to be my future priest, principal and mentor. My shaking hands picked up the dress that had been discarded earlier, and I felt the first prickling of tears formed at the back of my throat. As soon as I was dressed, I dissolved into a bright shimmer of dematerialisation.

Oh God…where was Lily going?

Then, the scene flashed for the final time and I found myself sobbing in a place that I definitely didn't recognise. It was a small but well-lit house, and from the looks of things, I wasn't in California anymore because there was no sound of the constant ocean, and the lighting outside was completely different. In the corner, I could see a man sitting down with his back to me.

'Hello, ghost,' said the man without even looking.

Immediately, my gaze dropped as if I knew I was intruding on someone who was superior to me.

**_He sensed me…_**Lily thought fearfully in my mind.

I swallowed, suddenly nervous.

'They told me not to come to you,' I began, her voice trembling. 'But…I need something from you.'

'They have their reasons for not coming to me,' he explained in a low, amused voice. 'They know better.'

I retreated a tiny step. 'I don't care…'

He laughed softly, sounding a little irritated all the same. 'Idiot.'

If Lily's heart could beat, I imagined that it'd be pounding harder than ever at that moment. He sounded so…uninterested. And his voice… everything about him just…

But that wasn't possible.

I didn't say a word. He hadn't told me whether or not he'd even hear me out yet.

'Fine,' he muttered, sounding bored still. 'What do you want, ghost?'

My voice was shaking even more than before, now. 'I – I… I want – no, I n-_need_ you to…to exorcise me.'

The man's head straightened at these words, but still he didn't not turn around. Lily's request had definitely intrigued him. 'Hmm… can't say I've heard that before. Usually they beg me to restore them to life, even for just one day… or to tell their little brother something important – a matter of life or death, as always… and yet you want me to get rid of you completely?'

_**Do it for him, Lily. He won't learn to live if you stay here...**_

'Yes,' I said as definitely as I could manage. 'If I stay, then I'll just be ruining someone else's life, and I can't bear to do that to him – '

'I don't believe I asked for an explanation,' he interrupted. I broke off quickly. There was a gentle thud as he placed a book he'd been reading on the table before him. 'All right. Although… my condition, ghost, is that I can exorcise you any way I please. I've been meaning to try a new method for a while now, and even though I could have easily called a soul to me to practice on…you walked in here so willingly.'

_**This is going to hurt... and he's practically laughing at the thought.**_

My throat went completely dry. 'I – '

But he gave me no time to reconsider. He was on his feet now. Fearful of not being prepared for whatever he was going to do, I glanced up –

_And Paul Slater's eyes smirked back at me._

Trapped in Lily's mind, I screamed…

'And now you'll understand why they told you never to come to Oliver Slaski with your pathetic little problems,' he sneered, raising his hands to strike –

**-F&I-**

'No!' I dodged the attack, sprawling across the ground. However, there was none of the anticipated pain.

I blinked quickly and my eyes darted around. I was back in my room and back in my own body – I knew this because Lily had also crashed to the ground just opposite me, and was panting heavily.

'W-what – ' she attempted, but she looked too shocked.

I got to my feet and helped her up, pausing for a moment to make sure no one in the house had been disturbed by my scream. They hadn't, I guess. God, my family can sleep through a Metallica concert, I swear.

'Are you okay?' I wanted to know. I'd probably shoved her away when I'd finished my mind invasion. She wouldn't have known what the hell had happened to me – I'd just collapsed. 'I'm sorry, I don't know what just happened exactly…that's never – '

That's when I noticed her distinct blush, as if she had something to be embarrassed for.

'I can't believe you saw all that,' she mumbled.

I stared freakishly. 'Hang on – you _know_ what I saw? You...saw what I did?'

As if just processing this fact, her mouth suddenly fell open. 'I...I remember now...'

Whoa.

'You – you know who Lily is now? And Dom – ?'

Suddenly, she was shaking with what looked like excitement and fear. 'Oh goodness...' she whispered in some awe, staring at her hands with new eyes. 'I...I'm...I'm back...'

Her form did the strangest thing, then. It flickered erratically between two appearances – the woman with the blond curls and the old blue dress – to a taller, attractive lady with long, frizzy red hair. Then, the red-headed woman slowly glittered white and erupted in a hazy mist, leaving only Lily. I wasn't sure what had just happened...but it appeared that the Alice Warren half of Lily was now dormant.

'Lily?' I asked tentatively. 'Is that all you now?'

She regarded me, one hand pressed against her chest. 'Yes... I can remember it all now... You – you did something. You made it all come back... but how? Oh, Suze, you are indeed a powerful one to have done that – '

'Wh – no,' I shook my head. 'That was a complete accident. I didn't mean to do it.'

'But you did,' she insisted, 'And you _could_. Your power...it's growing, and you don't yet realise it.' She paused, and touched her forehead delicately as if her head ached. 'I don't know how I know this...'

Trying to steer Lily away from the topic of me getting more evil shifter powers – a thought which frightened me more than I realised it would – I spluttered quickly, 'You remember everything about that guy then? Dominic?'

Slowly, she nodded. 'You know what I did,' she moaned in misery. 'I swear, Suze, I didn't want to, but he was going to live a dead life with me by his side – I just couldn't do that to him... but it wouldn't matter to you, surely. You can't know him, he was before your time.'

Oh. Wow. Awkward.

Another mental image of naked-adolescent-Father-D flashed scarily in my mind and I shuddered.

Yuck.

_'Anyway_,' I pressed forward valiantly, 'If you really do remember everything, I need to know. That man you went to – the one who you asked to exorcise you – '

Her face fell in deepest shame.

' – Was his name really _Oliver Slaski_?'

Lily shrugged. 'I think so. He didn't do a good job of sending me away if he only expected to bring me back. I'm not sure why you call him Paul now, though. And I can't imagine how he managed to stay so young...'

...I'd just stumbled over a shitload of a secret.

This meant that, in Lily's past, she'd actually crossed paths with Paul Slater's grandfather while he was experimenting with the dark side of shifting. Oh my God. Everything just...clicked. It was like we were all connected: me, Jesse... Paul – his grandfather, Dr. Slaski – Father Dom and Lily...

We were like a cycle that kept happening...

_This was huge._

I fell back onto my bed, suddenly light headed.

'I can't believe this...' I murmured under my breath.

Things started bubbling in my mind hotly, like a brewing, steaming spitting cauldron of whirling information. I stood up again in an almost feral manner.

What did it all mean? Were we all linked like this for a reason? Or was it coincidence that Paul had brought Lily back – the _one_ person who could have connected this all for me?

And what did she even mean, that my powers were growing? How had I not realised? Was that why my emotions had been so quick to strike lately? – Paul aside, I mean...

The scorching liquid inside my mind made thinking hurt. I couldn't try and figure this all out in my head... I had to tell someone. I had to ask my questions and demand answers. Dr. Slaski probably would have told me if I forced it out of him...but he was out of my reach – for wherever he was, Paul was.

And I needed to know this all NOW.

Moments before I imploded, I snatched up my cordless phone and frantically hit a number on my speed dial. It was seven long rings before someone else picked up.

'H-hello...?' Father Dominic, appropriately aged now, croaked. I'd obviously woken him up, since it was almost 2AM after all of that mind invading...

My mind was suddenly blank. How could I have relayed any of those random strings of thoughts to him over the phone like that?

Instead, I allowed the first scrap of indignation that crossed my mind to spill from my lips.

'..._You_ had SEX with your DEAD _GIRLFRIEND_ AND YOU YELLED AT _ME_ ABOUT JESSE?!'

A graceless silence answered this.

'S-Susannah...' he gasped in horror, after a very long time. 'What – how d – '

'I didn't mean to say that,' I replied hastily, shaking my head and kicking the bed post in agitation. 'I meant – I need to see you. Like, NOW.'

He still hadn't recovered from my sudden knowledge of where he was stickin' it.

'No – wait, go back to that... why on earth did you say such a thing – it's... preposterous, of course – '

'Listen,' I ranted, 'I REALLY gotta see you right now. I think I'm onto something real big.'

Suddenly, a terrified voice from behind me put two and two together.

'AH!' Lily squealed in abject dismay. 'Suze! Is that – oh my goodness, he's alive... you _KNOW HIM?_'

'Who was that?' Father Dominic demanded of the mysterious voice in the background. 'Susannah? What's going on? I heard someone. Who's there?'

I took a huge breath.

'Uh…Father Dom… that was Lily.'

I heard the phone crash to the floor. From a distance, I could hear the sound of keys jangling frantically, a priest swearing loudly, and then finally, a door slamming.

**-F&I-**


	16. In the Dark

Despite the fact that it was at least a seven minute drive from my house to the Mission, I wasn't shocked when I saw Father Dominic's beaten up old car come to a screeching halt outside my house, without a care for the restless sleeping habits of anyone in Pinecrest. I watched from my doorway with a pounding heart as his figure spilled out the car, catapulting towards me with a reckless speed that no force on this earth could possibly stop. I gripped the frame hard, feeling the cold night air stinging my throat as I breathed.

'Father Dom – ' I began, about to say something approaching a greeting, but the man in front of me was in no condition for pleasantries. In fact, the man in front of me in no way resembled any mood I'd ever seen Father Dominic in before in my life. No longer was he cool, calm and serene. The responsible glint in his eye was gone. Instead, he'd descended into a wild urgency. His tired hands were shaking in obvious terror, and his eyes had never been wider or more awake.

This had more than an unnerving effect on me. Immediately, my sense of stability vanished as I witnessed my beacon of support transform into a desperate man, showing weaknesses that I didn't even consider someone of his constant righteousness could have. As he came to stand in front of me, he could barely form the words that came stuttering out of his mouth.

'Where is she?' he gasped, panting from the sprint between his car and me. It wouldn't have tired me out, but his state of mind combined with his mature age definitely rendered him exhausted. His urgency panicked me.

'Stop for a second – ' I placed my hands on his shoulders, hoping to explain to him briefly how she'd gotten here before they reunited, but as I said before, no force – not even me – could stand in his way of seeing the woman he'd lost so many years ago.

'Susannah.' His voice had never bitten me like that. 'Now is _not _the time – please, just tell me where she is!'

I gripped his arms harder as he tried to push past me. 'Just – stop!'

It didn't stop him. With just enough force to shove me away without hurting me, he moved me out of his way and blurred up my staircase, moving at a speed at which I'd never seen someone of his age travel. His energy was born of his urgency, and as he'd dashed past me, I could almost smell the emotions that were pouring off of him in potent waves. They washed over me, leaving me weak and shaken as I followed him up to my room as silently as I could.

He'd guessed right. He was standing in my doorway when I got up to the second floor landing, staring into my room with a look of bewilderment upon his face. His tall figure, one that had held so much authority before today, seemed smaller and less powerful.

This was his weakness – the one way to knock him down.

With this in mind, Paul's means of vengeance had been excellent.

I came to stand beside Father Dominic, staring at his eyes. 'My God,' he whispered. 'This isn't real.'

Slowly, he stepped into my room, his gaze fixed on a point which I couldn't yet see – although it wasn't hard to guess what it could have been. As soon as he'd granted enough room, I followed in behind him, anxious to keep whatever was about to ensue to a minimal volume, as my family were sure to wake up. My eyes then slid to the girl standing on the other side of my room, frozen in shock that had never been more absolute. Her mouth was open, and I saw her chest heave as she inhaled a shuddering, dead breath.

'…Dominic…'

I wouldn't have heard her, had I not been straining my ears until they almost bled.

The pair kept their distance, soaking in the concepts of each other. I couldn't begin to imagine who was more disorientated by the presence of the other. Both were still, shaky and awestruck as they continued to gape in what could have easily been astonishment, horror, misery or joy – or all of the above.

I could hear the ticking of my clock, but I was positive that neither of them could. Time, abstract as it was, had no meaning anymore. It had existed only in the moments that they had been apart, and now they were here, now, it was gone, leaving pain in its wake.

If I'd expected the barely-twenty-year-old dead woman and the nearing-seventy old priest to run and seize each other in a passionate embrace, gazing into each others' eyes as they searched for all their lost years, I was disappointed. In fact, their distance was almost disturbing.

After too many eternities of silence, Father Dom finally spoke in a voice so shaky and weak that I shivered. '…How – how are you here…?'

Lily Winters hadn't yet recovered from her shock, so I quickly chimed in. The moment my voice sounded though, I regretted talking. It sounded too modern, too shrill, breaking a moment that hadn't had anything to do with me.

'Paul brought her back,' I rushed my explanation before Father Dominic could panic at the words, 'but don't worry, she's _fine. _He didn't do anything to her. He – he _meant_ to, but he didn't get a chance. All that matters is that she's here.'

I guess I expected a reply. A word of amazement, a gasp of horror – anything. But he was just so…_still_.

'…Right?' I added unsurely, wondering suddenly if I was looking at this all the wrong way.

What if…Father Dominic didn't _want_ Lily to be here right now? What if her presence had allowed things to resurface; things that were supposed to have stayed buried forever? What if they were simply too painful to deal with, and he'd have preferred not seeing her again rather than facing up to this moment?

I mean, when I remembered, Lily had seriously left him – right after the culmination of their love for each other. She'd slept with him and then she'd disappeared, just like that. No warning. No indication of what had happened to her. Maybe Father Dominic, in between wondering whether she'd been exorcised, had sensed that part of her vanishing act had been intentional…

If so, then that explained his horrified, silent coldness.

'Dominic,' Lily's voice was thin. 'Oh, how I've missed you…'

She took a step towards him, but stopped abruptly when she noticed how he'd edged back slightly. It was only the tiniest fraction of an inch, but it definitely got the message across – he wanted an explanation before he was ready to open his heart again.

If this were a movie or some sort of melodramatic soap, she would have rushed into his open arms or some equally bullshit-y-ness like that.

But they didn't; I sort of expected that. Though, I'll admit it; on some level I did hope to see the soap opera reunion. It'd be damn less awkward than this.

Lily's face fell. She knew good and well that her cards would all have to be laid out.

…This was not how I'd pictured this reunion at all.

As if answering the obvious, unspoken question, Lily plunged into an emotional ramble. 'Dominic, I _swear_, I didn't want to leave… but I couldn't stay. We both knew it. I couldn't do that to you… making you live a dead life while you were burdened with me. I loved you – God, I loved you more than…than _anything_, but I was just so scared that we wouldn't have survived, and then everything you'd sacrificed in order to be with a ghost would have been for nothing. I…I didn't want to be a regret. I didn't want you to have held yourself back and become what I was: effectively dead. I'm just so sorry… I should have told you, but I knew you wouldn't have let me go, and you would have tried to get me back…' the tears unexpectedly erupted from her eyes at this point, and she turned, her shoulders shaking with her sobs. 'Can you ever forgive me for what I've done to you…?'

Dominic's lip curled absently; his brows furrowed and his eyes widened as confirmation reached him. Yes. Lily _had_ left of her own free will.

'You…didn't say anything,' he breathed.

'Dominic,' she cried, 'I wanted to – '

'Not a word…'

'I couldn't!'

'We'd just made love,' he went on, his head beginning to shake from side to side in disbelief. 'Your timing really was _impeccable_, Lily.'

Pain screamed through the room with a deafening silence that made my head yearn to implode. They'd both forgotten that I was even there, obviously. Lily was crying freely now, covering her face with her hands in shame. Dominic's gaze finally fell from her and he turned to the side, staring into oblivion with a look of wide-eyed dismay.

'For so long, I didn't know what had happened… I didn't believe that you'd moved on… I started to wonder if someone had gotten to you. There'd…there'd been a rogue shifter back then, but rumour had it that he'd left several years before we'd met, but I was so scared that maybe he'd found you, and that somehow he'd…done something to you – '

He looked back at her quickly, hoping that she'd validate this theory, that she had indeed been the helpless victim of an out-of-control shifter. However, the look of sudden incontrovertible guilt that crossed her face offered no comfort.

I shrank back into the shadows of my room, feeling out of place in my own skin like I didn't belong here, and never would. I longed to help Lily explain to Father Dominic why she'd done what she had. Her crying echoed in my mind with haunting clarity, and it terrified me to think that such a situation could ever possibly eventuated between Jesse and I. If Jesse had ever left "for my own good", would I have acted like this? I couldn't have beared reducing Jesse to the sorrowful wreck that was Lily, now.

'Wait,' Dominic's eyes narrowed slightly. 'What? You just reacted, like – like you knew who I was talking about. Damn it, Lily, _what happened_? Why –'

'I ASKED him to do it, all right?!' she screamed, stamping her foot. The panes of glass on my window shuddered dangerously as purely astral emotions pumped furiously inside my room. 'I didn't have a CHANCE of moving on naturally! I couldn't stay, but I couldn't will myself to leave on my own! I guessed that if I got someone else to do it, then… then I could finally guarantee that you'd be safe from me…'

Father Dom looked as if she'd kicked him in the gut. He wheezed, his hand slapping his mouth as he sagged against the wall. 'You…you got someone to help you effectively _kill yourself_?' he asked, allowing the hurt to contaminate his words, '…Rather than stay with me?'

'You're not _listening_ to me!' Lily shouted. 'I wanted to! But I couldn't – '

'I loved you so much, Lily,' Dominic lamented. 'I kept telling you that we would have made it work. We would have found a way to get by – '

'_Get by_?!' Lily screeched. 'You think I wanted us to just _get by_? What about happiness? Why couldn't we have had that, rather than just resorting to _getting by_ – '

'So your solution was to get yourself blown up instead of TRY?' Dominic yelled. 'We – '

At this point, I sounded a panicked, '_Shhhhh_! _Please_, my family's asleep!'

Immediately, both parties retreated and ceased their heated argument. Father Dominic's indignation deflated and he returned to his state of misery, and Lily sighed, shaking her head, suddenly physically unable to speak through her sobbing.

My priest was stubbornly avoiding my eye, only just aware that I'd heard all of that. 'I'm…I'm sorry Susannah,' he muttered quickly. 'You shouldn't have – I didn't mean to…'

He trailed off, lost and defeated.

Lily was hugging her arms to herself as if a chill had entered her that she couldn't shake. Silence ensued with a vengeance once again. I couldn't think of anything to say to break it, and I wasn't sure I had the courage to.

Finally, Lily managed to breathe normally. My heart wept for her, and how hurt she was.

'Dominic, I'm _sorry_,' she whispered. 'I should have…tried…'

He shrugged pseudo-apathetically. 'It doesn't matter,' he replied. 'I'm an old man now, Lily. We missed our chance. I guess I'm inclined to agree with you on that part – in regard to my constant aging and your immortal youth and beauty.' He laughed bitterly. 'So I suppose it was for the best, leaving me to my half-life while I mourned the memory of you… I just wish you could have believed that our love _could_ have survived it.'

Lily sank to her knees, shaking and crying softly.

Just as I was about to round on Father Dominic and rage at him over how callous he was being – seeing as Lily was clearly _just_ as torn-up as he was – I noticed that, despite his attempted look of indifference, a single tear slid from the corner of his eye.

It broke my heart.

I rubbed my temples with both of my fingers, trying to will away the headache that was about to rear painfully. If there was ever a bigger guarantee that Jesse and I weren't going to make it, this was it. This was living proof that ghosts and mediators couldn't fall in love. It always ended badly.

I hated Father Dominic for bringing me such a grave message.

'Look,' I said heavily to Father Dominic. 'I…I need to tell you something important – '

He looked almost eager for the topic change. 'Ah, yes,' he nodded quickly, coming to stand before me, 'You said that you were…"onto something," I believe…?'

His gaze kept flickering forlornly to Lily, who had stopped crying and was now just staring at her glowing hands. Her blond hair curled around her face limply. Never had a seen a girl look so damn breakable. A breath would kill her.

Again.

'Um…well, I'm not so sure now,' I mumbled. My huge theory, which had felt so groundbreaking before, paled in comparison to my new knowledge about the reality of Jesse and I. 'It doesn't seem that important anymore… I just – I was starting to think that maybe… it's stupid.'

'No it's not,' Lily spoke up, her voice stronger now. 'I didn't understand either, but it was a mighty big coincidence, that they're both – '

Determined not to respond to what Lily had said, Father Dom heaved a sigh and said, 'Just tell me, Susannah. If it was enough for you to call at that time of night, then it must have struck you as important.'

I brushed my hair back, my heart weighing heavily in my chest, as if it were a brick in my pocket and the fabric of my pants wasn't enough to support it. 'I thought I'd cracked something. You see… that shifter that exorcised Lily – '

Father Dom made sure his face remained vacant.

' – Well, his name is Oliver Slaski.'

His brow wrinkled. 'I don't understand…'

'He was a whacked out shifter who experimented majorly with the dark stuff. He was really curious about who and what he was, and he ended up with so much power that he thought he was God. He thrived off of hurting ghosts,' I stared at him with a meaningful look.

'Sounds like a certain friend of ours,' he said grimly.

'Funny you should say that, actually, seeing as Oliver Slaski is Paul's grandfather.'

Bombshells. You gotta love 'em.

Father Dominic's body stiffened. '_What?_' he said sharply, his eyes hissing faintly, about to strike blindly.

'Yeah,' I confirmed. 'Like…grandfather, like son. Paul's taking up the family business, only it skipped a generation, from what I can gather, since his father's just a relatively normal, superficial, golf-playing plastic surgeon. And I highly doubt that his little brother Jack is going to go on a ghost-killing spree.'

Father D blinked repeatedly, and I could see the cogs in his mind whirling riotously. 'Susannah, are you _sure?_'

Not keen to say that I'd infiltrated his ex's mind or that I talked to her exorcist on a regular basis, I just responded firmly, 'I'm dead sure.'

'Oh my…'

'And I was thinking,' I went on, 'why are we connected like this? I mean, is it a coincidence that both of the Slaters – or Slaskis…or whatever, both had a pair of star-crossed lovers to mess with? Or that both of them were COMPLETELY off their rockets? I mean, I've heard of genetics for blue eyes running in the family…even the mediator gene, sure. But pure evil? That's new to me. And the mediators they screw with are pretty _opposite_ to them. I mean, I'm no angel, but _you_ pretty much are, and we do what we can to _help_ ghosts! And – ' I was getting pretty agitated now – my hands were clenched, 'it's like…I dunno, history _repeated_ itself or something. Am I crazy for thinking that?'

He stared at me, long and hard, before looking over at Lily, whose eyes were trained on me. He then looked up at my ceiling, trying to consider this bizarre possibility that perhaps him and I were involved in something bigger than what seemed to be.

'For yours and Jesse's sake,' he murmured softly, 'I hope that history isn't repeating itself. You don't deserve to feel like this…'

Freaking out, I stepped back from him. I too looked at the ceiling, thinking, _I hope you caught that all, Jesse. Because we're going to have a discussion next time my dreams permit, about how we're NOT going to end up like they did._

But then, what made me think I was any more deserving of a Happily Ever After than Father Dominic? He was one of the kindest, gentlest and most gracious people I knew, and he'd been sentenced to a life of loneliness because the one and only person he'd fallen for had just happened to be dead. Besides from with the Big Guy, he hadn't had a relationship since then. Lily had been the love of his life, and it was doomed to failure from the very start. So what made me think that Jesse and I would be any different? I mean, we were exactly the same as Dominic and Lily from the past – hopelessly in love, and kidding ourselves into thinking that we could really have some kind of future together…

That STILL didn't give dick-faces like Paul and Dr. Slaski the right to break up what they thought were "inappropriate matches". If they thought they could govern our lives, then they were wrong.

I gazed at the miserable lovers before me. They couldn't even look at each other.

'I don't even know if there's anything worth checking up on, but could you see what you can find out about Oliver Slaski?' I said to Father Dom. He nodded, and then glanced at Lily, as if about to ask something, but then deciding against it.

Instead, he said to Lily, 'I…I think it would be best that we stayed away from each other for a while.'

She didn't reply. Her heart had been stomped on enough this night.

'Well, she can't exactly leave this room,' I grumbled, before adding for impact, 'if she does, Paul will torture her. That was the reason he brought her back, you know. To hurt you.'

It had the desired effect. Father Dominic's eyes looked positively ashamed of himself, and I knew that nothing could have hurt him more deeply than exactly what Paul had intended. His expression was tormented as he left my room with promises to be as quiet as possible.

I heard his car splutter outside before taking off. Once I was sure he was gone, I went and sat beside Lily.

'Lills, I'm _so sorry_,' I moped, rubbing her back gently. She was hugging her knees to her chest, just staring out in front of her life she had nothing, loved nothing, and was nothing.

'I don't know what I expected…' she sighed. Her eyes gently closed, dislodging the tears from the corners of her eyes. They stained her face like scars, '…but it wasn't _that_.'

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me. I remembered, just hours earlier, how the roles had been reversed and she'd been comforting me. It almost soothed me to know that, even though I was stuck in hell, I still had the ability to care for other people. I wasn't shutting myself completely away from others, and at the moment, any emotional connection I had with other people was a blessing, seeing as I was losing so many people already…first mom, then CeeCee, and slowly Adam… and I could only hope that Robbie would forgive me after I got his face rearranged by Paul.

'He still loves you,' I promised her. 'I know he does. He wouldn't have been so sad all the time if he'd gotten over you.'

However, this wasn't as comforting I'd hoped. Hearing that, yeah, her departure had kind of killed her boyfriend, wasn't exactly music to her ears.

'What have I done…' she moaned, hiding her face against my shoulder. 'I can't even say I wished I was dead, because – well, it's really not that great.'

I sighed.

Well, _that_ sure went to shit.

**-F&I-**

I'd had a restless night's sleep after Lily and Father D's reunion and the next day I was feeling pretty out of it. It just…took a lot out of me. I knew that I should have been used to the madness of my life by now, since it seemed that it consisted of one disaster after another, but… I'd had…well, hope.

Hope that maybe, those two would transcend all of this, proving that there was a light at the end of the tunnel that _wasn't_ going to run me over.

I know. Silly of me. Hope is naïve.

I convinced myself to show my face at STAB, choosing to lock myself in the back room, organising books. I was waiting for Robbie to show up so I could apologise for getting his nose smashed in, but he didn't appear. I wasn't sure if it was his mother's doing, or if he was just too scared to be around me. I didn't blame either of them, I guess. I mean, it was safer if people kept their distance. Evil was stalking me at the moment, and Robbie was better off far, far away from me, lest his dormant male honour rear its head again and get himself into a world – and a fist – of trouble.

Me? Melodramatic? Fatalistic?

Nah.

After a long day of sulking around and making lots of piles which I claimed were organised messes, I headed home worse for wear. The STAB renovations were at a standstill, since CeeCee and Adam hadn't shown up and Robbie's painting was on hiatus due to the explosion of his nose yesterday. That scared me. It felt like I couldn't achieve anything anymore…

Miserable, I got out of my car, looking forward to a quiet night in front of the television with a cold soda and a blank mind. It was a great plan – in theory. But like most things in my life, that plan went to shit as soon as I slammed the front door, making my homecoming known.

I entered the kitchen, leaving me keys on the family hook next to the doorway. However, sitting at the table waiting for me was my mother. At first glance, it looked like she was calmly sipping some tea, lost in thought. Upon closer inspection, I saw that the look on her face was definitely _not_ one of serenity.

'Hi,' I said shortly. I debated whether to go over and give her a hug, or a kiss or something, but the thought of it seemed random and inappropriate. Instead, I opted for just touching her shoulder as I walked passed her. She was completely unresponsive, which unnerved me further. She just tensely sipped her tea from her mug.

Her silence continued as I poured myself a cola – RC? I had no idea RC still existed. This is what we get for sending Sleepy to do the grocery shopping. He gets all the weird brands and pockets all the money he saved.)

It wasn't until I was almost gone that she finally spoke up.

'What did I do, Suze?'

Her voice came out crackly. Oh no…

I came back into the kitchen quickly. 'What are you talking about, Mom?'

She gave me a sad, cold look. 'I thought – this is stupid… I thought I was one of the "cool moms," so to speak. I always told you to ask me questions. I told you I'd never judge you. I…I just wanted to be in the loop, to help you out and guide you and give you advice. Correct and _sound_ advice that your girlfriends aren't equipped to give out yet. But still…you didn't talk to me…'

I gawked. 'What are you on about?'

She slammed her mug down on the table furiously. Tea splashed over the side, but she didn't care. If felt like the whole house had shaken. 'About this _Jesse_! I know you slept with him, Susannah! There's no use lying to me about it.'

…WHAT?

'But – '

She cut me off before I had the chance to seriously correct her.

'Don't, Suze. Just don't. I've had enough of your lies lately. Oh, sorry – your "omissions of truth." When did you get so damned secretive? When? Why didn't you think that you couldn't tell me about this…this boy?'

'Mom,' I said gravely, 'Come on. Calm down. Stop jumping to conclusions and think. I've _never_ slept with Jesse, and he's not the monster that you're thinking he is.'

I left out the fact that our lack of sex had been only because, at the make-or-break-moment, Jesse had backed out. That seemed like unnecessary information for my mother.

'Oh, so he _wasn't _in your room at night without my permission?'

I opened and closed my mouth several times, before freezing. How could I explain that? _Well, mom. This was kind of Jesse's room before I showed up, so technically it's his room. Oh yeah, he's dead. Did I "omit that truth?" I can see the dead, mom. Ghosts exist. Merry Christmas, mom. Santa's actually real too._

Right.

God, I hated this. I _hated it_! Because this wasn't lies or deceit. It was just the truth warped to form a new conclusion.

'And you weren't seeing him behind my back?' she demanded stormily, 'Not even having the decency to _tell me_? I'm your mother, Susannah! I have a RIGHT to know who my daughter is dating, and apparently, _sleeping with_!'

'I DIDN'T!' I yelled, but only met her eye roll as she threw her hands up in disgust of me.

'Oh please, Susannah. I'm expected to believe that you snuck him up there, night after night, to play Twister? I know it's heard to believe, but even in the Mesozoic era when I was your age, girls did exactly the same things. I know your tricks.'

'Mom – '

'I don't even _know _you anymore,' she sighed. 'I'm not even mad that you've had sex. It's just…the _lying_ that I can't take, Suze. And not telling me who you're seeing? That's not just misuse of our trust, Susannah, it's dangerous! What if something happened to you because of this boy? He was obviously no good. What if he hurt you? You were going to put me through that? I thought we were closer than that, but I guess – '

'Mom, just – '

'No I will _not _"just",' she scowled. 'You just keep lying! You're off running about with some crooked nobody that I don't even know! Did he at least have a motorcycle, Suze? Because if you're going to throw your life away on some scummy older boy, he'd better have a motorcycle,' she tossed at me sarcastically.

'Oh my GOD, Mom!' I screeched, stamping my foot in frustration. I couldn't just stand there and have my own MOTHER bash Jesse to my face, especially since the source of all of this was someone who had NO RIGHT "informing" my mother. 'You're warping all of this based on something that Paul Slater said! You don't know HIM either, remember? He's – '

I broke off before I said too much.

Mum seized the moment of silence. 'At least he had the decency to tell me the truth! That's more than I could say for my own daughter.'

I looked at her, aghast. 'Unbelievable. You're unfuckingbelievable, Mom.'

'Don't you DATE talk to me like that, young lady!'

I went to walk out, but she stood up to her full height and screamed at me, 'SIT DOWN, SUSANNAH.'

With a moan of despair ready to tip off of my lips, I abided. What choice did I have? I tried desperately to keep the tears in, not wanting her to see my cry. My own mother…God, he'd managed to turn my own mother against me…

She'd just called me a slutty, deceitful disappointment.

We both sat at opposite ends of the kitchen table, squaring each other off as if either one of us was about to attack. Mom's breathing was just as heavy as mine was. She'd just opened her mouth to say something in a deadly calm voice, when Dopey's obnoxious voice came rumbling down the hall. 'Hey, what's all the shouting – '

He stopped when he'd entered the kitchen, seeing the both of us. The atmosphere was so cold that it made ice look like a great source of heat.

'Brad, go to your room, please. This is none of your business,' Mom's voice was hard as nails. I hated him so much, since it was HIM who'd started this whole fiasco by telling my Mom about my alleged nightly visitor.

My gaze flickered up to his, preparing for the look of "nyah nyah nyah," but instead I saw a look that almost resembled…concern, before he promptly left the room.

Concern? From _Dopey? _Surely…surely out of all my family members, it wasn't BRAD that suspected that something wasn't right with Paul Slater. Unfamiliar with this concern, I still allowed myself to be comforted by the fact that _someone _had the slightest inkling that there was something seriously wrong afoot.

My mother wiped her face with her hands and sighed deeply. 'What am I supposed to do with you?' she asked me. 'You really disappointed me, Suze. You really did.'

I got up, chilled to the bone. 'Yeah, well, you wanna know something, Mom? So did you.'

I got up, almost knocking the chair over in my haste to escape that cold, cold kitchen. Mom's hand shot out just before I left. 'Susie…' she murmured softly, but I ripped my arm out of her grip, not meeting her gaze.

'Don't worry, Mom,' I spat angrily. 'I'm headed to my room where all my scummy gang members are eagerly waiting their winnings of our last poker game. I'll give you a hint: I don't owe them money,' I quipped mordantly. 'But at least I told you this time, right? So I guess I'm off to do what I do best – be the whorish daughter you're convinced I am.'

With that, I stormed up to my room.

**-F&I-**

My head was aching severely by the time I was on the second floor landing. After pushing open my door, I suddenly let out a little gasp when I saw a glowing figure sitting on my window seat –

Alas, it was just Lily, staring off into the netherworld. She turned when she'd heard me come in, hurriedly wiping her face to cover up the tears she'd been leaking. Swallowing, she gave me a sympathetic look.

'Suze, are you all right? You look a fright.'

Feeling faint, I slid down onto the window seat beside her and told her in a voice of monotony about the argument I'd just been apart of, how my mother had believed Paul over me and how she'd lost all faith and trust in me.

'Lily, what's happening?' I whispered, exasperated. 'My own mother hates me. She just called me a lying slut… and she believes a smarmy guy she met last _night _over me, for God's sake.' Lily rubbed my shoulder soothingly whilst I fumed. It seemed this was all we ever did – comforted each other in our ever-frequent moments of despair.

'Shhh…' she hushed. 'Don't worry, she'll figure it out eventually. It'll all get better…'

Poor optimistic Lily. You'd think by now that'd she'd get it, that Paul Slater was a conniving, evil demon. Every time I thought I'd defeated him by chopping off his head, he just grew three more –

Speak of the devil – and that I say completely literally – my cell phone beeped to indicate that I'd received a text.

Ten guesses.

It read:

_**Suze –**_

_**Come to the Mission cemetery at midnight. **_

_**I won't disappoint – not that I ever do. Maybe if you ask really nicely, I'll give you a repeat performance from the other night. **_

_**I hope that convinces you to… come.**_

– _**Paul**_

I snapped my phone shut irately, throwing it on my bed with all the force I had. It didn't do much – it just bounced completely undramatically, landing on its side.

How DARE he write something like that? Quickly, I seized it back again and erased the message to stop anyone from seeing it.

I chewed my lip furtively, debating whether or not to go or not. Oh, who am I kidding? I _knew_ I had to. What choice did I have? Paul Slater just proved to me what kind of reach he had in my life. He turned my own mother against me. He'd taken my boyfriend away and had smeared his name.

What wasn't Paul Slater capable of?

**-F&I-**

It was bitterly cold when I finally arrived at the graveyard. Black ink had spilt over the entire world, erasing the moon completely from the night sky. It was damned near impossible to see, especially since my high school wasn't famous for its excessive use of lamp posts. Fog clung determinedly onto my exposed face, making my cheeks sting and my eyes water. I shivered inside my leather jacket, which still smelt faintly of fish ever since the Tad Beaumont incident nearly two years ago.

Nervously, I raised my wrist to my face and pressed the light on my digital watch. The time, 12.13AM, was proclaimed proudly back at me amidst the neon green light. I frowned, glancing around to see whether he'd shown up yet. I wasn't sure if I was nervous or relieved that he was absent.

That was when the beam of a flashlight found my eyes and I recoiled, flinging my hands in front of my face to protect me from the sudden glare. I gingerly lowered one and peered past open fingers to see a circle of light bouncing forward to me. Within moments, Paul's tall figure towered over me. He grinned. 'Repelled by the light, Suze? This is further proof that you belong in the dark with me.'

I angrily took a step back, since he hadn't left much distance. 'Shut up, Paul.'

He raised the flashlight's beam to his face to ensure I saw his expression of feigned offence. 'Well, that's a different tone to the last time you said my name.' When I still stared blankly, he let his eyes fall closed as he tossed his head back, moaning in mockery, 'Oh Paul..._Paul_ - !'

'Don't flatter yourself,' I spat, my cheeks flushing hatefully as shame rained down on my dirty skin. I wanted that memory buried somewhere that was non-accessible. Even with the thought, I squeezed my thighs together in humiliation. "I have never, could never, shalt I ever moan your name."

He snickered, knowing perfectly well that I'd said no such thing. 'I know you wanted to though,' he went on, his smile devilish. 'I felt you, Suze... I tasted you as you - '

Suddenly paranoid that this was one of the conversations that Jesse had managed to tune in on, I snapped, _'Shut up_!'

A winning argument, I know. But thankfully, he dumped the issue.

'Anyhow,' he said conversationally, coming to stand beside me before placing his hand on the small of my back as he guided me across the grass, the beam of light dancing on the ground as we walked, 'you may be wondering why our location has changed from my room.'

The way he said that made me wonder if he planned on...here -

'Unfortunately, we're laying off our usual past time tonight. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you soon enough...'

I shuddered at the thought. Still, a reprieve from letting him do what he wanted with me tonight was definitely not something to be crying about. I refused to let my relief bathe me though, because knowing Paul, whatever else he'd planned was just as bad.

'Okay,' I said aloofly. 'Why a cemetery?'

I heard him laugh under his breath. 'Sets a certain atmosphere, don't you reckon?'

My eyes danced over the dimly emerging outlines of the headstones lining the ground, and I shivered again. Memories from my dream were definitely plaguing my mind with a vengeance. I prayed that I wouldn't come across Jesse's unearthed grave, or the déjà vu would have killed me.

Paul seemed to sense my trepidation, and he lapped it up eagerly as if it supplied him with energy. 'Why so scared, Simon?'

'I'm not,' I protested, although my voice was betraying me. 'Why so psychotic, Paul?'

He seemed inappropriately pleased at my calling him psychotic. Rather than answering my very valid question regarding his deteriorating mental state, he suddenly stopped and sank to his knees before a headstone, laying his flashlight on the grass. I hadn't noticed before due to the nearly impenetrable darkness, but he'd been carrying a large backpack, which he now set down and rifled through. His hand resurfaced and with it brought a small black box. My heart skipped a beat as I wildly wondered if he actually had a ring in that, and was going to propose.

Don't laugh. Paul was just insane enough to have believed that I'd accept.

As he snapped it open, I released a sigh. No ring. Instead, a small crimson marble-sized ball sat on a tiny cushion that looked yellow with age. Paul plucked the marbly orb from the box, whilst grabbing something else from the bag and slipping it into his pocket.

I knew that he wanted me to ask so he could have the satisfaction of slapping me with his knowledge, but I really did need to know. '...What are you doing?' I asked unsurely.

He chuckled softly. 'It's very cool, actually. Took me ages to come across the materials I needed in order to go through with it, but I've finally got everything I need. Well, not everything, but hopefully after all of this, I'll finally have the thing I want the most.' He flashed me a meaningful look, and I glared at him. Chills started trickling across my skin as I dared to imagine what he could have possibly been doing. And what had he slipped in his pocket before?

Paul stood up again and came to stand in front of me. What he said terrified me, confirming my dreadful feelings of déjà vu...

'I get it now,' he said, his fingers cupping the side of my face. 'What I have to do. It's so simple - I can't believe I didn't think of it before.'

I swallowed, hard. That had been _exactly what he'd said in my dream_. Frantically, my eyes darted around to check once again that there were no open graves to be shoved into. Oh my God... my heart was fit to explode from its furious pounding.

However, rather than pitching me into a hole in the ground, he instead raised his hand between our faces, drawing my attention to the little red marble in his hand.

I just stared at it, confused. I got the impression that he liked making me feel that way. Confused, I mean. Confused and scared of what he was going to do. He was unpredictable like that, and since I knew nothing about the endless expanse that shifting offered, I was _really _left in the dark.

'This,' he explained, 'is a ghost summoner. What you don't realise is, when shifters call ghosts to them, it actually uses a lot of energy. So to power up one of these babies requires a lot of shifter-juice, from which it'd take a couple of weeks to recover, I've read. And since I'm not a big fan of debilitating _myself_, I thought I'd…well…'

'…What?'

His other hand found my fingers, which he entwined his own with.

'Use you,' he hissed smugly.

Suddenly, his grip on my hand went claw-like and I gasped as a rock-hard quality descended over my body, causing my muscles to seize up as if some corrosive liquid had invaded my body and was eating me away from the inside. I started yelling, trying desperately to tear my hand from his – 'LET _GO!'_ – but that only made his other hand clench around the red marble as he swung his free arm around my waist, gripping me against him to make me stop struggling. The pain lasted forever. Any flicker of power that I'd felt within me before this time was just…gone. He'd sucked me dry.

Once he detected that I had nothing more to give, he let me crumble down on the grass. He'd stolen my _air_ even – I felt winded and very faint.

When I looked up to see if he was freakin' satisfied, I found a very disturbed expression glaring back at me.

'…Whoa,' Paul muttered, taken aback. 'That…was unexpected.'

He shuddered, the ghost of a grin playing across his twisted mouth. 'What a rush… I didn't think you had that much...' He trailed off again, allowing himself to drift into the reverie that was engulfing him. He closed his pale eyes with a smirk, before finally taking in a huge gulp of air and releasing it, composing himself.

'So sorry,' he said quickly, looking deeply indulgent. 'How unprofessional of me. Anyway, where was I…? Oh yeah.'

He then somehow allowed a bright white light to transfer from the hand that had imprisoned mine to the red marble in his other. At first, I couldn't understand why his power wasn't red and corrupted like it usually was when I remembered, _duh Suze, it's mine._

He sank down on his knees in front of me, his cold eyes trained on the mystical object. Suddenly, the marble lit up as if it were battery operated. It gently began to hover over the palm of his hand, making a low murmuring sound.

'What are you doing?' I demanded again, unable to tear my eyes away from it. Was he...hypnotising me or something?

'Wait...' he insisted, his voice so low that it made my hairs stand on end. 'Almost...there...'

And with a whip crack of noise, a ghost suddenly appeared next to the both of us.

Jolted, I scrambled back. The ghost was a man of about thirty, with absurd amounts of facial hair. He looked kind of hobo-ish and had a mean glint in his eyes. 'Huh?' he grunted. 'Why am I...I heard it, and I couldn't not come -'

I saw that Paul's nose was wrinkled. He returned to his full height, looking disdainful. 'Clearly, this thing doesn't filter out the trash,' he said to no one in particular. The man gruffly looked between Paul and me, mystified.

'Sorry, but you don't exactly fit my criteria,' Paul explained to the ghost. 'So in my efforts to not accidentally come across you again in my search, I think a one way trip to the Shadowland Resort is in order.'

'What?' I gasped. 'No! Paul - '

But in the blink of an eye, the man burst into flames and disappeared to the sound of his own screaming.

Speaking of flames, I suddenly felt a sharp sear of heat inside me which seemed to catch fire and spread throughout my body, rekindling the energy that had been stolen. Adrenaline suddenly surged throughout my body, causing me to jump up in anger.

Furious, I shoved Paul, hard – so hard that a spit of white light electrified him momentarily, making him gasp from the shock. 'What the HELL?! You didn't even know him! Why the hell did you exorcise him like that?'

He blinked for a second. 'Hang on… why are you so energetic? I thought that you'd be…'

I smacked him one. 'Forget that! What on earth are you playing at?'

Once over his confusion as to why I'd suddenly gotten my powers back, he seemed both pleased and annoyed at my reaction to his ghost-annihilation, as if it amused him, but also as if he expected me to be more desensitised to his behaviour by now.

'Glad you asked, Suze. You see, I've got a bit of a problem and I'm trying to… phone a friend, one might say. The only glitch is, this guy's phone number is really complicated. In order to get in touch with him, he requires a very specific chain of events. So I'm just here, collecting what I need in order to drop him a line.'

'Could you stop looking so cheerful?' I snapped. 'I'm serious. What's going on? Why are you out here, summoning random ghosts?'

'But that would be telling,' he grinned wickedly. 'Now shush, Suzie Q. I can hear another one coming...'

With another whip crack, a second ghost fell to the ground beside us. Disorientated, she crawled to her feet, her eyes flitting around in fear. 'Where am I...?' she whimpered. By the looks of it, she was about forty-something. I saw a ring on her finger. Oh no... She'd been married. And Paul was about to make mince meat of her.

Just as I was about to launch into Defender of the Innocent mode, Paul nodded in his head in approval, and didn't blow her up. 'Much better. I hoped that I wasn't going to be dumped with another low life that would have been useless to my cause...'

The woman looked very confused. 'I don't understand...I only came because I heard the call, and I couldn't ignore it - '

'Tell me, ghost,' Paul interrupted, 'Do you consider yourself to be a good person? Do you help frail old ladies cross the busy street? Give to charity, or...campaign to keep the old growth forests or whatever?'

She blinked, as if not processing the question. Too confused to help, I could only watch.

'...I...uh...yes, I'm not a _bad_ person,' she muttered awkwardly, 'But I don't know what that - '

Paul shrugged nonchalantly. 'Eh. Good enough for me.' He took a few steps toward her, placing a hand on her shoulder. 'Yeah, you'll do just fine...' He tossed a look back over his shoulder to me, and grinned manically, before turning back to the woman. 'It must be terrible, being dead... but just close your eyes. Don't worry, this'll all just seem like one big nightmare when you wake up and you're alive again...'

The ghost's eyes flickered closed obediently as if Paul really _had_ hypnotised her. 'When I'm alive again...' she echoed with a slur.

That's when I saw Paul's hand slide into his pocket, retrieving something I couldn't identify. Only when the blade caught the reflection of the flashlight did I realise its nature.

'MOVE!' I screamed at the woman suddenly. Her eyes snapped back open, just as his arm arched back to plunge the black jewel encrusted knife into her stomach -

But I shoved Paul to the ground before he managed to gut her. The ghost shrieked and stumbled back, but Paul shot out a hand and said an incantation that rendered her immobile, just as he'd done to me the night this had all begun. She froze rock solid on the spot.

'What are you DOING?' I freaked out at him, turning him from his side so I had free access to pound on his face. 'For Christ's sake, just leave them alone! You're already making MY life hell - isn't that enough?'

Dirty, Paul swung his arm to the side of my head and flung me off of him. My vision flashed a bright white as I crumpled onto the grass, groaning. When I could finally see again, I watched him seize his knife again, march back over to the ghost, and he then followed through his initial actions by stabbing her once violently.

Her eyes widened in orbs of agony, before her misty form began disintegrating as if she had been created by millions of white fireflies. Her face became grotesque as she disassembled completely, and the swarm of fireflies were sucked into the blood tipped point of the cursed knife. Paul then pulled out a tiny white tinted bottle from his pocket, uncorked it and released the contents of the knife into it. The bottle glowed bright white with the woman's essence.

'One down, six to go,' he said with satisfaction.

Appalled, I just stared at him. Whenever I considered the fact that some part of him might have been just a little bit human, he always proved me wrong. No, he didn't _just_ prove me wrong; he let the blood and pain of _others_ prove it for me.

These shifting powers were a dangerous drug, to which he was hopelessly addicted...

'If you think I'm letting you trap any more ghosts, you are _so_ a resident of Screw-ville,' I shouted. However, before I could launch at him with a physical attack, another spurt of white light hit him dead in the chest, blasting him into a gravestone which cracked on impact. Agape, I stepped back, suddenly afraid of what I could do. I'd never been able to flippantly use my powers like this. And I know that attacking Paul completely redefined "Using Your Powers For Good," but what if I lost it with someone who's soul _wasn't _black?

Paul's limp form was twisted at a horrible angle on the grass. For a split second, I wondered if I'd killed him. You'd think that the thought would have pleased me; that killing Paul would have solved all my problems, right? But the possibility that I'd become a murderer made me want to vomit.

So when I heard a furious grunt of pain, I was almost thankful.

I hid my hands behind my back as if they were dangerous weapons that needed to stay out of sight. With a groan, Paul staggered to his feet, wiping a long trail of blood from his forehead. My eyes, having reached their maximum wideness, chose to bug instead to show their horror. Paul's lip curled as his bewildered gaze fell on me.

'Okay, what's going on?' he snarled. 'When I used your powers before, they weren't supposed to come straight back. Power needs to build up from the astral plane after we exert ourselves like that, but…how the _hell _did you recover that fast? What are you doing?'

'I don't know – '

'You had to have done SOMETHING!' he exploded.

That's when I realised why he was so pissed.

He was _jealous_.

Oh…wow.

'So…you're saying that you can't automatically regain your power back when you use it, but…I can?' My voice became strong, superior and taunting. 'Because one could only conclude that…well… I'm more _powerful_ than y – '

But I didn't get the sentence out, because his fist suddenly made war, not love with my head. I spun backward from the violent impact, sprawling on the grass.

He was on top of me, his hair in his eyes and his face angrier than any wrath I'd known. 'You'd _like_ that, wouldn't you?' he spat. 'To think that after all this time of you losing to me, you'd _finally _found something that makes you think you've got one up on me?' I thrashed beneath him, but he held me down with my wrists above my head. My heartbeat increased exponentially until it seemed as if it were just a hum instead of individual beats. 'Paul – '

'_Beg_ me not to,' he goaded. 'Because this is one game that you will _never _win.'

Rape was his game.

Again, I tried to call upon that burgeoning fire from before, but, ever-inconsistent, it was not there to save me. This wasn't about shifting power anymore. It was about physical capability. Despite how skilful a fighter I was, I couldn't escape my compromising position because he was simply stronger than me.

Calling for help was useless, but pleading with him was out of the question. However, when he lowered his head and sank his teeth into the tight skin over my throat, I screamed.

'_Beg_!' he roared in my ear. 'I want to watch you die when you realise that, once again, you've lost…because you're _not _better than me… you're weak, you're vulnerable, and you're completely at my mercy right now. I could do anything…_anything _to you…'

I cried out when his hand slid, not between my legs this time, but instead closing around my throat…

And suddenly that dismissive "I want to watch you die" threat became frighteningly real.

His other hand left my wrists and joined its fellow killer at my neck, both constricting in a manner that didn't seem like just a warning, but with real intent to kill. I couldn't make any noise at all – no screams, no gasps of pain, no entreaty to live…

He held my life in his hands. He knew it; I knew it. This was an exhibition of power and control that had gone way too far, because he suddenly remembered how intoxicating it was to dangle me over the fine line of life and death.

The pressure in my head was peaking and I could feel the blood and oxygen trapped on either side of his hands, having no where to go. My scratching hands went slack, and I knew. I was going to die. He hadn't intended me to – not at first, but he'd passed the point where he could let go of the exhilarating feeling of taking a life.

I'd lost.

I'd lost _everything._

And just as the gaping wound of darkness beckoned me with a gnarled finger, I felt a sudden explosion above me. I opened my eyes and looked up into what was initially more darkness, but then my vision swam back and I saw a large gash in the sky just above me, almost like the a large knife had slashed a hole in the fabrics that defined this plane of existence with another.

At that single moment, I felt the warmth of a presence that I thought had been torn away from me forever. It embraced me with kind, invisible arms of love and protection. It breathed life back into my lungs and resumed the flow of my blood. And then, it flickered and retreated back into the rip in my reality.

But it _had_ been there.

I'd felt him with perfect clarity, even if it had been for but a second in time.

However, my shocks weren't over yet. As I went to look down at my own hands check that I was _definitely _not dead, and therefore glowing, I found…nothing.

Yeah.

My hands weren't there.

_Nothing _of me was there. In that moment where that strong presence had thrown Paul and his murderous hands off of me, I'd activated some part of my power that had rendered me completely unseen.

In awe, I watched Paul heave himself to his feet, dazed and horrified at what he'd been about to do. To my surprise, I could see what looked like _regret _on his face. Frantically, he looked around for me.

'Suze…' he breathed.

I didn't say anything. I felt too strange to even remember _how _to speak, but I was also not keen on allowing a provocative remark from sliding past my brazen lips, triggering his killer instinct again.

I much preferred to let my mysterious powers work their protective magic as I remained hidden from his sight.

His head whipped from side to side in search of me. 'Suze!' he yelled. 'Come back. I didn't – I didn't mean to hurt you, I just got… come on.'

I'd been on the verge of filling a _coffin_, and he was ready to laugh it off as an accident?

Paul ran his hands – shaking and tensed – through his brown curls in distress. 'God…' he whispered to himself, freezing on the spot and staring at the ground where he'd had me tasting death. I hugged myself with invisible arms, trying to slow my laboured breathing.

At that point, the ghost-summoning marble he'd been using before hovered above the grass where it had landed, whirring faintly, and with a whip-crack, another ghost appeared, this time a teenage boy. Startled by the noise, Paul jolted and instinctively struck out, sending a beam of red energy at the ghost's chest. With a yelp, the boy disintegrated into nothingness.

I hid a gasp as Paul twisted around, panting. He was staring at his hands as if they were not his own, instead belonging to someone much older and darker than him. He was cracking.

It was almost fascinating to watch. Never before had I seen such an obvious display of weakness, a battle between his conscience and his fast descent into evil. Just as I had accumulated the motivation to reach out and try to pull him away from the darkness, his expression suddenly went blank, losing all traces of remorse or fear.

His composure returned to normal, and he straightened his shirt unnecessarily. A glimmer of a smile sprang to his lips, and he said softly, 'Fine. If you're going to play it like that, Suze, then I'll hit back just as hard. I'll bring you down with me, where you belong. In the dark…'

And with that, he picked up his backpack, red marble and the flashlight which had been thrown on the grass, and then he was gone.

Good thing, too. Just as he left, my arms started to flicker back into sight, before my temporary invisibility wore off completely. Breathing unevenly, I too got the hell out of that graveyard.

As I was driving home, a whimsical thought came to my head.

Even as far as shifters went, it was as if I were…different. Why had I been able to recover my power so quickly, when Paul had indicated that it would have taken so much longer? And speaking of which, what had he used my power to do? What did he need those seven ghosts for?

Who was he trying to get in contact with?

I shuddered.

_If I'd thought that Paul Slater was bad, I really had no idea what evil was._

**-F&I-**

**Please review! **

**We're both sick, and we both want cheering up, and we both absolutely LOVE reviews and feedback and even the occasional, "HELLO MORTALS" from our wonderful readers. **

**So drop us a line**

**Coz we're so damn fine…**

**Cough.**

**Love, **

**Lolly and Stephie.**


	17. Radiant

**Lolly: I don't think there's been THAT much of one, but if there has...sorry for the delay. I - Lolly - had my mid-year exams and have been suffering from severe procrastination lately. I'm talking, week-long procrastination. Not just a few hours. A WEEK. My art homework's due tomorrow, and I haven't started...oh, gosh...I'm in trouble...**

**ANYWAY. Not to burden you with my lack-of-motivation issues. Gah. Wish me luck in my exam results... I'm curious to see how I fared with my new studying "the morning of" method.**

** ...I'm doomed, aren't I.**

**Okay now Stephie. Your turn. Say something witty and cool.**

**Steph: Hon, you KNOW I can't do witty and cool.**

**Lolly****: Oh yeah. Now I remember why I set you to _Witty and Cool School_. At which, like in my exams, you are flunking.  
**

**Steph: (annoyed look)**

**Lolly: Okay, without further ado, I give you...Fire and Ice, Chapter 17...  
**

* * *

I didn't know how to get in contact with Robbie.

After he got his nasal passage redesigned, I had very few hopes that he'd show up at work - or that his tyrannical mother would let him be anywhere near me - but I had to try. I felt absolutely horrible for getting him involved in this, even if it was only by accident. Well, at least I had to count my blessings - even though he got attacked for it, him showing up when he did saved me a lot of imminent pain.

...No, counting blessings doesn't work. I still felt horrible.

Eleven o'clock came and went, making him two hours late for work if he'd had any intention of showing. He wasn't coming in. I wouldn't be able to apologise to him, to explain the questions that he was obviously dying to ask, and to assure him that Paul would never hurt him like that again.

I sat sadly in the back room of STAB, sorting out the enormous load of books that Robbie's family had donated the other day. My heart wasn't in it, though. No one's heart was really in the Second Time Around Bookstore at the moment...what with CeeCee mad at my temperamental state of mind, Adam feeling awkward around his two feuding friends and Robbie sitting at home nursing his face while his wall painting was left unfinished, STAB's renovation was at a definite standstill. Yet another source of guilt to add to the list.

Mr. Hughes knocked gently on the apartment door, startling me all the same, for I'd been sitting in absolute quiet.

'Oh my God,' I jumped, and he apologised for not giving me more warning.

'How are you going in here, Suze?' he asked, looking a little lost.

'Uh, great,' I said. I glanced over at the nine stacks of books against the walls of the room, a little proudly. 'They're all sorted, so I just gotta finish these couple of hundred, and we can get them on shelves, and then Robbie just needs to finish his mural, and we're all good to start...erm...you know, advertising - '

'Suze.'

' - because I think it'd be cool to have like, storytelling sessions every couple of weekends for kids, which will get heaps of moms in and stuff, buying books for -

'Suze,' Mr. Hughes said again, rubbing his nose guiltily. 'Just...stop a minute.'

I laid down the book I was holding, staring at my tiny employer.

'You know that I appreciate everything that you and your friends have done to try and save this little business,' he began, his eyes earnest and full of the impending "but..." that I knew was coming next.

I sighed, feeling crushed already. He knew I knew what he was going to say, too.

'But I just don't think that it's going to work... This idea was a brilliant one, and I can't believe that you've pulled off this much without spending any real money, but I think me and Betty need to come to terms with the fact that...well, people just don't like old books.'

'But they do!' I retaliated with my own but. 'They just like old books when they actually know about the store, Mr. Hughes. And they will, I promise, just give us a bit more time - '

'Suze,' he said again, looking deeply sorry, 'We've been closed for a while now. We owe people money. Miranda's getting very peeved that Betty and I were being so naive, and...well, I guess we just have to face that you can't win at everything. No matter how much we love this store, we can't stay here if the world truly doesn't want us.'

My face fell completely.

I didn't want this to have all been for nothing... I don't know which was more upsetting - the thought of Mr. and Mrs. Hughes having to let go of a life that they so dearly loved...or the realisation that this was going to be another battle that I'd lost. I know it was selfish, turning someone else's hardship into a personal attack against me, but I'd thought that despite everything that was terrible right now, at least maybe we'd help this bookstore to thrive, against all odds.

All the odds were just too much, it seemed.

There really was no silver lining.

'This was a silly job to make a young, lively girl like you do,' he muttered, looking disappointed in himself. 'You're stuck in this stuffy old place when you want to be outdoors in the sunshine, where you belong - '

'I've loved working here,' I blurted out immediately. I really had. Yes, it had been a little slow at first, but it was intimate, and it'd brought me and Robbie together as friends. 'I really have, Mr. Hughes.'

His finger traced the thick rim of his eyeglasses, and he laughed softly. 'You're a gem, Suze... if you want to stay for the rest of today, then that's mighty good of you, but you don't have to come back tomorrow. It'd be pointless. I'll call the other boy and tell him the same...'

With a shrug, he left, retreating to his home upstairs.

I looked down at the book in my lap, suddenly feeling very useless.

So. That was it then. STAB was finished. We'd failed.

I felt cold, all of a sudden. I got off of the bed and walked back out to the main room. Surely, after all those hours of cleaning and sorting and painting, it wasn't all for nothing? I looked over to Robbie's mural, and a wave of incredible sadness came over me when I realised that his story would never be finished. That his Ice Princess would never truly overcome the villain astride the great fire-breathing dragon. Another battle that would never be won...

The man's face, although barely outlined in black, mocked me with a victorious war cry. I turned away, unable to hold the stupid 2D, fictional character's gaze.

Loser? Me? Yeah, probably.

That was when a ratta-tat-tat sound game from the front door. I flinched again, not expecting anyone. And seriously, if I'd been given the opportunity to guess who could have possibly been about to enter that doorway, I wouldn't have, in a million years, foreseen this.

Dr. Slaski and his day attendant, whose name was vaguely familiar, were suddenly pushing through the doorway. The old man was slumped in his wheelchair, gazing at nothing in particular as a chirpy Greg waved in greeting. 'Hello...you're Paul's little friend, right? I remember you! Well, this is a coincidence. Mr. Slater was just saying how he wanted a new book, and here we are, running into old friends. Well - '

'Candybar,' Dr. Slaski grunted.

Greg's animated face paused in it's spirited chatter. '...What? You want candy, Mr. S? Are you sure that's a good idea? Your blood sugar's been a bit iffy lately - '

'I want...a candybar,' he repeated, struggling to speak. His head lolled to the side. 'Now.'

The day attendant blinked. It didn't appear that Mr. Slater made conversation like this often. I guess he'd gotten used to a lot of silence from his patient. 'Well, if that's what you want...I'll get you one that's easy to chew, all right Mr. S? Something that'll go down well - '

'Candybar!' he snapped, his hand twitching on the wheelchair's armrest angrily.

'All right,' Greg shrugged, going to wheel him back out to get the candybar, but I suddenly piped up, 'Oh, it's okay! I'll - uh, I'll watch him for a moment.'

Greg looked very reluctant. 'Oh, Suze, I'm sure that'd be lovely, but I really shouldn't leave him out of my care...if he was to fall and hurt himself, I'd get in a lot of trouble, so I think it would be best if I just took him with me and then brought him back after - '

'Leave.'

Again, Greg froze in astonishment.

'...Er...if you insist...' he sighed, and then went out of the store with an expression of apprehension. The minute the door slammed shut, Dr. Slaski stopped playing dead. He sat up perfectly, and yanked on my wrist for me to come closer.

'Okay listen hard, girly, I've got to be quick. That rotten grandson of mine thinks I went to the park, and I wouldn't put it past him to be keeping track of me, since I'm pretty sure he can smell that something's fishy about me. There's something that I needed to tell you - I should have told you long ago - '

Irritated, I slid my hand from his wrinkly yet very forceful fingers. He had the Slater iron grip, obviously.

'Okay, introduction much? Just say it already...'

He fixed me with an intense pale-eyed gaze. 'I know that you've figured something out already, and I wanted to tell you that you're right. There is a connection, Susan. I didn't know until it was too late, and Paul doesn't know about it yet so you have the advantage. You can stop it before it goes past the point of no return again, breaking into another cycle - '

'What are you talking about?' I interrupted, mightily confused. He was doing that stupid riddle-me-this thing again, where I had no clue what he was secretly trying to say.

'It's a cycle, girl! I know you know.'

'I...yeah, I had a theory last night - how did you know though?' I frowned. This was the second time that he'd just...known something. I hadn't questioned it before, because I'd just accepted that it was something that couldn't be explained.

He laughed a little, which ended up in a phlegmy cough. 'I may be rusty, but I still have traces of that old, terrible power of mine...' He gazed at his hands wistfully, dreaming of what they'd been capable of long ago. Well, they definitely still had their Slater strength - my hand was throbbing.

'But don't distract me, we don't have much time! The point is, this...scenario keeps happening, Susan. Over and over again, throughout time. Something needs to break it, otherwise it just restarts and people get hurt all over again. In the past, I wouldn't have cared about the others - the bystanders, the other parties...but well, I'm starting to see how I personally victimised a lot of innocent ghosts who got in my way. I know, because I see everything that the little bastard is doing now, flaunting his flashy tricks in front of my face, asking if I had done it before, goading me to stop him... I just want this all to stop. I'm still suffering from the consequences of my past misdeeds... cursed in this half-life with no one to talk to but you.'

I stopped dead. 'What? You mean - you're not faking when you're around everyone else? You're really that sick...? And it's just me that you can actually have a conversation w - '

'Faking?' he demanded, looking highly offended. 'No! I truly wish that were the case - then I wouldn't be in constant pain, struggling to catch my breath... no, I'm certainly not faking anything, missy. And I'm stuck in this limbo until I can finally get through to you! Oh I swear, you should have just stayed away from the boy when I told you to - '

'Okay, okay,' I settled him down before he wasted time ranting about my stupidity again, 'Back to the point - how do I stop this...cycle?'

He rolled his eyes. 'Does it look like I know?! All I can tell you is, you and your dead friend aren't the first shifter and ghost to have fallen in love. Your kind always been do-gooding and charitable, fighting for your love, while we...me, the boy, and others... we do everything in our power to tear apart something we deem so unnatural. It's the quest that goes to our heads, though. Once we pass judgement on you, everything falls apart...The power becomes an addiction, and we can't stop. We set goals that are far beyond us and anything that stands in our way is destroyed…' He coughed again, looking pained. '…You're apart of a long, arduous struggle between two opposing forces – a struggle that, to this day, has never ended happily. None of the sides are to blame though…even I thought I was doing the right thing, back in my day…that it truly was my God-given right and duty to exact my power over the dead, punishing them for their existence.'

I glared at him, although I wasn't angry at him as such, just...angry that he was confirming my worst fears; that Paul wasn't going to run out of fuel and dump this search for power... He was going to see it through until he'd torn Jesse and me to shreds.

'I don't understand,' I said bitterly. 'You're telling me what's going to happen, but you don't know how to stop it? What the hell good will that do me? I need to know how to make this right again! You can't just tell me that there's no hope - '

He growled with annoyance. 'Would you stop your self-involved whining for a moment? I'm getting to that!'

I fell silent, but a steely quality came to my gaze. He was such a Slater.

'I wasn't as involved with the priest and his ghost as the boy is with you and your one,' he muttered, 'So I didn't know much about the other side. But...I know now that you'll be the one. If the cycle's going to end...it will end with you.'

...What did THAT mean?

'What are you saying?' I said quickly. 'End with me? I hope you meant to say I'll end it, because you're making it sound like I'm gonna - '

'You might,' he raised his eyebrows. 'So don't be too shocked if you do get killed. All the others did. I'm just saying...there's something different about you, this time. Something that'll change it from how it usually goes down... I just can't see what it is...'

Disgusted with him again, I threw my hand in his face's direction. 'Ugh. You are so useless.'

'Mind your manners,' he barked. 'God, you damn kids today are so rude, with your bad language. No respect anymore.'

I rolled my eyes, but suddenly a question burned a hole in my throat. 'Wait - I need to ask you something.'

'Say please.'

'Oh, grow up!' I yelled. 'So much for, "we have limited time!" This is important. Paul's up to something at the moment, and I wanted to know if you had any idea what he was doing. All I know is, he's gathering seven ghosts to sacrifice to someone...does that mean anything?'

It sure did.

Dr. Slaski's eyes went very wide.

'...No...' he whispered. 'He - he's not _that_ daft... but then, I see the way he looks at you...'

'You're being cryptic again!' I fumed. 'Just SAY it - '

Only, he didn't say anything, because a tiny noise, like the slight shifting of weight on wooden floors, made the old man's eyes suddenly dart to the doorway leading between the bookstore and the Cup o' Tea room, in which CeeCee Webb was standing, with her eyes wide.

Oh.

_Shit_.

'Fire...' breathed Dr. Slaski, staring at CeeCee in alarm. 'Stay away from...the fire...'

And then, the attendant, Greg, burst back into STAB, humming a jaunty tune. Happily, he announced, 'I got you a Reese's bar, 'Mr. S, I hope you like those - ' but stopped when he felt the tension within the room. He glanced at CeeCee in surprise. 'Oh, hello...you're a friend of Suze's?'

CeeCee didn't answer; she was still gaping at me in absolute shock.

'Er...' Greg laughed nervously. 'Mr. S...maybe we should get a book some other time? Well, I hope you enjoyed staying with Suze for that little bit...it was a nice day out, wasn't it?'

'Wait!' I said, but stopped. As desperate as I was to know what Paul was summoning, I could see that Dr. Slaski had already sunk back into his sickly daze. He blinked irritably as a mosquito buzzed near his face, but hadn't the energy to shoo it away. 'I...uh...just wanted to say, goodbye...er, have a nice day.'

The day attendant nodded at me and CeeCee, before wheeling Dr. Slaski out. My one link to the truth was gone.

...Yeah. Now I just had to try and do some damage control in the Eavesdropping Department.

Guiltily, I spun to face CeeCee. How come she had to sneak in the back way? I mean, sure, Mr. and Mrs. Hughes had given us permission, but what right did she have to take them up on their outrageous offer?

'Er, hey,' I mumbled. 'Long time no see...'

She was still speechless.

'You didn't happen to catch much of that little convo, right...?' I said hopefully.

Her purple eyes hadn't left me the entire time, and she seemed to have no problem with the whole not blinking thing. 'I...' she breathed. 'I don't know what to make of this...'

'Make of what?'

Her brow creased suddenly in irritation. 'Oh, don't play the dumb card with me, Suze. You know very well what. I don't know what that was all about, but something's going on. I knew it the other day when you shoved me to the ground, but I didn't question it because I was just so _angry_ that, after two years, you still don't trust me enough to just TELL me what's happening in your life! You told me about Jesse being a...a ghost, and I believed you. Sort of. I mean...it's hard to believe, but I did, for you. And yet, even after you break the hardest bit of news to me, that your boyfriend's freakin' dead, you STILL don't think I'm ready to know all the other stuff?'

'CeeCee,' I went to say.

'NO, Suze, let me FINISH.'

I bit my lip.

She dragged her white hand through her equally white hair, looking furious now that she'd worked herself up. 'You're trying to keep everything from me still, but it's like, really obvious that something really bad is happening to you right now. I know I'm right,' she said with assurance when I didn't confirm anything. 'And I know it has something to do with Paul Slater.'

I looked away, freaking out. Was I that transparent? How, then, had my own MOTHER not noticed?

The Paul thing was obviously a bit that she wasn't a hundred percent on, but the minute I'd let shame burn my cheeks, she had her answer.

'God...' she breathed. 'I knew it. I'm - I'm just _baffled_ that, even after all of this time, you didn't come to me. You're still leaving me in the dark. It hurts, Suze. Do you know that? It hurts me to watch you shrivelling away, and not knowing why, and worse still, not understand why you don't trust that I could help you to make things better...'

Stunned at the sudden pain that choked her words, I glanced back up and saw that she was crying. When she realised that I'd noticed, she broke off in an angry laugh. 'Yeah, I know. "Way to get emotional, CeeCee." I just overestimated how strong this stupid friendship was, I guess.'

A horrible knot came to the back of my throat, and my nose burned fiercely.

'Don't say that...' I whispered sadly.

'Why the hell not?!' she spat, tears falling freely now. She didn't care. 'And what have you done that's so bad, that makes you think you have to go through this on your own?'

My face creased in misery. Her crying was infectious - I too felt my eyes welling madly, rushing to catch up with her.

'Cee...' I moaned, 'I...I can't say anything...'

'Damn it!' she roared, kicking the door frame very hard. I jumped. Her hair blazed whitely around her furious pale face that was leaking constantly. 'You can, you're just choosing not to. Just tell me this, right now: Do you consider me much of a friend? Because if not, I will walk out of this room, and I will never ask you a single thing about your personal life ever again.'

I gasped to catch my breath as I sobbed, possible answers flying erratically through my head. How could I phrase my response?

_"Yes, but - " _

_"It's not that simple!"_

_"Your life could be in danger if I say anything..."_

Wiping my eyes shakily, I let the first slightly logical answer to spill from my chaotic mind. 'CeeCee, I love you. You're my best friend. I know I've been behaving appallingly lately, and you're right...things are bad right now. And this will sound stupid, I know, but you're safer not knowing. You're safer just...staying away from me right now, or you'll just get hurt. Ask Robbie's face...or what's left of it. He'll tell you I'm right.'

Absorbing this information, she took a huge breath.

'Okay,' she said, her voice crackling. 'I get it. You're trying to be noble, and brave it out by yourself. Well guess what, Suze? You can cut the crap, right now. I dunno what your definition of friendship is, but for me, it's sticking by each other, no matter what. I don't care if you killed a six year old in a hit and run, or if you - I dunno, got involved in drugs or something. Anything you do will in _no way_ change my desire to help you. So, if you consider me your friend, then you better get used to unloading your problems on me, because I'm sticking around.'

I stood there, feeling weak and bewildered and so very deeply touched, all at the same time.

She came to stand right in front of me, putting her hands on my shoulders.

'Now please,' she begged. 'Just tell me...'

And I did.

Everything that I could possibly think of came out, uncensored and not sugar-coated in the least. I told her about Father Dom and Lily, about Jesse being trapped, about Paul's horrible deal and the terms he'd stated, about what he'd done to me, about how he'd made my mother hate me, how he'd beaten Robbie up yesterday and how I just didn't know what to do anymore...

It was messy. It was ugly, and wet and loud and painful but by the time I was done, she knew everything that I'd kept bottled up from everyone with a heartbeat. And she was right - it felt so good to get out. I didn't dare look at her the whole time, especially when recounting Paul's recent treatment of me. When I mentioned the tidbit about him going off the rails last night and almost strangling me to death, she cut the whole emotional vomit short by hugging me fiercely.

_'Never_ don't tell me anything again!' she ordered.

She was still hugging me when the door slammed and a voice suddenly stammered, 'Oh God, I didn't know it was PDA-Day, Suze, way to just mack it in completely public with - HOLY CRAP, it's CeeCee!'

Cee and I pulled apart, staring at Adam curiously.

'Oh!' he laughed. 'Oh, so you weren't sucking face. Thank God. Hang on, what am I saying? Damn! No hot girl on girl action - ' At that point, he realised that both of our faces were leaking many different fluids, and he suddenly let out an 'Oh...' in recognition. 'Thank God you two made up - even if it _wasn't_ out. Just yeah, the whole bitter feuding was getting kind of awkward. So, can I have in on the big group hug too, please? It's been way too long for my liking since women have clung from my extraordinarily muscular body.'

With a soggy giggle, I motioned for him to sit in between us on the floor. He did so quiet happily, and we both wrapped ourselves around each of his arms.

He let out a content sigh. 'Ah, this is the life... this moment could have only been better if I _had_ walked in on you two going at it.'

CeeCee scowled at him. Adam was a dork, but he was shockingly perceptive. He knew very well that something bad was up, just as CeeCee had, but he didn't want to question it. Instead, he did all he could to help in his own way: by making me smile.

And I loved him for that.

There was something about that moment that set it apart from all the others in my life. I mean, I knew that Adam and CeeCee were amazing friends, but only then - and far too late, at that - did I appreciate exactly how amazing they were. That closeness made me feel almost at peace, as if, yes, things could get better now that I knew my friends would always be there to support me.

'So...' Adam said after a long while of comfortable silence. 'I'm guessing this threesome really isn't going ahead.'

'No, it's not,' CeeCee said.

He whined. 'Aww, man. You girls suck. Well, actually, that's the problem - you don't.'

With a smile - a kind of creeped out one, admittedly - I pulled away from his arm and kissed him affectionately on the cheek. He grinned at me, but rather than making further innuendos, he just nodded, concluding the unsaid understanding that we would always all be there for each other.

'Okay,' I said, standing up. I felt strangely scared after having revealed my entire disastrous life to CeeCee, but I trusted her. 'I'm actually want to try and call Robbie...'

CeeCee murmured in agreement, remembering what I'd told her before about Paul's flying fists.

I shuffled to the Cup o' Tea room in which both mine and Robbie's personal information sheets were stuck to the fridge. I stole his phone number and dialled it on my cell.

The phone rang for a five rings. Adam and CeeCee looked at each other, as if she was trying to telepathically tell him what had happened, because he looked confused but was too polite to demand answers. After forever, the other line was picked up.

For some reason, I hadn't thought of encountering Mrs. Gallagher instead of her less terrifying son.

'Hello?'

'Uh - ' I broke off unsurely. 'Hi...is, um, Robbie home please?'

Her voice went hard. 'Who is this? Is this that girl from his work? That one who sent him to hospital yesterday?'

'No - I...yes, but I didn't - '

'Well,' she allowed herself to slide into full intimidation-mode, 'I do not want you calling my son. His life is hell enough without little trouble makers like you leading him astray!'

Angry, I snapped, 'Who are you to say his life is hell? Sorry, but whenever I've seen him recently, he's been glowing. He's really happy. So if all you see of him is the sad, withdrawn side, then maybe you might think that the cause of his supposed hellish life is a little closer to home, rather than blaming it on a complete stranger!'

She went deadly quiet. I thought she'd hung up at first, but then she hissed into the phone, 'How dare you? You really have no clue, young lady. Robert is a very sick little boy. He already has enough breathing troubles, and now he's got a broken nose that's going to aggravate his illness even more as it heals. You know nothing about my son, do don't you DARE judge me on how I raise my child!'

Adam let loose a low whistle - he could hear how loud she was screaming.

'He's...sick?'

A chill seized my skin.

'Yes,' she said heavily, fury still shaking her words. 'Cystic fibrosis. A very nasty case of it, too. He won't live as long as you, and he's had it very rough. So you can see why I don't like people like you taking advantage of him - '

'Mrs Gallagher,' I said defensively, but she was done.

'Enough. Do not call here again.'

I heard the click of her receiver, and I felt awful again.

'What's wrong?' CeeCee asked quickly. 'Why's he sick? Is it from what happened yesterday - ?'

'Er,' I muttered, 'I...what's Cystic Fibrosis?'

Adam looked back at me blankly, but CeeCee's face suddenly paled even more than usual. 'Oh my God,' she lamented. 'Poor Robbie...'

'What is it?' I asked. 'Is it like cancer or something?'

'No,' she looked really upset. 'It's completely different, but it's still bad. I think it's...a disease that inhibits the immune system, so the person's always sick, and there's lots of difficulty breathing... my mum's friend's son had it. I don't know much, but he died pretty young, like, eighteen or something.'

My jaw tensed up.

Robbie was fifteen. If he was anything like the kid that CeeCee knew, that meant that he only had about three years left to live. Three years where his overprotective mom kept him from living. I mean, I could see now why she was so anal...but was it really doing him much good, locking him away in that big old house of his? I don't care what his mom said - he'd been happy around Adam and CeeCee and me. We had to have been one of the rare points in his day where he really smiled...

'That sucks hiney,' Adam said tragically. 'Poor kid.'

Feeling perfectly miserable again, I sighed. 'Yeah,' I agreed. 'Everything just...sucks.'

**-F&I-**

That night, I drifted off into a really dodgy sleep after my completely unrestful previous night. Lily sat on my window seat, humming a sweet but eerie little song that lulled me to sleep. Immediately, nightmares seized my vulnerable state, torturing me with possibilities of what Paul had in store for me next, who this mysterious figure was that he was going to summon… I saw clocks ticking slowly, reminding me of the terrible time constraints in which I was trapped, and as the hands ticked away, I saw Jesse, gradually fading to nothing –

'No!' I screamed, 'Jesse, come back!'

And then, suddenly, my nightmare flickered into a colourless monochrome, and my heart skipped a beat. I knew this place…it was different from the last setting in STAB's apartment, but everything looked the same – my bed was as grey and distant looking as before, and outlines snaked across the room, forming static shapes that spluttered in and out of view.

'Jesse…' I breathed. 'Are you here?'

I whirled around, but I couldn't find him.

Oh my God. It had happened. He'd…he'd faded – that hadn't been a nightmare! It had been REAL! 'Jesse!' I yelled, 'NO, you're supposed to STILL BE HERE – '

'Susannah…'

I jolted, spinning wildly to find myself locked in place by those breathtakingly dark eyes.

'Thank God….' I leapt into his arms, holding him tightly. 'I thought you were gone…'

His embrace tightened suddenly. 'I felt you slipping away from me… I tried – I tried to reach out to hold on to you…I tried to break free of this dreadful prison, but I didn't know if I'd acted quickly enough…and then, I couldn't hear you all day. I feared that I'd lost you. Gone…'

All this was whispered into my hair in a breathless, hysterical slur and it took me a moment to make sense of it.

'So…it _was_ you,' I said slowly, facing him again. 'Last night…you were the one who blasted Paul off of me when he was strangling me…'

Jesse's eyes went, if possible, even blacker. '…So _that_ was why I felt your presence fade,' he growled. 'I see that he's past his delusions that he's in love with you. He's moved straight onto trying to murder you…'

My lips twitched humourlessly, and I just stared at his face. His entire demeanour was different from last time. He'd been more worried the first time I had dreamt of the forgotten plane. Now, he was edgy. I could feel his frustration radiating from his form in swells of potent energy, infecting me and making me agitated. His anger had been bottled up this entire time, and he couldn't do a thing to stop it from festering.

'Hey,' I said anxiously, stroking his face. 'Are you okay?'

He turned his head from my hand, looking disgusted with himself. 'That is irrelevant, I believe. It is you who almost died, and here I am, unable to protect you from that…that _demon – _'

'No, but you did!' I said quickly. 'Jesse, I was a goner. But you got him away from me. You saved my life, even from here…'

'That was an accident,' he said dismissively, determined to deny himself the credit he deserved. 'I was just so _frustrated_ and I just – exploded… It still doesn't change the fact that next time, I might not get worked up like that in time to be of any use – '

'Stop it!' I argued. 'You did a great thing despite Paul's attempt to cut you off completely. Even from here, we're still connected. That gives us some hope, doesn't it?'

At that point, it was as if he switched personalities or something. He'd been restless before now, but suddenly, he descended into a state of blind abandon. I mean, _damn._

His breath shuddered as he sighed. After shoving my hands away from his chest, he started pacing around my Forgotten room in a sort of frenzy. 'Remember! She's…not there. _Nombres de Dios…_I have to get out of here…I have to get back…help you…make this stop…kill Slater – '

'Jesse!' I yelled, stamping my foot.

He froze, and he gazed at me as if seeing me for the time. '…_Susannah_?' He looked around quickly, before closing his eyes and moaning, 'You're not real… you're never real…'

My shoulders stiffened fearfully. Oh my God…this place was making him mad.

'Jesse…' I said gently. 'I swear, I'm real. I'm asleep at the moment… I can only ever come to you when I'm asleep. God, every night I go to bed hoping that I'll reach you again… and finally, I made it.'

He still wouldn't look at me.

'No,' he muttered into his arm, turning away. 'Not _real_. He's…tricking me again. Sending tricks… lies…'

My hand drifted nervously over my mouth, and I bit the edge of my finger. I didn't know what to do. I'd never seen Jesse like this, spiralling downward. His movements were no longer fluid – they were jerky and unpredictable. Carefully, I moved back over to him, sliding my hand to his shoulder comfortingly. 'Jesse… please, look at me.'

I could feel him shaking, and my heart started hammering with fear. Nothing ever scared him like this…

Finally, he lowered his arm from his face and turned his head back slightly, reluctantly meeting me gaze. 'No…' he breathed, shaking his head, 'Lying – '

'What's this place done to you?' I whimpered. 'Jesse, I swear, it's me…' I turned him back around, trying to convince him that I wasn't just some hallucination, or whatever he'd been experiencing. Gently, I pressed against him, kissing him lovingly. After a moment of stillness beneath my lips, he suddenly awakened, one hand sliding to my waist while the other gripped my hair. He breathed in deeply, finally remembering me.

'…It _is_ you,' he marvelled, gazing down at me with new eyes. Sanity returned to him. 'Oh Susannah, I'm so sorry, I didn't know what to think – I keep seeing you, and I never know the truth…'

My desire to get him the hell out of here burnt brightly. God, I _hated_ Paul for keeping him here.

'Shhh…' I soothed, my fingers gently combing through his beautiful, thick hair. He closed his eyes, kissing my forehead again.

'Are you all right?' he asked softly, his voice no longer hysterical or frightened. He sounded collected once more, as if my presence had grounded him.

'I'm fine,' I half-laughed. I mean, okay, yeah, I was in a bit of a state too, but at least I wasn't seeing things that weren't there.

…I mean that in every way _SEPARATE_ from the Mediator thing.

Jesse's eyes snapped open again. 'Tell me what has happened. You said Paul tried to hurt you. Tell me…'

'Er,' I mumbled, 'He just…snapped. Not much to tell..'

Looking unconvinced, he guided me over to the hauntingly grey window seat on which I knew, in reality, Lily was seated. But here in the Forgotten Plane, it was just us…

Holding my hands in his, Jesse stared at me intently. 'Snapped?'

Awkwardly, I recounted last night's events to Jesse, from his plots to summon seven ghosts, to my unexplainable power bursts, to his sudden urge to end me as he choked the life out of me. I made sure to place great emphasis on how imperative Jesse had been in saving me, just in case he was still in his _I'm-so-useless_ phase.

I then went on to tell him about my conversation with Dr. Slaski that morning, how he'd confirmed that he, we, Paul, Father Dominic and Lily were part of some _cycle_, and that I didn't know how to end it.

'A cycle, he said?' Jesse frowned. '_Dios_…Susannah, this is big.'

'I know!' I said. 'That's what I thought when the theory came to me. What do we do though, Jesse? If Dr. Slaski's right, and Paul does become Mr. Massive Mean-Guy, he said that I had to do something to stop it. But I can't. I mean, yeah, I just found out that I have shifter powers, but…I can't do anything to stop him. You should have _seen _the stuff that he could do! I couldn't… I'd never be – ' I trailed off, looking helplessly at Jesse.

'Susannah,' he urged, 'Look at your hands.'

I did. Like last time, they were glowing brightly.

'Yeah? So?'

'You're radiant, _querida_.'

So was Wilbur in _Charlotte's Web_. What was his point?

'You misunderstand,' he said hastily, holding my hands higher now. 'Paul visited me once here, just before you dreamt of me the first time. I believe he was checking how quickly my disappearance was progressing. He said that it didn't really matter, since you'd have no way of knowing, but he was intrigued to see how soon he could get rid of me. He said he had no intention of bringing me back – '

'That _dick_!'

' – But I digress,' he shook his head quickly. 'My point was, when he came, he…he didn't glow as you do. Yes, he shone some, a dark red colour, but certainly not enough to light the room as you do. This is only a theory, but I think that this light is an indication of power, Susannah. Your light is far superior to his. Therefore I believe that, even though you may not realise it, you are extraordinarily powerful…'

I looked at my glimmering hand lamely. 'Uh. Not so much.'

'I am serious,' he stressed, his gaze increasing in intensity. 'Can you think of any other explanation? Think…when you've used your power, what colour has it been?'

'_Whaaah_?'

'The light you produced. What _colour_ was it?'

'Erm…white,' I muttered. 'But that doesn't mean – '

But Jesse looked convinced. He smiled at me. 'Ah, _querida_. I can only imagine what will happen when you reach your true potential as a mediator… I have faith in you.'

Feeling as if I'd be letting him down if I wasn't all he'd cracked me up to be, I pulled my hands from his and just stared at him forlornly. 'I wish everything was back to normal…' I mourned. 'I hate being away from you… I feel like I can't breathe.'

'I know,' he agreed. I didn't have to ask what it felt like to be away from me – his little episode before gave me a pretty good indication.

Even here, I felt far away from him. I knew this was real, but it didn't feel real. It still felt wrong – the usual feelings of warmth and peace that I felt in his presence where destroyed by the terrible, eternal ache in knowing at how evanescent this moment was.

Fear started invading me again. 'Jesse…' I whispered.

'Yes?' he said, gazing attentively once more.

I shivered. 'Kiss me…'

Begging and pleading was not necessary, as I found – the moment the request had passed my lips, he moved into me, his arms seizing me once more in a hold so strong and comforting that I almost imagined that we weren't really in this Forgotten Plane… I imagined that everything was perfectly fine as his lips cajoled me into sweet surrender, as I sighed his name on a cold, winter's breath, gripping him closer into me so as to be appeased by his heat…

Slowly, I crawled over him, sitting astride his legs on the window seat as he continued to kiss me with a long-awaited passion that invigorated me, fuelling my hope and making me believe that together, we could get through this.

His lips were like heaven's fire on my neck. I savoured his warmth, breathing hard, my hands running through his hair, keeping him close to me…

'Jesse…' I panted.

He stopped to look up at me, a rekindled zeal burning powerfully in his eyes. 'I love you, _querida…_'

This pause had lasted a few too many seconds for my liking. Devastated at the thought of his lips not on mine, I dived back down, holding his face with desperate, cold fingers. I felt his hands slide to my backside as he suddenly rocked forward, carrying me to my bed. He landed on top of me, still kissing me like this could be our final time together. Neither of us wanted to admit it, but the possibility bore down upon us with dead, pale blue eyes. His hands ran all over my skin, touching and caressing every moment that had been stolen from us and my knees parted as he slid his body firmly against mine. Oh, I'd _missed_ _him_… Now more than ever, I wanted to be with him the way that I knew we couldn't…the way that had been corrupted, and needed to be cleansed by the purity of our love once more. He was breathing just as hard as I was, our chests heaved in synchrony and our lips fought to find each other and his finger stroking between my thighs, making me gasp sharply from the sheer memory, let alone the feelings it elicited, and –

And suddenly, everything disappeared: the ghost on top of me, the sensations of his kiss, the greyness of the room surrounding me…

I sat up in my bed, panting and throbbing and gazing with bleary, disappointed eyes at the faintly glowing form of Lily on my window seat, still humming her haunting lullaby.

She turned her head when she heard me stir. 'Suze? Are you all right? You look…warm.' Her face took a mysterious almost knowing look as she tilted her head at me.

I gulped and tried to calm the flush in my cheeks. 'Yeah…yeah, I'm okay. It was…' I breathed out slowly, bringing my fingers to my lips. A faint memory of the feel of Jesse's lips still traced over them. All over my body faint ghosts of his fingers still lingered. I tried desperately to calm myself. But it was a fire that was burning crazily.

I never did learn how to put out the Greek fire that Jesse always managed to alight within me. 'It was just a dream.'

How could I explain the truth? That it had been so much more than a dream…

'I see,' she said, secretively smiling. I shook my head and cuddled back in my blankets, deeply breathing in and out trying to- for lack of a better phrase- cool myself off. 'Well, goodnight again.'

'Yeah,' I said. 'Goodnight.' I shut my eyes and squished my legs together trying to dull the ache of once again being so close to him, only to be ripped away.

'Sweet dreams,' she whispered, before singing softly and sadly to the frosted window pane

How I wished I could live in them.

* * *

**Please review. **

**Cheer me up and soften the blow of my exam marks...**

**Love, Lolly and Stephie.  
**


	18. Hello Kitty

Paul's silence was terrifying me.

One would think that I would have relished the three days in which he didn't say a word to me. I saw neither hide nor hair of the psychopath, something that should have relieved me. However, it only served to make me even more anxious, more afraid of how he was spending this time apart. Usually when he left me out of things, it was when he didn't want me involved because he knew I would only interfere. That put my mind in the fiercest state of unrest imaginable. I would have preferred to be horrified with the things that he was doing in front of me, rather than being left in the dark with my wild speculations.

My last conversation with Father Dominic over the phone had been frosty at best. I wanted to tell him that my theory of our involvement in a larger cycle was correct, that we were trapped in a battle between two opposing forces that had been warring for ages… But then I would have had to reveal where I'd gotten this confirmation, and I doubt he wanted to hear that I talked to his old girlfriend's exorcist regularly about this kind of stuff.

Lily was miserable. She tried to act like she was coping with the massive rejection, but I saw right through her. If there was ever anyone who wanted to no longer exist, it was her. I'd never seen such emptiness in somebody's eyes before… I mean, I'd definitely had my low points because I wasn't exactly doing back-flips about my life at the moment, but I still had things that anchored me here, that kept me fighting. I had more on the line than just me. I had Jesse to save.

…Lily had nothing.

I tried not to dwell on her predicament, because I knew that if I thought too much then my fears would have escalated once again to fully-fledged panic. I so badly wanted for me and Jesse to survive this awful situation. I knew we wouldn't escape completely unscathed, and that if we ever got through this, I wasn't going to be as whole as I once was…

But I had hope that I wasn't damaged beyond repair.

Every couple of hours, I checked my cell phone for texts from Paul. To the ignorant outsider, I looked like a nervous little girlfriend waiting to hear back from the boy she liked. Oh, if only that was the case. If only my existence was that simplistic… Instead, I was waiting for my summons, for when I would finally know what terrible things his past deeds had been leading up to. However, the silence lingered on. I debated whether I was brave enough to approach him, but even though I was going insane, I wasn't a _masochist_. I wouldn't walk unnecessarily into such a painful situation if it could be avoided.

It was early on a Monday morning when I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew I couldn't go to Paul's, but if I sat around for one more day without doing something proactive, I was going to crack. Whispering a quick goodbye to the heartbroken Lily who was slumped against my windowpane looking blankly at the pages of a book open at her lap, I grabbed a jacket after pulling on the first thing I could find in my wardrobe. I didn't care about the early hour. Five wasn't even _that_ early. I mean, surely nuns got up at five sometimes, right?

Fog was drifting across the Californian landscape as I drove to the Mission. It was hard to see, since my eyes were still pretty bleary from lack of sleep, but I made it there in one piece. It seemed like I'd only blinked before I was out of the car and knocking on his front door.

No disgruntled sister answered me this time – they seemed to be used to the fact that random young girls were always asking for their priest, and chose to boot him to the door to answer it. A whole minute passed before I finally heard the scraping of a key in a lock.

When the door opened, I gasped very loudly.

'Father Dom!'

…He looked dreadful.

'Oh…Susannah…right…'

Rolling his eyes a little, he sighed. I still couldn't process this unfamiliar image. Dark circles branded his eyelids, and his skin looked paler and more aged than I remembered. The twinkle in his eyes was dead, and if I wasn't mistaken, I smelt the distinct scent of alcohol.

I wrinkled my nose in disappointment. 'Oh my God…you've got to be kidding me…'

'Susannah,' he grumbled, 'It's…very early, and I – ' Breaking off abruptly, he winced and held his head in pain. 'Please go…'

'Hell no,' I snapped. 'I am NOT leaving you here to drown your sorrows. What do your little nuns have to say about this, exactly? Or do they not care that their parish priest is sucking face with a bottle of grog?'

'Thank you for depicting my relationship with whiskey so romantically,' he said sarcastically, trying to press against the door to force me out. I was a lot harder to get rid of than that, though.

'Oi! Now listen, you. We need to have a serious talk, all right? Right now. Is this gonna happen here, or – '

'I need to lie down…'

My eyes narrowed dangerously. 'So help me, I will break down this door and I will – '

'Oh, all right,' he said irritably, sobering up a little in his annoyance. 'Allow me to get changed at least, and we'll discuss this in one of the classrooms. Acceptable?'

'Very,' I said coldly, folding my arms across my chest. He slammed the door, leaving me standing there with yet another wave of fear. Father Dominic was losing it. My pillar of support was cracking like an egg. Horrified awe washed over me once again as I realised how spot on Paul had been about his means of vengeance. Even if he hadn't tortured Lily into non-existence in front of Father D, the poor man was still deeply suffering the effects of having messed with Paul Slater. I made a note not to tell Paul of his success so as to avoid at least one look of arrogant satisfaction.

Minutes ticked by, and I began to grow annoyed at how long he was keeping me waiting. As I was finally about to bang on the door again, it opened beneath my balled fist, and Father Dominic's face looked a little fresher and more together than it had, but he still hadn't managed to hide the tired emptiness in his eyes. At least his clothes were crisp, and he'd masked the previous smell with some cologne or whatever.

'Sorry,' he mumbled a little ruefully, regarding his behaviour from before. After I nodded, he didn't say anything else on the topic.

Swiftly, he guided me into the school grounds, his keys jangling in his pocket. I wondered if he was trying a little hard to appear like his normal self, because he kept stumbling when he tried to walk too fast, confirming that he'd definitely been searching for the other end of the bottle all night. I wondered if he'd slept well… if not, that made two of us.

Finally, we arrived at one of the classrooms. With a pang, I realised that it was not only my World Civ. classroom, but also the first room where he'd met Lily. I remembered from the memory. He didn't know I knew, but I saw him sigh a little sadly as he looked around at the aged walls covered with posters of Mr. Walden's favourite poets. When he glanced back at me shiftily, I pretended that I hadn't been spying on him.

'All right,' he said, running an aged hand through his brilliant white hair, 'What's bothering you, Susannah?'

The look I gave him had a little more hostility in it than necessary. I should have remembered that he didn't know the full details of Paul's abuse – probably for the best – but surely he could have chosen classier words than that, since there was obviously a lot to be bothered about lately. And it didn't help that he may not be able to recall this conversation in the future due to his whiskey adventure.

I allowed tainted oxygen to swell my lungs before I launched into my anxieties. 'I just…I don't know what's going to happen… Paul hasn't contacted me for over three days now, and the last time he did, as I told you, he kind of did his nut and tried to kill me… I'm just really nervous about the trouble he's got cooking up for me, and I know that when it all goes down, I'm going to react the exact same way as I usually do: with panic and incompetence… I'm fighting a war that I can't win,' I groaned, slumping into one of the chairs. 'Everything's so screwed up…'

Father D stared at me, with something more than sympathy overcoming his face. He knew this all too well.

'Oh, Susannah,' he said sadly, sitting beside me and placing his hand on my shoulder. I didn't look at him, instead finding my twisting hands remarkably interesting. 'You are not deserving of this… I wish more than anything that I could protect you from what is happening to you. From everything that Paul is inflicting upon you, from the pain of being without Jesse…'

From losing any credibility with my mom…

'But you can't,' I shrugged. 'No one can. Especially not me. Everybody keeps telling me I've got this really cool power stored up inside of me, but it hasn't exactly helped that much yet. Sure, I pulled a cool invisibility stunt the other night, but other than that, it's just so…_unreliable_. What if I need to do something to save my life, and it fails me? Bang – I'm dead. And worse still, the only person who can possibly help me is the one that's slowly turning everything in my world into a hell I didn't know could exist on earth.'

Well, _him,_ and a crippled old man who wouldn't dare let himself get absorbed in the dark magic again.

I expected Father Dom to make some kind of reply, to tell me that it'd be okay, that we'd sort it out, but silence sounded loudly from the Holy Corner. When my eyes flickered up, I saw instead that his face was frozen in a look of dread.

'What?' I prompted, not liking the doubtful glint in his eye. 'You have a Face. It worries me when you have a Face.'

His brow creased even further as he gazed fiercely at me. 'Susannah, I…haven't been completely honest with you.'

That snagged my attention.

Instantly, I sat up in my chair, suspicion arising within me. 'Huh? What's that supposed to mean?'

The words that passed his lips next were both reluctant and choked. 'I'm…potentially not as useless to your cause as I have been acting,' he muttered guiltily.

'Sorry, I don't speak Cryptic,' I said sarcastically. Why didn't people just spit things out? Did they think they were being cool and suspenseful? Because, uh, yeah – NOT SO MUCH.

He went quiet again, an internal battle wrestling inside his snow-topped head. 'All right… I think it's time I told you a bit more about my past…'

'Your Lillilicious past?' I guessed.

Ignoring my sparkling new creation, he replied, 'No, not exactly…more about what happened after.'

I frowned. 'Didn't – didn't you take your holy orders or whatever budding priests do?' That was what Lily's will was, right?

He laughed bitterly. 'Oh, no… I was too foolish to do that, wasn't I…'

Confused, I crossed my arms. What this have to do with him being un-useless?

'After Lily disappeared, I began to…fall apart,' he spluttered with difficulty, unwilling to reveal this part of his soul to another person. 'I went from the Mission, far away. I blamed God for her moving on, and the Church seemed like an appropriate scapegoat; I wanted nothing to do with it. However, I was never the most accepting person. I refused to believe that she was gone, and instead, I…'

'Do NOT trail off, so help me God,' I snapped.

His breath was a bit jagged. '…I immersed myself with darker materials, searching for a way to bring her back…'

Saying that this astonished me would be like saying that Hitler didn't like the Jews a little bit.

'_WHAT_?'

He winced at my reaction of horror. 'Susannah, don't judge me too harshly, I know what I did was wrong and I – '

'Oh my God,' I whispered.

'All right, stop,' he barked, shame gripping him severely. 'Hear me out, I beg of you.'

With chills trailing eerily along my skin like ghosts, I sat in silent attention.

Continuing on, he said, 'It was a very bad time of my life. The _worst_, in fact. I did things that I've lived to regret, even to this day, and I lost very important pieces of myself in doing so – '

Automatically, I scanned his body as if expecting to suddenly realise he only had eight fingers, but then realised he probably was referring to less visible wounds.

' – I got through the day by drinking, and the night was spent in a haze of trying again and again to perform dangerous spells from books of the most pure evil… but it was always in vain because I didn't have nearly enough power to commit the spells to reality. I was fuelled by pain, longing and depression, which did not change the fact that I was just a mediator with no extraordinary abilities. I surrounded myself with a lot of more powerful influences, trying to seek out their help in bringing her back, but I was met with a constant string of refusal and apathy.

'There were moments when I simply couldn't breathe…' his voice was so soft, so pained that my eyes began to burn dangerously. 'I wanted to die. I wanted to take a gun, put it in my mouth, and pull the trigger. I didn't care about death. I just wanted this life to be over…'

When he trailed off this time, I did not scold. I couldn't. I was far too flabbergasted to utter the beginnings of any syllable. Father Dominic, my principal, teacher, friend…had seriously considered killing himself.

Cracks threatened to shatter my unstable world just that little bit more.

'Thankfully, I found God again,' he went on. 'I was a wreck for a whole year, but after losing my way, I finally returned to the rectory, prepared myself once more and then became a priest just as I'd known she'd wanted. Also, I wanted to ensure that I never fell in love with another woman again, as I didn't want to insult the memory of my love for her. It has been lonely, but I've survived. I thank the Lord for saving me from my weaknesses.'

My fingers were curled against my lips, and I shuddered out a breath. 'Holy hell…'

'Anyway,' the droning, miserable quality in his voice lifted, transforming into one of efficiency. 'The crux of that story was to tell you that, in that horrible year, I studied the shifting craft meticulously, hoping that one day, a power would come to me. It never did, but I practiced till my fingers bled from the effort. Now, I think it's time to teach someone who really has the ability.'

'Father Dom – ' I began, but he jammed his eyes shut and said in a hard voice, '_Don't_, Susannah.'

I nodded sadly.

'All right…I won't pretend that my knowledge of shifting rival's Paul's, nor will I delude you into thinking that I remember everything I learned all those years ago…but I surely do know some defensive skills that ought to help you,' he promised. 'Stand up.'

A little alarmed that this was happening right now, I rose to my feet awkwardly. 'Okay…'

He came to stand in front of me, frowning in his efforts to recall his knowledge of the past. 'What I'm going to teach you is simply a physical barrier. In theory, it's an unseen force that obstructs anything that's trying to attack you. In practice, I have no idea what to expect, as I've never achieved it. Hopefully, you'll have more luck.'

I nodded, a readiness suddenly warming me. This was good. I needed to know things like this in order to protect myself.

'You'll need to raise your arms so they're directly in front of you,' he said, demonstrating so that his arms were straight and parallel.

'Keep my hands at the level of my eyes?' I smiled humourlessly. 'What – is he gonna try and attack me with his trusty Punjab lasso?'

'I haven't the foggiest notion of what you're talking about,' he muttered. 'Just raise your arms, Susannah.'

'Righteo.'

I stared at my fingers, nervously spread out an arms length away from my face. To my surprise, they started tingling strangely…

'Now all you need to do is see a physical shield in front of you, protecting you from harm… see it in your mind, and it will be so. Commit yourself to it, and will it to be – '

A mere flicker of commitment passed through my head, and energy exploded from my fingers. 'Whoa – ' I yelled, not expecting it to work THAT quickly, but Father Dominic called, 'Don't lower your arms! Maintain it –'

I narrowed my eyes, feeling the warm, invisible power gushing from my hands. I couldn't see anything, but the air seemed to shimmer just a little in front of me like steam. Suddenly out of no where, a book came flying at my face. I screamed in shock and went to duck, but before it collided with me, it just bounced uselessly off of my awesome invisible obstacle. A large cross glared irritably up at me from the book cover.

Aching, I allowed my arms to fall by my side. 'You threw a BIBLE at me? What kind of priest _are_ you?'

He shrugged a little guiltily. 'A…resourceful one.'

'You're a bible basher, Father Dom – '

'Susannah,' he cut me off, which I guess was fair since I was talking crap anyway. 'So…that was very successful then. How did it feel?'

A little grin came to my lips, in spite of myself. '…It was pretty cool. After I got past the whole getting-attacked-with-the-Word-of-God thing, I just felt…safe. I haven't felt like that in a long time.'

And that was true. If I was able to pull off tricks like this when I was battling the Lord Pauldemort next time, I'd definitely have a fighting chance of not dying.

I asked Father Dom how I was able to achieve it so quickly.

He looked pensive. 'Hmm… I imagine it's because…for some time now, your power has matured to its full potential, but you haven't been using it so you've got this amazing reservoir of power just bottled up, waiting to be used. The slightest defensive technique like that would have been relatively effortless, as a result…'

I stared at my hands worriedly. I had been right before in thinking that I was kind of overloaded with power. That was scary. The last time I'd gotten really emotional, I'd almost killed Paul. I mean, yeah, sure, not a great loss to the world, but I remembered how terrified I'd been of unintentionally hurting someone I cared about because I was so raw and out of control. I didn't want to hurt anyone…

'Father D,' I looked back up at him, wariness in my eyes. 'This power that I have… it's not…evil, is it?'

A harsh expression invaded his face. 'Why do you ask _that_?'

I shrugged. 'Paul says it is. And while I know what a trustworthy source he isn't, there was…well, he did something the other night… he stole a little bit of my power…' Okay, a lot, but considering how quickly I got it back it couldn't have been that much, right? 'And when it was going into him, he…he liked it. As if it felt really good… It doesn't affect me like that yet, but what if I become like him? What if I start to get – I dunno, _drunk_ on it? Whenever I accidentally use a bit, I always just feel really, _really_ angry and I don't know why…'

I wanted him to reply straight away and assure me that I wasn't evil in the slightest – that my power was kissed by Jesus Christ himself or whatever and that there was no way I would become like Paul, but he didn't exactly rush to pacify me.

'Firstly, I will stress that I am not qualified to give you these answers, Susannah,' he said after a moment of serious thought and intense staring. 'But I am qualified to offer what I believe is an educated opinion on the matter. I don't think that this power is evil. Not yours… and not even Paul's. I think it simply is what it is. How it is used is completely reliant on the person. You are innately a kind spirit, Susannah. Even though you may try to be… rebellious at times, you cannot escape your integrity and your desire to help others. And as much as I hate to say it, I have to accept that Paul isn't like you. I certainly have no intention of writing him off as pure evil, but…he's weak. He doesn't know what he wants.'

I frowned, but I could see what he meant. There definitely were moments when he lost his nerve. Those moments usually saved my life.

'From what you've told me, I still believe that there is good in him, but he's trying very hard to suppress it, because that would mean he has to feel the shame and pain that comes with committing horrible acts,' he reasoned wisely. 'He's trying very hard to prove to himself that he has no humanity left in him. I can understand why he would… Humanity hurts.'

'Like a bitch,' I agreed.

'Don't swear.'

'Sorry.'

'All right, now we need to move on, as we are running out of time. Inconveniently, I have to go greet three new sisters who are arriving at the Mission today. As much as I'd love to postpone it, I cannot, so we can have another hour here before you need to go at seven. So, the next thing I think would benefit you would be a mental barrier. This is something that I don't have the power to test, but I will tell you everything about the theory of it, hoping that you can pull it off when you need it most.'

Now that I had a time restraint, I started getting nervous. Why he couldn't have just blown off his commitments for ONE day? Not to be arrogant, but surely my life was a bit more important than simply saying hello to a few new recruits, right? I mean, anything he told me now could define whether I lived or died. That's kind of heavy.

Sensing my discomfort, he murmured another apology and jumped straight into the teachiness. 'All right, this kind of defence will guard you against anything that anyone may try to do to your mind, such as manipulating your thoughts or actions. If you can keep practicing this while around Paul, you should be able to resist any kind of psychological magic he attempts.'

Thank God. Now I could shove his "immobilising" mojo up his ASS.

'I'm ready,' I said.

'It's a lot harder than the physical barrier – '

'_I'm ready,_' I repeated loudly, my voice shaking more than necessary. 'I can do this.' I couldn't let him control me anymore… Before now, he'd only physically forced me to do things. I didn't even want to think of what would happen if he gained control over my mind.

Father Dom's face softened, before a fearful look tainted his pale features. 'Susannah…are you all right?'

I nodded quickly. 'Fine.'

'I imagine that you are several universes away from fine,' he inferred. 'You've got so much to deal with at the moment, losing Jesse and being followed by Paul – '

'_Followed_?' I laughed in a moment of indignation, before I realised that I was trying to keep that secret well guarded. I didn't think that was much of a giveaway, but I reconsidered that thought when I saw Father Dominic staring at me strangely.

'You say Paul forces you to spend time with him…' he said, his voice very thin. 'What does he make you do, Susannah?'

Oh my God.

'…Uh…' I shrugged. 'I dunno…learn gross shiftery stuff…'

All the blood in my body felt as if it were crystallising, tearing at the walls of my blood vessels, spilling throughout my body like a freezing toxic liquid that ached unbearably. I was so scared that comprehension would reach its fateful destination…

But he simply nodded. 'I'm sure that mustn't be pleasant.'

'It's totally not,' I babbled quickly, eager to change the topic dramatically. 'So, mental barriers, huh?'

The next forty minutes were dedicated to my learning of how to fend off external influences on my mind. Father Dom mentioned that he'd read somewhere of shifters being able to access memories at will inside the minds of others. I shuffled guiltily, not willing to reveal that it was via this particular power that I'd witnessed him and his girlfriend going at it…

No one wants to feel mentally violated like that, ya know?

Especially by their seventeen year old student.

I also learnt the theory of something I'd been able to do before anyway – move things with my mind, whether they were people or otherwise. That explained how I was able to blast Paul back all the time. I told Father Dom how I'd been able to make things explode, like picture frames and stuff, and he said didn't look surprised – apparently, all I had to do was visualise the glass particles separating and they'd come apart immediately.

Before I left, I asked him, 'Why did you study all of this for so long if it became clear that you didn't have the power to do any of this stuff?'

He sighed.

'I refused to believe that it wasn't within my power to bring Lily back to me,' he said helplessly. I loved her too much to dismiss her like that in my heart.'

'Do you still love her? Even after all this time – after what you think she did?'

'Susannah, you need to go now. The sisters will be arriving any moment, and I need to at least pretend I was prepared for their arrival –'

'She's still in love with you too, you know,' I said.

He couldn't hold my gaze any longer.

-F&I-

'Did he say anything about me?' Lily implored, looking as if the wrong answer would cost her.

'Er…' I mumbled something incoherent that had us both going, '…What?'

She groaned. 'Gosh, this is torture. I don't understand what I'm to do, Suze. There's no point in staying. Even if he did one day stop hating me, there's nothing for us anymore. Any chance of us having…_anything_, well, it died a long time ago. Yet I can't leave like I did last time, because… I just couldn't do that again. There just doesn't seem to be much keeping me here...'

I pouted. God, I did not envy those two. The single and only consolation of mine and Jesse's awful predicament was that, despite everything, I knew that he still loved me. Mind you, I wasn't sure how long those feelings would last since he was certainly going mad in that place, the Forgotten Plane. I _hated_ him being stuck there with only his escalating insanity to keep him company. What would happen when the Plane started affecting him even more? Would he forget me? What if I appeared there the next time I had a transporting dream, and he just stared at me cluelessly, before asking, '_I'm sorry…do I know you…?'_

I'd die…

'Things might get better,' I attempted lamely, knowing perfectly well that, short of a big time travelling miracle, nothing could fix _their_ problems. And since I had neither a Flux Capacitor, a big red phone booth called Tardis nor a Time Turner, I doubted I'd be able to aid them in that department, which made me feel entirely useless.

'I'm sorry you're stuck in here,' I said sadly. 'I wish there was a way you could get a chance to get out of this room and be safe, but I'm just scared that the minute you do, he'll know…'

'It's okay,' Lily shrugged. 'I don't want to cause you any more trouble than I need to – you've got enough to deal with, heaven knows.'

'Do you want me to get you any more books?' I asked. I looked at the large pile she'd already gone through in her desire for distraction.

She shook her head. 'No… I'm fine…'

I sighed. She was just saying that because she thought that she was bothering me, which she SO wasn't. I knew what she was going through and I wanted to make it as painless as I could, if only she'd let me.

I'd spent the whole day at the beach, laying on the sand in one of the quieter areas. I was hoping that it'd be another hot spot for a Jesse Dream, since they seemed to occur whenever I was in a place to which he'd been strongly connected, but no such luck. It felt strange to be laying on the sand beneath the beating sun…it was as if horrible deals with evil men couldn't have possibly existed, and heartbroken misery so painful that it reduced ghostly women to nearly complete silence seemed ridiculous. The longer I stayed at the beach, though, the more disconnected I felt with it, like I didn't belong there anymore.

I lived in a darker world these days.

'Hey,' I said to Lily, glancing at her on my window seat. She raised her eyebrows a little, but otherwise didn't acknowledge me. 'I'm just gonna go hang out on the roof for a little bit, all right?'

'Don't fall…' she whispered, running her rand through her blond curls. 'It'll only hurt more if you fall…'

Something told me she wasn't talking about the ceiling.

'I'll be careful,' I declared.

Delicately, I unlatched the window and pushed the doors open before crawling out onto my sorry excuse of a balcony. With a little wave goodbye to the faintly glowing girl sitting inside, I grabbed the ledge of the rooftop and hauled myself up. My arms were a little shakier than they usually were. I guess I had less faith in my ability to lift myself up these days…

Once I was finally on the top, I sat down on the tiles and laid back, allowing the coldness of the night to drift over my skin. The air was very still tonight, hanging in the air like it was in suspense, waiting for something to happen.

I wish I could have just willed myself to fall asleep right there. Here had been one of the places that Jesse and I had been closest. Here was where he had called me innocent. Maybe if I dreamt of him here, it'd prove that that had been – and still was, to an extent – true. Oh man, how I longed to return to the days where living was simple and loving was heaven…

'Jesse…' I whispered, my eyes gently closed. 'Where are you…?'

'I'm here.'

My eyes snapped open in zeal, impatient to be swallowed by those amazing inky irises –

– Only, it wasn't _his_ eyes that were floating inches above my own.

These were the coldest eyes I'd ever known.

Paul smirked.

'_Miss me_?'

My scream was stifled by the handkerchief he shoved against my lips and nose, which made everything suddenly feel very…heavy…

-F&I-

I knew I was asleep. Beyond the deepness of my unconsciousness, I had the awareness that I was asleep, and had been rendered that way unnaturally. My mind didn't voice the words of accusation, but I could just…feel it. An infectious uneasiness echoed through my existence, whispering in my mind that I needed to wake, that I needed to get out…

But I felt so faint…

Strangely enough, the thing that brought me back was a strange wet sensation on my hands. For a moment of oblivious dazedness, I tried to pinpoint what it was. All I knew what that it was tickling my fingers, but I didn't know exactly what it was –

My eyes fluttered open groggily, unwillingly drinking in the scene around me. It was very dark, save the flickering candles to my right. I realised that I was in pain, and it took me a moment to realise that my hands were bound behind me around something tall and cold, like a pillar. I glowered, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. My arms ached from being at such an odd angle. Then, I felt that wet sensation again, before realising that it was a tiny little tongue flitting against my fingers. I was just about to jerk away in disgust when I heard a soft mewing sound, making me go still as I strained to listen to it. I wriggled my fingers, and small teeth gently nibbled them, whining a little more.

Making a clicking noise with my tongue, I tried to draw the little biter from its hidden place behind me. Curiously, a little head poked from around the pillar, coming slowly to investigate what was making the noise. I noticed the twitching ears and smiled mushily.

'Hello kitty…' I breathed.

It stared at me with perfectly round, black eyes. It looked only a few weeks old. White fur surrounded its pink nose, the rest a pale grey colour. I watched it in fascination for a few moments as it pressed its head against my leg, before climbing onto my lap and resting there, shaking softly.

I looked around, trying to identify where I was. I recognised this place, but I couldn't be sure of exactly where it was –

A door slammed thunderously, causing the kitten to mewl in alarm and pelt into the darkness. I whipped my head around, trying to see where the noise had come from.

'Help!' I called urgently. 'Is – is somebody there?'

'Finally, Sleeping Beauty wakes…' Paul's voice said softly from behind me. 'All the kisses in the world couldn't have awakened her before…'

'Where _am_ I, you son of a bitch?' I snarled, yanking at my bonds savagely – to my own detriment; they were very tight, and it almost broke my wrists.

Paul laughed, coming to stand in front of me. From down on the floor, he looked massively tall. 'I guess you wouldn't be too familiar with this place, since you're not exactly God's Golden Girl…'

Squinting around, I strained my eyes to see if I recognised the large structure hanging behind Paul's head. It was starting to become clear –

Crucifix.

'We're in…the Mission chapel,' I said slowly.

'Very good…' he commended with a devious smirk.

I started breathing harder. I hated not having my hands. And besides, I wouldn't be able to pull off that physical barrier thing that Father Dominic had spent so long teaching me this morning. Something told me that I was really going to need it, too. Paul was simply emanating with dangerous excitement. Something big was going down, and he wanted me to watch it without interfering…

I had to ask one of my most abhorrent questions. '…What are you doing?' I demanded. 'And what the hell did you bring me here with?'

'Handkerchief stained with chloroform,' he replied cheerfully. 'I must pay my respects to the classics, after all. I was wondering when you were going to recover from it.'

'You're disgusting,' I snapped. 'You practically _drugged_ me to get me here?'

'I was a lot less painless for the both of us,' he said simply. 'Anyway, it's getting late so we ought to start now… I don't know how long it will take…'

A piteous meowing sounded from a few feet away, and Paul's eyes, flickering sinisterly in the candlelight, slid away from my gaze for the first time. He inclined his head and grinned. 'Oh yeah… I got you a present… I hope you like her.'

He turned away from my and called the kitten over, gently clicking his fingers. Hesitantly, she crept over, locking her eyes on Paul's hand. He crouched down and the kitty sniffed his knuckles warily before pressing her head against them. Paul chuckled. 'Do you want to name her?'

'No,' I said.

Looking too pleased with himself to be put out by my lack of cooperation, he said, 'Fine, be that way.' He picked her up gently and cradled her in his arms, stroking her on the top of her head. 'How about we call her… Snookums.'

I rolled my eyes.

'Yeah,' he agreed with my response, 'Don't want her to get beaten up by the bigger cats for lunch money… What about…Dakota?'

I just stared at him strangely. Why was he doing this? I mean…okay, it was bizarre enough that he'd bought me a kitten – something I would have loathed had it not been for the fact that a pet wouldn't have known the wicked intentions of the person who purchased it – but why was he playing the name game now? Was it really the time?

He smiled, staring at the tiny baby cat with a look of something like affection. 'No, I don't like that either. Ah, I know,' he said quickly, letting the kitten playfully bite his fingers. She purred happily. 'What do you think of Ophelia, Suze?'

'I don't care,' I replied stiffly, determined to pretend that his gesture hadn't touched me in the slightest, and that the kitten wasn't the most adorable thing since ever.

He nodded. 'Ophelia it is, then. Hopefully she won't live up to her namesake. I'd keep her away from lakes if I were you.'

'Whatever.'

Starting to get irritated with my standoffishness, he turned his attentions back to me as he released the little kitten - Ophelia. With lively grace, she darted over to one of the pews that Paul had shoved aside.

'Someone's in a bad mood,' he observed, moving so he was astride my legs, sitting up on his knees and looking down at me.

'Maybe it's the whole shoving-a-drugged-hanky-against-my-face thing that's got me in a sour mood,' I suggested. 'Or, you know, there's always that little thing about you handcuffing me to a pillar, which hurts a lot more than I expected, actually – '

'Allow me to try and…raise your spirits then,' he muttered, his hands straying to either side of my face and holding my head still as he bent down and kissed me deeply. I became rigid beneath him, trying to twist away but this time I didn't have any available arms to shove or slap, something he noticed with gladness.

'Wow,' he breathed heavily after a moment, 'I should've tied you up ages ago…'

'Don't touch me, you fu – '

'You're right,' he nodded firmly, 'There's too much to do tonight to get distracted by the pretty girl, even if she is chained down, screaming with vulnerability...' Halfway through that speech, he looked as if he was perfectly happy to get distracted, but then decided against it. 'All right, Suze, it's almost time…'

'Time for what?'

I was ignored as he finally got off of me before he wandered to somewhere beyond my peripheral vision, picking up a bag of things that jangled like glass objects clanging against each other gently. My head flitted around desperately, trying to suss out this situation. Dread pumped steadily though my veins.

He began retrieving tiny glowing jars from his bag and placing them at equal intervals in a circle around me of which I wasn't quite central. Only when he pulled out the seventh and final one did I realise what they were –

…They were the jars that he trapped his captured ghosts inside of.

This was it. This was that huge thing he'd been working towards. God, just a few nights ago he'd only had ONE ghost – now he had all seven! Oh shit, this was bad…

He reached inside the bag again, this time withdrawing what looked like a spool of thin, aged rope. With it, he started zigzagging around the area until he'd formed a seven point star. Then, he finished by going around all the edges once, completing the circle.

'Paul,' my voice was teetering on urgency now, 'Tell me what the hell is going on.'

'I told you ages ago,' he said, his tone reeking with satisfaction and dramatic irony, 'I'm making a call to someone who can help me with my…situation.'

'What situation?' I asked quickly, hoping to draw his attention away from his task.

'_You_, of course,' he said as if it were obvious. 'It's always you, isn't it...?'

There had been a definite bitterness in his words.

'You're…summoning something to kill me?' I winced.

Oh, great. What a loser. He couldn't even do it himself.

'_No_,' he replied, sounding a little shocked. 'No, I wouldn't – ' His sentence snapped off when he realised what was on my mind after that comment – that he'd been so close to ending me just the other night, with his hands gripped around my throat, squeezing the life out of me.

'…Not kill you,' he muttered, returning doggedly to his setting up. Now, he was lighting more candles so they each stood beside the essence-filled jars. 'You just need fixing, is all…'

I need _what_?

'I am _not_ broken!' I shouted. 'Come on, Paul. This isn't going to work, whatever the hell you've got planned – '

'That's the thing…it really is,' he hissed. 'It's never failed before…'

He'd finished the final candle now. He turned back to face me, staring at the lighter in his hand. 'So…this is it then…'

I gasped for breath. 'Don't do this.'

'I think a little lift is in order,' he muttered to himself, his eyes on me hungrily. He resumed his previous position, mounting me and leaning down until his lips lingered less than an inch from mine. I felt his hot breath flutter my hair, and he stroked the side of my face. 'Let me taste you again…'

Confusion only had me for a moment as he pressed his mouth against mine, stealing an intrusive kiss from me. I moaned into his mouth in pain, and he grinned against my lips. Once again, he was gripping my head so I couldn't turn away.

– And suddenly, his fingers lowered to my shoulders, biting savagely into my skin and my muscles tensed beneath him in wild pain that devastated my entire body. He was siphoning away my power again. I tried to scream, tried to create a physical barrier but I didn't have the energy. I could feel myself draining, feel my consciousness sliding and my will to keep fighting him was dwindling severely. It was excruciating. I twisted jerkily beneath his greedy kiss as he breathed in my power. His nails dug further into me, breaking the skin. I tried screaming, tried everything to stop it from happening until I couldn't…I could barely breathe, and he'd shoved me away from him, because he'd drank everything that he could get.

My body sagged to the side as much as my restraints would allow. I'd never known such awful pain in my head, like someone was bashing a hammer relentlessly on the back of skull. In reality, it was just blood pounding.

The feelings of near-blindness, of dizziness and pain, and of a complete lack of energy didn't last that long. Within moments, my limbs began tingling madly again as I summoned more power back to me. It combated the pain effectively. My vision returned and I glanced wearily back to Paul who stood above me, one hand clawed against the pole as he inhaled deeply, shuddering with thrill.

'You're…amazing…' he groaned in the most pleasured voice I'd ever heard from anyone. It disturbed me greatly. 'This…feels…oh my fucking God…'

He stumbled away from me, trying to breathe but instead just laughing manically, rubbing his hands along his sweaty face. I stared in horror. Why did my power affect him like this? Like it was the perfect drug?

'God, I'll never get bored with you,' his voice was low and shaky, his sentences incoherent. 'Just when I think…and then you…how do you not feel it? How are you _not_ on a permanent high? I mean, my power feels…but _yours…_' he groaned again, sinking down before me and staring with passion filled eyes.

'I'm _so_ glad I tasted your power that other night…I never knew anything could feel this _good_…' He kissed me roughly, sliding his hands up my sides. I remained totally unresponsive beneath him. I could feel him searching for more power, but his mind was too disconnected to find anything. Moments passed before he finally collected himself again. 'Sorry,' he apologised for his intoxication, 'I really need to stop taking so much of you. You can barely breathe when I'm done. One day, I'm going to go too far…'

'Stay…away from me…'

He laughed loudly. 'Not a chance, Susie. I think I'm becoming quite the addict…'

With a sharp kiss, he finally got off again and wandered to the middle of the circle again. 'Right, back to business. Oh, by the way…where did your little present go? Ophelia,' he called, looking around the church. 'Here, puss…'

The petite form ran over to him, smelling his fingers more eagerly this time now that they still hummed with the excess of my power that he'd stolen. He knelt down and picked up the kitten by the back of its neck. I watched him intently. What was with all these little bonding sessions? Surely this could wait till later…

'She's so soft,' he told me, petting her warmly. A look of regret flickered across his face. 'Such a pity…'

And with a rapid arch of his arm, he'd plunged his knife downward.

_I screamed_.

'NO!' My shriek was strident, piercing the silence of the church. I tried to screw my eyes shut to protect me from the grotesque sight, but horror had me sickly enthralled. Ophelia's screams were shrill at first before they faded to tiny whines of pain. My lungs were dysfunctional. Paul held the still moving little kitten over the intersection of the seven bits of rope until thick red blood started sliding from the body down his arms, dripping from his elbows onto the rope.

A strange thing happened.

The second the blood touched the fabrics in the rope, the white cord turned a shocking blood red and the dreadful colour travelled at a staggering speed around the circle until the entire encircled star was bleeding. As soon as it was done, Paul dropped the body in disgust, flicking his hands as drops of blood flew from his fingers. His arms were drenched, stained with the slaughter. I wept pitifully…

'No…'

Paul's voice was wavering as he started chanting. 'Gabriel, Corruptor of Innocence, I beseech you come before me and accept my sacrifice. In your name, I slay an innocent life…'

'You're fucking sick,' I spat, trying to jerk away from the pillar but the handcuffs wouldn't give at all.

'Gabriel, Corruptor of Innocence, I beseech you come before me and accept my sacrifice,' he repeated. 'In your name, I offer the essence of seven for your pleasure.'

'PAUL, STOP IT!' I screamed furiously. I was shaking like hell, and my skin had turned to ice. 'I SAID _STOP IT!_'

His look darkened as he glared over towards me, telling me with harsh eyes to shut up.

'Gabriel, Corruptor of Innocence, I beseech you, come before me and accept my sacrifice. With your service, I aspire corrupt a mortal soul of innocence and morality… Take her, bend her, twist her, change her. Deliver her to me…'

The candles flickered dangerously. I panted hotly, my lip quivering as Paul wiped sweat from his forehead. Blood was smeared across his skin. Suddenly, red light began pouring from the heat of the candles, travelling along the star across the ground. Each time it hit a point of the star, the jar at that position shattered in an explosion of glass and white mist, and the foggy shape of the ghosts within emerged one by one. As the seventh ghost erupted, Paul raised a balled fist, muttering something under his breath.

'They are yours,' he hissed, opening his palm suddenly. A tiny iron bullet-like object hovered over his outstretched fingers, before zooming directly at the young male ghost in front of him, puncturing him cleanly in the chest before shooting to the second, then the third, piercing them one by one straight through the heart until they began to disintegrate into a monstrous, shadowy nothing as if their flesh were being eaten away by acid. Their screams echoed horribly throughout the area, ringing in my ears.

As they vanished into oblivion, potent black smoke started swirling around the outside of our circle. I buried my face against my shoulder, trying desperately not to breathe it in. Air particles around me seemed to vibrate with the knowledge that someone who didn't belong here was coming…

And with a thunderous roar, the smoke cleared to reveal a glowing red figure towering over Paul.

My eyes widened as I absorbed this intruder. He was tall with long, fair hair tied back by a strip of black cord, wearing what looked like a tuxedo from hell. It was royal blue in colour, but looked burnt and nightmarish around the edges as if demons had fashioned it together. As he turned, I saw that there were no whites in his eyes – only black. It made me gasp, a noise that intrigued this shadowy character. He spun sharply towards me.

His lips curved into a smile.

'Well, at least you had a good reason for summoning me into this disgusting sinner's sanctuary…' he growled, his pitch eyes dancing.

'Suze,' Paul grinned, ecstatic that his ritual had bore such wonderful fruits, 'Meet the Corrupter.'

-F&I-

_**Please review.**_

**P.S. Lolly did well in her exams, if anyone cares. That is to say, she didn't fail any. Her lowest was 68 percent (Human Bio, ugh,) and her highest was Art at – wait for it – 94!**

**I know. I'm sure the teacher was on something. **

**But we won't complain…**

– _**Love you all.**_


	19. Thing of Evil

I couldn't figure out how old he was...

His face looked young at one glanced, and old at another. And his eyes... his eyes were _ancient_.

There was something... unearthly about him. This was a guy who would never enter a room without turning heads. He could never slip into a place easily unnoticed. Though, I suspected, this guy never would want to. It wasn't an attractive thing as such, just this…air about him. It made your stomach tighten that little bit in anxiety, and your mouth go dry with the foreknowledge that something bad was going to happen…

Gabriel.

That name echoed emptily inside my head. I could already hear the sickly sweet irony sing-songing at me. Names like that did not belong to men like the one in front of me.

And his eyes were pointed right at me.

I gulped down hard but kept my steely gaze. I didn't want this guy thinking he had something over me. He was not going to intimidate me. Not one little bit

Paul stood up a little straighter as the Corrupter drew closer to me, his hellishly black eyes flickering with curiosity. 'Hey – you there,' Paul coughed importantly, trying to divert his attention away from me. 'Hello? Uh, yeah.' His nose wrinkled in mild irritation when the Corrupter took his time turning around, meeting Paul's gaze lazily. 'I thought we could start of with some introductions, and all. You're probably wondering why I – '

'I know why I am here, boy,' he drawled, his lips twitching into the trace of a grin. 'Your mind screams your intentions to me…'

Shit. A _mind_-reader. God, this sucked.

Paul shifted uncomfortably. 'Oh. Okay. Well, I'm Paul Slater. I'm a very capable dark shifter, and I have brought you forth to do a little job for me – '

But the Corrupter had already spun back to me and was watching me once again with fascination. He closed his eyes luxuriously. Paul's words fell on uninterested ears.

'This room,' he hissed, breathing in deeply with a gratified look, 'it simply _sizzles_ with energy…'

Paul looked smug. 'I told you I was powerful.'

The man's eyes snapped open and stared at Paul with such dark intensity that even _I_ shrank away, and I wasn't the one who was under such a heavy gaze. Paul, however, kept his expression cool.

'The girl is Suze,' he announced, as if he didn't want the Corrupter to make much of it.

As if he'd been given permission to once again turn his attention in my direction, the man's head twisted so he was once again looking at me. 'No…she is…_Virva_…'

Despite my fear, I snapped back. 'Um, no, I'm pretty sure it's Suze. Just a little thing you pick up when people call you that for seventeen years.'

'People lie,' he shrugged. Finally, he turned back to Paul fully, done getting an eyeful. 'Tell me, boy…what makes you think you have the right to summon the likes of me to your service?'

Paul's face darkened. In reply to this, he snapped his fingers angrily and on command, an orb of fire materialised, hovering menacingly above his hand. He aimed it at the Corrupter.

'Is that a threat, boy?' his fearless victim smiled.

'Interpret it how you like,' Paul's tones were clipped. 'Maybe it's just an exhibition that you're not dealing with a little "_boy_." I choose to think that it's the beginning of a beautiful collaboration between us, personally. Not to mention…I've read about you, and I assumed you'd be interested in what I have to offer. Surely this project intrigues you?' he jerked his head at me.

'You _are_ a boy,' the Corrupter laughed softly. 'I can see inside your thoughts…what you plan for the girl beyond what I do confirms this. Only a foolish mortal would be so obsessed with such trivial pleasures.'

'You have _plans_ for me?' I spat at Paul, furious in my apprehension. 'Why was I not informed of this?'

Paul was peeved. The globe of fire enlarged slightly in his hand and his eyes narrowed at his summoned guest. 'Will you work for me, or not?'

'What a large cloak you wear, child… this hangs loose about you like a giant's robe,' he said. Since Paul certainly was not wearing a robe of any sort, I could only assume that this quote was a jab at Paul's attempt to be the alpha male in the room. The eighteen year old swelled in anger and was about to bite back, but suddenly, the Corrupter's face broke into a large smile. 'Oh, calm yourself already, I accept you offer. And I cannot deny that it _was_ a very enticing offer…'

Paul finally loosened up. He extinguished his hostile fireball and shook his hand.

'What's going on?' I demanded of either of them. My heart stammered nervously throughout their entire exchange and now that a decision had been arrived at, I felt like I'd just been given a death sentence.

The Corrupter blinked, his eyes of darkest ink considering me once again. 'She has spirit,' he commented in approval.

'I guess you'll enjoy killing it,' Paul grinned.

An involuntary sound slid from my throat, and I looked at Paul in panic. This only made him laugh at me, a very hard and vengeful look coming to his eyes. 'So, Gabriel, do you – can I call you Gabe?' he asked quickly, ignoring the answer. Now he'd finally 'forced' the Corrupter to serve him, in his eyes, his arrogance returned. 'When do you think we can start this little process?'

'Now, if you wish,' came the reply that squeezed my heart. 'I can't imagine it will take very long…she doesn't look like she'd put up much of a fight. I can see already how you've begun to break her down.'

Paul took this as a compliment, and puffed out his chest proudly. 'Yeah, but I supposed I needed a little help to give her that final push – my methods weren't finishing the job.'

Disgusted, I snarled, 'Don't believe for a _second_ that you had METHODS, Paul. What you did was purely self-indulgent.'

'Shut up, Suze,' he retorted, treating me as if I was just some thing, some nuisance that was interrupting his conversation. It stung me. I mean…even if he'd taken away my dignity in the past, he'd always shown me a little respect in some form, whether it was apologising for things or bothering to explain his plans to me. Now, it was as if I just didn't matter anymore.

That was scary.

Suddenly, a nasty thought occurred to me. What if Gabriel the Corrupter was like…an Angel of Death or something that Paul had hired to take me earlier than expected or something? What if Paul was too much of a wimp to actually do the job himself, and he was trying to find some other way to kill me?

I swallowed, and the Corrupter chuckled appreciatively, obviously tuning into my fearful musings.

'I think we should relocate to my house,' Paul suggested, looking around at the messy chapel in distaste. 'We'll have a guarantee that no one will dare interrupt us there.' Without waiting for consent from either of us, Paul dematerialised, only to appear seconds later behind me – a presence that made itself known when hot fingers gripped my chained wrists hard. A swift sensation sank over me and I could feel myself tingling horribly as he shifted the both of us away from the chapel.

As soon as my body had reappeared in a room of his house that I did not recognise, I suddenly felt two hands in the small of my back shoving me into the corner. I collided with the wall, scraping my shoulder. 'What the HELL was that for – '

A swirl of black smoke spiralled from the ground quickly, and the form of the Corrupter arrived on scene once again, glancing around the room – definitely a basement.

Sweat was making my pale face shiny with dread.

I didn't know what I was about to face – this _process_ that they had both cryptically referred to – but I knew that it would not be pleasant. As Paul made a move towards me, I flattened myself against the wall hastily. 'Wait!' I cried, my voice disturbingly high.

Paul paused, his eyes cold.

'Just…tell me what's going to happen,' I begged, before a hard edge came to me voice. 'You owe me _that_ much, you asshole.'

'I owe you nothing,' he said disdainfully, but the Corrupter clicked his tongue in disagreement.

'Now, boy, play nicely…and besides, there's no joy in a surprise attack anymore. I will tell my _Virva_ all that I plan to do to her…'

I sucked in a breath. '…Are you going to kill me?'

'Don't be stupid,' Paul snapped at me. 'Why would I get him to do what I could in a heartbeat?'

'Yeah, we saw how successful that turned out in the graveyard,' I taunted.

His nostrils flared. 'I was interrupted.'

'You were weak!' I fired back hatefully.

The Corrupter laughed to himself again, observing our row with mild amusement. Paul's head twisted irately towards him and he threw his hand in my direction, dismissing me. 'Just get on with it…'

'Get on with WHAT?' I wailed, ready to launch myself at him, but an answer soon began drifting from thin, smiling lips.

'He asks that I change you,' the man crossed his arms complacently. He was so tall, like a dark tower of sophisticated threat. His ageless eyes held no pity or affection, and I got the impression that he was only humouring Paul by allowing him to play Fuhrer, when he really didn't think that much of him at all. 'He believes that what he feels for you is genuine love and that the only obstacle in your reciprocation is that you see him as a _thing of evil_…'

He broke off and laughed lazily, as if he found this quite funny.

'And so, dear _Virva_, my role in this amusing game is to distort your perception on morality and fill you to the brim with corruption, razing all remnants of goodness left within your soul. I will kill all of your innocence.' He tilted his head, anticipating my reaction.

Coldness washed over me in a sea of icy dead hands.

'M-my innocence?' I stuttered. '…How?'

He looked pleased with my fear. 'A brief process, in your case. First, I manipulate you into selfishness. Secondly, I desensitise you to violence, and thirdly, I teach you to love cruelty,' he responded.

'I won't let you…'

'You don't have a choice in the matter,' Paul snapped.

I stared at him in horror, struggling to conceive that my very being was about to be destroyed. '…You're really going to let this happen to me?'

'One assumes so, as he is the one demanding the Corruption,' Gabriel quirked an eyebrow idly. 'I cannot say that I anticipate much success…'

Paul's face turned to thunder. 'What's _that_ supposed to mean?' he growled hotly. 'Can you not do as you say? What good are you then?'

The man's long, fair hair caught the dim light in the cheerless room and he rolled his eyes, amused by Paul's temper. 'You are asking me to change her for you, assuming it is with _her_ that the problem lies...'

'It is,' Paul said in a voice that loudly told the Corrupter he wanted to hear no more of his opinions on the subject. 'Now do your damned job.'

Gabriel sighed. 'Children are so impatient…' he muttered to himself, shrugging and advancing on me. 'Don't chide me for not warning you, boy.'

'You stay the _hell_ away from me!' I spat, acidic, getting ready to kick his ass if he tried to touch me. There was NO way he was having a party with what was left of my innocence, whatever that was. Suddenly it seemed like a tangible thing that this creature could stick his hand through my very chest and search about my internal organs until he yanked it out. What he'd promised to do to me terrified me beyond reason. Killing me was one thing, but…changing how I thought completely? Turning me into…Paul?

I couldn't deal with that.

'Do I have to knock you out for this?' Paul threatened, balling his fist angrily. I gasped.

If there was one thing that scared me more than Paul Slater, it was becoming him.

As he lunged at me, I swiftly evaded him, preparing to fight for my life but such preparations proved unnecessary as Gabriel groaned boredly instead just locked his eyes on me –

- And I went still.

A wordless voice told me to stand up straight and it was irresistible. The urge to fight breathed its last...

Paul blinked in confusion, before looking quickly at Gabriel. 'You did – '

'As inconsequential as your time may be, mine is priceless,' he broke in, frustration finally entering his voice. 'I don't expect this to take long…'

He moved in, and his presence utterly consumed me. I choked on the pounding force, my whole body sensing his control over me. He didn't seem to be enjoying this power quite as much as Paul would have – to have me do whatever he wanted would have been a trick that he'd have pulled at any opportunity, I'm sure. Instead Gabriel found it convenient. I doubted that he was accustomed to many people defying him.

I was burning to shout more profanities at Paul for sinking this low, but my thoughts were intercepted and were altered to nothing but subservience. His proximity was unbearable; his hands rose to linger on either side of my head and he closed his eyes in concentration.

Desperately, I visualised my head being protected by a bubble. I know that it wouldn't stop his hands from inevitably coming into contact with me, but I hoped that it would protect my mind from his invasion. My faith was pretty poor, though. I'd only practiced this a little with Father Dominic this morning, and I hadn't exactly been rehearsing the skill with any actual mental attacks raining upon me like they were. I could feel parts of my body being willed by external forces and it _hurt_. It was helplessness like I'd never felt it before, and I hated it.

His fingers began siphoning things from my mind, making his brow furrow. I plunged the little space for thought that I had left, envisioning my protective bubble surrounding my head, fending him off.

I hoped to God that this bubble wouldn't pop…

…The second his fingers game into contact with my temples, the Corrupter was blasted back violently.

I scrambled away, panting. Only now did I realise how breathless and panicky I was, now that I had my own choice again.

'What happened?' Paul demanded.

In the opposite corner of the room, Gabriel lay sprawled on the ground, grunting in surprised pain. When he say up, he stared at his hands in wonder and then back at me.

His face went a little paler.

'…I underestimated your girl,' he said in a choked voice to Paul, looking distinctly uncomfortable. 'She may require me to…exert a little more effort than I'd planned…'

Paul scowled ferociously. '_I _could have told you that! Why do you think I summoned you? She's stronger than she looks.'

The man rose to his feet slowly, staring strangely at me in the most disturbed way. Some kind of realisation had his face alight.

'I will return…' Gabriel hissed, turning on his heel and dissolving into wisps of black.

I staggered into a standing position and glared at Paul, breathing hard again and blowing a lock of hair away from my face. 'You have no idea how badly I'm going to thump you,' I said, my voice low and dangerous.

Paul ignored me, instead snarling in fury and slamming his fist against the brick wall. 'For God's sake, is there _no_ good help available these days?'

'YOU WANTED HIM TO FUCK WITH MY MIND!' I roared, seizing his shoulders and shaking him aggressively. Paul shoved me away but I would not be put aside so easily in my rage. 'No!' I spat, laying a big fat one on his face. The force tore his skin. 'Paul, _why_? I don't understand – if you want me so badly, why are you opting to change me into a completely different person? Why not just go out and find someone as evil as you apparently want me to be?'

'Because it's not _you_!' he yelled, pressing his hand to his cheek in pain. Blood slid between his fingers. 'I don't want anyone else – '

'Well tough luck!' I screamed. 'I can't _believe_ you'd do this to me – change everything about me just to suit YOU. Who knows what will be left of me after this "process" is over? What if I don't even resemble me anymore?'

'At least then you'll be able to love me…' he reasoned in cold triumph.

I threw another fist at his face, but he caught it and twisted it viciously, making me yelp in pain.

'For so long it's been Jesse _this_ and Jesse _that_ – "you're not as good as Jesse!" Well, I figured if I modified your very character, then that would change what you valued and consequently, who you chose to love,' he revealed savagely. 'If you became as evil as I am – '

'Oh shut UP!' I urged. 'Paul – I don't care what you say, but you are _not_ evil. Evil people at least demand a little respect…you're just a scared, _weak_ little boy who's so used to getting what he wants, chasing after power that you're not _worthy_ of – '

He slapped me, hard.

'I hate hurting you…' he whispered. 'It kills me, Suze. If you change…you won't say these things. And I won't have to do this anymore…'

My vision swam from the blow.

'No matter what happens to me,' I said, my voice shaking horribly. I kept my hateful eyes drilled to his, so he understood the rigid sincerity of my words, 'No matter how much my mind is warped, or even if I for some reason stop loving Jesse as a terrible result of this, I can promise you something, Paul… You are too ridiculous to _ever_ deserve my love.'

I was hungry for his response to this – I wanted to feed off of his pain, to know what he felt upon hearing these words of ultimate refusal. I waited for his angry reply, but instead I saw the smallest flash of vulnerability in his pale blue eyes. His face was ashen from the argument.

My curiosity was aroused immensely by this reaction, and just as I was about to pursue this pathway of weakness, I suddenly felt a jerking feeling within my entire body as if my essence was being sucked out.

With a final snap, I was disconnected…only to suddenly merge with Paul.

…I'd entered his mind.

-F&I-

'Hi, I'm the, uh, babysitter…?' a nervous voice announced.

I felt my body tense a little at the sound. My interest had been piqued, and I turned my head away from the mindlessness of the television into the direction of that voice.

At the doorway, a tall, slim brunette girl stood uncertainly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

_**Wow.**_

I stood up, a large smile stretching over my face. A woman – my mother – was chatting warmly with the girl about her son Jack, and how he was a little…peculiar.

'That's one word for it,' I said, trying to keep all snideness out of my voice. I just wanted to make her laugh.

She did, albeit a little weakly.

_**Say something funnier next time, idiot.**_

'So, we should be back around four-thirty…is that all right?' the woman beside me babbled happily. The girl nodded, her eyes flickering a little uncomfortably to me. She was very aware of my presence…

_**She's checking me out. Oh, this is too good. I feel a summer fling comin' on…**_

My mother insisted she'd go fetch Jack and asked me to tend to "Suze." I assured her that Suze would be tended to very well.

The girl flushed prettily at these words, and stared at her hands. She tossed her hair and looked me in the eye.

_**I love green eyes.**_

'Pleasure to meet you, Suze,' I grinned, showing my white teeth. I stuck out my hand. 'I'm Paul Slater.'

'Susannah Simon,' she replied politely, accepting my hand –

The moment she did, I felt it as much as he did…that tingle of recognition that this person was going to be important, one day. My hand burned pleasantly from her touch.

_**Whoa - what the hell was that?**_

Only she didn't seem to be affected by it at all. She withdrew her hand, smiling timidly.

_**Her smile is amazing…**_

The scene washed away, the hotel walls merging seamlessly into a cold, black world of fog and darkness. My nose throbbed as I glared before me as the girl stood loyally beside a pitifully glowing ghost. My skin seared in hatred of him, of what he had. I didn't just want him gone from existence – I wanted…I _needed_ him to suffer for this. He'd tried to steal away this living girl from me when I so rightfully deserved her.

Why should _he_ deserve this perfection? What good would it have done him? He couldn't feel her heat. His heart couldn't pound in time with hers – she was so wasted on him. And yet, despite this terrible jealousy, a strange thought crossed her mind.

_**But…maybe he makes her happy**_…

That thought was destroyed a moment later by my arrant logic: _**But he's DEAD!**_

The hate refused to dissolve all the way into the next flash. Beneath my unclothed form, the girl trembled, the fear in her eyes ripping into my soul. I was scorching and freezing, all in the same moment. I was doing with her something I'd wanted for _so long…_

_**Is this what I spent all this time chasing after?**_

The voice in my head was bitterly disappointed.

The girl's undeniable terror – the tenseness of her body, the biting of her nails in my back…it killed the emotions that I tried desperately to feel in place of this misery, seeping into my existence like incense, pungent and strong. The pleasure I felt didn't go anywhere beyond what was physically happening. I was inside her, but…it didn't matter to me that it was her. I _wanted_ it to matter, but she wouldn't let me in…

_**I'm killing her.**_

I was too scared to look into her eyes. She'd see my love and would throw it back in my face with her hate. Her ice wouldn't melt under the passion of my fire – she would only return to her natural state when she was beneath another.

_**Why am I even bothering…?**_

Just as disgust began to rot my stomach, the candlelit scene around me disappeared – but she remained beneath me.

My hands gripped her neck.

_**It's such a small neck**_, the voice thought with amazement. _**If I just press a little harder, she'll stop moving completely…**_ A rush of satisfaction filled my body at that point. I wasn't sure if I wanted this girl to die or not, that was the problem. The insanity she inflicted upon me was unbearable. I loved her _so_ much but she rebuffed me at every display. I couldn't take it. My life would be so simple if she just…didn't exist.

I wanted to. Every nerve in my body wanted it. I yearned to feel her struggling form go limp beneath me. I craved that moment where my victory had been confirmed – where I'd truly claimed her. If I killed her, then he couldn't have her. I would be the last thing she'd see, and she'd have that memory forever…she'd be mine…

_**Just finish it.**_

The second my decision had been made, I felt myself being flung off – and not a moment too soon. Horror filled me as I frantically searched for her.

…I'd just decided to kill her.

_**Why?! Why would I kill what I love so much? **_I wanted to vomit. I wanted to purge my body – my soul, of this entity within me that craved her so much…that wanted to be the ultimate man that she could love with adoration, awe and utter faithfulness. I wanted to be her everything.

'Suze…' I breathed.

…That craving had nearly ended her life. I stared at my hands in accusation, wanting to cut them off for betraying me, giving me that powerful exhilaration of having them around her throat like that…

_**I'm evil…I'm evil…evil…**_

She was so pure…I wanted to bask in that purity, to let it save me…

_**God, please…help me…I don't want this…I want to be good…please, let me be –**_

Instantly, the thought died and I was left with disgust. Was I this weak? Did I flinch this easily? Had I not braved hundreds of shifting experiments, testing my strength of wills? And here I was, begging for forgiveness?

_**No wonder she won't love you. You're pathetic.**_

I needed to be better. Stronger. I'd force her to see that I was worthy of her. I was a man. I would not let these fears and weaknesses castrate me.

'…I'll bring you down with me, where you belong. In the dark,' I promised her. She wouldn't be above me. No longer would I give her that power. If I couldn't be good, I'd make her evil right along with me… it was where we shifters belonged –

– Suddenly, my essence shook violently, and I began to feel a separation between myself and that of this being. We split; his emotions were suddenly far away and I heard his voice, only now it was closer and much, _much _angrier.

'_**GET OUT!**_' it roared, savage.

I was caught in non-existence for a split second until I was propelled away, banding with a sickening twist back inside my body. Soon, kick upon kick landed squarely in my stomach, making me want to scream – if only I wasn't so quickly winded from the pain.

'How _dare _you _violate_ me like that,' he growled in absolute rage. I would have pedantically pointed out the hypocrisy of his statement, only I was under too heavy an assault to even breathe.

Abruptly, he stopped.

'How – ' he whispered, but then decided not to finish that question. 'You read me.'

I coughed in pain, wiping a smear of blood from the corner of my mouth. I could feel my abdomen swelling and bruising fast. I'd paid dearly for my accident.

'You're one twisted son of a bitch…' I breathed. My voice was too crackly for him to hear me this time which was surely for the best – there probably would have been another kick to the stomach earned by that.

My repulsed eyes flickered to his face which was white and shaken – not from his attack of me, but from what I'd just seen. No, he fully believed I'd deserved that attack.

'What did you see in – ' he went to ask again, but I could tell that he was too afraid to hear that answer. I'd just intruded on Paul's most innermost thoughts regarding me, and I felt violently ill after it…

'Get out of my sight…'

Eager to comply, I dashed from the basement and from his terrible glass house. He needed me out of there.

If I stayed, he feared that he'd kill me.

I knew that now.


	20. Playing God

The moment I walked into my room, an awful sight accosted me.

'Lily!' I shouted, running over to her. She was desperately trying to heave open my window, in a state of blind turmoil. 'Get off of me!' she shrilled, 'Suze, I need to get OUT of here – I can't breathe…I can't – '

'Calm down,' I ordered, trying to restrain her as she battled to get to the window again. 'Look, you know you can't leave – Paul will come after you again and – '

'I don't CARE!' she cried, her pretty face distorted with a mess of tears. 'I'm trapped in here, Suze. I already tried…I can't dematerialise out of here, and whenever I go near the door or window, white light stops me from leaving. Did _you_ do this? Or was it Dominic, trying to stop me from coming to see him? He didn't need to put me on a leash – I know very well where I'm not welcome – '

I shook her. 'Lily, just STOP.' In the shock of being manhandled, she went still.

Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair. 'I know this sucks. I'd hate to be cooped up in here for weeks on end. I'm really sorry that it's driving you mad, but…I'm doing the best I can to make sure no one gets hurt. I don't even know what I'm doing…'

Her eyes widened a little, and I quickly realised that I didn't sound like the fearless leader I was pretending to be. 'Which is not to say that this won't all work out great,' I babbled. 'I mean, yeah, it's dark at the moment, but it'll get better soon.'

God, this sounded like one of my motivational speeches regarding the renovations for STAB, and look how _that_ landed on its ass.

Lily moved away from me, shaking her hands forcibly to relieve her stress. 'I'm sorry,' she muttered, 'I didn't mean to make a fuss, just – I hate being confined…'

'I promise, I didn't do this to you,' I assured her. 'Well…not knowingly, but even if I did, it's for the best. I do not want my psycho stalker maiming you, okay?'

She nodded a little. 'I'm really sorry,' she said again. 'I know you don't need any more on your mind what with…' she paused. 'Where have you been?'

'Got kidnapped by my psycho stalker,' I complained. 'I'm okay – no damage done.'

Well, no physical damage, anyway.

'I just need to go to bed,' I said. 'Everything will be better in the morning. I'll even get you some more books so you're not as bored.'

Lily bravely attempted to look grateful, but her despair was unmistakable.

I ached everywhere from sheer exhaustion, but my mind was buzzing from the discussion. Sleep seemed like an impossibility in my head's state of half-alive frenzy. Who was I to be the poster girl for hope and faith when I barely had any myself? How could I have convinced Lily that this would all end well? I knew that I was definitely at a disadvantage. I was simply too new to all of this to come up with a plan to save us all. There were going to be some losses, and I didn't even want to dwell on what they were going to be...

Dying seemed likely. That was actually one of the less horrible fates that I'd thought up. At least then this would all stop... I hated this existence, being subjected to this pain day in, day out.

I wasn't suicidal. I didn't want to die, and I was sure as hell not going to go out of my way to allow this to eventuate, but compared to some of the other things my malicious mind had thought up, this just seemed...easier. There were worse things than death.

The most dreadful was the thought of Paul killing someone else to spite me.

I knew he was capable of it, now. I'd been inside his mind, and I'd seen the precise moment where he'd made the decision to become a killer. Just because he didn't follow through, didn't mean that his intentions weren't there - because my God, they _were_. His instinct to take life had been ugly and terrifying, and it made my skin go cold just to think about it. I did not want his vengeful eyes to look upon anyone I loved.

My thoughts began torturing themselves over cravings for Jesse when I started to drift... The pandemonium of my abused mind began to fade slowly, until I was standing in a room of pitch blackness. I glowed brightly, radiating with white light. It didn't make seeing any easier, though. Looking around, I wondered if this was a dream, and if so, why hadn't it started? Did I come too early? Even before the trailers? Maybe I'd gone into the wrong cinema -

A loud hiss dragged me back from my slips into nonsense, and I gasped, startled.

'Hello?' I called uncertainly. Who did I think would answer?

Whispers came from all around, me, quiet but harsh in their delivery. They came from more than one voice; at one point, I could have sworn I'd heard myself say something. I turned quickly, trying to find the source of these voices as they began to whisper faster and faster. I held my head, trying desperately to block it out. It made my head spin dizzily from the speed of the incoherent mayhem of murmurs. They began to suffocate me - a presence seemed to make the air thick and unbreathable.

'Stop...' I swayed, feeling sick and faint. It was too fast...too loud, too many, too close -

Suddenly, a voice whispered just a little bit louder than the rest. Or maybe it didn't - maybe I'd been so desperate to hear it that I'd been able to hear it distinctly above all others.

_'Susannah...are you saying you died for me?'_

_'Not technically. Yet. But...'_

These were...my memories. I remembered that moment like I knew my own name. Oh my God. Someone was fast-forwarding though my mind, trying to find something -

But after those voices had harshly whispered their exchange, the voices just broke off, mid-whisper. Whoever had been invading my past appeared to have located what they were searching for.

A soft chuckle sounded from somewhere above me, omnipresent.

'Hey!' I yelled, stamping my foot and looking up at the sky, met once again with darkness, 'Get out! This is my PERSONAL brain, thank you very much!'

Silence was the only response. I realised that I hadn't breathed while I'd been waiting for an answer which was why my chest had started hurting so much.

'...Hello?'

I squinted, hoping my eyes would maybe become adjusted to this black abyss, but I doubted there was anything here to see. Which was not a reflection on my brain. This wasn't just some empty cavity. My brain was stocked full of useful information. Just...this particular corner was...different.

Even I felt scared to be here.

As I continued to rotate slowly, hoping to see something that would help me out of this predicament, I suddenly jumped when a figure appeared directly in front of me. My eyes darted up fearfully and I was met with cold, shadowy ones.

The Corrupter was inside my mind.

'What...what are you doing here?' I asked first a little weakly, but then accusation sounded through my tone.

He just smiled in a cheerful way.

'You shine very brightly,' he nodded at my glistening arms with curiosity and some kind of approval. 'That's very interesting...'

'Why?' I demanded. 'What's so interesting about it?'

He ignored me.

'The boy seems to believe that you will be difficult to bend,' he muttered a little boredly. 'He believes your will is stronger than that of common people. That you're...special.'

I frowned. 'If you're talking about turning me evil, then yeah. Good luck. Because I'm pretty comfortable being not-evil, and I'm really stubborn.'

The Corrupter smiled lazily, walking around me in slow, intimidating circles. His long, white hair fell in a long line down his back, seeming to catch off of imaginary light.

'I have never failed, _Virva_,' he promised me. 'They always claim to be stronger than me...but they never are.'

'Well, I am.'

I didn't know why I was so cocky. Why the hell did I think I was stronger than this mysterious entity of evil? His timeless existence was dedicated to corrupting the innocence of people like me. I posed no threat to him. Sure, I was a nice kinda gal, but that didn't mean I could possibly win this…

He stopped. It wasn't exactly reassuring, the way he laughed at me. This little ego-trip of mine was obviously something he dealt with a lot in his line of work. 'Your confidence is a fallacy,' he told me. 'Not even _you_ believe your lies. You expect me to? This will be effortless for me, _Virva._ Child's play.'

'You're not going to get me,' I said angrily.

'Watch me.'

Just as I was about to backchat him, he shimmered out of sight with a wisp of arrogance.

I swore under my breath in frustration. That was when my surroundings started shifting – hysterical lines and edges started snaking around me, forming the structures of my bedroom, flickering frantically in and out of focus. My heart leapt with a thrill of excitement. I was having another dream about Jesse! I'd escaped the Corrupter, and I was about to –

This delight was punctured sharply when the figure of Jesse swirled into view in a black mist. He'd never done that before… This dream was a lie.

His face lit up upon seeing me. '_Querida_…'

Instantly, I took a step back.

'No,' I said in a very hard voice, 'No way. I'm not falling for this for one second. I know what you're trying to do - '

Jesse stood before me, his shoulders sinking slightly in confusion at my words. 'Susannah? Are you all right?' He approached me, his expression one of concern. I tried to look away from him, but soon his perfect face, his tall, lean body, his endless eyes began taking their hold over me. As much as I knew he wasn't real, I couldn't help but relish this surreal encounter.

'No, I'm not all right,' I forced myself to snap. 'Don't even try it - I can see straight through you - '

His hands came to my arms and my internal defences were shattered. 'I can't imagine what you are talking about, _querida_...we are alone.'

_Don't believe him, Suze._

'...We are?' I asked, my eyes widening in hope.

A smile stretched over his lips luxuriously. It was more secretive than I'd remembered. Oh God, I _ached_ for him to really be here... I could feel my body tingling in all the wrong places.

And I'd been won. I was willing to believe anything...

Desperately, I moved in to kiss him, but his fingers tightened around my upper arms, holding me at a distance. 'Wait, Susannah,' he cautioned, his eyes twinkling. 'Not yet...'

I groaned. 'Why not? Jesse, I've missed you! Please, I...I need to be kissing you - '

His smile faded into a look of intensity, and he didn't let go of my arms.

'Do you trust me?' he hissed.

I swallowed nervously. 'I - '

'It's a simple question,' he said in response to my hesitancy. 'I know you love me...but do you trust me?'

'W-with my life,' I replied quickly, hoping that he wouldn't doubt my answer because of my edginess.

Maintaining his fiercely intense eye contact, his hands slid down to my wrists. The trail of his skin had mine roaring. I blinked quickly, trying not to quail beneath his stare. He seemed so...forceful. Not in his actions - they were gentle - but his manner, his voice... There was no sense of urgency this time. Everything was so slow. Despite my fear, I didn't pull away from him

'Good...' he purred.

A rope suddenly materialised into his hand, which he took and began tying my wrists together tightly. My brow furrowed. 'What - '

'Don't question it,' he cut me off. 'You trust me, remember? Implicitly?'

His tone wasn't angry. Just resolute.

I nodded, feeling light headed from his proximity. Heat rose to my face from his touch.

Breaking his gaze for the first time, he looked upward. So did I. Another rope hung from the ceiling in my bedroom, something I couldn't really remember being there before...but maybe I was wrong. Maybe it had always been there. Jesse's powerful arm rose and grabbed the end of it. He then lifted my bound hands and fastened them there firmly. I gasped, dying to ask what he was doing and why, but I didn't want to show any qualms after pledging my complete trust.

Even before Jesse, I felt exposed. I hated having my arms above my head - my armpits were always in fear of being tickled. Even now, a thrill of fear shot through me.

'Your eyes are full of questions,' he said in some disapproval. 'Susannah...I told you - '

'I trust you,' I spluttered. 'I swear.'

With scalding hot eyes, he invaded my soul as his hands gently left mine. He dragged his fingers achingly down my arms and I shuddered as a tongue of desire flickered at the pit of my stomach. My mouth fell open in shock. Every touch, every sensation felt exaggerated. How would I survive like this?

His fingers fell to my sides, which he started teasing slowly, grazing his nails over my shirt. My nerve endings crackled with life. I wanted to speak again, but my words would have just contained uncertainty. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to stop. I couldn't ask him to slow down - he was already going at a torturously slow pace...any slower would have driven me insane there and then.

I'd never known the true power of his hands, to torment me with this pleasure. His touch was light, but definite. Every circle of his fingers was calculated. He witnessed my responses with a look of satisfaction and thrill. I couldn't place what it was about this situation that made my heart pound so vigorously... maybe it was the element of fear or the sense of rising urgency.

I felt guilty for not feeling completely at peace with him. I mean...it was Jesse. This was a test.

I needed to pass.

He moved in closer so his body was barely an inch from mine. He'd accidentally brush against me - or maybe knowingly, come to think of it - and my whole body reacted with a clenching, hot fire that made my breaths shallow and my mind numb with ache. I couldn't do anything to hurry him or stop him, due to my arms being out of action, and that made everything ten times worse. Feeling so powerless before Jesse instilled me with both unrest and wicked exhilaration.

'You want this...' Jesse breathed in my ear, his lips grazing my lobe. 'Tell me...'

I shivered beneath him. 'I want this...'

His mouth found my throat, but he didn't kiss me there - he just dragged his teeth over my skin, making me shake with anticipation. I wheezed heavily. 'Oh _God_, I want this...'

'You want me?'

_'Yes_...' I gasped.

His fingers crawled up my back, drawing me even closer to him but still not touching me completely. It was hell. His breath burnt my neck. My whole body tensed expectantly. He continued to start, but never finished. Soon after he'd begun his torment on my throat, he left to conquer another helpless part of me, leaving me trembling with my lust unslaked.

Then, just as his hand began sliding between my legs, the place where he'd always stop abruptly, something interrupted this addictive agony.

A scream.

For a moment, I wasn't sure if it was me. I realised that that voice had been too young, and had been in distinct pain. My eyes were half-closed with passion. I whimpered as his fingers afflicted the insides of my thighs. 'Jesse, did you hear - '

'No.'

I accepted this answer immediately, my mind not capable of concentrating on anything beyond this experience. Then, the scream sounded again, shrill and terrified.

My lids snapped open. 'Jesse, someone's calling...'

He sank to his knees before me, staring up at me intensely. My heart rocketed within my chest cavity. 'You...want me to stop?' His hands paused between my legs, and my traitorous body roared in protest.

Desperately, I shook my head. 'No! No... you can't stop now...but maybe I could send help - '

'You don't want to help,' Jesse assured me. 'You want to stay here. With me. I can make you feel...' he whispered, emphasising this by moving his face closer to my legs and kissing the bare skin of my thighs as he lifted up my skirt. My face burnt with desire. Oh my God, it felt _so good_...

The child sobbed miserably in the distance, shrieking for help.

Sickness started swelling in my stomach as my guilt warred with my lust. Jesse's lips made my knees buckle upon contact; I would have fallen had I not been tied to the ceiling. I cried out in toxic misery. How could I leave now? Pleasure like this couldn't exist only to be rejected.

'I have to go...' I panted, only partially sincere.

Instantly, Jesse rose to his feet, his hand still plaguing the impossibly sensitive skin of my thighs. His forehead rested against mine, and his other hand pressed me against him. His body was on fire, and I burnt right along with him.

'Susannah,' his eyes flared with lascivious ferocity. His lips refused to kiss mine. 'If you go...we can never have this again. How can you give this up? Give me up?'

I swallowed, hard.

'I can come back - '

'You can never come back to this,' he said, his voice severe. _'Querida_, please...stay. I love you. We can stay here, forever, just the two of us...isn't that what you want?'

The screaming continued.

'I...I want - '

'You _want me_.'

'I...I do...'

'You choose me.'

'But the - '

'Forget about the child. It doesn't matter...'

'Jesse, you _have_ to let me go,' I pleaded.

He stared at me, his eyes right in front of mine. My vision swam as he continued to stimulate my pleasure receptors. 'But Susannah, I'm not keeping you here...'

My eyes widened.

'_You_ are,' he said.

Suddenly, I felt violently ill. He was right. Jesse wasn't stopping me from going - I was the one who wasn't leaving. Even the ropes binding my hands weren't preventing me. I simply wanted to be here...

...Instead of saving an innocent life.

'Oh my God...'

I really was selfish. I would let the whole world be destroyed just to be with Jesse, just to feel good. I was disgusting.

'Untie me,' I demanded coldly, squeezing my legs together in my efforts to ignore him and what he was doing to me. How could he do this? How? His hands fell away from my skin. With a forlorn look on his face, he looked down at his arms in some alarm.

He was flickering.

'Susannah...I'm fading away...' he moaned. 'Don't go...you'll never see me again...can you live with that?'

'I don't know - ' I whimpered. In a surge of concentration, the ropes securing me in place snapped away, and Jesse flashed dangerously out of sight, making me scream in horror. No! I couldn't lose him! I couldn't -

He reappeared, looking dimmer than I'd ever seen him. A tear slid from my eye. 'Don't do this to me...' he begged. 'I love you, _querida_...'

Shaking, I forced out my reluctant question. 'But...what do you love about me, Jesse?'

'Everything,' he said desperately. 'Your body, your soul...'

'And you wouldn't mind if my soul chose you over helping a poor kid in pain?' I asked, suddenly angry. I'd been fooled. My Jesse would have never wanted me to sacrifice my morality, even if I had to save him. 'You always said you loved my integrity. "_A heart whose love is innocent." _You're a fake.' To the ceiling, I yelled, 'If you really wanted to trick me into believing that this thing was Jesse, stay in character!'

With a disappointed look, the impostor before me faded completely, and I ran off to find the child who'd been calling for my help this whole time –

– Only to be jerked savagely out of the dream.

At first, I thought I was awake again. I expected to find myself sitting up in my bed, breathing hard, Lily rushing over to see what had got me so panicked. Instead though, I found myself standing, barefoot on a wooden floor. I had a blindfold on and my hands were once again tied, outstretched to something also wooden. Chattering from somewhere before me started building up, and I had the distinct impression that I was being watched.

Once again, my heart started thumping. This time, for a completely different reason. There was no pleasure here...only apprehension.

I tried to mentally remove the ropes around my arms, but I guess that was only a one time deal thing. Here, such powers of the mind had been disabled.

That was when I heard a dragging, heavy sound like someone hauling a very heavy blanket across the floor...

And the jeers started.

I flinched at the sound of it. A sudden eruption of boos and catcalling sounded from before me. Something hard was thrown at my legs until it cracked on impact, allowing a gooey ooze to run down my leg. I hid my face in my shoulder, afraid. I couldn't see a thing - I didn't understand what was happening to me -

However, the crowd suddenly silenced when a loud, charming voice yelled, 'Ladies and gentlemen - your attention, if you please...settle down... I know the very sight of her aggravates you to no end, but your time to humiliate her will come soon...'

An unintentional yelp slid past my lips. The voice - clearly belonging to Paul - had terrified me.

The blindfold was ripped unceremoniously from my eyes, and I winced against the bright yellow glare.

Spotlights were shining directly at me. I was on a stage in a theatre seating thousands - around me, a blood-red curtain draped heavily over the sides. To my right, a large platform with a trapdoor at its base stood. A beam ran across the top, from which hung a looped rope. To my left was Paul Slater, a microphone in his hand. His eyes were sparkling with sinister intentions.

'Paul,' I hissed furiously, 'What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?'

He grinned at me. 'Showing the world what you really are...' he replied in a smug way.

I struggled roughly against the ropes that bound me to the wood behind, but they were tied very tightly. 'Let me OUT!' I screamed at him, unnerved by the expansive audience taunting me and laughing at my predicament. They were faceless, yet I could hear their insults clearly in my mind.

'Good evening, everybody,' Paul said vibrantly into the microphone, gesturing flamboyantly to the spectators. They applauded. 'I know how excited you all are to be here tonight where we uncover the truth about the pathetic Susannah Simon.'

The boos echoed mercilessly throughout the theatre.

Paul nodded in agreement with their reaction. 'Yes...for so long, this revolting, self-righteous creature has claimed to be above us all. She's claimed to have remained pure and whole, despite the deserved punishments done to her. She swears that she's blessed with her integrity. But tonight...we are going to prove that she's just as dirty, loathsome and faithless as the rest of them!'

An almighty cheer leapt from the audience, and I gasped in horror. My God...what was going to happen to me?

Paul turned cold, empty eyes upon me. 'Paul,' I appealed again, 'Stop it. I don't know what you've got planned, but I know you don't want to do this - '

Who was I kidding?

'You know?' he asked, his eyes flashing. 'You're arrogant enough to believe you know what I want? What I feel?' He turned from me, and roared to the sensationalist crowd, 'Do you witness her pride? She claims to be all-knowing! Do you honestly believe you're God?'

'No!' I shouted in anger and horror. If that wasn't the pot calling the kettle sacred, I didn't know WHAT was.

With unforgiving eyes, he shook his head. 'It's time to bring you down, Suze Simon...'

He cleared his throat. 'For too long, we've suffered your holier-than-thou bullshit, Suze. You spout off philosophies about saving people and doing good. You want to be a poor little martyr so damn much? Then so be it.'

And he roughly shoved a circle of barbed wire on top of my head. I groaned in pain as the spikes broke my skin, grating my forehead savagely.

'You'll be the biggest martyr of them all,' he mocked, and spat on me.

At that point, a large, muscular man in a tight black shirt dragged out a woman with curly auburn hair who was screaming in fright –

'MOM!' my voice was an explosion of every human emotion I was experiencing at that heart-stopping moment. The man hauled her over to the platform, shoving her neck through the rope –

My arms went rock hard, completely rigid with fear.

…They were going to hang her.

'NO!' I screamed, thrashing like I'd never done so before. 'YOU SON OF A _BITCH_! YOU LET HER GO! I SWEAR TO GOD, PAUL – '

His hand came from nowhere, slapping me brutally across the face. I tried to bite his fingers, but he pulled them away quickly. Paul laughed boomingly, pumping up the endless swarm of eager eyes before us. 'Feisty, isn't she?'

The crowed hostilely laughed in appreciation.

'Mom!' I hollered, 'Mom, are you okay?'

Tears were streaming down her face. She went to reply, but the rough hand of the stage assistant silenced her. A trickle of blood landed in my eye, making my world go red. I blinked it out urgently.

'Paul…' I begged, 'Please, don't do this…'

'Don't do what?' Paul blinked innocently. 'Off your mom? You two haven't exactly been getting on lately. She was the one that betrayed you by marrying Andy. What the hell do you owe her? Wouldn't it be easier to just…sit back while she dies?'

'Oh my _God_,' I wanted to vomit. His words were so cold, so cruel and inhuman. How could someone say things like this? 'Please, I'll do anything – '

'_Anything_?' This obviously piqued his interest, playing into the script of this scene perfectly.

I nodded rapidly as the man behind my mother gave her a violent shake, his hand on the leaver that dropped the trapdoor.

'All right then, martyr,' Paul laughed. He gently laid his microphone on the stage, and drew two objects from his jacket. I'd barely recognised what they were before he'd positioned them, one poised over my wrist and the other in his free hand, ready to strike. 'Deal.'

I recoiled in distress at the sight of the large, rusted nail and the hefty metal hammer in his hands. 'WHAT THE FRICK?' I shrilled, the urge to be sick returning again. He was…going to _nail_ me to the wooden beams behind me.

The crowd laughed…

'This is your choice,' Paul growled. 'You…or her. Isn't this what you want? To be some stupid little saviour?'

I burst into tears. 'You sadistic bastard – '

'You're the masochist here,' he replied in hatred. 'The only reason you do good is because you love to suffer. You're addicted to misery. You're with a ghost because you know it will never work. You agreed to the deal with me to satisfy your hero complex, not to save Jesse. He wouldn't have suffered if you'd have just let him go, but now, he's stuck, fading away…in pain…'

'Stop it…' I beseeched in despair.

'So here's your choice. Are you going to admit that you're not quite the saint you think you are? Just let her go,' he persuaded, jerking his head at my mother in the noose. 'One quick snap and it's over for her. Your suffering, on the other hand…that's going to last a long time…'

His eyes drifted to my wrist. My veins were popping out from my skin, blood pounding icily in time with my petrified heart.

Jeers made the air thick and deadly. I struggled to breathe.

'I…I don't care what you do to me,' I whispered. 'Just let her go.'

Paul rolled his eyes.

And the hammer swung down.

Words…have no meaning. They're incapable of description. Even the most brilliant wordsmith couldn't mangle his words to even _begin_ to approach that excruciating pain that shattered my body when the nail penetrated my wrist. I howled…

My eyes were screwed up, and I panted and I cried and I couldn't look at it, but I could see it in my minds eye, the blood sliding seamlessly from my hand, splashing on the stage as the crowd just cheered for my humiliation.

Time was ceaseless.

Many eternities had crept past when I finally opened my eyes again, sobbing in horror and unimaginable pain. Unable to avoid such a sight, my eyes slid sideways –

'_Noooooo_!' I shrieked stridently, the image of the nail jutting from my arm burning into my memory. Sweat poured down my cold face as Paul faced the audience.

'That, of course, was just a warm-up. It's easy to make that kind of choice for someone you love. Not that I would have, but I can get why common people would choose to save their loved ones. What would really set Suze apart from those people would be how far she's willing to go to save a life. So, we bring out our next guest… can we all give a warm welcome?'

Each clap of riotous applause seemed to force more pain to my wrist. I stared weakly at Paul's exuberance, begging for this nightmare to end…

When I'd summoned the energy to look up, I saw a heavy-set man being dragged up to the noose, replacing my mother who was yanked away, relatively unharmed. I did not recognise the man, but he had a coldness about his eyes that chilled me.

'You don't know who this is, I presume?' Paul motioned to the new victim.

'…No,' I croaked.

'This, my good people, is Mr. Michael Striker. All you need to know about him, Suze, is that he's killed eighteen women in the last seven years. So, what's it going to be then? Would you save yourself for a piece of garbage that has wreaked havoc on the world's female populace? No one would miss him,' Paul sneered a little. 'He's pure evil, Suze. Do you deserve to suffer for the sins of a criminal like him? If you let him go, he'll kill again. That'll be blood on your hands, Suze…'

The audience was hushed in anticipation of my decision.

Panting, I hissed to Paul, '…I told you before, you asshole…I'm _not God._ I'm not going to…to let someone die in my place…no matter who they are…I don't have the right to decide who lives or dies, which is what you just don't understand, Paul. You're not God, no matter how much you'd like to believe it…'

With a flurry of agitation, Paul raised a second nail and vengefully plunged it into my second wrist.

'_Then suffer_,' he grunted against my scream.

…Long after both my hands had been ruined, I hung limply against the wood in a mess of tears and blood. My arms were in rivers of it, and my face was streaked with red. I moaned softly into my shoulder, hiding my face.

It was so hard to believe I'd done the smart thing, with everybody laughing at me like that. I knew within my heart that I was right, but as each moment passed, as each drop of blood spilled from my body, I wondered if it was worth it. The others only had to die. I had to bear this pain.

This _terrible_ pain…

Paul moved right in against me, gently cupping my face. 'Oh, Suze,' he sighed. 'You've put up a good fight…but how much longer are you going to keep this up? I hate to watch you suffer like this…'

'Then stop,' I tried to say, but my voice was too rusty from screaming to be coherent.

I leant into his hand, wishing he were someone of comfort. I was tired of it all…

'Say the word, Suze,' he breathed, wiping blood from the corner of my eye almost affectionately. The mocking crowd seemed to dissolve – Paul and I were locked in this moment. It felt almost…intimate. 'Say the word, and the pain can stop. They can take your place in a second…'

'But I can't – '

'You _can_,' he tried to sway me, 'Suze, it's just one word. One little word. Just don't think about it. Let it come out…'

'It's not just a word…' I breathed. 'The – _consequences_ – '

' – Are not your problem,' he shrugged.

His face suddenly transformed, so it resembled Jesse's. Kind, convincing eyes smiled down on me, and the hand gracing my face felt so much warmer. '_Querida_, you've suffered enough,' he said sadly. 'I can't watch you like this…please, do as he says… I'm begging you.'

'No,' I shook my head even though it hurt. 'I won't send someone to die in my place.'

Jesse's brow rose. 'Oh, really? I'm intrigued to see how you respond to this last sacrifice, then…'

Miserable with pain, I lifted my weary eyes –

And gasped.

Instead of the murderer from before, the person in the noose was now…

'Paul Slater,' Jesse appealed. 'Susannah, think of all he's done to you. He hurt you, stole _everything_ from you that you loved – me, your purity, your mother's trust, _everything_. He won't stop, unless you do it here. Right now.'

At this point, a sharp nail materialised into Jesse's right hand. I crumpled against the wood. 'Jesse, _no – _'

'I'm begging you to stop me!' he cried. 'Susannah, this is the _last_ thing I want to do! Please, for the sake of us, just let him die! He'll destroy every chance we have for a future, _querida_. Don't let him. Make him suffer for his crimes. You can't possibly want him to live.'

'I don't,' I breathed, laboured with pain. 'But Jesse…I will _not _be the reason that he dies. I'm not capable of that.'

Jesse's eyes hardened.

'If…that is your choice…'

I nodded in aching resolution.

'Fine. If…I mean that little to you, then…' he mumbled and aimed the nail not at my feet, but at my heart.

'Goodbye, Susannah.'

The nail slid into me like butter. Before the pain could reach its climax right before the moment where I knew death could come, I was once again yanked out of the situation, landing sprawled on the floor of the dark place again.

The crucifixion had disappeared – I desperately checked my wrists with shaking fingers, finding unmarked skin instead of gaping, bloody wounds.

'Well…that was mildly irritating,' came the voice of the frustrated Corrupter. 'The boy was right, in a sense – you are going to be a tough one to crack…' He was breathing a little harder than usual – those hallucinations must have taken a lot of exertion on his part. 'But I will… and I will enjoy it when I do. You're not special, _Virva_. You're just like the rest of them, deep down.'

-F&I-

**The last chapter wasn't that well received, so just…let us know you're still reading. Lolly has her exams coming up again (trial and finals) so don't expect a chapter tooooooo soon. This one was done instead of art homework, haha.**

_**Please**_** review…**


	21. Willingness

**Lolly's graduated from highschool! Although now I'm smack bang in the middle of final exams, my friends. Had my trials…failed one, lol. It's just Maths though. No one cares about Maths.**

**(Gets slaughtered by the Mathletes.)**

**Sorry…Jeez. Anyway. New chapter. Got some pretty big revelation-y things at the end, so watch out.**

**- Lolly and Steph.**

-F&I-

From the terrible place inside my mind of execution, seduction and pain, I was suddenly ripped out - _thankfully_. Gentle hands were tapping my face awake. 'Suze...' a feminine voice said softly, 'Suze, wake up...there's someone here...'

In the strange world between asleep and awake, the woman's words were interpreted badly. Firstly, I thought it was my mother and found myself shocked that she could talk after being hung in my dream...but then I remembered I'd saved her. Then, I wondered who she could have been talking about, which made me sit bolt upright, looking around in stark panic. There was a constant tapping at the window, and I started breathing hard.

'No - ' I whispered, 'Not now - '

'Suze!' the voice hissed again.

I blinked blearily, and saw Lily's face looking steadily at me. Oh, okay. Not my mom then.

'There's a little boy outside the window,' she told me with confusion. 'Were you expecting company?'

I looked over to the frosty moonlit pane, and saw, with some shock, Robbie Gallagher's pale face pressed against the glass. My heart lurched, and I quickly scampered out of bed to allow him entry to my room. 'Oh my God!' I exclaimed, 'Robbie! What...what are you doing here? It's like, two in the morning...'

However, his face communicated a complete disregard for time and space. I'd never seen his cheeks glow so brightly, or his eyes sparkle with such thrill.

'I snuck out, Suze!' he whispered in a voice that sounded as scared as it did exhilarated. 'I've never snuck out before...my mom's going to kill me. But you know what? I don't care!'

My face in a jumble of bewilderment, I grabbed his arms and hauled him in through the window until he'd collapsed on my window seat, breathing kind of hard. I doubted the cold night air was helping his poor, Cystic Fibrosis-y lungs all that much. 'Robbie, it's freezing out there! You're going to - '

He shook his head stubbornly. 'I don't care,' he repeated. 'I - I needed to see you...'

'Are you okay?' I demanded. 'What's...' A nasty thought crossed my mind. 'That guy who broke your nose, he didn't...do anything, did he?'

His eyebrow arched. 'Huh? What do - oh! Nah, nothing like that. I just...I dunno. Mom said I was never allowed to see you again, and I was all, "Screw that!" In my head, of course. And then I snuck out. Because I missed you.'

My fear for him suddenly melted away as I finally realised what he was saying.

'Aww, Robbie,' I said in a squishy kind of way, 'You didn't have to get in trouble just for me...'

A defiant air came about him. 'Yeah. I kinda did. And I told you, I don't care. My mom's kept me prisoner in that stupid house for fifteen years, and she's not going to stop me the first time I find a girl -- I mean, a friend.' His ears went a little pink. 'I'm a _rebel_ now.'

I looked down at his black Magneto tee, pleated shorts and Batman socks with a smothered grin. 'You sure are. And you'll never ever be any good.'

'Come on!' he whispered, his voice lowering again as his eyes flashed in terrified excitement. 'Let's go out! Do something! Something cool!'

At first, I wanted to refuse. I mean, my sleep these days was limited at best, and there were dark circles beneath my eyes that really loved their current location and were refusing to budge. Then, I glanced back at the fifteen-year-old spark of life before me, desperate to whisk me away from it all...

'Sure,' I replied. 'Let me just change...'

Two minutes later, I came out of my bathroom clad in jeans, a long-sleeved top and a heavy brown jacket to fend me from the merciless cold. He hadn't lost even the slightest bit of thrill that I'd left him with moments earlier. Then, we climbed out the window, as I'd done many times to meet my mediating dates.

In even less time than I'd imagined it'd take, we found ourselves heading towards the famous Carmel beach. I stood on the sand dune that overlooked it, in awe of how dark and powerful it was. It roared as the waves collided. I'd never really known the amazing nature of water the way I did then. It's ability to crush anything...to put out the fire that threatened to get out of control...

But if it froze, then it was static. Rigid. Powerless...until the moment when the fire pushed it too far...

'Race you down!' Robbie yelped at me, and without giving me any more warning than that, he took off down the sand dune at a speed which left me rather impressed. After a moment, I followed his lead, allowing my feet to fly over the sand as I hightailed it to the shore. Just before he reached the water, I stuck my foot out in front of his so he stacked it in the muddy sand. He shrieked with laughter, climbing to his feet with a thick paste coating his left side. 'Cheater!'

'Well, you won, technically,' I shrugged. 'That little stunt of mine only made you fly five feet forwards even faster than your feet could have carried you.'

He shoved my happily, wiping the sludgy sand from his clothes. 'I'll get you back when you least expect it.'

'Yeah, right,' I replied.

He looked down at his shorts, but instead of the look of dismay I kind of expected - I mean, they looked pretty expensive - he just grinned and said, 'Suck it up, mom! That's what I think of your eighty dollar pleated shorts!'

'You're a nutter,' I observed, my eyes a little wide.

Robbie laughed, looking ridiculously happy with this title. I guess he'd never been allowed to do anything really crazy before... I kind of saw where his mother was coming from, trying to protect him. But...there were limits. I mean, _God_.

We horsed around a little more until he finally admitted himself to be a bit tired. I noticed the wheeze in his chest with alarm, and the small supportive bandaid across his broken nose glared accusingly at me. We both fell down in the sand, sighing and staring out at the ocean.

'Having fun?' he asked me, grinning wildly.

'I actually think I am,' I smiled back. And it was the truth. Strangely enough, this just further separated the dark world that Paul had created for me. I felt normal, here...safe.

He looked intently at me, as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure if he could.

'What?' I prompted.

He blinked quickly. 'What do you mean?'

'You have guilty curiosity written all over your face. Whatever you want to know, you can just ask it. I won't get mad or anything.'

A few seconds passed as he looked even guiltier. 'Well...I just...I guess I wanted to know what happened with that guy who...' he pointed to his nose sheepishly.

'Oh,' I said. '...Wow.' I'd forgotten about how he knew nothing of that. I hadn't given him any explanation as to what exactly he'd walked in on. That is to say, a frightening man pinning me against a wall, threatening to hurt me. If I was him, I would have wanted to know who exactly crunched my nose, too.

His expression was torn, like he wanted to tell me not to worry about answering, but at the same time, like he thought he deserved to know.

'I...he's...it's a long story,' I finished lamely. 'Long and boring and - '

'But it's killing you,' he said, his voice quiet.

I looked at him sharply. He didn't back down, though. 'I watched it happen. When I first met you, you were...amazing. A bright, bright light. Then slowly, as he started coming into STAB, you just got dimmer each day. Scared.' He swallowed, looking a little fearful for even voicing his observations. 'Was he...about to...when I walked in?'

I didn't look at him.

'Yeah.'

He exhaled, long and loud.

'I hoped to God that it wasn't true,' he whispered. 'It was really jarring, seeing you that afraid of something. I'd always thought of you as Kitty Pryde,' he said, 'From the X-Men comics. She was always gung-ho and barrelling through even if she was scared. She'd hold her breath and just jump in no matter what. Always shooting her mouth off and going one hundred percent into whatever she believed. She could have kicked the White Queen's ass all by herself if the Professor would have let her... But then... it was like you were - ' he paused, in contemplation. 'Well...like you were Kitty Pryde from the stupid movie...' he snorted. 'She was lame. That whole ice skating scene with Bobby, was there even a point to that? And that girl they cast had the most annoying voice... anyway, she was only a flicker of what I knew the real character was.'

'Thanks,' I said, an edge of sarcasm in my voice.

'How is he able to turn you into that?' he asked me. 'Because I know you're so much stronger than that.'

I shivered, despite the massive coat that I was wearing. 'Um...' I said. 'You really don't wanna know all this, Robbie. You'll be happier for it - '

A hostile noise slid from him suddenly, and I looked up in surprise. He was glaring out at the ocean. I didn't think his eyes could have looked that angry. 'Why do people always think I'm too young and stupid to know the important things?' he demanded. I got the feeling that he wasn't directing this at me exclusively. 'Is it because I'm sick? What? do they think that their last little bit of dirty information will be the straw that breaks my proverbial back? I'm not stupid. And I'm not too young. I'm fifteen-years-old. I can handle it, Suze,' he said strongly. 'And...and even if I can't, it doesn't matter. I care about you, and...and I want to be the one to help you.'

Shocked at this heartfelt outburst, I stared at him in wonder. He was even ready to sacrifice his peace of mind for me.

It struck me then, that this boy sitting next to me cared for me very deeply, and I hadn't even known. I mean, I'd noticed the little crush. It'd been too cute to miss. But I hadn't seen this. It really touched me.

'I want to see you bright again,' he said. 'My world gets really dark when you're like this. Now please, you can tell me...who is he?'

'Paul Slater,' I laughed humourlessly, 'is...' I strained to think of an answer, but found myself clueless. 'I don't know _what_ he is...'

Everything I could think of, I said. I was more candid than I'd ever expected to be with anyone. I told him things that even CeeCee hadn't been privy to the other day. He believed me unquestioningly; my ability to speak to the dead wasn't laughed at, nor were my talks of an entity called "The Corruptor". I was scaring him. I knew that. But he tried his very best to remain completely impassive. He knew Paul inside out by the time my voice finally gave out. The one thing I hadn't been overly sharing about was, well, Jesse. It didn't seem relevant to mention him any more than just in passing.

I guess I should have.

My throat ached when I was done. A chill had claimed my skin so severely that I doubted I'd ever stop shivering.

'Regret asking?' I said croakily.

'No. I...needed to know.'

I nodded in agreement. He deserved to.

'Suze,' he said. I looked over to him, a little shakily. I knew he wasn't going to be judgemental. But it was still nerve-wracking. I mean... he knew me now. 'I know I'm not very strong, or very smart. I'm certainly not very brave. But...there's nothing I want more than to save you from all of this. From...him.'

I grinned a little. He wanted so desperately to cast himself as the hero of this piece. But we both knew he couldn't. That position was waiting for me and me alone...

If only I was strong, smart and brave enough to play the part myself.

But I wasn't.

I was weak.

'That means a lot,' I breathed, my mind heavy with emotion. I turned, and gently gave him a kiss on the forehead.

He looked almost stunned at that. I smiled at him softly and leaned back, lying on the sand and closed my eyes. I had good company.

I almost didn't notice when soft lips fell on top of mine.

Oh my God... Robbie was kissing me. Two other guy's lips have been on mine recently. Paul's kiss always felt like poison, like burning. Jesse's lips always felt warm, gentle...like coming home.

But Robbie...well, it felt like I was kissing my brother.

I mean, it wasn't awful, because I liked the kid well enough, but...well, it was just really, _really _strange.

He only did so for a brief, startling moment before I gently pushed him away. Quickly, he recovered himself, his face going bright red. 'I-I'm... I just thought, I mean...you were – and – you just...gosh, you looked so pretty in the moonlight - I'm sorry, I'm...oh _man_...' he stammered, burying his face in his hands in embarrassment.

Trying to sound completely unoffended so as not to make his head explode in a fit of red, I said, 'Hey, it's okay – it's not your fault... just, I guess I never actually said it before. Remember the ghost I was telling you about before? Jesse? The one who haunted my bedroom?'

He nodded, confused and flushed.

'Well, he's...I'm in love with him, that's all.'

Robbie's face creased with a groan, and he hit his head repeatedly with his fist.

'Oh, crap...I should have realised,' he muttered, glaring at his Batman socks. 'I'm so _stupid_ – '

'No, you're not,' I said quickly. I didn't want him to think it was like that at all.

'I mean, someone like you... I was out of my mind if I thought you'd ever like someone like me – '

'I _do_ like you,' I promised him, my heart feeling like it was breaking.

I really needed to find this guy a girlie all for himself.

He wasn't hearing me though. 'I guess I knew it though. Here's me trying to come in and be this great knight in shining armour to you, only the armour's way too big for me – no, worse still, it's someone_else's_. I know it's stupid but I keep thinking about you, and how you're the only one who I've ever...ever _felt_ like this about, and how it actually _hurts_ to know that you're hurting – but it doesn't matter, because you don't–'

'Robbie!' I exclaimed, shaking his shoulders. He wouldn't meet my eyes. He was mortified. 'Just – stop for a second, okay? You're not stupid. I understand how you feel. I know how this must sound, but I really do love you...just not in that way. I was just the only one smart enough around to actually look at you and see what an amazing person you were. If things were different, then...' I fibbed a little, 'then maybe...but I'm in love with Jesse. Don't worry though. I swear to God, someday soon, someone else is going to look at you the way I did. And they're going to go a step further, and fall in love with _you_.'

'But I don't want anyone else...' he sighed, looking away. Then, he groaned again. 'You hate me now.'

I laughed, and pulled him into a hug against his will. 'You are astoundingly un-hateable,' I promised him solemnly. 'And you're also a damn good friend.'

After a moment, he defeatedly hugged back. 'Sorry,' he said again.

'Completely a non-issue,' I assured. 'And just...for everything tonight...thank you. I needed a break from it all. What with reality and then directly after that, the dreams...I needed a reminder of what life was like before all of this. And then you came along.'

He looked pleased with this statement. 'I'm just glad I could help in some way.'

I settled back against the sand, just breathing. Sneaking furtive glances at Robbie, I saw that he had the air of a disappointed man...but he still looked at peace. I felt relieved that I hadn't crushed anything too precious.

'I'll keep you safe...' he swore.

My hand slid in his.

He was so naïve to all of this. I smiled in spite of myself.

'I know.'

-F&I-

It was barely four thirty when I finally made it back to my room. From my garden, Robbie waved energetically and then rode off on his bike out of Pine Crest. I had an adoring smile glued to my face when I finally backed away from the window. I loved him so much...

'Who was that?' Lily asked politely.

'A little friend of mine,' I replied. 'His name's Robbie. He just wanted some questions answered. Paul kind of broke his nose the other day...'

Her tongue clicked sympathetically. 'Poor dear.'

'Yeah,' I agreed. I then went to tell her more about him – Robbie not Paul – for a few minutes when something caught my attention at the corner of my eye. Suspiciously, I looked over to my window.

'What?'

I narrowed my eyes. '...Er...nothing, I guess. I just thought I saw...I don't know...'

Lily stared at my curiously. 'Maybe you should sleep. I haven't known anyone who's been interrupted in her resting as much as you.'

I nodded – but my head was ripped back in the window's direction when I saw it again. A tiny little spark of white light, like a match of white fire being set alight. It died as soon as it had flashed.

'There!' I cried, pointing dramatically. 'Don't tell me you didn't see that!'

'I didn't – '

It did it again.

'...All right, _that_ one I saw,' she replied, her voice higher than usual. 'What's happening, Suze? Why's the window doing that? It's like scraping metal on metal.'

The next spark was much larger, occurring in various places all around the window sill like a series of gunshots. 'Lily,' I breathed, 'I think something bad's happening...'

'Like what?'

'I don't think that whatever's protecting us is going to be around for much longer.'

Her eyes widened so I saw the full circles of her irises. 'My gosh - it's...not working anymore?'

I shook my head grimly. 'That's not it. Whatever keeps us safe here, this_barrier_...it's being attacked.'

A sudden, larger flash caused us both to gasp in shock.

Quickly, I snapped. 'Lily, get out of here. Now. Go to Father Dominic. Explain. He'll have to protect you. I'll stay here, and stall while you –'

'But I can't face him...' she whimpered.

'Just tell him what happened!' I yelled at her, shoving her away. She looked alarmed, and extremely reluctant to leave.

'Suze, he'll kill you - I can't just - '

'Lily! Whatever he does to me will be nothing compared to the shifter tricks he'll pull on you. You were what he was practicing so hard for! Now GO!'

The window flashed for the final time, suddenly a blood red colour which scorched my retinas. As soon as the light disappeared, I saw that Lily had dematerialised with it. And not a moment too soon, for standing there was Paul Slater.

I staggered back, panicked. Him and his massively dark powers had broken into my room... whatever had protected me before was dead and gone.

'Funny,' his voice remarked. 'Didn't _look_ that easy...'

The room was crackling with his unpredictable emotions. My skin burnt from his presence. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew one thing: whatever state he was in at that moment guaranteed that I wouldn't leave here unscathed.

'Whatever you had planned, it didn't work,' I spat in some triumph. 'Lily's gone. You can't touch her now.'

A flicker of confusion passed through his eyes - eyes that were rimmed with dark circles only rivalled by my own. Then he nodded in recognition. 'Her? I don't give a crap about the priest's little ghost anymore.' He laughed softly, ending with a grin. His dark hair looked unkempt, not to mention his shirt which was only half buttoned.

Something was very wrong.

'No,' he went on. 'I just...needed to invade something of yours. It seemed the appropriate thing to do, considering you just violated my mind like that before. Of course, I had that stupid little barrier of yours to get through - but it wasn't difficult. Even if my aim's a bit off at the moment...You're fine at creating things, but it's the maintenance you don't get - '

I continued backing away slowly, coming into contact with my desk. My fingers frantically scrambled over the stationary that had been left there until I finally located scissors. If I couldn't defend myself with my power, then I had to do it another way...

Unfortunately, he noticed this immediately. 'Now, Suze - ' the metal of the scissors suddenly burnt white-hot and I dropped it with a gasp of pain, ' - that's a little overboard, isn't it?'

He moved in towards me, and I noticed in apprehension that he wasn't walking straight. Either he'd been hurt, or he was -

My question was answered a second later when his hands shot around my waist, shoving me back against the edge of the desk. 'I just decided on what I want to violate...' he whispered against my forehead.

'You've been drinking,' I noted the alcohol on his breath. I should have known straight away. He'd been...different.

He laughed, before moving his face close to my hair, breathing in deeply. 'Yeah...'

His intoxication was almost tangible.

Angry, I pushed him away. 'Don't touch me,' I said in disgust. 'If you want to drown your sorrows, do it _well_ away from me.'

He blinked in confusion, but then his eyes flashed furiously. _'You_ don't tell me when to stop - '

And my cheek was met with a hard smack.

My head swam, more so from the complete unexpected nature of his attack. It had been completely unprovoked. I pressed my hand gingerly against my face, moving away from him. 'Paul,' I tried to appeal, 'Seriously...don't do this now...'

To my complete surprise, it seemed my appeal worked. Either that or he'd been just as shocked by his action. Whatever the reason was, he stepped back from me, horrified. 'I didn't...' he said softly, pained. 'Suze, I - that wasn't supposed to happen...oh God, I hate all of this...' He hid his face in his hands, breathing raggedly.

Slowly, I brought my hand away from my throbbing skin, my eyes wide. Was that...regret? I moved closer to him, carefully touching his arm. 'If you hate it, then don't do this,' I said as gently as I could.

His clawed fingers fell away from his face gradually, and he stared at me with big blue eyes. They didn't look as cold as usual - alcohol had warmed them, strangely. 'This wasn't supposed to go like this,' he admitted, sinking onto the edge of my mattress. 'You were...but then you were just so...and I found out I had to - '

'Shhhhh,' I hushed him. If...if I played my cards right, could I somehow be freed of this deal? Maybe even trick him into bringing Jesse back from wherever he was? I touched his brow with my thumb. His eyelids fluttered closed and he turned into my hand, sighing.

I sat next to him with caution, still holding his face. His hand came over mine and he held it there, as if scared that I'd move away. I wanted to - being this tender with him felt so strange, so out-of-place, considering the terrible things he'd done to me - but I had to try.

'Paul,' my voice was faint and silky.

Without opening his eyes, he replied. 'What?'

I took a deep breath. '...Are you in love with me?'

Now his eyes snapped open. With all the intoxicated sincerity he could muster, he professed, _'Yes_. Why are you even asking me? Haven't I shown you the lengths I'd go to in order to have y - '

With my free hand, I gently pressed a finger to his lips and he fell silent, staring intently at my face. I almost wanted to know what he was thinking again...but not enough to slide into his mind.

'Then...' I paused, forming my next sentence with care, '...then why are you doing all of this to me? Causing me all of this pain? Don't you think it would be better if you...tried being nice?'

Okay, that sounded lame. But he didn't seem to notice. In response, his face crumpled again. 'I know, I know...but you just won't - '

I hushed him again, and the creases in his face smoothed out. My skin burnt in protest, but I slowly moved closer to him. He looked bewildered, but quickly began to take it on board. I moved my finger from his mouth, instead running it slowly down his arm. He stared at my hand, incredulous.

What was I doing? Would this even work...? What if he knew I didn't mean it?

...I had to try. If I could convince him, who knew what I could achieve?

Which was the only reason why, a second later, my face was right in front of his.

'Tell me you love me,' I breathed.

'You know I do...'

'Say it.'

'I love you.'

My lips, soft and purposefully calm, met cold, rigid ones that parted upon contact. He sighed deeply as if this were something he'd waited so desperately long for to be happening. Whether logic or reality played any part in his twisted mind when alcohol had been involved, I didn't know. But I was guessing that, even if they did, their words were being shunted aside roughly in favour for what I was finally giving him.

Achingly slow, I kissed him softly. I felt him shudder beneath me. 'Oh God...' he gasped. 'You have no idea what...'

He trailed off as my hands found his shoulders and I turned his torso towards me, pressing against him as I silenced his words. I felt so cruel... Here I was, dangling the thing he wanted so badly right in front of him with full knowledge that I was going to violently tear it away as soon as I'd gotten what I wanted. Wasn't that more like Paul than me? Was this just further proof of what I was becoming?

My only comfort was that I hated my own cruelty. Truly evil people surely revelled it.

My kiss escalated, and I brought my legs - which had been hanging over the side of the bed - up beneath me, kneeling on the edge of the mattress. He turned to me more fully, his large hands finding my hips. I kissed him with increasing urgency until finally I pressed him back, crawling over him. He groaned audibly in gratification.

'This is a dream...' he said aloud. 'This isn't happening...not really - '

'Shhhh...'

At no point did I delude myself into thinking this was someone else, or pretending this whole thing was something it wasn't. I knew what I was doing. I was calculated. Somehow, I knew exactly what to do. I gave him something he'd never experienced.

My willingness.

Oh, I'd reciprocated before. Kisses and so much more had been forced, blackmailed from me. I'd lost myself once or twice from his relentless pressing. But never before had I initiated. I'd never_kissed_ him. I'd never touched him first.

It enthralled him.

My teeth gently grazed his neck and he moaned beneath me, his eyes swimming from this unexpected turn of events and the influential liquid pumping through his veins. He ran his fingers through my hair hungrily. At one point he tried to roll us over, but I stopped him. I needed to be running this show. The moment he stole the dominance, any power over him vanished.

'You make me feel like I'm on fire...' I said huskily. 'Touching you, it's - '

'I know,' he responded quickly between kisses. 'I know what you mean... you've never felt this hot before...'

With a staged sigh of release, I dove back down to his lips urgently, my hands sliding from his shoulders to roam his chest. The noises he made, oh my God. I never knew I could make him - or any man - sound like that. It scared me a little...

'Tell me you love me,' I said again.

'I love you. Always.'

'Show me,' I begged, my voice wheezing. 'Show me how much you love me...'

'Anything,' he said immediately, his fingers gripping my back in such passion. 'I'd do anything for you...'

'Then...' I stumbled a little, 'Maybe...you could...maybe...bring Jesse back here, just to show that you love me...? J-just a suggestion...'

His hands froze suddenly, and I knew I'd blown it.

Immediately, I tried jerking away, but he'd exchanged out positions quicker than I could draw breath, pinning me down against my own mattress with a face of pure thunder.

'Funny how sobering your deception can be,' he spat. 'You stupid_bitch_...'

I thrashed beneath him, but he only squeezed my wrists harder, digging his short nails into my skin and making me whimper in pain. He was utterly disgusted. With me, but more so himself for succumbing to the alluring possibility of me wanting him. 'Gotta hand it to you, Suze. You had me going...and taking advantage of me when I was pretty much drunk? Charming.'

'_You_ believed me,' I retorted, tensing as he twisted my arm angrily. His look became, if possible, even harder. He was appalled with himself. He'd been conned so easily, because I'd played him with flawless expertise. It was weird...in a way, I'd almost seen inside his mind again. Only this time, he'd been willing to share with me his innermost feelings. His "love" for me.

His eyes closed and he hung his head, still straddling me to keep me still. 'If I didn't know any better...I'd say that you're being rather _cruel_, Susannah Simon.'

'I did what I had to,' I said.

'That doesn't make it any less cruel,' he snarled coldly. 'Exploiting how I feel for you like that – '

'To save_him_!' I cried in defence. 'To save him from that wasteland you send him to!'

'Oh,_yes_,' he said, venom in his mouth. 'Him. It's always him. Everything you do is for him. You're so fucking _selfless_, aren't you? If you really cared about him, you would have just let me get rid of him from the start. But no...you had to drag this pain out for him so you wouldn't have to live a _second_ without him BURDENING you like he does!'

'You have NO idea what you're talking about!' I screamed up at him, frightened that what he was saying was true. I remembered the insanity into which Jesse had been sliding the last time I saw him. What would he be like if he ever returned? Would there be anything left?

'You say you hate this...me, but there's that little spark of evil in you that can't get _enough_ of me,' he spat, jerking me to catch me off guard. 'I saw it the first time we made love – ' I scoffed furiously at his word usage, ' – for the tiniest second, I saw it in your eyes...the thrill of the darkness, the pain. You belong in my world – he's the _only thing_ that keeps you here. The only thing that makes you think you're so far above me, when in truth, you're dirt just like I am. We were given these powers for a reason, Suze...they're not for doing good. Why don't you think there's any fancy, consequence-free resurrection spells in our line of work?'

'Because it's not the natural order of – '

'No, because we're not _supposed_ to help ghosts. We're not good. We're shifters. We're from the darkness.'

'You're wrong,' I said heatedly, trying with futility to escape from beneath him, where I always seemed to end up... 'I say that with absolutely no doubt. I don't, for a second, believe that I'm evil like you want me to be. Even with your little friend's mind-fucking. He tried to corrupt me, but he couldn't do it.'

'He's just _starting_ with you,' Paul snapped. 'You haven't seen anything yet.'

'It doesn't matter!' I shrilled. 'It won't work! I'm not _like_ you!'

Paul groaned, and fell silent, which was almost eerie considering the speed and volume at which our previous arrows of exchange had been thrown. I stared at him intensely, hate burning in my eyes.

'...Don't you understand yet?' he said painfully. 'Suze...I'm trying to_save_ you.'

'From what?' I demanded.

He jammed his eyes closed, looking as if it hurt him to say this. '...From what I have to do to you if you won't change.'

'I think you've done it already,' I said bitterly.

Frustrated, he sat back, releasing my wrists and instead grabbing his hair. 'Why did I drink…?' he murmured hatefully to himself.

I sat up, my legs still firmly trapped beneath him. I could have gotten free, but there was something he was struggling to hide from me, and I needed to know. I could feel the proximity of information that was as dangerous as it was necessary to hear.

'You don't get it...' he muttered. 'Suze, if I can't make you like me... then I have to _kill_ you. It's nothing to do with me. It's...what we're apart of. Something... bigger.'

My eyes widened.

Oh my God... He – he knew about the cycle as well.

'...You_know?_' I gasped in horror. 'You've known all this time? About...us?'

He looked at me sharply, but then looked away. I think the pointed way in which I'd said "us" had caught his attention.

'We're the two forces of our generation,' he shrugged. 'Dark and light. The rules are, if we meet, I have to...'

'What's it all for?' I asked desperately. 'What's the point?'

'Power,' he hissed. 'Our side has been waiting for...something. One of the dark shifters will be...different from the rest. He'll have this_amazing_ gift that none of us have known. And I think it will be me...'

'Cocky much?'

He sneered. 'More than we can say for your side. You just keep losing. Or, like your previous spokesperson, you won't even have the balls to show yourself to us.' He gave me a meaningful look.

Father Dominic...

'He didn't know anything about this!' I said desperately. 'He wasn't – he wasn't _afraid_ of you or anything. Your grandfather, I mean. He didn't know what he was supposed to be representing!'

'And now my stupid Pops can never die a natural death. He's trapped in that skin, suffering from disease of the body and mind because your stupid priest was a coward,' Paul barked. 'If I told you how old my grandfather _really_ was, your skin would crawl.'

My world was spinning, faster and faster by the second. My mind craved answers. I couldn't believe it. He'd known all along what we were.

'What do the ghosts have to do with it?' I asked breathlessly.

'Absolutely nothing!' he groaned in exasperation. 'Like I _said_, Suze...they're not apart of this. They're just...scum. Which is why it's so _wrong_ that you involved him in a game that's supposed to belong to just you and me.'

I was confused. 'How is turning me evil supposed to save me? I thought you said your side had to kill me.'

'Killing that annoying force of good within you is enough,' he said. 'That's what Gabriel doesn't know. He thinks I summoned him solely so you'd be evil enough to stop hating me. While that's...partly true, it's also to make it so you – '

'Why don't you just kill me?'

Paul froze over me, his eyes softening. '...I can't.'

I sat up further, so my face was closer to his. He stiffened in caution, thinking that I was trying to trick him again. 'Paul...' I beseeched. 'Please...can't we just end this twisted cycle? Then it'll be over... No more pain or fighting.'

'I don't know how,' he replied thinly. 'And even if I did, I wouldn't. I'm waiting until I inherit my power...'

'How does my side win?'

He snorted. 'You _don't_,' he replied spitefully. 'That's the thing about the White Hats. The only way to win this? Yeah. That would be murder. You champions of good can never lower yourself to that – and when you do, you end up suiciding the force of good within you _yourself_, meaning that we win anyway. So it's a lose-lose situation for you. By default, our side _always_triumphs.'

'But why – '

'Question time is over,' he smirked, anger on his lips. 'So, now you've got the idea of what exactly we got ourselves into...'

'We didn't choose this,' I said coldly. 'It chose us.'

'Be that as it may, we've still got to make the best of our situation. _I'm_ rising to the occasion quite ceremoniously: I've got a plan to save you, _and_ deliver my own happily ever after. When you're like me, I won't have to hurt you like I do now. I may be evil, but, despite what you believe, I do love you, and I don't like…' he trailed off, before finally shrugging nonchalantly and continuing with his speech. 'Your side can't do anything. You're just our means of continuing the cycle while we wait patiently for the gift that was promised to us millions of years ago. It's older than time.'

'What is it?' I asked, well aware that he'd probably keep this tidbit to himself. But he seemed to be thrilled by saying the words aloud.

'Unlimited power...' he purred. 'No more running low, being ruled by what I can or cannot do. With this, I can do anything...it's beyond that of a shifter. It's like...being _God_.'

I gasped from a massive chunk of déjà vu.

He laughed at my expression. 'Yes... it's total control, Suze. Even if I can't turn you evil...when I mature into my power, I can still use them on you to make you do anything I want. I can bend your will so_easily_. And then, when all is said and done, I can kill you, just like the rules dictate – only after getting as much use of you as I can, of course... I'd give it about ten years. Who knows? Maybe I'll finally be able to follow through with that little strangling thing. Hopefully I'll be bored of you by then...'

My skin was cold and ashen.

He wanted this – this _hell_ to go on for years...

'I don't care what power you end up inheriting,' my voice was rusty with terror. 'You can...make me do whatever you like. But you'll always know one thing. I will _never_ kiss you the way I did tonight, like you mattered. You believed that some part of me loved you. From this point on, you will never know what that feels like, to live in that delusion... I will never give you my willingness again.'

His smile faltered.

This apparently had been something of which he was agonisingly aware.

'We'll see about that,' he scowled.

Finally, he got off from on top of me, backing away. 'And so,' he grinned. 'This is where we are now, Susannah Simon. Two opposing forces. Light and dark. Fire and ice...'

'Fire and water,' I corrected him fiercely.

'But Suze, I've _frozen_ you,' he reminded. 'Remember? We all know a battle between fire and ice is completely one-sided...'

Solemnly, I said, 'Until ice finds it within herself to melt...then she will_crush_ you.'

'Yeah, right. Good luck with that.'

And with a curl of red light, he was gone.


	22. Dying Forever

**Forced it out, even amidst the most important exams of my life. **

**Dedicated? Yes. Stupid? **

**Also yes.**

**Anyway, I just wanted to request something... **

**A lot of people read this story and don't review. While that's a little disheartening, we get it that not everyone's going to. However, could you maybe make a special effort to, this time? It's just kind of disappointing when only one in every twenty people bothers...**

**I dunno. I guess I'm a whore like that. I just need to know what people are thinking.**

**Personally, we'd much prefer to get five longer reviews commenting on what happened, predicting what'll happen next, threatening to cut the testicles off of some characters, hoping that others will grow a backbone, etc, rather than twenty "Update soon!"s, so it **_**really**_** isn't about the review count. One of my favourite reviewers is Bridget – she's always got something intelligent to say, and I certainly appreciate that. **

**So just yeah...maybe, if you don't usually hit that bar at the end of a chapter, can you do it this time? We're dying to know what's going on in your minds. I know we've definitely lost readers who truly disliked the darker direction we went with the story, and that's fine. You should see the hits, haha. Only a quarter of the original readers are still hanging on. Thank you to everyone who did – we **_**won't**_** disappoint.**

**We'll**_**always**_**update this story****, even if we get no feedback for some reason. Just feedback truly is inspirational, and it's just really nice to know that we're making people think and getting them involved in this twisted journey.**

-F&I-

The moment I woke up that morning, I wondered how much of last night's events had truly taken place. It seemed like a blur of surrealism – of dark, blood-letting rituals summoning tall, fair-haired, black-eyed men who bewitched the mind and plagued the senses; of professions of love from young boys in Batman socks; of impulsive seductions gone wrong; of revelations about the dangerous game we were caught within…

My watch dully proclaimed the time to be eight fifteen. If STAB hadn't given up, I could have been working right now. I sighed with a little sadness at that thought. I missed by job at that bookstore, and the enriching world I'd entered as an employee there. It had, for one, allowed me to meet Robbie, for which I was very grateful. With a tired yawn – I'd had, at tops, three hours sleep that eventful night – I turned towards the window seat, the words, _'Morning Lily…'_ prompted to come tumbling off my lips when I saw with a shock that she was absent.

For two whole seconds, my heart stopped entirely.

Then I remembered… I'd forced her to go to the rectory.

With Father Dominic.

Groaning, I realised my mistake. In my haste to get her to safety, I'd overlooked the whole betrayed-by-my-one-true-love attitude that Father D was harbouring at the moment. Not to mention, I hadn't given her the okay to return when I knew it was safe, since Paul had made it clear he'd lost interest in turning her into a sludgy substance. He'd lost that fight, and had become bored with the idea of revenge against Father Dominic…or at least while he posed no threat.

It was probably best to get over there and see how things were playing out between the priest and his lover from the past. Who knew? Maybe they'd sorted it out. Maybe they'd made up completely and were spanking each other senseless, wrinkles and all. With my own best interests at heart, I kind of hoped not.

Mom and Andy had already left for work, so I was only met with a bleary-eyed Brad in the kitchen, scoffing breakfast. Well, cold left-over pizza, anyway. He was fully dressed – then I remembered that he had summer school. 'Hey,' I said casually in greeting. I didn't expect a response – possibly a belch in acknowledgement if I was lucky.

However, I was surprised when he suddenly grunted, 'What the hell's that?'

In confusion, I narrowed my eyes at him. 'What's what?'

'Your face,' he replied, wrinkling his nose.

'Oh, you're so funny,' I said scathingly, but he quickly swallowed his crust and said, 'No, serious. Your chin's like, dead.'

I spun around and looked into the reflective surface of Andy's silverware and moaned in woe. Half-hidden by my hair but still plainly visible was a large bruise along my jaw.

'Shit,' I scowled, dragging more layers of hair over my stained skin. 'Looks like an attack of foundation is in order before I leave the house – '

'Who did it?' Brad asked me.

I turned to stare at him, my eyes widening a little in shock. 'What do you mean, who did it? _No one_ did it. I'm just really clumsy.'

He didn't reply, instead turning back to his pizza. He had a steely look in his eyes though, which surprised me. He almost looked... I don't know...

Concerned, again.

I went to head upstairs when he said something that made me freeze.

'I know something's happening, you know. I'm not stupid, even if you do call me Dopey. And you forget that my room's right beside yours.'

Turning for a second time towards him, I shot him a furious look. 'Yeah, I picked up on that – hence why you had to rat me out to my mom about Jesse. Thanks a bunch, Dopette.'

'Dude, how was I supposed to know she'd start hating on you?' he demanded. 'Jeez, just trying to – whatever. What I'm trying to say is...I dunno. You know... I _know_.'

'I haven't any godly idea what you're talking about,' I said stiffly.

'What's he got on you, anyway? Sex-tape that he's threatening to post on Youtube, or something? Slater, I mean,' he screwed up his face in distaste for the guy in question.

My grip on the staircase railing became firm, the skin of my knuckles straining over the tense bones beneath. 'I don't–'

'Yeah,' he interrupted, 'You do.' Then he stopped and rolled his eyes. 'Whatever,' he shook his head in some disgust for me. 'I just...I just don't get why you can't jump him and grab him by the shorthairs in that annoying way you do. I guess I thought you were...better than this.'

My face fell.

That really hurt me.

He must have noticed, which shocked me again – perception wasn't one of his most notable qualities. 'But you know, maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe you always look like you're gonna pull a gun on yourself when he shows up randomly for dinner. I dunno who was more pissed that night – you or me,' he snorted. 'Guy's a total fag.'

I tried to laugh it off, but I just...couldn't.

'Whatever,' he said for the third time. 'It's just freaky seeing you like this. All pathetic. Like a girl. You know?'

I blinked quickly, trying to look away, but I couldn't.

'And...' he concluded, looking a little ashamed, 'Yeah. Sorry about your mom. That sucks, how she's riding you right now.'

Hastily, I nodded, and ran back upstairs to shield my scars with more care. If Brad had noticed...I was in big trouble.

-F&I-

Now armed with a mask of the heaviest concealer I owned smeared across my skin and carefully bended into my complexion, I drove my Bug over to the Mission, my mind whirling with recollections of that conversation with my not-so-dopey stepbrother. How thin _were_my walls? How much had Brad heard? He didn't know everything, obviously. Just that something was wrong with Paul Slater.

_Seriously_ wrong.

Man, I thanked _God_ that, whatever Paul had done to me, it had never been in my room...

My brain was still analysing every single 'loud' encounter I'd ever had when I finally pulled up at the rectory. Ignoring three tittering nuns who were hanging around the entrance offering their warm welcome, I ran directly for Father Dom's little house-apartment thingie. Before I'd even knocked though, I sensed a terrible chill that made me bleed within.

I guess that Senior Spanking theory was completely out.

I hammered on the wood and literally inside seconds of my demand for entry, Father Dom's face appeared at the crack between the frame and the door. 'Oh, Susannah,' he said when he recognised me. 'It's you. Come in, come in...'

He'd been mighty eager to get me inside. As if I was a very welcome distraction from his other company.

Scanning the room, I noticed Lily standing in the far corner with a bitter, determined look defiling her face. When I entered, she glanced over at me and her eyes softened a little in relief. 'Suze...' she breathed. 'Goodness, I was terrified that you were hurt...'

'Everything's okay,' I assured her hurriedly. 'I mean – I think you're out of the woods, Lills. He doesn't seem too obsessed with blowing you up anymore. I think he just got bored of the idea when he couldn't get to you.'

'Good,' Father Dominic said strangely. Not like he didn't mean it – I hardly doubted he wanted Paul to have a party with Lily – but like he was trying very hard not to care either way. He was doing an excellent job, too. His hard voice made Lily's gaze with me falter nervously.

Only then did I fully appreciate the hell I'd put these two through last night. From the looks of it, Father Dominic hadn't slept a wink since the arrival of his former belle. However, it didn't appear much conversation had gone on. They both looked just as sour and upset as the other. I imagined that at most, a few painful barbs had been thrown. Otherwise, they'd both endured a terribly loud silence.

I cleared my throat a little, and they both looked back at me attentively. 'When I said that everything was okay before, I didn't mean that as literally as it came out,' I admitted. 'Yeah, Lily's not in critical danger anymore – and even if she was, my room won't protect her now... he broke through whatever I was accidentally doing...just a big-ass physical barrier, I think – but Paul told me a lot about what we're involved in.' I gave Father Dom a pointed look. 'It involves you too.'

He frowned. 'How so?'

I drew a deep breath before launching into any hefty explanations. This was gonna take a lot of explaining...and since I didn't know nearly as much as I wanted to, a lot of questions would go unanswered.

'Okay,' I began, perching myself on the edge of his worn, brown couch. 'Remember that cycle theory my crazy brain concocted? Well, it's real – in a big way. Paul told me all about it last night – '

'Willingly?' Father D looked sceptical. 'He simply..._gave_ this information up?'

'It was one of our more civil conversations,' I declared. 'It was shop-talk, really.'

'Go on,' Lily urged.

'Anyway. He said that him and I were involved in this really old game between...er–'

'Light and dark,' Father Dom said for me. I stared at him curiously, and he said, impassive, 'Games of this nature are not unique, Susannah. The universe is a twisted, cruel place. Humanity is often toyed with for the amusement of higher powers of which we know not.'

'These higher powers suck _major_ ass,' I scowled bitterly. 'But yeah. He basically said that "unto each generation a slayer is born," only replace "slayer" with "shifter", and we got ourselves a perfect match.'

Lily stared. 'How is this game played?'

With a grumble of anger, I replied, 'It's not. Not really. _His_ side just has to make mince meat out of me. According to him, we can never win.'

I left the whole turning-me-evil thing out for the time being. It just seemed...unnecessary.

'Kill you?' the old guy's eyes went starkly wide in horror. 'Mother Mary... he actually plans to try and murder you?'

I nodded gravely, sinking down onto the cushions of the couch. 'He sure does. Apparently, his side have been playing this game because they're waiting for this nifty power to appear somewhere down the line, and Paul's convinced that he's gonna be the one to land it.'

'Do..._we_ get something similar?' Lily asked.

'Nope.'

'That hardly seems fair...'

'"Fair" died a _long_ time ago,' I laughed without mirth, staring at my fingers. 'Like I said, there's a delegate for each side every generation or so. Guess who the last one was?'

'Who.'

I looked away from my hands, instead fixing Father Dominic with a heavy gaze. 'You.'

Staggered, he sat down next to me. '_What_? I – surely not. I knew nothing _about_this...'

'Which is the only reason that you're still alive,' I said. 'Otherwise, Paul's grandpa would have hunted you down and killed you long ago. He didn't find you. Now he's suffering the punishment of failure.'

'Punishment?' Lily winced a little.

Recollecting what Paul had told me yesterday, I swallowed tensely. It was scary to think of Dr. Slaski being trapped inside a deteriorating body that just wouldn't expire...

'Dying forever,' I said.

Lily gasped, looking as if she wanted more details on this particular aspect of my dreadful story. Father Dominic, however, shushed her a little harsher than necessary and turned back to face me, perplexity stirring within his eyes. 'I too am apart of this..._game_?'

'Right you are. So, my job now is basically to do the impossible. For our side to win and for the cycle to end, I gotta kill Paul. Only... the minute I do, apparently, we lose anyway because killing is an act of evil which means I'm not good anymore. So we're screwed. Unless you know how to defeat a paradox,' I added dryly.

Within my mind, something roused irritably. Assuming it was a headache, I pushed it aside, trying to focus on the delivery of vital information.

'And so–'

_Susan._

'Yeah?' I stared at Father Dom expectantly.

He blinked. '...Sorry? You were saying something and–'

'You said my name,' I told him. 'Wrong, by the way.'

'I did no such thing, I assure you,' he promised me, his brow furrowing.

_S-Susan..._

I stood up quickly, glaring around the room with suspicion in my heart. 'Okay, I _know_ I heard that,' I snapped at no one in particular. My eyes scanned the rooftops, as if expecting to see Paul's summoned bitch-boy, the Corrupter, perched on the rafters, grinning down at me smugly. I didn't see anything of the sort, though.

'Susannah? Are you all right?' Father Dom stood up also, placing a hand gently on my shoulder in concern. 'Here, sit back down…perhaps you're just over-tired–'

_Answer me, you silly girl! I know you can hear me._

I jerked away from the priest abruptly, shoving a palm in his direction to silence him when he began to question by strange behaviour. 'Just shut up a second...I'm trying to listen...'

'To what - ?'

'Shhhhh!'

I strained my mind, searching for the source of the voice, willing it to speak again. Across the astral distance, I replied, and then patiently waited a response.

_You don't recognise me?_ The voice seemed almost insulted; annoyed. _Kids today. Never pay attention to anything. Typical, is what it is._

My eyes snapped open. Ugh.

'Dr. Slaski...' I whispered, so quietly that my company couldn't have possibly heard me.

_I need to see you, girlie. We have to have a little chat._

I ground my eyelids together in concentration. This was so strange... I was having a long-distance conversation with another shifter inside my head. I responded to his invitation with my concerns on how we could possibly meet at a time like this, when Paul was watching my every move.

_Good point. All right, I'll see if... maybe... God, I just know this is gonna take the life out of me – now that would be something – _

The voice, choked with exertion, was suddenly cut off. For a second of panic, I feared that our exchange had been discovered and ended by an eavesdropping third party. However, a startling roar of pain made my eyelids fly apart in shock as a swirl of a nasty purple light cleared to reveal a very old, sick man sprawled on the floor.

'Bugger,' he grunted. 'Knew the wheelchair wouldn't make it the trip.'

'Oh my Lord!' Father Dominic stumbled backward in astonishment. That moment passed before he descended into charity. 'I'll go get the courtesy chair from the storage room,' he spluttered, fleeing the room. With great care, Lily and I rushed forward to help him up from the ground.

Only, the minute Lily had caught sight of his rheumy, yet unmistakably notorious blue eyes, she screamed shrilly and released him like he were on fire. I suffered his full weight as he sagged against me with a growl of shock. 'Nice one!' he barked angrily at her. 'Stupid, ruddy ghost...'

'Watch your mouth,' I gave him a hearty shake as I heaved him onto the edge of the couch. He could barely support himself; he was just so old. With snake-like eyes, he sniffed in disdain at Lily, before his face went kind of misty. '...Have we met before?'

Lily was too devastated to speak. Her fingers hid her shaking lips as she slowly backed away from him, terrified.

'Yeah,' I said snidely. 'For about thirty seconds. Before you exorcised her.'

'They usually stay gone,' he replied coldly. 'What's her excuse?'

'Your charming grandson brought her back to torture her.'

If I had hoped that this would have any shock value, I was disappointed. Dr. Slaski looked distinctly unmoved. In fact, his lips kind of twitched into a smirk that was eerily familiar. 'I may hate the little shit, but he's got spunk.'

I was about to let loose my fury when Father Dominic returned, pushing a ragged wheelchair through the narrow doorway. 'It's a little rusty, but it's the best we've got, my friend. I apologise–'

'What the bloomin' hell is this?' Dr. Slaski demanded. 'I'm not getting in this dodgy lookin' thing. That gaylord Greg has wiped my_nethers_ with better junk than this.'

'Disgusting...' I glowered. 'Don't expect any royalty treatment here, Doctor–'

'Now, Susannah...' Father Dominic said in warning, doing the whole high-road routine. Even his voice had changed to that lecture-y one he usually adopts when I've been punching teeth out of ghosts again. 'This gentleman has obviously approached you seeking your help, so perhaps you should–'

'Don't waste your breath,' I sighed at the priest. 'Seriously. He doesn't deserve it.'

'Excuse me, missy! Friar Tuck over here had it about right! A little _respect_ for your elders never goes astray!' he babbled, his lip quivering in outrage of his treatment. Crossing my arms, I stared coldly at him, before noticing out of the corner of my eye that Lily had backed against the wall, a look of horror plastered across her face. 'Lily,' I said gently, 'It's okay...he won't hurt you. He's so old now, he'll break a hip if he tries. And if he doesn't, _I'll_ break it for him.'

'Aggression is never the answer...' Father Dominic persevered patiently.

Lily's eyes flickered to mine fearfully. 'I'm sorry...it's just...hard for me to–'

'Grow a spine,' Dr. Slaski scoffed in disgust. A definite prejudice towards ghosts was extremely vocal. 'I exorcised ghosts every day...you don't see _them_crying over it.'

'Would you shut your goddamned _mouth_?' I retorted, maddened. He smirked crookedly at me, seeming to be enjoying himself. 'I should have dined with the Players a long time ago,' he mused. 'Feels good to be this alive again...'

I ignored his psychobabble, instead opting to sigh heavily to try and calm down. God, he was just so _infuriating_.

- Paul, with wrinkles!

Father Dominic looked mighty puzzled, but was too polite to demand answers as to who the hell this old coot was, not to mention why his ex had gone all catatonic at the sight of said old coot.

'Okay,' I prayed for tolerance. 'I'm calm... Now, what was so urgent that you had to barge in here?'

He glared distrustfully at Father Dom and Lily. 'How do I know they won't tell the bastard that I'm here?'

'Oh,_please_. We're the good guys,' I said rudely. 'Start talking.'

He shifted cantankerously, trying to support himself on the arm of the couch, but his elbow slid and he lost balance and winced in pain. It was kind of sad to watch. As vulgar and arrogant as he was, I couldn't help but pity him. He was just so old and frail – it hurt to see, really.

'That little scab did exactly what I feared he would,' he said in a solemn tone, trying to build atmosphere. 'He summoned a powerful entity of evil...he brought forth the–'

'The Corrupter of Innocence,' I cut him off. He twitched in surprise. 'We've met.'

'You...survived?' he looked – if I wasn't mistaken – a little impressed.

More or less.

'Is there anything else you wanted to say? Because that was pretty useless. Like usual.' I was looking forward to getting him out of here. I'd wanted time to explain to Father Dominic that this pathetic, elderly prick of a man had once been not only an insanely powerful shifter, but also his unknown rival. Lily still hadn't recovered.

Dr. S swelled up importantly. 'As a matter of fact, it's not – but I think I'm too offended by your sharp little tongue to–'

'Then leave,' I shrugged.

Irritated that I hadn't begged him for information, he deflated. 'Fine,' he scowled. 'I came to...offer my expertise to you. I can't imagine you're going to make it through this alive without me. You haven't exactly shown any talent in escaping...tricky situations with my Paul.'

An evil glint in his eye twinkled knowingly at me.

My eyes widened in panic.

'Okay,' I said quickly. 'I'll accept your help.'

However, my efforts to hurry Dr. Slaski out of here were in vain. At that precise moment, Father Dominic issued an almighty gasp of rage. 'This is Paul Slater's _grandfather?!_ Susannah! How could you – after what he _did_ to my–?!'

Just great.

God, this was such hard work...

'Father D,' I tried to pacify him, 'I know this is really, really difficult for you. And especially you, Lily,' I acknowledged her with a sympathetic yet pleading look. 'But this is important, so can we just postpone this argument for a little bit? You can yell at me for not telling you the truth as soon as he's gone–'

The priest totally ignored my request. Instead, acid poured into his voice.

'You_knew_?'

Dr. Slaski observed us with mild interest. 'Much better than _Young and the Restless_...' he concluded.

'There's a lot I know,' I said. 'And I will tell you, just–' This was all wrong. I had to lay it all out here, otherwise I wouldn't hear the end of the questions. 'Okay, fine... Father Dominic, meet Oliver Slaski, Paul's evil little grandpa.'

'That's_Doctor_ Oliver Slaski!' said Dr. S.

Whatever,_Captain_ Jack Sparrow.

'Do you two even know what...?' I began, but the Doctor chuckled with hostility. 'Of course I knew. I knew the second I entered this foul room. I knew I'd recognise him the second we met – he stinks of the same ruddy force of good that you do. It's suffocating; sickly sweet, like being force-fed too much honey–'

Really didn't want to think about how good Father Dom tasted, thanks.

'What is he talking about, Susannah?'

Ugh.

'You know how Paul is Lex Luthor to my Superman?' I quipped.

Irritated by the pop culture reference, Father Dom nodded warily.

'Er, yeah. Well, Superdom...this is your Lex Slater.'

'The one who is supposed to kill me?' he said, toneless.

'Was,' Dr. Slaski grunted. 'I missed my chance. I mean...I _could_still kill you...' he added with a twisted grin, 'But that wouldn't do me any good now, would it? I'd still be stuck in this rapidly aging sack of skin for eternity...'

'You can't die,' Lily whispered softly from far behind me. We all turned to look at her – more in surprise that she'd joined the conversation again – but she quickly fell silent.

'Nope. Can't live, either...'

I paused for a second, remembering something he'd told me a long time ago – how he was only able to talk lucidly whenever he was in my presence and that he wasn't, as I'd assumed, faking his incapacitation. I then recalled something he'd thrown out mere minutes ago.

'What did you call us before?' I enquired out of the blue. 'The Players?'

He grunted. 'Well, yes. You _are_, after all. Two generations, four Players. Three of which are in this room. One of which is off God-knows-where having a tea party with that _thing_.'

'You're..."alive" around us?'

'I can communicate with you two,' he nodded. 'And the boy. No one else. I failed my task of destroying my contender... I should be long dead, girlie. I'm a dead man walking...only I'm wheelchair-bound.'

I grimaced.

That was a pretty terrible fate.

'Which is why,' he pressed on, 'I want to help you end this damned thing once and for all. I want your silly little side to win for a change – then it'll be over. Then...I'll be free of this hell. With the end of this cycle, I'm pretty sure I'll finally be able to die.'

Of course.

'Such a Slater thing to do,' I responded mordantly. 'Make sure you're getting something out of it first, of course. No concern that I might lose my _life_ in this sick competition between good and evil–'

He snapped crankily, 'Hah! Don't you blame _me_ for your fate, you little brat. I told you to stay away from him from the very beginning! _Now_ see what you've done! He's called on that damned Corrupter! It could have been a quick and painless killing for you if you had have just stayed away. He could have fulfilled the rules without batting an eyelid. Who would you have been, except some pretty girl? But no...' he accused, '_you_ had to go make him fall in love with you! And where's it gotten you? Your stupid ghost is gone, probably lost to that Forgotten Plane forever, and I can't _sleep_ from all your screaming at night as he–'

'SHUT UP!' I cried desperately, glancing wildly at Father Dominic's expression which was slowly dawning with comprehension...

'No...' he breathed.

Lily had gone quite white. She too knew to what the Doctor was referring.

It was done now. That terrible man couldn't drag his words back. He stared indignantly back at me, as if to ask what he'd done wrong.

'I've...asked you before, Susannah,' Father Dominic's voice was impossibly gentle. 'What does Paul make you do when he forces you to spend time with him?'

'What do _you_ think?' Dr. Slaski snorted irreverently. 'Look at her! Of _course_ he's obsessed with her–'

A savage Father Dominic sent the most withering look in his direction, rendering the Doctor completely silent.

Terrible flashes weaved their way sinuously back inside my overwhelmed mind; even closing my eyes didn't block them out. I inhaled sharply, trying to find the strength to answer the priest's question and just be honest for a change.

'Dominic...' Lily whispered, distressed. 'Trust me. Don't.'

I opened my eyes again. Father Dom was staring at Lily in horror, as if he wasn't really seeing her; more like he was seeing everything he'd missed out on.

'Oh, Susannah...' he lamented in misery. 'I am _so__sorry_...'

I shrugged awkwardly, feeling quite fragile after that painful reminder. If it was any consolation, Dr. Slaski didn't look quite so pleased with himself anymore. Even he detected the trouble he'd just caused.

'All those times you said you were fine–'

'Drop it,' I ordered. 'We've...got stuff to finalise here.'

Father Dominic went to press on, but Lily was now standing beside him. With her delicate hand on his shoulder, silently telling him to back down, he settled once more.

His eyes, however, killed me.

They were so sad.

It was Dr. Slaski who cleared his throat loudly to get us back on topic. 'Anyhow...now we just need to work out how to beat that mongrel of a grandson,' he said with new determination. 'I'm pretty sure that everyone in this room has just about had enough of him. Some more than others – no pun intended, respectfully.'

He just _couldn't_ help himself.

Such a Slater...

'I can't kill him,' I explained. 'Not only would that not end the cycle, but...I just can't.' The bite in my voice had vanished. I almost mourned it. In its place, it left exposed truths.

'Well, that's what we've got to work on,' he mumbled. 'Working around the impossible. I used to have texts on this game, but they've long since been stolen by the boy. If you could just sneak into his room–'

'_No_,' Father Dominic said sharply.

'I can do it–' Lily suggested bravely, met with my 'No!' which was equally as intense as Father Dominic's had been.

'You could always will them here,' Dr. Slaski shrugged.

I stared blankly.

'Oh, for Pete's sake… haven't you been teaching her anything?' he griped at Father D, who gave him a look of deep dislike. 'Utterly useless, the _lot_ of you…'

'How do I will something?'

His eyes closed tiredly, and his face twisted in a distortion of pain as his body tensed severely. When the wave had past, he just looked back at me wearily. 'I'm…tired, Susan.'

'You are not leaving until you tell me how the hell I – ' I began hotly, but he'd already begun to dematerialise. Furious, I yelled a, 'Don't you _dare_!' of protest, and a white hot light snaked from my arms and wrapped around him firmly, refusing to let go until he'd stopped glowing that sinister purple colour. Once again, he looked impressed at this display of power.

'...Not bad,' an appreciative grin spread across his face. 'We'll make a shifter out of you yet.'

'Tell me how – '

'Oh, all right! So pushy. Just close your eyes,' he instructed. I was waiting for more instructions, but he barked, 'Close them!'

With a jolt, I did so.

'Picture the books in your mind – '

'I don't know what they look like.'

'Then just think about them! Obviously! Now, breathe in deeply, hold that thought inside your brain, commit to it… and draw them to you. Watch them disintegrate, dematerialise…'

I obeyed.

'…And now, feel them reappearing. Feel their weight, breathe in their smell – '

After an alarming series of thuds, I squealed in shock. My heart staggered from the surprise. Although around me suddenly were hundreds of books…

'Oops,' I said.

'Either the boy has been seriously collecting,' Dr. Slaski drawled in annoyance, 'Or you got distracted.'

'Sorry,' I muttered. 'I think I got a couple of million books from STAB here as well – ' I froze, my eyes landing on one title in particular. 'Wait! This is one of Paul's books!' I yanked it out of the pile eagerly. Okay. So I _had_ willed all of his books here. Only…yeah. It was going to take a lot of sifting through.

Damn.

'Oh dear,' Lily sighed. 'That's going to take a while to sort out...'

Father Dominic was still staring at me, looking lost. 'Perhaps we should focus on that tomorrow. Right now we should...talk, Susannah.'

I shook my head. I _really_ didn't want to.

Dr. S coughed violently, interrupting the awkwardness. I almost welcomed it. At first, I'd wondered if he was trying to do it on purpose, but he really appeared to just be...you know. Sick.

'Anyway,' his throat sounded clogged with phlegm. 'This has been intriguing. We should really do it again sometime... but I ought to get back to that ridiculous glass house of mine before the boy returns from his little visit to-'

He stopped talking suddenly, and a strange look overtook his face. I narrowed my eyes at him. 'Little visit to where?'

'Nowhere.'

I stamped my foot angrily. 'Look, I _know_ you're hiding something, you leach. Where is he?'

He shifted uncomfortably on the couch, not meeting my eye. 'He's been going there more often, especially after whenever he sees you. When he's mad. He laughs about it. Says he needs to vent his anger. To hurt you in a way which you can never know...'

'Tell me where Paul goes, Doctor.'

My heart pounded erratically.

He sighed.

'To torture your dead lover, of course.'

..._No_...

Father Dominic actually swore. The Doctor sat up straighter. 'Well, I'd best be off - '

'No!' I screamed at him, rushing at him and physically grabbing his arms to keep him present. 'You can't just - no!' My head swam dizzily from the violent sickness that diseased my whole body. My God. I'd wondered sometimes how I'd been so lucky when Paul hadn't gotten really angry at me. Now I realised that he'd been taking it out on Jesse in my place. I remembered back to my second dream with him, when he'd truly threatened to lose his mind. He'd refused to believe it was really me, claiming that Paul had sent him tricks to fool him; to drive him crazy.

I gasped.

Jesse wasn't safe where he was. He was trapped, a permanent, powerless sitting duck for whenever Paul needed an outlet for his rage. Oh, the things Paul could do to him with his powers...

'Susannah, we'll sort this out,' Father Dominic tried to soothe my terror but I was only focused on Dr. Slaski.

'How do I get there?' I demanded, my voice shaking terribly. 'I can't go in my dreams this time. It's too unpredictable - I _need to see him_ - '

'Go the way he does,' Dr. Slaski suggested with annoyance. 'Now get your grubby little hands off of me, girlie - '

'HOW?' I exploded. I shook him roughly, which made his eyes roll back in his head momentarily before he replied, a little panicked, 'Through...Shadowland. You need...the right door.' I released him, realising that, despite his cockiness, I couldn't manhandle a sick old man like that. 'There are seven planes of existence, Susan. The Forgotten Plane, the secret one, is the eighth. Find the Eighth Door, and you will find your ghost.'

'I just count down the doors?' I said quickly.

'They're not in order...'

_What_?

Groaning, I staggered back, my hands shaking. This was a nightmare. This was hell. Jesse was in serious danger...

Without a moment's more thought, I stared levelly at Father Dominic and Lily...

...And I shifted.

-F&I-

The misty, perpetual corrridor was all too familiar as I pelted past a blur of numbered doors which jumped from 63 to 4956, back to 11...

I stopped, panting. How was I supposed to find the Eighth Door? What if Jesse was hurt, _now_? I needed - I couldn't WAIT -

A hand on my shoulder suddenly made me shriek in surprise as I whipped around, my arms tensed to strike... but it was only the Gatekeeper, guardian of the Shadowland. He looked at me impassively, his form flickering eerily. 'Shifter...' his voice rumbled. 'We meet again.'

I struggled to catch my breath, even though I didn't need it up here. 'I don't have time for pleasantries,' I said quickly, doubting very much that he would have asked me how life had been going for me anyway. He knit his brow and stared curiously. 'I just need...I just need you to take me to...' I gasped. 'I can't breathe...'

'Why does fear grip you so?' he questioned.

'I need to find the Eighth Door,' I wheezed, supporting myself on the walls of the hallway. Tendrils of fog weaved wickedly around my arm as if trying to lock me in place and take me prisoner in this terrible place. The moment I moved, they dispelled into thin air.

'What business does this shifter have with the Eighth Door?' he asked. 'You do not belong there.'

'Just take me there!' I shouted angrily. 'What the hell is with the twenty questions? It's not a big ask - '

'It is not safe,' he replied stonily. 'Terrible things have been happening on the Forgotten Plane. Do not go there.'

I grunted furiously, before seizing him by his shoulders warningly. 'Look, bud. It's nice that we get on so well. Really. And it's cool that you look out for me. Appreciated. But - and I mean no disrespect, since this is your home and you've done a lot with the place - I really _hate_ Shadowland. So when I show up here, it's usually for a very good reason. Right now, that reason is to get into the Forgotten Plane and stop the terrible things that are happening. Because, you know who they're happening to? My _boyfriend_. So if you're _not_ going to help me, then you're going to need major plastic surgery by the time I'm finished with - '

He pried my hands away from him stiffly.

'Do not threaten me,' he growled. '...But I will take you to the Eighth Door, shifter.'

A little stiffly, I replied, 'Thank you. And...sorry.'

He didn't acknowledge my apology; instead, he placed a large, crushing hand on my shoulder and we both disintegrated into particles of non-existence before reappearing before a large, old wooden door with a rusty brass doorknob that matched the crooked number eight at my eye-level. I breathed in relief and went to thank him again...but he was gone.

I was alone.

Trust Dr. Slaski not to have mentioned that there was a _sure-fire_way to see Jesse whenever I needed to. I swear to God, that man was as selfish as he was ancient.

Drawing a deep breath. I moved my hand forward to get a grip of the Eighth Door's brass handle –

- Only it had opened before I'd even gotten a chance. As the door was yanked back by whatever dwelt inside, I heard a distinct shout from far beyond; a furious voice roaring in purest pain and hate, '_SLATER_!'

'Jesse!' I cried, launching into the cavernous world of the Forgotten Plane...only I didn't get very far; instead, I collided with a sick thud into a broad chest that radiated with heat...

Fingers enclosed tightly around my upper arms to break my fall. 'Jesse – ' I breathed –

'Guess again,' Paul advised.

I looked up in horror. Then I began thrashing, trying to rip past him into the Plane, yet with a grunt of exertion, he threw me back through the door. I skidded along the slippery, invisible glass and crashed into the opposite wall. The Eighth Door was slammed on Jesse's yells of rage.

I'd been _so close_.

'What did you _do_ to him?' I shrieked, scrambling back up to my feet and shoving him back against the wall. My eyes were wide in a fear and panic that devastated my entire body, causing it to shake non-stop. 'You sick fuck! You've been coming here just to torture him whenever you feel the need to _let off steam_?!'

He chuckled, especially at our proximity. His face was glazed with sweat, and he was breathing even harder than I was. He'd obviously been very involved in his persecution of Jesse before I'd interrupted him.

'What the hell _is_ this deal?' I screamed at him, my voice crackling in utmost despair. My world of shattered dreams was corroding into nothing. 'You tear him away from me, make me _sleep_ with you... and behind my back, you go and test out your shifter tricks on him anyway! How is that fair? I've done _everything_ you ever _asked_ me to, Paul! What more do you _want?!_'

His smirk hardened suddenly. '_Nothing_ in life is fair,' he said coldly. 'Just like you thinking that a worthless ghost like him is worthy of you. Over me.'

Loathed tears slid from my eyes. He saw each and every one of them. I felt so ashamed of my weakness...

I slid away from him, shaking uncontrollably. 'Just let me see him...'

Paul laughed openly at that. 'You've got to be joking.'

He turned, drew a brass key from his pocket, and locked the door. 'Nothing by this will open the Eighth Door,' he said complacently. 'And no one but me can touch it. You're not going to see him for a _very_ long time...unless he, by some miracle, busts out. But that's about as likely as Good winning that twisted game we play.'

I cried silently before him.

'_Please_, I just need to see – I'll do _anything_...' I begged, quivering.

He raised his eyebrows. '…Kiss me, and I'll let you see him for one minute.'

'That's not enough time!' I moaned.

'Tough. That's my final offer.'

Crying heavily, I moved closer to him, kissing him fiercely with frozen lips. His hands slid to the small of my back and he arched me into him with a groan of approval. My heart was staggering and my eyes were raining eternally. Finally, I pulled away, breathless and expectant.

He smiled grandly down at me. 'And you claimed that I'd never have your willingness again...'

Too much emotion congested my mind to even _begin_ to explain to him what willingness was. 'Let me in,' I said weakly.

He cupped my face with affection.

'No.'

Outrage seized me and I went to argue heatedly, but he just chuckled. 'While that was definitely one of our more enjoyable kisses – you're quite the little minx when you're motivated, Simon – it just wasn't _quite_ up to scratch... Better luck next time, I guess.'

'You promised!' I yelped in horror. I'd just given away a precious kiss, for nothing.

'Do I have to remind you which side I'm on in this game?' he scoffed. 'Promises are _made_ to be broken. Well, at least mine are. Let's not pretend that you weren't a vicious little liar last night, promising _me_ things you never intended to surrender.'

'But I – '

'Goodbye, Suze.'

He faded into nothing. I launched myself at the door, kicking and thrashing and hammering, trying to blast it with my power; I clawed and screamed and swore until my fingers bled.

Nothing would open the Eighth Door.

-F&I-

**As far as any disapproval goes with Suze's unexpected weakness at the end of the chapter, just remember: she just heard Jesse was being**_**tortured**_**, she's scared, miserable, lonely, panicked and desperate. Take away any one or two of those factors, and she certainly wouldn't have agreed to Paul's little offer. **

**And I love Dr. Slaski, lol. **

**He's SO Paul at eighty. **

**Steph's been teasing me, offering for us to include a Lolly/Slaski lemon. I politely told her to shut her face.**

**But anyway...**

_**Please review**_


	23. The Corrupter

**Golly, that response was amazing! Guys, thank you so much. You so don't have to do that every chapter, just yeah…every now and then just to let us know where your thoughts are at is all we ask. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us how you think this is going.**

**I just wanted to say, Steph and I are used to death threats against Paul in this story. They're awesome, and I swear, us fan-girls have the most amazingly creative murder methods!**

**But Mel's just takes the cake:**

"_**Also, I don't mean to sound like a homicidal psychopath, but -  
Paul should go CUT HIS HEAD OFF with his OWN HANDS and then BURN the head and then SPRINKLE IT WITH SALT AND EAT THE HEAD. With his FEET. And then after that, he should systematically proceed to his arms, legs, stomach, etc, until all that's left of him is his Little Paulie, which he would then be sent somewhere where it would be publicly mocked and ridiculed into insanity."**_

**It was so…chronologically impossible. I loved it! I laughed for like, ages.**

**This chapter actually turned out longer than we expected, and we had to push the main part until the beginning of next chapter. Furthermore, the ending of **_**this**_** chapter is a little strange – however, it's the lead-in to what's happening next chapter. Don't make too much judgement just yet…it's not what you think, and it has purpose.**

**Once again, thank you so much.**

**We love you ALL.**

**Your humble Fice-hosts,**

**- Lolly and Steph.**

-F&I-

I don't know how long I stayed there, slumped against the door with my fingertips gently pressed against the wood, trying to sense him on the other side... I had no idea if he was able to feel me there - if he'd heard me before. I tricked my mind into believing that he was sitting right behind the door, doing the same thing, gently speaking to me, promising it was all right... that we would meet again soon. That he would find some way to escape.

Long after the tears had dried up, I opened my eyes and stared with an empty gaze down the never-ending corridor. Fog clung to my skin coldly, turning my complexion a stark white. Searching within myself, I tried to find the energy to keep pounding on the door in my attempts to free my lover. But I just couldn't.

I'd never felt so lost.

...So powerless.

It was true that Paul had always been an enormous threat. But when he'd stolen Jesse, despite my despair, part of me truly believed that if I suffered long enough, if I waited, that he'd finally be returned. Not by Paul - but through my bravery, or Jesse's own determination to escape.

Now, I knew.

That was never going to happen.

We just weren't strong enough to do this on our own. I just... I missed him _so much_. It physically hurt every moment of the day, just _knowing_ he wasn't there - that he was hurt, trapped and far away. I hated this...

I had no intention of leaving soon. Back on the physical plane, it was loud and bright and fast. Despite my hatred of Shadowland, at least it was quiet here. And this was the closest I was going to get to him.

However, my intention to stay didn't seem to mean much. Because a moment later, I felt my spirit sliding away. I tensed in shock, before I started shouting, 'Wait - NO! NO, I'M _NOT_ READY TO _GO_ – '

But my unconsciousness was being dragged away against my will, and I felt myself dematerialise suddenly, before landing with a dull thud on a cold stone floor...

Before I'd opened my eyes after the painful arrival, I could feel it - that transcendent chill that seeped into every inch, cavity and fibre of my body, deadening my limbs and initiating a slow ache. I groaned, heaving myself up carefully to avoid tempting the pain to become more of a nuisance. Then, I looked around at the strange place I'd been summed to.

It was unlike any room I'd seen before. It was long, large, and empty. Solid, grey stone covered all surfaces. Along the walls, twins of tall stone pillars lined the edges. There must have been over twenty pairs. Despite its fairly streamline appearance, I could still sense an otherworldly vibe that chilled me further. Some parts of the monotonous walls were charred and blackened as if fire had once taken its wicked toll in this dead room. Dull light flooded the space, but I could see no source. The air was choked with black mist.

Then, I turned to look at the other end of the room and saw something that seemed so out of place in this world. I hauled myself to my feet, my eyes narrowed curiously. There, with large stone steps leading up to it, was what appeared to be a pool of silver...

The iridescent water cast dim, glittering and ever-moving reflections all across the roof. I stared at it, mystified by its unexpected beauty. It made my mind go blank as it completely consumed my thoughts.

Except one.

...Where _was I?_

'Finally, my dear _Virva,_ you have arrived...' said a voice behind me luxuriously.

I tore my eyes away from the silver pool and spun to meet the lazy smile of Gabriel, the Corrupter. He tilted his head slowly and regarded me slowly, with a look of appreciation. 'You shine like a pretty penny...'

And he was right. I hadn't noticed until then, but when I finally glanced down at myself in confusion, I was _glowing_. A bright white light flooded around my form. Just like in the Forgotten Plane.

'Where am I?' I demanded.

He grinned, showing perfectly white teeth. His fair hair gleamed in the light of my radiance. 'Oh, I apologise, my child... This is my humble home. We are very, very far from where _you_ are from.'

This wasn't exactly the most comforting thing he could have said. I mean, I doubted he meant that we were in Australia or something. Because at least _that_ would have still been on the planet.

This place was...something else.

'Okay...' I mumbled, taking a cautious step back. 'Nice place. Really. The black smoke thing - love it. And the pillars? Symmetry is really coming back, you know. I was actually curious about your cute little pool thingie - '

He continued smiling creepily, watching how I flickered with light. I retreated another step, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans. 'Anyway, I probably shouldn't be intruding like this so - '

But my attempt to shift back into my body was thwarted when he raised a hand and hissed, '_Stay_.'

I couldn't resist it. I tried to leave, but...the will to go had been crushed.

He was controlling me again.

A little freaked now, I shrugged. 'Okay, okay. No need to go all Jedi on me.'

Chuckling, he took moved away from me, finally looking anywhere but at my glowing form. 'I brought you here for a little chat, _Virva_,' he explained. 'I believe that here, we have complete privacy.'

'You've got something to say that you don't want Paul to hear...?' I raised an eyebrow. Always intriguing, I guess.

He shrugged casually. 'Of sorts...'

At that point, he slowly began to circle me. I swallowed, nervous. Despite his burnt suit and with that long train of fair hair falling down his back, he seemed so...predatory.

'When the boy called upon me, he never explained to me what was happening,' he said with a little irritation. His footsteps were slow but constant, continuing to walk around me. It was all I could do to not spin with him for fear of turning my back on him and being caught unaware. However, I remained facing the glittering pool with a determined expression. He was trying to intimidate me.

I wouldn't let him.

'What do you mean?' I asked with an even voice. Although I had a pretty good idea.

He scowled, suddenly quite angry. 'The boy gave me an impossible task,' he said, bitter. 'To corrupt your innocence... to turn you. At first I thought I was losing my touch. I'd whisper to you all hours of the day, tempting you, willing you to do wrong. I plagued your mind for every waking moment. But you never heard me. Only at night could I have any chance of touching you - and even then, you were adamantly invulnerable to my corruption. Frustrated, confused, I investigated you further...'

He stopped pacing suddenly, glaring at me sharply.

'You were one of the _Players_,' he said heavily, as if it should have been perfectly obvious. 'You_can't_be corrupted. Not by me, in any case. You represent the other side and all that they stand for. I should have never been allowed to interfere in this game.'

I stared. Why was he telling me this?

That was when a devious smirk accosted his lips with sinister grace.

'However...'

How a single word suddenly put me on edge so severely, I did not know. My eyes looked at his with intensity.

Gabriel tossed his head arrogantly. 'You _may_ be of some use to me. Ever since I saw you, I've wondered...'

'Wondered what?' I asked quickly, my edginess rising tenfold.

His brow furrowed slightly. 'I can't imagine words will give me any confirmation,' he reasoned.

And then, with snake-like reflexes, his hand shot in my direction and expelled a swarm of black energy that blasted me back against one of the pillars. I screamed on impact and then fell uselessly to the stone ground. Struggling to breathe from the sudden pain in my chest, I crawled to my knees and snapped hotly, 'What the _hell_ was that for? You are going to GET it, mister!'

'I'd like to see you try,' he goaded, launching another attack with speed I couldn't comprehend. Before I knew it, I'd flown twenty feet in the air as the ground beneath me exploded in a mess of broken rock. And then...gravity happened again and I crashed to the broken floor.

My hands were sliced on the shards of stone and I winced in pain. Did I provoke this? What was he doing?

'You're going to just sit there?' he demanded. 'How so very like the side of Light. So weak...' A third attack hit me with full force, and a web of sharp pain seared throughout my body hotly.

'Stop it!' I yelled, furious.

'_Make_ me,' he challenged, and his arm swung in a powerful arch, before I was struck again. Only then, through the pain, did I have the presence of mind to actually defend myself. I remembered back to what Father Dom had taught me... As his next attack was thrown, I willed a physical barrier around myself.

It was so feeble that it shattered within seconds, and his abuse rained down on my once more. My hands were covered in my own blood. I staggered behind one of the pillars fearfully, trying stupidly to hide from him.

'My my, you _are_ inexperienced,' he drawled.

'Of course I am!' I shrilled. 'Normal people don't go BLASTING each other, R-tard! Never really felt the need to - YIKES!'

That was inspired as he severed the pillar shielding me. It crashed heavily where I'd been seconds earlier. I scurried to the next one rapidly.

'Then you must learn quickly, _Virva_.'

'Stop calling me that!'

'Fight me.'

'I don't know _how_!' I moaned.

The second pillar shattered and I screamed. Weakly, I tried to do that blasty thing I'd managed a couple of times, but it only succeeded in throwing off the aim of his current attack by a few feet - which I guess saved my life. He didn't even look like he was giving me all he had - instead, he just looked extremely disappointed in my efforts.

'I will destroy you,' he promised. 'Game or no game. And then I will destroy all those you hold dear, one by one. First your ghost... then your priest. Then the child that cares for you so...'

_Robbie..._

'I like blood, _Virva_,' he grinned. 'I like the way it seeps from the body after the skin has been torn. Slow cuts... they're more painful. I'll take the child, and I'll make him suffer like your mortal mind cannot conceive. I have an eternity of inspiration, after all. Humankind has discovered some of the most _delightfully_violent ways to torment one another...'

'Shut up!' I shouted angrily. He was threatening Robbie.

'And even then, he won't know true pain until my mercy has worn thin - '

'SHUT _UP!'_ I roared.

...It happened quickly. I didn't even realise what had occurred until I was staring at the debris before me. As the dust settled, I lowered my bloodstained arms and just stared at the chaotic wreckage. The room was...no more. Only the sparkling silver pool at the very far end remained intact. Everything else was broken, bent and shattered beyond repair. Gabriel was nowhere to be seen.

I started breathing harder than ever. All I remembered was the massive explosion of light that had pierced every inch of the room, turning it to ash and fragment.

'Excellent...' breathed his voice from behind me.

I went to whirl around, but cold fingers clamped forcefully on my upper arms in prevention. 'See, _Virva?_ See the destruction you're capable of? Isn't it just...beautiful?'

I gulped, terrified of myself.

For some reason, he seemed satisfied. 'You may leave now.'

Not needing to be told twice, I shimmered away immediately, shaking.

-F&I-

'There's nothing you can say that will help!' a feminine voice shouted furiously.

'You don't know that,' came the reply with some hostility. 'Just stay out of this, Lily. I've known her longer than you - when she bottles things up, she seems fine, but on the inside, she's dying. She needs to talk to someone - '

'Why does that have to be you?' Lily sniped. 'She'll talk to someone when she's ready. Dominic, you couldn't possibly understand what she's going through at the moment - '

'And you could?' he scowled.

'You know very _well_ that I can,' she said scathingly.

Father Dominic fell quiet. 'I'm...I'm sorry. I'd...forgotten.'

'Obviously.'

Her voice was ice-cold.

'It wasn't easy being an Oakie back then - no one even believed me when I said anything. But Suze's situation is completely different. I was...that was one time. Suze on the other hand... She's not telling you to protect you, Dominic... she already knows that she can't control what's happening. She _can_ control the people around her though, and what they'd try to do to Paul Slater if they found out. Look at yourself! Tell me, if I wasn't here lecturing you, that you wouldn't have tried busting out that door to go teach him a thing or two. Only to get yourself killed.'

'Lily,' Father D said warningly, 'Don't - '

Then he sighed sadly.

'I just...wish this didn't have to happen to her...' he mumbled. 'Not her...'

There was a brush of movement, and Lily's voice was whispering something too low for me to make out. Finally, I stirred - and the two of them rushed to break apart from each other. Don't get excited. She was just touching his shoulder gently.

'Susannah!' Father Dom said alertly, rushing over to help me, but Lily grabbed his arm again, fearing he'd crowd me. 'Are you all right?'

I nodded wearily.

'Is Jesse...?' Lily asked delicately.

I cast a despondent gaze, and she frowned sympathetically. 'I'm sorry.'

'Paul's been torturing him,' I said. 'As you probably gathered from Dr. Slaski's words before. And Paul stopped me from getting to him up there...' I pointed at the ceiling, for some reason. 'He wouldn't let me see him.'

I felt stupid for actually asking. Of _course_ he wouldn't.

There were hundreds of books strewn in a pandemonium around me, originating both from the Second Time Around Bookstore and also from beneath Paul's bed, where he kept his dark stuff. I wondered if he'd noticed its disappearance yet... in any case, I thought it was best to hurry up and find what we needed before he got the chance.

'We need to search these,' I jerked my head at the texts.

'Ah yes, for clues on this cyclical game,' Father Dominic nodded, but I quickly informed him that my curiosity regarding this war between dark and light was on hold, in favour of some research on Gabriel.

'Who?' said Lily.

I shrugged. 'Just the most recent of a series of pains in my ass,' I muttered tiredly. I needed to know more about the Corrupter. I had no way of knowing the meaning of my confrontation with him just now, but that didn't matter. What did, was that he was a serious threat to the people I loved and he needed to go to hell.

And _stay_ there, this time.

'Okay,' I instructed, 'Firstly we need to go through all this stuff and sort out the useful from the crap.'

'Can't you just...will the separation?' Lily suggested. Open-mindedly, I tried...but I was too beat from the uber-attack I'd just suffered. Although my body was perfectly healthy - bruised chins aside - my soul was still wounded. And I don't mean figuratively. Within my skin, I could still feel the blood on my hands - only when I glanced at them, they looked fine...

I didn't tell them that, though.

'Old-fashioned way, here we come,' I pretended to be jovial as I sank to my knees, throwing books like _Moby Dick_ and _Great Expectations_ into the corner of the room while keeping interesting titles like_Maleficus_ just behind me.

It was boring work. After about ten minutes, my cell phone sounded shrilly, startling me quite a bit. After clearing that it wasn't Paul Slater, I answered. 'Er, hey Cee...I can't really talk right now - '

'Suze, I've been trying to call you for hours!'

I highly doubted that Father Dom would have answered any phones ringing on my unconscious body. And I wasn't exactly ready to take calls back then. 'Right. Sorry.'

'It's been days since I heard anything from you,' she said in breathless anxiety. 'I wanted to call, but I thought you needed space - but Suze, enough's enough. I'm going out of my mind in worry here. Are you okay? Has Paul...done anything?'

Remind me not to mention to CeeCee my midnight make-out with the drunken Paul Slater. Even if I did hurriedly explain that it was for deception purposes. I doubted she'd show me the same concern ever again. 'I'm alive, aren't I?' I said jokily. 'But I'm busy trying to get some other evil loser off my tail, so I can't - '

'Can I help?' she said quickly.

'No.'

Of course she could. She was amazing at research - that is to say, she didn't fall asleep like me - and she was resourceful. But I wasn't going to give the Corrupter a chance to smoosh her and then wax poetry about her blood.

'Suze,' she said, a little forcefully, 'I may not be big or scary, so I can't fight him for you. But I _can_help if you'd just let me try. I need to help. Where are you?'

'You're not putting yourself in danger,' I snapped. 'Just stay away.'

'Who is it?' Father Dominic asked.

I turned away from him with a look of _shhhh!_ 'Cee, I love you way too much to let you.'

'Was that Father D?'

'Ye- um, no.'

'I'm coming right now.'

'No, CeeCee! Don't you dare! Just - '

With a beep, she'd ended the call. Furious, I rounded on the priest. 'Now she's gonna show up _here_ because you opened your trap!' I said angrily. 'Where else would she think priests like to hang?'

Father Dom looked a little offended. 'Who are you talking about?'

'CeeCee, of course! She wants to help _research_.'

'Why is this a bad thing? She'd be very useful,' he reasoned.

'BECAUSE SHE'LL GET SMOOSHED!' I cried.

Father D refused to see the negativity, instead valuing CeeCee as an excellent resource. By the time she showed up, I was pretty sour. 'You shouldn't have come,' I said grumpily. 'You're gonna get yourself killed, you realise.'

She shrugged. 'At least I wouldn't be home, sitting on my impossibly pale ass and wondering if you were safe.'

'Don't joke,' I advised. 'You have no idea what you're getting yourself into.' She just looked nonchalant, as if whatever I was worried about couldn't have possibly been that dangerous. Which was exactly the kind of attitude that was going to get her hurt. I really should have put my foot down, you know. But...I guess I just missed her too. What with the bickering ex-boinkers going off at each other every five minutes, I just needed back some of the normality I missed...

CeeCee caught sight of the books cluttering the floor and let out a low whistle. 'What on earth happened here?'

After I quickly explained our task – sorting the relevant from the irrelevant and then proceeding to research anything to do with someone known as the Corrupter – she was completely onboard. That's the thing about CeeCee…give her a job to do, and she's kind of scary about getting it done as quickly and efficiently as possible. And I guess she felt even more obligated to do it right, sensing a growing danger in this situation.

'Father Dom,' I gently touched his wrist as he was separating Paul's books from STAB's, 'Is there anything else you can be finding out about this? You said back after…' I glanced over at Lily, standing in the corner given instructions not to behave in any ghostly way so as not to freak out CeeCee, '…after Lily left, that you got into contact with some pretty hefty people in your little emo year. No offence. But yeah…you don't know how to…get any information out of any of them, do you?'

He stared at me strangely.

'While I'm startled that you're beginning to retain information, Susannah,' he smiled kindly, 'Many of these people are long dead…'

'Many? Some might still be alive? Some can help?' I pressed on.

He sighed. 'I guess…I shall see what I can do.' He went into his bedroom to what looked like his bookcase, leafing through until he'd plucked a small red address book from the selection. With a curt nod, he went to leave but I had one last request.

'Take Lily with you,' I told him. 'She's no good to us here. And she can materialise back here quickly if you find anything useful.'

He narrowed his eyes a little as if I had a hidden agenda for asking such a thing, but I just stared back firmly. I really didn't. I mean, if they _happened_ to have a Deep and Meaningful or two in their travels, could I really have prompted that? No.

With a grumble, he agreed, giving her a jerky nod and they both left.

'Who's Lily?' Cee asked as they left. I looked over her in surprise, and then admitted a little weakly, 'Oh, er…Father Dom's "Jesse," I guess.'

'Father Dominic is gay?' she hissed in shock. 'Wow…it's like Dumbledore all over again…'

'No!' I said quickly, adding, '_Not_ that there's anything wrong with that. No, Lily's a girl ghost. Back in the day, they had a thing…it went badly, she's back, Dom's depressive, et cetera.'

She looked solemn. 'Wow. Doesn't look too hopeful for you and Jesse then. I mean…she made him become a _priest_.'

Thanks, CeeCee. Really.

So there we were, CeeCee and I, for the next hour. We were going through texts. Very exciting stuff. Some had titles such as _Runes, Curses, and Writings of the Pre-Historic Celts_ and _Demons and Evil Spirits of Ancient Legend._

I know, esoteric much?

But it's not like we really had much of a choice. Though, considering how technical these texts were I wasn't sure if we had any hope of actually finding any useful information. I didn't understand why any of these academic types couldn't just put their info in easy to read entries. Or - God _forbid_ - searchable databases.

Although, God bless St. Cee of the Research... Whatever she was looking through was providing her with much info on the Corrupter of the Innocent, if the constant scribbling and scrunch-y face were any indication. Eventually, I put my book down in frustration.

My loud sigh piqued Cee's attention. 'I know...' she sighed. 'There's just so much information on him, but it's not really helpful.'

'And it's all, like, really vague and _way_ over-dramatic,' I complained. 'Like, "_and he came unto us and infected us with his trickery and when he was finished he smote us_." Creepy, but stupid when you think about it. If they were all smitten – I mean, smote, how were was he able to document – '

Cee's eyebrow rose, and I realized my off-topic-ness. 'Sorry. Anyway, look…this one's dated 1692 by someone in Salem...' I said, a little panicked. '"_And the Devil's soldier hissed in their ears lies and slander, playing upon the hysteria and punishing the many innocent lives as if for sport."_ Damn,' I muttered, blown away. 'The Corrupter even played apart in those witch trials. I guess he'd probably have been involved in most parts of history where humankind been downright bitchy…'

'Golly,' CeeCee breathed, grabbing the book I was reading and quickly scanning the passage. 'If he caused that much chaos with only a few whispers of in the ears of some Puritans, just imagine – '

'I know,' I shifted nervously. 'He's definitely bad news.'

We returned to our books, finding several other mentions of the Corrupter in some of the darker texts, such as his origins and his purpose. He really was older than time...not that I knew when time started, but…yeah. He'd been around a _really_ long time, ever since there were beings to be tempted into the less moral aspects of humanity. After about ten minutes of researching in this manner, I spoke up again.

'So…' I said. 'Robbie tried to kiss me…'

CeeCee's book fell off her lap violently as she turned to me, her eyes wide. 'You're joking!' she exclaimed. 'I mean, I knew the kid was a puppy dog if I ever saw one, but I didn't think he'd _actually_ – you know.'

I looked at her a little sheepishly. 'Yeah, I know. Neither did I. I think he's just…lonely.'

She looked sympathetic. 'Poor Robbie. How'd he take it?'

I stared down at my book, not really wanting to look her in the eye. I mean, I knew things were complicated, but I still unkind for shooting him down. Which I shouldn't have. Felt unkind, I mean. I just did. 'Okay, I guess. I…I told him about…you know, Jesse, and he understood. But his face was just so _crest_-fallen.'

'First love,' she nodded sagely. 'It's a real bummer.'

'I don't think he's in love with me,' I reasoned. 'I mean...like I said, he's kind of alone. He doesn't have many friends because he's so shy, and his mom pretty much scares everyone else away. And forget girls. And then Adam, you and I come along and we just…show him what he was supposed to have, you know?'

'Not to mention, a complete babe paid attention to him for once,' CeeCee gave me a pointed look. 'But I agree. I think he loves the idea of you and how special you made him feel, more than the actual you. I guess he just wants to be close to you. I get that. Wanting to be near others that make us feel good about ourselves, or make us better people…'

I crudely thought about Paul's motivations for wanted to be around me. If anything…my being near him just made everything worse…

Suddenly, CeeCee flinched and barked, 'Wait – _Callie!_'

I jumped, startled and confused. 'Um, Cee? I'm Suze, remember…?'

She shook her head immediately, 'No, I meant…you know my little sister?'

I strained to remember. 'Callista?'

What was it with their family and weird names? I couldn't even _remember_ her baby brother's name. Remington or something. Weird…

'Yeah, Callie,' she grinned. 'Wow, I didn't even think of it before… they're in the same grade, too. Well, she's goes to JSMA and he goes to RLS, but…they're actually _really_similar. I mean, Robbie's into comics and drawing and stuff, and Callie's got like, a shrine to Neil Gaiman, that comic writer. She wants to breed with the Sandman,' she added with a grin.

I smiled. I wasn't sure how I felt about trying to hook Robbie up with someone who we thought he might be similar to… I didn't want him to feel like I was shunting him to the side or anything. I just really wanted him to not be so lonely.

Then I remembered Callie Webb. It had never occurred to me before, because Cee's little sister was always so quiet. But…they were very alike. And they were the same age. Not that age difference really mattered – that _wasn't_ the reason I was swearing off him, Jesse aside, by the way. Two years is not a big deal. But even though he was wise almost beyond his years at some points, like when we were discussing our belief in a higher power like God… he was still very young – I'd only age him too fast, I knew that.

At that point, I grinned widely. 'You may be onto something there, Webb.'

She shrugged. 'I have my moments.'

'Yes. CeeCee Webb's good ideas are few and far between,' I said sarcastically.

'Oh, I really hope we can get them together,' she said earnestly. Then, with a slightly bitter note, she added, 'At least _one_ Webb girl will be getting some male attention.'

I made a face. 'What – '

…Oh.

'Still got it bad for the McTavvers?' I clicked my tongue, and she nodded ruefully.

'_Bad,'_ she emphasized. 'He's stubbornly avoiding my every effort to, you know, give him a hint. Or maybe he's noticing, but he just doesn't…you know. See me that way. Which is okay, I guess... can't _force_him to like me. I guess there really isn't much –'

'Hey,' I stopped her nonsensical ramblings. I detected the beginnings of some self-conscious rant about how she had nothing going for her, or whatever. 'Cee, you're awesome. Don't start on that whole anti-ego trip. These things take time. I know it's probably taking way to long for your liking, but you need to just let it happen.'

She grumbled a little. 'I know. And I know it's _nothing_ compared to what's happening right now, just – '

'I will _always_ listen to you,' I said.

'But I'm being stupid – '

I gave her a fierce L'Oréal because-you're-worth-it-look, and she settled down again.

So, we settled down and started back into the researching. It really was exhausting looking through all these books. It seemed like the Corrupter was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Mentions of him are scattered throughout time. Different names, different places. He wasn't lying when he said he was old. This guy got around. And it seemed like he got his rocks off by creating trouble and incidents. Riots, fires, death, terror. Apparently some people question whether or not he had some involvement in the Nazi regime. But in all these incidents he never really... well, got his corporeal on. He always just... whispered. This scared me. Deeply.

I mean, I've dealt with my fair share of evil. But this guy…he just suggested. He was like...the _potential_ of evil in humanity.

All he did was give these people a little nudge. They had evil inside them from the very beginning…

A chill went down my spine, and a frightening thought occurred to me.

…Did I just need a nudge?

I mean, what did this game mean? Was I protected from the Corruptor simply because I was representing a force that his side was opposed to? Is that what made me untouchable? Take that away, and…would I just be the same as everyone else?

Did I just have a _title_ to shield me? Without it…was I just as capable of becoming evil as Paul was?

No…

No, I was…I was a good person. Well, I tried to be. I did the right thing whenever I could, right?

Angrily, I shook my head. I was dwelling on this too much. I guess it just scared me to think that, if it weren't for this stupid game, I could have been corrupted to _hell_ and back by now…

Suddenly, CeeCee's hand shot out and grabbed me. 'Suze…' she breathed. 'I think I got something…'

Rapt, I listened as she started reading aloud. '"_The name Gabriel has appeared hundreds of times throughout history, usually associated with religion since it denotes a man of God. However, this was the name ironically given to one of the most ancient agents of evil, the Corrupter of Innocence. This figure, shrouded in mystery, predates the first records of human existence, existing initially as merely an evil presence within the consciousness until his voice manifested and took form, at which point he fell into the employ of evil_."'

I stared intently at CeeCee's continuously moving lips in some horror. I was dealing with a _major_ player here. Paul hadn't just summoned Evil's kitchen-hand or something. He'd gone straight to the top.

CeeCee read on about him, her voice strained with anxiety. When she got onto something about summoning, I said, 'Wait! Go back to that bit...I think this is what Paul did...'

'Erm,' she readjusted herself so she was sitting cross-legged in her chair, '"_The summoning of the Corrupter is a dark ritual involving, above all things, the sacrifice of innocence. Seven souls are required and in addition, the life of an innocent_."' She paused and gave me a hard look. 'Life? Paul...took a life?'

'He killed a kitty...' I pouted.

'Aww!' she looked devastated. 'A KITTEN? What a _sicko_...'

Girls and their cats. It's weird.

After getting over the felinicide, CeeCee returned to the reading. _'"The sacrifice of the seven is to satiate the Corrupter's thirst for destroying innocence. The seven are pierced in a circular pattern, a ring which binds the Corrupter to the summoner until the completion of the task. Only a higher being is capable of binding the Corrupter fully_."'

I frowned. As scary as Paul was...he didn't really strike me as anything that crash-hot. Was it possible that Gabriel was just...pretending to play along? I mean, I got the distinct impression when Paul first called on him that Gabriel was humouring him a lot and letting him think he was calling the shots.

It_really_ didn't seem like that from my side, though.

'This is disturbing in a very thorough way,' I groaned.

'I don't envy you,' CeeCee looked grim. 'I would never have believed this stuff even existed if it was anyone else but you. This is just too...freaky. So you have to fight this guy?'

'I will,' I shrugged. 'He's been threatening people I care about.'

'That's so strange,' CeeCee frowned. 'In all other accounts, he's very rarely appeared in corporeal form. He's more like a voice who just gets off on maiming the innate goodness of people. From what I've read today - which is a fair bit - he usually doesn't take special interests in certain people. No offence, but why are _you_ so special?'

This made me bite my lip a little in guilt at first. I hadn't mentioned the cycle yet; the game to which Paul and I belonged. However, after a moment, I unbit my lip, because...she was right. This had nothing to do with... the "Players," as we were called. Gabriel had already admitted his incapability to work any mojo on me, due to my somewhat immunity to his corruption since I was just that awesome. So...why hadn't he just packed up and moved along to cause his next Holocaust already, or whatever? Why was he sticking around to make threats towards people I cared about, like Robbie?

Was it just for fun...? I mean, most of his Corruption was psychological, and more so with people that _weren't_shifters. Maybe...the key to corrupting someone like me, Player or not, was through my power. Maybe that's why he was trying to get me to attack him like that...

But even so! What was that supposed to do? I couldn't kill him - I had a suspicion that agents of evil who'd been around long before the Neanderthals had been in diapers wasn't going to get blown up by some amateur shifter, for some reason. And seriously, even if I DID manage to make mince meat of him by some miracle, was that supposed to turn me evil? Killing Paul was one thing. Despite this game, I could never do that because it'd kill anything left within me that I prided. I could never take the life of a human being.

_Or_ a kitty.

But the Corrupter...he wasn't human. He was the purest essence of evil, simply with the face of a man. That didn't make him a human by any means. Destroying him wouldn't kill my humanity, surely.

I just was so confused...

'Can he be stopped?' I asked.

She frowned a little. 'Oh, uh...I'll read some more...'

However, before her eyes even got the chance to lower themselves back down to the pages of the book, a swell of darkness erupted inside my chest and I stood up furiously, roaring, 'NO!' and aiming my hands fiercely at CeeCee. The presence of something terrible gripped me forcefully and my mind cried for release, but a torrent of coal-black light flooded from my hands rapidly, hitting CeeCee and pinning her against the wall with the force. She screamed my name shrilly in bewilderment and pain, but the energy wouldn't cease, and the presence clenched harder, biting into me and infiltrating my mind with its evil intentions -

- Until I suddenly exploded in white light, and the radiance fought the presence away furiously. The black energy stopped hurting CeeCee and she collapsed to the floor, still.

The light around me flickered and died, and with an unbeating heart, I launched myself at her in horror. 'Cee!' I screamed, shaking her. 'I'm _so sorry_, I didn't - are you okay? Please be okay..._please_be - '

There was a gentle murmur of pain, and her eyes cracked open. 'What...did you...do _that_ for...?'

Horrified, I rushed to explain. _'Me_? No! No, I didn't - I'd _never_ - '

'Your eyes were jet-black...' she breathed.

Bent over her in concern, I frowned. 'They...what?' My eyes had gone black? That...that could only mean I'd...

I'd been possessed.

Oh my God. He'd sensed we were getting close to something. And he'd acted out by trying to kill CeeCee to keep that information quiet. He'd used me. I'd actually _channelled_ his power! I knew it couldn't have been my own because of its terrible colour...

God, he was SUCH a jackass!

Running my fingers through CeeCee's hair, I said quietly, 'So, how'd you like your first confrontation with the Corrupter then, Cee?'

She sat up quickly, blanching. 'You were…him?'

With a grimace I nodded. 'Just barged in. Didn't even knock first. For someone who's older than sin, you think he'd have picked up some manners along the way.'

'Stop joking,' she hissed. 'Suze, you…that black light, it – '

'Isn't that an oxymoron? _Black light_?' I asked with a grin. 'Wouldn't it be _shadow_, or – '

'Would you STOP?' she snapped, and I quickly apologized. I'd completely forgotten that CeeCee had never been exposed to something like that in her life. I'd literally pinned her against the wall with my_energy_.

I wasn't being sensitive to her situation.

She was breathing harder than normal, and I touched her arm gently, causing her to flinch slightly. 'Cee…I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to…are you hurt?'

'No… I just…well, if I didn't believe you before, I'd kind of have to now,' she forced a little laugh which didn't even begin to sound sincerely amused. I sighed sympathetically. 'I shouldn't have brought you into – '

'I barged in too,' she argued. 'I didn't knock either. I want to be here, Suze. I need to help you…'

I smiled weakly at her.

'I just hope I'm not going to be saying the same thing to your ghost in a week's time.'

After that little incident of my powerjaculation, we both decided to call it quits in the researching department. I mean, if Gabriel was still invisibly haunting us, making sure we weren't drawing too close to anything dangerous, then I couldn't risk us finding something else that would prompt another attempt on CeeCee's life. We were already playing with fire as it was.

After I'd kicked her out with orders for her to return home and try to always be around other people for her own safety, I sat back down on Father Dominic's musty brown couch sadly. I mourned CeeCee already, and she'd only been gone three minutes. Once again, I just felt so…alone. I could have gotten all the help I asked for – there were so many people in my life who were willing to leap into the fray, seize a sword and start doing battle with my demons, like Robbie, CeeCee, Father Dom, Lily…

And yet, I knew that they couldn't.

They could try to help, sure. But it wouldn't do much good.

In the end, I was going to have to face this alone.

This feeling of loneliness underscored Jesse's absence, running a sharp blade through barely-healed wounds and pouring venom into them. CeeCee -and even the _Corrupter_ had at least provided some distraction. Now, without anyone here, I remembered how much it hurt to be apart from him.

God, how I cursed Paul for keeping me away from him when I'd been _so_ close… there'd only been a _doorway_ between us. Why couldn't things have gone back to the way they'd been before? Before all of this, before the game, before the Corrupter, before…_Paul Slater_.

Everything had been tainted the minute he'd arrived in Carmel. And he just continued to spread his stink of evil, until everything that was good in my life had slowly been degraded.

I had no one to save me from him, either. Jesse was gone, and it had been so long since I'd seen him. My heart _physically_ ached from the separation.

I just…wanted to be held…

I'd almost forgotten what love even _felt_ like.

After scribbling a note to Father Dominic explaining I'd gone home and that I just exhausted, I left the rectory with a heavy heart. Those thoughts of Jesse were really weighing heavily on me. I just needed him so badly…

The drive home was uneventful itself. It was the pulling into my driveway that caught my attention. You see… I couldn't park in my usual spot…due to the silver BMW that stood there in mockery.

My heart seized.

He was in my house.

With clambering feet, I launched out of my Bug, rattling my keys furiously at the doorway. Oh God, what if he'd –

What did I expect to find? My family murdered in their beds? It was like, two in the afternoon. Any self-respecting killer _knows_ that his massacre needs to happen in the dead of night.

All the same, I yelled out, '_Hello_?' in a voice about thirteen octaves higher than was customary. A cold, 'In the kitchen…' came as the reply. Instantly, I hightailed it there and saw to my dread that Paul was leaning casually against the counter as Mom was tying her hair in a swift bun. A coffee mug was on the table. I gave her a slightly accusatory stare, unsure if she'd been duped by any more of his terrible lies about me.

'Hey Suze,' Paul gave me a friendly wave. I scowled at him visibly, and my mother looked a little shocked. 'Now, Suze... gosh, Paul, does she behave like this _all_ the time, or is she just showing off for you?'

Paul chuckled, treating the question as a rhetorical one. 'I was hoping you'd get back soon,' he said eagerly. 'I missed you, Suze… not that your Mom wasn't great company or anything.'

Mom rolled her eyes in an affable way.

Biting the inside of my cheeks to try and stop myself from screaming, I asked my mother a little snidely, 'Don't you have work?'

Her eyes going cold again, she responded, 'Yes. No need to act like a little madam, Susannah. Okay, I'm really pushing time now – you kids have fun. Paul,' she gave him a pointed look as if they'd discussed something in my absence. She didn't acknowledge me any further as she took one last gulp of her coffee, picked up her handbag and left.

As soon as the door slammed shut, I rounded on Paul.

'You have no idea how much I do _not_ want to see you right now,' I said in the most dangerous tone I could muster. Memories of his broken promise came flooding back with full force, and the sting of his betrayal flared painfully again. All I'd wanted was a _minute_…

All of his Mr. Nice Guy airs had faded away and he just smirked at me. 'Oh, come on. You're not still sore about that little thing up in Shadowland, are you? God, what did you expect? For me to let you go see him?'

'You tricked me…'

'Again. You really shouldn't be shocked.'

Hurt, I turned away from him sharply. I knew that I couldn't have _really_ thought he'd let me in. But…I'd been so vulnerable. So weak and desperate, and I'd needed Jesse so badly, and for him to have lied like that, at that moment –

He came over to me and played with my hair affectionately. 'I guess we've now both had our fair share of trickery...

'Get out!' I snapped. 'Just get _out_ of my house!'

His fingers suddenly tightened around the lock of hair he was twisting, and he tugged my face towards his jerkily. 'That's the thing, Simon… looks like your little defences are down. There's no white light protecting your room anymore. So I was thinking… maybe that bed of yours needs a little christening?'

My throat went Sahara dry. 'No…'

He was going to befoul a place that was so sacred to Jesse and me. And he knew it. He was throwing ash into Jesse's face, and was laughing at him.

Paul snickered. 'Now Suze…you didn't think I'd forgotten about this little part of our deal, did you? You've had a nice long rest…so I think it's time to undo all of that healing…'

'We have no deal!' I shrieked at him, my eyes burning. 'I said I'd – and despite that, you _still_… there is _no_deal, Paul!'

He blinked and looked away from me in a calculated way, as if he were reading a script. 'Wow…that…that sucks. Almost makes me feel bad about this next bit, knowing that you didn't agree to it…'

My heart skipped. 'What next bit?'

He eyed me intensely, and I saw a fire roaring with hunger. His lips twitched darkly.

'…_Run_.'


	24. Kiss the Flame

**Jyocka, we loved this - **

**_I hope the next chapter has some non-sadistic Paul-Suze action, which by the end of he decides such a lovely girl as she must not be deprived any longer of her love and gives her back Jesse...and then changes his mind and allows them only two hours together in a room, like the communal visits in Prison Break. A LOT can happen in two hours. And then STAB gets refixed and Robbie falls in love with Callie whom he meets at Father Dom and Lily's wedding which is held after the Corrupter's virtual funeral... _**

**pees self Hehehe!  
**

**Oh, if only...but since when have Lolly and Steph ever shown the slightest bit of mercy?**

**But my darlings, we are nearing the end of this twisted journey...we draw ever closer to the climax now... **

**Scared?**

** You should be. **

**Because you're NOT on Scare Tactics.**

**(...I miss that show... hence why I insist on assaulting you with my lame-ities.)**

* * *

Run. 

That word was his command for me to be afraid of him. He wanted me to cower, to flee like I usually did. I didn't know if I had the energy, anymore. This private game of ours had gone on for so long...it was past our bedtime, and I'd wanted to go to bed a long time ago, but he was determined to make me stay up until we'd finished; until he'd won. But I just... I just couldn't do it anymore. I was so exhausted from it all...

It's amazing, however, that exhaustion such as mine could have been deleted so easily when his hand snaked to somewhere behind me, and returned with one of Andy's sharper kitchen knives. With bloodless skin, I finally heeded his advice and took off, destined for the front door where I'd be out in the open -

Only, as if an act of déjà vu, he appeared before the door before I could reach it, the knife still clutched in his hand menacingly. He laughed at what he'd so quickly reduced me to with his simple threat of violence.

'So you're going to kill me now?' I said furiously.

'Only if I can't save you,' he shrugged.

With darting eyes, I glanced around rapidly for some other means of escape. If I hurried...the back door beside the hot tub room was slightly ajar... maybe he wouldn't dematerialise in time to stop me from -

All thoughts were rendered redundant, however, when I suddenly felt him appear behind me, his arm shooting out and gripping me against him. I screamed, but the knife was pressed against my throat. His mouth was against my temple, and I felt him grin. Cold sweat broke out across my skin instantly. I wasn't sure if he was capable of killing me just yet...God I hoped not...

'Now,' he growled with exertion as he struggled to keep me from running off, 'Let's see what we can't do about getting up to that room of yours - '

'Paul...not there,' I begged.

He ignored my appeals, proceeding to drag me up the stairs with the knife still at my neck. I would have fought harder to get away, only as I mentioned before, I couldn't have known whether he was still shy about plunging that blade into me. Once on the top landing, he twisted me around so I was facing him. 'Come on, Suze... this is what you need. To get over Jesse. To fill all places that belonged to him once...with me.' His teeth found my ear and I moaned miserably. Then, in barely a whisper, he added, 'And I promise you... you won't even remember his _name_ once I'm through with you - '

'NO!' I exploded, determined to evade this, weapon or no weapon. But he shoved me roughly through my door and slammed it closed violently.

This was a precious space, and he wanted to make it dirty. To make it _his_. Oh God, I couldn't let him...I wouldn't -

As if sensing my thoughts, or seeing the look of frightened defiance upon my features, he just sneered, 'You don't have a choice...'

I was going to choose to mess up his _face_ in a second.

Before I could have rushed at him though, he'd already struck - knife forgotten, he'd seized both of my wrists, flinging me on the bed uselessly. If I thought for even a second that we were passed this stage, Paul was here to now prove me so very, very wrong...

It was going to happen all over again.

Like the predator he was, he straddled me quickly as I thrashed beneath him, desperate for freedom. My muscles screamed in agony as I fought hard, but as always, he was just…_stronger_ than me. His face was extremely grim – there was no trace of a smirk anymore, and I was forced to ponder why he was doing this…it just didn't make sense. I thought that he'd long given up on trying to…you know. He'd learnt by now that I'd never love him like that as I was. That's why he'd tried to turn me evil…but that hadn't worked either. The only other explanation my terrified mind could conjure was that I'd done something to really piss him off, and he was just showing me where the power really was.

But I _hadn't_!

He let go of one of my wrists and his hand dove into the pocket of his coat. A flash of hope scorched through me. Thinking that this was the only opportunity I'd get to retaliate, I tried to sock him squarely in the nose with my now free arm –

- Only to be met with cold steel.

He'd just _handcuffed_ my wrist to my own bed.

'_What_? I gasped in horror. He smirked a little, wrenching my other arm above my head and securing that there too. This was…this was just too sick…

'I've learnt my lesson,' he explained casually – if you can say_ anything _casually while you're going all bondage on someone – 'It's the only way to get you more…compliant.'

Panic surged into my throat as vomitous glue. Nausea diseased me and I tried not to freak out completely, because if I couldn't calm myself, then I was nothing…

But – _handcuffs_! Was that why he was doing this? Try out some sick little fantasy? Oh my God…

'We really should have tried these earlier,' he smiled strangely down at me. 'I mean, that night when I gave our friend Gabes a call, they were just there for restraint. But they're actually _just_ the thing we need to make this relationship really special, Suze. This way, you can finally learn what a little something called "submission" is… I was thinking of gagging you too, but…oh well, that can come later,' he concluded crudely.

No, no, no, _no_…

His hands, now completely unhindered, began delving in places they had no right. He stared down at my shirt with a look of mourning. 'Well, isn't that just irritating?' he muttered. 'Really should have gotten that off before…'

That was when the knife reappeared in his hand, and with a swift motion, he'd sliced it open completely. I inhaled sharply.

'Never thought white was your colour,' he reasoned. 'Too pure...'

I jammed my eyes shut, biting back tears and bracing myself for the worst. Paul had no conscience, here. There was just…nothing there. Then, just as he went to dive down to claim my mouth –

- An enormous, _blazing_ blue flash blinded me, stinging my retinas from its intensity, accompanied by a roar of almost sonic proportions. I was left blinded and deafened, tensing against the bonds with alarmed rigidity as Paul's hands froze on my skin, before falling away all together…

And then, as the light gradually diminished, I realised two things. Firstly, Paul was no longer straddling me.

Secondly…there was someone else in the room.

At first I didn't recognise the softly glowing form that was pounding on what appeared to be an unconscious Paul Slater.

But there was no mistake.

It was Jesse.

Several times, I blinked, each time expecting for the vision before me to have disappeared completely. I couldn't know if he was real or not. He didn't seem real…after all this time, I could scarcely adjust to the very concept of him. And yet…Paul was lifeless to his punches as Jesse roared at him in a hellish rage.

'I told you not to touch her!'

Paul, out cold, was violently kicked in the stomach by Jesse, standing over him in a rage. He was shaking like mad, his fists balled so tightly they shone a stark white. His face was thunder like I'd only known rarely before. 'I told you never to hurt her!' Again, a swift kick was delivered to Paul's crumpled body. 'I told you that this…would…_happen_,' he grunted, accentuating his last words with three swift kicks. Then finally, he fell back, panting heavily and pressing his fingers against his temples.

Paul didn't move.

And I couldn't seem to care.

'…Jesse?'

Did I even _dare_ it to be true? That he'd finally burst out of that dreaded Forgotten Plane? My eyes watered slightly and I sat up as much as my bound wrists would allow. His hearing seemed to have been delayed, but when his eyes finally locked with mine, he gasped, his expression softening.

'_Querida_…' he breathed.

My eyes fell closed heavily as I relished every syllable of that word. The way it fell from his lips, how it caressed me with such protection and love… I feared I'd never hear it again. I was Jesse's _Querida_. Not Paul's whore…

As he began speaking again, I opened my eyes. I didn't want to miss anything. I didn't want to let him out of my sight _ever_ again… 'I- I don't know how… _nombres de Dios, _I – ' he unsteadily ran those beautiful fingers though his thick black hair. 'I must have…I don't know how I did, but…' he looked so confused. '…Your room…'

'Jesse,' I repeated, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

He snapped out of his confusion and finally saw what was actually happening. 'My…my God!' he cried, rushing over to me and pulling both flaps of my shirt firmly closed, ever conscious of my modesty. 'What has he _done_ to you?'

'Nothing,' I gushed. His face darkened furiously again, and he rushed over to Paul. I thought he was going to start attacking him again, but was relieved when he returned with a tiny silver key. After a moment of twisting the metal, my arms were freed.

And I threw myself on him.

'Oh, Jesse…' I moaned, hysteria rising hot and fast, 'Are you… real? Please, please don't be a lie… I've – I've missed you so _much_… it's like I've been bleeding inside, and I just couldn't stop it – '

His hand cradled the back of my head, and his other arm gripped me into him tightly. I shook like a frightened animal in his hold. I'd missed this…being held so protectively by him...letting him tell me it was all going to be okay, that he'd save me...

'Susannah…' he whispered, as if savouring my name. He pulled away from me, staring into my eyes. 'I…I cannot believe I am touching you, after all this time…' He ran his thumb down my brow reverently. I felt his familiar calloused fingers smooth against my skin. They trailed over my lips, lingering there – I sighed breathily. He was so warm and gentle…oh God, I'd missed him more than I knew…

And that was when I lost all composure, and the tears came in floods. I buried my face against his neck, shaking and sobbing in…I think it was joy. Relief that I wouldn't have to keep pretending I was strong, when I wasn't…

'I missed you so much, Jesse,' I wept, kissing his neck sporadically. I'd practically avoided his name this whole time, for fear that it would make me remember how much I loved him and consequently how much it was kill me when I couldn't save him. But he was here, and he was holding me like I was the only thing on this earth that he could ever love so purely, and I loved him all over again. He gently rocked me back and forth, returning my kisses with ardour.

Suddenly, I remembered something. 'Are you hurt?' I demanded, another wave of panic seizing me. 'Paul! I heard he – he was torturing you on that plane!'

Jesse stiffened a little, and his face went cold. 'You knew about that…?'

'His grandfather told me!' I said in alarm. 'God, I've got so much to tell you… everything's different since the last time I managed see you…I've been trying to get back, but it's been so hard…'

He stared at me strangely, but whatever thought had entered his mind, he quickly disregarded it. 'It doesn't matter,' he said softly, seeing my apprehension.

I kissed him deeply, breathing hard. This was too good to be true, surely… or was this finally my reward for all that I'd suffered, all the time I'd waited? 'Is_ is_ you, isn't it?' I knew it was, but I needed him to say it…

'It's me, I swear,' he promised solemnly. 'I can't believe you're in my arms right now…it was so cold up there, Susannah… I only had you to keep me bound to existence. Any longer, and I would have surely faded…'

I closed my eyes as a sweet memory was resurrected within my mind. A promise he'd made me long ago. After an internal battle about whether it was right or wrong, I decided I didn't care. I needed him… What Paul did to me was beyond hell... I needed what Jesse and I did to purify all the dirtiness that Paul had left behind...

'Jesse…' I breathed. 'Do you remember…?'

'Remember what?' he asked, gently kissing my face distractedly. I sighed uncontrollably from the delightful sensations I was being granted.

I pressed a finger to his lips. 'The promise you made me... How, when you got back…' I trailed off, sliding his hand to my chest for emphasis.

He swallowed, looking almost stunned. Licking dry lips, he responded, 'Susannah, I was on the _Forgotten_ Plane. My memory, it's…' he swallowed again. 'B-be clearer…?'

A gust of breath slid from my mouth as his fingers slid a strand of hair behind my ear. 'About what you wanted to do the night that…' I cast a look at the body, slumped in the corner of my room, 'when he separated us… Did you mean what you said? Because I want to…'

The stunned look hadn't yet left his face.

'If you - _only_ if you want to,' I babbled. 'I mean…you must be tired and scared from what happened to you, and I – I mean, we don't – it's not even the right place, it was supposed to be back at STAB, in that little room – ' I immediately stopped my selfish words, realizing what I was demanding from him so inappropriately. He'd just suffered God knows what, and the first thing I think about was –

But…I was just so scared we wouldn't get another chance…I wanted to show him all of this love that I had within me, and I'd had to fiercely keep it hidden as Paul had tried to steal it, and it was just laying there inside, unused and dusty…

I moved away from him, flushed. That still didn't excuse my selfishness. I was so unbelievably –

My moving away seemed to have jarred him back into reality, as his next words came tumbling from his lips as if he couldn't force them out fast enough. 'Yes, Susannah – I meant it…yes.' He reached over for me, pulling me back. 'I…I love you.'

Breathlessly, I turned to him. 'You mean…yes?'

He nodded quickly, as if scared that he'd say no.

'Jesse,' I quickly said, 'But – Paul…what if he wakes…' my concerns were silenced, however, when, after another moment of confusion, Jesse merely pointed his outstretched hand at Paul, whose form suddenly disappeared. 'What - ?!'

'He's locked in your bathroom,' Jesse explained.

'But he could – '

'He won't,' he promised me. 'Trust me…'

I ignored the extreme sense of foreboding in his voice, instead letting myself get lost within him… Recklessness dictated me and without further thought, I seized handfuls of Jesse's shirt, pushing him down and crawling over him. My lips collided with his with abandon that shocked even me. It took him a while to process what was happening – but after a moment, he returned my kiss wildly. I couldn't even begin to thank whatever higher power was responsible for his freedom. I was shaking with joy… 'Jesse…' I moaned into his mouth.

Reluctantly, I released his lips and drew much needed air. 'I want you so badly…' I whispered, barely getting any sound out to form the words. 'I love you so much, Jesse de Silva. Only you. It's only ever been you. I just wish that…this could have been better. That you could have been – '

'It doesn't matter,' he said quickly.

I frowned sadly. 'It does…he _ruined_ me…'

'I meant – ' he corrected himself in haste, 'I understand,_ querida_. Don't let him destroy this…'

With new determination, I replied, 'I won't. This is yours… _I'm_ yours.' I bent over him low, kissing him slowly. 'Anything you want from me, it's all yours…'

I was so intoxicated by his presence that I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. But they slid out effortlessly. And they were obviously impacting him; his breathing quickened and his eyes were more alert than ever. His whole body beneath me was tense and hard, and slurs of Spanish came erratically from his lips as he panted, eyeing me. I ran my fingers over that slight but devastatingly gorgeous stubble on his cheek, wishing that this memory would wipe away all the wasted time, for the both of us. All the pain he'd endured, the torture… I wanted to make him forget. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy…

His hands gripped my back possessively, shuddering as my body molded against his. He groaned luxuriously beneath me, whispering my name.

I kissed his neck, slowly untucking his shirt from his pants. I pulled myself up, bringing him with me as we both remedied his shirt-having issues. Getting the picture, he too pushed away my already wrecked top – it slid off like butter. He just stared at me, as if awed. There was still that strange stunned look in his eyes, which I thought he would have lost by now. I thought nothing of it though. I moved back over him, and he gasped in gratification when, despite the hindrance of clothes, I was _right_ over him…

'I love you,' he said again, his voice slurring madly, intensity burning in his voice. 'I've always loved you…you've got to believe me…'

Why wouldn't I believe him?

'I know,' I said.

'No, you _don't_,' he stressed. 'I just love you _so much_, and it just seems like – '

Shushing him delicately, I kissed the hot skin of his throat and repeated my words, 'Jesse, I _know_…' He breathed harder than ever. Elements of hysteria were apparent in his demeanor. Concerned, I kissed his forehead and asked him if he wanted to stop, but almost desperately, he said, 'No! No, we can't – '

Then, I found myself on my back, Jesse pressed over me between my legs, kissing me deeply. I moaned beneath him loudly... '_Jesse_…'

He flinched over me, and moved away, glaring at the space beside my pillow. I pulled him back down, and after a moment, he lost himself again. What was happening to him? Perhaps was this...maybe in the Forgotten Plane, something like this had happened? Maybe he'd been lied to like this? I didn't know…I just wanted him to know I was real, and I wanted him.

'_Querida_,' he said again, thrilling every nerve along my body. I smiled in pleasure, but he didn't smile back.

Then, I felt his hand slide to the top of my leg, on my upper thigh…slowly running up and down.

'Jesse…' I said breathlessly, my eyes closing and my lips parting. What could I say? It just felt so good… I knew that I was supposed to be making _him_ feel better, and I'd tried, but he'd been the one to turn the tables. 'Oh God, Jesse…'

'Shhhh…' he replied.

I grinned, my eyes opening again. 'Don't worry, no one's here… no one will hear us.' His fingers were still tantalizing the skin of my upper thigh. Even through the material of my pants, I could feel him. He grinded against me and my mind staggered completely. '_Jesse_!' God, I wanted him so much…after all of this time, I needed him. I panted his name with the same splendor he'd slowed me before.

He shushed me again, but I just couldn't help myself. After so long without him, his name was a word that had been dying to come tumbling passionately from my lips, but I'd had to restrict it. Now, all I wanted to do was scream it.

'I love you, Jesse…' I said tenderly. 'With all of heart…'

And then, it all stopped.

All of it. His fingers disappeared from my thigh. His soft lips pulled away from my neck, and before I could comprehend what was happening, he wasn't on top of me anymore – instead, he was walking over to stand in front of my window seat, his head in his hands and his chest rising and falling. 'I don't want it anymore…' he moaned to himself. 'I _can't_…'

That hurt me, deeply.

This was way more than his usual I-don't-wanna-dishonor-you episodes.

Bewildered and kind of upset, I crept off of my bed, reaching instead for his shirt instead of my own torn one. 'Jesse?' I asked softly, sliding the garment on, loving the way the fabric felt so familiar. 'Are you all right?' I mean…weren't things going pretty well a moment ago? I didn't get it…

I got no answer.

He just looked…broken. I could barely describe it. I mean, I've seen Jesse look sad before. Lost, even. God, even _devastated_. But now… I think the only way I could have possibly even come close to naming it was…

…Misery.

That tore me to shreds, and then tore my _shreds_ to shreds.

What had _happened_ to him on that Forgotten Plane?! What had Paul put him through? Why could he hardly _touch_ me now?

God help me, I was going to strangle Paul Slater with my bare hands.

I gently touched his bare shoulders, trailing my fingers down his back to try and comfort him. 'Jesse, tell me what's wrong,' I begged. 'What can I do to - ?'

Exasperated, he just swatted my hand from him and stepped away, still shaking.

'I don't understand!' I cried. 'Jesse, just tell me why – '

This was seriously scaring me now. Had I…had I left him there too long? I'd had fears about this before, about him not being all there when he came back. I was right. This _was_ too good to be true. Had Jesse…changed?

He just stared into nothing, misery staining his face like blood.

Silently, I went and stood in front of him, slipping my arms around his waist and linking my fingers behind his back. I rested my head on his chest, my breath fluttering against his skin. Slowly but surely, his arms embraced me, holding me into him. He sighed contentedly, and my heart stopped hammering with such fright. He was coming back to me. I could still feel his misery drenching me coldly, but maybe I could battle it away…

I just held him dearly. He kissed the top of my head sweetly. 'This was all I ever wanted…' he said gravely.

'You can _have_ it,' I replied, holding him that bit tighter.

'I…' he went to say, but the words died in his mouth. Then, he sighed, as if in defeat. 'Look, I…I just…I guess this is it…'

I was almost too scared to meet his eyes. What was he saying? That he didn't want to be with me? Why…why _now_?

'No,' I respired in some panic. 'Jesse – '

'Would you stop _saying_ that?' he begged. Finally, I opened my eyes and pulled away. 'But – '

…Oh my God.

A faintly glowing form stood over me, staring sadly back at me. But that was _not_ Jesse.

I couldn't even comprehend it. Not only how I'd been so thoroughly deceived, but how he'd managed to...without me even_ suspecting_ -

The pain came before the anger, which surprised me. Usually I would have responded in rage - but he'd scarred me so very deeply, exploiting my deepest desire...

'You didn't,' I said in cold hard shock. But I knew he did.

Paul just stared at me wretchedly.

'You...made me believe that you...' Tears formed quickly and uncontrollably. 'What...is this _payback_ now? I hurt you, and you hurt me right back?'

He broke eye-contact, gazing out my window with emptiness in his eyes. He'd stolen Jesse's eyes…

My breath shuddered severely, and the disappointment almost blinded me. I tried to speak, but my voice crackled and died.

Then, he said something.

'I get it now,' his lips curved into a smile. But I'd never seen a smile so cold. 'What you meant. About willingness... I just...wanted it so badly. But now I've had it, I feel sick to the stomach...'

'That's because it was never yours,' I managed. I could feel the trickles of hatred entering, now. Oh, they were building...summoning more and more. And they glittered with a fiery rage, waiting...waiting to be strong enough to let loose their fury...

'I know... I...I understand,' he said.

I wanted to tear him apart.

_Tear him…_

'The deal's off, Suze,' he told me. 'This ends, now. I don't want it anymore... I can never have all of you. I know that now.'

I wanted him to truly know Pain's name.

'Not like _he_ does.'

I wanted him to suffer...

_You want him to beg…_

'I'll call Gabriel off. I don't think he was having much luck turning you anyway. I guess I'm glad... you were right before, you know. I wouldn't have wanted you if you were like me. Even _I_ hate me,' his voice lowered as if he were confiding in me something dangerous.

He deceived me, so _flawlessly_...it had all been planned. He'd staged that attack before, and then made a production of rescuing me with Jesse's face. He'd changed his very_soul's_ appearance, all to fool me in to believing that I finally had my lover back, just so I'd hand over whatever he wanted, willingly. I'd eaten it all up without blinking, because I'd been so desperate for him...

I was a fool.

He stared at the ceiling; his body was still shaking. 'What I just did,' he muttered, and his head fell back. 'That was …too far.'

_He turned you into such a fool._

Finally, he met my eyes again, looking so, so miserable. 'We both know what has to happen now, though…'

…He_ made me believe_ he was Jesse.

You don't do that. Not to me; not to _anyone_. You don't _trick_ a person into believing that their lover had finally returned to them, only to tear that hope away so _cruelly_.

I was beyond pain. I was beyond anger. I could barely form words into thoughts in my head - the hatred had filled it so completely.

'Take off his face,' my voice scraped harshly. '_Now_.'

He sensed the terrible threat of a storm. It didn't intimidate him…he just knew he'd gone too far this time.

Before my eyes, he immediately morphed from Jesse's form to that of himself. My jaw clenched so hard I feared the bone would explode into fragments beneath my skin.

'I should leave,' he muttered. 'I have…things I need to prepare for now. What needs to be done.'

My face was frozen, and I felt my fists clench at my side.

'I'll miss you…' Paul said softly.

And that was when I realized something. Paul wasn't just saying goodbye to me, like he'd done before in the Shadowland when he'd betrayed me; he was saying goodbye to everything about me. His fantasy of me, this deal we'd made, the delusions he'd believed…

He was letting me go…

...So he could finally let me _die_.

With a longing gaze, he opened the door to my bathroom and walked in to meet his comatose body, before shimmering away in a swirl of red light. For a long minute, I stood frozen in that same position. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak – I could barely _breathe_.

He'd called off the deal. Sure. Did that mean he was going to return Jesse?

Oh, no.

Not a chance in hell.

With a stiff neck, I finally looked down and saw that the shirt I'd put on before had changed. I wasn't wearing Jesse's shirt anymore. That had morphed along with his vile imposter. Now I was wearing Paul's shirt.

_Like you belong to him…_

Unable to conceive what exactly it was about this fact that set me off, something inside me just _snapped_.

Instinct and rage became my masters, seizing control of me in a way that _no_ possessor could. I felt their claws biting into me, seducing me with all the possible things I could do to Paul Slater to make him pay for what he'd done to me. They offered me pain, misery, death; I greedily accepted their gifts and begged for the means.

Obliging, they showered me with a power I'd only dreamt of… Never had it been given to me in its entirety. It shimmered dangerously in that dark place within my mind, deceptively small at first. It hid from me, knowing that my intentions were not good. How could they be, when I'd been hurt like this? _Deceived_?

Ultimate knowledge filled my being, turning the rage into burning energy that screamed for release upon its victim. The instinct whispered temptations to me, guiding me and like a lamb, I followed loyally.

_Make him __pay…_ it implored.

I nodded grimly, and within a single blink, I no longer stood in my own room – instead, Paul stood there, his back facing me as he leant against his wall, panting. Wildly, he twisted around with a look of indignation on his face, but he went white upon seeing me.

'Suze…' he sounded as if he didn't believe I was truly there. 'You can't materialise…how did you – '

I didn't want to hear words coming from his mouth, unless they were begging for me to show him even the tiniest sliver of mercy that I'd once begged for from him. I wanted to hurt him, but I still hadn't reached that capacity... that didn't mean that I couldn't try, though -

And my fist flew squarely into his face.

My skin of my knuckle split instantly as it connected with his teeth, and I saw to some satisfaction that a fountain of blood fell from his lip as he staggered back into his neat bookshelf from the surprise assault. I shook with rage and struck him again, seeing Jesse's face flash before my eyes as a taunting reminder of what he'd momentarily given me, only to have torn it away. Any other day, Paul would have hit me right back; even letting me get a punch in would have been insulting to him.

Today was not that day, though.

He was ashamed, and how rightfully so.

And I kept hitting him, over and over and over. And he just took it, his eyes impassive but marred with the slightest stain of guilt. I wanted to cry, but I simply couldn't. The more I hurt him, the more unsatisfying it was... these were just menial flesh wounds. I needed more...

But finally, it culminated inside of me - that power that had been slowly gathering. I felt it climax, shattering me completely, refusing to leave me. It ached... My whole body felt like it was vibrating with excess energy that burned beneath my flesh, longing for release. It needed freedom - it needed to punish. I could scarcely contain it as it was, and I could already feel more coming, as if I'd asked for it, even though I knew I hadn't. I couldn't...I couldn't hold that much. I needed to use it...

On him.

With the simplest withering stare, Paul suddenly started choking right before me. It didn't make me smile...but despite the protests of my soul, some part of me felt it to be entirely justified. I blinked, and he fell to the floor, gasping for breath.

And I'd ruled him. He was mine.

His lungs were mine to with as I pleased. His heart would be torn and broken, as he'd done unto me, and I'd make him pay with his blood, for this vengeance was working though me with wicked intensity.

Finally catching his breath, he sneered, 'Get out,' although I could detect the shock in his voice.

Instead of obeying him as I'd done time and time again, I grinned, shaking my head.

'No.'

And on that word, the windows in his room smashed into millions of glassy splinters. With a cry of outrage, he ducked as they showered over his head.

Now, he was angry.

'Okay,' he snapped furiously, his lip bleeding profusely and the skin over his eyebrow swollen, 'The pummeling, I could take. But you are _not_ going to beat me at this, Suze. I've been at it a lot longer than you... Don't make me kill you now. I...I know I have to, but now's too early. I need time. I know you're angry, but this will only end with you dead.'

I laughed - I didn't understand why. It was as if the power had taken full possession, and it was in fact the power that saw humor in his words, not me. 'You want to give me a few days before you're man enough to kill me? A few weeks, even? Oh, Paul... you always were sweet like that...always thinking of others before _yourself_...'

On that word, his bed flew vertical, pinning him against the one wall that wasn't - or hadn't been - made of glass. I probably should have crushed him with something heavier than a mattress, because there was only a grunt of rage, rather than the pain I craved.

'Suze!' he snarled. 'Stop screwing around, or you'll make me - '

'End it now?' I goaded in suggestion. 'Come on, Paul...fight me. Let me have it. Let's see who walks out of here alive...'

_Show him your power. Show him everything…_

The bed was blasted back aggressively from his form, instead striking me and winding me quite severely. The pain didn't last long - it dwindled and left completely within moments. Paul was panting, looking more torn than I'd ever seen him. This seemed to be quite a hormonal moment for him, as if he knew he was going to win, and he was going easy on me because he didn't feel emotionally "ready" to off me.

'I don't want to hurt you,' he said. 'I've done enough of that for today.'

'Hurt me…' I dwelt upon those words. 'You don't want to hurt me… tell me Paul, did you want to hurt me when you took Jesse from me? Probably. What about that night long ago when you _raped_ me?' I leant down close to his face and spat icily at him, 'You destroyed everything that you tried so hard to claim, Paul. You forced me, abused me, and you...you enjoyed it.' Behind me, his bed sheets rose and twisted like snakes slipping around his wrists. I smiled as they twisted around them severely binding him, finally latching onto the bed frame.

_Destroy him!_

He groaned, talking to me as if I were a child who couldn't comprehend a difficult concept. 'I didn't enjoy it,' he scowled, trying to jerk his wrists away, but I pulled them tighter with but my will. 'Why do you think the deal's off? Look, Suze…I promise, when it has to happen...it'll be quick. But I'm warning you... _don't_ do this now.'

Again, the power inside me roared in laughter at the insult. Quick?!

'You have no idea,' I replied conversationally as the wiring in his laptop sizzled before the computer exploded into flames, 'how much I'm going to _kick __your ass_...'

He actually shrank away from me, and the realisation that I wanted him to suffer suddenly kicked in. 'Suze...' he said slowly.

'So, where do I start?' I wondered. 'Maybe I should just return the favors, to start off...pay it forward, you know?' I looked down at my hand, where the tiny, thin scar where he'd cut me with his little knife was still visible. I held my hand up with wide eyes. 'Remember that? After I tried to help you, to stop you before you hurt anyone else...you mutilated my hand. Well, we can begin with that...'

He stared at me strangely for about four seconds, before suddenly crying out loudly in fury. 'SUZE!' he shouted, 'What the FUCK - ?'

I cocked my head, admiring the glistening red lines that marked both of his palms.

Power pulsated through me, magnifying my emotions... I stepped forward. 'I can't even count the slaps I've endured,' I went on. 'We'll continue with those...'

Unseen hands began beating his face left and right. The blood from his lip was smeared over his face by the time I finally stopped. He coughed, and more blood came from his mouth. Glaring up at me, he shook his head. 'You're making this really easy,' he growled. 'When I have to kill you, I won't even - '

'Don't kid yourself,' I laughed coldly. 'You'll love me till it kills you. Or whatever you think your "love" is, anyway... Hmm... what about that time you tried to strangle me?' I went to act out this desire, but he launched into speech in his attempts to save himself.

'Suze!' he said quickly, 'I thought _I_was supposed to be the evil twin. Why - ' he rearranged his sentence, knowing perfectly well why, 'You're too good for this...' I could detect the panic in his voice. This girl he'd abused so thoroughly, who had been so weak and helpless...was suddenly fighting back. And he heard the threat loud and clear.

_Do it now, Virva...__look at all this glittering power you have…_

With a strained voice, he added, 'What happened to your eyes...?'

_Do it._

I ignored his irrelevant question, instead attending to the more pressing one. 'But this is the game we're apart of,' I shrugged, raising a large blade of glass and aiming it at his chest. I wasn't messing anymore. This was aimed with perfect clarity, to end it all. 'This is what I'm supposed to do...I mean, sure, you'll still win, but - '

**Make him suffer for his crimes. You can't possibly want him to live.**

**I don't...but I will not be the reason that he dies. I'm not capable of that.**

Thoughts buzzed around my head, making me falter. 'But at least it will be - '

**And all that's best of dark and bright**

**Meet in her aspect and her eyes...**

_Now!_

I stopped again. He mentioned my eyes before. What about my eyes? I turned away from him, looking for some sort of reflective surface. Flicking my hand, I burst open the door to his bathroom, and was met with an alarming sight that now both Paul and CeeCee had witnessed.

My eyes...they were…

Pure black.

I was being corrupted.

Not possessed, like last time...this will was my own. I'd only been whispered to, spurred on to act on my emotions, granted the power to make my desires reality... Gabriel was turning me through my power as a shifter.

**A heart whose love is innocent...**

'Oh my God - ' I spluttered, and the power shriveled away as I felt my hold on it slacken. I stumbled back, shaking my head in horror as the bound man before me heaved a labored breath, fury burning in his weary eyes. He narrowed them slightly, trying to make sense of what I'd done. Instantly, the sheets supporting him loosened and he fell to the floor with a thud, not moving. He was in pain. I almost moved over to him to see if he was all right - and to see how much damage I'd truly done to him - but I was afraid...

'I...I didn't...' I whispered, but he just wheezed raspily, 'I _will_ kill you, Suze…'

So consumed in my grief over his betrayal, I'd almost lost myself to that supreme power…

Shakily, I materialised back to my room, grabbing hold of my doorframe immediately for support. I felt so worn out, but the fear kept me from sleeping. That was where he'd gotten me before, after all…he said I was most vulnerable to him when I was asleep. And – when I'd been out of my body before, shifting, he'd found me then too… how could I possibly sleep when Gabriel was trying his darndest to turn me evil?

Because, surely that's what he was trying to do... he was, like me, trying to do the impossible. I was trying to win a game where the side of Light had to defeat Dark without actually killing Paul, even though, that was the only way to _win_… and the Corrupter was trying to corrupt someone who was supposedly protected.

Didn't seem that impossible anymore.

I'd_ wanted_ to.

He was getting at me through my power as a shifter, that's what. I'd heard him there. I hadn't even known he was whispering to me; it'd felt so natural, so innate…now, I felt sick and violated. He'd been inside my mind, sitting in the shadows, quietly influencing me to listen to my emotions, planting seeds of evil within my distraught, deceived and furious mind.

He'd nudged me.

And I'd almost taken the bait…

Paul had said that he was going to tell him to stop, but I doubted that Gabriel would listen, at this stage. There was something about me that intrigued him, and he was going to finish what he'd started.

…I had to stop it.

I couldn't let myself get suckered in by that power anymore. It was so, _so_dangerous. I needed to stay away – to stay good. I had to find another way to end this game, and I had to keep Paul from killing me in time to do so.

I…I had to –

- But whatever I had to do next, I couldn't remember. Because at that moment, my vision swayed dramatically and I saw flashes of stars as I swayed dizzily from exhaustion. Just as the words 'get to bed' crossed logically through my mind, I felt my knees crash to the ground, and then…nothing.

I'd well and truly passed out, utterly inundated with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

* * *

**Please review.**


	25. Rest With Me

**_"I WANT TO BE CORRUPTED. By Paul's cock."_**

**As far as reviews go…that was…scary. It actually made me choke on my own spit, lol. So, erm, thanks.**

**Anyway, my lovelies… once again, this story is getting nearer and nearer to the final stages. And once again, this chapter was supposed to include a LOT more than this, but Lolly got carried away and thus the next stuff had to be shunted to Chapter 26. No matter! I'm sure there will be some people who are glad that this particular chapter wasn't cut short.**

**We love you all so much…**

**- Lolly and Steph.**

* * *

For a long time inside my mind, everything was really…quiet. I couldn't remember the last time I'd experienced that kind of silence, that solitude. It scared me. I had just shut down from everything that had been chasing me with torches and pitchforks, turning away completely in favour of nothingness. At least this empty place was better than the building evil inside of me. 

However, wherever Gabriel, the Corrupter of Innocence was, he wasn't quitting on his little attempts to turn me in to Darth Susie since it was only mere seconds before the emptiness around me gained substance and structure. Internally, I moaned for it to leave, but soon the lines around me started snaking and flickering to form edges of shapes. I hated their insincerity…I knew the truth. It wasn't real – none of it was.

Despite my despair, a perfect imitation of the Forgotten Plane soon surrounded me, chilling me with the erratic flickering of the scene as if it was barely tied to existence. Furiously, I scrambled to my feet and glared around, waiting for Gabriel's next impostor to try and convince me with ultimatums and seductions. It wasn't going to work. Fool me once, shame on him – fool me twice and I was just an idiot. But this – since Paul's little impersonation had brought the Jesse fraud count to a terrible two – would be three time's the charm. I wasn't going to believe it for a second.

And so when I saw the pale form of Jesse standing in the corner glaring at me with wary eyes, I just scowled.

'Get out,' I spat.

He laughed coldly. 'Oh, yes… how possible you make this for me…'

I turned away from him so as to give myself no reason to convince me of his lies. 'You're not going to trick me again, you know,' I promised. 'I've had enough.'

Gabriel's hoax sneered. 'Trick you? I hardly believe that you're the victim here, you evil snake…'

Pissed, I spun to face him. 'I am _not_ evil,' I said through gritted teeth. 'I refuse to be what you're trying to turn me into. Yes, I may have had a little…slip up, but that doesn't make me evil!'

The man remained in the corner, tinted greyly by the dimness of his own monochromatic light. Once again, I was the only one in colour. He laughed at my choice of words. 'You claim to have only had one slip up.' He snorted. 'One moment of being truly evil… I'd suggest that you take a Math class, my friend.'

'Friend? Dude. We are not friends. You don't have friends. You are this…thing. Nothing but a shadow – an evil shadow that I'm going to _crush_as soon as I freakin' – '

Striking faster than the evil snake he'd accused me of being before, the hoax was in front of me, grabbing my wrists. I gasped at their warmth. It wasn't as warm as Jesse had once been…but it was close. And the lie threatened to claim me once again.

And when I looked up at him, I gasped sharply.

His face was…hurt. His cheek was bleeding, and the side of his head was darkly bruised. All along his arms were deep, quick cuts that hadn't yet begun to heal, thus staining his white shirt crimson. His chest had a mark that looked distinctly like a burn, and although I couldn't see properly, it appeared that he'd sustained some severe injuries to his back if the blood creeping around his side gave any indication.

'Leave,' he threatened in a low voice that shook me with its anger. 'You've done enough.'

I yanked my wrists from his hands and remarked icily, 'Don't touch me.'

He laughed as if touching me was the last thing he'd wanted to do, before quickly turning away and returning to the corner, facing the wall, murmuring in low Spanish and closing his eyes. Finally I saw the terrible marks on his back - his shirt had been cleanly sliced open to reveal three gaping wounds running over his shoulder blades. I stiffened from the sight.

'Oh, so this is a guilt thing,' I said in realisation, finally catching on to what Gabriel was trying to do. That's why he was taking the form of a wounded Jesse. 'Trying to guilt me into attacking again, to keep turning me evil... well, once again. Really not happening.'

The hoax looked back over to me, bewildered rage in his eyes. 'Guilt you? What is this garbage you speak?' Loosing patience with me, he growled, 'Just get out - or be done with whatever you wish to inflict upon me today minus this mindless small talk.'

I shook my head at him in almost pity. 'What the hell scenario are you trying to play out here? This doesn't even make sense.'

He jammed his eyes shut again, whispering louder to himself and holding his head as if in pain. 'She's not there... it's not her, she's not real... go away, go away...'

'Cut the crap!' I snapped. 'Look. I know what's going on now! You think I'm going to fall for these mind games again? I KNOW this isn't happening. Just show me your true self and we'll talk shop again - '

Barely an instant had gone by before he was once again standing over me, fury dancing in his onyx eyes. 'My true self? _Dios_, you would not survive if I showed you my true self...'

'Let me have it,' I goaded him. 'Come on.'

He bared his teeth, glaring down at me. 'Show me your true self first. So the facades are of the past.'

I raised my eyebrows. 'Um, all here and accounted for.'

He was quivering, he was so angry. I saw his fists ball and flex, as if itching to be hurting me. Wondering what turn this hallucination was going to take now - perhaps Gabriel was going to try and convince me that Jesse was evil or something? - I took another step forward to show I wasn't scared. 'Go on, Gabes. Show me what you got.'

'Oh, I will, Slater... only I won't hide behind my magics as you do,' he spat, before slamming me against the wall.

A stab of fear seized my heart suddenly. Not because my back was smooshing plaster, but -

'What did you just call me?' I demanded.

With a swift punch to my stomach which I returned furiously to his already beaten head, he replied, 'I'm _sorry_...what is it that you prefer?' He proceeded to list very nasty sounding Spanish alternatives which stung even my non-lingual ears. 'Yes, I do believe the last is most fitting for you... Do you think I won't hurt you, simply because you cower within Susannah's form?'

My eyes widened again, and I felt sick.

No - it was a trick.

'I told you, I'm NOT falling for that anymore!' I shrilled. 'And I should say the same for you! Just because I love him, doesn't mean I'm not willing to smack around that smart ass face of yours, because it doesn't _belong_ to you! You should check back with Paul to see how stealing my boyfriend's body went for HIM!'

His hands snuck around my neck. 'Tell me, _Paul_,' he snarled. 'What happens to your body, should your soul die in the Forgotten Plane?'

...Oh my God.

This was - he was really...

But what if it was a mind game again? What -

It really didn't matter what it was. Because suddenly, those capable hands at my throat were constricting very tightly. I couldn't even get a sound out to tell him his mistake - I could only choke in horror as the air never reached or escaped my lungs, trapped on either side by his gripping fingers of murderous intent.

So I did the only thing I could possibly do to save myself.

I used my power on him.

It scared me to do so - what if, once again, I used too much? What if I accidentally sank into that terrible place where I couldn't stop again? What if I...enjoyed it?

But that didn't happen. With a large, brief explosion of white light, the man who'd been about to end me was thrown away violently, hitting the wall with a horrible crunch. The plane surrounding me flickered angrily as if jolted by the presence of such power, but rapidly returned to normal.

I panted.

...Gradually, the limp form stirred with a groan before placing shaking hands against the wall for support as he heaved himself up. His eyes, however, were very wide.

'Your power...' he breathed. 'It's...white. Not red. You're not...'

'I'm not Paul,' I whispered.

'Then...'

I blinked back tears.

'..._Susannah_?'

I didn't want to believe it so easily this time. How was this different from before? Once again, an equally convincing cover story had been laid out for me. Would I carelessly allow myself to be duped? What if... there was still a chance that this all was a lie...

But it was so real. Every detail was just so -

His wounds. His confusion. His assumptions that I had been Paul Slater, ready to torture him again. His attempt to kill me. And once again, his sliding sanity...

Suze, don't. Don't do this to yourself.

Don't.

Not for the _third time_!

But...I knew his eyes...

My breathing stopped completely as he wearily climbed to his feet, staring at me in wonder. 'Susannah...' he breathed. 'It's...it's you. I can feel you now. You're truly here...' He moved over to me, sliding his hands warmly up my arms. Then a look of sudden horror came to his face and he tore away in disgust. _'Mi Dios_...I just - I just tried to kill you!' He jerked back again, crushed._'Querida_, I'm so sorry - oh God... I didn't - '

'Shhh...' I breathed. 'You didn't know... it's okay.'

'But I could have - '

I gently took his hands again. 'You didn't. Don't worry about it. I was probably ready to do the same thing...'

This comforted him slightly. Then, without warning, his next realisation seized him directly after the whole Murderer thing - that is to say, his real, non-Slater induced girlfriend was actually standing in front of him, at which point his arms grabbed me, fiercely pulling me into a taut embrace. I returned it, almost willing to believe that the chest my face was pressed against was truly his...

Then I pulled away, frowning apologetically.

Confusion claimed him, and some disappointment. 'Susannah...' he begged. 'It's you. I-I need to be holding you...please don't - '

'Jesse, I'm sorry,' I murmured, not brave enough to speak any louder, because I knew how much I was hurting him. 'I can't risk...getting close to you. Not here, not after - ' I broke off, seeing the torn look in his eyes. 'I have no way of knowing if it's really you, and if it's not and I... I just can't. I'm so sorry...'

He stood up straighter, and slowly comprehension trickled onto his face. 'You've...been lied to also...?'

I nodded forlornly.

Jesse sighed, running a damaged hand through his hair as he characteristically did. 'Oh...I understand, _querida_. It's all right...we don't have to - ' He took another step back to emphasise his commitment to the No Physical Contact Rule.

I nodded, releasing a gust of breath in gratitude. 'Er...thanks. I think this is the...the best way to get through this.'

'I agree,' he said, sounding official.

Slowly, I moved back closer to him, trusting that the both of us wouldn't go all grabby-and-kissy, no matter how much I could tell we both wanted it. I carefully sat down on the edge of my bed, and he did the same, staring at me intently.

'Are you all right?' he wanted to know. 'I felt you slipping again before... away from me. Did he try to kill you again?'

I looked away, ashamed of myself. 'Erm…not exactly.'

He silently urged me to elaborate, and so I muttered, 'As I mentioned before, I had a bit of a slip up. With my powers. I kind of…went all Dark Side for a moment. They have cookies,' I added lamely.

Jesse tried to smile at my lame joke, but looked too anxious to laugh at any funnies. 'But you came back to me,' he assured me. 'Susannah…with a power such as yours, mistakes are natural. They are how you learn to control your emotions – they make you realise the price there is to pay for not controlling them. Mistakes are good.'

'What if I make a lot of mistakes?' I asked, panicked. 'I didn't even know what I was doing until _Paul_ pointed out how evil I was being. I was about to kill him, Jesse!' I sucked in a breath sharply at the thought. 'I had…the glass in my hand, and he couldn't move, and I was _so ready_ to shove it through his chest, and laugh as he bled…'

'You didn't,' he assured me. 'Just like I didn't kill you before.'

'But I was going to. That's the point. I was ready.'

'Susannah,' he sighed, breaking the No Physical Contact Rule to gently hold my hand. His thumb stroked my skin. 'It was a mistake. The _possible_ outcome is a lot worse than the reality. All you need to focus on now is how to not reach the same depth within your power, if it scares you this much…' He raised his eyebrow a little. 'However…'

I stared at him.

'Are you sure that…_not_ killing Paul is the best idea?' he asked lightly.

'I can't…' I mumbled.

'I'll do it for you,' he decided.

I shook my head. 'No, it has to be me.'

'But you said you – '

I withdrew my hand from his, instead holding my knees against my chest and sighing. 'Paul and I are…apart of something. A Good vs. Evil thing. It's kinda crazy, not to mention wicked unfair… One of us has to kill the other. If he kills me, his side wins, lah dee dah. If I kill him…his side wins anyway, because apparently murder is an act of evil, which means that our side has succumbed to evil in order to try to win, et cetera. Basically, I'm screwed.'

'So…you're trying to…win this game?' he asked.

'No, I'm trying to end it once and for all,' I replied. 'Our side has never won. They've never found a way around the little paradox thing.'

'We will,' he promised me, smiling supportively. My lips twitched. Even if this was a lie, I was prepared to stare at that smile all day… even if his face was marred by Paul's violent influence.

'What about you?' I asked him. 'You don't look so hot right now.' I carefully touched the broken skin on his face, causing him to initially flinch, but not pull away from my fingers.

'I…' he mumbled, 'I shan't bore you with the details.'

'Bore away,' I insisted. 'What did he do to you?'

He shook his head. 'It will only upset you,' he responded dismissively. 'It's not important...' Jesse then heaved a sigh, looking both pained and exhausted. 'I haven't the energy to tell grim stories, _querida_. I'd much rather see how you are…'

But I badly needed to know, so as to decide what level of vengeance was necessary next time I saw Paul – a level that hopefully didn't involve me trying to gut him to death. Some punching would suffice.

'Please,' I asked softly, before getting a better idea. 'Actually…there is a way I could know without you haven't to explain everything. Do you trust me?'

Without a moment's hesitation, he responded, 'Implicitly.'

I smiled. 'Let me see inside your mind.'

Gently, he nodded in agreement. 'All right. My thoughts are your thoughts.'

I closed my eyes, concentrating exclusively on entering his memories; melding with his consciousness. It took longer than I thought – I'd never actively tried, it had always been accidental before, or in the heat of the moment, but soon, that familiar disembodiment claimed me and I felt myself falling right out of existence…

-F&I-

'You know what you sound like?' she demanded hotly, standing before me in the moonlight just on the bottom step of the porch. Her face was perfect, even in all of her anger. Her eyes glittered dangerously at me, and yet I could only be enchanted by their magnificence. 'You sound like a jealous boyfriend.'

**If only…**

The flush in my cheeks nearly gave me away, but I managed to skilfully deflect the wave of fearful thrill in my stomach by laughing in what I hoped was a scornful manner. '_Nombre de Dios_. I am not jealous of that – '

She cut me off savagely. 'Oh yeah? Then where's all this hostility coming from? Tad never did anything to you.'

Of course he did.

He kissed her.

**How**_** dare **_**he kiss her? Does he not know that she isn't his to kiss? She is - **

I stopped, pale.

**Then to whom **_**does**_** Susannah belong, Jesse? Surely not yourself.**

I swallowed guiltily all of a sudden.

_**Never**_** forget it.**

With a sneer, I proceeded to call the _cretino_ something that I'd once heard a drunken man falling out of the Salinas bar use. Another thrill flickered within me for using it to describe the_ cretino_ who'd boldly kissed _mi querida_. It was terrible – my _madre_ would have put pepper on my tongue in disgust of me, had she been present.

Susannah, however, remained oblivious as to what it meant, more insulted that I was flaunting my Spanish once again, knowing she could not understand. Huffily, she advised me to keep all non-English words to myself.

'He's no good for you,' I insisted. Surely she could see this. A moment later, I almost regretted saying such a thing, in fear that she'd ask me to list the reasons why the _cretino_ did not deserve her. However, no rational arguments came to mind. All I could possibly think of was that, _I could do better than him…_

**If I were alive.**

'You don't even know him,' she snapped.

'I know enough,' I scowled. I was babbling. Of course I was babbling. There were very few moments where I forgot the calm and even face I wore around her…but in regard to the other men in her life, I was lost completely to my jealousy. Oh, I would be surely damned for this outrageous behaviour…

The argument went on, as I dragged the priest into the matter and seriously questioned her ability to handle the situation regarding the _cretino_'s father. She flushed in rage, insulted that I'd highlighted her weakness.

'Ah, see?' I said in angry victory, upon hearing her confession of vulnerability. I stepped even closer to her as she tried to dodge me. 'You admit it! Susannah, this one – you need to ask the priest for help.'

'Fine,' she spat. 'I will.'

'Fine,' I replied, moving even closer to her unintentionally, 'You had better.'

**Jesse de Silva, don't you dare!**

The thoughts that flooded my mind in that instant terrified me. There she was, an inch away, fury rippling like surging water in her eyes… she probably hated me. She probably loathed my constant interference, my irritating habit of telling her too little, my desire to always keep her safe… Despite this obvious detestation, all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and kiss her like she'd never been kissed before. I wanted her lips to be indistinguishable from my own as I claimed her, whispering the words I'd hidden for so long, a love that would offend her so.

I wanted her…

**You can't have her**.

She was so close…

**Do not kiss her. **

…Of_ course_ I wasn't going to kiss her.

Furious with myself for even acknowledging what I had been suppressing for so long, I dematerialised far away, scowling at my stupidity.

I was such a fool… a jealous, selfish fool. If she wanted the_ cretino_, who in God's name was I to keep her from him? Of course she'd want him. He was alive…he could take her out, meet her family…

**He has a heartbeat.**

I could offer her nothing. And she deserved _everything…_

- My surroundings changed. I heard whisperings, both loud and gentle. They buzzed around my brain as I suddenly found myself in Susannah's room. I book was open on my lap, but I'd barely read a thing. She lay in bed, her hair fluttering gently over her mouth with each breath she expired. She'd been so exhausted ever since we'd returned from Shadowland, and even though I knew we needed to have a serious conversation, I didn't dare wake her. Instead, I just waited.

And watched as she slept.

**She's so beautiful, and I love her so dearly...**

**It is going to hurt when I have to leave. **

But it was for the best. I knew that. The priest knew it too. His grim look had warned me of what had to happen, and I understood with perfect clarity how much my love would burden her.

Susannah stirred, and I sat up straighter. I watched closely. There had been many stirrings, many quiet whimpers of his name. This was probably just another moment of weakness within her own mind.

But apparently not. A second later, her bright eyes crept open tiredly, and she squinted at me. That was when her eyes widened in apprehension.

I couldn't be clear why. Only twenty-four hours earlier, I would have believed it was because she'd wanted me gone a long time ago, and that's why she'd exorcised me to Shadowland. It had been a long time coming for me.

…But then, after discovering my exorcism had been an elaborate plot of my meddling cousin Maria, and Susannah had almost _died_ in order to rectify my disappearance, I simply didn't know what to think. I couldn't be as bold as to think she returned the love I felt, naturally. That would be asking far too much – much more than I deserved. No...confusion was a more than fitting state for the likes of me.

'You're awake,' I said. It was still a question, but in statement form. I honestly could never be sure with Susannah. Although it looked like at that moment, she was tempted to fake her consciousness and fall back into a pretend sleep.

She didn't though. 'Um. Yes, I am.'

I tilted my head to the side and asked, 'How do you feel?'

'Me?' she asked cluelessly.

**All right Jesse, she's awake now. Do it now. A clean break. It'll hurt you less. Just say it…you have to leave. And whatever you do, do **_**not**_** bring up Shadowland. She will undoubtedly realise how much you are reading into her saving you, and you will only embarrass yourself.**

I pushed the book to the side, staring at her intently, waiting for her answer before I rushed into my farewell. It was torture, trying to remain neutral when my heart felt like it was breaking. Oh, what a masochist I had been, staying around her for all these months, convincing myself that she needed me when it was obviously the other way around – I'd put her in _danger_. My past had come back to haunt her instead of me.

'Fine,' she mumbled worriedly. 'I feel great.'

I replied, as business-like as I could, 'Good. We need to talk.'

She swallowed. _Dios_… she looked terrified of whatever subject I wanted to bring up. I needed to get to the point quickly, then, so she would understand that I only wished to leave, not to impose on her any longer. Hopefully that would take the fear from her eyes.

'You know what?' she said quickly, getting out of bed awkwardly, 'I don't want to talk. Is that okay? I really, _really_ don't want to talk. I'm all talked out…'

I stood up from the windowseat, staring at her.

**She's so charming when she's nervous…** was what my traitorous mind could not help but think. It almost made me smile knowingly – and I probably would have, had the news I was about to deliver been less depressing for me.

'I'm just – look, I'm going to give CeeCee a call and maybe we'll go to the beach or something, because I really…I just need a day off,' she wheezed.

I moved closer to her.

**Just tell her. Tell her you're leaving. There doesn't need to be any theatrics about it. It's for the best.**

Why did she suddenly find it so hard to breathe? Her cheeks were rosy as heat rose to her face, and she couldn't look me in the eye even though I stood right in front of her.

"**Susannah. I am leaving." Honestly, it **_**isn't**_** that difficult.**

'Especially…' she finally met my gaze firmly, although I saw the flash of vulnerability in her eyes that she tried to hide, and I was lost again… Whatever her motives had been…this girl had nearly _died_ for me.

And I loved her for it.

I loved Susannah Simon.

'…From talking. That's what I especially need a day off from. Talking.'

**Jesse. Don't.**

'Fine,' I shrugged, sliding both hands either side of her face tenderly.

_**Don't.**_

'We don't have to talk.'

I didn't want to talk, anyway. I just wanted to be kissing her…

So I did.

And suddenly…I couldn't leave.

In one selfish, forward action for which I would surely be slapped a second later – and with good reason – I had finally fulfilled the dream of kissing this sweet, innocent and fiery woman who'd stolen my heart with such charming thievery.

What shocked me most was her response.

…**My God. She's…kissing me back.**

It was true. Her lips moved against mine in a longing, forceful way that urged me to increase my timid gentleness to a level that was a little closer to the astounding passion I felt. One hand stayed cupping her face while the other slid to her waist, drawing her closer to me – and then her arm hooked around my neck, dragging my head down to meet her lips with more certainty, and she gasped breathlessly, sighing my name…

I fell in love with her all over again –

- Abruptly, that pleasant memory had vanished into darkness. Instead, I found myself trapped inside a terrible place where the surroundings changed constantly, and all colour had been stripped from the world… It was cold and lonely and it made my heart ache to think of the hardships that were going on beyond the Forgotten Plane's infuriatingly thin dimensional walls that I could not touch nor tear.

I chatted with myself in an almost conversational way. My mind was in fragments. I laughed, before quickly rising in my anger and throwing things – but they would return to their rightful place in a mere flicker. Then I'd remain quiet for days at a time, staring blankly at the wall as if waiting for a face to emerge from the plaster and speak words to me.

Sanity and I were not acquaintances. This plane had seen to that.

So when I suddenly felt soft lips seducing my neck, I thought – and hoped – I'd finally gone blissfully mad.

I shuddered in pleasure as she slid around from behind me, coming to stand before me with intensity that burnt holes into my eyes. She drew me closer and kissed me, pressing herself against me in ways that were both improper and desirous. I frowned against her lips, trying to pull away.

'It's not you…' I moaned.

She smiled up at me, raising my hand to her lips before sliding two of my fingers into mouth, biting them very gently. I groaned, dragging her back towards me and kissing her.

'Touch me,' she said.

I did…

'No, not there,' she implored, staring at me. She adjusted my hand. 'Here…'

I jerked away, glaring at her.

**This is not Susannah.**

'Get out,' I spat. He'd sent another illusion – he was watching from afar, trying to push me into madness once more. I spun around and yelled directly at him, 'Get her out of here, Slater!'

She came back to me once more, pressing herself against me, her hands like minxes. She caught my ear between her teeth, breathing all the sinful things that she wanted me to do to her. I shuddered at the thought – even if I some part of me wanted it, I wouldn't have. Even if she _had_ have been real… I'd never –

She suddenly tore away from me, revolted.

'God,' she scowled. 'You really have no idea how to please me, do you…'

I lost myself in the lie again, trying to appeal to her. 'Susannah, you know we can't… it's not right…'

She scoffed. 'And you wonder why I go to him?'

**Him?**

…I froze.

'_What_?'

With a simpering smile, she backed away from me…into the suddenly emerging arms of Paul Slater.

Turning away from me with a defiant look, she moved into him and allowed him to kiss her throat as she gasped sharply. I looked away, shaking. She moaned his name loudly – my gaze accidentally flickered back, and I saw his hands grasping over her clothes at her breasts. Her head lolled back as his mouth trailed across her collarbone.

'Paul…' she sighed luxuriously.

_**Does she sigh when you kiss her too?**_

I screwed up my eyes and covered my ears. A moment later, I felt them both collapse on the bed beside me, causing me to rocket over to the corner of the room, sliding to the floor in an attempt to disarm my sensory organs. I didn't want to know…I didn't want to hear, to see, to know this lie... I knew it wasn't real, but it killed me. Because he was able to do this to her anyway. What if there…what if there was even a moment where she loved it? Where she wanted him over me? Where she…wanted him to hurt her like that?

I looked up again, hoping it would be over, that she would be gone – but saw to my complete horror that he'd crawled over her and was working her skirt up, his hand sliding swiftly up her bare thigh. She moaned again, arching her back against the mattress as she closed her eyes desperately. He chuckled. 'I'm almost there…' he promised her.

'Is he watching?' she asked eagerly.

'Yes,' Slater said.

**Look away!**

…I couldn't.

'I want him to watch…' she grinned up at him. 'He needs to know…'

'This should get the message across,' Slater agreed.

And a moment later, he sank between her legs, pressing her thoroughly against him. She gasped and grabbed his hair, his name on her darkly coloured lips. She writhed beneath him, breathing hard. And he laughed as he glanced over at me, noting my utter misery…

He knelt back, dragging her form with him and moulded it against his body. Her legs clung around him, and she was grinding against him slowly, panting even harder. I couldn't tear my eyes away. The misery was so potent, so intense… She too turned her face to watch me as she…

'Stop it…' I whispered.

They both grinned wickedly at me. There was a terrible, subtle violence as to how they held each other – it made me tense all over. I shook my head sadly as she panted his name over and over again…

He looked away from me, jerking her flush against him as he bit into her neck. She screamed in ecstasy, her fingers digging into his shoulders. My head struck the wall dully; repeatedly. I wanted to knock the image out of my head, even if it took all night until the repetitive thudding against my cranium let me escape this. I felt a trickle of blood run down my neck from my skull. I kept thudding, insane with misery…

**Make it stop…**

I stared at my hands pressed against the wall determinedly. It didn't stop the sound of their passions, though. I could hear every word, every gasp, every pant, every sigh, every sharp draw of breath, every whisper of lascivious pleasure…

'He still wants me,' she chuckled. 'Even now…even though you're hurting me, Paul…he wants it to be him doing this to me.'

'No…' I groaned.

'Only you can touch me,' she went on, stopping momentarily as she cried in release – but they still didn't stop. 'O-only you can feel me surround you…only you can _love_ me like this…'

'And you love me,' Slater growled in victory.

'Oh,_yes…_'

My eyes jammed closed in pain.

**Susannah…**_**no**_**…**

'Hurt me,' she begged him. 'I want you to hurt me…'

He did. I heard her scream shrilly as he grunted in exertion. My masochistic, perverse eyes flickered back over despondently – she was pinned against the bed, her wrists above her head and her face creased in agony. And then…despite the physical torment she was suffering, she smiled horribly against the pain. 'I love it…' she breathed. 'I love the darkness…'

'You belong to me,' Slater promised her, jolting suddenly in a harsh way, and she screamed again.

'Yours…' she gasped, shaking. Fear was in her voice, but it didn't come close to overpowering the arousal. 'I'm yours…'

Another train of blood fell against my shoulder.

And then, they were gone.

I stood up urgently, a wave of dizziness nearly sending me pitching forward. My head felt quite badly injured, but I couldn't have cared about that at the moment. The air was choked with their sweat. I knew that I wasn't alone…

And only a second later, I'd been thrown against the opposite wall. Before I could adjust to the lurch of my consciousness, a knife had slashed across my cheek. I cracked my eyes open weakly, and Paul stood over me.

'This is actually pretty therapeutic,' he commented lightly. 'Whenever I need to hurt her…I can just come up here and kick the shit out of you and still get the same satisfaction.'

The blade swiped down my arms and I hissed in furious pain.

'Well,' he went on, 'Not the same satisfaction. At least Suze tries to fight back… unlike you. God, de Silva. I knew you were a woman, but this is just really embarrassing.'

More cuts appeared freshly across my skin. I tried to make it to my feet, but he kicked me savagely down.

'The thing about the Forgotten Plane,' he mused conversationally, 'Is that things with a consciousness aren't supposed to be sent here. Therefore, it sucks to be you, big guy. Rules are different here. You don't have your little ghostly powers, for a start – '

'Ah!' I yelled as his knuckles cracked against my forehead. I could barely see from the blood.

'Not to mention, you don't heal…'

A tongue of fire suddenly appeared in his hand. He chuckled down at me. 'You should just be thankful that you don't have a heartbeat, otherwise that blood would just be gushing out right now…'

And he pressed the fire against my chest.

I roared in pain shoving him brutally away from me. He landed, sprawled on the ground, ten feet away. He looked over, a little impressed.

'That's better,' he said. 'Well, a little. See? Pain does wonders, doesn't it? Especially when it's induced by fire…'

'I…' I tried to say, but my voice was rusty and croaking.

**He will pay.**

He raised his eyebrows, and his pale blue eyes regarded me carefully. 'What, de Silva?'

I groaned. 'I will…_kill_ you…'

He smiled crookedly. 'Yeah. Whatever.' He raised his knife again, ready to strike when suddenly he froze and looked around, his eyes wide. He all but smelled the air as he tried to sense something that had disturbed him.

'Well, what do you know,' he said in surprize. 'Suze's here…'

'Liar,' I scowled hatefully.

'No, really,' he chuckled. 'She's trying to get in. Oh well…I'll be off to milk _that_ one for all it's worth.'

Dropping the knife – which dissolved into nothing instantly – he marched away, leaving me bloody and bruised in the corner. I grunted, 'No – no, it's not over, Slater…get back – '

I needed to retaliate. He couldn't get away with all of this. With hurting my Susannah. I needed to – I needed to stand up and fight…to protect her. Even while I was trapped here, I could at least send him back wounded… it might save her.

I couldn't see him, but he laughed. 'Don't worry, Jesse. I'll be back the next time your bratty little girlfriend pisses me off.'

'Get back!' I snarled.

He snorted in his departure. 'Oh, sit the hell down – you'll only hurt yourself more, idiot. Useless cowboy… To think she actually believes you're coming to rescue her one day - '

'SLATER' I yelled at him, struggling to my feet on shaking knees. My fists were balled in fury, preparing to fight a battle I would loose in mere seconds. But I had to try. For her.

And then – _I heard her say my name._

'Jesse!' she cried. My heart seized.

**He hadn't been lying. She's here. She is somewhere. She – **

But I heard a door creak shut and I realised I'd lost her again. I'd left her…to deal with him.

Roaring in fury, I barrelled over to her bedroom door, where he'd exited. I didn't make it, falling two feet shy of the distance on knees that wouldn't support me. Weakly, I crawled over to the wooden door, panting hard with pain and misery. I heard voices beyond, but I couldn't make them out. They fought and screamed – I heard laughter and then crying.

…And then, the warmest sensation washed over me as I realised that she was right outside…

I could feel her, through the door.

**She is there…oh, my sweet Susannah…I haven't lost her.**

I closed my eyes in sad contentment, and slid into a cavernous world of black…

-F&I-

With a jerk, I fell out of the terrifying place within Jesse's mind, shivering violently. I sagged against him, devoid completely of energy. I guess when I wasn't calling on my body for extra backup, I was running purely on my soul's reservoir of energy to keep running up here. And mind jumping was taking a lot out of me – especially jumps as intense as that one.

I cringed at the disturbing, terrible things Paul had shown him...

'Oh, Jesse,' I whispered wretchedly, running my hand through his hair. 'I'm so sorry…'

He flinched under my touch again, and I realised I'd hurt his head. Withdrawing my fingers, I saw a few drops of blood sparkling back at me, and felt very ill at the though that none of Jesse's wounds would get better in this place.

He looked devastatingly pale, and not just because he was trapped in a world of grey – his skin was starkly ashen in comparison to its customary darkness. 'I know it's all lies,' he breathed. 'And yet, the misery still comes…'

A tear trickled down my face, and doing away with the No Physical Contact Rule, I edged closer to him, holding him carefully and resting my lips against his neck, kissing him there comfortingly. He sighed, wrapping his damaged arms around me. I caressed his neck with soft kisses, nuzzling against his skin. I felt his hands tighten around my arms as he felt my cold tear trickle down his skin.

'Don't cry…' he entreated. 'Please, Susannah…I can't stand it.'

'I'm sorry,' I said again, helplessly kissing him between my sobs. 'But this is all just so bleak. And you're so hurt…'

He brought me away from his throat, cupping my face tenderly as he had done during our very first kiss. 'Susannah, I will heal. As soon as I find a way out, I will be fine. Do not waste any of your energy on worries for me.' He kissed away my tears kindly, which only made_more_ come when I realised how classically Jesse an action like this was. It was really him… 'I love you, _querida_…'

I stared at his forearms, at the slashes I'd seen inflicted by Paul's knife. The lesions shone mockingly up at me, refusing to close over and heal because Jesse's ability to do so was frozen in time…forgotten. There was nothing I could do to help them get better…if I touched them, they'd bleed more.

He watched me examining him with a solemn expression. 'Susannah, stop,' he insisted. 'It's just making you upset…'

'Of course it is!' I cried. 'Look what he's _done_to you!' More than ever, I regretted not having the darkness I required in my soul to kill Paul Slater. No one was more deserving of death than him.

Jesse's lips brushed against my forehead soothingly. 'Shhh…' he said gently. 'How about we just lie down, Susannah?'

I went to move in this position myself, but instead he gathered me up in his arms and carried me over to the head of the bed himself, laying me there and moving on the bed with me. 'You shouldn't have done that,' I said. 'You're injured…'

'I'm fine,' he kept saying dismissively. 'Stop fretting about me.'

I curled up against him, staying close. He wrapped his arms around me tightly until our breathing soon fell into perfect synchrony. My eyes continued to leak liquefied pain. My heart was exhausted.

'I hate this…' I whimpered against his throat. He played absently with my hair. 'I don't want to go back… I'll miss you too much. And I'm just tired, all the _time…_I hate this all. I hate trying to pretend I'm strong, when I'm not…I can't keep lying to myself… I'm _nothing_ – '

'Susannah,' sternness entered his voice immediately. 'You are _not_ nothing. You are strong enough to do this. And you are never alone, _querida_. I am always with you, even if there are a few planes that separate us.'

'I can't – '

'You can.'

'Not without you…'

'You can do this. I believe in you, Susannah.'

'I don't want – '

He shushed me lovingly. 'Rest, _mi amor…_' His fingers crept to the base of my neck and he tickled there with a tantalisingly soft touch, something he knew from long ago that pacified me. I sighed breathily from the calming sensation that melted over my body. I felt at peace, in his arms… Quiet and still. As every second went by, more hope trickled into my heart.

More faith in his belief in me.

'I will get you out of here,' I swore to him. 'I'll save you…'

'And then, let me save you,' he prayed.

'Okay…' I muttered tiredly.

His voice was quiet and even; his sanity was grounded by my presence. 'But for now… just rest with me.'

* * *

**Please review. **


	26. Foresight

Yes, I am fully aware that I am shamelessly self-advertising, but…

**I HAVE JUST STARTED UP A ****MEDIATOR WRITING CHALLENGE FORUM**** ON FANFICTION.**

It will begin in January '08. If you are interested in participating, please see the forum for more details. It's seriously fun, guys. Ask any of those who were in it for the MCBC's old challenges, like Aina (Sharkenator), Em (The General,) Char (bbblfl) and so on… they've all got entries on their fanfiction lists, so check them out.

To find my new baby, go onto my account and go to "My Forums."

Okay, promotion time is over. Go about your day as usual.

_And now, for Chapter 26…_

It's much longer than usual – but we had to finish it here. I actually cried at the end. Which is weird, since I never react very emotionally when I'm writing. I did here, though.

**-F&I-**

I hadn't seen Father Dominic for six whole days.

Not hide nor hair of him. The same went for Lily, too. Both of them had disappeared off of the chart completely. I'm sorry, but that left me plainly terrified. With no ghostly companion to track them down to ensure that they were safe and sound, I had no way of knowing if I'd ever see either one of them again.

Alive, anyway. For at least fifty percent of the missing party.

Paul hadn't tried to contact me since the day I'd nearly stabbed him with my trusty shard of glass. That was also another silence that had me extremely nervous. Conspiracy theories chased each other inside my fretful mind. Were the two disappearances related? Not that Paul had disappeared, just…I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so literally alone. I hadn't spoken to Jesse that entire time either, but I think that reunion I'd had with him a week earlier was the one thing that was keeping me going. He was in pain, but at least I knew he was there. I could still feel him with me, even if we'd only spent a few short hours together, in each others arms…

The days passed slowly and tensely at home. Mom saw no reason to let me out of the house since Paul "Golden Boy" Slater hadn't come around to take me out. She's so stupid – if I have a date, it was okay to let me out. Otherwise, I was grounded for my behaviour of late. Seriously. She seemed to think that Paul was a good influence on me, and he was the only one who got through her barrier.

Finally on Friday night, she conceded and allowed CeeCee to sleep over. I think even _she_ could see that I was clearly going out of my mind with nerves about something or other, although knowing her, she probably thought it was something frivolous like Paul and I having a lovers' spat or something.

'Hey,' CeeCee murmured hesitantly as she shuffled through my bedroom doorway, dragging her night-bag behind her. She bit her lip the moment she saw me. 'Still no word?'

'Not a whisper,' I replied bitterly, punching my pillow which I was holding against my chest. She winced again, sensing accurately that my state of mind was kind of up a creek of the faecal variety. 'It's pretty rude, ya know? I mean, at a time when Dom KNOWS I'm super paranoid that Paul's gonna blow him up or something, couldn't he have even left a _text _message or something? I'm not picky.'

'He doesn't have a cell phone,' she pointed out.

I glared as she sat on the window seat. 'That's not the point. He could have sent Lily over quickly, just to say, "Hi, Susannah. Yeah. We're not dead. Well, I am, being a ghost, but your local priest isn't. Although he's aware you're gonna shoot him in the pancreas the second he gets back home–"'

'Calm down,' she soothed. 'I'm sure they're fine. Paul would have gloated if he'd done something to them, right?'

I paused and marvelled this insight for a moment, before shrugging and grumbling anxiously some more. 'I guess… But still. It'd be _nice_ to know for sure… I didn't think this would be a week-long trip, is all.'

The night went by quickly, thanks to a series of movies that CeeCee had brought around. David even let me borrow his portable DVD player to watch them, since we didn't really want to go into the other room, lest my mother be in the same room as me. She yelled at me a lot more easily these days. It was pretty much the only time she communicated with me. Andy just pretended nothing was wrong to my face, but I heard him assuring my mother behind my back that "she–" that is to say, I, "is just being a selfish teen and she'll grow out of it."

If they only knew...

The last thing I remembered that night was watching the opening credits of _Ten Things I Hate About You _before I'd surrendered to my weariness. It was a pity…I…I really loved that movie…especially when… when Heath Ledger sings that song on the sports field…to Julia…Stiles…

Looking around, I shivered. At first I didn't understand why I was so cold. I was in Paul's living room, and there was a fire roaring in the hearth…

Then I glanced down at my feet and realisation hit me. Oh, of course – that was why I was chilly. I was skating on ice. Sharply bladed shoes clung to my feet. I slid away from the fire, apprehensive that the icy floor surrounding it would melt from its heat. With a heart pounding quickly with excitement, I skated around, grinning. I hadn't done this in at least eight years –

A black figure suddenly zoomed in front of me, startling me and sending me flying backward onto my butt. The ice made my pants wet. I grumbled at the figure that was standing directly in front of me with a cheesy smile. His tooth twinkled. He was barely five feet tall.

'Robbie,' I scowled. 'Was that really necessary? And what are you wearing?'

'I'm not Robbie,' he said earnestly. 'I'm Batman. Can't you tell from the costume? I'm a hero.' He twirled around, his cape flaring out as he did so. His whole costume was black and yellow, and a familiar symbol glared back from his tiny chest. I rolled my eyes at him.

'Don't be silly, you're not a hero. Heroes aren't short,' I said to him. 'And Batman can't fly.'

'I'm Super-Batman,' he informed me, looking rueful.

I shook my head at him pityingly and got back onto my skates. 'I need to find Father Dominic,' I told him. 'I lost him.'

'This sounds like a job for–' he began triumphantly, but I cut him off, assuring him he wasn't Super-Batman. He stared sheepishly back at me, hovering over the icy ground. I skated with astounding grace into Paul's kitchen, which was completely frozen. What had once been the fridge and stove were now jabbed rectangular chunks of ice. Robbie whistled in surprise, adjusting his Bat-belt importantly.

'Wait here,' I whispered.

'Can't I come with you?' he whined, flying higher. 'I want to help you.'

'No!' I snapped. 'You're too little!'

His face fell, and he gradually settled until his feet touched the ground. 'Okay,' he griped sulkily. 'I'll wait for you, Suze.'

Nodding firmly, I skated over to Paul's stairway. It took a lot of effort and some instances of slipping, but finally I was on the second landing. I called out for Father Dom, but was only met with what distinctly sounded like Lily Winters' crying.

Down the hall, I slid urgently, following her voice. Finally I got to the source of the sound, but the door was locked and a "Do Not Disturb" sign hung ominously from the door. Through the door, Lily's head suddenly poked out and I jumped in shock. Her face was streaked with tears, and her untamed hair frizzed palely past her chin.

'Shhh!' she hissed harshly, looking furtively in all directions. 'He's asleep! But don't forget to wake him up later.'

Frowning, I skated away. I was annoyed that he couldn't wake up _now_. I couldn't remember why…but I needed him. Oh well. If he and Lily wanted to sleep, then I wouldn't intrude. It was quite bad-mannered, though, to sleep at a time like this –

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall; who's the coldest of them all?'

I stopped in my tracks, grabbing the nearest doorframe and slamming against the frozen wall suddenly. I backtracked a little and carefully entered the room I'd just passed. Mist hung in the hair coldly, clinging to my skin and making me shiver even more. Why had I not worn more than this silly white dress? I was so very cold…

However, the sight before me certainly stole priority in my mind. There, before a ten foot mirror, stood Paul Slater with his hands pressed against the glass. I approached him cautiously. 'Paul? What are you–'

Then I yelped in shock.

Paul had no face.

Where his features were supposed to be, blank skin just stretched over his skull. I saw the structure of his nose buried beneath the thin flesh, and also I could make out his eyeballs rolling frantically. But it was all hidden.

'Oh my God,' I gasped. 'Paul…where on earth did your face go? Do you know that you don't have a f–'

'Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate!' he cried desperately, turning around in fury. Instantaneously, his eyes emerged, as did his mouth and nose. The icy room began to drip. He groaned, frustrated. 'Great. Now look what you did. You made me feel again,' he spat. 'I just…I just need to practice harder…'

He mumbled incoherently to himself, spinning around to face his reflection again. The trickling water around the room froze mid-drop. One by one, he tore his features off until he had no face again.

'Perfect…' I heard him whisper confidently to himself. 'Be cold…hide it all… Then you will be ready…'

Finally, he turned around again, regarding me with a mouth and nose, but no eyes. He smirked. 'Well, Suze. What brings you here?'

'Like I'd tell you,' I said savagely.

'Have you come to kill me?' he asked. He sounded almost enthusiastic. I shook my head, but instantly, a No. 2 pencil materialised in my hand and I stopped rejecting this scenario. 'Oh,' I mumbled. 'I guess I have…'

I launched it at his chest, but ended up missing completely; instead, the lead pencil collided with the mirror, shattering the glass completely.

'No!' he screamed shrilly, his body suddenly contorting in pain, his fingers clawing. However, whilst the glassy mirror had disappeared, Paul's reflection stood inside the mirror's frame, regarding the pair of us with cold eyes.

I skated quickly from the room, scared that there were now two Pauls. That was twice the torture. Fiercely, I skidded past the endless corridor of doors. Whenever one was open, I'd peer inside curiously, but nothing would catch my attention. Just that little blond girl, Gemma, crying that Paul had stolen her teddy bear… and Madame Zara giving a palm reading to my mother… and CeeCee's hair was on fire –

Again, I forced myself to stop.

'CeeCee!' I yelled, diving into the room to save her. She was writhing on the ground, shrieking for me to put it out, that it was too hot, that she couldn't handle the fire –

She was melting the icy ground.

'Cee,' I said desperately, 'Just stop moving, maybe I can blow it out…'

She didn't, though. She kept bellowing in pain, thrashing around – her voice reverberated inside my skull. My hands shook as I tried to fan it out, but that only made it bigger. A hole was getting bigger and bigger in the ice. Through the gap, I saw freezing water surging beneath.

'I can't take it,' she whimpered. 'Suze, I need to – it's so _hot_–'

And without further warning, she pitched herself through the hole into the icy liquid.

My eyes bugged in horror. 'Come back!' I wailed, banging on the ice. 'CeeCee, I know it's hot, but come back to me!' The ice cracked even more, fractures snaking across the pale blue ground where my fists had struck. Behind me, I heard a high-pitched voice ask, 'You told me to come back?'

I spun violently. 'Robbie! Now is not the time! CeeCee is on fire!'

His smile widened. 'I can save her, Suze!' And he leapt into the water after her. I screamed again, my heart pounding –

But then, both figures of Paul Slater burst into the room, each seizing one of my arms and shoving me against the wall. I struggled against their hold, but they were too strong for me. 'Please,' I begged them, looking from one pair of icy blue eyes to the other, searching for mercy. They both had eyes, now. 'CeeCee – she'll drown…or burn, I'm not sure which–'

Paul – the one on the left - laughed mockingly at me. 'She's gone,' he promised me. 'Look…'

I gazed past his shoulder and saw Robbie crawling out of the hole wretchedly, clutching a tiny body in his hands. It certainly wasn't CeeCee.

It was a baby cat.

'I'm sorry,' he sobbed. 'I couldn't find CeeCee anywhere… You were right in telling me that I'm not a hero. And Ophelia died, Suze…'

I choked back on my tears. However, I'd almost cried too soon – without warning, the little kitten twitched in his arms with life. It grew rapidly before my eyes, before coming over to me, curling its tail affectionately around my legs. It wasn't a kitten anymore. It had grown up.

'It came back to life!' Robbie said in awe. 'Suze! Did you see?'

'I–' I tried to reply, but the Paul on the left re-slammed me against the icy wall. More fractures appeared across the surface. 'Damn it!' he glowered ferociously at me, before spitting on the cat in disgust, and dematerialising in a swirl of red mist. My gaze swiftly met the Paul on my right who still held me – the reflection.

'Are you him too?' I asked carefully. 'I thought there was only one Paul Slater.'

'I'm not him,' he replied with a gentle smile.

'Then who are you?'

His hands slid to mine and he gave them a cheerful squeeze. 'Oh, come on. Haven't you already guessed?'

I shook my head, confused.

'It was the only way,' he went on with a nonchalant shrug. 'The only way to save them. I had to become Paul. It was hard…I never wanted to turn into him…I've seen the things he's done, and I didn't want that. But I had no choice…'

'Who are you?' I pressed, staring into those flawlessly blue eyes.

He grinned back at me.

'I'm you, Suze.'

My hands ripped from his suddenly.

'You are not,' I snarled. 'I would _never_ let myself become him. I could _never_ be like him. Be…evil…'

'You will,' he assured me. 'When the time comes, you'll know why I did, Suze. That it's the only way – '

'NEVER!' I screamed, shoving him backward. He too fell through the ice. I prickled all over instantly as he hit the water. I could feel my heart slowing down…the cold was taking its toll on me…

My arms wrapped around my chest in pain. Robbie told me I should have let him save me; that I could have avoided this - I was so cold… I was the coldest of them all…

'Susannah?'

Slowly, my eyelids parted and my eyes basked in the vision of Jesse de Silva, standing before me. He was looking so very faint, like, his existence was fading... This scared me. I leapt at him, seizing him fitfully. 'There you are,' I whispered. 'I was so cold without you.'

'I will make you warm, Susannah,' he promised me. And he was. I'd never felt a person that warm to touch before. My fingers tingled from his heat.

That was until his skin suddenly became far too hot to continue to make contact with. Sharply, I stumbled back, glaring at him in confusion. 'What are you doing?' I demanded. 'Cool down! You're boiling!'

He sent a despondent look my way - right before his form burst into colossal flames.

'JESSE!' my voice shattered the icy walls, collaborating with his fire in bringing about total destruction to this winter palace. Engulfed in flames, he tilted his head sadly, before every part of him disintegrated into ash, falling swiftly to the icy floor beneath him.

He was dust.

'No!' I screamed, falling to my knees. He was gone. Paul had finally gotten to him. He'd destroyed him... I was alone.

Hyperventilating, I looked down at my form and noted with bewilderment that I was in a strange black robe with a rope tied neatly around my middle. Atop my head was a cloth - a habit. Around my neck hung a large crucifix. I didn't understand. I wasn't even religious! Why was I a nun?

_Susan…help me…_

Who was that voice?

_It was…so stupid…didn't change anything…_

I tore the cross away and threw it at the dust, causing it to stir. The ice around me continued to melt, water gushing from all sides and flooding the room. I stood up quickly. I needed to get out of here. I had to escape, or I'd be crushed by the water. It was too powerful -

_Do you really think I'd call for you if I truly didn't need your help, you ignorant girl? Come now!_

I ran to the jagged door, but it was already being crushed by the weight of the water from above - if I chanced my escape through there, I was likely to be killed. But if I stayed...

I dove through the doorway, just as it collapsed with a roar behind me. I skated madly down the hallway as a wave of wild water rushed behind me. The staircase had melted so severely that it had become a bumpy ramp rather than individual steps, so I skated flawlessly down the decline, increasing in speed exponentially. My chest seized up in fear of the impending pain as I caught sight of the serrated wall that I was destined to smash into -

But before I reached the danger, I felt my body dematerialise completely in a mist of sapphire blue...

...To find myself in an enormous, pearly white bathroom that stank of burnt flesh.

That was when I realised I'd been dreaming. Wherever I was now - I certainly didn't recognise the location - I was definitely awake. My mind still buzzed from the rush of my vivid nightmares and adrenaline coursed thickly though my veins, prompting me to run. But I'd been literally ripped out of my dream for a reason. There was something that I was supposed to do.

'There...y'are...'

I spun around upon hearing the croaking, breathless voice and my mouth fell open, agape.

Sprawled in the large spa bath was a fully clothed Dr. Slaski, half-immersed in water. On his stomach sat an extremely broken radio, connected to the wall by a switched on power cord. I rushed over to him but he snapped in extreme pain, 'Don't touch me, you idiotic child! Turn it off first! I think the fuse b-blew, b-but I don't...know... oh hell and damnation, _why_ did I do it?'

Obediently, I switched the radio off and then dragged it out of the water by the cord. Then, I moved closer to him, my eyes alight with anything but sympathy.

'You did this to yourself,' I spat.

He groaned again, obviously suffering terribly. 'I had to try...' he whispered.

I exploded.

'How could you have been so stupid?!' I roared. 'Honestly! What kind of immortal idiot tries to electrocute himself? You really are the BIGGEST douche bag in the _universe_! Now look at you! You're all-'

His eyes narrowed and he twitched painfully. 'Immortal?' he laughed coldly. 'I think we have established that I am not living forever, you brat. Dying forever would be more fitting. Now help me out... your presence animates me, but I can't move very well... and when I'm out, I have a bone to pick with _you_, missy.'

I heaved him out, and he sagged against me wetly and tiredly. 'Get me...out of here...'

'I'm trying,' I jabbed, thinking he just meant the bathtub.

'No - this house. Thanks to your White Hats, the little shit knows that I've been talking to you...'

This caused a mild embolism. 'Say _what_?'

'Just get me out of this house!' he snapped. 'I'm in danger here!'

'Oh, right.' Quickly, I dematerialised the pair of us to my bedroom, at which point CeeCee woke up violently from her sleep. 'Oh my God, Suze, you scared the piss outta me! What time is it? It looks kinda early to - ' she froze, mid-sentence, before demanding, 'What is _that_?'

'The biggest douche bag,' I informed her, dragging Dr. Slaski over to the window seat where he leant heavily against the glass with the occasional grunt of discomfort. He sneered at my bedroom. 'Pink?' he scoffed, eyeing my bedcovers which - even in the moonlight - were still extremely girly. Embarrassingly so. 'God, this is worse than I'd imagined...'

Flushing, I fired back, 'Shut up.'

CeeCee squinted, pulling her bedcovers firmly against her chest. 'Suze...is that that old guy who came to the bookstore that day? What the hell is _he_ doing here?'

Poor CeeCee. Imagine waking up to your best friend stumbling around the room, covered with a dripping wet, creepy old geezer of like, ninety?

You had to feel sorry for her.

'Yeah,' I mumbled angrily. Then I turned back to the Doctor. 'Okay,' I snarled. 'Bone to pick with me, hey? Go for it. Make it fast, because I'm ready to do my bit for the Kill the Slater Fund and slaughter you myself.'

Rather than appearing at all alarmed, he just scowled horribly. 'I wouldn't have needed to try and end my life if you hadn't told the boy about me!'

'I didn't,' I snapped. 'And neither did my other peeps. So just - '

He coughed in mighty offence. 'I think I would know when I've been betrayed!' he cried in outrage. 'The way he tortured me with his flashy magics would certainly suggest that you ratted me out. And perhaps I misinterpreted the words, "Suze told me something really interesting the other day..."?'

'I would NEVER - ' I began, but suddenly broke off, feeling very ill.

...I had told.

Paul had posed as Jesse, and I'd let it slip about Dr. Slaski giving us information about the game. Oh my God. That mistake had led to Paul tormenting his grandfather...

Dr. S regarded me coldly as I stood before him, frozen. 'Jog your memory, did it?'

My mouth fell open. 'I'm so sorry... that was the day when he tricked me. He came to me as someone else. I didn't know it was - '

'I don't want your petty excuses,' he said filthily. His skin was charred and blackened in various places across his body that I could see, and another whoop of guilt diseased me. 'All I demand now, is around-the-clock protection, Susan. I believe I'm fully entitled, considering your naïve stupidity put me on my grandson's hit list.'

CeeCee choked. 'This is Paul's _grandpa_?'

'Can't you tell?' I grumbled. 'This is obviously not where Paul gets his good looks from.'

The crispy-fried Dr. Slaski snorted at the insult. 'I was quite catching at his age!' he defended heatedly. 'All that, he got from me. I only wish that the boy had missed out on some of the more dangerous Slaski genes.'

'Insanity?' I suggested.

He growled.

CeeCee crawled out of bed slowly. The moonlight bounced prettily off her pale face as she came to stand by my side, eyeing the old man worriedly. 'He's pretty rude,' she said observantly.

'Oh, once you get to know him, you realise that the rudeness is just him overcompensating for how deeply pathetic he is,' I replied conversationally. He didn't sound too impressed with that, but he was still anxiously awaiting my decision to grant him protection.

'Fine,' I rolled my eyes. 'Since you _are_ insane, it is only fair that we grant you asylum.'

Again, he winced and cast a beady eye around my bedroom. 'I'm not staying _here_...' he shuddered.

The expression I gave him was a twisted mixture of disgust and fury. 'Too RIGHT you're not!' I half-shouted. 'Oh my God, I can't even _imagine_ having a _creepy_ little old man in here - '

'Your ghost boy's a lot older than me,' he pointed out. 'Well, marginally.'

'He looks _good_ for his age,' I snapped. Then I gathered my patience once more. 'Anyway. You can bunk with Father Dom, okay? He's got his own little room, so no one will question his annoying, wrinkly visitor. Not to mention, he's still kind of away at the moment, so no one should disturb you at all.'

He didn't look that impressed; his wrinkly, fried skin scoffed in mild vexation, but he didn't comment anymore. I guess the pain was really getting to him. I wasn't entirely sure, but I think that if any normal person had done what he'd done, they would be dead by now. Since Dr. Slaski was physically incapable of dying, he'd survived the electrocution but still had to deal with the physiological side effects. Despite my disgust of him, a trickle of pity entered my mind. I didn't envy his situation for a moment. It was only natural that he would have tried to end this whole game – to stop his prolonged life…_especially_ after he'd learned to expect nothing but torture from his vengeful grandkid.

'All right, let's get you to Dom's,' I mumbled. 'Do you want me to drive you, or shall we just materialise?'

CeeCee did a double-take. 'What?'

I sighed. 'Erm…I can… what's a word I'm looking for…? Teleport? Or Apparate–' I smirked a little. 'Or Orb… although don't think for a moment that I'm living the Charmed life…'

'I knew you were a m-mediator,' CeeCee's voice was one of absolute disbelief. 'But Suze – you can't physically disappear from one place and reappear another–'

'Sure I can,' I replied. 'The kid on _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ did it. I just don't shrink. Think of me as…an email or something.'

'Bloody hell,' Slaski muttered weakly, but still irritably. 'Is there anyone who you _don't _tell about your abilities, girlie? Next thing you'll tell me you're advertising on one of those rotten midnight hotlines, offering to predict _love_ _compatibility_.'

I ignored him.

CeeCee shifted awkwardly. 'God…I'm going to keep having to wrap my head around this, aren't I?' She laughed awkwardly. 'Okay, fine… you're a ghost-busting, teleporting, Game-playing, incorruptible ex-New Yorker.' Cee took a moment to consider all of this. 'The rest I'll learn to deal with, but the New York thing is just too weird for me to even go there.'

I grinned, appreciating her existence even more.

'Will you materialise with me?' I asked her. After a moment of apprehension, she finally nodded. 'Right,' I instructed. 'Grab this hand – I've gotta use this arm to drag Char-Grilled over here to the rectory. I've never done this with a non-ghostie or a…well, a normal person. So hopefully you don't get–'

'Splinched?' she said eagerly.

'Um.'

She blushed. 'Nothing. I was just continuing on in the Harry Potter vein…'

As I was grabbing a hold of the Doctor, he suddenly was all, 'Isn't he that magic queer boy always playing with his wand?'

At which point CeeCee started giggling like mad.

'Shhh!' I shushed her. 'Close your eyes. It won't feel as icky if you can't see it…'

**-F&I-**

I may have been new to the art of materialisation, but really - I don't think there was any excuse for how terrible I was at it. Not only did I feel God-awful afterwards, but the times I managed to materialise and remain standing in my chosen location were few and far between.

When I had passengers, however...things got really crummy.

I knew it had gone kind of pear-shaped the moment I felt a fairly considerable pain in my lower extremities - the reason for this being that both Dr. Slaski and CeeCee had landed in a heap on top of me. I started whining noisily for them to get off, with the Doctor barking that it wasn't exactly his position of choice, and CeeCee moaning that someone was crushing her foot.

When I looked up however, I got a jolt when I saw Father Dominic and Lily Winters standing in front of us, suddenly tearing away from each other with looks of stunned emotion in their eyes. 'Susannah!' Father D exclaimed, 'What on earth is all of this?'

Crawling from beneath the tangle of bodies, I muttered darkly, 'That's the last time I play Choo Choo Train, EVER. I can't even feel my legs, you two. Then again, that may be due to the morbid obesity of your massive _ego_, Dr. Slas–'

Lily hurried over and helped CeeCee climb to her feet - she seemed grateful to be detached from the somewhat burnt smelling old coot who immediately started mouthing everyone off.

I rushed over to Father Dom and threw my arms around him. 'You're back!' I said gratefully, squeezing him within the inch of his life. 'You were gone for almost a week! I thought you were dead! Where did you go? What happened? Did you find anything out? How long have you been back? Who did you go to - '

'Suze,' Lily interrupted. 'He can't breathe.'

'Oh,' I mumbled, releasing him. He inspired deeply, staring at me uncannily.

'Goodness me,' he mumbled. 'That's quite a hold you have there, Susannah.'

'Abject terror makes me strong,' I pointed out a little irritably. 'Seriously though, 'fess up, dude.'

Intruding upon the conversation again, the Doctor snapped furiously, 'Is _anyone_ going to help me up, or do I have to phone that queer to assist me?'

'Harry Potter?' CeeCee asked, confused as to whom the queer in question was.

'No,' he grumbled moodily. _'Greg_.'

I snorted.

Wow. I guess I could see why a turbo-happy sunshine guy like Greg would piss Dr. Slaski off as a Day Attendant.

After heaving him up and dumping him on Father Dominic's couch - he swore rather rudely when Father Dom wryly offered him the Courtesy Chair again - I turned my attentions back to the priest. 'Okay. Tell me everything, now.'

CeeCee, still looking kind of bleary, stepped away nervously from Dr. Slaski who was eyeing her with burning curiosity.

'Stop being creepy,' I chastised. As soon as he thought I wasn't watching, he flipped me off.

Lily and Dom exchanged glances - I noticed her looking pleading, and him looking defensive. Then she sighed, shrugged, and went to stand in the corner.

'Sit down, Susannah,' Father Dom instructed. Both CeeCee and I sat on the edge of his knee-high coffee table after moving some pamphlets about the "Rewarding Experience of Priesthood." He started pacing before us, trying to collect his thoughts. The Doctor stared intensely at him along with us.

'Firstly, you asked when we got in,' he began. 'That was three hours ago. You were asleep, so we didn't wake you. Also, you asked why this trip took so long...' he trailed off, and Lily was glaring at him again. 'That was because Lily and I had to track someone down... we, however, only had a name to go by. Also, this person is completely mortal, so there was nothing supernatural to be done about finding her location. I also didn't know what she looked like - only the sound of her voice. One last detail was that I knew where she came from. All in all, it was a fairly impossibly task, and I'm quite surprised we pulled it off in a mere six days. The trip was fairly fruitful.'

'Sound of her voice?' I said doubtfully. 'Father D - you didn't break out the little black book and go ex hunting, did you?'

CeeCee looked at me in surprise. I guess she wasn't used to me being so frivolous with our high-school principal.

Father Dominic's lips twitched. 'No, Susannah...'

'He has more than enough exes to deal with at the moment, I'd wager,' Dr. S snorted. I shot him a filthy look, and he quietened again.

'Anyhow, my story,' Father D muttered in disapproval of the Doctor's interruption. Lily was awkwardly avoiding his gaze now. 'Approximately twenty years ago, give or take a few, I had a very strange visit in the confessional one day. A woman had entered on the other side, shielded by the veil that separated us. The confession began as they all do, where she asked for forgiveness for her sins... but then she said she didn't need God's forgiveness - but my own.'

I frowned. He was right - that was pretty weird.

'Confused by this, I asked her what she meant, and she sadly replied, "I should have come to you long ago." I invited her to tell me what she meant by this, and she started rambling incoherently. At the time, I had no idea what she meant when she mentioned the game, and that I was running out of time, and that she wished her role as informant had been given to another, and that she saw terrible things in my future... but it makes better sense now, some twenty years on.'

My eyes widened. 'Informant? Of what?'

'The game,' he revealed. 'I thought it was odd how I was simply expected to know what I was a part of, and how I'd completely missed out on participating. Not that I'm not thankful,' he cast a somewhat arrogant look at the Doctor, who sneered, 'But it didn't seem right. Apparently, however, it was this woman who was meant to inform me of the role I played. And you too, Susannah. Unfortunately, she didn't take her duty very seriously... at least not until she began to see visions of the future.'

I sat up a little straighter. He was looking at me in a really peculiar way, like he was waiting for me to jump in with a theory at any moment.

'At this point in her life, she began to realise that her duty was very critical. She attempted to contact me in the confessional, but after uncloaking her name and hometown when I pressed further, she fell silent completely. Somewhat perplexed, I went around to her compartment of the cubicle...but she had vanished.'

'She disappeared?' CeeCee said, sounding extremely sceptical.

'No, Miss Webb. She had opened the door and walked out,' Father Dom smiled kindly. 'Even I would have raised an eyebrow, had a woman literally disintegrated into thin air.'

'Oh.'

Father D went on. 'I put the encounter out of my mind, dismissing it as nonsense. However, recent events urged me to recall all I could, since this woman appeared to be involved somehow in this game - this cycle. Lily and I travelled to the place she mentioned to me - New York.'

I twitched. 'Hey! That's my - '

'I know,' he cut me off. 'I am well aware of that. Just as you will be well aware exactly of whom I am referring to, when I tell you this woman's name.'

'Huh?' I crinkled my brow. It wasn't Grandma, was it? I mean - yeah, she was old, but she didn't seem the game-playing, informant-y type, ya know?

'This woman's name,' Father Dom said slowly, 'is Zara.'

My eyes just...popped.

'You are _shitting_ me,' I spluttered.

'Mind your goddamned language,' Dr. Slaski snapped. 'You bloody kids...'

'Madame Zara?!' I half-shrieked. 'That whacked out fortune teller lady that Gina and I went to? No way. No way is she part of all of this. No freakin' way - '

Father Dominic said earnestly, 'She tried to tell you then, Susannah! Do you remember? She told me how alarmed she was when she touched your hands, and realised you see the dead. She accidentally let that slip, even though she knew she shouldn't have in the presence of your friend. She saw so many things in your future...so many terrible things that she wanted to warn you about. However, she couldn't, because of your friend Gina. She told you the least incriminating thing she saw for you, and that was news of your love.'

'One love for all of eternity...' I mumbled.

'Exactly,' he said. 'She meant it, Susannah.'

'Is she a mediator?' I asked quickly.

Lily shook her head. 'No; she couldn't see me. She's just an extremely accurate psychic.'

'The moment she touched you, she knew that you were the Player for Light of this generation, and that terrified her. She wondered whether this meant that the previous participant she'd failed to adequately warn had been killed. As you walked out, she wanted to call you back in alone, to share with you all she saw...about a dark haired man with the blue eyes, about pain - sadness. About fire. And a place of mist and grey, where time was still and nothing could heal - but she didn't have the courage. She hoped that you would have been intrigued by her accurate reading of your mediating abilities, and that would draw you back to her. But you never returned...'

I was staggered.

This was...too much. I couldn't believe it. All those years ago...I'd been so close to getting a little foresight about the crap that was in store for me. But that stupid psychic, Madame freakin' Zara, had been SCARED. Oh, big DEAL. Did she think I wasn't scared every _second_ I was around Paul, wondering if this was the day he was going to kill me? Or if Jesse would finally fade entirely from existence, and I'd never get to hold him again? What did she have to be scared about? Me calling her crazy or something? I mean, sure, I would have, but at least I would have _known_. So when it all started happening, I would have remembered her words, and I would have acted to stop it all from unfolding...

But no. She chickened out.

'Where did you say she was?' I demanded hotly. 'New York, right? Good. Because I wanna tell her _her_ fortune That is to say, a very angry fist is going to connect with her _face_ in the near future - '

'She said you'd be upset,' Lily sighed.

'I'm not upset!' I stood up furiously. 'I'm PISSED OFF!'

CeeCee pulled me back down soothingly. 'Suze, calm down. Let him keep telling the story.'

I went to rant at her, but after a second, I realised the futility of it. Instead, I settled moodily. 'Fine. Keep going...'

'So, with only a name and a city, it was terribly difficult to track her down. Had I known she was a famous local psychic, our search would have been considerably easy. In fact, it was just when we were ready to give up when I received a call to my hotel room, and there she was, asking why we were trying to find her.'

CeeCee gasped.

I raised my eyebrows, impressed. 'Wow. Not bad, Zazzy.'

'We arranged a meeting immediately - she cleared all of her appointments for the day...'

Dr. Slaski scoffed. 'Appointments. Hah! Stupid sheep-like mortals, begging to know their futures - but they don't like it much when it's bad news, do they? Then again, the "famous local psychic" wouldn't have exactly been a concrete source of - '

'Would you shut up?' I groaned. 'And dude - don't diss the fortune teller. If I'm not mistaken, you have a touch of foresight yourself. So that's a little bit of the pot calling the kettle Loony Tunes.'

'You have it too,' he whispered.

I wrinkled my nose. 'Um. No I don't.'

'As Lily said before,' Father Dom bravely endeavoured to return to his story, 'Zara is a very accurate psychic. Her vision is crystal clear...in most cases. She does not deal with metaphors - she sees her visions playing constantly in her head. She's extremely unique in this way. However, she only sees - she never hears.'

'Uh...huh.'

'We asked her about the Corrupter,' Lily divulged. 'If there was a way to destroy him. She went very quiet for a moment, but then said –'

'Lily!' Father Dom growled warningly.

She looked stubborn. 'Dominic. Tell her. She needs to know.'

'Yeah,' I grumbled, peeved that he'd tried to keep stuff from me. 'She does.'

'What did she say?' CeeCee whined. 'God, I _hate_ being the only normie here.'

Dom looked really ticked off at poor Lills, but she didn't back down. She just perched herself on his little kitchen counter, her arms crossed firmly over her chest, glaring at him doggedly.

After about ten seconds, he sighed in defeat. 'All right!' he said. 'Fine. But Susannah, do not jump to conclusions. We will find a way around this, so don't think - '

'Just tell us!' CeeCee urged, going out of her mind. She hated pussy-footing even more than I did.

Dom cast another black look at Lily, who raised her neat eyebrows in an expectant manner. Then he muttered, 'Gabriel the Corrupter, according to Zara, can be killed. However, it is extremely difficult. Not the act itself...but the retrieval of the means. In fact...there are only a select few who are eligible to do so.'

'Really not following so far,' I said.

He pulled up a wooden stool and sat down before CeeCee and I, staring into my eyes gravely. 'She told me... she could see the object that would destroy him,' he said. 'That it was hidden...where he resides. In a realm called Hellkist. Therein resides a glittering pool, but she does not know its purpose...'

'I've been there!' I said excitedly, standing up. 'Do I just push him in the pool? I can totally do that.'

'Sit down, girlie,' Dr. S grunted. 'Don't be daft - he said you had to retrieve something.'

Sounding a little sensitive, Dom retorted, 'I didn't say _she_ had to retrieve anything!'

'Dominic,' Lily hushed him.

He took a deep breath, loosening his priest's collar. 'Zara went on to say that this object is a sword. It is made entirely of ruby, and is trapped behind a black film, embedded in stone - '

'Do _not_ tell me you are going all Arthurian on me,' I whined.

'This has been around a lot longer than that,' he replied patiently, understanding my cynicism. 'Only a - '

'- A true king can pull the sword from the stone?' I finished for him. 'Well, I don't know any kings. Dr. Slaski thinks he knows a queen, though.'

The Doctor laughed appreciatively at my Greg joke.

The priest looked a little less patient, now that I was trying to crack funnies. 'I was going to say, Susannah, that only a Player may retrieve it. So that limits us to you, Paul, our doctor, and myself.'

'Cool. I'll get it,' I shrugged. 'What's the big?'

He closed his eyes, as if in pain.

'It's not that simple,' he said tonelessly.

'Naturally, Gabriel has tried to destroy this one object that could kill him,' Lily went on from the countertop. 'No such luck. So he hid it where he could protect it. To make sure no one would ever be able to use it even if they did get a hold of it.'

'Why?' I asked.

'Corpses cannot handle weaponry very well,' Father Dominic told me.

...I went cold.

'You mean...retrieving the sword...will kill me?' I winced.

CeeCee looked at me sharply, and then back at Father Dominic. 'Did the ghost-girl say something?' she said quickly.

'Yeah,' I said. 'That Gabes has his little knife under protection.'

And not in a condom capacity.

'Why can't you send the old guy?' she demanded. 'Suze already said he tried to kill himself - and since he can't die any other way, won't this be the way out he's been looking for?'

Dr. Slaski, hardly one to be volunteered as a sacrifice, said snidely, 'Fortunately for me, I can barely walk - and when I'm not in the presence of the other Players, I can barely swallow.'

'This must make your relationship with Greg very difficult,' I said in pseudo-mourning. His eyes glittered with anger, and he again fell silent. 'The Doc's right - he's in no fit state to go fetch Excalibur. Maybe we can trick Paul into - '

He piped right back up again, 'Hah! Like he would fall for any of your dim-witted trickery!'

'He almost did when he was drunk,' I snapped.

'Get him drunk!' CeeCee said cheerfully.

'He'd totally know what I was doing - ' I said, when Father Dominic coughed loudly, clearly annoyed that our best plan at the moment was to...get Paul wasted.

It wasn't exactly a winner.

Lily came back over to us, standing behind Dominic with her hand on his shoulder. For a moment, I felt a little awed. I mean, I'd noticed that they were getting a lot less hostile lately, but I didn't think they were in the willingly-holding-each-other stage yet. He didn't even flinch from her touch this time, either. He looked almost...comforted by it. Even if it was the hand of a beautifully dead nineteen year old and he was pushing seventy, they just looked so perfect together.

CeeCee, unfortunately, wasn't granted this sweet sight, being the only one who couldn't see Lily.

'So,' I said with finality, 'It's decided then. I have to do it.'

'No...' Cee whipped around to face me, grabbing my hand. 'Suze - you can't just die.'

I felt kind of cold saying it, but I had to. 'Yes, I can. It's what is going to happen anyway, right? Paul's sacred duty and all. This way, at least I can take out the son of a B who is threatening all of my friends - '

'NO!'

CeeCee had jumped to her feet, glaring at me. She was breathing hard. This was too big for her to conceive. 'Suze, no way. There's got to be another way to get this thing without you having to off yourself.'

'You think I want this?' I challenged. 'Do you think I _want_ to die? I'm seventeen. Yeah, I learned to deal with the stupid mediator thing pretty quickly, but this whole game business that I got thrown into? Where I either had to kill or be killed? Did _not_ sign up for that, Cee. But guess what? It's happening. I can't stop it. I have to participate. If I don't, I'll just get annihilated anyway. And you know what else is happening? Paul summoned this _stupid_ Corrupter guy, whose caused me nothing but shit ever since he mind-jumped me, and now I've got to stop him too, or someone _else_ dies. Someone who has nothing to do with this. It could be you, CeeCee,' I said fiercely. 'Or Robbie. Or my Mom...or David, or Adam - '

'I-I don't care,' she said stiffly.

'Yes, you do,' I rolled my eyes. 'You wouldn't have stuttered if you didn't. And don't be stupid. If Gabriel kills you, he's not going to stop there. He wants something from me. I think it's to turn me evil, but I could be wrong. Whatever it is, he's going to keep hurting me until I give him what he wants. How do I outweigh a pile of bodies of the people I love? Not at all,' I told her. 'I didn't choose this...but it chose me. And I'm going to do _whatever_ it takes to make sure that everyone I care about stays safe.'

'But you'll be dead!' CeeCee rejoined. 'The minute you touch it, you die! So what's the point?'

'I'll go with Lily,' I said decidedly. She wasn't my first choice...but he was still unavailable. 'I can grab it, and if I don't...come back as a ghost, she can take it back to Father Dom, who can - ' I paused. 'No...I don't like the idea of you trying to take Gabriel on, Father D. Is there a way that I can definitely come back as a ghost - ?'

'Enough of this!' Father Dominic rumbled. I looked at his face, and noted the pain in his eyes. 'Susannah - I would appreciate it if you would _stop_ talking about your death so dismissively. CeeCee is perfectly correct. You will not be going to retrieve the sword, Susannah. I will.'

I stood up in outrage. 'Screw that! You are _not_ dying over this mess that I got us into! I won't let you get smooshed for me, Father D -'

Dr. Slaski interrupted again, conveying his general revulsion. 'This room positively stinks of your goodness,' he cringed. 'It's like a disease! Imagine - arguing over who wants to die the most! I surely want to die now, but I would _never_ be so arrogant as to assume my death would mean _anything_ to the world. You're even worse than the boy, with your wide-eyed ideals, and your self-righteous tripe...God, I just hate the lot of you...'

'Then get out!' I screamed at him, marching to stand over him so I could look him in the eye as I kicked him the hell out of his asylum. 'We're not _making_ you stay! Go on? There's the door - and send us a postcard from wherever Paul sends your ass the second he finds you, fraternising with the "lot of us" again!'

He deflated immediately.

I shuffled back over to the coffee table, parking my butt back and yanking CeeCee down with me, who was still standing in a fit of angry hyperventilation. She looked upset and livid with me. Oh well...couldn't be helped.

'So,' I lowered my voice in comparison to my more recent volumes. 'Did Madame Zara have anything else to say about all of this?'

Lily shook her head. 'Not much. She said her vision is cloudy where you and Paul are concerned. There are so many variables that change... all she said, in regard to the game, is that there _is_ a way.'

'A way to what?' I asked.

'To win,' Father Dom said. 'She doesn't know how. But she said that it can be done. And at the time, you'll know. And also, that it won't be your fault.'

I narrowed my eyes at the both of them suspiciously. That sounded a bit dodgy to me - not that they weren't not telling me stuff, just... yeah. Not exactly helpful information from our informant.

Oh yeah. Besides the whole me dying thing. That was a great help.

Father Dominic's lips moved to begin speaking again - however, at that moment, the Doctor suddenly jerked forward, agitated and lively. 'Girl!' he barked at CeeCee, his eyes wild. 'Get out of here!'

She screwed up her face. 'Um. No.'

He crawled off the couch, but since his legs couldn't support him, he crashed on the ground in a heap of electrocuted loserism. I rolled my eyes. 'What are you doing?' I said wearily, but he strained to drag himself closer to CeeCee, grabbing her arm and yanking her to face him. His face was creased with terror, which made me uneasy all of a sudden. 'Get _out_!' he yelled. 'Your head is on fire!'

She clapped her hands to her hair in a kind of reflex action, but upon feeling that there were no flames licking her hair, she gave him a crazy look. 'What the hell?' she scowled, trying to shake him off of her. 'Don't touch me...'

But I was already on my feet, my eyes wide and my heart racing twice the speed of sound. 'CeeCee...you need to get out of here. Something's coming.'

_Stay away from the fire..._ Dr. Slaski had warned so long ago when he'd first seen CeeCee.

I'd been dreaming about her hair being on fire... I thought it was just -

Oh my God.

Dr. Slaski had said that I had a touch of foresight too. Was that how I saw things? In dreams? Besides my visits to Jesse, I mean. I'd foreseen Paul taking me to the cemetery...and him trying to drag me down to his level of evil, by summoning Gabriel. And just a few hours ago, I'd seen CeeCee's hair on fire again, her screaming that she -

I didn't know what...but something bad was going to get her if we didn't save her from this. I looked around the room urgently, trying to see if there were any, like, candles that were going to fall on her or something. Father Dom was on his feet too, holding my arm. 'Susannah? What's the matter?'

Desperately, I wrapped my fingers around her wrist, ready to drag her from the building. It wasn't safe here. There were probably fire hazards everywhere - she was going to get burnt by -

'Suze...' she moaned.

I whirled around, trying to slow my frenzied heart. 'What? Did you - '

But her face - most of her body in fact - was gleaming with sweat. 'I need to sit down...' she mumbled. 'I don't feel very...ugh...'

She collapsed against me, and didn't land flat on her face only due to my fairly quick reaction time. Alarmed by the unnatural burning heat of her skin, I dragged her over to the couch. She moaned, twisting slowly and dragging a sweltering hand across her forehead to mop up the salt water that made her skin shine. 'Suze...what's happening...?' she panted.

Lily's fingers curled against her mouth in alarm. 'Goodness...is she all right?'

'No,' Dr. S snapped. 'For God's sake. _Genius_ girlfriend you got there, Friar.'

Father Dominic moved forward and pressed two fingers against her neck, feeling for her pulse. He pulled away quickly. 'She's extremely hot to touch,' he commented, scared. 'And her pulse is racing...' He turned to Lily swiftly. 'Lily, in my freezer, get as many frozen things as you can! We need to try and cool her down - '

'We need to get her to a hospital!' I said. 'No normal person is supposed to be that hot.'

CeeCee began shaking violently. Her normally pure white skin turned bright red as blood began swelling beneath her surface. Her body was trying to cool her down, but nothing was working. Lily returned with an armful of packaged peas, corn, and a large piece of steak wrapped in plastic. 'Here,' she handed them to me as I placed them against her body, resting the peas on her forehead.

'Susannah,' Father Dom reasoned. 'We can't take her to a hospital. This illness is supernatural, not medical. There's nothing they can do for her there.'

'And what are we supposed to do?' I shrilled, panicking out of my mind as she stared up at me, her vision swaying dangerously. _'Wish_ her better?!'

Father Dom stared at me, looking torn. 'Lily!' he commanded, still holding my gaze. 'There's a bottle of water in the fridge - get it; we need to keep her hydrated.'

Not even two seconds had past before the bottle was in my hand - telekinetically, this time, as the normal means didn't come close to conveying the desperation she needed to. I pressed the unlidded bottle to her lips and she drank weakly, but thirstily. She only cried harder. I tried to stroke her face, but had to withdraw my hand with a hiss of pain.

'She's not just burning up,' I spat at the priest, 'She's burning alive! Feel her forehead, and I'll give you a cookie if you can hold your hand there for over ten seconds!'

Her respiration got shorter and quicker, and she was glowing red. Seeing she was wearing a camisole under her night shirt, my fingers madly fumbled with the buttons as I removed all unnecessary clothing. I saw no reason to get rid of the silk boxers - they couldn't have been contributing to the heat. Fearfully, I unloaded the rest of the bottled water all across her body and she flinched from the shock of it, but then settled for a moment.

I sighed in relief.

Then she started screaming again.

'That's it,' I snarled, sliding her into my arms as I heaved her up. She wasn't heavy, but I wasn't exactly the carrying-people-around type, so a fair amount of exertion was necessary for this feat. 'I don't care if this is supernatural or _intergalactic_. I'm taking her to a doctor, right now.'

'Susannah - '

'Get out of my goddamned way,' I yelled. 'She's really sick!'

Pale-faced, Father Dominic breathed, '...I'll drive.'

Anxiously, Lily opened the door for us as Father Dominic and I burst out of the rectory, with me carrying my whimpering, overheating best friend. As we were leaving, Dr. Slaski was all, 'Oi! Friar! It's past your bedtime! Don't you go and leave us!'

But I spun around and hissed furiously, 'Oh my God, would you shut the _fuck_ up?'

Which, at the time, was harsh but necessary.

Once in his dingy little car, we were racing across the backstreets. I thanked God that it was only about four in the morning, so there were few to no cars on the road. I pressed the frozen peas harder against CeeCee's forehead. She wasn't screaming as much anymore - I would have counted that as a blessing, but I think this was a result of her losing consciousness, which scared me to death.

'Can't you go any faster?' I demanded acidly.

'I'm all ready going double the limit,' he replied, anxiety and stress straining his words. 'Susannah, calm down. She will be okay.'

I'd been so stupid to think that CeeCee's head was literally going to burst into flames. My dreams were usually always metaphoric. Of course she wasn't going to start walking around with fiery hair - not unless she dyed it red or something.

'Why...why is this...happening...' she moaned weakly. 'I can't take it... Suze, I need to - it's so hot-'

'Shhh...' I clicked my tongue, playing with her hair soothingly and trying to stay cool. 'We'll get you better. Whatever's doing this to you, we'll stop it.'

'Who do you think it is?' Father D asked, swerving around a corner sharply, making me slam against the car door. But none of us had time for seat belts. 'Paul? Or - '

'Definitely Gabriel,' I insisted. 'He was the one that - '

Father Dom made a shrill yelp of shock.

'What?' I asked.

'The wheel,' he gasped. 'It's - it's jammed. It's glowing red...'

My heart dropped like a stone down a well. I never heard the splash.

And then, I saw the road ahead - how we were headed for a brick wall unless Father Dominic turned onto the straight...

'Oh my God...' I breathed, my mouth dropping open. We were going to crash. We were going to die. 'Father D! Try! TRY TO TURN!'

He gripped the wheel frantically, throwing his entire weight onto it, trying to aim the car right. But it was locked. 'The accelerator!' he howled, horrified. 'It's being forced down! Susannah, jump out of the car!' My heart nearly exploded in fear.

I scrambled for the door, as did he, but we hadn't been given nearly enough warning. The second before I knew we were going to die, I felt my body fiercely gripping CeeCee's as I longed for us to be safe -

And we shimmered away in dematerialisation.

Seconds later, we rolled onto the grass, unharmed... But the colossal crash of metal on brick was unmistakeable. The sound chilled me to the bone...

I went cold; ice to CeeCee's induced fire.

...Father Dominic.

'No,' I whispered to myself. I pried my arms off of CeeCee, crawling on hands and knees to the wrecked car that had rolled on its side. The blades of grass were wet from the morning, sharp beneath my palms. At the suggestion of feet in the darkness, I crawled even faster, finally scrambling to my feet and staggering over there, cold sweat and tears leaking from my face. 'No...no, no, no, no, NO!' I made it over there, blinded by horror. Around the other side, I saw Father Dom - he was pinned to the ground by the car's weight. He'd almost made it out of the car door, but it had fallen on him upon the crash.

'NO!' I screamed. 'Father D!' I wanted to grab him and shake him till he talked, but I couldn't. The second I saw blood pooling violently around his arms from internal bleeding, I just went insane. I couldn't stop screaming. I tried to - I tried to grab my cell-phone in my pocket, and dial emergency. But rationality had no place here. All I could do was scream into the night.

Soon, I felt arms of a stranger helping me to stand, dragging me away - a woman. A man beside her was talking to someone on his cell-phone. His face was pale. He was dressed in a robe, and shorts. The woman was holding me against her, stroking my hair and shushing me and I kept screaming and telling her I needed to go back and help him, that he was dying, and she said things that I couldn't understand because they weren't what I wanted to hear, and I was crying so hard, and then there were sirens, and I could barely see because of the water in my eyes and my world was so dark –

And across the street, leaning against a tree, he stood, watching me. He gazed at me coldly.

Then he was gone.

**-F&I-**

Please review.


	27. Stripped

**MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY GOODIE-FILLED STOCKINGS! We trust you all had a jolly good day? Or in our Grammar Communist's case, you enjoyed your Chinese food?**

…**Teehee. Anyway – Happy New Year! **

**Lolly needs to apologise firstly, for inserting some…unseemly characters into this chapter. You might recognise them. If so, just ignore them, lol. If you intend to blame anyone for their presence, see Editor Emily and Ainus for convincing me to go for it. Just be lucky we didn't go ahead with the "Dr. Foreskin" idea.**

**Good God, how I want to…**

**By the way – little to NO knowledge about medicine or bodily function, other than my Human Biology course, and my, er, doctor show. So if you see any glaring inaccuracies, we had to blend medical with supernatural. Always tough.**

** Love,  
Lolly and Stephie.  
**

-F&I-

I wanted to not exist.

More than anything, I craved that. Non-existence would have been a sublime, easy alternative for...this. Whatever this was. This monstrosity my life had become. I almost envied Jesse on the Forgotten Plane. Even if it wasn't working properly on him, he had the luxury of one day fading completely, to no longer feel this pain, this constant affliction...

Non-existence. Far less complicated than death.

Death left scars in others. Non-existence just...erased you. No memories, no tears. No more pain for those I loved.

And no more pain for me.

Father Dominic had been in surgery for four hours, now. I waited in the little room I'd been ushered to after riding along in the ambulance as the paramedics frantically spluttered all the ways he was dying. Another had taken CeeCee's temperature...

A hundred and fourteen degrees.

She should have been dead, they said. _No one_ was supposed to survive that. It was uncanny, they went on to tell me, that her brain still had activity.

And finally, I understood Father Dom's assurances that doctors and hospitals couldn't help her anymore.

Her impossible hyperthermia was Paul Slater's doing.

He wouldn't let her die yet, though. He didn't want that. He needed her to be alive; to suffer. To scare me into doing something stupid, so I could make a mistake again, and he would win.

CeeCee's family had arrived twenty minutes after admission. In a daze, I'd given them – the doctors – her contact details. They asked me who to call for Father Dominic, and Lily's name had almost slid from my lips… and that was when I'd just stopped talking.

…Four hours, I waited, until CeeCee's mother finally insisted on getting Mom down to come and get me. I wanted to protest, but I just...couldn't.

The minutes that it took for her to drive there were too fast. It's funny how the things you want to avoid arrive with startling speed, whilst the things you begged to be over quickly took their sweet time, smiling with mockery and pointed teeth as they refused to ease your pain.

She was bewildered, first. I remember that. After listening anxiously to Mrs. Webb as she explained tearfully what had happened to both CeeCee and Father Dominic, Mom was devastated. I remembered that too.

And then she got angry with me.

How could I have snuck out of the house at night time? What business did I have with my school principal at such an ungodly hour? Why hadn't I just stayed home like I was supposed to?

I'd asked myself the same thing...

My reply had never come. I'd just looked away, hugging my knees against my chest as I sat on the uncomfortable hospital chair in their medical-smelling waiting room. Mrs. Webb had hushed her quickly, and they'd both gone to wait in CeeCee's empty room. She wasn't there - the doctors were submerging her in an ice bath to try and decrease her core temperature, apparently... I didn't understand much.

Finally, a tall, skinny aged doctor came limping out of the operating theatre. I sat up more alertly in my seat, staring with wide-eyes. After conferring with one of the nurses, he glanced over to me and rolled his eyes a little. Then he came to stand over me.

'Hello, I'm Dr. Holmes,' he said quickly, as if niceties were too boring for him. 'What relationship do you have with Dominic Young?'

'Who?' I replied, baffled.

'Wrong answer, kiddo.' He lowered his voice, darted his gaze around, and then looked back to me. 'Say daughter, and I can tell you anything,' he winked grimly.

I blinked. I'd had no idea that his last name was Young… God, I barely knew him…

'D-daughter,' I said shakily. 'Just tell me, is – '

He groaned to himself. 'God, Wimpson's much better at giving news like this…' Noting my sudden hysteria, he sighed irritably. My heart had already stopped before he said the words.

'Your priest is dying.'

I swallowed, trying to remain emotionless. 'D-dying?'

'Yes, d-dying,' he replied. Startled at the mockery, my brow furrowed in the beginnings of outrage, before he went on, 'Most of his ribs are shattered. The lung damage are almost irreparable – '

'Almost?'

He looked pained at the interruption, leaning more heavily on his cane. 'Yeah. Almost. Look it up.' My back straightened stiffly as I glared up at him. 'He's suffered massive internal bleeding… I'm sure you're thankful it's not external, though. External get's messy – way too much blood to be aesthetically pleasing. Better dead than red, as they say. That means open casket is still on the cards. Closed casket is just so final, don't you think?'

I flushed angrily. 'Is this a j-joke?'

'No j-joke. _Padre_'s going to have to pray extra hard,' he said, and then groaned, looking past me. 'Yeah…really should have let Wimpson take this one…and I apologise in advance for the foreign whining you're about to experience – '

'Dr. Holmes,' an Australian voice chastised. 'Get back to the clinic.' I turned, and a young blond doctor stood there, glaring at the tall, limping man with the facial hair. Dr. Holmes scoffed, and limped away capably. I stared after him in horror. 'Is he a real doctor?' I demanded.

'Unfortunately…' the young man said. 'I'm Dr. Case. And I promise I didn't cheat on the bedside manner pop quiz like he did.' He gave me a supportive smile, but I glanced back at the operating theatre nervously. 'Was he serious when he said Father Dominic was dying…?'

The smile faded from his handsome features. He looked like an older version of Robbie…but his eyes weren't quite as pretty. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'Your father – '

'He's…my priest,' I admitted weakly, suddenly glad I was sitting down. I felt dizzy. Father Dominic was dying…

Dr. Case didn't look surprised. 'Your _Father_,' he said meaningfully, 'is recovering from the surgery. I'm very sorry, but it doesn't look good. He's in an induced coma at the current time in order to get him through the worst of the pain. After that, we're not sure if he will wake up on his own. There's no neurological damage that we can see. However…we cannot find any brain activity either.'

I gasped. '_What?_ He's…brain dead? What does that mean - ?!'

'At this stage, we're not sure of anything,' he said in a voice that managed to be both solemn and soothing.

'What about CeeCee?' I said desperately. 'CeeCee Webb – the albino girl with the – '

Now he looked a little nervous. 'That patient actually has relatives here that can disclose that information with you,' he told me. 'She – '

'It's not normal hyperthermia though, is it?' I said quietly.

He stared at me.

'…No.'

My eyes closed with heaviness. 'So there's nothing you can do.'

'At this stage,' he said with a bit more amazement in his voice, 'I'd just be grateful that she hasn't died. A temperature of a hundred and seventeen is _unheard_ of. We can't manage to cool her down. It certainly caught Dr. Holmes's attention. He's trying everything he can think of…but we can't understand how she's able to still have moments of lucidity.'

'Dr. Holmes…?' I winced.

'He's an _excellent_ doctor,' he promised me, before adding lightly. 'Just a sub-standard human. Don't worry, your friend is in good hands.'

'She's in pain, though, isn't she…' I mumbled in a statement rather than a question. I knew that was why Paul had kept her conscious – to watch me watch her suffer.

'The discomfort is somewhat–'

'Dr. Case,' I grunted. 'Seriously.'

'Yes,' he said, looking sheepish.

I buried my face in my hands and moaned.

'I'm sorry,' he replied sympathetically, patting my shoulder. When I made no effort to acknowledge him, he slowly removed his hand, and I heard his shoes tapping away.

My mind transported me back to that moment in Father Dominic's car, when we'd been about to collide head on with the brick wall – I'd reacted purely on instinct, and had only seized CeeCee as I'd dematerialised. Why hadn't I just reached my other hand out a little more to grab Father Dom, too? I'd been so selfish – just thinking of saving myself. I wondered – if she hadn't been in my arms, would I have even taken Cee with me? Would I have just let them crash?

I could have _changed_ all of this… I didn't have to be standing here, waiting for both CeeCee and my priest. Father Dominic could have been sitting beside me right now, assuring me that it was going to be all right – that CeeCee would pull through, that we'd stop Paul before anything happened to her…

But he wasn't. I was alone.

Paul had stolen Jesse from me first. Then my mother. Then CeeCee. And now Father Dominic. I was running out of allies, fast. And it was too dangerous to get more – they would end up with the same fate…either with one-way tickets to the ICU, or straight to the Susie Hate Club, of which my mother was currently the president.

Either one chilled me to the bone.

My mother came out to check on my around half past six. My aloofness discouraged her, and she went back inside to wait with Mrs. Webb for more news. CeeCee hadn't yet been returned to her room, and we weren't allowed to go see Father Dominic yet.

Dominic Young.

I'd never known… all this time, and I'd never even bothered to learn his last name; the name Lily could have taken, if all of this had been even slightly fair. Lillian and Dominic Young. They could have been happy. They could have grown old together, fallen asleep in each others' arms every night; eaten oatmeal side by side every morning…

Why did it have to be this? Lily dead, and Father Dominic close behind her…

And CeeCee, oh my God. If I lost her… I wouldn't know what I'd do with myself.

Or, more correctly, I wouldn't know how to _stop_ myself when it came to vengeance. Because I could still feel it inside of me – the power, sizzling in its dark little corner, sparkling with curiosity at this massive devastation that chilled my blood. I knew, the moment I granted it possession over me, it would act on my behalf and wreak havoc like I'd never known, in whatever direction I pleased. I'd have no control. I'd be a spectator, watching in horror and some satisfaction as the foul crimes done to my loved ones were avenged.

But none of that would even come close to repairing the hole in my heart, caused from the knowledge that I was partially responsible for all of this. I had involved Father Dominic in this stupid game that belonged to me and Paul – at least, in this generation. He shouldn't have been brought into it. I shouldn't have told him anything. I should have hardened up, and I should have handled this alone. I'd already lost Jesse – getting help from others was just _asking_ Paul to pick them off, one by one. And I'd had _no business _telling CeeCee about any of the supernatural crap! She was much safer when she was pissed at me after I'd shoved her away roughly back at the Bookstore. What I wouldn't have given to have gone back to the moment where I told her everything, to instead shout something hurtful at her that would make her stay far away from me where she wouldn't get hurt…

Oh, how I wished that the true culprit had really been the Corrupter… at least we almost had a plan to take him out. All I'd needed was to go to his realm – Hellkist, Lily and Father D had called it – and find where that stupid sword was hidden… then swipe it and gut him like a fish. Providing I came back as a ghost to do so. I had to count on that – there was no way I was going to get anyone else involved in this anymore. I had to do it on my own. It needed to end…

'Susannah,' somebody called softly.

I looked up so rapidly that my neck nearly locked. Mrs. Webb was standing a few feet away, motioning for me to follow her. I did without question; she led me down a winding hall until we were suddenly outside CeeCee's room. Dr. Holmes was standing in the hallway, staring at her through the window with a pensive, irritated look as if he were trying to mentally solve a Rubik's Cube. He stared at me as I walked in, but didn't say a word.

Inside the room, it was just…awful. Everyone was really quiet – and when they did speak, it was awkward and obligatory small-talk. Mrs. Webb went to go stand with my mother again, and Callista, CeeCee's sibling, was sitting sadly by the bed, staring absently into the colourless face of her older sister.

CeeCee looked awful. Her skin was no longer a furious red – now, she was just shivering and slick with sweat. There were icepacks pressed against her body in all locations. 'Is she cooling down?' I asked someone quickly. 'I mean, if she's shivering, doesn't that mean her body's trying to warm itself up – '

'No,' drawled an arrogant voice. I spun around, and Dr. Holmes stood at the door. A pretty brunette stood next to him, looking at all of us sympathetically. 'At this stage, hyperthermia can present with trembling and "the chills," just like in fever.'

'At this stage?' I snapped. 'Don't pretend like this is following the normal pattern of hyperthermia. What kind of person can survive a hundred and seventeen degrees?'

He looked annoyed at me, but I got the impression that he'd been angry before. He glared back at CeeCee, as if waiting for her to spill the answer out of her quivering, blue lips.

'Do you have any idea what's wrong with her?' Mrs. Webb moaned pitifully.

The female doctor beside him spoke. 'We suspect there might be hypothalamic dysfunction,' she said quickly, overriding her senior doctor's attempts to respond. 'That's the part of the brain that regulates body temperature. From what her friend told us, she wasn't in any extremely hot environments, which is usually the case in heat stroke – '

'She could be lying,' Dr. Holmes muttered, regarding me impassively. I bit my lip. I mean…I _was_lying. I knew exactly what was wrong with her. And I couldn't say a word, because it went far beyond medicine.

'My daughter…_rarely_ lies,' Mom snapped at the doctor acidly.

Man. She was just a pillar of support, wasn't she?

'–So that leads us to believe that her brain has lost all ability to control her core temperature. We have scanned her head for tumours, but there don't appear to be any present–'

'It's just an itty bitty tumour,' Dr. Holmes muttered stubbornly, glaring at CeeCee almost accusingly. 'Check her _again_, Dr. Carmen.'

She ignored him, looking weary. 'We're doing all we can. Miraculously, she can still communicate at some points – and the temperature doesn't seem to be rising or falling. Brain death is still a possibility, but we're trying to prevent it. All we can do is wait – '

Callista promptly burst into tears. Her mother seized her immediately, holding her into her chest. 'Doctors,' Mrs. Webb nodded at them. 'Thank you.' Getting the hint, the lady doctor – Dr. Carmen, dragged Dr. Holmes away, who looked anxious to look CeeCee over once more for the answer that would un-furrow his brows.

We all looked at each other. CeeCee's mother was crying almost as hard as her daughter, until my mother finally had the sense to get the out of the room so they wouldn't have to keep staring at her.

Quietly, I moved so I was sitting beside her. I touched her skin, hissing at its heat.

'Hey, Cee…' I whispered quietly.

There was a dizzy moan. I shushed her, shivering at the force of the fans that were aimed in her direction. She moaned again. 'It's so…hot…'

'I know, bubby,' I clicked my tongue. 'I know. But I'm going to make it cool again. I swear.'

'Who…?' she breathed.

I blinked sadly. 'Paul did it,' I told her. 'And he'll pay for it.'

She screwed up her face. 'Don't…'

I laughed humourlessly. 'Why not? It's what he wants. Might as well give him what he wants sooner rather than later…'

'You'll…get hurt…'

She could barely manage words.

I stared at her gravely. 'I honestly don't care,' I said. 'But I'll be _damned_ if he touches another one of my friends again.'

She went to say something else, but her eyelids fluttered closed half-way through. I stared at her vitals intensely, but they didn't fluctuate. She'd lost consciousness again. They said she'd do that. It didn't mean she wouldn't wake up though.

I was staring at her face for what felt like a bicentennial when there was a sudden soft knock at the open door that made me jump. I looked over and saw, with some shock, Adam and Robbie shuffling in the room. Robbie launched over to me with an erratic hug, spluttering his sympathies. I felt catatonic beneath his arms.

He released me, glancing back at CeeCee with wide-eyes and sitting beside me. 'Is she going to be okay?'

I shrugged. 'I dunno.'

Adam hadn't sat down. He stood at the foot of CeeCee's bed, stone-faced. He'd dug his hands firmly in his pockets. One breath, and his glassy exterior would shatter violently.

'Adam,' I mumbled.

He didn't look at me – didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard me. He just kept staring at her.

If I'd expected any jokes in his attempts to lighten the terrible mood, I was in for severe disappointment. No, "Wow, CeeCee, I always knew you were hot stuff," or "Can't take the heat? Get outta the kitchen, Cee. What have I always told you?"

Nothing.

The paleness of his face rivalled CeeCee's. He took a step closer, not blinking. Robbie stared at him miserably.

I said his name again – louder, this time. 'Adam. Come sit down with me.'

He looked over at me jerkily as if only just seeing me. Obedient for once in his life, he shifted over, sitting on my other side. I slid my hand in his, and he squeezed to show signs of life.

'Do you – ' I asked, but Robbie muttered, 'Yeah, Mrs. Webb told us. She said something about your school principal, too – '

'Father Dom,' Adam said tersely. His face was so…serious. It was truly frightening to not see that face smile. It was usually so happy; so carefree. Now, it was creased with a cold fear that shuddered me.

I leant my head on his shoulder, and he moved his chin rested over mine accordingly. Robbie sighed. 'It's horrible to see her like that, isn't it…'

Neither Adam nor I replied. It went without saying. I never wanted to see anyone I loved in a hospital bed…but especially not those who weren't meant to be involved in the mediating scene in the first place. This should never have happened to CeeCee. I never should have let her convince me she'd be okay. I'd been so lonely…so desperate for the normality that I knew I didn't deserve.

…Why_ her_, though?

The silence continued on for far longer than I'd hoped it would. It was just…contented despair. We had nothing to say – nothing would help. Finally, a nurse came in to exchange her liquid-y icepacks for freshly frozen ones, and we all sat up straighter in our chairs. With a sad smile, she left, and I tilted my head to Robbie. 'So…your mom was okay with you coming down here?' I asked softly.

He shrugged. 'She said no. So I walked. She couldn't stop me. But then Adam picked me up at my driveway…' he added ruefully, ruining the illusion of a dramatic exit.

Robbie cast another look at Adam, who had never torn his eyes away from the unconscious CeeCee, drenched in a film of sweat.

I gave his hand another squeeze.

At that second, the door creaked open a little further and Callista came back in nervously. She looked at the three of us, before greeting us with a quiet, 'Hey…'

She threw Adam a pained smile. His eyes finally broke from the face of his best friend, landing on her little sister.

'Callie,' he said. 'I didn't know you were here.'

She went and sat on the opposite side of CeeCee's bed, away from the three of us. She picked up her sister's hand and stroked it gently. Even though they looked completely different, I could tell CeeCee and Callista were sisters. They had the same sharp, bright eyes – the same determined mouth. Callie just had the coloured version of everything, with her strawberry blonde hair and lively hazel eyes. They didn't look that lively now though, bloodshot from crying as they were.

An activity which they promptly resumed. Tears immediately began leaking from her eyes again. Looking ashamed of herself, she hid her face and apologised, which Robbie told her off for, assuring her it was okay. He even made the effort to get up and go sit next to her so she wasn't so lonely on her side of the bed.

'How do you know CeeCee?' Callie was quietly asking of Robbie.

He didn't look embarrassed about talking to someone he barely knew at all. I guess nearly-dead friends can really break the ice – especially when they're over a hundred degrees. 'Through Suze. She was a great help where we were working…'

'She _is_ a great help,' I said a little defensively.

'I meant – before STAB closed down,' Robbie spluttered, realising how I'd interpreted that.

'Oh. That's okay then.'

I sank back down against Adam's shoulder, and he breathed out gustily against my cheek.

They chatted softly for a little while about nothingness, until I suddenly felt a tiny splash of water on my forehead. In an instant, Adam had sprang to his feet and was halfway out the door. Throwing a weak look at Callista and Robbie, I followed him as fast as I could.

He knew I was on his heel, but he didn't stop until we were both outside. It was barely seven o'clock, so the fog was still clinging stubbornly to the ground as it did in Carmel. A fairly meagre looking playground dwelt just outside the hospital grounds. This definitely wasn't a children's hospital, or they would have tried a little harder to be more accommodating to the ankle biters.

Adam sat himself on the swing set, kicking the sand angrily. I didn't stand in front of him, kind of picking up the whole don't-watch-me-cry vibe. His shoulders were shaking suspiciously. Had I been oblivious to the situation, I would have suspected laughter. But I knew better.

Careful to look directly ahead and never at him, I settled into the swing next to his, holding the chains. My feet rocked me back and forth.

He didn't say anything for a while. He just kept sobbing really quietly. I almost regretted following him out here, since it seemed like he wanted to cry harder, but just not whilst there were witnesses. However, once he'd finally become exhausted with his crying, he started talking to me again.

'I've known her since second grade, you know,' he told me quietly. 'She was always "Just CeeCee"...'

I kicked off the ground with a little more force, gently swinging. 'I didn't know that,' I replied. 'But I guessed that you were lifers. You two are inseparable.'

'Yeah,' he muttered bitterly. 'Inseparable. Till death do us fucking part. Suddenly likely now, isn't it?'

I flinched. I'd never heard Adam say that before. The F word, I mean.

No matter how hard I racked my brain, I couldn't think of a way to reply to that. I didn't want to tell him that she'd be okay. Because I just didn't know. I had no control over it. But worse still…someone _did_.

His temper withered again, and he sighed. 'Sorry,' he apologised. 'Just don't wash my mouth out with soap. I already did some childhood investigation to the whacky flavours of soap. Worst experiment ever.'

I laughed dully. His face remained completely deadpan.

'You know,' his voice now had a wistful, nostalgic quality to it as he gazed, not at the ground, but straight ahead, 'I remember once in eighth grade… there was this stupid Winter Formal thing in middle school. I didn't wanna go, but Cee did. She wanted someone to ask her, so badly.' His eyes closed gently and he breathed the foggy air in deeply, before letting it go. 'And then Kyle Jeffrey came up to me after Spanish and asked me if anyone was taking her yet. I told him no. But then… I suddenly got really angry at him. I started badmouthing him to CeeCee every chance I could, telling him that he liked kicking puppies and setting gulls on fire. She believed every word, and when he finally got up the guts to ask her, she completely blew him off.' He laughed. 'God, I was a brat. And even when she begged me to go with her… I still said no. I ended up showing up on the night anyway, because she'd been so determined to go. We went up onto the balcony instead as soon as the dance got lame and started throwing candy at Kelly Prescott and Debbie Mancuso. And I can tell you the exact moment,' he grinned into oblivion, his eyes glazed over. 'The exact thing she said…'

I stared at him.

He chuckled. 'She said, "No, Adam. If you want it to stick in Kelly's hair, you have to suck it first and _then _throw it at her." And that's when some part of me knew that I wanted her. More than "Just CeeCee", I mean.'

A lump started swelling dangerously in my throat.

He went on musing. 'Kyle wasn't even a bad guy,' he shrugged nonchalantly. 'I mean, sure, he stank of month-old egg sandwich, but a kid can't help his natural odour. And still…I wouldn't let him near CeeCee. He lost interest by tenth grade…started chasing the cooler, stupider girls without such a keen sense of smell. I liked having CeeCee to myself,' he added guiltily. 'Just us. She was my friend. Mine. I didn't want her to have someone else in her life. When you came, it wasn't as bad as I would have expected. You weren't around that much, always off doing your secret agent work,' he shot me an amused look, trying to hide the sadness. 'I didn't mind sharing her with you. It was another guy that I couldn't handle…'

I continued swinging back and forth, my eyes trained on his face. He was twisting his foot into the sand, digging an increasingly large hole beneath him.

'All this year, I've wanted to do something,' he hissed, dismayed with himself. 'Say something. Make a move. Give her a _clue_.'

'She loves you too,' I told him.

'I know…,' he moaned hopelessly. 'I've known _that _since fifth grade.'

I stopped swinging. 'Adam!' I chastised. 'She's – you – you know that… ugh!'

I quit my incoherent ranting when I saw the misery on his face explode. 'And now she might never know,' he breathed.

Getting up quickly, I stood in front of him. 'Hey. You look at me, Adam McTavish.'

He did so. I squatted down in front of him so I was eye-level. 'I wasn't prepared to promise this before,' I said. 'But I am now, because I believe it with all my might. And that is, that CeeCee is going to be okay. We both know how freakin' stubborn she is. She's not the kind of girl to let something as lame as death stop her from conquering the world, one skanky Prescott-hoe at a time. She will strike again, and will _continue_ to ruin the perfect hair of Princess Kellys everywhere with sticky, sucked-on candy. And you know it.'

A watery smile came to his lips, and his eyes welled up again. 'I do,' he said.

'And when she's better – when and _not _if – you are going to tell her exactly how you feel about her. Hopefully with your tongue rather than your words,' I instructed fiercely. 'Words can come later. And so can your groin.'

He let out an unexpected snort of laughter.

'Is that understood?' I demanded, seizing his chin with one of my hands authoritatively. He looked me in the eye, and then nodded. 'In regards to CeeCee Webb,' he promised, 'I solemnly swear I will get up to no good.'

'That's my boy,' I smiled affectionately, kissing him on the cheek. 'And none of this peck-on-the-lips crap. I want tongue. I want passionate grabbing. I want her squealing to me over the phone like an orgasming_piglet_ when you're done with her – which, fun fact, can go for half an hour. Any less, and your butt crack will be introduced to the steel cap of my Batgirl boot.'

He nodded, before the hilarity on his face melted into a softer, tenderer look. 'Thanks, Suze,' he expressed. 'Really. I kinda love you.'

'And I you, sir,' I smiled. He turned me around and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist. We sat like that for a while on the swing, until he finally admitted, 'Okay. My legs are numb. Get off.'

Walking back into the hospital, I told him I wanted to go see Father Dominic. He said he was going back to wait by CeeCee's bedside, just in case she came back for a few minutes. I warned him to save the kissing thing until she was back below a hundred degrees, and he concurred.

I saw the blond Australian doctor, and asked if I could see Father Dominic. He sighed and warned me that he wasn't conscious, but led me to the third floor all the same, into a very quiet, very sterile smelling room.

I guess it didn't shock me that Lily had beat me to it. She was sitting on the side of the bed, partially laying beside him, her hand curled against his chest. She'd been crying. A lot.

'Lily,' I murmured, making her stir as if out of a reverie. She sat up blearily, staring at me. 'Oh, Suze…' she whispered mournfully, her hair fuzzy from the bed. She looked awful. 'Are you okay? I heard – but… when I felt him slipping from me, I had to come…I'm sorry. I've been checking on Paul's grandfather every few minutes to make sure he's safe, and so far he's – but I just needed to be here – '

I nodded. 'I understand, Lily. Don't worry. You don't have to explain anything to me.' I probably would have shirked all responsibility completely if something of this nature had happened to Jesse. I had to admire her for trying to find balance in her time of panic.

'Oh, Suze…how did this happen?' she moaned softly. 'He won't wake. There's nothing inside him… I don't know where my Dominic has gone…'

I went cold.

'Paul Slater caused the car crash,' I said shakily, remembering how the steering wheel had glowed brightly, and how the accelerator had been jammed down. Then, I remembered my dream, how Lily had been sobbing softly, and a "Do Not Disturb" sign had hung outside a sleeping Father Dominic's bedroom.

And now, here he was, unable to wake.

'_It's past your bedtime,'_ Dr. Slaski had warned him frantically before we'd left. I hadn't paid any attention, because he'd been dealing with riddles instead of reality. Had he just _said_something…had he seen what was about to happen more clearly –

I couldn't talk though. I'd seen a freakin' sign hanging on a door as a prophesy. How was I supposed to know that meant he'd get in a horrific car accident? God, I _hated_ foresight. You had to have a degree in analytics to figure _anything_ out!

This hospital was driving me crazy. There were too many people here that had been hurt by me. CeeCee and Dominic directly…and then Lily, and Adam, and Mrs. Webb, and little Callista…they were in so much pain, and the blame weighed heavily on my shoulders. I could have stopped it…I could have had better dreams – I could have saved Father Dominic before he crashed.

My world was dying…

And Paul's hands were at its throat.

After muttering a message to my mother, preoccupied in her consolation of Mrs. Webb, I said I'd walk home – a lie. After ducking into the bathroom, I glittered home in a shower of materialisation.

Even if it _hadn't_done any good in rescuing Father Dominic from his broken bones, his massive internal bleeding, his _lack of brain activity_…

The house was empty, as I expected on a Saturday morning. Jake and Brad were surfing, Doc was at his Electric Vehicle club – something about building a solar-powered car using sponsorship money – and Andy was filming for the Weekend Summer Special for his hardware show again. Mom was supposed to have had her day off today, but I'd screwed that up royally…

I looked down at my hands, appalled to find them shaking beyond the telling of it. Muffling a whimper of anguish at my weakness, I shoved them in my pockets. I needed to be doing something – something with my hands that would distract them. I needed to do anything – to clean…

The kitchen was my best bet for a mess. Thankfully, Brad had evaded his dish-washing duty this morning, leaving a large pile of filthy plates and bowls that just screamed to be scrubbed. I scurried over there, and turned the hot water on full blast, adding a large dollop of dishwashing liquid to the basin. Bubbles began foaming immediately. Once full, I started cleaning. Whenever my mind wandered, I focused it on cleaning faster; more thoroughly. My fingers were starting to burn from the water's heat. I breathed in deeply, and then out. In, out… Just don't think.

I checked to see if my hands were still trembling – much to my alarm, they refused to calm down. I kept cleaning. Only eight more plates to go…after that, I'd have to find something else to –

'Hah. All the power you supposedly have and you're still doing the dishes…'

The plate slid effortlessly from my frenzied fingers, shattering on the ground into several pieces. I jumped in shock, but every nerve in my body was commanded to not turn around at the sound of that voice.

I did my best to disregard it completely. I bent down to pick up the broken fragments of the dish, but before I could even extend a shaking hand to the second piece, all of the shards flew up with ghost-like ease, hovering over to the trash. I stared back at the sink, moving to start cleaning another one, but by that time, his hand was gripping my shoulder, spinning me around to look him in the eye.

My arms were soaking wet, dripping on the ground lamely as Paul stood over me. I jolted at the expression on his face. It was almost as if my dream had come true. He had features, sure, but he may as well have been completely faceless. No emotion stained him. He was completely vacant, staring down at me with cold indifference.

At that moment, I'd never prayed harder for the strength to _end_ him. He was taking everything from me…and yet, he still came by to watch as the victory slid from my face, as the power trickled away… to watch me fall.

He was several inches away from me, but it still felt like he was touching me, brushing against me, showing me that he could. I couldn't stand the proximity. Very visibly, I swallowed the lump of fear in my throat and glared back up at him with as much ferocity as I could muster, although it probably looked more to him like the panic it actually was. I couldn't even say anything.

He brushed the hair out of my eyes with his knuckle. It wasn't affectionate - more like a cold imitation of the tenderness he'd once shown. It stung me.

'Have you come to kill me?' I asked him. Was this it? Was this where I was going to die? In the kitchen of my stepfather's home, with nothing to protect me but cutlery? I didn't want that... I wanted to go out fighting.

He laughed softly. 'No, Suze... not today. I just wanted to see how you were doing.'

The cruel mockery of sympathy plastered across his face did not fool me for a second - nor did he expect it to. He knew I knew he was playing with me. That just made everything harder... I swallowed again, my gaze flickering from his eyes. He was too close...too suffocating...

'You are a _jackass_,' I spat icily. 'You - you have the n-nerve to show your _face_ after what you did - '

'Tried to do,' he shrugged, correcting me. 'The priest wasn't supposed to live. That would have been far kinder than what's happening to him now. He can't get back in his body. Not even _I_ know where he is...'

Alarm shook me, but I refused to dwell on it here and now. 'What are you doing here, Paul?' I demanded. 'You better not expect to - because the deal's off. You said so yourself. So - '

He chuckled. 'Like I couldn't change my mind... to make you do whatever I wanted...' He edged a little closer, and my breath staggered. He still wasn't touching me, but it didn't stop the fear any. I turned my head sharply, looking firmly to the side. He was trying to intimidate me, but it -

...Who am I kidding. It was _working_.

'If the deal's over,' I ventured warily, 'Doesn't that mean - ' I licked my dry lips, still staring at the tiles on the ground, ' - that I...get Jesse back?'

This merited a snort of disdain. 'Oh please,' he scoffed. I looked back at his face, just in time to see him roll his eyes. He pulled out a tiny silver key, and my heart jumped. That was the key that opened the Eighth Door – the one where Jesse was hidden. The one that responded only to the touch of his skin. He began fiddling with it, flaunting it in front of me. 'Why would I return to you something that gives you such strength when I'm trying to hard to reduce you?'

My eyelids fell closed softly; sadly. I'd known I'd never get him back through Paul. But... there wasn't any other way.

'I've stripped you of everything,' he said. 'Your lover. Your researcher. Your mentor...all in an effort to bring a little fairness back to this game - to make it between just you and me, the way it was supposed to be.'

'Fairness...' I repeated dully, hating him.

He went on. 'I've been wracking my brain, thinking of a way to kill you, Suze... I mean, just because I'm finally capable of hating you, it doesn't mean I'm not still in love with you. It doesn't mean it's not going to hurt like hell when I...' he trailed off. I opened my eyes again, as he stared at me meaningfully, sliding the key back into his pocket. 'How do you _want_ to die? If I gave you the choice?'

My nostrils flared with anger at such an outrageous question. Furiously, I sank my hand into the soapy basin behind me, seizing the first long item my fingers found in order to hurt him with, but firstly, all I found was a spatula, and secondly, his fingers had shot around my wrist long before I'd gotten any momentum to my attack. I gasped sharply as he twisted my wrist - the plastic spatula fell loudly to the floor. Paul's face didn't look quite so impassive anymore. Flickers of frustration came into play.

'Personally?' I sneered. 'Ripe old age, bouncing twenty grandkids on my knee.'

He didn't laugh. Instead, he just sighed, still holding my wrist with his iron grip that I knew so well. 'I thought you might say that,' he said. 'Oh well...I'm glad I have my own ideas for how Susannah Simon is going to be killed.'

And from the deep pocket in his suede jacket, he withdrew something that made the entire world just fall away...

He pressed the barrel against my forehead, right between my eyes. I shrank in unimaginable horror.

'Gun,' he declared. 'It's perfect, really. Here I was, trying to find a supernatural way to destroy you. Either that, or using a messy method like strangulation that would only upset me. This way...' he simpered, baring his pearly teeth, 'The moment I pull this,' he nodded politely towards the trigger, 'The responsibility's gone. It's not up to me whether you live or die. All I have to do is _aim_ right, so it's over quickly...'

'Paul...' my voice was strained and raspy in my terror - it scratched like I was downing a line of barbed wire. I tried to say more, but nothing would come out. My eyes had never been wider, or more vulnerable.

He'd decided how he would kill me.

He was going to use the most terrible mortal invention to do so, just to make it easier on himself...

I jammed my eyes shut again, but could still feel the cold metal against my skin, and his hot breath skimming across my face. I couldn't understand why, but having _anything_ pressed there built up an enormous pressure behind my eyes that made my head pound forcefully.

He watched me shiver beneath him for a moment more until the gun was finally pulled away from between my eyes. My breath rushed out in a panic, and my eyes snapped open furiously. A bead of cold sweat had trickled down the side of my face and my heart was thumping like no one's business.

'Soon,' he promised me, sliding it coolly back into his jacket. 'Soon it will all be over, Suze... Hopefully some part of you will find that comforting.'

My glare got increasingly more hateful.

'But,' he drawled, his voice hardening, 'I won't make it quick if you keep bringing your little friends into the game. I already know about Father Dominic's little whore, and my grandfather - not to mention all the books you stole that I can't get back,' he added with annoyance - I must have unintentionally put up another physical barrier again - 'but that all ends now. No more allies. Or I'll keep hurting them, one by one. CeeCee's not going to die, but she's not going to live either unless you back down. I'm thinking I'll go for the runty little artist next - '

I exploded.

Threats against Robbie _always_ made me shatter. I'd launched my entire weight at him, shoving him back so he stumbled brutally into the centre counter with a groan of pain. His eyes flashed dangerously, and I suddenly found myself pinned against the wall of the pantry, his gaze burning with cold fury.

My wrists were his prisoners.

'Don't you dare - '

'I'll do what I _please_,' he snarled, breathing harder. My face flushed hotly. 'And you damned well _know_ I can. Just - '

A tiny gasp of amazement behind the both of us suddenly cut off all of his threats.

Both of our heads whipped around in surprise to see Mom standing there, frozen in stunned silence as her eyes bugged. She'd even been halfway through hanging up her handbag, but hadn't quite concluded the action in light of the confronting scene that lay before her.

Paul reacted first. Instead of hissing and turning into a bat and flying away like I expected, his face cracked unexpectedly into a shy grin and he took a step away from me. 'Hey, Mrs. Ackerman,' he greeted cordially, dissolving into conversation. 'I just came by because I heard about what happened to poor Father Dominic - and to CeeCee. God, Suze is _devastated_, of course - '

Mom's eyes narrowed irately.

'Paul,' she said, her voice harder and more forceful than I'd ever heard it, '…Get the _hell_ away from my daughter.'

Paul blinked in confusion. 'But... I was just - ' his face rotated to me, and his eyes dared me to defy him.

I dared.

'You heard her,' I said coldly, shaking. 'Stay away from me.'

He looked back at Mom, shock splashed across his face. Then, he sneered at the both of us, and stormed out, slamming the door.

The second she heard the sound, Mom rushed over to me hurriedly, grabbing me by the shoulders. 'Suze! My goodness, are you all right? Did he try to hurt you? Did he - '

'I'm okay,' I said quietly, still shaking all over, as I had been doing since the introduction of his plans to kill me, 'I just need to sit down…'

She ushered me into the lounge room, guiding me onto the couch and sitting next to me, stroking my hair fretfully. 'What happened? I heard him say something like...he could do what he pleased. What was that about? Did he threaten you, Susannah?'

My laugh was inaudible and private. '...Yes.'

She stood up furiously. 'That's it. I'm calling the police, _right_ - '

'NO!' I screamed, on my feet. 'Mom. _Don't_. It's not like that. He hasn't...he didn't hurt me. Don't bring them into it.'

Slowly, she stepped away from the telephone and sat by me again, a torn expression on her face. I guess that this had definitely popped her Paul Slater bubble, her dreams of this great guy swooping in to rescue her delinquent, disappointing daughter.

'Susie,' her voice dropped to a desperate whisper as she took my hand, forcing me to look her in the eye. They were my eyes... Bright green. 'I want the truth. Please_...what's going __on?'_

Oh, boy.

**-F&I-**

**A Happy New Year to you all!**

**And a cookie for anyone who gets why Lolly couldn't keep a straight face while writing the first half of the chapter. (So obvious, lol…I mean, God. **_**Wimpson**_**. What was I on?**

** Vicodin, of course! **

**Hehe, I joke...)**

_**Please review.**_


	28. Glamorous

**For anyone who's interested in entering, the JANUARY COMPETITION for the ****Monthly Mediator Challenge**** is now open! You can find it in the Mediator Forums.**

**Please stop by and either consider entering, or offer your support! **

**In other news, long chapter for ya'll today…**

**-F&I-**

For the life of me, I couldn't think of a single word that would lead into me telling my mother anything resembling the truth.

She couldn't be allowed to hear it, of course. She wouldn't _believe _the truth for a start. Not to mention, even if she did, she'd be freaked out. She'd–

There was no point in dwelling on it. I couldn't say anything.

She'd just…caught me in a moment of vulnerability. I'd have to make someone up about Paul pretending to be–

But I couldn't. She'd seen…if I said that he hadn't been for real, she wouldn't…I couldn't say–

'Susannah,' she said loudly. It took me a second to realise that hadn't been the first time she'd said my name. She was trying to draw me out of whatever mentality I'd retreated into. 'You need to talk to me. You need to tell me what's happening to you. What's happening with…Paul.'

I stared directly at her face, mildly stunned at the supreme concern on her face. It jarred me. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen such emotion on her features in regard to her daughter. She'd been so cold lately. We'd drifted so much… her trust had just died the moment Paul had shown his face in my life–

'I…' my voice sounded so alien. I cracked a terrible smile, and shrugged. What on earth could I possibly tell her? For a moment, I thought of all the things Paul had done to me, everything I'd could drop on her that would bring about the rawest episode of regret I could imagine. But what good would that do? It'd just hurt her to know she'd been so blind. And I didn't want to hurt my mother. Betrayed as I had been, I loved her. I'd protected her from the truth for a very good reason.

She hadn't blinked since my single syllable; her eyes were trained on mine attentively, and her hand on my cold arm was stiff with anxiety. The tiny wrinkles around her eyes were more pronounced whenever she was worried like this, I noticed idly…

Again, she prompted me. '_Suze_.'

My eyelids fluttered quickly and I looked away from her face. 'Uh…' How did I start? How much did I say? I'd already said that Paul hadn't hurt me… which was good. Any more and she'd insist on calling the cops, or something utterly useless like that. I needed to tell her just enough to be aware, but just little enough to keep the situation under control.

'I supposed I should start at the, erm, beginning,' I muttered nervously, staring at my fingers.

She didn't say anything, instead just waiting for me to get my bearings. Appreciatively, I took a moment to put a realistic spin on this surreal nightmare.

'I met Paul last summer,' I began. My body felt like it was entering the beginnings of rigor mortis. I couldn't believe I was revealing _anything_ to her. It was like I wasn't really there – it wasn't really my lips moving, or my voice talking. Someone else had already organised this in my mind. 'When I was doing that babysitting thing at the Pebble Beach and Golf Resort. His family stayed there, and I looked after his little brother Jack–' I broke off, and another strange, forced laugh slid from me. 'Seems like a lifetime ago…'

'Jake mentioned that,' Mom said earnestly, remembering Paul's first dinner at our place. I nodded.

'He…got a thing for me, I think. A pretty intense thing, which only got worse when I told him I was seeing someone.' I looked back over at her, suddenly panicked. Jesse… 'Mom, when Paul mentioned Jesse that night, he did everything he could to blacken his name just so you'd think–'

She looked pained. 'I understand, Suze. Keep going.'

Again, I nodded my head. 'I thought when he went back to Seattle, that'd be the end of it. B-but then he showed up at the Mission Academy when the summer was over…' I swallowed.

'And he tried to steal your place in the Student Government,' she said waspishly, remembering every detail that could aid her mental criminal profile of Paul Slater.

I sighed. 'Er. Yeah.' Not the issue, Mom. 'The whole year, he was just…always there, making me uncomfortable, trying to get me and Jesse apart, making empty threats and stuff. He showed up to that party that Brad threw – it was him and Jesse that did all that damage,' I muttered ruefully.

'Where_ is_ this Jesse?' Mom demanded, edging closer. 'Where is he now? And why has Paul been saying you and Paul have been dating? I don't understand – '

When she saw my panicky expression again, she stopped talking, her thumb smoothing over the back of my hand. 'Go on, Susie.'

I breathed in deeply, holding the air in my lungs for several seconds before allowing it to siphon out. I couldn't think of a way to tell her about Jesse being sent away, or kidnapped, or whatever, without making Paul sound like a criminal. Which I would have _loved_ to do, but I couldn't. 'Paul…framed me. He made Jesse think I did something…that I didn't,' I embellished, remembering the incident over my hairclip. 'Without having the chance to set things right, Jesse was gone.'

Mom sniffed. I realised I'd painted Jesse as, well…not the most trusting person by allowing him to believe such fiction, but I couldn't think of anything else on the spot.

'And–' I continued, 'Paul said I couldn't tell him the truth, or he'd…or I'd regret it.'

My mother's eyes turned to steel. 'Are you sure he hasn't hurt you, Susannah?' she said severely.

I shook my head, lying. 'I think he's mostly talk. But…still. I didn't want to test that theory…' I swallowed. 'That night when he came here for dinner, though…I almost died. I knew he was kind of obsessed…but I didn't think he'd push his way into my life like that, making everyone around me believe that he'd – turning all of them against me…'

The moment Mom's face fell in shame, I looked away. I didn't want to see her guilt. It was too much.

'…So that when everyone lost all trust in me, he'd be the only one I would be able to turn to…'

Silence.

I just kept staring at my fingers, twisting and turning them within each other, feeling the friction of my skin. They weren't shaking as much anymore. That made sense – I mean, surely this wasn't me talking…surely I wasn't really telling her all of these things…

'Susannah…'

Slowly, I looked up to see her blinking away furious tears. 'Oh baby, I didn't know…I'm so _sorry_…'

'I didn't want you to know,' I assured her urgently. 'I kept it from you, Mom. I didn't expect you to find out like-'

'I should have!' she argued. 'I'm your _mother_. You're my blood – I should have sensed something. I shouldn't have written you off like that, trusting this _boy_ over my daughter! I should have just known when I looked at your eyes. You were just so sad, and I didn't know why, and I just assumed you were drifting away from me…and I resented you for it–' she broke off, horrified. More tears welled in her eyes at a frightening speed, and my stomach turned over. 'And all this time…'

She took about a minute to calm down; to wrap her head around the omissions of truth I'd spun. 'So…he's stalking you then…?'

Grimly, I once again imagined telling her all of the other things Paul Slater was capable of; all the damage he'd truly done. But I just couldn't bring myself to see her face crumble into despair like that again.

I shrugged. 'I guess that's what you could call it.'

She looked away from me, staggered. 'My God,' she wheezed. 'I just can't believe…all those times he was here, he seemed so_ wonderful_. So bright and happy, and smart–'

'He is smart,' I said darkly. 'That's the problem. He knows just how to manipulate people. And he's a great pretender…'

'And beneath that warm, gallant exterior, there's a very bad person,' Mom finished, her face harsh. 'Oh my goodness… I never even_ suspected_ that anything strange was – '

I didn't want her to beat herself up about it. I mean…about a week ago, I wouldn't have felt this way. I'd have probably been quite pleased to have dropped the whole story in her face out of spite, if I could have avoided the consequences. But now…it just wasn't worth it. She'd been clueless, but she'd just been a victim of Paul's manipulation like so many others. It wasn't her fault. Yeah, she probably should have shown a little more trust in her own daughter… but I think even I would have picked Paul Slater over me any day…especially a moody, sullen me.

'We need to do something about it,' Mom said decidedly, sitting up straighter and trying to look as parental as possible, but I shot her down pretty quickly. 'Mom – no. I mean…he's never actually done anything illegal.'

'He's stalking you, Susannah! He's threatening you!' she argued.

'All the same,' I persevered, 'I need to sort this out myself. I mean, now that he knows he can't fool you anymore, he'll definitely back right off. I'm sure of it.' Yeah. Right. 'Before, it was just a secret that belonged to him and me, but now someone else knows…'

She glared at my decision. 'What if he–?'

'He won't,' I lied, deadpan. 'Seriously, Mom…' I then completely played on her recent insecurities shamelessly. 'I know you haven't trusted me lately, but just trust me to handle this, all right?' Right on cue, her lower lip trembled subtly. I'd hit a nerve, as suspected. 'I can deal with him, I promise. If it gets out of hand, I'll get help, I swear. It'll be easier now…since you're not inviting him around for milk and _cookies_ anymore.'

She had the decency to look ashamed of herself there. I mean, it was one thing for Paul to come here while I was at home…but for Mom to actually invite him inside to gossip about how out of control my behaviour had been, well… that had really gotten to me.

'I should have known,' she moaned again. 'Even _Bradley_ was telling me he was bad news. But half the time, I worry that_ Brad_'s bad news, so I just didn't listen. And I wanted so badly for you to get back on track…without realising that your going off track was completely _his_ doing-'

I started comforting her. Isn't that weird?

'It's okay,' I whispered, patting her back. 'It's going to be all right…'

A very nasty thought flickered through my mind, but I shoved it away violently. It had no place in this conversation. But even with my attempt to eradicate it, the thought continued to nag, building up an intense guilt.

If that _gun_ had its way, there was a momentous possibility that it was _not_ going to be all right…

Noticing that I'd turned the tables on the pacification, she quickly wrapped her arms around my form and pulled me into her. The position was uncomfortable, but the closeness – after all this time – felt beautiful…

'I love you, Susie,' she promised, stroking the back of my neck. Her voice was choked with apologies. 'I'm so sorry for not trusting you…for letting that _creep_ convince me you were anything less than the amazing girl I know you are. Please, forgive me…'

'Of course,' I rushed. 'I love you too, Mom. And don't worry.'

She choked on a sceptical, upset laugh. 'I'll stop worrying as soon as I get my hands on that Paul, and I wring his _neck_…'

God… It felt so good to have her back.

**-F&I-**

It actually took a whole ten minutes to convince my mother to let me leave the house. I mean, even though she was now minimally informed on The Sitch and trusted me again, the downside was that she didn't trust _Paul_. Even though I told her I just wanted to go grab some things from Father Dominic's place at the rectory to take to the hospital for him in case he woke up, (a lie,) she still wasn't keen on letting me go.

After promising to keep my cell phone on at all times and agreeing to call her if I saw so much as a funny looking _shadow,_ she relented and released me from her confines. I had a quick shower, changed, and took off.

Once out of her presence, I finally had the freedom to exhibit the fear that I felt on such a deep level. Visions of that gun swam across my mind hauntingly. I wondered how loud it would actually be if he shot me. They say that guns are a lot louder than they are in the movies… I'd never heard one. Would I even get the chance to think, "Wow, it _is_ a lot louder!" or would I be dead before any thought like that could occur? How…how quick would it be? How long would it take for me to –

WATCH THE FREAKIN' ROAD, SUZE!

I slammed on the breaks of my Bug as a blue Volvo honked loudly – and rightfully so – when I didn't stop at the intersection. My heart pounded. What the hell was I doing? Father Dom had just been almost crushed to death in a horrible accident – which was about as accidental as stabbing someone thirty times in the eyeball – and here I was, letting my _mind wander while driving?_

I didn't deserve a license. For God's sake.

Dazed, I resumed my journey, allowing not a single morbid thought to distract me. Finally I got to the rectory. All the nuns were in a panic, rushing around with tears in their eyes at the news of their local priest. I bit my lip as I remembered Paul's foreboding words, how he didn't even know where Father Dom's… _spirit_ was. His body lay in the Carmel Valley Hospital, but his soul? His essence? That could have been anywhere…

Guiltily, I opted to sneak into his place via the back window instead of the front door. Too many questions were involved the other way.

After creeping through the low shrubbery and avoiding a suspicious looking bush like the plague – it reeked of poison-oaky malevolence – I cracked the back window open with my elbow, thankful it didn't make too much of a shattering noise when I opened it. Then, I crawled through, hissing as I sliced my forearm a little on the glass.

Just _fabulous_.

A second later, a panicked, rattly voice demanded, 'Susan? Is that you?'

'Yeah,' I grumbled, landing on my hands and knees with a thud. 'Of course it's me. Wouldn't you be completely inanimate if it were someone else?'

I made my way into the sitting room where he – at sight of me – sat up straighter on the couch. I noticed with disgust a small puddle of saliva on the arm of the chair where he'd involuntarily drooled in his time alone. Ugh. Old people.

At least Paul was seeing that I'd never become one…

'Yes. But there is one other person who has the same effect on me,' he replied pointedly. 'Well, other than old Friar Tuck, but I doubt he's going to be strolling back in here any time soon…'

My temper flared as I remembered something.

'Hey!' I snapped, rounding on him. 'Yeah – what was this rubbish that you were trying to tell us before we raced out with CeeCee? "Past your bedtime"? What the HELL?! If you foresaw that Father Dominic was going to get into a car crash and not wake up, next time it might be helpful to vocalise that in THOSE words! Now, thanks to you, he's-'

'Dying,' Dr. S's lips twitched grimly. 'Well, now my contender and I have something in common. Fortunately for him, he's dying a lot faster than I am.'

I seethed again. '…Don't _say_ that.'

'It's the truth!' he said defensively, not understanding that I didn't _want_ the truth. I turned away, trying to calm down. Meanwhile, he prattled on in annoyance. 'I was wondering when you'd remember me. Crippled, frail old men don't feed _themselves_, you know. Go make me something to eat. I'm hungry.'

My nostrils flared at the thought of being bossed around him. 'I'm not your maid,' I hissed.

'Ah,' his eyes flashed sinisterly, 'But you're a good girl, and good girls don't let people go hungry. It's wrong, and immoral, and all that baloney. Now fix me something.'

I crossed my arms, standing my ground.

Finally, he conceded. '_Please?_' he grunted, out of obligation.

Satisfied by this, I went over to the fridge and started rifling through. In a little container, there was some ham, and above that was a packet of sliced cheese. I grabbed these, some margarine, and took it over to the counter where a half-finished loaf of day-old bread sat. Dr. Slaski stared at me beadily as I went to work. If he'd been even the slightest bit less pathetic, I would have found this constant surveillance uncomfortable. But he was just a stupid, crappy little old man that wasn't worthy of the fearful respect he wanted from me. Loading the sandwich onto a plate, I shoved it at him. 'Here,' I grumbled, sitting on the coffee table in front of him, shielding my face with my hands.

Resting it on his lap, he picked up one of the cut triangles and sniffed it, suspicious. He took a snobbish bite, and made a face. 'What the bloody hell is this – '

'Just eat it,' I snapped so angrily, that he immediately went quiet, taking another bite. He'd only complained because he could. As soon as he realised it didn't matter anymore, he devoured it hungrily.

'You know,' Dr. Slaski revealed through a mouthful of masticated ham and cheese, 'This is the first time I've eaten without help for six years…'

'Want a medal?' I sneered.

He ignored me. 'Last year, that bastard surgeon son of mine wanted to put me in a home,' he scowled in horror. 'Then the little shit offered to stay with me over in Carmel – his suggestion, of course. My boy jumped at the idea, and secretly, so did I. I knew what Paul's presence would do to me – allowing me to escape the half-life I'm condemned to – Alzheimer's, they all pretend it is. But as soon as Paul figured out that he was the key to giving me a scrape of independence, he stayed away, didn't he.' Dr. Slaski glowered fiercely at his sandwich. 'Only came near me to pump me for information about the shifting…'

He finished the final quarter of his sandwich. 'The world where I'm trapped, Susan…inside my own body, with all my thoughts and words but no means to express them… it's the most terrible fate I could have ever imagined. I almost wish I had lost my mind – at least I would be oblivious as to what had happened to me. But I'm so very aware of what happens around me… and yet I can't–'

'As tear-jerking as this story is, I really don't care,' I interrupted.

He looked up at me abruptly, highly offended. 'A little sympathy wouldn't be too much to ask, young lady–'

'You want sympathy?' I cried in outrage. 'Dude. You used to torture ghosts for a living, okay? God knows what you did to Lily…she won't even _speak_ about it. You were a total _sadist_, like that cock-sucking grandson of yours, and you think you're getting a rough deal because karma finally caught up with you? Excuse _me_ for feeling that this is kind of justified. And the worst thing,' I narrowed my eyes at him, 'Your attitude has _only_ changed because you feel sorry for yourself. You _still_ think ghosts are scummy – not to mention me and Father Dom – but you're only helping us because you're getting something out of it! You don't care if we all die – just as long as you benefit somehow from helping us, you'll be smug. You don't give a crap about_ anything_ but yourself.'

He looked too shocked to be insulted this time.

Even I was a little shocked at myself. I mean… every word had been true, but both of us knew all of that already. It wasn't exactly a revelation. It did no good to voice it all. I mean, he wasn't going to feel guilty about his nature at all, so it was pretty pointless to make him even more aware of how much I hated him.

He remained completely silent. I had to respect that – any other person would have rejected my accusations completely, swearing that they _did_ care beyond themselves and that they weren't self-serving. Dr. S knew I'd hit the nail on the head, and didn't want to insult my intelligence by arguing with me.

'Sorry,' I finally mumbled reluctantly, settling my frenzied breathing. 'Okay, so…I need to sort out what I have to do now, right?'

He shrugged.

I stood up, pacing over Father Dominic's brown, woven rug, kicking at the corners which had curled up with age. 'What are my priorities, then? I've gotta stop Paul, obviously…but I might not get to in time, because before that, I've gotta make mince meat of out the Corrupter. But – ' I paused, staring in dismay at the large picture of the Virgin Mary on the wall. She pouted at me '- I can't kill him alone. Even if I do go and get that sword, there's no way of determining whether I'll come back as a ghost, if retrieving it will really cause me to…you know. And if I know Gabriel, it will – he's kind of thorough…'

I continued pacing, faster now. Dr. Slaski just stared at my unravelling mind with mild interest. 'So…I need an accomplice. One who can handle the sword after I go get it. One who can kill Gabriel for good, to make sure that he can't go after my friends, even after I d…'

God. If I couldn't even _say_ it, how was I supposed to go through with it?

Dying, I mean.

It seemed a lot better to die this way though, rather than at Paul's hand.

'But,' I thought aloud, groaning, 'I still need to end the game… if I die there, then it will just keep going…'

Then I remembered – I totally preferred having alive friends as opposed to dead ones. As much as I loved Jesse, I wouldn't wish his fate on anyone.

'I need to get rid of Gabriel,' I said decidedly. 'But I need help. I need…' an internal moan threatened to come slashing out of my throat as the bubble of hysteria swelled within me energetically, '…I need _Jesse.'_

'So?' Dr. S rolled his eyes. 'Go _get_ him.'

I shot him a dirty look. 'Yeah. Right. Like I wouldn't have done so if I could,' I spat, suddenly snarky. 'Your grandkid's got him under lock and key in the literal sense – a key that he's keeping well away from me. Apparently, it'll only respond to his touch. I couldn't use it even if I _did_ steal it.'

He sighed. At first I thought it was in sympathy of my plight, but then his next words corrected me of this assumption. 'You really are the_ stupidest _shifter I've ever met,' he groaned. 'You know nothing about the craft…it's just…_embarrassing_…'

My hot temper almost let me explode furiously at him, but before I could get a hateful word out, something clicked in my mind…

What was Dr. Slaski saying? That – there was a way to spring him that I didn't know, because I wasn't fully aware of my capabilities?

'Of course, the boy is using your ignorance to his advantage,' he mused, touching a gnarled finger to his lips.

'Stop pussyfooting!' I griped, planting myself directly in front of him on the coffee table again. 'Doctor…please. If you know something, tell me.' The bubble of hysteria grew even larger at the prospect of having Jesse in my arms again… 'I _need_ him back.'

He tossed his head, looking smarmy. 'Any decent shifter would know even the most basic powers…such as a glamour,' he gave me a meaningful look.

'A what?'

Again, he sighed, frustrated with my unawareness. 'A glamour, girl, a glamour! You've seen one – you told me yourself! How the boy tricked you into thinking he was another!'

'You mean…where he made himself look like Jesse?' I asked.

'Yes,' he barked. 'A glamour! The supernatural altering of ones appearance at will. For Pete's sake, Susan, this is _basic_–'

'Okay, I get it, I'm a dumbass. Can we move on?' I said through gritted teeth, smacking my hands on my knees in a fusion of irritation and excitement. We were forming a plan – a good plan, by the sound of it. Then, I wrinkled my nose. 'Are you sure that'd be enough to fool the key?'

'I doubt it,' he replied. 'But at that stage, you could just steal a small sum of my own power, just to trick it into believing you're Dark–'

I flinched, hating the plan suddenly. He noticed my unease, and jeered at me. 'Oh, don't pretend you're above that,' he ridiculed. 'Keep your hair on – it won't _actually_ turn you evil. We'll just dose you with enough to convince any sensors in the key. Don't be such a prude. Power is power, Susan.'

'What if I…' I shifted nervously before him, feeling silly. 'What if I…like it?'

He snorted with laughter. 'All the better! You do-gooders are far too tightly wound for your own good. But I highly doubt you'll enjoy the flavour of our power… even to us, it's got an awful taste. But it _is_ addictive…' he admitted, 'Once it's thoroughly in your system. Which it _won't_ be, in yours!' he added, seeing my alarm.

'...Taste?' I winced.

He looked at me like I was insane. 'Oh, Susan…don't pretend you don't know. When you use that power of yours. You _know_ what I'm talking about.' When I looked at him, completely vacant, he groaned, before reassuring himself with the knowledge, '_Paul_ understands… he tells me about you. About your power, about its taste when he steals it…'

A strange element of curiosity came over his face as he looked imploringly at me, but he blinked and it was gone. I edged away a little for good measure. 'Okay, so, I glamour and pretend I'm badass,' I summarised our good plan as of yet, 'That's how I_ fool _the key. Great. How do I _get_ it, though?'

He shrugged. 'While he's sleeping, of course.'

I made a noise of dissent. 'And should he happen to wake up, I…?'

'Dematerialise the bloomin' hell out of there!' his eyes widened in flurry.

I groaned. 'The good plan is starting to stink very badly… You're telling me I only have one shot, and I have to count on him _not waking up_?'

'Pretty much,' he replied unflappably.

I didn't know which plan was worse. This or Operation: Get Paul Wasted.

I sank back down weakly, overwhelmed by all the possibilities of failure. Hell – they weren't possibilities, they were _probabilities._

'Can't I like…drug him or something?' I suggested wildly.

His eyebrows shot up. 'Oh…right. Not bad, Susan. What would you use?'

Inspired all of a sudden, I replied complacently, 'Chloroform.'

I_ too_ could dip into the classics, Paul. Just…only after being reminded what the classics were.

A smirk came across his face. 'Nice choice… but where, pray tell, are you going to get your hands on some?'

Grumpily, I didn't reply. That would be tricky. I only knew it by reputation – and of course, from the time where I unwillingly inhaled it. Where had Paul gotten his from? Did he have to send away for a year's subscription of it or something?

CeeCee would know this…but she was barely conscious, so I couldn't –

…Barely was good enough.

I dialled Adam frantically as Dr. Slaski demanded to know what I was doing. It took a long time for someone to answer and when they did, they were apologising nervously to a stern voice, 'Yeah, I'm sorry, I thought it was off, I'll – '

'ADAM!' I yelled. Dr. S jumped a mile.

Confused, Adam's voice wafted through the phone. 'Suze?' he asked, sounding dazed. 'I can't stay, my cell phone's not allowed to be on in a hospital…'

Good. He was still there.

'Listen,' I said quickly. 'Is CeeCee awake?'

He got a little territorial at that stage. 'Yeah, but Suze, she's really – '

'Can you ask her where I could go about getting chloroform?'

'Inside your mom's pants, obviously,' he replied sarcastically. 'Why would I ask her _that?'_

'She'll understand,' I said. 'Adam, please.'

I heard a frantic murmuring before CeeCee shrilled, 'CHLOROFORM?'

'Yikes!' Adam yelped. 'Volume control, Cee. Do you want me to tell her you're not feeling – '

'No!' she spluttered. 'Adam…remember Chemistry, when we…' she began babbling so fast I could barely keep up with her – which was weird, because my own speed of talking wasn't exactly sluggish. When she was done, Adam came back onto the phone, sounding reluctant.

'She seems as convinced as you that it's important,' he groused. 'Which is why she's given me specific instructions how to make it. She also said we'd find everything we needed in the Science lab at school. Ready for a little B 'n' E, Suze?'

I wrinkled my nose. 'Bacon and eggs?'

'No! Not – although, I do love bacon and–' he coughed. 'Breaking and entering. God – and I thought you led a life of crime…how deluded I've been.'

'I_ do_,' I said, a little defensively.

'I'll meet you at the school in fifteen minutes,' he replied, then promptly hung up.

**-F&I-**

I hadn't needed to break in, since Father Dominic had class keys in his drawer – Adam was quite impressed with this resourcefulness. The Science lab was the difficult part – since neither of us had any chemical compound making expertise, Adam had to actually go grab a textbook in order to cook anything up on the Bunsen burner. After a while of preparation, though, he'd found all the chemicals to heat and stuff. I watched dully from the desk beside him.

'You know,' he joked, 'Kind of hard to concentrate when you're wearing a skirt like that. You're starting to make _my_ chemicals react, Suze.'

'As if,' I said lightly. 'You're a one-albino-man, McTavish.'

A soft smile came to his face. 'Yeah… no more than one albino at a time for this guy. Which makes you totally legal.' He grinned at me brightly – a brightness I saw through in a second.

As he was beginning some distilling process, he got flustered, worried that he wasn't doing it right. 'Adam,' I said, touching his shoulder. He looked up at me – the desks in the lab were really tall, you know – and the smile faded from his face.

'I wish you'd tell me more…' he whispered. 'I understand that you don't want to…or can't. But I…I know that this is something to do with what happened to CeeCee. Why she can't get better…' he mumbled, his face pale blue in the moonlight; we didn't dare turn the main lights on.

I just stared at him sadly. 'I'm fixing it,' I promised him. 'Or at least I'm trying to.'

He knew I meant what I said. And he knew the weight of the situation, but tactfully decided not to press on.

'Then I'm glad I'm helping in some way,' he said firmly, before turning back to his concoction to monitor its progress. I swung my legs back and forth, waiting.

Finally, he was finished. After the hours of blunders and near failure, he at last switched off the gas to the Bunsen burner, and gave me a small bottle of the stuff. 'Just so you know,' he said cheerfully, 'I totally flunked out of Chem.'

'That's very reassuring,' I commented, giving the bottle a quizzical look.

He laughed. 'You could test it on me if that helps…'

I grinned. 'As hilarious as that prospect may sound, I'll have to decline. I've got business to take care of…'

Adam looked at his watch. 'It's nearly midnight, Suze. What are you planning on doing with it? I can't imagine _you'd_ have to drug someone in order to get them to do whatever you wanted… You're a piece of ass. I, on the other hand, would need what my fellow book geeks would refer to as the Imperius Curse to bring about the same effect.'

I frowned, and he sighed wearily. 'Forget it.'

Moving forward, I gave him a taut hug. 'Thank you,' I said sincerely. 'So…how was your first taste of crime?'

'No tasting went down,' he said, giving the room a sniff. 'Crime does_ smell_ funny, though.'

'As do you,' I said, grabbing the mess of keys from my pocket. Hopefully soon, I'd be holding a tiny silver one… 'So, I'll see you sometime soon, if all goes well…'

After following me out, he gave me the most supportive look he could muster. Mainly though, he looked kind of scared for me.

'Good luck,' he said helplessly after a moment. 'With…whatever.'

I nodded, gave his hand a squeeze, and quickly left.

**-F&I-**

I, of course, had to get home. Even though I'd called my mother to let her know I was hanging with Adam - carefully cuing him to laugh in the background as subtle verification of this truth - I didn't want to push her to the point of insanity this early in our renewed relationship. So I had to keep up the pretences of going to bed. Even though it was twelve thirty when I finally got in, she still looked relieved and happy to see me - still in the guilty phase, something I worked to my advantage.

'How was the hospital?' she asked with concern. 'Any change in either of them?'

I shook my head, not mentioning that my knowledge was not direct.

She clicked her tongue sympathetically. 'Go to sleep, Suze. You look tired.'

I nodded, making a big production of a yawn, and slowly going up the stairs to my bedroom. Once in safety, I looked around furtively before diving straight into my bathroom to get to work. All right... if I was going to pull this off, I needed practice. I stood before my mirror, glaring resolutely at my reflection. Then, I cleared my mind as I'd been instructed, allowing all but my will to echo in my head.

Change.

...Nothing.

I bit my lip, put out. Okay, fine, Mr. Reflection. If that's how you're going to play it, I'm just going to have to...try a little harder, so - change!

...Still, nothing.

I took a deep breath, my glare intensifying tenfold. I just...needed to concentrate. Surely I couldn't have been that much of an amateur that I couldn't manage a skill that Dr. Slaski referred to as basic...embarrassingly so. I needed to do this. I needed to be able to fool the key, so I could go save Jesse, now for God's sake, Suze, cha-

Instantly, my features rearranged in the space of a second, making my heart leap in surprise. There I stood, looking at Paul Slater in the mirror. I lifted a hand, testing it - it was his...

My eyes lowered, however, and I noticed a flaw in the plan.

...I obviously wasn't advanced enough to change clothes.

Let's just say, it was lucky that Paul's waist wasn't that much bigger than mine, or I would have _never_ been able to wear that miniskirt again.

With a grunt, I materialised into Jakes room - it was safe to do so since he was on a delivery - and stole some of his jeans and a black tee - and some underwear, which I picked up very gingerly - and got back to my room, changing. I was very careful to look away while doing so. I didn't want to see any more of Paul Slater than I had to...or already had.

The thought left me feeling a little ill. Then I remembered my goal, and the sickness dissolved into dim hope. After changing, I went and stood back in front of the mirror, making sure all was in order.

Here I was, as Paul Slater. I remembered with a shiver back to my sometimes prophetic dream, how I'd been so scared to become Paul, because I thought that had been a metaphor for me turning evil. It wasn't… once again, I'd been given a clue about how I was supposed to save Jesse – and I'd ignored it because I didn't understand.

I seriously needed a freakin' _dream_ dictionary or something. Although, my mind was so whacky I doubted even that could help me.

I stared at my - well, Paul's hands, remembering a few hours ago how Dr. Slaski had hit me with a dose of his Dark power. I didn't feel any different, which got me nervous that I was getting used to it or something. I did, however, understand what he meant about the "flavour." His power left a horrible salty aftertaste on the roof of my mouth which I hadn't been able to shake.

My fingers flexed before me. Would this glamour really be enough to get that key?

...God, I hoped so.

Picking up the small bottle of chloroform, I slid it effortlessly into the pocket of Jake's jeans, chasing it with a bit of cloth. If I could have had my way, I would have been really dramatic and would have used Jesse's MDS hanky. However, it wasn't currently available.

_Okay, Suze. This is it._

I cast another intense glance at the reflection that didn't belong to me, before mentally adding -

_DON'T screw it up._

**-F&I-**

Utter silence greeted me as I materialised into one of the more obscure rooms of Paul's massive glasshouse. I skirted nervously around the halls, keeping my eyes pealed for any signs of him. As I went to head into his room, however, I stopped with a start.

Not only was he not in there, but I remembered only then that my last visit had practically destroyed it. I could see the beginnings of reconstruction going on - he must have called in someone to repair the destruction I'd caused, so as not to let the neighbours gossip. I wasn't sure if I felt guilty or pleased with my tiny flaw in his perfect life.

Probably both.

Great...that meant I had to search the house to find where he was. I peaked in another of the guest rooms, to find it empty -

'Hey!' someone gasped.

I whirled around, my heard thudding and my hands whipping wildly to the small bottle in my pocket - but it was just a ghost. A small girl of about fifteen stood there in a hospital gown, glaring at me, before taking a step closer and realising who she (thought) was talking to. 'Oh, Paul! I'm sorry, I didn't realise... I thought you were asleep in the basement.'

'What are you doing here?' I growled at her with the most impressive anger I could summon. It worked - she quailed under my intensity.

'I was doing what you told me!' she spluttered desperately. 'Watching out for the girl.'

'Seen her?' I demanded.

She shook her head fervently, her strawberry blond hair seeming to retreat in fear of me also. 'No - there's been no one.'

'Good,' I replied. 'I don't think I'll need you here anymore. You can go.'

She shifted nervously. 'But...you won't let me, remember? You did that spell to bind me to your service, and - '

'Oh, right,' I blinked. What the _hell_, Slater?! 'Er...well, I have business down here. Go and...go hang out in my old room. And remember, if you disturb me, you'll be so _very_ sorry.'

She squeaked fearfully, dematerialising immediately.

I grinned.

So...basement it was then.

Staining my cloth with chloroform and arming myself with it, I made my way closer to the door that lead to the basement, straining my ears through the door to hear for any signs of activity. There didn't seem to be any movement at all. Finally, I plucked up the courage to materialise into the room. I look around swiftly, hoping to God he wasn't awake -

And there he was, passed out on a couch, a half-empty bottle of scotch in his hand with a small TV playing on mute a few feet away.

'Life of luxury,' I sniffed in disdain.

Oh, for God's _sake_! It seems that Paul had very much liked the plan to Get Paul Wasted. Less concerned at being quiet now, I moved forward, pressing the cloth against his mouth and nose just to make sure he was definitely out of it. His poor central nervous system...getting so attacked tonight, what with my drugs and his DRINKING.

Shoving the stained cloth back into my pocket, I started frisking him, searching his pockets to look for the key. I even pulled off his shoes, looking in his socks - but it wasn't anywhere on his person. Scowling bitterly at him, I slumped down. Maybe it _was_, but the stupid glamour hadn't worked. Or maybe - my mind was in super-conspiracy mode - Dr. Slaski _knew_ it wouldn't have worked, and he was just -

_Suze. Get it together._

Breathing as evenly as I could, I knelt in front of his face, trying to think where he may have hidden it. I mean, when I was carrying around the power source so long ago, I'd worn it so as to be aware of the very moment when it was realised. I wouldn't have wanted to not know that it had gone missing.

However...perhaps Paul had hidden it so well that he wouldn't have even bothered to be concerned about it, assured that I'd never find it. Well...in that case, all I had to do was access that information.

Invading his mind seemed like a good way to do so.

I remembered something Gabriel had told me long ago - how entering someone's mind was a lot easier when they were asleep, because they were more vulnerable... I hoped this was the case. I had a feeling that after last time, Paul would have taken some precautions to keep me out of his head.

Carefully touching his face, I closed my eyes and willed myself to see his memories...

**-F&I-**

...It didn't go as planned.

Unfortunately, as I discovered, mind jumping was best done when the victim was awake, because when the subconscious took over, the memories were scattered left and right in a chaotic mess of mental pandemonium. I wheezed in disappointment. He was dreaming. I was inside his dream, and I was never going to find that stupid little key -

...Unless I get the information of its whereabouts straight from the devil's mouth, so to speak.

Feeling wired, I looked down to make sure I was still under the glamour, satisfied that this hadn't failed me. I started wandering in this cold, dark place inside his mind, ducking whenever his disjointed memories threatened to claim me. Finally, the surrounds started to take form.

Looking far too blue to be possible, the setting revealed itself to be the Lookout Point at Big Sur. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. I was quite a distance away, but I could see, still. Paul sat in his shiny BMW, staring out at the ocean. Only the back of his head was in my vision. He was drumming his fingers fully on the steering wheel.

However, that's when an unexpected form stirred beside him, and I realised he wasn't alone. His arm was wrapped around someone, holding them tenderly against his chest. I crept closer, sure to go unnoticed.

'It's beautiful...' the girl said softly.

...The girl was me.

I saw his profile smile, content. 'Yeah,' he replied, looking at her. 'It really is.' He kissed her on the forehead, the hand of the arm around her stroking her hair. She moved into him further, gently kissing his throat. He sighed.

'I love you...' she whispered.

He stiffened.

'No,' he said sadly. 'You don't.'

She didn't say anything, just laying against him peacefully. Paul stared at the blue-tinted sunset before him, breathing evenly. He looked sad, but at ease.

...Right up until he withdrew the gun from his jacket, firing eight rounds directly into her head.

I fell back in horror as the force of the bullets plastered her against the side of the car, half of them penetrating the metal exterior completely. Paul got out of the car, throwing the gun into the ocean, shaking.

'There,' he laughed horribly, his voice choked. 'Wasn't _that_ hard...'

Then, he turned around and saw me on the ground, looking to him in a most unimagined horror. The scandalised humour fell from his face as he too realised the heinous act he'd just committed.

'What have you done?' I gasped. My gaze slid back to the lifeless form of myself, but I had to look away. There was just so much…blood.

He stared at me. There was no suspicion on his face. He didn't think it at all strange that there was a duplicate of himself, gaping at him.

'Nothing,' he whispered. The blue sun fell completely behind the ocean behind him. 'Not yet, anyway…'

I climbed to my feet, trying to stop shaking. I'd just witnessed my own murder.

He continued to stare.

Swallowing, I cleared my throat. 'She's coming, you know…' I told him. 'For the key.'

'I know,' he replied tonelessly. 'She'll never find it…'

I frowned at him, taking another step towards him. He looked bewildered by my proximity. 'She might,' I hissed urgently. 'Give it to me. I will hide it for us.'

'Where?'

'I know of a place,' I insisted.

His look darkened. '_Where?_'

A flurry of intense words spilt past my lips – I couldn't be sure if they were inspired by his mind or my own. 'There are places that not even _you_ can conceive. Beyond the comprehension of your unconscious mind. Give me the _key_.'

A look of awe came across his face, and he immediately held his palm flat. With a sparkle of red light, the key materialised into his hand. His eyes were locked with mine as he surrendered it. It glittered coldly, shining a bright silver light. I was terrified that as he passed it, the key would slide straight through my hands, not being fooled by my deceptions. And yet…the moment I felt the cold metal on my skin, I knew I had succeeded.

I sighed in relief. Paul still stared in wonder at me.

My eyes fell closed. '…Are we really going to do that to her?' I asked him softly.

A hardness entered his voice. 'I have to,' he responded.

I opened my eyes once more, and our surroundings had changed. The setting of Big Sur had dissolved into nothing. Now, we stood in a dark room. There was a wooden frame around me, and a pane of glass between us. It took me a moment to realise I was within a mirror…

I belonged to him. A reflection of Paul Slater.

'Why?' I enquired, tilting my head. 'Because of this game? Because we're scared of dying forever? Or…because she doesn't want us?'

His head turned stiffly to glare to the side. I saw his chest rising and falling – his breaths were sharp and shallow. His hauntingly pale eyes were full of badly concealed emotion.

Finally, his gaze fell to the gun that had mysteriously returned to his hand and he released a shuddering breath.

'…I don't want to be evil,' he said, so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

This startled me. Noticing my stunned silence, his eyes snapped back to mine.

'We cannot help it,' I told him sternly. 'We are a part of this game, whether we like it or not.'

'That's not what makes me evil,' he retorted. 'I _represent_ Dark – and as such, I'm forced to do evil… If Suze was…if she was in my place, she'd reject it. She wouldn't…do the things I've done. She'd fight to keep her innocence.'

My gaze softened.

'She would,' I agreed. 'So why can't we?'

His eyes smouldered in the deepest self-loathing I'd ever witnessed. 'Because,' he snarled, 'If I don't kill her, then I lose the game. And I have to suffer.'

I didn't reply.

'At least…' he murmured, staring once again at the gun emptily, 'When she's gone, neither of us can have her. A small consolation, if nothing else.'

'Us?' I knit my eyebrows. 'You and I?'

'No,' he scowled, leaning heavily on the frame of the mirror. 'Me and _him_. I'd rather she were _dead_ than with him…'

My fingers closed tightly around the silver key. 'Well,' I laughed, coldness now in my voice as I thought of what I had planned, 'You may just get that wish…'

And with a cascade of white light, I dematerialised.

-F&I-

After depositing my unconscious body back at Father Dominic's, I – my soul still in Paul's form so as to master the key – shifted to Shadowland. The tendrils of fog twisted gracefully like hellish fingers around my jeans-clad legs as I drifted along the floorless hallway, searching for the Eighth Door. I passed so many – I must have been walking all night. But here, time was an abstract entity that didn't seem to exist. There was no day or night; no seconds, minutes or hours. There was just…endlessness. Eternity.

No death in sight.

And then, I was standing before the wooden door with the brass number nailed at a slight slant. I hadn't stopped gripping the key ever since it had come to be in my possession, and now I held it before my eyes, still bewildered that it had been fooled by my glamour and the minimal presence of Dark magic inside of me. Surprised at how unemotional I was about the whole affair – as if terrified this wasn't truly happening – I slid the silver key into the brass lock, momentarily wondering why the colours didn't match, at which point a trickle of panic snaked through me. Would it even _work_ if it wasn't the right colour –

But it did. With a loud creak, the door drifted open.

Expectations began swelling hotly through my veins. I'd succeeded. I'd finally –

'OW!'

…Just been punched viciously in the nose.

And then Jesse was on top of me, his fist arched up again. His eyes were as black as night.

'No!' I screamed. 'Jesse, it's me! It's Suze!' I glamoured back hurriedly.

Only for my now correct face to meet his fist. I swore rudely, shoving him off of me. 'For God's sake!' I snapped at him as he scrambled to his feet, still badly wounded but looking fierce and ready to defend himself.

'You think your lies will trick me again, Slater?' he spat.

I groaned. 'Look,' I sighed, 'I just came to – OW!'

He'd thumped me again.

'I'M SUZE!' I yelled furiously. 'And I'd freakin' whack you right back if you didn't _already_ look so slagged. Jesse,' I staggered over to him, holding my nose. 'I _swear_, it's me. I'm here to spring you out of the Forgotten Plane. So are you coming, or are you just gonna pound on me all day?'

My presence seemed to suddenly intoxicate him. After staring directly into my eyes, he gasped sharply. 'God in heaven, it _is_ you! Why on _earth_ did you appear as Paul, Susannah? Surely you didn't think you'd get a friendly reception with a face like that!'

Not wanting to point out that a face like Paul's would get a _very _friendly reception from most of the girls of JSMA, I mumbled, 'It's okay…my nose isn't even bleeding, I think.'

He then realised the gravity of what my being here meant. 'Susannah,' he whispered in wonderment, 'Are you telling me…you found a way to…?'

'Yes,' I said, dabbing my nose one last time for good measure to make absolutely sure there was no blood. I looked over at the gaping door. 'You're free to leave, Jesse.'

He didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed my hand tightly and pulled me through the door so fast I struggled to keep up. The second he'd crossed the threshold that divided the Forgotten Plane and Shadowland, his wounds faded instantaneously. I gasped in delight, and he started laughing, not able to believe it himself.

'I'm free…' he told me, amazed. His onyx eyes burned with thankful intensity. 'You…you did it, Susannah.'

I slid the key into the pocket of Jake's jeans which were nearly sliding off of me…and then threw my arms around his neck, kissing him with a long-hidden passion. He responded with such fervour that I almost couldn't stand the joy of finally being able to hold him again. His lips still encasing my own, I shifted the both of us back to our plane. Back in my body – which had thoroughly become my own again – I gripped him closer to me as his hungry lips devoured the skin of my neck.

'Susannah…' he wheezed ardently, '_Dios_, how I've missed you…'

'I know,' I moaned. We'd lost so much time…

Still pressed against me, obsessed with maintaining as much contact with me as possible, he backed me to Father Dominic's modest dining table, his hand shooting out to swipe off all the unnecessary items. They crashed to the ground messily, and his hands slid to my waist, guiding me onto the table where he crawled over me, still kissing me with urgency. I sighed long and loud, my fingers darting to the laces of his shirt as his hand slid up my side beneath Jake's tee that I was still – unfortunately – wearing. I moaned his name with all the love I could possibly convey, making his hold on me tighten possessively –

'Mind if I cut in?' a voice drawled idly.

With a squeak, I sat up, shoving Jesse off of me.

From the next room, Dr. Slaski was sitting up extremely straight in his chair, straining to see what we were getting up to. A creepy smirk stretched across his wrinkly face as he snickered at my sudden humiliation.

Jesse and I dove off of the table and apart from each other. My cheeks aflame, I tugged the tee back down forcefully.

Oh my GOD. He'd just been…_watching_. Not that we were going to – but we'd been pretty into it, we might have got a little carried away and – oh my _God_!

'What the hell?' I demanded of him acidly, stomping heavily on his foot. His sniggering was cut short with a gasp of furious pain. 'Oi!' he shouted. 'Was that _really _necessary, girl?'

'Yes!' I snapped. 'As is this!'

But before my hand could slap him smartly across that freakishly smarmy face of his, Jesse caught my wrist, having finally tightened his shirt laces once more. 'Susannah,' he warned me, before casting a look of dislike at Dr. Slaski. 'Who is this man?'

'So this is your Jesse…' the Doctor chortled. 'My, my…aren't you a little old for her? By perhaps a century or two?' He eyed Jesse's cowboy getup with mirth.

'Well, you're _VERY old_!' was my witty comeback.

They both stared.

'N-not for me,' I spluttered. 'Just…in general.'

Jesse blinked, incredulous.

My face was still on fire. I couldn't believe I'd made out with my recently safe boyfriend in front of this wrinkly, sinister, creepy_ old_ guy. That was just too embarrassing. And – and _really gross_.

'If you weren't so pathetically powerless to stop me, I'd _kill_ you right now,' I snapped, livid beyond the telling of it.

A flicker of irritation crossed his face. He didn't like being described this way at all. 'All right,' he grumbled, 'No need to be disrespectful, girlie. Now you got your silly little ghost back, we have work to do.'

Jesse stood beside me loyally, his hand in mine. I was still terribly mad at the Doctor for replacing my feelings of thrilling bliss with the mortification he'd caused, but it couldn't be helped.

'Oh yeah,' I sighed in dejection, wishing I could have more time to be alone with him first. I'd missed him so much... 'This is Paul's grandfather, by the way… don't worry. As much as I don't like it, he's on our side.'

'I can assure you, I get no pleasure from being here either,' Dr. Slaski retorted snappily… before adding, 'Well, not until about three minutes ago, anyway.'

'UGH!'

I fully smacked him across the face before Jesse had time to restrain me. When he finally did, I saw to my vexation that Dr. S wasn't even mad! He was just _laughing_.

Gonna. Kill. Him.

'Susannah,' Jesse pacified me, his strong, protective arms around me to get me to stop struggling as I tried to fill a coffin with dead-old-man. His hold settled me as I felt his lips beside my ear. I breathed in deeply, held it, and let it gush out of my lungs.

I _hate_ that little Slater man…

But since I loved the man whose arms were holding me, my fury subsided gradually until I was able to get things in perspective. 'Okay,' I said through somewhat gritted teeth to Jesse. 'We've got a lot to do, and not enough time to do it in. Firstly, we need to find Father Dominic. He and CeeCee were in a not-so-accidental accident, and are currently in hospital, only – it's the weirdest thing, Father D's essence…soul, spirit, _whatever_, has gone completely MIA.' Jesse's face rumpled in worry, but I wasn't done my dumpage of news. 'Then, I've gotta find a way to stop Paul before he, erm, "stops" _me_. And in between all of that, you and I need to destroy a ruthless entity of evil,' I concluded, nodding firmly.

Hmm…

Yeah, still not too sure about the _chronology_ of all of that.

To say he looked overwhelmed was a little of an understatement. Ever heard of the word "gobsmacked"? Well, yeah. That was Jesse. Gobsmacked.

'Wait – what? Father Dom's…and your friend CeeCee? They're – who is this… entity of evil? Is he the one you thought I was on the Forgotten Plane the last time we were together?' An angry glint came to his eye, and his fists balled. 'How is he involved in all of this? Has he hurt you?'

'Down, tiger,' I coaxed, rubbing his shoulder. His righteous anger lessened into a light blush. 'Fisticuffs are no good against him. However, you and I have a little _job_ to do. I think I know what we have to do now…'

And I explained to him my plan to retrieve the sword that would finally bury Gabriel the Corrupter for good.

**-F&I-**

**A small note about the chapter – if anyone has issues about the chloroform thing, and you think we totally screwed it up…we probably did. So our apologies, lol.**

**Lolly and Steph.**


	29. Believing in Ghosts

_'Absolutely not_,' said Jesse.

I froze in my dramatic delivery of the plan. 'W-what? Why?'

He glared at me, and I bit my lip.

'Oh. That.'

Standing up suddenly, he cried, 'Of course, that, Susannah! Don't you understand what you are saying? Instantaneous death! How can you talk of this so calmly? I don't understand.'

I shrugged. 'You're only coming as a precaution. I fully intend on coming back as a ghost, but just in case I don't, you can take the sword back and go make mashed potatoes out of him with it. But that probably won't happen, so don't worry - '

He just laughed softly in disbelief. I blinked. 'Jesse. What's the problem? I'll still be with you.'

Dr. Slaski snorted. 'Not the brightest choice in a girlfriend,' he commented sardonically to Jesse, who rounded on him and growled, 'Stay _out_ of this, old man.'

I too shot the Doctor a dirty look. 'Yeah,' I snapped. 'Shut up, or we're putting you in the Courtesy Chair.'

He settled, looking irritated.

Turning back to Jesse, I sighed. 'Listen - '

'No,' he interrupted angrily. There was actual fear in his eyes, that I was serious. Which I was. _'You_ listen, Susannah. Listen very carefully.' He sank to his knees in front of me, holding my shoulders in a tight grip, 'You are not going to die. Not here, not now. You are going to live your life. _All_ of it.'

I shook my head. 'No, I'm not,' I replied gently, touching his face. 'There's no other way to do this, Jesse. Gabriel...he made a very real threat against my friends. I'm almost sure he told Paul about CeeCee and Father Dominic helping me, that they were finding information for me to use against _Paul_, to get Paul to take care of them - when it was really the other way around. He knows we're close to finding a way to destroy him, and the longer I draw this out, the more danger the people around me are in, so I've got to - '

'To _die_?' Jesse gasped in horror, his eyes a fiery black. 'The price you pay is your life?'

'Yes,' I responded.

'B-but,' he stuttered urgently, 'What about your family? Your _mother_? What will this do to them? Susannah, be reasonable. This isn't the only way to - '

He didn't understand. I groaned a little in impatience, which made his temper flare. 'Susannah!' he scowled, shaking me to bring my attention back to him. My eyes found his in some alarm. I just didn't see why he was so upset. I mean...I wasn't planning on going anywhere after I kicked it. What was the big deal?

'Oh, just let the girl die,' Dr. Slaski whined in annoyance. 'Hopefully she'll be a damned lot less infuriating as a ghost...'

Jesse stood up to his full height in absolute fury. Sensing a lot of shattering glass in the near future, I too stood up and grumbled at the Doctor. 'Okay. You? _OUT_.'

And promptly materialising him into the rusty Courtesy wheelchair in the corner, before moving him to Father Dominic's bedroom. Jesse slammed the door closed telekinetically, making the whole room seem to shudder with his unchecked emotions. I ran my hand through my hair tiredly, staring at him. 'Jesse,' I pleaded. 'Calm down, seriously.'

'I will _not_ calm down,' he shot back furiously, 'Not until you show anything _but_ calmness about what you are so calmly discussing. What is _wrong_ with you?'

I shoved my hands on my hips. 'Nothing is wrong with me,' I said, stubborn. 'I'm just doing what I always do: whatever it takes.'

His expression was utterly scandalised. 'I don't - how are you so...'

I rolled my eyes, my irritation escalating quickly. 'If you won't come with me,' I said coolly, 'I can just ask Lily. It's no problem. _She_ won't question my judgement. _She'd_ understand that I'm doing what I need to in order to keep my family - '

_'Locura_!' he cried. I flushed angrily at his use of Spanish. He turned away from me with a jerky, uncontained movement of wrath. A flicker of disappointment echoed through me. After all these weeks of being apart from each other, the first night we could have been back in each other's arms, he was already too mad to even look at me. This wasn't how I'd predicted our reunion. Perhaps I should have left out the dying thing. I had no idea he'd get so upset about it.

'I'm going to bed. Stay here tonight, we'll talk about this tomorrow,' I said stiffly, dematerialising to my room. It was almost three in the morning...of course I wanted sleep.

The second I'd arrived in my dark bedroom, he was standing in front of my bed, waiting for me. His arms were crossed and his face was like thunder.

'Nice try,' he said. 'I will not be dismissed as easily as that, _querida_.'

My heart fluttered at the word, but he'd said it so quickly and with such anger in his voice that the sentiment had been tarnished a little. I just shrugged. 'Talk all you want,' I offered with a nonchalant look that probably got right under his skin. 'I don't care - I'm going to sleep.'

As I tried to slide into bed, he stopped me. His hands on the skin of my arms sent a thrill of familiarity throughout my body. 'Susannah,' his voice was very hard. 'We will deal with this _now_.'

'It's been dealt with,' my voice, in comparison, was soft and quiet - but obstinate. 'It's decided.'

'I don't trust you to be making a decision like this!' he hissed, his face close to mine. There were no thoughts of kissing on his brain, though. He was too angry with me. With narrowed eyes, I replied crisply, 'I don't trust you to be making any decisions either, since you haven't exactly been Joe Sanity lately.'

Shock appeared on his face, and instantly, I felt terribly guilty for stooping to that. He'd been going insane on the Forgotten Plane without me - he'd been tortured into near madness, and I'd just trivialised that completely. The shock, however, was shoved aside, and his hard infuriation returned.

'Let us not exchange jabs at who has more completely lost their mind - even though it is clearly yourself,' he added. 'The only way you will be deterred from your plan is if we come up with another, so I'm prepared to negotiate all things except your life - '

'No.'

I swatted his hand from my arm, and got into bed. My serenity was maddening him. Sure enough, barely a second had passed before the covers were ripped back. A rush of cold drenched my skin and I glared at him accusingly.

'Susannah!' he shouted at me. 'That is _enough_!'

I launched myself back out of bed, standing angrily before him. His livid eyes were flashing in the moonlight. 'Hey,' I said, _'I've_ accepted it, okay?'

'No, you haven't,' he laughed confidently.

I hesitated. 'What do you want me to do? Cry about it? Moan how it isn't fair? Beg for there to be another way? Because I'm - '

'Yes!' he threw his arms in the air. 'Yes! Cry, moan, beg - _anything_ but this transparent façade of apathy you present now! Show me you _want_ to live!'

'Of _course_ I do,' I spat. 'But I, unlike you, am not as naïve to think that everything is going to get a happy ending. However, like I said before, there is a big chance I'll come back as a ghost anyway, so I really don't see what you're so pissy about - '

'BECAUSE I CAN'T _LOSE_ YOU AGAIN!' he roared in my face, seizing me. His eyes widened in desperation, and his lips parted to release his shallow breaths of utmost panic. I went very quiet, impassive. His face crumpled as if in pain, and he bowed his head against my neck, drawing me into him. He was shaking. The tension in his strong arms sharply alerted me to the fact that Jesse was very scared - which always made me scared. Nothing seemed that bad, until the point where his fear made me realise it was.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling his lips quivering against the skin of my throat. His presence consumed me, and my heart started hammering. Whatever calmness I'd built up before was about to deteriorate, and I could feel it.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered.

My body started going cold with dread, as the ice encasing my heart started to crack. In his ear, I breathed urgently, '...I don't want to die...'

He pulled me even closer to him. 'Of course you don't...'

'But,' I went on. 'I'm going to.' Why was it so cold? The temperature had just plummeted in the room.

Jesse moved back to stare turbulently into my eyes. 'No, I won't let you,' he promised me.

Images fired relentlessly through my mind, each one tearing its previous to pieces. I saw myself once again plastered to the inside of a BMW by my own blood. My eyes wide with shock before I'd had a chance to know what had happened. My breath stopped completely in my throat, never to be released. His hand, aiming right between my eyes. His gun, catching a flicker of light from the setting sun. Blood pooling over my white shirt...

'I can't...' I started to sob. 'Jesse...I can't die like that...'

He frowned in concern. 'Like what?' he demanded.

I choked on a gasp, my eyes closing heavily. 'I know how Paul's going to kill me,' I told him. 'It's...going to hurt. I just - I don't want to die that way.' It got colder, and colder... 'This way, though - it...maybe I won't even feel it. It'll be easier - '

_'Querida_,' he stopped me, his hands caressing my face. They were so warm, but it felt like the chill of my skin wouldn't allow any of his non-existent heat to transfer to me. He gazed into my eyes which were suddenly alight with a wild terror. I didn't want to be saying these things to him, telling him how scared I was of dying. But I couldn't stop.

I looked away, my gaze falling to my hands. I didn't want to fall apart. I had to keep pretending that I was going to be okay, because when I pretended, I almost started to believe it -

But I wasn't okay. I didn't want to die. I didn't want this to be the way it was meant to happen.

Jesse, suddenly alarmed, felt my arms. 'Susannah, you're _freezing_,' he gasped. A pathetic whimper slid from my lips as I completely lost all motivation to hide my terror, falling into him weakly.

With a protective growl, he swept me up into his arms hurriedly, rushing with me into my bathroom, using his mind to switch the water of my shower on. It started to steam. He concentrated harder, and the steam lessened somewhat. I just shivered, crying. I felt so empty, so scared...

And then, clothes and all, Jesse carried me into the shower. I hissed from the shock of the overwhelming hot water pouring on me, soaking Jake's clothes on my body and making them heavy and sodden. Jesse pulled me into him and my arms curled around his neck as I kept crying. I was so weak. I couldn't possibly win this game against Paul...I'd die with a violence that only my nightmares could conceive. And I couldn't stop it from happening...

The water was warm, but my skin was so mysteriously cold that it felt physically _painful_ to endure as it cracked through my icy skin. I pressed myself against Jesse even harder, trying to hide my skin. I hated the sensation - when you were so cold, and the water was so hot, and your body couldn't adjust quickly enough, and everything just stung sharply -

'Jesse,' I breathed with some panic, 'I - '

He just shushed me, a whirring noise I barely heard in my ear over the hammering of water against my skin and clothes. I hid my face against his jaw, water dripping off of my lips. My hair swathed around my face, sticking to my cheeks wetly - Jake's tee clung to my back as water travelled through the fabric, pouring hotly on the tiles below. There was no way to distinguish my tears from the shower's torrent anymore. Hysteria engorged vividly within my heart, making it drill even harder inside my chest as it tried to overwork so hard to the point of ceasing. My heart was exhausted with this life - with these constant trials and tribulations. My entire body felt like it was already half dead... I'd lost so much of myself to Paul Slater. What would a little thing like my breath, my consciousness, be to lose now? Nothing, surely...

'I just want it over...' I moaned against Jesse's wet skin. 'Make it all go away, please.'

He kissed my temple, unknowingly catching a tear in his lips. _'Querida_,' he urged. 'You cannot give up.'

This only depressed me. I sagged wearily from this information. He noticed with alarm that his words, which he'd intended to be inspirational and supportive, had had the opposite effect. Quickly, he slid my legs from his hold, pulling me against him so I wouldn't fall because my knees weren't fit to keep me standing. I wanted to crumble, wither, and just make it all stop. I held his shoulders wearily.

I was so scared to die. Paul had asked me what I would choose for my death. I wasn't ready to let go...but I just wanted the pain to end. I hated it. It made me numb to Jesse's presence. It was like he wasn't here yet...still trapped, planes away from my reach... why couldn't he be all here?

Steam rushed into my lungs, making me splutter a cough. Jesse forcefully pressed me against the wall of the shower, his eyes dark again. This made me miserable...

'Susannah.' His voice was hard again. Stern. _'Dónde está mi obstinata Susannah... _ I know you're stronger than this! I realise what I'm asking - for you to keep fighting after all the suffering you've endured. I know what he's done to you, _querida_. Nothing could inform me of the extent of your pain... I'm a fool if I claim to truly understand what you've gone though. And yet, here I am, asking you -' He shook his head, flecks of water flying from his tanned face. 'No, I'm _begging_ you. Don't give up now. I love you _too_ fiercely to let you go. I refuse to let you lose yourself to this pain, when I know that somewhere inside you is my strong, powerful Susannah, who is not ready to quit.'

I cried even harder. 'She's dead - ' I sobbed pitifully, but he jostled me.

'No!' he rebutted. 'She is not! She is here, in my arms. She is just so tired from the game that she thinks she cannot go on. But I believe in her.'

My tears lessened as my heart blazed with heat; with love. The ice was melting. The pain was dying...and the strength was in sight. It was within reach.

'You believe in ghosts?' I asked him tearfully.

He grinned down at me, his hair glued against his forehead from the force of the surge. His smile was so beautiful... 'She is not a ghost,' he pledged. 'She is bursting with life - a life I _know_ she's not prepared to forfeit yet. And she is _glorious_.'

My lips quivered and my eyes closed. It almost hurt, how much faith he had in me. It was vast, and devastating, and irresistible. He believed in me so much. Even after this sliver of Susannah Simon that I had been reduced to. Even now, he still had faith that I could be great...

It seemed uncanny, that such belief could have survived this torturous hell. My incoherent thoughts could barely remember the nightmare he'd been though on the Forgotten Plane. Paul had placed him there to limit the time on our deal, to add the pressure, assuring me that Jesse would soon fade to nothing, erasing him completely from existence... And yet through it all, he'd steadfastly clung to his consciousness.

'Jesse,' I wheezed, my skin finally warming. 'All that time - how did you not vanish?'

His thumb gently stroked my dripping face with such adoration that I almost cried again.

'I had you,' he told me. 'Memories of you...you laugh, your smile, your eyes...your unyielding integrity. You kept me strong, _mi querida_. You saved me, just as you said you would. Now, please...let me save you. You promised me that I could.'

I recalled this vow, and I knew I had to honour it. I wanted to. Every now and then, I guess I did need rescuing, no matter how many times I tried to refuse it.

'Save me,' I relented.

Make me believe in _her_ again.

His intensity did not die - instead, it switched from his frustrated determination to something else entirely, something I recognised only too well. The blackness in his eyes shimmered away until they were suddenly scorching down at me, his breath quickening. Invigorated by his ongoing faith, my body flourished with vigour as I grasped his shoulders, drawing his lips to mine. Meeting my urgency, he crushed me gently against the shower wall, cradling the back of my head with his cupped hand while the other slid to the small of my back, pressing me further into him as if our proximity could never be close enough. The kiss, assisted by the heat of our scolding environment, heated up as both of his hands slid to the edge of Jake's tee, dragging it up and over my head.

Due to the glamour, no purpose would have been served by wearing my usual upper undergarments, and so when I'd finally tugged his shirt off, nothing inhibited our contact. I gasped as the dormant reservoir of pleasure was fuelled by this memory, flaring up instantly. Thrill took its wicked toll on my body and my hands roved his slick skin. His arms were so strong, so familiar... The muscles flexed beneath my fingers as he moved. His lips, achieving a balance between softness and firmness, descended to the flushed skin of my throat, his teeth grazing there. My nails bit into him. It felt wonderful...addictive. I needed more of him...

I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this way. My body had been poked and prodded and teased until it couldn't stand it before...abused by lips and hands that dared to touch that which did not belong to them. I thought I'd be forever numbed to how this was _supposed_ to feel, but I was wrong. Jesse was melting the ice with his gentle heat, coaxing me to feel again instead of the force I'd grown accustomed to.

His hands smoothed up my sides, making me shiver from the pleasure. He would have chuckled playfully at this reaction, usually - but now, there was something so heavy in our passion that it only made his eyes burn with more intensity. Water trickled between our lips as they collided. My skin hummed, electrified from his presence. Wet jeans hugged my legs thickly, reminding me that clothes _really_ weren't intended for the shower setting. As if in tune with my rambling, nonsensical train of thought, his thumbs slid into the already too-large jeans, sliding them down my legs easily. My breath shuddered quite a bit, and I grabbed the sides of the shower to keep from staggering as his fingers trailed down the length of my legs, making my nerve endings crackle with life. Easily, I stepped out of the wet pile of denim, thankful to be freed. My body felt lighter, more mobile, and absurdly, even _hungrier_ for him.

Once again, he could do no wrong. My silent desire was heard loud and clear as he returned to stand over me, his hands wandering all across my body, remembering it, _awakening_ it... They slid to my hips, which they held with a firmness that suggested what he wanted to do. Understanding the unsaid request, I nodded, my gaze locked with his. And then, he'd hoisted me up, pressing my back hard against the moist, chilled shower wall. My legs wrapped aggressively around his waist. My thighs just went _mad_ from the contact, and I arched my back as I gasped loudly.

And his lips were earnestly roaming my chest, kissing every inch with a fierce love that made my body shudder non-stop. My hands slid to the magnificent black curls of his hair which I netted my fingers in, dragging him closer. His mouth found my collar bone, his breath hot and damp on my wet skin.

'Jesse,' I cried out. I _adored_ him. With all I had to offer.

Around him, my thighs tugged him closer to me. He wheezed sharply, looking up at me. His eyes were intoxicated with passion. I swallowed, shocked and pleased at how affected he was by this. His face returned to my neck, kissing insistently. I pressed my lips to the crown of his head. 'I love you _so much_,' I whispered, a declaration that was probably lost to the volume of the crashing water.

But he knew.

Again, his gaze moved purposefully up to mine, a burning question in his eyes. My hands slid to his shoulders as my chest heaved from panting. He inclined his head. 'Susannah...' he said in a voice so tightly choked with passion that my thighs gave another involuntary squeeze.

I bit my lip, which made breathing even harder. _God_, I wanted to. He did too. Here he was, asking my permission...offering me something I'd wanted for so long. However, the barely audible conscious part of my mind filled me with a guarded sensation. I sighed. 'We shouldn't,' I murmured with regret. Immediately, he nodded. 'B-but - ' I said quickly, scared that he'd put me down, '...don't stop just yet.'

He continued to stare up at me, his gaze overpowering and inscrutable. I worried for a moment that I'd disappointed him. 'Jesse?' I asked, still breathing heavily. 'What - '

'I'm thinking,' he replied. 'No easy feat, given our...' his eyes trailed back to my chest, and I swelled with pleasure, '...situation.'

I moved in to kiss him again, but he hindered me. 'No,' he whispered, 'I have a better idea...'

Staring at him with wild curiosity, I drew back slightly. Then, without another moment wasted, he slid his hand between our bodies and I suddenly felt his fingers right between my legs. I gasped loudly, shocked. 'Jesse - '

The corners of his mouth curved up, definitely not in a way I could call innocent. His fingers traced around the soft flesh of my thigh, so close to -

- And then, it _was_.

I gasped again, my head falling to the side and my eyes fluttering closed, inundated with a fresh, sharp sparkle of pleasure. But he hissed, 'No, _querida_...look at me.'

I blinked quickly and returned my gaze to his. His expression had changed dramatically in a single second. My lips parted as a breathy wheeze escaped. His eyes were glowing, ablaze with heat. He continued touching me, his fingers slow and enticing. I moaned very softly, my eyes locked on his just as he'd asked.

'I love you...' he told me. 'More than _anything_ in this life.' He didn't rush the words. It looked like putting his emotions into that form had taken effort. I nodded hurriedly, my nails digging into his shoulders as I tried to stay quiet, concentrating on him and his eyes...

His fingers quickened all of a sudden, and I cried out his name, staring directly at him. This urged him on as he applied more force. My thighs screamed in strain as they constricted urgently around him. 'Jesse...oh my God...' A fluttering outbreak of pleasure twisted inside me, deep down. I just tried to breathe, tried to keep focusing. My skin was on fire; blissfully so. Again, I swallowed back a fitful moan, instead appeasing my lustful love by whispering that name, over and over...

He didn't stop. I never would have asked him to. I quivered over him, my legs curled around him, gripping me as tightly against him as I could possibly manage. His fingers continued to twist and turn and tempt and I panted hotly, my breath trembling in the steaming air. The pleasure just kept coming. I'd hoped the more he continued, the more it would lessen - but it didn't. It kept flooding in, increasing, getting stronger, building higher and _higher_, more than I'd ever known before. I couldn't smother the long, loud, high moan as my body begged for delivery from this place of clenching, guttural, raw lust.

_'Jesse!_' my voice was too breathy to be a scream, but he got the message. And suddenly, I'd reached higher than I could possibly go.

The only way to go now was down.

And I was free falling. My eyes were open, staring at him, but all I saw was wind and space rushing at me as my whole body seized suddenly. Tears were in my eyes. I couldn't stand it - I broke eye contact and allowed myself to fall, faster and faster, the cry of release born in my throat -

- He silenced me with a hard kiss, swallowing my transcending scream. Every part of me gripped him; my legs held him helplessly prisoner; my arms pulled him tautly until the empty space between us was gone, his chest against mine, our heat battling that of the searing water...

Finally, our lips parted and he just stared lovingly at me, still breathing hard. He readjusted me on his hips, alerting me to something...

'…Jesse,' my eyes widened.

He frowned, gulping down a little gasp. He turned his head and rested it in the crook of my neck, wheezing, trying to... well, calm down, I could only guess. In the readjusting, he must have...brushed me in a particular way that felt a little too right for him.

He would _never_ ask. He'd never demand it of me. But I just loved him so much…and especially after what he'd just done to me, my heart hurt at the thought of not making him feel the way he'd made me feel.

Still with laboured breathing, his lips grazed across my skin. '_Querida_,' he told me, 'It's all right, you don't – '

I responded wordlessly, instead relinquishing my thighs' strong hold around his waist. My feet reconnected with the wet ground, and I stood before him, my skin tingling…glowing.

And after nervously loosening his belt, warmth pooling in my stomach just from the idea of it, I finally reached…

'Susannah,' he hissed in pleasure, his eyes jamming closed. 'You…_oh_…'

He trailed off, biting his lip and sucking in some air. My other hand trailed suggestively across his chest in chaotic, unrepeatable patterns. He gripped my arms tightly, pulling me into an embrace that only barely left any space between us. I continued scraping my nails over the muscular region of his stomach, and he flinched, mumbling in Spanish. He was breathing heavily. I felt him shudder under my touch, and I knew there was no going back now.

'Shhh…' I soothed, my hand stroking him back and forth, slowly at first in my inexperience. I tried to cast my mind back to my days of Cosmo reading, desperate to resurface some of the advice on how exactly to do this, but nothing returned to me. This made me anxious; I wanted to do this right…

He choked on a breath suddenly, and I looked up, worried.

'Is this–?'

My tone wasn't the cool, confident one I would have preferred – it was dripping with nervousness. His eyes snapped open, and they were pitch black again, feverishly aroused. I faltered in surprise – I'd _never _seen Jesse de Silva look like that. The warmth in my stomach got hotter at the thought that I had caused that…

Trying to read his expression correctly, I spluttered, '…More?'

He swallowed, and nodded – but then concerned that this was rude – of all things – he found his voice, growling, 'Yes…'

I increased my force, burying my face against his chest to protect it from the sheets of water gushing out still. I was pleased it was still as hot as ever. His arms tensed around me and he rasped something incoherent into my ear before letting his lips rest there, kissing it lightly. I held him harder, and he shuddered powerfully against me, sucking in air with apparent urgency. 'Oh, _Susannah_–' he groaned, his fingers pressing into my sides.

I continued whatever I was doing for a few minutes as Jesse quivered, gasping above me, his hold on me progressively tightening as my hold on _him _did. I moved faster, and a large slew of Spanish spilled from his mouth, leading me to believe that I was doing something right.

My mind was heavy, cloudy with passion. Everything felt strangely blurry. His breath quickened all over again.

And then, just when I thought he couldn't take it any longer, he finally shuddered heavily, dragging me firmly against him as he held me. Water pelted us both forcefully, splashing at our feet.

For a moment, he didn't say a word, barely moving at all. His face was at the crook of my neck. I would have thought he were dead if not for the warmth of his breath I felt on my skin. And the fact that he _was_ dead.

But it didn't matter.

None of it did.

Because this moment was ours, and ours alone. He held me in his strong, powerful arms – which could have crushed me, but chose to be gentle. His trousers lay in a heap in the corner of the shower. We stood before each other, completely bare.

And it felt _right_.

There was no fear, no anxiety – no pressure. A little sadness maybe, but other than that, I felt utterly at peace with him for this one moment in time. The sadness existed because I knew that it was fleeting…

He stirred.

I broke away from him as he turned off the water. The sudden silence, save the slur of droplets which slowed to a gradual, infrequent splash, jarred me. I kissed him softly, holding his jaw between my curled fingers.

'Thank you,' he said gently.

I grinned. 'I'm just glad that I've finally found something I don't suck at.'

…Then I yelped. 'I-I meant–'

He chuckled against my lips, sighing. 'Calm yourself, Susannah. I know what you meant. And you don't. Suck, I mean.' He wrinkled his nose at how vulgar it sounded, but then looked at me quite seriously.

My face, flushed from the heat, went even redder.

'Now,' he murmured, 'Are you feeling better? That was the purpose of this exercise. Not that I initially intended it to go _that_ far,' he admitted guiltily. 'But certainly no harm done. Well…maybe a little…'

Stopping his nervous rambles, I smiled. 'I feel better. Sorry I got hysterical before… and I'm sorry for getting angry at you – especially the moment you got back from the Forgotten Plane. The last thing I wanted for a reunion was for us to fight…'

He clicked his tongue, declaring this a non-issue. I kissed him again sweetly.

But then – he'd dematerialised.

Shocked and scared, I straightened, looking around urgently. His clothes in the shower had disappeared. I covered myself the best I could, afraid that–

Only, he reappeared a second later, towel in his arms, sweeping me entirely off of my feet. I gasped as he pulled me tightly against him, my hair dripping on his now utterly dry shirt. 'Hey,' I snapped. 'A little warning would have been nice.'

Laughing softly, he settled me down on my bed after drawing back the covers telekinetically. Ever the prude, I clutched the towel to my chest, staring up at him in intrigue as he suddenly crawled over me, sitting astride my thighs. I went very still.

But he only intended to dress me. Picking up a small singlet, he slid it over my head and gently pulled my arms through the corresponding holes. He then pulled silky shorts onto my legs, kissing me as I scooted up so he could get them right. I smiled all the same. Darn him and his insistence that the majority of our activities should involve clothing.

He then pulled a manoeuvre that even I had to marvel at – pressing his knees together, he trapped my legs between his and then proceeded to roll us over so I was suddenly on top of him, my legs parted. 'Wow,' I muttered, impressed. 'Who have youbeen practicing _that_ with?'

Jesse grinned impishly, his dark eyes glittering in the moonlight. His face rose to meet my lips again and I responded ceremoniously, sinking over him even lower. We continued on in this vein until I finally wilted against him, completely worn out.

'Sorry…' I sighed breathlessly, 'I am just so tired.'

He kissed my earlobe, whispering with amusement, 'I'd be offended if you weren't, _querida_. Come now – off you get, you minx…'

I flopped to the side, and he moved closer behind me, wrapping one arm around me as I rested my head on his other. It was so warm, so comfortable… I almost passed out from cosiness there and then.

'I missed you so much,' he whispered, his lips at my throat. I hugged his hand against my chest, afraid to let it go.

'I missed you too,' I said sadly. 'And I don't want to sleep…'

Against my neck, I felt him frown. He pulled away. 'Why not?'

Blinking, I replied, 'You might not be here when I wake up… Something might happen to you. Or-or maybe this was all a dream, and–'

'You probably have heard this lie a lot,' he said solemnly, 'But I am real, Susannah. And I'm not going anywhere. I promise.'

What a ridiculous promise to make.

'But–' I argued, only he silenced me by pulling me flat on my back, kissing me with gentle force. My mind went numb again, and I forgot who, what and where I was. '…Huh?'

'Exactly,' he smiled, victorious. 'Now sleep, _querida_, You're exhausted.'

My brain was too dysfunctional to bicker, so I surrendered to the lulling dark place that unconsciousness offered. All thoughts of death, both painless and violent, were postponed until morning at which point we'd promptly resume our heated debate.

**-F&I-**

**Shorter chapter this time…hopefully still a, um, satisfying one.**

The shower part was supposed to stop at "_But he knew_", although Steph is _extremely_ convincing, so we got a little…carried away with their reunion. Oh well. No one can say they don't deserve it, right?

This is definitely the calm – if you can call it that – before the storm, so get your seatbelts on kiddies, because you're about to fall headlong into a bottomless pit of the shrouded possibility in the realm of Fire and Ice…

The climax – to the _story_, (scowl) – fast approacheth.

And oh my God, I can't believe Fice is about to hit its dirty thirties! Any minute it'll be middle-_aged._ Wow, weird.

**Love,**

**Lolly and Steph.**

**P.S.** Once again…don't forget to visit my **Mediator Writing Competition** in the forums – and kudos to **Esmeralda 01 Loves You** for being the first – hilarious – entrant with her, um, Pokémediator entry to the **Jesse Vs. Paul Challenge. (aka, "Testosterone Poisoning.")**


	30. The Silencing Machine

**REVIEW RESPONSES:**

**bbblfl:**

Lolly/Steph: Oh Char…how we've missed you. We love you, fluffer.

**Enamoured**:

Lolly: I win your soul? Oh, goodie. I always knew the way to your heart was dirty, dirty talk… (It is to mine.)

Steph: And mine as well.

**RADicalMoi:**

[I also can't wait for Paul's reaction to Jesse's release!

Lolly: …HAHAHAHAH! From the Forgotten Plane, I assume you meant… but my mind went elsewhere…

Steph: Mine did two. Like peas in a pod babe, peas in a pod.

**Sunset**:

Lolly: Um, that wasn't Suze's first… "moment of clarity," as Stephanie calls it, lol.

Steph: I've never referred to it as such. I use the grown up words, like, orgasm. But that's just me…

Lolly: Don't lie. Where would I have got something as weird as "moment of clarity" from?! Anyway…that was her second. Suze's, not Steph's. It wasn't made very obvious, but her first one was at the end of Chapter 14, with Paul:

_He sat me down on the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of me sympathetically. 'Don't worry,' he assured me with a smile, 'I'll make you feel better…'  
And after tugging down my pants and underwear, he did.  
I seized a pillow and tried to smother my cries. My skin burned with intense humiliation. My legs pulled his shoulders further against me. I couldn't blame them…they knew what the needed, and they were desperate to escape this painful limbo. He kissed me vigorously, making my body go rock hard for a few mind-massacring moments before everything went completely black.  
The screaming within my body had finally been silenced. I went slack against the mattress._

This one just, um, felt better, because it wasn't with someone she loathed the very core of. I have it on very good authority that _that_ can still happen even in the worst situations…which is quite sad. :(

Steph: Yes, it is. There are actually many rape victims that have orgasmed during attack. It leads to more feelings of guilt and self-blame because they feel all dirty and sick thinking that they enjoyed it.

Lolly: Just so you know Steph, you weren't the good authority.

Steph: (flips Lolly off)

**Heather / did they?:**

Lolly: No. They didn't.

Steph: We're going by the Bill Clinton definition of sex right now.

**Anonymous - or, well…"?":**

Lolly: The Mediator Forums on FFN are found on the main page of Mediator Fanfiction at the top corner by clicking "Forums." If you were talking about the Meg Cabot Mediator Forums, just google "Meg Cabot Message Board" and you should get to them.

Steph: Righteous.

**Melcangel:**

[I'm almost a little scared for the climax (yes, for the story!lol:)) to come

Lolly: An orgasming orgasm! Hehehe. Sounds kinky.

Steph: Where do I get me one of those?

**Flying Geese**:

[I do have some specific praise to dole out. Which is that I love your Jesse. Because the whole "all for her" this everyone else has going is just a little unrealistic even for Jesse, I think we can all agree.

Lolly: Seriously. Steph FORCED me. But I'm glad we did, because of course you're exactly right. I'm just a prude, sigh.

Steph: Yes, yes you are. I'm sorry sweets, but it's been confirmed. I took a poll.

**Esmerelda01 Loves You:**

[Dr Slaski, I LOVE YOU.

Lolly: Dude. I'm right there. He's like, my favourite character. That's…very sad of me, isn't it…?

Steph: Yes. Yes it is.

[And as much as Paul's little death-for-Suzie plan might be horrible and all --- but I feel bound to admire the artistic...display. It's very melodramatic. Very aesthetically appealing, I would say. What, with the contrast of the cream coloured BMW interior and the blood...

Lolly: …Eww.

Steph: As we said in the 80's - gross-a-rama.

**Lawlita**:

[Anyway, I know Paul is all "I'm-a-psycho-stalker-guy-who-kills-everyone-just-to-make-you-want-me" and I have to honestly say that I luurve all evil(er) Paulie and i'd just cry, crumble and die if ever something bad happens to him at the end of this fic

Lolly: (blink)

Steph: I think she's saying, "Go Paul."

Lolly: Can't promise that nothing "bad" will happen, sorry. Especially since ninety eight percent of readers (including the two authoresses,) kinda want it to.

**Arda Silverlace:**

[I thought "Locura!" was a spell before I realized that it was Jesse swearing in Spanish.

Lolly: It means "foolishness." According to Language Tools on google, lol. And by the way, just thought I'd be the Wicked Witch of Context and bring this to light…

[…and Jesse plants his fist in Paul's……what, I wonder? (Straight-faced)

Hehehe. For further JP lovin', see Char's one-shot birthday present for me… oh God.

Steph: And my 'coming soon' (pun intended) one shot about Pesse getting their forbidden love on. (Just kidding)

Lolly: WRITE IT FOR THE JESSE VS. PAUL COMPETITION, YOU CREEP!

**Piealicious**:

[The "do you believe in ghosts" part reminded me of smallville, cause lana asked that with a tear-filled gaze also.  
This chapter mentioned the word "neck", so at the bottom of the screen there are advertisements:  
Lose Neck Fat Fast  
Neck Liposuction No Pain  
What the hell?!?!

Lolly: Firstly, neither of us watch Smallville, so unlike the "he'd better at least have a motorcycle" thing which Steph totally ripped off from Gilmore Girls – HEHEHE! – that was a coincidence! Secondly….NECK LIPOSUCTION?! I'm right there with you – WTF?!

Steph: You know, seriously, ONE LINE and everyone's making a fuss. And I haven't watched Smallville in FOREVER so I can't claim to be ripping off, lol. And you know... Paul is starting to get a little turkey necked... maybe he could benefit from these goods and/or services.

Lolly: Hahahahaha… If they knew how much Buffy we'd ripped off, their hair would curl.

Steph: (SNORT) Egads, you are correct mon petit chu.

Lolly: STOP CALLING ME CABBAGE IN FRENCH.

Steph: (giggles madly)

And on THAT note, Lolly and Steph present **Chapter****Thirty of Fire and Ice**

**EDIT: This has been put up again, since when I was copying it from AIM (where Steph and I write it, lol,) some things didn't copy over…such as when Adam actually shows up. So there was like a page missing from the original version of this chapter – so sorry for the confusion! You know, of Jesse" suddenly turning into "Adam." THIS is what happens when I'm too tired to edit. (sigh)**

-F&I-

It was the most rested, dreamless sleep I could remember having for a long time.

Granted, it was only about four hours, but that didn't matter. Although, the moment the consciousness in the back of my mind began to function, I started wondering if I _had _just been dreaming about Jesse's return the night before. I found a cold dread seeping into me, ruining the serenity that had first deluded me. Had I lost it? Had I just imagined saving him from the Forgotten Plane? It was understandable – I'd been on my last tether, so it was no surprise that I'd gone completely bonkers –

However, the gentle fingers trailing along my chin made me muse over how convincing my _other_ dreams had been. Had I felt that sensation with such clarity before in a dream? How was I so inconceivably warm?

My eyes flickered open slowly, and I smiled.

'You're still here…' I whispered sleepily, my eyes closing again, content.

Lips touched to mine, kissing with a sweetness so bitter, so _lovely_, that I wanted to cry. 'Yes, _mi querida_… I haven't left you. Even if I wanted or needed to…I couldn't have.'

His fingers paused in their effortless dance across the skin of my face, and I pouted with a tired little grumble. He chuckled and continued. I wriggled even closer to him, my arms wrapped around his form tightly as if denying him permission to ever leave again. His fingers wandered to my back, tracing patterns across my shoulder blades that made me shiver.

'I've been staring at you all night,' he told me, his voice tranquil. 'I don't think I still believe I'm here, after all this time…'

My steady breath against his collar bone faltered guiltily. 'I'm sorry I left you there so long…if I'd been a better shifter, I would have known before now how to–'

Appalled at the thought of me blaming myself, Jesse pulled me tighter and shushed me, clicking his tongue in disapproval. My body reacted very receptively to his form moulded to mine – every nerve seemed to tingle happily.

He was really back…

'We'll have none of that...' he growled, before rolling on top of me so suddenly that my eyes sparked with the abrupt desire to be fully awake. He smiled down at me, his hands either side of my head and one of his knees in between mine. I flushed crimson in pleasure as dipped his head low, kissing me softly. My fingernails dragged lingeringly up his chest and I felt him shudder.

'I'm just glad,' he muttered in a tone that made him sound a little drunk, which pleased me to no end that I was so intoxicating, 'That I can finally know for sure that you're not some concoction sent to drive me insane. Because those lies are nothing like my real Susannah... Unlike them, you make me feel...different. You give me a spark of life I never thought I'd have again...'

I blinked a little sadly. Would a spark be enough for him? For…us?

'Susannah,' he said. 'Look at me.'

I returned my gaze to his, my lips quirked strangely. More disapproval flooded his face, and his mouth again collided softly with mine. 'Oh, _querida_...I did not mean to make you upset...'

'I know,' I sniffled, turning my head a little to wipe my eyes, and the beginnings of a runny nose. 'Sorry, just that last little thing...'

His lips lowered more until they were skimming my neck. I withdrew a sharp breath. 'What last little thing?' he asked me.

Flatly, I replied, 'I don't remember.'

He chuckled, before settling back down on his side, pulling me close to him and letting his warm breath tickle my cheek. 'Of course you don't… Now, it's only seven thirty, _querida_. Go back to sleep.'

'So bossy…' I yawned, resting my face against his neck.

I must have drifted again, but it seemed like only seconds later when my cell phone was screaming on my bedside. I groaned, tugging the pillow over my head, griping, 'Go _away_…'

Jesse laughed. 'Never the morning person,' he commented lightly. 'Your friend Robbie seems to be on the line, Susannah.'

I tried really hard to keep the crankiness out of my voice when I answered. 'H-hello?'

'Hey, Suze,' Robbie said anxiously, sensing my too-casual voice. 'D-did I wake you up?'

My reply was an incoherent grumble, so he persevered with caution. Something in his voice caught my attention, though. 'Er – I…I dunno how to really say this…'

I sat up straight away; Jesse did also, watching me alertly. His fingers slid into mine.

'What is it, Robbie?'

There was a sad sigh. 'Um…CeeCee won't wake up…'

My hand suddenly was gripping Jesse's so hard that he tensed. '_What_?' I demanded hysterically. 'What do you mean? Is she just sleeping? Can't someone–'

'Her vitals are all wrong,' Robbie went on. 'They've tried to get her awake, but she's not really responding to anything. They said that it was only a matter of time before this happened, since she was supposed to have died like, four degrees ago–'

The cell phone slipped from my fingers, which had suddenly gone numb. I tried to grab it again, but they refused to curl around the device enough to hold it. I just started breathing hard. Jesse, sensing a disturbance in the force, grabbed the phone and held it to my ear, holding my hand hard.

'What's _wrong,_ though?' I half-shouted. 'Robbie? Are you there?'

'I-I'm here,' he said, his voice strangled. He was crying. My panic had upset him. 'I don't know – the doctors don't really understand anything, because nothing she's going through is normal–'

Urgent tears fell from my eyes. I'd thought she'd be okay. I mean, I knew Paul was screwing with her, but I thought he wanted her awake, and in pain – but not on the brink of _death_. I thought he only wanted to scare the hell out of me, not _kill her_.

She couldn't die.

Robbie's crying became more apparent. 'I'm s-sorry,' he sobbed. 'I wish I didn't have to tell you, b-but when Callie called, I f-figured you'd want t-to know about–'

Jesse's arms went around me tautly, pulling me back against his chest. I just stared, with stinging, wide eyes as Robbie cried.

'Oh my God,' I breathed. 'She's really going to die, isn't she…'

'N-no!' he suddenly yelled. 'She's NOT. They're going to figure out what's making her–'

Water slid down my face quickly. 'She's not just sick, Robbie. She's cursed.'

This struck a major cord with the kid. He stopped weeping completely, hardness in his voice all of a sudden. '_Paul_…' he concluded, furious.

My lids fell closed and more tears were forced from my eyes.

'Suze,' he said, determined and desperate. 'I need to help you. I need to do something – _anything_. Let me–'

My determination and desperation crushed his. 'Don't even _think _about it!' I snarled. Vivid memories of my sometimes-prophetic dream swam behind my eyes, of him trying to be a hero…but failing… he couldn't handle this. He'd be _annihilated_. 'You stay away from me, Robbie Gallagher! Do you hear me? Look what I'm _doing _to people? Do you want to be in a hospital bed next to CeeCee's? Because that's damned well where you're going to end up if you even _think _about getting involved in this. I can't lose you too!'

'But I don't want to lose _you_!' he argued.

He was emotionally charged. I realised with a pang that he wouldn't back down unless I hurt him.

So I did.

'What could _you_ do?' I demanded of him, allowing snideness to enter my tone. 'Paul can do things that your stupid little comic books haven't even _discovered _yet, Robbie. And he'd swat you away in an instant. So take off your little Batman costume and sit tight at home like a good boy. This is way bigger than you – which isn't hard, since you're like, four feet.'

A nasty silence met my words, slicing at my heart.

'…I was just trying to help,' he said quietly.

'Well, don't.'

'I'm sorry about CeeCee…' he mumbled, before hanging up.

And I sagged against Jesse, crying.

'I can't believe I _said_ that to him,' I winced. 'He sounded so upset…'

'You had to,' Jesse replied, his arms holding me tightly. He kissed my neck. 'You had to, to keep him alive. He'll understand when this is all over…'

That comment left me stupefied. How _was _this going to end? If I ended up dead, Robbie was _not _going to understand. He'd hate me for not letting him help. He'd miss me like hell.

…But at least I wouldn't have dragged someone else down with me, unlike CeeCee and Father Dominic who had not remained immune.

I took a deep breath at that thought. Jesse and I still had no idea where Father Dom was, since his body was currently vacant. I brought this to his attention, and he frowned.

'Maybe I should call Lily, to see if she's found him yet,' I suggested. Upon his agreement, I concentrated on her and called her name across the astral plane repeatedly, waiting for her to reply.

But reply she did not.

Five minutes had passed before I started getting worried. Why hadn't she come?

Jesse frowned at me. 'Perhaps she does not wish to be disturbed, Susannah. From what you described yesterday, she was quite upset.' He talked very formally until I realised with a blink of surprise that he'd never met Lily before. He only knew her by name; his counterpart, the ghost he did not want to become, forgotten by her old lover and left to mourn him in his old age...

The word "Disturbed" made me falter as I remembered my dream. It was hazy...I remembered Father Dominic and Lily had been alone...and she said that I couldn't forget to -

And then, the memory was gone.

I didn't understand. I knew the answer was somewhere in that stupid vague dream, but I was too stupid to realise what it was. What did it mean? Were they in danger? Wherever Father Dominic was, was Lily with him? Paul had admitted that even he didn't know where the priest was, which was my only comfort - I could certainly rule out the Forgotten Plane, or any other torturous dimension he may have been pitched into...

But - I just didn't know what to do now...

'Lily?!' I yelled again, moving over to my window, looking frantically around to catch her in sight. But there were no showers of blue light. She really wasn't hearing me.

...She couldn't have moved on. Not when there was so much keeping her here -

'Susannah, calm down,' Jesse said firmly, taking my shoulders in his hands and looking me dead in the eye. With effort, I focused on him again and took a massive breath. 'Where did she go?' I grilled. 'And Father Dominic? They can't have just _disappeared_ - '

'We can't worry about that right now,' he said gently.

'WE HAVE TO WORRY - '

His stern look cut me off, and I sighed. 'I'm just scared,' I mumbled. 'What if Gabriel's gotten to them or something? It was all I could do to keep Robbie out of this mess...but that doesn't mean I'm too fond of the people who are already involved getting snatched away and smooshed - '

He held me consolingly, and strangely enough, I did start to relax a bit. A wave of emotion hit me, reminding me of how the thought of serenity had once been a myth in these troubled times. But now Jesse was here... I could find myself again.

'Susannah, when was the last time you've eaten?' he asked.

I shrugged, not really caring.

With a sigh, he said, 'Come now, let's go get you some breakfast…' I would have liked to protest – staying in bed with his arms around me was certainly my preference; however, I had been looking a bit on the thin side. And not in the good way. I didn't want my mother to start noticing, or God help me.

So that was why a few minutes later, Jesse was waiting patiently by the toaster, staring at it curiously after I'd whispered instructions to him - since he insisted that he make me food. He then opened the fridge with that whacky mind thing he was so good at, levitating the strawberry jam onto the counter, followed by a knife from the cutlery drawer. I gave him a little golf clap with a half-smile as he went to work with his buttering. Well, up until the point where Mom walked in and he let the knife clatter loudly to the floor.

I sat up straighter, launching myself to the floor to scoop it up. 'Oh, Suze, you're up,' she said, sounding a little flustered. 'I didn't realise. Go back to bed, sweetie, you look a little - ' She stopped, her voice dipping into ultra-concern-mode. 'You've been crying?'

She said it as a question, but it was more of a statement. I rubbed my eyes again, and shrugged. 'Um. Not really, I just - well, yeah, a little...'

She came over and gave me a very maternal hug, cradling my head against her neck. I sighed as Jesse turned away, trying to give us a little privacy without actually leaving my side.

'Baby, what's wrong?' she asked me, holding my face. 'Is it that Paul? Has he contacted you?'

Skipping over _Suze's Fun Adventures With Chloroform_, I spluttered, 'No - no, it's not that...just...well, you know how CeeCee was in that accident? She's...she's not waking up at the moment, and I guess I'm just really scared for her...'

Sympathy shunted the concern off of her face, and her eyes closed sadly. 'Oh, Susie...that's awful... Her poor mother must be in _hell_ right now…'

I sniffed, the back of my throat starting to burn again. 'Uh...can I just eat now? I'm kind of...hungry - '

She let go of me like I was on fire, shoving the flawlessly spread jam toast to me. 'Oh, _goodness_, yes. Eat. You have been looking a bit peaky lately...'

'Thanks, Mom.'

She stared at me for a moment more, before deciding that I wanted to be alone. I heard her feet flying back up the stairs, at which point I turned back to Jesse, more sadness on my face. I'd wanted so badly to share with my mother the little good news I did have...that my life wasn't as empty suddenly; that Jesse was back. But I couldn't, because I was right back where I started with him. Even if I had mentioned him to my mother before, from here on out he'd still have to be my secret.

Could we live like that?

Then I remembered...it wasn't going to matter anyway. Between Gabriel and Paul, there was little to no chance that I'd get through this alive.

This only tugged at my heart more. God...what would that do to Mom?

Jesse was right. I needed to try harder to survive this. I owed it to my mother, at the very least. I couldn't die.

At that point, there was a harsh knock on the door. I frowned – we had a perfectly good doorbell right there. What was the problem with using that?

However, upon finally putting down my half-eaten second slice of toast and getting up to answer it, I felt my heart freeze over at the sight of the person standing there.

It was Adam McTavish…but it was nothing _like_ him. He just stared at my doorframe with eyes encrusted with death. They were red and puffy, but drained dry. He was lost, just staring to the side…

I didn't say anything either. I just slid my arms around him and held him sadly.

'You know?' he choked.

'Yeah,' I replied. 'Robbie called this morning. Heard from Callie.'

Every part of my being was hoping for the "So...Robbie's tapping the mini-Webb, is he?" joke that would have typically come spilling comically from his lips. But he said nothing. It made my soul cringe as if I were a child who'd just been told that all the magical things I'd placed so much faith in...were a big fat lie.

The party was over. The clown was dead.

He pulled back, staring at my doorframe intently. 'Drive with me.'

'Of course,' I said in an instant. Before I knew it, I felt Jesse's hand sliding in mine. 'Do you wish to be alone?' he asked gently. 'I'll understand, of course. Adam needs you, _querida_.'

I sighed, torn, but finally nodded. He kissed me on the temple and dematerialised.

I went to touch Adam on the shoulder, but he'd moved too suddenly for me to reach him. I couldn't be sure whether this avoidance was intentional or not, but either way I kept my distance just in case he wanted a little space. I followed him carefully to his Bug which was parked next to mine, and passed him a smile which he struggled to return, but failed.

'Do you want me to drive...?' I asked him, noticing he was in a very bad way, but he shook his head pretty firmly.

'Nah. Need something to do with my hands.'

Once again, such a statement would have prompted a fabulous jerking-off joke from him usually. I almost mourned its absence. It was eerie, this new Adam McTavish...

I slid in the passenger seat, clutching my own hands anxiously now that my awareness of them had been heightened. He landed with a thud in the driver's side, staring ahead for a moment before he remembered that the car would not start until there was a key in the ignition. He hastily rectified this, twisting it quickly and backing out without even checking behind him. There was nothing there, but that just made me worried for his future driving. I knew he was usually pretty safe on the road, but that was before the girl he not-so-secretly loved had refused to wake up...

He drove faster than necessary, staring straight ahead and blinking unusually often. I saw his Adam's apple bop in an unnatural way - at which I grinned a little, noticing that I was talking about Adam's Adam's apple... If my mind had been any saner, I would have been more perceptive to the fact that he was struggling not to cry in front of me again.

When I finally did notice, I'd turned away too late. He'd known I'd seen. But for some reason...I don't think he was embarrassed. I think he was just passed caring about what anyone thought of him right now. There were more important things.

CeeCee, our best friend.

Who was dying.

I cleared my throat a little, and asked him if he wanted music. He told me he didn't care; whatever I preferred. I opted to turn the radio on to ease the melancholy silence. On the first station was The Fray's "_How To Save a Life_," which I did not think was appropriate at all. I switched it over quickly. On the next station was a song I didn't recognise, but Adam's hand made a jerky movement towards mine when I went to change it again. 'No, leave it - I like this one...'

I forced a smile. 'Oh, cool. What is it?'

The song sounded older with a steady, bell-like sound to it. Adam replied, '"_Rhiannon_", by...Fleetwood Mac, I think.' A woman's voice started singing in a slurred, husky voice. I couldn't understand some of the words she said, but Adam was mouthing them softly to himself, sufficiently distracted.

The woman crooned.

_'Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?'_

My hand slid to his arm, and my thumb rubbed it soothingly. His face twitched a little, but he didn't shake me off or comment, so I left it there. The song went on in the background.

_'And then she is the darkness...'_

I sighed. 'I know you're not…but are you okay?' I asked him. 'Do you want to talk?'

He shook his head, still driving.

We just kept listening to the song. Soon, it had ended and another had come on – Mika's "_Happy Ending_." I wanted to change it, but I was sick of trying to dodge the situation. We both knew what was happening. A sad song wasn't going to make things worse, nor would a happier option fix a single damned thing.

And then, we were on Seventeen Mile Drive. He accelerated well beyond the limit, zooming down the highway carelessly.

'_Happy endings gone forever more…'_

'Stupid depressing song,' I ranted. 'I thought he was supposed to do all that peppy upbeat stuff. What the hell happened to this one? I mean, God. Way to be annoyingly versatile.'

Finally, Adam cracked a little smile. 'Hear hear,' he replied, finally slowing down a bit. By the end of the song, he'd pulled turned around the hairpin curve, honking as he did. And then we were both at Big Sur.

Something niggled in my mind, but I couldn't remember. I didn't have time to worry about anything else. I just turned to Adam sadly.

'You said she was going to be okay,' he told me softly, not looking at me. I swallowed a large, prickly lump in my throat. There was no accusation in his voice…just disappointment. Like he'd woken up from the perfect dream, only to discover that the reality was not as wonderful as his subconscious had led him to believe.

'I just don't know…' I whispered honestly. More and more guilt rushed in at me as I realised that I did have the power to stop all of this… but I just didn't know how. What would it take to make CeeCee okay? The only thing that Paul wanted was me…or, to kill me, at least. And while I'd give my life for CeeCee's in a heartbeat, I couldn't just rush into something like that yet, since another threat breathed down my neck.

Just…seeing Adam's pain was absolute horror. Never had I imagined such empty eyes on that of a living, breathing boy. It was like I was looking at a badly painted portrait of Adam McTavish. Sure, the features had been depicted to perfection – but there was no life in his face. He was static and distorted and just _wrong_. Almost unrecognisable in his grief.

It was barely midday, so the Point was empty – all the serious couples came much later, like when the sun was setting. I resented the shining, bright day in its inappropriate sunniness. Why couldn't the weather understand what had happened, and pay its respects? Did it not realise our state of mental purgatory? The happy rays were a cruel mockery, a shoddy pretence…making the world think that everything was just dandy.

I _begged_ for rain.

Stupid California.

Adam seemed to have no interest in talking. I began to wonder if he really wanted me here at all. He was so quiet, staring ahead at the calm ocean off the lookout point with vacant eyes. He wanted us to sit here in our fear, for us to wait for news about her situation together. I didn't know if I could handle that – especially when I may or may not have had some responsibility in her predicament. Music played on, weaving an imaginary world sinuously in our minds.

CeeCee was really going to die.

And I couldn't save her.

My jaw clenched very hard as this thought passed through my head like thunderclaps. And then, I understood his silent spell – how he was so incapable of saying even the slightest word. Anything from my lips would have sent me over the edge.

I didn't know how long our wordless existence had went on, but with a defeated sigh, I turned to look at him.

…And my brows puckered in confusion.

Adam was staring ahead, stock-still. I couldn't even sense any motion in his breathing.

'Hey,' I said. 'Breathe. I hear oxygen's kind of a necessity these days–'

His watch had stopped at 12:59:_59_…

I kept staring it, waiting for the 1:00:_00_ to proudly proclaim itself. Ten seconds had passed in my own mind before I realised that this phenomenon was not going to occur. Adam's watch had stopped. And so had he.

My jaw clenched in anxiety, and I seized his arm, shaking it madly – but he simply wouldn't move. He'd turned to concrete, unyielding and rigid. 'Adam!' I yelled. Panic swarmed me like a plague of locust, gnawing at me from within until I was an empty cavity. I slapped him across the face, but that also failed to bring about a reaction, or any movement at all.

But the radio played on. Air Supply's "_All Out of Love_" crooned dejectedly from his car speakers. I started breathing hard. Something was very wrong.

And when my gaze flickered to the little mirror above me, the reason for my terror was – and always would be – Paul Slater. His pale eyes glittered at me from the backseat.

'Nifty trick, right?' he grinned.

My frenzied hands dashed to the door handle faster than I gave myself credit for – but unfortunately, I already knew that Paul's speed wasn't to be reckoned with; his balled fists whipped either side of my head, bringing with them what looked like a belt which he pulled taut around my neck. I spluttered in fright, unable to communicate any scream or choice words that my mind was roaring furiously. I clawed at the leather strap, desperately trying to pull it away from my throat, kicking violently in the car seat. My eyeballs wanted to burst from the pressure.

His lips were suddenly beside my ear, and he whispered in what he had crafted to be a reassuring way, 'Don't worry… I wouldn't kill you like this. Just didn't want you getting away. Now stop struggling. This can be as easy or as hard as you make it.'

And the moment I forced my livid body to slacken, the belt loosened from around my neck. I sat almost as still as Adam McTavish beside me, frozen in time. Paul smirked against my earlobe, pleased with my submission.

'Very good, Susie,' he said approvingly.

'Don't call me Susie,' I spat – my automatic response to that name, but somehow there was more intensity in my irritation. That name was for my mother only. He couldn't pollute it. He'd already tried to ruin us… he wouldn't get close to succeeding this time.

He chuckled softly. 'Of all the things to be worried about,' he marvelled musingly, his fists still tight on the strap at my neck.

This was it.

Paul had come here, to Big Sur, as per his dream…to murder me. He was finally ready to let me die.

However, I'd only just decided that I simply wouldn't allow it.

So I did all I could to escape the situation; I, in the words of Dr. Slaski, "_dematerialised the bloomin' hell out of there!"_

Only, I should have known that Paul would have anticipated such predictability on my part, because as I felt myself instantly fade from my car seat with the beginnings of another location on my mind, his hands clamped down hard on my shoulders and with a sickening lurch, I was pulled back down – we fell from midair and rolled on the dusty red ground just outside Adam's car, which was as far as I'd gotten before he'd impeded my breakout.

I yelped shrilly, shoving him off and scrambling to my knees. Rocks dug at my skin and the sand caused a horrible grating friction beneath my hands as I crawled to my feet, my heart whirring faster than a hummingbird and my lungs closing off in fatigue, leaving me devoid of air in my fear –

'Now, Suze–' he grunted, and his arms snaked rapidly around my waist. I kicked against air, scratching at his hands desperately and yelling for help.

'NO!' I screamed, wild with dread. I couldn't die – I wasn't ready to just –

But then he'd slammed me on the hood of Adam's car. My skull cracked violently on the windscreen, causing a large crack to meander immediately from the point of collision. I saw stars and they danced before my eyes as I tasted blood in my mouth. It was metallic and thick at the back of my throat, making me cough. Dazed from the blow, I tried sitting up with swimming vision and a rocketing pain in my cranium, but Paul's hands firmly pressed my shoulders back down against the metal hood. I blinked groggily until my vision finally sharpened. He was grinning over me. His eyes were manic…possessed.

He was excited.

'I've been waiting for this for weeks…' he drawled, baring his teeth. 'Of course…I never pictured it happening on the hood of McTavish's sad excuse for a guy's car, but this setting is as good as any. Long as I get the job done, I s'pose.'

He paused, frowning. 'Although…it does seem a little disappointing, doesn't it? Middle of the day, birds chirping in the sky… even if there _is_ no one to hear you scream – something you'll be doing very shortly – the mood isn't exactly one of your impending death, is it?'

'Then maybe you got the wrong day–' I tried to weakly suggest, but he barked with laughter, leaning down further over me.

'Oh, Suze…always trying to worm your way out…' he reflected pleasantly. He pushed himself so he was standing in between my legs, which were dangling off of the slow curve of the hood. I whimpered, trying to shove him away, but he caught my wrists in his hands, pressing them against the windscreen securely. He bit his lower lip in thought. 'Any suggestions on how to set the mood a little better?'

I started at him like he was… No, wait. He _was_ insane.

'Aha!' he grinned, releasing one of my wrists to thumb his chin in thought. 'Music. Always gets things more atmospheric…'

And with a simple narrowing of his eyes, the current song on Adam's radio blasted loudly out the open windows. It was fast and loud and angry.

'_I am the voice inside your head…I am the lover in your bed.'_

Satisfied, Paul sank his hand into his deep jacket pocket.

'And so,' he smiled softly down at me, 'I guess it's time.'

'_I am the hate you try to hide…'_

He withdrew his precious gun, bringing it up to his eyelevel to examine it almost lovingly. It was his salvation, after all – his deliverance from having to execute me in a manner that would…how did he put it? Oh yeah. "Only upset him."

Clicking his tongue, he cocked the gun. The sound echoed emptily in my ears, making me thrash wildly beneath him; this action merited a hard cuff of his knuckles against my lip. I felt the skin burst beneath his fist, which was smeared with my blood. Another violent wave of nausea coursed hotly through me.

'_I am the prayers of the naïve…I am the lie that you believe…'_

'What I've been trying to decide though,' he frowned in distress as he rubbed his knuckle over his pants, wiping the blood away so it stained the denim, '…is _where_ to shoot you. I mean,' he tilted his head to gaze down at me imploringly, brushing my cheek with a reverent finger, whilst using his other hand to aim the gun between my eyes again, 'I can't ruin that sweet face of yours… I don't want that to be the last thing I see of you, Suze.'

'Th-then _don't k-kill m_–'

He sighed, ignoring me. The barrel glinted sinisterly before my vision. Pain seared through my head, which was thudding dully from the recent injury. Lowering the aim of his gun, he came to direct it right over my heart.

'_I am the needle in your veins…I am the high you can't sustain….'_

'Of course, the next best option is here,' he explained. 'But seriously. I'd never do something as…_sacrilegious_, as shoot at _these_ things,' he raised his eyebrows and lowered his gaze meaningfully. I flushed. 'So…the chest option has also been scratched. Which, of course, leads me to the only thing that would kill you quickly – something we both want, I'm sure – and would still be aesthetically pleasing, should your mother ever find you. I don't want to _traumatise_ the woman,' he added with a mockery of compassion.

'Paul,' I tried, oh so hard. My voice shook all over the place, like a was holding a full glass of water with a Parkinson's diseased hand. '…_Don't._'

Since my argument hadn't exactly snagged at his conscience, he once again opted to ignore me.

'_I am the bullet in the gun…'_

'So,' he proceeded, his free hand coming to grab my jaw with more force than I saw necessary, pressing the palm of his other occupied hand against my forehead. He then yanked my chin down, forcing my mouth open.

Naturally, I started thrashing in horror. He was going to shoot me in the mouth. Oh my God. I wouldn't even be able to blink before that bullet had severed the base of my spinal cord. I'd choke on my own blood, since it would have blown straight through my windpipe. I'd die in seconds. Or would it take longer?

'_I am the truth from which you run…'_

I tried to yell his name, but I he'd jammed my jaw open so much I couldn't get syllables. I tried to shut my mouth - tried to bite his fingers, scratch his face, call on that useless shifter power to get him away from me, to save my life, but my head was in too much pain. It wanted to explode; so much pressure had built up in my skull that I could barely think straight.

'_I am the silencing machine…'_

And then, he'd shoved the end of the gun past my lips. I screamed a cry of defeat against it, going suddenly still. If I jolted his hand, and he accidentally pulled the trigger too soon...

He sighed, looking disappointed. Holding my hands down, he muttered boredly, 'Come on, Suze. Stop crying. I suppose it'd be in bad taste to advise you to "_suck it up_"?' His grin went wry, as he leant down over me, his face inches from mine. 'I wonder...will you come back as a ghost...? Because if so, I may just have to eat my own words.' His nose grazed my cheek affectionately, before he breathed hotly against my temple, 'I wouldn't mind _you_ haunting me at _all_.'

'_I am the end of all your dreams…_'

'_And I control you.'_

I screwed my eyes shut. The barrel was still cold, but was fast heating up against the roof of my mouth. I could barely get any air, nearly choking on it. I still refused to jerk away, terrified I'd cause him to fire reactively.

'Let me keep you,' he hissed seductively. 'There's nothing else for you, Suze. I'm all you've _got_…'

Angrily, my eyes snapped open. I couldn't speak and wouldn't embarrass myself trying. But my look said it all.

He groaned, realising what my fierce eyes were trying to communicate. 'Of course...you're still waiting for him, aren't you? Look around, Suze. Do you see him coming to save you?' He smirked. 'Didn't think so. Now, in all seriousness... don't take a little thing like me killing you too personally. You know I have to. Doesn't mean I don't still love you.'

And with that, his finger tensed over the trigger...

I heard the shot fired, but couldn't feel a thing. Fear is the most powerful paralysis, after all. For a second, I thought I was already dead.

But then, the memory that existed before the gunshot trickled in, as I distinctly remembered the barrel being ripped from my throat.

Not to mention, the roar of utter rage that had sounded.

Faintly, I slid from the car hood onto the ground below, holding my head.

And before me, Jesse was finally getting his wish...saving me. Just as I'd saved him. He had been here for me, despite what Paul had wanted me to believe in my last moments of life.

Paul had pushed Jesse away, an expression of disgusted disbelief mangling his face. 'What the - ' he exclaimed, incredulous. 'No _way_. You did _not_ get out of - there wasn't any way out! I made sure of it! You _couldn't_ - '

'And _you_,' Jesse scowled, 'Need to keep a closer eye on your keys.'

At which point he started beating the wits out of Paul.

My eyes landed about ten feet away from where Jesse had pinned Paul down and was punching him repeatedly, roaring in livid Spanish...

...To the cold glint of Paul's handgun.

Careful not to move too quickly so as to send my head into painful hysterics again - I already feared feeling the back of it, knowing that there was some definite blood-work going on back there - I crept slowly over to it, biting down the nauseous feeling that made me want to roll over and black out.

Four feet to go, Suze...

But then, the gun materialised away from me, ending up in Paul's hands, aimed at me.

'Get the _hell_ off of me,' he spat at Jesse, 'Or I put another hole in your girlfriend.'

Startled and suddenly ashen, Jesse shakily let him go, scrambling to stand in front of me. Paul just laughed. 'Oh, please... De Silva, I'm terribly sorry to interrupt the serious denial you two live in - but you are DEAD. This bullet will go straight through you and hit her faster than you can _blink_. Now, be a friend; just budge over a little so I can have a better shot...'

Jesse growled a Spanish word so dangerously that even I flinched.

'You will not,' he snarled, _'touch_ her.'

'No,' Paul agreed cheerfully. 'But my bullet will.'

From behind him, I saw Jesse's shoulders tense like mad; his neck stiffened, and his knuckles tightened so hard I feared his knuckles would break past the strained skin. His rage was palpable.

'While we're on that subject,' Paul went on in a conversational vein, taking another step towards us, 'How does that feel to know that I...beat you to it, so to speak?' His face darkened into a disturbing, evil smile. 'You won't have to worry about getting that far now, since she's not going to be around for much longer, but hypothetically... if you ever had gotten the chance, wouldn't it have just _torn you up_, knowing I had her first...?'

Supported heavily by Jesse, I stood up, holding him from behind. 'I'm sorry...' I whispered to him. I hated that Paul's words were the truth. I hated Jesse knowing that I'd just...let it happen.

'Knowing,' Paul continued in a drawl, 'that I know what she _tastes_ like?'

He kept his eyes locked with Jesse, whose arms were getting harder beneath my fingers by the second. He was so angry. I didn't even realise shame this potent could exist.

Paul was trying to provoke Jesse into lunging at him or something, to get him away from me. I knew it, and so did Jesse. Because I think Paul knew just as we did that Jesse could very easily _redirect_ that bullet, with enough concentration...

However, if he was blind with rage - a state Paul had him fast approaching - he was more likely to make mistakes.

In a cautiously even voice which failed to hide the deep-rooted fury boiling within, Jesse said, 'I may not be the one to kill you Slater. But when it happens... I will be there.'

Paul scoffed, and slackened his grip on the gun to twirl it around his fingers. 'Well, it's a good thing I don't plan to die for a very - '

Jesse had launched faster than both Paul and I could have predicted - within moments, Jesse had right-hooked him so hard that blood flew out of Paul's mouth as he was sent flying sideways. And then they were both wrestling for the gun on the ground, kicking and swearing. At one point, Paul had it in his grasp and was laughing like a maniac...right before Jesse grabbed his wrist with both hands...and bent in it opposite directions.

That snap made my stomach drop like a stone, as did Paul's subsequent howls of agony.

'You _FUCK_!' he roared, emitting a gravelly shout as he yanked his now very broken wrist again from a wrathful Jesse. I stumbled back in shock. I didn't feel sorry for him, but...I couldn't _imagine_ how much that would have hurt.

Oh _wait_.

Paul unleashed a demon guy on me, who _crucified_ me.

I may have had an inkling.

In hindsight, perhaps snapping Paul's wrist wasn't the best option in Jesse's smooth operation – rendering him unconscious would have probably been a better idea, because suddenly, eight rounds had been rapidly fired.

You know how things tend to slow down when something bad is happening? Well…this phenomenon occurred at that point. I saw the bullet coming in slow motion, right at my eyes.

That's when I thought – a thought I had _time_ to think – bullets don't come in slow motion.

And they certainly don't come to a complete stop, five inches before penetrating your skull.

Staring at it almost cross-eyed, I started breathing even harder. Jesse and Paul had frozen, mid-wrestle, Jesse's face just beginning to turn my way in blank horror.

Just as Paul had achieved before, time had stopped.

However, whatever was responsible for _this_ one was a lot more powerful. Before, only Adam had been affected. Now…everything was. Adam's car radio no longer blasted; even a bird who'd taken off in alarm from a tree nearby hung suspended in the air, completely motionless.

With a sudden yelp of horror, I stumbled out of the way of the rogue bullet which was directed at me. If time suddenly began again, I did not want to be in that position when it did.

…Paul hadn't caused this. But then, who had?

Promptly answering my question was a lazy murmur. 'Ah, _Virva_… always getting yourself into trouble, aren't you?'

I was about to spin around, but this proved unnecessary, as Gabriel appeared right before me in a swirl of black mist. He stood at his full height, intimidating me to no end. I glowered angrily.

'What are you doing?' I demanded.

His brow rose delicately. 'Well…pardon _me_ for saving your _life_… Gratitude is always the time-honoured response in this situation for you mortals, I've heard.'

Swallowing nervously, I realised he was right. I'd almost had a bullet buried deeply in my frontal lobe. I was in _no_ position to be catty.

And yet…I wasn't going to pretend we were best buddies, either. He had, to my knowledge, flawlessly tricked Paul into getting CeeCee and Father Dominic off his back, after all.

'Thank you, then,' I said in the coldest voice I could muster, effectively communicating that we were totally not okay. He got the message, and smiled in response, expecting this. His black eyes looked even darker in the sunlight for some reason. I'd only ever seen him in darkness, where I'd almost hoped that it was just a trick of the light – lack thereof - that rendered his eyes utterly pitch. It wasn't. They were as black as _night_, in every sense.

Slowly turning a graceful face towards his frozen scene, his grin widened. 'So…the boy had hoped to kill you then, had he?'

I nodded awkwardly.

He looked back at me and said, completely carelessly, 'Just as you had hoped to kill me.'

Faltering, I rushed to deny this, but he just sighed. 'Do not lie, _Virva_. It will only insult me.'

My face hardened, and I shoved my hands on my hips. 'Fine,' I grumbled. '…Maybe I did have such a hope, in the near future. _Maybe_. But that's only if you keep threatening to off my friends.'

'I actually wanted to discuss this with you,' he inclined his head, regarding me with another of his sinister, idle grins. 'If you had a moment to do so, I would be…_eternally _grateful.' He paused, chuckling at some private little joke.

I narrowed my eyes. 'I'm a little busy,' I replied rudely.

Tossing his head arrogantly, he laughed. 'Ah, yes. Of course. How dare I interrupt your execution? Well, I really ought to return you to the precise arrangement I discovered you–'

And my body was unwillingly being forced to resume the position right before the bullet -

'NO!' I protested, my heart leaping.

'So, we understand each other,' he said in a statement form, even though he'd intended it as a question – one he already knew the answer to.

'But–' I said quickly. 'When I'm gone, what if Paul does something to Jesse–'

He sighed, bordering impatience. 'Your ghost will be undetectable to the boy after we leave. Does this satisfy you?'

…As long as Jesse would be safe. That was all I cared about.

'You're sure Paul won't be able to get to him? Shifter-y or otherwise?'

He sighed. 'You have my word. Now. May we have our…discussion?'

Defeatedly, I nodded in accord.

With another amused chuckle, he swiped at the bullet; it disappeared entirely. Then he boredly waved his hand once more, and the scene resumed – Jesse's slews of Spanish pierced my ears as Paul swore violently up at him.

Gabriel gently cleared his throat, and the two men went still, looking at him in shock.

'Sorry to disrupt this rather _childish _display,' he said lazily, rolling his eyes, 'But I have business with your Susannah, boy. And frankly… I can't allow you to _kill_ her just yet… Or, well… ever,' he added as an afterthought.

Paul and Jesse climbed to their feet; Jesse's face confused, Paul's like _thunder_.

'What?' he hissed. 'What are you _talking_ about? Get away from her! I told you I didn't need you anymore! You're not _allowed_ to get involved in this!'

Gabriel's fingers suddenly came to my shoulder, holding it like a vice. I flinched, but did not pull away. I couldn't.

'Ironically, it is I who does not need _you_ anymore, boy. You helped me discover something rather…unique, and for that I thank you. But to think you were going to let it go to waste on something so foolish as a game between Light and Dark? _Her_?' he cast me a scandalised look. 'I simply couldn't allow this…'

'Susannah, get away from him.'

Jesse, clicking pretty quickly that is was the guy I'd been wanting to skewer with a big shiny sword, got almost as furious as Paul. He was glaring at Gabriel pretty fiercely, vigilant and cold.

Looking away from him guiltily, I said in a small voice, '…I can't.'

'Suze!' Paul snapped in a high voice. 'Don't you DARE go with him! Do you hear? He - '

'_That's_ your sales pitch?' I scowled crossly. 'Because he won't let you kill me? Wow. _Really_ convinced me to stay, that did.'

'Susannah, please…' Jesse begged, his voice bordering on hysteria. I couldn't respond to him with the same insolence as I had with Paul, which made it harder.

My gaze returned to my hands. I couldn't look him in the eye…

Gabriel smirked triumphantly. 'Don't worry yourself, ghost. I will not harm her.'

And as we were already halfway through fading from existence, he affixed, '…Unless necessary.'

Wait, _what_?

What happened to just discussing???

…I'd just made a _big_ mistake.

Again.

-F&I-

**Please review.**


	31. Dark and Light

Travelling with the Corrupter was a lot more debilitating than materlialisation. Afterward, I felt dizzy and ill, so much so that I couldn't see when I opened my eyes. Fearing I'd fall, I reached for something around me to support myself until my vision came back. My fingers desperately flickered until they found something cold, solid and rough. I leant on it heavily, breathing.

'You're all right,' his silky voice assured me, not finding it necessary to gather my opinion.

I blinked, and finally sight returned through a starry black haze. I glared at him.

Beneath my hands, I saw what was unmistakably a seat of some kind. It was made of grey stone, and didn't look very comfortable to sit on. Around me, I noted with some alarm that we were in Hellkist, his...for lack of a better term, his lair. Unfortunately, the amazing destruction I'd caused on my last visit hadn't remained. Everything was unbroken and completely presentable with the lines of pillars on either side of the enormous empty space. We stood in the very centre, opposite the glittering pool that had fascinated me so.

I stood up straighter, trying to steady my nervous breaths. 'Okay, I'm here,' I said in the most irritable voice I could summon. 'Now, what the hell was so important that we couldn't talk about it back down there?'

'Might I invite you to sit?' he raised a delicate, blond eyebrow. Looking disparagingly at the jagged rock of the seat, I eased myself down - and to my surprise, it was completely smooth. He observed me with mild interest.

'Brilliant way of avoiding the question,' I commented. 'But seriously. What do you want?'

He just smiled, once again refusing to answer. He flourished his hand and from midair, he'd summoned a blood-red apple. Trying to appear unaffected by this gesture, I glared impassively. He offered it to me. 'Hungry, _Virva_? I promise you, it isn't poisoned.'

'Really not hungry,' I scowled, but he gently tossed it to me, and to my annoyance, I grabbed it before it fell on the ground. For some reason...I didn't want to see an apple that perfect spoiled by dirt and bruising.

This made him grin.

'Now, my dear,' he drawled, circling me very slowly. He seemed to enjoy doing this. I instantly regretted sitting. 'You may be wondering why I saved your life...'

'Pretty much,' I sneered. 'And I'm so serious, if I find out that you were lying when you said Jesse would be safe, I'll–'

'You ghost is fine. At this moment, he is at the rectory. Frustrated with not being able to find him, the boy is at his home. Now, do not interrupt again.' He stopped so he standing directly over me. I swallowed, and didn't reply.

He laid out his cards. 'To be frank, I prevented your untimely death, _Virva_, because you have something that I want. Know very clearly that this is the only reason you are still alive.'

'I have something you want?' I gave him a scornful look. I threw the apple back at him. He caught it, looking curiously at me. 'Well, go to hell.'

His black eyes seemed to darken in intrigue. His gaze never left mine for a moment. He rolled the apple between his fingers, always looking as if he were about to let it fall...but it never did. I almost smirked - it seemed the Corrupter was skilled at playing with balls.

'I thought you'd say that,' he shrugged. 'Or something similar. Which is why I thought it'd be interesting to let you know that I have something _you_ want.'

He stilled the crimson fruit, holding it lightly. I glared at it in accusation, before looking back up at his anciently young face. He blinked slowly, watching me with interest to see how I would react to this information.

'Yeah,' I muttered, 'Right.'

He grinned again, his smile innocuous. 'Oh, but _Virva_... I have the means to kill the boy. So that you will not have to. So that you can cling to that pitiful goodness you love so much, that debilitates everything about you.'

My breath caught in my throat. 'W-what? No! If I really wanted Paul dead, I would have done it by now. Maybe I haven't decided what I'm going to do about him yet - maybe I can still–'

'If you do not destroy him, he will destroy you first,' Gabriel said. 'Surely you do not want to die...?'

I sneered. 'You're not going to be winning my favour with threats of death. So give it up.'

This statement amused him.

'Ah,' he smiled widely, spinning the apple once more. It twirled effortlessly between his clever fingers, looking like a scarlet blur as I tried to study it. 'What about threats of life then, my sweet?'

I froze. He noticed with satisfaction, and keenly elaborated. He knew I knew exactly what he was offering...

'You can…do that?' I asked, my voice going higher than I would have liked. He knew he'd gotten to me. It was so easy to get to me, when Jesse's resurrection was on the table.

He nodded. 'Among other things, yes.'

Gently, he tossed the apple to me.

Oh my God. I broke contact with him, staring in awe at the fruit in my hands. He was offering me all that I could have wanted… Jesse, alive and breathing. Jesse, who I'd finally be able to introduce to my mother. Jesse, who could go on dates with me without me seeming like a loner with an "imaginary friend." Jesse, who'd finally be given a second chance at a life which was so cruelly stolen…

Any price was worth this. _Anything_.

…However, the fact that I hadn't asked the price already proved that he knew how powerful his knowledge of my love for Jesse was. Supremely powerful, so to speak.

I couldn't let excitement blind me. I needed to focus. This was very, very important.

'…What is it _exactly_ that you want from me in return?' I narrowed my eyes.

This question didn't unnerve him, the way I had expected him to. He didn't go, "Oh, fiddlesticks. You caught me," or anything of the sort. He just looked calm and confident as always. His eyes finally slid from my gaze, and he sighed softly. 'I was thrown, to say the least, upon learning about the ancient game between you and the boy. Of course, I knew the outcome and did not care for Light losing another patron. The only reason I even answered the boy's call was because I was expecting him to have something I'd been waiting for, for many centuries now... However,' now he looked a little bothered, 'He didn't have what I'd expected. _You_ did.'

I blinked successively. '...Huh?'

But suddenly, as if I'd been smacked across the face with a Viking club, I remembered...

'_We're the two forces of our generation,' he'd shrugged. 'Dark and light. The rules are, if we meet, I have to...'_

'_What's it all for?' I'd asked desperately. 'What's the point?'_

'_Power,' he'd hissed. 'Our side has been waiting for...something. One of the dark shifters will be...different from the rest. He'll have this amazing gift that none of us have known. And I think it will be me...'_

'_Cocky much?'_

...The power. The power that he'd said he'd been waiting to inherit. That was -

_I_ had it?!

I shook my head. 'Trust me when I say, you are REALLY, very, _truly_ mistaken. If I had anything close to the...thingie Paul told me about, he'd be squished like bug-chow right now. So would you, for that matter. I'm not sure my _shifting_ power is even that crash hot–'

Gabriel snatched the apple elegantly from my hand, holding it before my eyes. 'Why do you think I've been trying to so hard to get you to use?' he said emphatically. 'I've been trying _desperately_ to mature you. The only thing holding you back is your fear, my sweet. Your fear of destruction; of becoming what the boy is trying to be. Your fear is directly linked with that annoying touch of Light within you, and that's why your abilities have refused to manifest.'

'The power is...evil?' I winced.

He made a dismissive noise. 'Only _you_ seem to think it is, _Virva_. As soon as you realise that it is neither, perhaps you can finally access its full capacity. Oh, the _wonders_ you could achieve…' he said wistfully.

'Wonders...' I echoed, dazed. Then, my eyes narrowed. 'Evil wonders, no doubt. Otherwise you wouldn't be so interested in them, since the last time I checked, you weren't no angel - because I'm thinking that you and that biblical Gabriel? Yeah. Two different dudes.'

He resumed his circling once more. 'I do admit, I lean a little more towards the Dark,' he said in an overly casual voice. His footsteps echoed loudly on the cold stone floor. I stared ahead adamantly at the iridescent pond which cast rainbow reflections of light across the crude roof. It was all I could do to not lose my concentration and fall into a spellbound state, staring at the water changing exquisitely. Snapping back to the heavy reality of this situation - a debate over what the cost would be to bring Jesse back to life - I suddenly griped, 'Would you stand _still_ for a moment?'

Chuckling, he stilled, pleased that he was getting to me. My breathing hadn't slowed - on the other hand, it was shallower and quicker than before, making me feel light headed and scared. Would I only have one chance to seize this opportunity?

'This is the best offer you will ever get, _Virva_,' he told me with an element of warning in his voice. He could see that I hadn't been completely convinced by his Jesse bomb, so now he was resorting to smiling threats. 'Luckily for me, I found you before you were ripe... but news of your gift will leak shortly, and I know of several others who will be very keen to get their paws on you, should you turn me down. And trust me when I tell you, they will not be making deals. Nor will they consider your...consciousness, as I do. You'd do well to remember that, and be accordingly grateful for my generosity.'

His smile was still perfectly in place, looking pleasant and jovial. However, the unnatural darkness of his eyes would ensure that I would never be rested in his presence.

My chest was heaving in some panic.

I couldn't...but..._Jesse_. I could have Jesse... He'd known exactly where to hit. God, was I that transparent?

Hah. Of _course_ I was...I proclaimed my love for Jesse like a trophy, daring all to go after him in order to break me down. Paul had played that card to his advantage by taking him away. And now Gabriel wanted to turn me into putty by giving him to me in ways I could only imagine.

However, before I'd fully thought it all through, I knew the answer.

'No,' I said clearly. 'I don't accept.'

Done.

If he was startled, he didn't show it. I saw the suggestion of disappointment, but it was gone before I could place it. His lip just twitched at the corner. 'Yes, I thought that would be the case… even if I did try to do things in a disgustingly typical way of Light…' Now, his smile went wry…and wicked. 'I really should have stuck to what I knew best. Which is why I took out a little insurance…'

He took a large chunk out of the apple with his teeth, and threw the rest into the corner – from the bite mark, a mist of grey gushed out recklessly, finally revealing Robbie Gallagher, struggling in alarm against slimy black ropes that bound his hands and feet. If I could have even tried to predict Gabriel's next move, it was _not _that.

'Robbie!' I screamed, launching myself at him, but Gabriel's eyes flashed red and I stood utterly still.

'Now, my dear, don't worry yourself. Nothing will happen to the child if you do as I say…'

'I'm NOT a child,' Robbie spat, giving a hearty thrash against his bonds. 'Could a _child_ have gotten such an awesome high score on _Halo 2?!_'

Gabriel ignored this comment. He was eyeing me very carefully.

Forced to be absolutely stationary, I could only breathe hard in fury. He fought _dirty_. Instead of concentrating on responding to this horrible blackmail, I poured all of my energies into breaking free of his immobilising influence. He realised only seconds too late what I was doing, and grunted out a shocked, 'No!' as I shouted angrily, stumbling forward and running to Robbie.

I'd bested him, but it was only the beginning. Heart pounding, my fingers had just touched Robbie's when I felt myself slammed against the coarse ground. I scrambled up, only to find to my dismay that Robbie had also been knocked flat on his back…with Gabriel's elegant black boot poised directly over his throat.

'Suze…' Robbie's voice was soft and scared. He didn't want to get his vocal cords pancaked.

'Get the hell away from him,' I spat, on my hands and knees, trying to decide the wisest next move – dive at him and rearrange his face until he looked like Michael Jackson's _asshole_ (also probably a victim of plastic surgery) or to just give him a real _close_ look at that power he wanted to see so badly.

'You wouldn't think so,' Gabriel said in a conversational air, 'But it is possible to _die_ here, _Virva_. Both you and the child have been brought here, body and soul. If I kill him in this place…it will stick.'

My nostrils flared.

'I tried to give you what you desired…' he said in a mockery of mourning. 'Your happiness _is_ important to me, my sweet. But instead, you have driven me to alternately take what you love in order to persuade you.' He shot a cruel look to Robbie. '…Even if this boy is one of the more pathetic mortals I've ever laid eyes on.'

'So's your mom!' Robbie snapped, trying not to panic.

'Do you accept my deal? Will you surrender your great power to me?' he demanded.

My lips quivered in the beginnings of an unknown answer. 'I–'

His heel dropped harshly, jutting right beneath Robbie's chin, who began to choke and splutter, his eyes wide and scared. A strangled cry of terror was ripped from my throat. 'WAIT!' I moaned. 'D-don't hurt him…'

Gabriel withdrew his foot, and was unable to resist a smug commentary. 'Light is so utterly weak,' he sneered. 'Too many weaknesses. It is your downfall.'

'So being evil means not being able to love?' I glared.

He shook his head, smiling fondly. 'Not at all, _Virva_. It simply means to love thyself above all else.' He rested his foot on Robbie's throat, who was still trying to breathe beneath him. He wasn't crushing his windpipe again, but the threat was evident.

'Accept,' he warned me. 'Or I will kill him. Slowly.'

Either way, Gabriel was going to make me responsible for a death if I didn't not agree to this mysterious request; either Robbie would die, or Jesse would continue to not live. However, Robbie's death would be even more unbearable…

Fighting feverishly against the hard, prickling lump in my throat, I said in utmost defeat, 'All right… let him go. I'll…whatever.'

I'd lost. Badly. Because the prices were always too high when I cared this much. Oh, how simple Paul's decisions must be…to have to worry about the well-being of one person only…

Or, very rarely, two.

Gabriel smiled, tasting his victory and relishing the flavour with a luxurious smile. 'I knew you would see reason, if motivated enough…'

My voice was hard. 'Now_ let him go_.'

With a snap of Gabriel's long, skeletal fingers, Robbie's sickly ropes vanished, and he staggered over in my direction, but was jerked back by an unseen force, skidding wildly to the corner of the room. My outraged eyes found Gabriel and splutters of rage were about to tumble from my lips when he called over to Robbie nastily, 'You may confess your love for her later, child. Right now, the grown ups need to talk.'

Robbie flushed an awful purple colour. Just as I was again about to bite Gabriel's head off, he suddenly seized my wrist and was pulling me roughly towards the end of the enormous chamber, to that enigmatic pool that shimmered with splendour inappropriate for such a terrible realm. I was more started that Gabriel had made contact with me. He wasn't usually a physical kind of guy; he preferred to let his magics do the very audible talking. Now, however, his fingers were clasped tightly on me, refusing to relinquish me.

His skin was freezing.

I wasn't exactly struggling, besides the obligatory pulling away in order to show I wasn't going to be completely submissive, even if I'd just sold my soul. The truth was, my curiosity was more than aroused by that pool… It was captivating like nothing I'd seen before, haunting my eyes even when they were closed.

Up the stone steps he dragged me until we were positioned on the platform that surrounded the large mere in a cold grey arc. I looked from Robbie, to the sparkling water, to him, before I stammered, 'W-what are you d-doing?'

His hair, usually neatly tied back, had begun to come loose; long, fair strands framed his angular face which always had time for a smile. He cocked his head, staring at me in enthralment.

'Oh, my sweet Light thing…' he tutted. 'I guess I did not explain myself clearly. I don't plan on extracting these powers from you…such a thing is hardly possible, I'd gamble. No, no, none of that…' He moved closer to me, and once again, I was consumed by his devastating presence. It made the air thick and stagnant and ripe with malice. I shuddered, repelled by it. I couldn't hold his gaze. Robbie, who could not hear this hissed conversation, was looking around in panic, trying to find a way to get me out of this mess. As I glared away from Gabriel angrily, he gently turned my chin back up so I was looking him in his cold, onyx eyes. I swallowed.

'No, _Virva_… Obviously, I tried to make you Dark… but you were far too wilful for that. In lieu of this plan, I instead intend to keep you.'

This had the desired affect – it made my knees buckle in fright. 'W-what?'

After savouring my fear, he went on. 'Of course, your power is linked very closely with both your soul and body, meaning it is only temporary as long as you are alive. Since you are mortal,' he said the word with distaste, as if it were a disease, 'This only allows me a little time to explore your capabilities…which is where my reflection pool comes in.'

He turned his attention to the metallic water quivering calmly beneath us. I couldn't see how deep it was, as the water wasn't clear – it was like liquid silver, eternal and mystifying. Unprompted by him, I took a step toward it, drawn by its beauty. It was so tranquil…so out of place.

'What is it?' I asked, just as I'd been longing to the first time I'd come here.

His lips were beside my ear when he chuckled. He was right behind me.

'You are looking,' he whispered seductively, 'At immortality.'

I stiffened, turning my head slightly till his face was in vision. He was smiling at me with a wolfish grin that scared me greatly. 'I have no use for a mortal,' he explained. 'Therefore, I need to do _something_ to stop your death… the power dies with you, _Virva_. This will not do.'

'I have to stay here…forever,' I said slowly, making sure I understood this correctly, 'To act as a conduit for this great power that I got landed with, for you to use and abuse in that Machiavellian way you can pull off so well. Am I keeping up?'

'Yes,' he said.

'And in return…you won't hurt any of my friends, ever again.'

'Yes,' he repeated.

'And you can bring my friend CeeCee back to full health, since it was you that tricked Paul into putting her out of action in the first place,' I said angrily.

'Yes,' he confirmed without guilt. 'And yes. She will be all right.'

'And Father Dominic?' I snapped.

He blinked. 'I can assure you, _Virva_. I haven't the slightest idea where the priest's soul is. But I will find him and return him to his body, if that is your wish.'

I stared back at the silvery pool.

'…What about Jesse?' I asked softly.

His eyes flickered in irritation. But then, coolly as ever, he said, 'I'd bring him here, of course.'

Which of course, was a lie. He had no intention to do such a thing. I wondered if all of the other things had been lies too. I was certain they had been.

Sensing a disturbance in my thoughts, Gabriel's tone suddenly got harder. 'Do we have a deal?' he demanded.

The reply was almost out of my mouth when suddenly a loud rush of air and an enormous thud disrupted me. I jolted and went to turn around to discover what had caused the Corrupter to be thrown twenty feet away, when suddenly Paul's arms shot around me. Unsure if I was being saved or condemned, I didn't struggle at first. Then he roared irately, 'You were going to make her _immortal? _You _jackass!_ How am I supposed to finish our game if she's freakin' unkillable?'

It was at this point I realised that Paul was saving me from one fate, only to condemn me to another.

Climbing elegantly to his feet once more, Gabriel had an ugly expression on his face as he regarded Paul Slater. His upper lip curled angrily.

'_You_,' he spat, clearly thinking he'd dealt with him. 'You happen to be interrupting a private conversation, boy. One which doesn't concern you.'

I started trying to escape his iron hold, but it wasn't proving to be a fruitful endeavour. 'How doesn't it concern me?' Paul snarled. 'She gets to live here for all eternity, while I have to gradually _die_ in the same timeframe as a result! You think I'm going to let you _do _that to me? No way.'

He really, _really _didn't come here to save me. He thought eternal life was going to be a Super Sweet Sixteen for me. God. What an idiot.

'How did you get here?' Gabriel asked coldly, stepping ever closer to the both of us. 'This place is untraceable.'

'True,' Paul said, breathing hard. 'But _Suze_ isn't. And I know her better than anyone, so I'm connected enough to follow her to the ends of the _world_ if I have to–'

'Seeing someone naked doesn't make you an expert on them,' I sneered wheezily, giving another angry flailing which only made his arms intensify. I could barely breathe as he was completely crushing my chest.

None of them thought my witty response was that funny – they were both pretty much ignoring me, which made me even madder. Since I was what they were fighting over, you'd think that they would listen a little harder to what I wanted, right? I mean, sure, I wanted them_ both_ dead, but still, was that too much to ask? It would _please_ me.

'Come on then,' Paul goaded him, giving me a shake as if I were a weapon, not a hostage. 'Let's settle this the old fashioned way, _Gabes_. Here we are now; entertain us.'

Gabriel just chuckled. 'Boy, you really have no comprehension of who you are dealing with. You really intend to fight me…and win?'

'Very much so.' He shoved me aside to I landed heavily on the ledge over the glittering water. Having decided that I would play no pivotal role in their very-manly-I'm-sure wrestling match, I scrambled over to where Robbie was and hid with him behind one of the enormous pillars. I spared them a last glance, and saw that they hadn't noticed my disappearance. Typical.

'Suze!' Robbie threw his arms around me. 'I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be blackmail! I was just at home moping, and then suddenly I was here and that guy was – did you see his _eyes?_' he hissed in wonder. 'They're black!'

Pushing him away and holding him carefully before me, I looked at him with intensity and said to him, 'Robbie, listen to me. I am going to get you out of here some way or another. You should have never been brought into this–'

'But what if I can help?' he asked eagerly. I could see that offering this was a big sacrifice on his part. He'd always wanted to be a superhero in his mind, but now that the occasion had actually presented itself, he was scared. However, his loyalty to me would never waver. 'You can't try and take him on by yourself, Suze. He's really, _really _evil.'

I'm going to assume he was referring to the Corrupter, but interpreting that as Paul would have also been pretty near the mark. I just stared at him and said, 'Robbie, no. I'd die if you got hurt.'

At the top end of the chamber, there was a furious explosion which had both Robbie and I diving for cover. When the rocks and dust had cleared, I saw Gabriel lying facedown on the ground, with Paul, arms crossed, standing over him and looking smugly furious.

'I'll show you what this _boy_ can do,' he scowled. Gabriel was instantly back on his feet, glaring at his opponent. This was no ordinary glare, however - soon, hundreds of beads of red light were circling Paul like many demonic blowflies. He swatted at them irritably, until they all suddenly latched onto his skin all across his body, biting down hard. He cried out and fell to his knees. The parasites throbbed with red light, and Gabriel looked very impressed with himself.

'Like I said, boy. You are nothing to me. You've barely scratched the surface of Dark's capabilities, and you are not worthy to stand before me. I am the oldest essence of pure evil that you could ever imagine, so powerful that Darkness _itself_ sought me out for my talents. I make saints sin; I make the angels fall. And I crush insolent little brats like you that get in my way,' he said fiercely. The parasites sucked harder and Paul groaned, trying to rip them one by one off of his body. Robbie just stared in silent horror. I winced, feeling an element of Paul's suffering. I hated him, but...watching someone be tortured like this had never been on my Top 10 List of Favourite Things To Do. I loathed pain, be it my own or another's.

Then I remembered something horrible that made my stomach turn. My goal was, and had to be, to end this dangerous game betwixt Dark and Light. If Paul died at any other hand besides my own, it would just keep going.

...I couldn't let the Corrupter kill him, just like he couldn't let the Corrupter make me immortal.

God, this game _sucked_.

'Why - why do you even _want_ her?' Paul gasped through the pain with incredulity. 'She's just a shifter... what the hell good is she to you?'

Gabriel's fists tensed, and the red bugs pulsed madly, beating over Paul's flesh. Crippled further, he twisted in agony before the Corrupter. With a lazy smile that was too contrived to be completely innocent - oh yes, he was enjoying this - he replied, 'She is not just a shifter, Paul Slater. She is what you most feared. She is all you hoped to be...'

Paul's eyes widened, an expression cut short by a harsh cry. 'What?' he shouted, outraged. 'No! She CAN'T have it! That power was supposed to be mine! It was _written!'_

'Only the generation was indicated,' Gabriel replied coolly. 'You just assumed you were the one, and consequently made an "ass", as they say, out of you...but not me. No, I, after discovering the truth, set my sights on acquiring such a glorious commodity. So I thank you, my friend, for directing me to her. I mightn't have found her had it not been for your help.'

These words hurt Paul. His own selfishness and stupidity - not to mention his arrogance at thinking he was ready to take on _real_ evil - was going to be his downfall. And mine.

Giving Robbie's hand a final squeeze, I stood tall, and left the shadows cast by the gargantuan pillars.

'Hey, Gabriel,' I called out in a strong voice which was a complete farce, but he didn't have to know that. I saw his shoulders stiffen before he rotated slowly, looking at me in annoyance. He'd been about to finish Paul off once and for all, and he obviously didn't appreciate my _Homicidus Interruptus_.

'_Virva_,' he said with only a little malice - which was giving him credit, because he was kind of pissed at me - 'I will deal with you in a moment.'

I laughed, striding towards the both of them. Paul looked at me, goggle-eyed despite his pain, and Gabriel just glared, his pale face turning a strange red colour. 'You'll deal with me? So, I'm expected to wait over there for you two boys to finish your little brawl, like a good little commodity? I think not.'

Seeing that I fully intended on being a real big pain in his ass, Gabriel turned to acknowledge me fully. 'Oh?' he asked delicately. Trying to hide my shaking, I stuck my hands on my hips and shot daggers at him. 'Yeah. Oh.' I took another bold step towards him. I let rage flow through my body, transforming into power that trickled from my heart, through my arteries, burning my blood and fuelling the fire within. 'That's what you don't get, Mr. Corrupter. You are in fact, intruding on something between Paul and I, something that is way bigger than whatever little things you do, like whisper in the ears of humanity or whatever. I don't think I ever understood how big this game was until now. We're huge. We're mammoth. We are _epic_. And we - not to mention whatever is governing our stupid game, the powers of Light and Dark or Santa Claus or whoever - really don't appreciate you barging in and screwing up how this is supposed to happen. So we would really like it if you'd just _fuck off_.'

And with these words, I blasted a buttload of white light at him, pinning him against one of his own pillars with the sheer force of it. His blond hair shone white from the light, as did his formerly black eyes.

Then, I released him, exhausted. He crumbled to the ground, panting.

I threw a triumphant grin at Paul, but he wasn't paying attention, being too preoccupied with his own pain to care. He just writhed on the stone floor, gasping for breath as the scores of parasites continued to suck on his life force, beating with sinister red light.

When I looked back, Gabriel was back on his feet, now looking really cheesed off. I just crossed my arms. 'If I'm supposed to be this fantastic power, are you sure you really want to see what I can do?' I asked, raising my eyebrows. 'Because I _will_ show you.'

'I'd be delighted,' he replied coldly. 'Not that you could do much damage, having no training in your powers yet.'

'Just because I'm a rookie,' I snapped, 'Doesn't mean I can't kick your ass.'

He spread his arms out invitingly. 'Go ahead,' he sneered.

God. Did he have to be such an arrogant dickhead about it? He knew just as well as I did that I was talking crap. I had no idea what I was doing - I was just trying to distract him long enough for Paul to get out of his parasitic fate. However, Paul wasn't exactly trying very hard to take advantage of my temporary kindness; he just continued to lie there lamely, groaning and struggling for breath.

...How long could I keep this up?

I knew that my powers were stronger when I was emotionally charged. Before, I'd let myself escalate into an episode of anger, but now I was just scared. Because...as powerful as he said I was, he was right - I was completely out of my league without proper instruction on what to do.

Something he convinced me of moments later when he merely blinked, and I was yanked back as if something behind me had skewered me through the back and had hooked me through the stomach. I landed on my back in considerable pain in the shadows of the chamber once more, and Robbie scrambled over, shaking like a leaf. Gabriel had lost interest in me once again, and was quietly hissing words to a dying Paul Slater. With Robbie's help, I sat up gingerly.

'Suze,' he squeaked, 'You can't keep doing this. He's gonna kill you!'

'He doesn't want me dead,' I assured him. 'It's you I'm worried about. I've gotta kind a way to get you - '

But my words were cut off suddenly when I heard a tinkling of materialisation behind me. Confused, I turned to look deeper into the shadows, and -

'...Oh my God,' I said, my mouth falling open.

Two people stood before me. Both of them were very dead.

One was a boy of approximately nineteen years who I'd seen only once before in a memory. His neatly cut hair was brown, and his hapless eyes were a bably blue that burnt with intensity. He was in old clothes; tailored black pants and a tight white buttoned shirt. Upon seeing me, he smiled sadly.

'Susannah,' he said softly. 'Oh, thank heavens you're safe... I was worried, after the car accident, that you'd be - but Lily told me you were all right.'

'No,' I shook my head repeatedly, my eyes welling up hot and fast. 'No, no, NO!' I climbed to my feet, going over to the pair of them. Lily Winters regarded me with the same sadness.

'Father D!' I cried out, seizing his shoulders and shaking him frenetically. He didn't try to fight me off, no matter how rough I was being. 'You - you're...' I broke off and spat hotly, _'NO_!'

'Suze...' Lily patted my shoulder soothingly, but I pulled away from the both of them, angry. Robbie, who could see neither, stared at me in concern and confusion. I turned from Father Dominic, shooting back accusingly through my tears, 'You gave up... Just when I couldn't lose you, you just _gave up!'_

The boy sighed. I knew him as a much older man, so even in his ghostly youth, he seemed jaded by a long, hard life. 'Susannah,' he sighed, 'I'm sorry...but I couldn't just let you face this alone.'

'You didn't have to _die!'_ I gasped, stamping my foot in furious distress. 'Why did you die for me?'

'Because...' he paused. 'Because you would do the same for me, Susannah. And I love you.'

More tears pooled around my eyes. Despite the sentiment, it just didn't seem like a good enough reason, for him to have become a ghost. 'What good did it do?' I demanded, more tears coming. 'Now you're dead! How does that help? You should have just fought harder to stay alive - '

'It helps,' Lily interrupted me nervously, 'Because we went and got this for you...'

And from behind her back, she revealed a very large, very heavy black sword. I gasped, as did Robbie, who was apparently seeing floating weaponry.

'Suze...' he breathed, pointing. 'What's _that_?'

My eyes flickered from his face, to Lily's, to the sword, and finally to Father Dominic's. Now, even through his obvious dejection, he chanced an impish grin. It made him look so young, so lively. He thought himself very clever.

'You got it...' I breathed, moving toward it.

'We approached its hiding place, I, an old man,' Father Dom recounted proudly. 'And as soon as I moved through the veil that guarded it, I turned into this...' he motioned to himself. 'And I knew. I knew I'd come back. I had so many things to keep me here.' He glanced at Lily, and then back to me. 'If this sacrifice helps you even slightly, then I'll be content.' He moved toward me and slid warm arms around me, cradling my head against his shoulder. He was so tall...almost as tall as he was when he was an adult. I returned the embrace.

'Don't mourn me,' he commanded kindly. 'I've lived a good life, Susannah. I've helped a lot of people, and that has always made me happy. And even though I never got the chance to have a family of my own...you've given even that to me in a way. I'm _so proud_ of you...'

I cried even harder, sobbing into the teenager's shoulder helplessly.

Beyond the pillar, I heard another shout of agonised rage from Paul, and Gabriel's soft laughter. Lily tensed, moving closer to the both of us. Finally managing to compose myself a little, I wiped my eyes with the back of my wrist and sniffled. It was hard to look at him, glowing so beautifully next to his ghostly love. They looked utterly perfect together. Lily slid her hand in his. 'Okay,' I said, trying to breathe evenly. 'Give me the sword.'

She passed it by the handle, and I held it across two hands, one gripping the handle and the blade resting on the other. The sword was completely black, encrusted with onyx stones and engravings. It looked more deadly than I could have ever thought. It was really, _really_ heavy, too.

Robbie came to stand beside me, looking into empty space. 'Hello, ghosts,' he greeted nervously, and waved. 'I'm, um, Robbie.'

Lily choked on a little laugh. 'Tell your friend he's very brave,' she smiled. I relayed the message, and even in his petite state, he puffed out his chest proudly.

My gaze fell back down to the enormous weapon in my hand. 'I should do this now...' I whispered. 'I have to stop him from killing Paul, or the game will just keep on going.'

Father Dominic was still standing directly in front of me. I looked at him again, a little guiltily, and he looked very grim. 'I understand,' he sighed. 'For the love of God, Susannah...don't get killed. Or I shall be quite cross with you.'

I grinned wryly. 'Yeah. I really don't need a detention during the summer. That'd be a drag.'

He kind of smiled, but looked too worried to think me that funny. 'Please, Susannah... be careful.'

I nodded, and moved closer to give him a little kiss on the cheek. It felt a little strange, because even though he was a nineteen-ish hottie, it still felt like I was macking it with an old dude. I really did love him though. 'I'll try.'

I turned to Robbie, but then looked back at Lily and Dominic in haste. 'Listen, if anything goes...wrong...do whatever you can to get Robbie out of here. I don't know how...'

'We will,' they promised.

Finally, I went back over to Robbie and gave him a huge hug, sword still in hand. He hugged me back fiercely. 'Suze...' he moaned, 'What if you get hurt? Or killed?'

I winked at him. 'I think I'd make a pretty wicked ghost.'

And I emerged from the shadows again.

It didn't seem appropriate to call him using my voice this time. Why not show off? I had power now. Even better than that, I had intent.

So with a surge of hatred, I launched an attack on the endlessly tall pillar beside Gabriel, causing it to crash and narrowly miss the Corrupter and his plaything. Paul was near death. He just groaned weakly, flinching from the excess rocks that struck him.

When Gabriel turned, I watched his expression change from firstly satisfaction, to annoyance at the second interruption...and then finally resting on utter shock as his gaze absorbed what I held in my right hand. He blanched, his black eyes wider than ever. There was real fear there.

In a high voice, he hissed, _'Where_ did you get that?!'

I shrugged. 'Oh, just something I had...you know, lying around.' I moved forward some more, looking down at it. 'Pretty mean lookin' thing, don't you agree? I wonder what it can do?'

He took a step back.

'It was protected!' he said. He was in total denial.

'Yeah, yeah, only one of the Players could possibly access it, and even so would have to sacrifice their life in order to even reach it, blah, blah, blaaah...' I rolled my eyes. 'And I get that not everyone comes back as ghosts. Very few people do, in fact. But when mediators come back? Yeah, we catch on pretty quickly. What would usually take ghosts years to learn, manipulating objects and stuff...takes us, like, five minutes.'

His eyes narrowed.

'The priest,' he spat.

I grinned victoriously. 'He's pretty much not one of your favourite people right now, I'd hazard a guess.'

'So,' I tossed my hair, 'What's the deal with this then? Do you just need a little scratch to annihilate you? Is it a three-strikes-and-you're-out kind of gig? Or are we talking Corrupter, rotisserie-style? Because I'm surprisingly good at inflicting mortal wounds.'

He took another step back, almost stumbling on the heap that was Paul. Naturally, he refused to tell me how I had to go about killing him.

_'Virva_...' he tried to appeal. 'Dearest thing...what is the meaning of this? I offered you everything! Your lover, your family and friends' safety...I can give you so much more than that.' A muscle in his jaw was leaping erratically. 'I can give you the world...'

A little disgusted, I scorned, 'I absolutely refuse to quote James Bond in this conversation, and am offended at the very thought of it.' I advanced further, twirling the menacing sword in my hands. 'You can give me nothing but lies and evil. Neither interest me, thank you very much. And I think our sad little mortal race would be a lot better off if you just ceased to exist...'

At which point I threw my entire weight behind the sword, aiming for his chest - but his reflexes were like lightning and he evaded me at the last moment.

Okay. I'm not going to pretend I'm good at wielding big pointy things. Because I'm not. And unfortunately, this fairly inadequate display blued him into my mediocrity. Suddenly, he wasn't looking quite as worried, if the smirk was any indication. 'Oh, _Virva_...to think, I expected even just the slightest bit of skill from you...'

From on the ground, a weary, tortured Paul muttered darkly, 'Way to go, Suze.'

'Would you _shut up?'_ I yelled at him, turning my alarmed eyes back to Gabriel, who was walking towards me confidently. He tried to render me immobile as he had done before, but I fought it off indignantly - although, it was certainly touch and go, since my faith in my own power was wavering. He also attempted to call the sword from my grip, but I battled long and hard to keep it in my possession until my body had erupted in a sheen of sweat.

I concentrated on inflicting _some_ kind of debilitating attack on him, but only managed to choke him a little. He coughed, but then waved an arm against it and returned to the picture of perfect health.

Okay, definitely starting to panic now.

With another flourish of his arm, he summoned his _own_ sword, a blood red one. I gulped - his was even more enormous than mine. I mean that in the least phallic way possible. He noticed my worry with great content, and stepped towards me, brandishing it with such expertise that I nearly died in mortification. 'Shall we, _Virva_?'

Before I could politely decline this invitation, however, there was a flicker of materialisation behind him which he didn't sense, and before I knew it, our number had increased by two. Sure, the wheelchair-bound Dr. Oliver Slaski was going to be a fat lot of good, but his companion was sure to prove useful.

So with all of my strength, I pitched the black sword high in the air over Gabriel's head...

...And Jesse's hand shot out to grab it.

Gabriel spun to face him. 'What are you doing here?' he asked in rage, his face twisting nastily. Jesse stood tall and proud, his dark eyes incensed and determined.

'I should think it would be rather obvious,' he replied.

Quickly, I materialised over to stand by his side. I held his hand. 'So, uh...Jesse? Know how to use that thing?'

He coughed a little. 'My Uncle Lorencio was an amazingly gifted fencer. He taught me a little...'

Pleased with this, I replied, 'Oh, okay. That sounds pretty cool. Well...best of luck then.' He squeezed my hand, before letting it go and launching into the fray. I heard the furious clanging of metal on metal, and sparks flew from their collisions. Peering down with distaste at Paul, I nudged his thigh with my foot to see if he was still alive. A horrible gurgling sound assured me that he was. The bugs that had bitten him kept seeping his energy, not pulsing quite as fiercely as before now that their master was otherwise engaged in a -

What the hell?

Jesse, unfortunately, was not the skilled swordsman I'd thought him to be. 'What are you doing?' I yelled at him. 'I thought you said you were amazing!'

In a strangled voice, he called back, 'My uncle was, _querida_...I never said _I_ was.'

'Clearly,' I called back in fright. Gabriel was kicking his ass. Jesse had only endured a wound to the side which was already healing, but it had slowed him down considerably. Fretting, I screwed my eyes shut and caused another explosion of rock just by Gabriel's feet. Alarmed, he staggered and Jesse very nearly struck true, but Gabriel dodged just in time.

They raged on, me helping a little with inadequate power whenever I saw fit - right up until the point where Gabriel, frustrated with Jesse, jolted forward and sent a wave of power that knocked Jesse back to the utmost end of the chamber. I heard the sick thud of his skull on the hard stone all the way from the centre, and my heart just about split in two.

_'JESSE_!' I screamed, scrambling over, being forced to materialise when Gabriel threw an attack at me. He'd fallen just short of the reflection pool, his fingers dangling uselessly over the edge and barely touching the water, while his other clutched the sword with a weak grip. His head was bleeding severely. And he wasn't conscious. Could ghosts even _fall_ unconscious?!

I shook him, horrified. He was very hurt. 'Jesse!' I breathed, 'Wake up! Oh God, please be okay...'

But he really, _really_ wasn't.

Okay, I mean.

The soft glow of his body started fading. I sucked in sharply, and shook him again. 'Jesse!' I squealed, dreading this turn of events. Why was he dimming? What was wrong with him? What if - what if injuries sustained by ghosts in Hellkist were permanent? What if...what if he was _really dying?_

But that couldn't have been the case. Surely. Because his head wound was healing before my eyes. Yet he still continued to lose his spectral light, until he was slumped in my arms, utterly glowless.

...He looked dead.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't...do much of anything. In my arms, he was dead weight. He would have felt heavy, had I not immediately been rendered numb. He started sliding from my hold which made my pull him against me even harder. I swallowed, the lump in my throat returning dangerously.

Something was very wrong.

Water dripped from his fingers as I pulled him into me further, holding his head against my lips, whispering to him. Gabriel was laughing at me. From behind the pillars, Father Dominic and Lily emerged, both looking stunned and scared. Robbie peaked out also, not comprehending what was happening. Even Dr. Slaski had wheeled out to see what had stopped all the commotion. He seemed quite annoyed at me for my romantic interlude in the middle of a battle, but then his face went deadpan as he caught sight of his barely alive grandson...

'Jesse.'

My voice was choked and distorted beyond all recognition. The terrible weakness in it was palpable. I shook, clutching him to me. 'Jesse... you have to wake up now...'

...And then, his finger twitched.

It was the tiniest movement. The finger that had splashed into the pool had flickered with life.

And not just animation, as I came to suspect.

_Life_.

Slowly, that movement spread up his arm, down his legs, and finally, in something I felt with phenomenal clarity, to his chest.

The telltale thud began with a jolt, before continuing on steadily inside the cavity. My mouth just gaped open, and suddenly, miracles were real. They were _happening_. Jesse's heart...was beating.

The pool of immortality, it seemed, had a very unique affect on ghosts.

His eyes opened dazedly. _'Querida_...' he breathed. 'I feel...' He broke off with a wince, but whatever queasy word he'd been about to utter was suddenly decided against, because his face lit up in comprehension. He pulled away, and his fingers shot to his throat. And he could feel it...the lively pulse of blood through veins that hadn't been active for over a hundred and fifty years.

Suffice it to say, Gabriel was no longer laughing.

He seemed to have lost his perpetual good mood, in fact. He was now supremely angry that I'd apparently stolen a bit of his precious pool water for my own personal gain. Yeah. Like I planned for him to blast Jesse into it.

The pair of us rose to our feet – Jesse needed a little support from me as he was still adjusting to this marvellous, _brilliant_ incident. He cast me a look of wonder, his dark eyes alight with…_life_. There was no sadness, nothing missing in them. They sparkled, just like the glittering water. They were rich, and real, and they were for all to see.

'Jesse…' I gasped, 'You're–'

With a swift kiss to my temple, he shushed me. 'We must finish this, Susannah.'

I nodded. My heart was swelling, inspiring such power like I'd never known. I started glowing, not in the spectral way that Jesse no longer illustrated, but with a spectacular light that blinded me. I couldn't suppress the grin that spread across my face gloriously.

'We're going to win this,' I said, awed by my foresight. I just knew. I could do anything. _Anything._

Jesse gripped the sword harder. 'You are radiant,_ mi querida_. And I love you.'

And then, born into his new life, he threw himself at the Corrupter with a roar of inspiration.

My radiance subsided as I finally managed to control it in order to see the battle before me. Jesse's skills hadn't increased, but his passion certainly had. He drove each swing of the black sword with a new determination, a new fire that threatened everything the Corrupter stood for. Gabriel, despite his dexterity, was struggling to keep up. Jesse was too fast, too motivated, for Gabriel to have stood a chance.

Jesse charged at him, backing him gradually into the centre of the draughty, dead chamber. My muscles clenched in sudden trepidation when I realised he was unintentionally herding him towards where Robbie, Lily and Dominic where hiding. I wanted to call out for him to change his course, but then Gabriel would have known I was trying to protect someone. I ran to the centre behind Jesse, scared for Robbie. What if Gabriel suddenly turned around, and swung his sword, and…

That was when Jesse, with a vicious swipe, knocked Gabriel's weapon clean out of his hands, before pressing the tip of his own fatal sword against his chest.

The Corrupter laughed coldly.

'This is how you thank me?' he demanded, looking politely scandalised. His hair was a mess, hanging chaotically down to his shoulders. His pale face shone with sweat and disdain. 'I give you life, ghost, and you repay me with slaughter? What kind of a gentleman are you?'

Jesse's lip curled. 'The kind that you fear at this very moment.'

And it was true. Unease creased over Gabriel's face. He knew that, even if this battle raged on, Jesse's intensity would find him in the end.

But he was going to try. He continued to goad Jesse with condescending words of poison. 'Surely you do not think you are worthy of my _Virva_,' he sneered. 'Why, your skills in fighting are laughable, and I'd bet that you don't even have the stones to–'

His voice, however, was cut off by a squelching yelp of horror as he stumbled forward, spearing himself right onto the sword. Jesse's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and I froze in shock.

That was when I realised…the Corrupter had not stumbled.

No.

Robbie Gallagher had pushed him.

This was revealed as Gabriel's entire body exploded into a thick, black vapour, disintegrating into thin air as Robbie stepped forward, glaring at where he'd once stood. Sword still in hand, Jesse stared at the little fifteen-year-old, dumbfounded.

'Another one bites the _dust_,' Robbie said dramatically, his fists balled in superiority. Then his expression faltered. 'No, wait. That was lame.' He looked disappointed. 'Aww, man! The only time I'll _ever _get to say a cool pun like that, and I totally blew it.' He looked at me eagerly. 'Can we make something else explode? So I can have another shot?'

'Robbie,' I said. 'You are…incredible.'

His face cracked into a fulfilled grin. 'Yeah, it was pretty cool,' he agreed. 'I mean, I didn't even plan it – I just…he was there, and then I knew what to do, and–' he break off, his gaze landing on Jesse for the first time. 'Oh,' he said, deflating a little. 'So _you're _Jesse then. Well. That explains a lot.' He eyed all six feet of my boyfriend with envy. Then he added, 'You're not as tall as I thought you'd be.'

I snorted, and moved in to give Robbie another massive hug. Jesse blinked uncertainly at the little guy, a little put out by his previous remark.

'Very…pleased to meet you,' Jesse nodded politely.

'Can I hold the sword?' Robbie asked eagerly, once I'd released him. I elbowed him a little, and he coughed. 'I mean…nice to meet you too.'

They shook hands. I grinned happily. 'So,' I said to Robbie. 'How does it feel to have saved the day?'

'Pretty awesome,' he said.

Jesse raised his eyebrows at me. 'Of course, I did nothing…' he shrugged with careful nonchalance, at which point Robbie conceded, adding casually, 'Yeah, he did help a bit, I suppose.'

Lily and Dominic vigilantly moved out of the shadows, coming to stand beside Robbie. 'Well done, Jesse,' Dominic nodded. Lily also moved over to exchange introductions with my boy, at which point Dr. Slaski wheeled over.

'Well,' he barked in contempt, 'That certainly was anticlimactic. And _you_ didn't _do _anything!' he cried accusingly. I wrinkled my nose at him.

'I swear to God, you really are the most vile little man I've ever–' I began to scowl, but was suddenly disturbed by the scrambling of activity from behind me. We all turned, and I saw to my dread that I'd forgotten the other adversary I had to face.

'Well, shit,' I grumbled, as if battling Paul Slater after our post-victory high was going to be no more than an inconvenience, rather than an actual challenge.

For it was true; Paul was now on his feet, having returned to full health. The parasites were falling off of his body, black and shrivelled in their master's demise. He straightened his shirt crisply, staring at the lot of us with cold eyes.

'Don't even think about it, Slater,' Jesse's eyes narrowed. Like I said, we were all kind of overly-cocky, since we'd totally just taken out a major agent of evil. It was going to our heads a little, making us silly. 'It's six against one – you don't stand a chance.'

Paul chuckled heatedly. 'Yeah, right. Like I couldn't take out two ghosts, two pathetic mortals, a crippled old shifter and a stupid bitch.'

Oh no he _di-in't._

Robbie inflated with loyal vehemence on my behalf. 'Hey!' he shouted warningly. 'Don't you dare talk to Suze like that!'

Paul was past anger. He was past disgust. He was frustrated, and just plain fed up with this game. He wanted it over. There was no time to play anymore.

Which was why he unleashed a roaring wind at the lot of us – I was the only one who remained unaffected. My five comrades were blown back, Dr. Slaski's wheelchair clanking madly as he cried out in pain. I turned to go help them, only to discover that they were all sealed off by a wall of fire. I screamed.

'What are you _doing?'_ I cried, scandalised. 'I _saved _you!'

'That changes nothing,' he responded, advancing on me. I stumbled back a step or two in uncertainty. 'We're going to end this now, Suze. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all. I just want it over. I want you _out of my head_.'

He was unravelling right before my eyes. His eyes were on fire with bitterness.

'I'm not holding back anymore,' he said. 'No guns, either. Like I could kill you with a gun…'

I glanced in anxiety over my shoulder, but my friends – and Dr. Slaski – were walled off tight. Looking back at Paul, I stuttered, 'It _c-can_ be over… Paul, if we work together, we can make it so _no one_ has to ever go through this madness again.' I chanced a step towards him. 'We can–'

He slapped me, hard, right across the cheek. I inhaled sharply from the blow, turning to face him in exasperation.

'Shut up,' he spat. 'Just _shut up_, Suze. I've had enough of your self-righteous bullshit. You _can't _make this world any less of a madhouse that it already is. Just because _you're _so blessed with this "Light" crap,' he wrathfully made the finger quotations, 'No one else is. People _aren't_ good. There's not a pot of gold at the end of the freakin' rainbow, and the clouds don't have a silver lining. This world is dark, and I'm just so fucking _sick _of you pretending you can make everything all right, that you're so much better than me…' He shook his head, equally awed and revolted. 'Who needs the Corrupter, when we're all out for ourselves anyway? And as much as I'd love to make you live on, just so I can prove to you how disgusting these people around us are, how self-serving and completely _exhausting_ we all are, this stupid _game _doesn't work that way.'

On the word "game," he'd seized me by the arms, his nails digging deeply into my arms. I hissed in pain. I didn't know what to do. If I'd had any idea of a plan to not only save myself but also to end the cycle, I would have been all for it, but there didn't seem to be any way.

How could I defeat the paradox?

How could I kill him without _killing_ him?!

I went to reply, but before I knew it, he'd thrown me to the ground, and had spat on me. Blinking in disgust, I wiped the offending saliva from my face, appalled. He took a step back from me, his glare resolute. 'I've never wanted you dead more than I do now…' he said.

I couldn't just stay sprawled on the ground like this, and wait for him to kill me in all the ways he pleased. I needed to do something. Which was more important? Saving my own life by ending his, or ending the cycle completely? What if he killed me first and I never got the chance?

But… I couldn't kill him. It wasn't weakness. It was strength. I wouldn't let this game turn me into a murderer, nor would I let it happen to anyone else.

I wouldn't.

_I want you out of my head_, he'd said.

_Or very rarely two,_ I'd said.

_Who needs the Corrupter_, he'd said….

…I smiled grandly.

Paul, jarred by this unforseen reaction to his saliva, arranged his face into a stunned expression. 'Why are you smiling?' he demanded.

I stood up.

'Because,' I replied, 'I just figured it out.'

'Figured what out?' He was angry again.

I continued to smile. It really wasn't _that _hard. Why had it taken me so long? I mean, sure, the execution of the plan that I was quickly forming was going to be difficult, not to mention very challenging for my fairly inexperienced mind. I managed a slight laugh of disbelief. I wasn't sure which astounded me more – that I'd been this clever, or that I'd taken _that_ long to come up with it.

'_What?' _he yelled, thoroughly infuriated now. He went to strike me with his pent up rage, but I lithely eluded him, still smiling serenely. And then I was standing before him, my hands cupping his face.

He hadn't seen that coming. Out of astonishment more than anything, he froze, blinking widely. His eyes, hauntingly pale, were locked in a moment of hypnotism.

And then, I plunged within him, losing myself in the psychosis of Paul Slater's disturbed mind, one…last…_time_…

**-F&I-**

**We near the end, my darlings. **

_**Please review**_


	32. The Boy

**Sorry this took so long! But Lolly has only recently embarked on the adventure of university life, and is...quite frankly, flailing a little. Ugh. The homework for the core units is just so boring! Ugh. I don't care about the first and second waves of technology, or the history of the pen! Yeah. That's right.**

**The pen is mightier than the sword! Until you run out of ink.**

**So, here's one of the final chapters of Fire and Ice. We haven't quite approached the end just yet...but we are almost there, my lovelies. Please, read and review.**

**- Lolls and Stephie.**

-F&I-

I'd been inside Paul Slater's mind on two separate occasions. The first time had been an accident, and I'd seen insights into his head that I'd never really wanted to be privy to. I'd never had the desire to understand him, for it made it harder to hate him like I wanted..._needed_ to. The second time had been intentional, as I was gathering information to rescue Jesse. On that occasion, I'd seen the moment where he'd decided to kill me, and I'd witnessed my own death through his fantasy, something else I could have definitely lived without.

Now...was different.

The place where I had ended up frightened me on the deepest, most child-like level. Around me, thick white fog hung limply in the air, drifting eerily across a ghostly playground. It was cold and dead, and there was no moon, no sky, no stars. It was simply...empty. Beside the slide, the swing-set was as still as my heart was fast, and the top of the playhouse where the tower was had completely disappeared in the thickest of the fog. I shivered from a cold that didn't quite exist in reality.

And then, a soft repetitive creak behind me made me swallow nervously.

I slowly turned around, feeling that sudden movements were a bad idea. There, on a small seesaw, was a little boy. At first, I thought it was Jack Slater. He had the same too-curly brown hair and slight frame that I remembered from my babysitting days last summer. But upon closer inspection, this boy was disturbingly different. Where Jack had been scared and timid, this boy was bored and cold. He stared ahead, trying to bounce on the seesaw, but it wouldn't work with one person. Finally, he twisted his pale eyes, and they locked on me.

'Hey,' he called. 'You there. Come play with me.'

Blinking, I moved to the other side of the seesaw. He stared at me curiously. He didn't find it strange that he was in a creepy, abandoned playground at all.

I frowned. 'It won't do any good for me to get on, then this side will be too heavy.'

'No,' he replied, 'Somehow, my side always seems to be beneath your side.'

I got on, and found that he was right. Despite the obvious weight difference - he couldn't have been more than seventy pounds, as opposed to my hundred and thirty - he still appeared to be heavier. My feet wouldn't even touch the ground. He smiled grimly.

'That doesn't make sense,' I protested.

He shrugged. 'That's just the way it is.'

Fog snaked across my skin. I got off the seesaw, glad my feet were finally on the hard, muddy ground once more. He sighed and followed my lead, still staring at me with cold eyes only barely alight with intrigue of his mysterious visitor.

I said softly, 'What is this place?'

He blinked, and looked around. 'This is what it's always like. I don't like it. But he won't let me leave.'

This response scared me more than I would have liked. Disturbed, I asked tentatively, 'Who won't? Who are you talking about?'

He raised his arm and pointed past me. I didn't want to turn, but my neck was possessed with the desire to know, and soon I found myself staring at a lean, dark silhouette who was draped casually over the second topmost point of the playhouse, not looking at either of us. Leaving the small boy, I sliced through the dense fog toward the figure. Upon hearing my approach, his head twitched and he looked down at me, his eyes a familiar shade of the iciest blue I'd ever known.

The first thing that I noticed - and not for the reasons you may think - was that his shirt had been cut open, hanging open lifelessly, revealing a hard tan chest with some kind of markings on it. He rolled his eyes a little at the sight of me, and then flickered away in a sheet of red dematerialisation.

I jolted, and jolted once more when I felt a hand on my arm. To my right, he stood tall, his eyes clouded with annoyance.

'What are you doing here?' he demanded softly.

I couldn't look at his face for long though, because the sight that his chest held was far more disturbing. With a shaking hand, I raised my finger to the large, open slashes that had been carved on his skin. I traced along the angry welts, my eyes wide in horror.

The slashes had a purpose. They messily spelt the word "EVIL."

'What happened to you...?' I gasped, and he flinched from the contact, glaring sideways. He tried to close his shirt, but I pressed my other hand against his to stop him. His eyes closed wearily, and he wouldn't answer.

'Paul,' I said forcefully. 'Who did this to you?'

'I did,' he replied, speaking for the first time. It was a voice so choked with anger and hate that it made my mind stagger. I gaped at him, before more indignation flooded me.

_'Why?'_

His brow furrowed in more anger, and he pulled away. 'Because,' he answered quietly, 'It's what I am. It's what they told me I would be.'

'Would everybody please stop referring to vague 'they'-people for like, five minutes?' I said in frustration. 'I mean, God.'

If he was shocked at my outburst, he didn't show it. He just kept his eyes closed. Beside him, the little boy came to stand. He glared up at the eighteen year old resentfully, and then looked back at me.

'He gets like this all the time,' he informed me, his nose wrinkled in contempt for his elder. He looked down at his hands and laughed. 'He's just weak.'

Paul's – the older one's – eyes snapped open sharply, and he shot the little boy a look of fury. 'I'm not weak!' he spat, seizing the child by the throat and hoisting him up in the air. Shocked, I rushed forward to help the kid, since Paul wasn't exactly a predator _I'd_ want to have throttling me... But before I could do anything, the boy just smirked and shimmered from his grip, appearing behind me and shielding himself. Paul growled and tried to lunge at him, but saw me standing in the way, and consciously stopped himself.

'He won't hurt me,' the boy sneered confidently, his tiny hands clutching the end of my shirt. 'Not with you protecting me...'

I stiffened, twisting my head to look down at the parasite that clung to me; that I was protecting. He just smiled up at me in a way which no one could call innocent. I looked back to Paul, at the bleeding scarlet letters on his chest, and shook my head. 'Paul,' I whispered. 'Do you know why I'm here?'

Still looking hatefully at the boy beyond me, he growled, 'It doesn't matter. None of it matters anymore, Suze. You should have let me kill you.'

'He wanted to, you know,' the boy piped up in a disturbingly youthful voice. He had the air of telling his mother on a naughty sibling. 'He told me so.'

I ignored the brat. 'It _does_ matter. It matters because none of us has to die here.'

The child laughed. 'She still thinks this can end happily... she's more stupid than you are, Paul.' He slid his hand in mine and turned me toward him, looking up at me with glittering eyes of palest blue. He was so young, yet so... so much more. 'You still don't get the game, Susie.'

'On the contrary,' I said coolly, 'I may understand it better than you think. You see, Paul told me that the key to not having to kill me was to turn me evil. So it only stands to reason that if he's turned good, then I won't have to–'

'You don't _want_ to kill him? After everything he's done to you?' the child asked, scandalised. 'I was there,' he simpered, holding my hand in both of his and examining my fingers, 'When he first took you, Susie. So don't lie to me and try and trivialise exactly how much pain he caused you that night. Or the time after that...or after that–'

'Stop it!' I hissed, yanking my hand a way. A child talking so casually about rape was simply chilling. He bit his lip, trying to hide another grin. He looked over at Paul, who continued to glare at him hatefully.

'Who is he?' I asked Paul acidly.

Paul's gaze shifted to me, and the hate still hadn't left his eyes, almost propelling me back by the sheer force of it. 'He and I are one,' he said. 'But two.'

'That thing–' I jerked my thumb at the demon spawn beside me, 'Is you?'

Paul nodded in reluctance, not looking very pleased to link himself with it so willingly. 'Don't try and turn me good, Suze,' he scoffed. 'You're out of your league. I'm too far gone for your charity, and I don't want it. I just want this over. Now get the hell out of here, so we can end this.'

I shook my head stubbornly. 'I _won't_ kill you.'

'What makes you think that you'll get that far?' he laughed callously, flexing his fists before balling them threateningly. 'Because I've been ready to kill you for some time now.'

Again, I shook my head. 'Not going to happen, Paul.'

The child watched us eagerly, his excited smile widening as he took in Paul's increasing fury. 'Go on, Paul,' he goaded. 'Hurt her... hurt her for me.'

Paul's lip curled in detestation.

I took a step back, having not counted on being so easily defeated in his mind. I wasn't even trying to manipulate the situation. I needed to act fast before he got his bearings again and actually summoned the force and the will to go through with it. And with Mini-Me waving the pompoms of death, he may not have needed too much pushing...

'So the kid...' I analysed, still slowly retreating away from the odd pair, 'He's...your "evil", then.'

The child looked flattered at this diagnosis, and giggled. 'I'm just here to bring about what needs to be done,' he shrugged humbly. 'And the minute he finally wins the game... I'll be free. And so will he.'

My eyes locked on Paul's.

'Paul, listen to me,' I said in a voice that shook. 'You have to try and fight him, because he's just–'

In a sudden, jerky movement, Paul had me pinned down against the slide behind me. Breathless from the tackle, I tried to twist from his grasp, but his hands squeezed my wrists harder.

His face, anciently lined with pain, weariness and revulsion, was hard and malicious. 'You really want to save me...?' he chuckled. 'Even now...when I could so easily backtrack on our little deal, and make you feel like you want to die?'

This threat was accompanied by his knee wedged between my legs as he leant over me, one of his hands seizing my hair. I smothered my yelp, and stared him down.

'You can't hurt me here,' I told him.

'I can't _kill_ you,' he corrected me. 'I can hurt you all I want...'

'But that's just it – you don't _want_ to hurt me.'

'Wanna bet?' he challenged, his hand releasing mine quickly and smoothing beneath my back, dragging me flush against him. 'Anything that will get me touching you is just fine with me, Suze. Anything to hear your voice, even if it is a scream...'

'_Hurt_ her,' whined the boy impatiently, pouting.

His breath was hot and cold against my face, the fog locking us together on this forsaken slide. And then, just as his hands seized two separate parts of my shirt with the intention of tearing it, a tiny bubble of power swelled inside my chest, at which point I fired it at him.

With a sound so shrill and sharp it made my ears want to bleed, he was thrown away heavily against the playhouse, his limbs tangling painfully with the monkey bars. He cried out in anger.

'Leave!' the little boy spat at me, clearly irritated. There was apprehension on his face now, as if I posed some modicum of a threat.

I had power here... my shifting power. I – I hadn't realised that. This was good. Did I perhaps have that _other_ power, too? The power that Gabriel had lusted after so much? The one that Paul had hoped to inherit, that I had taken in his place?

I'd already used it to jump in here...could I do more now I was inside?

Narrowing my eyes at Paul, I willed him to try harder to fight the kid, who I was convinced was at least somewhat responsible for the evil he showed. Paul didn't want to fight, though. He tumbled from the bars, landing in a heap on the muddy ground, and climbed to his feet. He was dangerous. Perhaps his mind hadn't been the best location for this fight –

– Only, then I remembered my reasoning for this place, and grinned. I jammed my eyes shut, looking, searching, listening... an escalating susurrus of memories began drowning everything out, spiralling Paul away from me as I began digging, searching deeper, beyond anything that I'd ever desired to find... I dug and hunted, my ears keenly awaiting something that would justify this invasion –

Without meaning to, I stumbled forward, landing flat on my hands and knees. Thick, luxurious carpet was beneath me. I crawled to my feet, looking around warily. This place was definitely unfamiliar, but it was apparent that it was a bedroom. A large, grand window allowed moonlight to flood in, illuminating a small, sleeping figure in a single bed. I stiffened in anger when I first suspected it to be the kid that had been plaguing Paul and I before; however, this boy really _was_ little Jack Slater. He looked the same as I remembered him, if not a tiny bit younger, but I couldn't tell in the moonlight. I edged forward a little...

...And from behind me, Paul entered the room, standing over his brother's bed.

'You little freak,' he said coldly to his sleeping sibling. He bent his knees, leaning down over Jack, and placing his hand over his eyes. Instantly, Jack started moaning softly, his hands tensing over his sheets as he writhed. 'N-no...' he whispered fearfully in his sleep, 'N-not real... Just – just imagining–'

Paul was giving him nightmares. _Literally_. I shouldn't have been appalled, but...I totally was. He'd _haunted_ his little brother's dreams.

'Maybe you'll think twice before trying to drag me into your little freakshow,' Paul sneered, giving his brother a fairly violent shove. Jack woke with a start, but Paul had already dematerialised. The poor boy was shaking, his face creased in fear. 'Mom!' he screamed. '_Mom!'_

'That kid really is the most pointless thing I ever met...' said a voice beside me. It turned out to be the little boy from before, the evil little demon that willed Paul to make me suffer. 'Paul should have just done away with him. Would have saved Rick and Nancy a lot of disappointment – Jack Slater will be just as useless a human as he is a mediator.'

'Says you,' I retorted.

The scene flashed, and I now stood in a room I knew all too well, and indeed, at an event that would be burnt in my memory forever. The flickering circle of candles entrapped a bound and bloodied Jesse de Silva, as I – held hostage by Paul – stood on the other side of the room, crying. Paul was shouting emasculating words at Jesse, while I hung limply in Paul's arms, cursed with immobility. Watching from afar, this scene looked ten times scarier than it had that night. Once again, the boy had followed me to this memory too. I glared at him. He would only slow me down till I found what I was looking for.

'He almost didn't go through with the ritual,' the boy said in disgust.

'The one to send Jesse to the Forgotten Plane?' I asked, my voice still drenched with hostility.

He snorted. 'No, not that one. The ritual before that. The one to get his powers back.'

This staggered me, so much so that I forgot to be rude. '_What?_' There had been a moment where Paul hadn't wanted his shifting powers again, after I'd stripped him of them? Surely not. He was obsessed with them.

'Because,' the little boy rolled his eyes. 'He knew that if he got them back, there would be consequences. Everything he'd learnt about the game would still be in place. He would fall into this fate once more. Believing he could escape it simply because you'd stolen his powers was a nice delusion for him. He didn't want to let it go – because he couldn't let you go.' The little boy looked up at me, the disgust dying in favour of perplexity. 'I don't understand...why he's so connected with you. You're just a girl...'

Before me, Paul tossed the girl in his arms, giving her an unceremonious jerk that merited a shout of rage from Jesse. He stared at her – at me – with a lust for dominance in his eyes.

Then, on the other side of me, I felt the presence of another – Paul. It wasn't the Paul who stood in front of me with the other me in his hold, re-enacting Jesse's banishment, nor was it the evil pipsqueak who'd been taunting me. It was the one with the scars on his skin, who looked sadly at what he'd become.

'I didn't want any of it, you know,' he told me softly.

'It doesn't have to be this way,' I tried to assure him, but the boy interjected.

'This is _exactly_ how it will be. Don't listen to her, Paul. She knows _nothing_.'

The scene flashed, and now we were in Paul's living room. In his arms, he held a tiny grey kitten... He sat back on the couch, holding her before his face as he stared at her. She clumsily pawed at him, as if trying to swat a fly. He smiled, resting her on his lap again.

'I wonder what she'll call you...' he mused aloud, Then, he closed one hand around the kitten's neck, and slowly squeezed.

Aghast, I demanded of the Paul beside me, 'What were you _doing_?!'

He ignored me. '"Free to good home", the ad said...' he muttered. 'What a joke.'

In the memory-Paul's hands, the kitten began to struggle wildly, clawing his jeans in fright. Paul slowly relaxed his hand, and the kitten shook and tried to escape – he didn't allow it. Instead, he carefully stroked her, calming her down. Subdued once more, she settled, still shaking softly.

'So innocent...' the memory whispered. 'The Corrupter will kill that.' He stared ahead at the wall absently, still holding the baby cat captive.

'You didn't want to kill her,' I whispered to Paul.

'I had to,' he said.

Turning away from the memory fiercely, I seized his shoulders. 'No, you _thought_ you had to,' I allowed anger to make my voice filthy. 'You were branded with the name "Evil", Paul – you thought you had to act accordingly in order to fulfil the name! You were forced into this role, but it isn't you. Are you telling me you enjoyed doing all those things? Killing Ophelia – hurting me?'

He blinked ahead, unable to focus his gaze on me.

'...No,' he said finally.

The little boy bristled, and his hand snaked around my wrist, yanking it away from Paul's shoulder. 'Stop it!' he hissed caustically. 'Paul, she's trying to trick you. She's desperate to live just long enough to she can steal your last breath as she ends you. Don't listen to her lies! You know what she is!'

I gave the boy a sharp kick in the stomach, and he fell to the ground with a strangled yelp of pain. Rushing back over to Paul, I seized his head, cupping his face and making sure I was all he could see.

'Listen carefully,' I instructed. 'Paul...you've done horrible things. We both know that. But you didn't want it – you've told me this hundreds of times! You were just playing the game because you thought you had to – because you didn't think there was a way to end it! But what if there is? If I kill you, that doesn't change anything – the game goes on. But if _you_ change, the way you wanted me to... if you defeated the evil within,' I glared accusingly at the little boy, who had horror increasing on his face, 'Then we might be able to stop the cycle once and for all.'

'I raped you...' he murmured. 'That was...unspeakably evil. And I didn't do it for the game.'

My vision swayed as a memory flashed – but my mental will was too powerful, and the scene instantly sprang to life before us, the glittering candles and the putrid scent of roses surrounding the two figures, one gasping numbly with wide, broken eyes beneath the other, crawling over her in a predatory way. I turned away, shivering.

'How can you say I could _ever_ be good?' Paul asked disdainfully.

'I'm saying you don't have to be evil...' I argued, not looking at him. I couldn't bear it. 'It's not black and white, Paul. There are shades of grey. Even _I've_ been grey. Just because you represent something, doesn't mean it defines your being. What you did... if you try to fight this...if you just _try,_ I can... I might be able to forgive it–'

'Now I _know_ she's lying!' spat the little boy, back on his feet and standing between us. Paul looked between him and me, unsure where his trust lay. 'Paul, she could never forget what you are!'

The figures on the bed continued, the girl static beneath her abuser. She cried softly as he panted. That only aggravated him, and he forced harder...

Paul stood taller, looking as if he thoroughly believed in the boy's words – possibly because it was actually _him_ who could never forget what he was. His eyes hardened as he regarded me. 'I don't care what you say, Suze. I am evil. To do evil things is to be evil – it's as simple as that. I don't know where you're getting your definition from, but it's wrong.'

'He knows what he is,' the boy added, crossing his arms firmly. 'And he knows what you are, Susie. He also knows the price he'll pay if you live. He can't face dying forever...surely you can understand that.'

'I won't let that happen to me,' Paul promised.

'He tried to give you everything!' said his little minion, 'Everything that the ghost couldn't give you! But you threw it back in his face!'

Paul took a step toward me. 'I will hurt you until you leave my mind, Suze. And then I'm going to kill you.'

Despite the fear that erupted from this promise, I raised my eyebrows defiantly, and spread my arms out. 'Go ahead,' I said simply.

This stunned him mildly. He stared at me with astonishment, while the little boy got frustrated again. 'Pathetic,' he remarked of Paul, before turning...and leaping at me.

Taken utterly by surprise, I stumbled back as the tiny boy – with the force of a thousand – had struck me on the head. My mind completely swerved, and the world surrounding us 

shook dangerously. The candlelit scene died, and the playground returned, foggy and foreboding as before. We landed heavily in the dirt, my limbs yelling in pain. I tried to kick the brat off of me, but once again with uncanny strength, he'd grabbed my hands and twisted both of my wrists. God, I was going to kick his ass. Stupid punk-ass little –

Snide thoughts didn't really turn the tables in my favour, especially since the boy whipped out some totally unexpected shifting tricks, and shallow cuts began emerging all across my skin. I screamed shrilly despite my better judgement, and Paul watched with a stony face.

Next, the boy grinned down at me angelically, and his eyes flashed red. That's when the pain began spreading through my body, burning me from the inside. I yelled again, delving within my soul for my power, shifting or otherwise, and answering him with a truckload of white light which had him shrieking in agony. I scrambled up, staring at the both of them.

'You could have killed me thousands of times before this!' I said to Paul. 'Before tonight. Why didn't you?'

And around me, memories of his voice chorused loudly. He looked just as shocked by them as the little boy was.

_**Why?! Why would I kill what I love so much?**_his voice, broken and miserable, lamented into the night. The playground shook with its volume. _**She was so pure…I wanted to bask in that purity, to let it save me…**_

'Let me save you,' I begged him. 'I promise I'll try, Paul...'

'KILL HER!' the boy screamed at him, his eyes flashing again – and Paul grunted in pain, staggering forward from the psychic assault.

_**God, please…help me…I don't want this…I want to be good…please, let me be –**_

'It's not too late,' I swore. 'I believe we're better than this stupid game. I believe in this. Let me believe in you too. Aren't you sick of being evil's bitch? Be better than that! Or you really are just as pathetic as you seem...'

'If you won't,' the boy scowled, 'Then I will.'

At which point, he lunged into Paul, his soul infused with Paul's body. With burning red eyes, his nostrils flared and he advanced on me. I dove behind the seesaw, jamming my entire weight on it when he tried to get to me – it smacked him from beneath the chin, making him lurch sideways. I scampered back on shaking ankles that were dying to give out, and he marched forward with the tenacity of everything evil that he'd spent his energies loathing.

And then, I couldn't run anymore – with a sick crack, I felt his hand collide with the side of my face, and everything flashed white. I would have fallen, but he caught me. His arms were taut around me as I tried to get away from him.

'You're nothing,' he spat, squeezing his iron hands around my arms so tightly I screamed for several seconds on end. 'And I will delight in removing you from this word, Suze Simon.'

'Who are you fooling?' I laughed coldly, beyond the pain. 'I'm your _everything_, Paul.'

'Shut up,' he snapped, his fingers seizing my jaw and trying to twist it so I couldn't speak, but I writhed from his grip. His eyes flashed in animalism, his face etched to its deepest foundations with panic.

'You can't kill me,' I told him. 'You've been trying all this time, and yet I still breathe.'

'The _second_ we get out of here, I'll–'

'No, you won't,' I argued. And to prove my point, I shifted us both out of his mind. My heart was shrieking murder, and my ribcage was not fit to contain such a wild organ any longer. I landed with a hard thud on the ground of Gabriel's former lair as Paul crashed beside me. He crawled over me, and I let him.

'Kill me,' I pushed. 'Just do it.'

His hands found my throat with ease – they'd been there before. Yet he did not constrict. His eyes weren't red any longer, but the hate was there.

'I will,' he pledged as I eyed him intensely in his hesitation.

'Kill me, and you'll never suffer the fate that your grandfather does,' I said. 'You'll never see me again, happy with Jesse...I won't plague your thoughts and dreams like I do – you won't have to deal with the wanting and the threats anymore. I'll be out of your life, out of your head, this game will be over and you'll still _never be happy_ – '

He started squeezing, not to kill me, but to silence me. After three seconds, he let go as if my neck had suddenly acquired the ability to singe his flesh. He cried out, staring at his hands.

'Such a small neck...' I quoted his memories, 'If you just press a little harder, she'll stop moving completely...'

His legs tensed over mine and he sat back, handfuls of hair in his fists as he cried out in rage. 'Just shut up!' he shouted.

'Kill me, Paul Slater,' I spurred.

'I swear, I'll–' he spluttered, but couldn't continue. 'I'm going to–'

And without warning for either him or myself, I'd pulled him down against me, kissing him deeply. He fell on top of me completely, dragging me into him like he would never let go. My mind was roaring, and around me, the place began to crash down. His breath was hot on my face, and I gasped. His hands roamed in their desperation to cling to me. Shielded by the flames, the five prisoners lay clueless to what was happening beyond their fiery enclosure. I gave Paul all that he wanted, and showed him all he'd ever fought so hard for. I felt nothing of it, but knew I had to in order for the persuasion to work. My lips parted as his angry, heated mouth claimed me, his hands gripping my back – I could feel his fingers with perfect clarity, and the world continued to die from the destruction I had brought about. The fire on the left of the clamber began climbing, which made my panic flare since that was not my doing – he would kill everyone I loved. Kissing him harder, I gasped and concentrated on fighting the flames. The silver water from the reflection pool swirled up to my ghostly command, ready to strike –

'I love you,' he breathed against my lips. 'I love you so much, it tears me – '

'If I die, then you won't suffer,' I hissed back.

'I need to kill you...I can't help it,' he struggled, the fire roaring. Sweat drenched us, and large chunks of rock began to fall around both of us. I dragged him to his feet, saving him from a particularly deadly portion of the ceiling. The fire was out of control – and so, with the slightest of wills, the water gushed from the chamber's right end, swallowing the fire whole. Paul's body suddenly froze, his expression blank. From his fingertips, blue light started flickering, ricocheting off of the crumbling walls. It danced across the fiery, watery war, till the particles of blue light began to go solid, spreading fast across the elemental surface, turning it into ice. He looked terrified of what was happening – he hadn't intended it.

'What–' he gasped, as the ice continued to harden the danger, until finally, the chamber was completely covered in it, the rocks frozen in place. The fire surrounding my friends had now been completely replaced. They were still trapped.

'_Kill_ her now...' he whispered, before responding immediately to himself. 'No! I can't. I never could.' He sank to his knees.

'_You're weak!_' he spat, slamming his fist against the icy ground. He turned, scratching his fingernails down the side of his face till he drew blood. '_End the game... just do it quickly_ – NO_!_'

My entering his mind had started to pay off. Somehow, I'd split him. The indecision would end this – hopefully, his desire to be good would win.

Paul's eyes found me, and he pleaded, 'Suze, please...' before they hardened, and he snarled, _'What have you done to me?!'_

'Just gave you some more to think about,' I said gravely.

He twisted grotesquely, moaning and growling and swearing furiously at me, clutching his head. I could only imagine the din within his mind – the thoughts I'd unleashed, the flood of memories, battling his moments of mercy against the instances of evil. I'd deal with whatever he chose – I prayed I could still save him. I couldn't bear to become a killer.

'No!' Paul cried, his eyes wild in pain as his head continued roaring arguments at him. 'Suze, make it stop! WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING TO ME, JUST–'

He couldn't finish the sentence, a roar of pain breaking it off. '_Kill her, and it'll stop..._' he hissed, sweat pouring down his face. The tendons in his hands throbbed, and his teeth ground madly –

And then suddenly...he went deathly quiet, falling softly to the ground.

I swallowed heavily. I hadn't expected such a silent defeat. Seconds dragged on as I waited for any kind of animation on his part. Slowly, I crept forward. His eyes were wide open, and his chest, although barely, was still rising and falling. Kneeling beside him, I frowned.

'Paul...?' I breathed, placing two fingers to his jugular. He was still alive. And yet...something had gone horribly wrong.

At that moment, the ice shattered, shards spraying in every direction. With a shriek, I dove beneath my arms and ducked, hoping to miss the worst of it. The sound was tremendous – it pervaded every inch of space within the entire chamber, shuddering the air. As the splinters finally settled, I emerged, wiping a trail of blood from my cheek with the back of my hand. I brushed the ice off of Paul's body, and shook him in an attempt to get some form of response.

And before I knew it, arms were holding me tenderly, pulling me away from the body before me. I protested in a soft voice. 'Jesse,' I whispered, 'I – I did something wrong...'

He shushed me. 'It's all right, Susannah.' He held me against him, stroking my hair. 'I wish you had have let me done it for you – '

'No,' I shook my head. 'Jesse. I – something went wrong. He's not dead. He's just...not there.'

The man before me went still. Then, warm brown eyes looked at me piercingly. 'What do you mean?'

'What did I do...?' I asked no one in particular, horrified. I looked back at Paul, who continued to stare upward at the wrecked ceiling, his eyes glassy as he respired steadily. 'What's wrong with him?'

Robbie was trying to wheel an irritable Dr. Slaski through the debris of the chamber – the old man barked orders and directions, being the most infuriating backseat driver he could possibly be. Robbie gave him a look of dislike, before rushing over to me. 'Suze, are you okay? Did you kick his ass?' He peered over curiously through the wreckage, his eyes finally landing on Paul's body. 'Whoo hoo! Ten points to Gryffindor!' he cheered.

'Robert,' Jesse said quietly, '...Shut up.'

Getting the hint that something was amiss, Robbie settled. Dominic and Lily materialised behind him, looking at me with concern. 'Susannah,' Dominic said, 'Thank goodness you're all right...'

'Paul's not,' I muttered. 'Jesse, I need to see... I – I need to see what I did to him...'

Jesse let me go, and I sank back down beside Paul's body, touching his face. 'Hello?' I said stupidly. 'P-Paul?'

'Isn't this what you wanted?' Robbie asked.

My reply was strangled. 'N-no! I didn't want to... I never meant for him to – '

'To what?' Lily asked. 'Suze...you didn't kill him.'

'Nope,' Dr. Slaski grinned in amusement. 'She went further than that. She made the boy blow a fuse in his brain.'

I spun around to face him, my face white in terror. 'I did _w-what?_'

'Doctor,' Jesse's voice was harsh, but I waved a hand at Jesse to silence his attempts to protect me from upset.

The old man chuckled. 'Right oh, girlie – couldn't have done a finer job myself. How did you pull it off?'

'I...' I trailed off, staring at Paul Slater's blank face. 'I entered his mind, and...I made him choose. Between life, and...me.'

The boy was dead.

Dr. Slaski looked impressed. 'Hah. Who knew? The pisser really _must_ have loved you, if it drove him insane – '

'_WHAT_?'

This had such a powerful effect on me that Jesse really did have to support me when I completely lost the ability to hold myself up.

'I destroyed his mind...' I breathed. 'B-but – I didn't mean to!' I looked at the doctor in earnest. 'I swear! I was trying to help him! To make him see that he wanted to be good! I didn't mean for this – '

'What do I care?' the old man snorted.

Jesse, realising I needed a little more than that, quickly assured me, 'Susannah... it must have worked, at least a little.' He stumbled over the next words, as if he weren't entirely convinced by them, but was suggesting the possibility for my benefit, 'If there was...some part that wanted to be good – or wanted you, more correctly – then that really did fight with the part of him that was predisposed to evil. You saved him...'

'And condemned him,' I whispered sadly. 'I killed the evil within him...but I completely killed everything else about him to...'

'But you didn't end his life,' Dominic said victoriously. 'Susannah... you realise what this means...'

'I'm a mental murderer,' I moaned.

'No!' Lily trilled. 'Susannah, you've ended the cycle. Light has won the game!'

Then why did I feel so terrible..?

'We should get out of here...' Jesse suggested, looking worriedly at me. 'This place...it's still dangerous.' He slid his arms beneath me and gathered me up, but I tensed.

'Jesse – we can't leave him here.'

He didn't look exactly opposed to the idea, but sighed all the same. He threw a look at Dr. Slaski, who grumbled crossly. 'Oh, all right, I'll get him...no, don't bother helping me, I'm a perfectly capable old man who's not at _all_ stricken to a wheelchair...'

He leant forward and pulled Paul's wilted form against his knees, before dematerialising away with him and Robbie. Jesse held me tighter, and Dominic and Lily dissolved in a shower of blue, promising they'd see me on the other side.

And then, it was just the two of us.

'I made a mess of everything...' I whimpered, my eyes burning awfully. Jesse's kind face softened, and he kissed my forehead. 'No, Susannah...' he shushed me soothingly, 'You did all you could do. You achieved everything we set out to do. You conquered an age old game, and you did so without spilling any blood. You are amazing, _querida_.'

'But...what I turned him into...' I sighed miserably, sagging weakly. 'He's better off dead, after what I did...'

He set me on my feet again, taking my shoulders. 'Susannah,' he said strongly, locking his gaze with mine. 'You gave him a choice – that is all. If he was too in love with evil to choose his love for you, then that is his own fault.'

'But he never meant to be – '

Jesse cut me off. 'But he _was_,' he said. 'He chose his path, _querida_. He chose to do the evil things he's done in these past months, some which are truly, _deeply_ unforgivable. Don't make excuses for him. I know you wanted to save him... despite all he's done to you, your goodness has still survived. I consider myself to be a good person, but not even _I_ can understand what inspires you to keep loving like you do. You're extraordinarily kind-hearted, my Susannah. You couldn't save him, because he simply couldn't be saved. It's not your fault. You did your best...'

How he was managing to keep his own extreme prejudices out of his words, I would never know. If I hadn't needed to hear this so badly, he would have surely let hatred and satisfaction colour this conversation.

Finally, I nodded wearily.

'You're not a killer,' he said. 'All right?'

'Okay...' I whispered.

He kissed me sweetly, and I fell into him as he offered me the sun. It was warm, and safe, and it peaked from behind the clouds shone on my fractured world with a new light. And suddenly, with my arms wrapped around the back of his neck, I was re-alerted to another amazing detail of our journey to Hellkist.

'Jesse...' I said, awed.

His lips stilled, and he looked down at me, his gaze hazy. I could feel his chest pounding in time with my own, a sound which made the sun evaporate the clouds completely, exploding them into non-existence. 'You're alive now...'

And then, he was smiling – smiling so widely that I couldn't quite remember a sight ever being as glorious as his happiness was. For this was Jesse, stripped of all the pain and suffering and misery he'd endured over the past few months. This was his reward. _Our_ reward.

My restraint went on a long-needed vacation, and I abandoned myself to his kiss, feeling his heart beat wildly and his blood pounding through his veins with vivid life, and my heart began melting the protective layers that surrounded it, finally willing to feel once more.

The blizzard was over.

-F&I-

**Not the final chapter, our lovely readers. But getting there. More will be explained about Paul's fate in the next chapter.**

**Please review.**


	33. Seven

**Lolls: Sorry for being late...again. (waves forged doctor's note at ya'll.) We are trying, I swear. And we have shown a little mercy in this chapter even, so kudos to us and our humanity! **

**Stephie: Yes. MUCH of the sorries. Mad props to whomever has read the book/seen the movie with the super big Indian dud who jumps out the window. Sigh… Jack Nicholson was kinda hot in the day, no?**

**Lolls: No, Steph. No.**

**Steph: Shush you. Oh, and yes- wiki the number seven and some crazy ass shit pops up.**

**Lolls: NOT the last chapter, by the way. Not just yet...hang in there, lol.  
**

**–****Stephie and Lolls**

-F&I-

I was shivering. I'm not sure if it was a reaction to finally defeating Paul Slater, Jesse's acquisition of a heartbeat, or knowing on such a deep level that after all this time; the game between Light and Dark had finally ended. We'd finished the cycle. Never again would innocent people – no matter what side they were representing – be put through this nightmare again. It made me excited and jittery all at the same time. I could feel electricity burning through me.

Jesse cast one last look around Hellkist, before his dark eyes returned to mine. 'Are you ready to leave, _querida_?' he asked me, his hands sliding down my arms. My initial nod was suddenly interrupted as a burst of inspiration caught me.

'Wait!' I cried excitedly. I looked back over to the former Corrupter's reflection pool, which was admittedly looking a little drained after my power out. Scrambling over to the pool, I saw that only a small dip in the bottom of the rocky surface still contained the silvery water.

'Jesse,' I exclaimed, 'we can take some of this back to Father Dominic and Lily! It would be like they'd never – like Father Dom never had to die for me. It'll go back to how it was before... what?' I trailed off at the look Jesse was giving me.

A kind expression came to his face. 'Susannah,' he said gently. 'I don't think that's such a good idea.'

I think a part of me knew very well what he was going to say, and I didn't want to hear it. 'No,' I said shakily, thrusting my hands in my pocket, searching for some kind of container that could possibly carry this precious liquid back with me. All I found was a tube of lip gloss. Determined, I squeezed it out on the edge of the rocks, before pressing the opening against the water and allowing the suction to drag the liquid in the tube. It worked better than I thought it would. I then twisted the lid back on, and pocketed it, before returning to stand before Jesse. He was giving me a sad look.

'I – I just want to offer it,' I said stubbornly. 'I mean...'

I couldn't think of anything else to say, to argue my point. Because, once again, I already knew. And he knew that, which was why he wasn't lecturing. But I didn't want to voice it. That would mean that I was really ready to... a-and, I _wasn't_. "Goodbye" was just so final, and I _wasn't ready_ to –

'Let's go,' I said, sliding my arms around his waist and pressing the side of my face against the base of his neck. He kissed my brow reverently, and together, we dematerialised...

-F&I-

I actually don't remember what happened when I got home. Vaguely, I think I pretty much saw the front of my house, and just...yeah... after that, my memory was a little scattered. All I know is: it was dark when my Mom was gently running her hands over my forehead.

'Susie...' she said softly.

I turned over, my eyes heavy with sleep. 'Mom?' I muttered blearily. I looked around, still kind of out of it. Mainly to myself, I breathed, 'Jesse?' I thought he would have stayed with me, holding me while I slept. I actually turned to see if he was sitting on the window seat, glowing faintly in the pearly moonlight, his gentle aura accenting his surreal beauty – and then another strange whoop of excitement made my stomach flip over. Jesse would never glow like that again. Auras are only for the dead...

Although it was not my intention, Mom totally heard my whisper. With a voice that was still soft, she said, 'Jesse's downstairs, honey.'

I sat up with wide eyes. They burnt from their intense need for sleep, but – this information was crucial. '_What?_' I said, a little harsher than necessary. I didn't mean to sound so abrupt – but sorry, I just wasn't used to my Mom regarding Jesse's existence so...purposefully. Like she knew him, and he mattered. Like he was really there...

And this wasn't just a dream.

Mom couldn't see in the darkness, but my eyes started welling happily. I couldn't believe this was happening. After everything, finally something so amazingly wonderful had come to us. We had been blessed.

She stroked my face and shushed me. 'Shhh,' she cooed, leaning forward to kiss my cheek. My eyelids fell, and the tears of bliss streaked my cheeks. 'Jesse explained what happened,' she said. 'With Paul Slater.'

A warning bell rang in my head. 'He did?' I said. 'W-what did he say? I mean... I don't really remember much – '

This turned out to have been a great little lie, since Mom immediately went, 'Yes, he said that you wouldn't,' she said sympathetically. 'That's probably a good thing... oh, the horror you would have gone through if – ' She stopped, as if trying to compose herself. 'But he didn't, and...you're all right.'

I nodded. 'Yep. Completely fine.'

She kept staring at me sadly. 'Do you remember what happened...after? Jesse said you came to, but then fell unconscious again pretty quickly before he brought you back. Do you know what happened to Paul?'

Worriedly, I eyed her. Surely Jesse hadn't...after we'd gotten home –

But Mom eased my worry by rehashing a mock story Jesse had thrown together. 'Honestly, I never knew Paul was that..._psychotic_,' she said, scandalised. 'After he tried to – and then he just _cracked_ like that... He's at Carmel Valley Hospital right now, but they're going to transfer him within the week to somewhere that caters for...the condition he's in now. Honestly, if he hadn't been such a little prick to my daughter, I'd feel sorry for that piece of shit.' She even enunciated it in such a Mom-like way, that I almost smiled. Curse words totally didn't become my mother – yet she couldn't express herself any more politely than that.

'So he's just...' I struggled to find a fitting description for the last time I'd seen Paul. 'What? Vegetative?'

She shook her head. 'They haven't told me much – which is rude, considering what he tried to do to my – but... they said that his current psychosis is pretty unstable. I just got off the phone with one of the nurses, and she wouldn't say any more than that. But he's not being quiet,' she laughed coldly. 'I hope he's going through hell. His parents are flying in soon from Seattle. God, I'm going to drag them over coals, I _swear_ – honestly! Surely there's something _seriously_ wrong with those parents, to have produced such a monster of a son! It's just – '

Again, she cut herself off. Anxious once again, I bit my lip. God...I'd really screwed him up...

'So,' she said in a completely different tone. Calmer. '...Jesse.'

Looking as innocent as possible, I blinked at her. 'What about him?'

A car had driven by outside, and the headlights had momentarily flashed through my window, putting my mother's face in high relief. She looked really wired. I felt a little guilty for putting her through the ringer like this. From the sounds of it, Jesse – a guy she'd never met – had shown up with her unconscious daughter on her doorstep. Not really a family friendly situation. She sighed. 'He's...not what I expected.'

What was that supposed to mean? My indignation must have surfaced on my face, even in the moonlight, for she quickly added, 'It's not a bad thing. I...I'm not sure what I expected, honestly. Perhaps someone a little more frivolous? I didn't...realise how...' Once again, she paused, and sighed. 'To be fair, you didn't tell me about him before, so when he nearly knocked down the door and he carried you in the house, I just...got a shock. I didn't realise this boy, who you said didn't trust you when that little animal "framed" you, as you put it... I didn't expect him to feel that..._intensely_ about you.'

Looking a little relieved that she'd finally said it, she sighed again, this time a little less fretfully. 'It took me by surprise, how deeply he cares about you,' she said. 'Even as I threw questions at him, he wouldn't leave your side. You were passed out on the couch,' she shrugged, laughing a little – more at herself and her own tyrannical ways more than the situation, 'He answered them all very fairly and openly, considering I was being a bit insane...'

'Of course you were,' I said in her defence. 'I get it, Mom. I wasn't...honest with you, and I should have been.' Well, to a point.

'I do wish you'd told me about him...' she said earnestly.

I nodded. 'Me too. But...now you've met him, albeit in not the best circumstances...have you got a review handy?'

I saw a flash of a guilty smile on her face. 'He's _very_ good-looking, isn't he?'

Rolling my eyes a little, I grumbled, 'Wow. How totally un-superficial of you, Mom. You thought the same about Paul, and he turned out to be a psycho dickwad. So if your judge of character begins with a – '

She shushed me irritably. 'It was just an initial thought, Susannah. But... as I said, I can already see how...protective he is of you, and how he'd _never_ let you get hurt, if he can help it. And I already know how you feel about him, so... if you're looking for my approval – and I don't blame you if you're not, since I'm not winning Mother of the Year – then I really like him. Well, I do now, since the shock of all of this is wearing off.'

I leant forward, wrapping her arms around her. It felt so good to hear her talking about Jesse like this – or even talking about Jesse at _all_. Surprised by my reaction, she hugged me back. 'Oh, sweetie,' she said, her voice thick with emotion, 'I'm just so glad I have you... I'm so glad you're okay... I love you, all right?' She pulled back and looked me in the eye. 'You know that, right?'

I nodded again. 'Yeah, I know. I love you too, Mom.'

She was all with the hugs again for a few minutes before she finally muttered, a little primly, 'Do you want me to let Jesse come up? He's been waiting...hasn't been badgering at all. He's quite the gentleman... but I think it's killing him, not seeing how you are.'

Instinctively frightened at the thought of anything that was "killing" Jesse, I spluttered, 'S-send him up!'

She smiled. 'Yes, I think that's a good idea. He and Andy have been making awkward small-talk for a few hours now. Poor boy.'

I giggled, before sobering as an idea occurred to me. 'Um...Mom?' I winced, 'Whack me on the head if I'm being, uh, presumptuous, but can he...stay here? I just...I'd feel better if he...' I shrugged clumsily. '...Is that okay? We won't do – not like – I...I want him here with me...'

Wow. Way to frame that request in such a winning way, Suze.

Looking a little torn, Mom sighed. 'I should really ask Andy, but...I'll make an executive decision here.' She smiled. 'He can stay...just for tonight. If that's what you want. Just... try not to – ' She stopped talking, and pressed her eyes and lips closed. 'You know what I mean.'

Emphatically, I nodded. 'Oh, yeah. Totally.'

Giving my face a final stroke, she left. I waited a whole four minutes and eighteen seconds before I finally heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart leapt. Footsteps. Jesse had _footsteps_. That meant he had weight, and density, and matter, and he was _real_...

And when he walked into my room, he was bathed as I was in the darkness, not at all sparkling with that eerie ghostly light. He was alive. This was happening.

'Susannah...' he said in a voice like warm velvet, sitting beside me politely on the bed. I shuffled over immediately, pulling him down next to me, and his arms circled around my body. 'I'm not sure if we should really – '

'You are so not sleeping on the floor,' I grumbled. 'Now stop complaining. Mom's okayed it.'

Content with this, he relaxed – an action I felt in his entire body. He pulled me into him further, and I kissed his neck absently. 'Let's just...sleep,' I said.

He smiled against my hair. 'I haven't slept in such a long time...'

'You'll be the envy of ghosts worldwide,' I agreed.

Talking idly again for a little while longer, I didn't even realise when his breathing had slowed to become even and deep, his heart steadily beating in his chest. He was so warm. It was nothing like his ghostly warmth, which had only been implied. This was...overwhelmingly real.

His heartbeat was like a lullaby. Before I knew it, I had fallen into the world of dreams right along with him, greeting this miracle with a loving kiss.

-F&I-

Waking up in Jesse's warm arms had been one of the most memorable experiences of my life. It doesn't seem like much...waking up with him holding me, something he's done countless times. But this was different. This was just...intensified by the knowledge that those arms existed. And that I was his.

When we both went down to breakfast, Mom gave me haggard appearance an appraising look – she probably figured that if we'd gotten up to something, we would have tried hard to disguise it. I looked just like I did the night before, only more tired. This seemed to comfort her as she served us breakfast, once again asking Jesse a million and one questions about his family and background, which he answered with astounding ease and conviction. Even I was shocked.

Still thinking me fragile, Mom actually pulled Jesse aside and murmured words to him. He looked grimly at me, before sighing and nodding in understanding. 'Did you know him?' I heard her whisper, and he said he did.

My heart was in my throat.

Leaving Jesse with the responsibility of breaking whatever this top secret news was to me, Mom suggested that we both go to the hospital to visit CeeCee who was – she reported happily – awake again, and cooling down wonderfully. Her temperature was floating just over the one hundred mark, but was decreasing by the hour. Her doctors wouldn't let her leave though, still obsessed with finding out what on earth had happened to her. Medical science had failed them.

Once I'd driven us to Carmel Valley, I parked the car and glanced at him.

'So...you and Mom are getting chummy,' I said lightly.

He looked sideways at me. 'Is that all right with you?' he said.

I smiled. 'Of course – it's all I ever wanted. She said last night...that she can see how much you care about me. That makes her happy.'

'She's worried about you,' Jesse told me. 'I think she's scared, too...that you still haven't forgiven her. About trusting Paul over you.'

'I – ' I argued, but he rubbed my leg soothingly.

'She hasn't said this, _querida_,' he revealed. 'I'm just interpreting. I think...she feels that if she trusts your judgement of me, then she will in turn someday win your trust back. She's still scared she's lost you.'

Staggered by this, I stared out the window. 'I should try harder...' I mused aloud.

'No,' Jesse said kindly. 'Just let it happen, Susannah. It will be a natural rebuilding of bonds. I just wanted to make you aware of it.' He paused and then resumed, his tone now a lot more sombre. 'I suppose that you've already guessed what she told me on the quiet?'

My lips turned into a pout. Sadly, I muttered, 'Father Dominic.'

'They say he died in his coma,' he told me. 'He was taken off of life support at 7.23 this morning.'

I looked at my watch. It was nearly 8.50. I'd slept through his death...

Well, not really. But it was still upsetting.

From my pocket, I withdrew the little tube of lip gloss I'd collected from the day before. Even in the morning light, the liquid sparkled startling silver within the plastic container. That water did not belong on this plane of existence. It was far too beautiful, too iridescent...

'So...' I said quietly, staring at it with dull eyes, 'This won't...'

'No,' Jesse replied, his voice equally soft.

I forced out a smile I did not feel. 'He's not coming back to life then.'

Jesse's arm slid around my shoulders. I leant into him over the clutch of my Bug, feeling lost. He said, 'He and Lily want to see you later. After you've visited CeeCee.'

'Why?' I asked, panicked.

Jesse didn't reply. I sighed heavily.

'Go to CeeCee,' he suggested. 'She's been through a lot. Go be with her, and Adam...'

With a nod, I somehow detached myself from him and slid out the driver's seat. I threw him a backward look, and felt even guiltier as I walked away from him.

I didn't understand...what I was feeling. I'd been given the most amazing gift I could have asked for. As a mediator, I'd been stupid – _stupid_ enough, to have fallen in love with a ghost, and instead of being punished for my idiocy, I'd been granted this beautiful chance to spend my life with him – for him to _have_ his life.

But the price we'd paid...

I'd lost Father Dominic. I loved him so much, and now he was gone. I didn't know if I could handle seeing him as a ghost again. Now it was all over – Gabriel, and the game, and...and Paul – I was still really shaky. I didn't know if I could deal with the aftermath.

Was that selfish? That I wanted it all?

...Of course it was. But I just...I didn't want having Jesse to mean that I would lose Father Dom.

Upon reaching the corridor of CeeCee's room, I ran into three doctors emerging. They paid no attention to me, talking loudly amongst themselves.

'She's going _home_, Dr. Holmes,' the brunette woman said in a no-nonsense tone.

'But she can't!' whined the aged man with the limp. 'What if she gets a fever that high again? You're sending her home to die! Do you really want this on your conscience, Dr. Carmen? Or should I ask you a similar question; would you _really_ kill a puppy with a sledgehammer?'

'Sending an increasingly healthy patient home really compares,' the blond Australian said sarcastically. 'You're just annoyed because she cheated you out of diagnosing her.'

'She cheated _death!_' Dr. Holmes cried, stamping his cane. 'Unless Death and I are one and the same, then I'm totally not making this an issue about me, which you both immaturely seem to be doing – '

'Oh, grow up,' Dr. Carmen scowled, rolling her eyes. They all made a right turn, almost disappearing before Dr. Holmes tried to return back in the direction of CeeCee's room...only to be pulled back sternly by both Drs. Carmen and Case.

A little bewildered and strangely amused by the conversation, I continued down to CeeCee's room. And the sight I beheld made a strangled yelp slide from my lips.

Despite being told all those things, that she was better, that she was going home...seeing her bed messily empty made my heart stop. All her things were still there, but she wasn't there. What if something had happened to –

'_Suze_,' someone hissed so quietly, I nearly didn't hear it.

And when I spun around in my urgency, the sight that I _then_ beheld completely catapulted the other one into oblivion. My knees almost gave out, I was also relieved, for there, curled on the little cushiony one-person guest couch, was Adam and CeeCee. Adam was fast asleep, his head resting on his arm which was on the appropriately named arm-rest, while his other was wrapped loosely around CeeCee, who was hugging her knees against her chest. She looked pretty sleepy too, but in a happy way.

I'll admit it – my jaw was hanging open very unattractively. 'Oh my God – ' I mouthed at her, looking at her and Adam. She smiled prettily, and then sighed a little, her forehead creasing in pain. 'Are – are you okay?' I said, freaking out, but she nodded.

'Yeah – I still get a little dizzy, but it's getting heaps better. Don't worry.'

Quiet as a mouse, I lifted one of the other lighter chairs, and set it right in front of her and her sleeping beau, before demanding in a whisper, 'All right, woman. Dish.'

And I got the scoop. It actually didn't sound that significant... basically when she'd finally woken up, Adam, who'd been going insane because I'd been missing for hours, having just disappeared from his car, had gotten a call from my mom at around eight-ish, to tell him I was home...since he'd called her straight away. She was going nuts before that too, scared that something Paul-shaped had happened to me. At that point, he'd then received a phone call from Callie telling him that she – CeeCee – had woken up again. Callie had also demanded to know if Robbie was with him, since he wasn't answering his phone –

CeeCee paused at that point in the story to grin cheekily. 'She totally called Robbie first,' she snickered.

So Adam had shattered no less than seven speed limits in his efforts to get here to see CeeCee. He waited awkwardly outside while her family did their thing, at which point Callie noticed him and came outside to invite him in. Adam muttered that he'd wait until they had their moment, and Callie – bless her – completely dragged her mother and her Aunt Pru out of the room, saying the doctors needed them to fill out some insurance papers, giving Adam a thumbs-up as she shooed them away.

When CeeCee saw Adam, she started gushing how she'd been waiting to see him and that she was feeling much better –

At which point he just sat beside her on the bed, and kissed her...

CeeCee proceeded to explain exactly how he'd pressed her into the white pillows, his hand sliding into her hair and the other one on the side of her face. She said it was the single most amazing moment of her life to date – and said she'd face a one hundred and seventeen degree fever any day if she got a proposal of love out of it.

'But,' she said suspiciously, 'That doesn't explain where you and Robbie went for like, seven hours!' She stopped, and raised her eyebrows. 'You aren't giving my little sis a run for her money, are you? Because...if Robbie shows up here with a Suze-induced hickey on his neck, I might just have to yank your hair – '

I narrowed my eyes at her, and she blushed. 'Sorry.'

After poking Adam to guarantee that he was undoubtedly asleep, I dove headfirst into a choppy explanation of everything that had happened since her rise to a fiery temperature. I told her everything I could think of – Father Dominic's decision to retrieve Gabriel's kryptonite-sword...and the consequences, Robbie's involvement in the final fight, and a highly edited version of what happened to Paul Slater.

By the end, she was looking just as dumbstruck as I felt after retelling it. It really _had_ been one hell of a summer.

And then, with a jolt, I realised I hadn't told her the single most astounding detail of the entire story.

'_Jesse_,' I began...before launching into _that_ subplot.

When the words "is alive" were uttered, she completely flipped, sliding cleanly off the chair, causing Adam to wake up with a jerk of shock. 'What?' he demanded, looking defensive, 'I was – I wasn't asleep – '

When he caught sight of me, nothing could have prepared me for the five foot seven of flesh that rocketed at me, grabbing me in a fierce hug. I squealed. 'Hi, Adam,' I said weakly.

'You totally disappeared!' he exploded. 'You just LEFT THE CAR! Could you have given me some warning?! I was – '

'Adam.' CeeCee had pulled herself up from the floor, smoothing down her hospital garment. 'It wasn't her fault.' She gave me a wary look, before muttered, '...Paul Slater made her leave.'

Adam's face turned rather cold at these words. It appeared that this statement had confirmed some suspicions he'd been having.

'Was he pissed at you for using chloroform on him?' he demanded with righteous anger on my behalf.

I half-smiled. 'Um. Not really. But all right.'

CeeCee gave him a raised eyebrow. '...That's the best you could come up with?' she glared, wiggling back onto the couch irritably. 'Honestly, I gave your creativity a little bit more credit than that.'

'He is in no way creative enough to guess this story,' I assured her. Adam looked indignant, but sighed.

'I am just glad you're all right. You scared the bajeezus out of me. Not that there was much bajeezus in me to begin with, but now he's completely vacated the premises. And you will explain this all to me someday,' he added in a severe voice.

I nodded wearily. 'Cross my heart and hope to die. Oh, and speaking of dying...nothing like a deathbed to prompt you to get a move on, right?' I tossed a toying look at CeeCee, who flushed wonderfully. Adam grinned, showing his large front teeth. 'I had an excellent coach,' he expressed, and gave Cee a kiss on the cheek.

Oh, for goodness sake.

'You'll give her a fever again,' I scowled.

'I don't care...' she whispered, turning to be kissed by Adam as he so pleased...

-F&I-

I stood outside of the room, my shoulders tense. I wasn't sure of exactly what stopped me from entering. I had nothing to fear anymore. I didn't even feel quite as terribly guilty as I had before. So why couldn't I face him?

I chickened out.

The nurse hadn't wanted to let me in Paul Slater's room anyway. Hah. After all that convincing, I wasn't even going to go through with it...?

I placed my hand on the doorknob again, and then pulled away, sighing.

'_Querida._'

The voice made me jump. I spun around with wide eyes, and my heart started pounding – which had nothing to do with the startle, but more so with the fact that the man who was walking towards me also had a heart that was pounding...

I kept remembering, and the gratitude kept sweeping through me like a warm breeze.

He came to stand before me, his hand sliding to my face. 'What's wrong?'

'I need to see him...' I mumbled, nervous. 'I need to see what I did.'

'What _he_ did,' Jesse corrected in a firm voice.

I shrugged. 'Tomato, tomahto.'

The nurse came by again, looking harried. 'And who are you?' she now grilled Jesse.

'He's with me,' I assured her. 'Can we see Paul? We're...friends of his. We're just really worried. And his parents still haven't flown in, so we don't want him to be alone – '

Yeah, I was laying it on thick. Shut up. Jesse's poker face was absolutely perfect. He hid his repulsion at the thought of being friends with Paul Slater expertly.

'All right, all right,' she sighed. 'If he starts getting agitated, leave immediately. If he gets violent, call for help.'

Jesse must have noticed my wide eyes, as he quickly thanked the nurse, politely dismissing her. She left with an eye-roll.

And I pushed open the door...

If I'd wanted to say anything...greet him anxiously, call out his name, shout curses at him – I could not have managed such a feat. The disconcerting sight before me was too great. Paul stood in the corner of the room, looking up at the ceiling, raising his hand before the window. His eyes were carefully trained on the shadows his long fingers were creating.

Jesse cleared his throat. Paul ignored him. His pale eyes were alert and wide, manic in their concentration. He was so still...

I moved forward. 'Paul...?' I asked delicately.

The man lowered his hand finally, and turned to look at me. He frowned, and squinted, moving a step closer. Jesse bristled behind me, yanking me back a fraction protectively. I hadn't noticed before, but...he was quietly furious. Perhaps I shouldn't have brought Jesse in here.

I turned. 'If this is too hard for you, you don't have to stay,' I whispered gently. 'Just wait outside for me.'

'I'm not leaving you alone with him,' Jesse retorted, his dull rage aimed at the third of our number, not me. It didn't ease my nerves any.

'Honestly, Jesse. I drove him barmy. I don't think there's much else I can do,' I said in an attempt of a joke, knowing very well that Jesse hadn't meant that Paul would need protection from me. It didn't make him smile in amusement, or anything. He just glowered at Paul, wary.

'If you need me...'

'I'll holler,' I promised. I couldn't imagine how hard it would have been for him to be standing in the same room as the guy who'd caused so much hell for us. Jesse was an amazingly kind person, but he did have a slightly vengeful streak in him – I'd seen that much with his handling of the former Felix Diego. It would have made him shudder, trying to suppress the hatred he harboured for Paul Slater.

Stiffly, he left with balled fists, leaving the door ajar.

I don't know what I had expected to see when I walked in. A straight jacket? Padded walls? A tall, silent Native American throwing a chair through a window after suffocating his best friend subsequent to his lobotomy? Or maybe Buffy Summers sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth and muttering about vampires and the forces of darkness?

I really didn't know.

However, I did not expect to see him like this, moving to sit at the table, a large window behind him. The sun shone through on what was a spectacular summer day, even for Carmel. You could still see the Pacific Ocean glittering like a jewel in the distance.

He was in his pyjamas, a robe on his lap. His curly hair hadn't been combed, and he looked...fatigued and wired at the same time. His face looked so old. Older than before, I mean. Within the past twenty four hours, he seemed to have aged at least ten years. No longer did his youthful handsomeness glint over at me sinisterly. Instead, the eyes that stared back at me were that of his grandfather - an old man.

I stood silently at the doorway, unsure of what to do, considering I was the one that landed him in here, no matter how unintentionally. Not that he hadn't deserved - but, had he really? What if I'd -

God, what was wrong with me?! This man had beaten me down, broken me and shattered any pieces he could find...and I was the one feeling guilty for knocking a screw loose in the cogs of his brain? Hah. And they say we won the feminist movement.

'Paul, um...it's me - Suze.' I shuffled my feet, avoiding the dull stare of his eyes.

He tilted his head. He smiled in a manic way, and then turned to the wall, the muscles in his arms tensing. 'Suze. Susie... Susan. Susanne. Susannah. Suzie Q...Suze... Green eyes...' He stood up, flitting about nervously, touching the wall as if it held secrets. Suddenly, he faced me, his eyes fiery with theory. He clicked his fingers in triumph, and started pacing erratically. 'Woke up at seven today, Suze. Seven. Seven is a prime number, Suze. Seven days of creation, Seven Hills of Rome...seven worlds in the universe, seven seas in the world and seven Rishes. Seven fires of hell. Seven points on a sheriff's star. Why seven?' he froze, looking at me with confusion.

'Um...I don't know.' I gulped, trying to change the subject. 'So, your parents... they're flying in today to see you, Paul. I'm sure they're worried like hell. Even Jack's coming. I talked to him this morning on the phone, and... he's - he's really worried about you. He thinks it's the ghosts' fault. I didn't...' I blinked. 'I didn't know what to say to him.'

I choked down the lump in my throat. That's right; I hadn't had the guts to tell Jack what I'd done to his big brother.

Perhaps it would have been kinder to kill him.

He looked over at me, and for a moment, I could have sworn I saw a flash of the old Paul. But then he just glanced down and started pacing again, slapping his hand against his other palm rhythmically.

'Seven wonders of the Ancient World. Seven psalms in the Sacred Cubit. Seven...seven, seven...seven notes in a major scale - '

'Paul,' I whispered desperately, getting closer. My God, he'd lost it. Really, really lost it. Irretrievably. 'Please, focus.'

He cried, 'Yes! Seven sevens are forty nine! Forty nine is a prime, Suze.' He laughed, almost maniacally. 'It's all coming together.'

I frowned, and shook my head. 'Forty nine's divisible by seven...' He shot me a look of annoyance. 'B-but - you know, whatever. Forty nine, prime? Sure, why not? Must be that new math they're teaching these days.' He just looked at me like I was insane, and no, the irony was not lost on me.

Trying hard to choke back tears, I watched sadly as he began pacing again, his shoulders stiff and hunched over conspiratorially. He looked like he was in pain, but wasn't sane enough to understand what it meant. Paul Slater had once been bright...maybe too bright for his own good, but sharp as a five dollar bill, none the less.

But now, he was broken.

And I wasn't sure if he could ever be fixed.

I continued, hoping to bring the conversation forward. 'Mom said that the doctors want to move you from here. There's a place called...the Oak Park Rest Home, I think. I'm sure you'll have your own room, knowing your parents. They think - ' I jerked towards the door, referring to the hospital and not his absent family, 'They think that you've had some kind of burnout thing. Paranoid schizophrenia, they reckon. I guess they figure it's a lot like what Jack supposedly had, only...you know. Worse.'

He stopped his pacing and turned to me and stared. It was hard to pull away from his gaze. I didn't have the courage to look him in the eye - instead, I found the door, and landed there. 'I - I should go, I guess. You're - you're probably tired. I just wanted to...' I started. God, how did you apologize for this? "I'm sorry" just sounded so... undeserved, but at the same time, so...not enough. Not nearly enough.

'I just wanted to see you,' I admitted. 'But yeah, I should go.' I edged closer to him. Was this the last time I would ever see him? I didn't know...

'Goodbye,' I said, quietly, moving to grab his hand...but instead, I leant forward a little, and kissed him gently on the cheek. I don't know why. Yes. Yes I do.

Pity. I pitied Paul Slater.

What happened in that moment scared the life out of me. In an instant, he had me pinned against the wall, and just before I'd shoved him away to defend myself, he muttered, 'Suze, wait!'

Only...the second we were apart, he just continued to stare dully.

His voice. I recognised that voice. It had flashed with intuition, with presence, with sanity...and most noticeably, with desperation. I swallowed hard, moving towards him. 'What?'

Paul smiled, untroubled, but then his brow creased.

'Seven...has five letters in it. A contradiction. Why not seven letters? Five is important too. Slater has five letters,' he smiled. 'So does Simon.' He darkened suddenly. 'So does Silva...'

I blinked quickly. I knew I hadn't imagined it. I knew that for at least a moment, he'd been there. What if he was still waiting behind these crazy eyes, brewing and silent, trapped within his own fractured mind?

Very hesitantly, I extended my fingers to his face.

And he was back. He seized my wrist suddenly, and hissed, 'Don't pull away.'

I nodded, wordless.

A smirk so familiar graced his face. But...it wasn't sinister. Just arrogant, pleased. I couldn't sense the same dark intent behind it that had once chilled me to the bone. 'Knew you couldn't keep your hands off of me,' he grinned. His fingers tightened around my wrist, betraying his casual air. He was terrified I'd let go, and he'd be lost in that world again.

'P-Paul...' I whispered. 'It's...you?'

He shrugged. 'Not really. Not ever again, anyway. Just a little piece of me.'

Worried about raising my voice, lest Jesse burst in and find Paul with my hand in an iron grip, I made sure to keep my hysteria to a minimal. 'Paul,' I said, emotion flooding my voice. 'I'm sorry for what I did to you. I'm so sorry...'

With a non-committal sound, he just said, 'Meh. I get it. Really, I do. If it helps you, it's a lot quieter in here.' He tapped his head, and then paused. 'Well, not really. But...it's a different kind of quiet.' He looked away from me and whispered, 'he's not there anymore.'

I bitterly remembered that demonic little child that had urged him to kill. 'Who was he?' I asked him. 'Do you know?'

He didn't look proud of himself. 'Me. Or another little piece of me, maybe. I don't know. But he's dead now. Thanks for that.' This was...overwhelming. I wanted to sit, but he would have been too afraid of the thought of letting me go to permit that.

'So...' I summarised, 'You were evil because a bit of you was evil?'

'No. I was evil because a lot of me was weak,' he muttered.

I pouted. 'And I killed that evil bit...and shattered your sanity...and now...you're only normal when I touch you.'

'Even mental the irony isn't lost on me either.' He chortled. 'So it would seem, fellow Player,' he said in grim amusement. 'Although...the game's over now, isn't it. You won.'

I looked grimly down. 'Nobody won Paul. It ended. That's all.

'I don't know. You seem to have received your prize. The Blue Fairy turned him into a real boy because you were a very good girl who ate all her vegetables.'

'Paul…'

'Look, Suze… tell him- don't tell him I said I was sorry because I don't mean that. Hell, he knows that just as much as I do. He may be a prick but I think we get each other. Just tell him… hell, don't tell him anything. He's got you, what the fuck could I possibly give him.'

Suddenly nervous that he would become addicted to this newfound journey back to presence of mind, I said quite firmly, 'Paul. You know I can't stay. You can't hold on to me forever...'

'Don't I know it…' he whispered. But I think there was some subtext with that statement. He just sighed. 'You know there will be others, right?'

Vacantly, I was all, '...Huh?'

His smile was bitter as he took a step toward me, his free hand brushing my hair behind my ears. 'You took out a major figure of evil, Suze. That kind of thing doesn't go unnoticed. That's like someone taking out Michael Corleone. Gabriel was pretty high up...higher than even I knew when I summoned him. But there are others ready and willing to take his place. And now they know what you can do, and the power you have...and they'll want it. Evil is greedy like that. Like I was. But...not anymore, I think. I mean... I'm prepared for the fact that I have to let go,' he looked pointedly at my wrist. 'At some point.'

My eyes fell closed. 'There'll be others...' I echoed tonelessly. 'Great.'

'But,' he went on, 'You'll be all right.'

'You don't know that,' I chided.

He grinned. 'You're not the only one with a touch of foresight, Suze. And boy, do you shine… you always did.'

We were already close, but he removed the distance even further, sliding his hand to the side of my face. He then cautiously released my wrist, and when he realised I wasn't pulling away, he placed that hand also on my face, caressing it with intimacy. I stopped breathing. 'Paul,' I warned.

He ignored me - he needed to say something. 'Suze,' he said. 'You know that I love you, right?'

I nodded. In his own fucked up way, I guess he always had.

This confirmation made him smile broadly. 'Good.'

And he kissed me gently on my forehead.

It was so...human. So soft and sweet a gesture that I started crying. I'd destroyed him, and he was still in love with me. It made everything he'd ever done to me seems like a ridiculous nightmare. I liked that feeling. I liked thinking it hadn't really happened. I knew it had, but this way, it made it easier to look forward. I wasn't in denial... I just wanted to see the light in the darkness.

'I'll visit,' I promised him, unwilling to leave him in his silence.

'Oak Park is in Seattle,' he commented.

'I'll be there.'

He moved back, staring at me. And with eyes laden so deeply with regret, he said, 'I never meant to hurt you, Suze Simon. And I'm sorry. Truly.'

I touched his arm, rubbing it soothingly. 'It's okay.' I leaned over and placed my lips near his ear. 'I forgive you,' I whispered softly.

When I pulled back I saw tears running down his face. 'That's all I needed,' he said, aching with emotion. 'I need to let go now,' he told me.

'Yes. You do.' And we both knew I didn't mean just physically.

And with a deep breath, he stepped away, letting his hands fall to his sides. Instantly, his eyes glazed over and become listless once more.

'Seven...' he whispered. 'Seven ways to say goodbye; seven ways to die. She forgave. Not seven times, but seventy seven times. Two eyes, two nostrils, two ears, one mouth. Seven. Seven… And it's quiet again. I can sleep now.'

Quickly, hiding my tears, I left Paul Slater, a broken man, muttering about numbers.

When I got to the waiting room I saw Jesse sitting there, pretending to read a two year old magazine. When he saw me rushing out from the room he leaped up and came towards me.

'What's wrong?' He asked quickly. 'What did he - '

I silenced him with a kiss and wrapped my arms around him desperate for his arms around me. 'Shhh…' I said. 'It's finally over.'

And with that confirmation Jesse's arms wrapped tightly around me and we embraced for what felt like an eternity in the Psych Ward of the Caramel Valley Hospital.


	34. Three Milkshakes

**So it's been three years. Or something. I don't know. Here is a chapter which is incomplete at best. There are still things left hanging, I realise. It took a lot out of me to write this after so long, so I can only hope it flows. If I have the energy, another chapter will go up giving the final bit of closure. If I do not, a wonderful summation will be provided. **

**In other news – my fabulous co-writer and I met over the Christmas break in New York! Stephanie is as wonderful as I imagined her to be. I can only hope that we'll meet again someday. **

**Love, **

**Lolly.**

**This chapter is for ****Melcangel**** and ****sacasim****, who managed to sweetly guilt me into an update... :P**

**-F&I-**

'I don't exist,' Jesse said blankly.

I pouted. 'That's not what I meant,' I assured him. 'You just...don't exist in paperwork.'

A grim smile came to his lips. 'After a hundred and fifty years of real non-existence, I think I can handle this.'

I shook my head. 'It's not really something you just...handle. We need to do something about it. If Paul was still sane, I'd ask him for contacts of some good forgers - God knows he'd have them on speed dial, right up there with the drug dealers.'

Jesse sank into the passenger seat, looking a little defeated. 'Father Dominic mentioned this to me too. He told me he could have dealt with it, had he been alive still... but no one will accept the signature of a dead man.'

Choosing not to reply, I just drove. I had to see Father D tonight. I almost...didn't want to. I didn't want to hear what he was going to tell me. So instead, I didn't think about it. I drove.

Observing that this topic did not sparkle with me, Jesse moved on also. 'So where are we going?'

'To see Robbie,' I said.

Jesse's eyebrow rose. 'Should...I really come?'

'Why shouldn't you?' So sue me if I was defensive.

He smiled, and his hand slid on mine on the clutch. He stroked the tops of my fingers. 'I don't want to intrude. And perhaps he will not talk as freely with me there.'

I looked at him suspiciously. 'You're not just trying to get some more free time to go have banana milkshakes at the Coffee Clutch, are you?'

Unashamedly, he said, 'Maybe. But you know what I mean.'

I stopped the car on the side of the road, and smiled. 'Okay. Out you get then. I'll pick you up in about an hour. Have you got my cell phone?' He nodded. 'And do you know how to use it?'

His eyes narrowed a little. 'Shout at it and hope for the best?' he asked sarcastically.

This satisfied me. Somehow. 'Okay, I love you.'

_'Te amo_,' he replied, kissing my forehead. 'Tell Robbie I say hello. From all the way up here,' he added, standing up to his maximum height.

I giggled. 'Meanie. Bye.'

**-F&I-**

Unfortunately, Ms. Gallagher answered the door. I'd forgotten how robust she was until the sight of her was forced down my throat once again. 'Oh,' I muttered, 'Hi. Uh, yeah. Is Robbie here?'

She blinked, not glaring quite as much as she had last time we'd met - that is to say, when I'd apparently got her son's face rearranged. 'No, he's not.'

Getting a rush of indignation that was entirely common in her smothering presence, I said, 'Are you sure? Or are you just saying that because you don't like me that much?'

The woman's hand tensed on the edge of the door a little, before she sighed. 'Suze, right?' I nodded unsurely, and she closed her eyes for a moment. '...Would you like to come in for a moment?'

Hesitantly, I agreed, checking her hands for any sharp implements. She seemed like the type to be able to cover up a messy murder.

Guiding me into a clinical, pale lounge room, she invited me to sit on the couch closest to a glorious fireplace. I wondered whether she'd ever felt the need to light it, given the amazing Californian weather. Back in New York, I would have been all over that fireplace like a rash in the harshest hours of winter. I wanted to compliment her on it – but it probably came with the house, and therefore the intended words stank of forced small talk. But really...what other kind of conversation was I supposed to have with this imposing woman?

She sat opposite me on a tan recliner, staring at me.

'You've got a lot to answer for, Suze,' she said finally.

I flared up. What? After everything we'd been through – Robbie and I, not myself and this questionable human before me - I couldn't help it. How dare she imply that I'd demented her son further than she had?

'Now, look,' I said savagely –

But she just laughed at my anger.

That cacked me off further. My nails bit into her dull couch arms bitterly as I went to through myself into battle, but she held up a commanding hand of silence. I guess she was used to people shutting up when she told them to. Well, _she_ was in for a big surprise –

'You misunderstand me,' she said, a little loftily. Did she think I was simple? That was the impression I was getting. 'You're a fiery girl – just the type of girl I've been trying to protect Robbie from. You're the type of girl who was bound to get him into trouble.'

...How exactly was I misunderstanding her? This was heading nowhere, fast.

'But,' she added, 'I think a little trouble was exactly what my boy needed.'

I came to a grinding halt in my angry ranting.

'...Huh?' I said intelligently, thus proving her suspicions that I was a dumbo.

'Robbie was a mouse before he met you,' she elaborated. Her face was a careful construction of barely hidden wrinkles and make-up, but the construction was cracking. She looked away, unable to hold my gaze as she admitted defeat. 'I didn't enjoy that about him... but it made it easier to protect him, so I was grateful for his obedience. But you... the influence you've had over him...' She shook her head, her eyes widening. You know, as if I'd had Robbie riding around on a motorbike with me, Evil Robin to my Corrupt Batman, spraying graffiti everywhere. 'He's sneaking out? Back chatting me? I just... I wasn't used to it. I was angry. You – some girl he found at dying bookstore – were taking him away from me. Leading him down a dangerous path...'

I was a patient woman, holding out for the point of this long rant. She really did not have a way with words.

'Showing him how to live...' she said finally, finding my eye-line again. In that moment, she looked pitiful, ashamed of herself. 'Suze... you showed him how to live. You showed my son how to not give up on life, when I'd written him off. I know his condition is going to...' she broke off again, staring at me helplessly. 'But the way he was going before you... well, he may as well not have had a life to begin with. You changed everything for him.'

I smiled. Glad to see we got there in the end, Ms. Gallagher. I mean, I knew all of this stuff already. It just made me happy to know that his overbearing demonoid had finally clued in. And this meant that Robbie's life wouldn't be treated as fragile anymore. It would be treated as a gift.

'I am glad,' I said simply.

She looked away again.

'You should go now,' she said abruptly. I raised my brows at her dazzling hospitality – at which point I caught the sparkling corners of her eyes. She was a proud woman who had just bowed down to the wisdom of a teenager. It was too much to ask to allow me to watch her cry, or even squeeze a hug out of her. It'd probably feel a little prickly anyway, so I wasn't exactly disappointed with the lack of hugfest.

Just as I was seeing myself out, she called after me, 'He's not here because he's with a girl, you know. A _girl_...' As if she'd never heard of such an abstract concept before. There was a motherly bewilderment in her voice, but I could hear the saturation of pleasure in each syllable.

I turned and grinned at her. 'He's growing up so fast,' I said saccharinely.

And I hightailed it before she figured out I was poking fun at her.

...Just a bit.

**-F&I-**

I swung past the Coffee Clutch and was about to walk in when I saw Jesse from outside the window. I was forty minutes early, so he wasn't expecting me – but it was nice to witness him in his natural habitat, minus the Suzatron. Or, you know, abject misery.

As I peaked coyly at him between the letters C and H of "Clutch," I cocked my head and smiled. He had not one, but three glasses of milkshake in front of him. By the looks of it, he was sampling all the flavours. He was even alternating sips, frowning light-heartedly, trying to determine the superior flavour.

It appeared Mango was winning the race this time.

As it turned out, I was not Jesse's only onlooker. He'd garnered himself a gaggle of excitable admirers in the Clutch's wait staff. Not all of them were female.

That prompted me into action. Being a big fan of the penis, I darted in there before Sebastian, who was batting his stumpy lashes at the oblivious Jesse, made him cross over to the other side.

'Hi,' I said wryly, sliding into the booth.

Jesse looked up from his milkshakes in surprise. 'Susannah!' he gasped, a little alarmed at what I saw before me. 'I...uh... they kept bringing out the wrong flavour. Incompetence, I tell you.'

'They're all half-empty, Jesse.'

'Yes, they...they spilled them all on the way over.'

I stared at him, my brow arched. He blinked innocently. He even had a milk moustache from where he'd foregone the straws altogether.

Leaning forward in the booth, I moved across the table to gently kiss the frothy milk from his upper lip. A group groan arose from behind Jesse; the wait staff had clearly been hoping that I was not with their Mystery Hunk.

Well, I was. So boo.

I licked my lips at Jesse, who seemed to have lost all ability to say words. Clearly, I'd just performed a power move.

'_Dios,' _was all he could manage after a moment of incredulity. 'P-perhaps I should not spend the night with you. I don't think I could keep my hands to myself.'

'Like I'd stop you,' I scoffed. 'And don't be stupid. You have nowhere else to go, remember? You're a hobo. A drifter. And my Mum's probably trying to steal you from me, so she wants you close enough to try put the moves on you when I'm not looking.'

At these words, Jesse looked a little ill. I could only assume it was from all the milkshake, because my mum was a muffin of a forty-something.

'And besides,' I said, my voice dropping cheekily. 'How else are you going to work off all these calories?'

Jesse choked on a loud cough. I guess I was being a little mean. I mean, it was a public forum. And he was clearly getting all hot and bothered.

He was just about to say something in reply when my phone started buzzing annoyingly. I sighed and plucked it from my pocket. I'd actually been curious as to Jesse's reply to my little proposition. Not that we could... at home. But maybe, back at that little apartment above STAB, where it had all began...

'Susie?'

Oh yeah. The phone.

'Hi, Mum,' I said unsurely. She knew I was on a sort of date with Jesse. Well, technically, I was supposed to still be with Robbie, who was off Gallaghavanting with Mini-Cee. So if she was interrupting, it was probably vaguely important. That, or Andy wanted to know if I wanted the pepper sauce or the wine jus on my steak tonight. Top priority stuff like that.

Wine jus. Duh. I wasn't twenty-one for ages – I had to soak up the alcohol when I could. Even though most of it disappeared in the cooking process –

'There's a man here to see you,' she said uncertainly.

I'll admit, my mind went immediately to Paul, at which point my heart slipped on its tightrope. But it righted itself when it realised that Mum would have just said his name. Or she would have bludgeoned him to death with a waffle iron and buried the body under the hot tub. You know, where Jesse's had once been.

I heard the strangeness in her voice. 'Erm... I'll be there in ten...?

'Thank you, Susannah.'

Whoa. Breaking out the full name. That was oddly formal for my mother. Oh God. What if it was a cop?

'Susannah?' Jesse asked with concern. I looked at him, my eyes wide. I'd almost forgotten he was there. 'Everything all right?'

'Uh, sure,' I said. 'I've just gotta go home. Some guy wants to see me.' I pulled a face, just to disperse any thoughts that I wanted to leave him.

Jesse turned to the gaggle of waitresses, pointing at his shakes. 'I'll get these...er...to go?'

They nearly trampled each other in their efforts to get over there fast enough.

**-F&I-**

Mum was sitting on the lounge when Jesse and I rocked up at home, next to an official-looking man in a navy, pinstriped suit.

'Who knew Carmel had a Mafia?' I joked.

The man smiled thinly. 'My name is Walter Davis, Miss Simon.'

'...That's nice,' I said. 'To, uh, you know... have a name.'

I thought I was being an idiot, but he seemed to have a knowing glint in his eye. He looked pointedly at Jesse. 'Yes, it _is_ nice to have a name.'

Mum stared unabashedly at all of us, clearly knocked for six.

'Could we speak in private?' Davis requested politely. Both Jesse and Mum went to leave, but Davis nodded at Jesse. 'No, mister. This concerns you.'

Looking even more discombobulated, Mum left the room, clicking the door shut behind her. Jesse and I stood in front of Davis, who picked up his large briefcase and began opening it on the coffee table.

'I believe you knew my client, Dr. Oliver Slaski?'

'Yeah, sure,' I said. 'Not one of my proudest acquaintances, but yeah, I know him.'

Jesse was staring at Davis. 'Susannah... he said "knew".'

Davis smiled. 'See? Aren't we glad we kept the boy in the room?'

Now that my mother was gone, Davis was getting oilier and oilier by the second. And with all this "client" business, that could only mean one thing: his oiliness was due to his profession as a lawyer.

Suddenly, however, the significance of Davis's word choice hit me. I gasped. 'Wait. The doctor's _dead?_'

'And, the bomb has landed,' Davis said. I was too shocked to glare at him. 'Look, Miss Simon. My client was a very high profile man who fell victim to his very severe symptoms for many years, only to suddenly remerge in time to enlist my services to set his affairs in order. I won't pretend to care what happened to Dr. Slaski, and I am certainly not bothered by the outlandish details of his requests of me. I am under the impression that you will understand exactly what his intentions were in asking me to provide all of this paperwork for you...'

I stared at him. If I was supposed to be understanding something... well, clarity wasn't exactly overwhelming me. All I could ask was, '...how did he die?'

Davis shoved an envelope at me. I ripped it open to retrieve a letter. The writing was loopy, oddly neat, and very small.

_Susan._

_I know that is not your name, but it seems to annoy you. You will discover very soon why I am at such liberty to annoy you, as I have gone to great lengths for you, Missy. You see, after waiting for so long to die, I've decided I'd finally better do the job myself, now that I am capable. But that begs the question: where does my estate go?_

_The thing is, I have many other people I am keen to annoy other than you, so don't flatter yourself. Mostly, I want to annoy that pisser of a son of mine and his inane woman. They are both waiting for me to tip over the edge so they can scramble to collect their inheritance like the cockroaches they are. So what would piss them off more than to leave my vast wealth to some random babysitter that looked after their weedy youngest?_

_I am not completely heartless – though I have often believed that hearts were a liability rather than a strength. Jack, my youngest grandson, will get a sizable inheritance on his twenty-first birthday, assuming he survives that long without any evidence of a spine. He was always good to me, so there is no need to cut him out. And Paul, of course. His medical expenses will be taken care of. Though I don't give two shakes where he ends up in the grand scheme of things, his fate won't be cheap. But that's all my brat and his witch are getting – the all expenses paid trip for their son to the nuthouse of their choosing. _

_Finally, to the importance of this letter. You'll notice I am rambling a bit. I'll admit, not all of this information is relevant to you, but I do love to build suspense. Not to mention, I have not written so neatly for nearly thirty years. I am milking it. _

_Davis, that dependable weed of a lawyer of mine, has been instructed to go through some paperwork with you. I am sure you think I'm weak, bowing out of life like this. But I've had enough. Bring on hell. At least it will be warm, and won't make my arthritis play up. _

_I have legally taken care of Jesse. He is now a free man, and an American citizen. All together, now: "Thank you, Dr. Slaski." I won't pretend to know what the hell it takes to be an American citizen, but that's why I pay Davis so damn much. So you get what you're given._

_Lastly, my property has been put on the market. Once sold, the profits will be transferred to my estate which, if I hadn't made it clear before, is going in your name. My only regret in life is that I couldn't see the look on my son's face when he found out he wasn't getting a dime out of me. _

_It was annoying, knowing you. You were a frustrating little brat at the best of times, but you got the job done. You went through hell for it, so it's high time that the universe gave you a break. I am that universe. Congratulations on your recent windfall, Miss Simon. _

_Regards,_

_Dr. O. Slaski_

Once I'd read the letter, I couldn't help but skim through it again. Even on the third read, I still couldn't make sense of it. Surely it was in a language other than English. Like Klingon, or binary. Because there was no way that I had just inherited the wealth of an old git that I couldn't stand.

Speaking of my inability to stand; Jesse had to catch me when my knees gave out.

'Holy mother of–' I began blasphemously, but Davis cleared his throat.

'Now, now, Miss Simon, there is a lady present,' he said, nodding to Jesse.

Jesse, unsure what to say against this slight against his masculinity, stared in great affront at Davis, who appeared to be uncaring as to how offensive he was. He must have supposed that the good news he brought with him excused his terrible manners.

'The Doctor expects his immediate family to protest to these changes in his will, and has produced a time-stamped video documenting his decisions to leave his estate to you, Miss Simon. He has also indicated that, as his house is on the market, Mr. De Silva is free to live there until he finds more permanent residence.'

Davis immediately produced a second, much larger envelope, handing it to Jesse. 'These are your papers, Mr. De Silva,' he said. 'Social security, citizenship, the works. You have been living here since the age of twelve, where you moved from Spain with your family, who both tragically died in a car accident. The rest of Dr. Slaski's colourful invention is in there. Learn it well.'

Jesse looked down at one of the papers in particular. His face, previously perplexed beyond description, suddenly darkened.

'My middle name is _Pablo_?' he snapped. 'That is Paul. Despicable!'

Davis chortled. 'Yes... The Doctor thought you might say that. He said to remind you that he is a very generous man, and to...er, "deal with it".'

I still was having trouble with the whole vertical thing.

'Jesse,' I breathed. 'This is... oh my God. Do you have any idea what this means?'

Jesse seemed to be "dealing with" the whole Pablo thing. He stared back at me, his brow furrowed. 'It's a name,' he said softly. 'It's...it's _my _name.'

'Very nice,' Davis said. 'Well, I must be off, Miss Simon. If you and your illegal immigrant need any more edification on the fineries of this paperwork, you have my number. Good day to you.'

And he left without even giving me the chance to deck him one.


End file.
